1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:01,165 Thank you. 2 00:00:01,565 --> 00:00:02,530 Thank you. 3 00:00:03,230 --> 00:00:04,195 Thank you. 4 00:00:04,596 --> 00:00:05,961 Thank you very much indeed. 5 00:00:06,361 --> 00:00:08,326 Thanks. Uh, ta. 6 00:00:09,026 --> 00:00:09,826 Um… 7 00:00:10,426 --> 00:00:11,391 Grazie. 8 00:00:36,587 --> 00:00:39,466 Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I don't know if you know what this is. 9 00:00:39,547 --> 00:00:43,459 I expect most of you will recognise it. It's a brain. A human brain. 10 00:00:43,546 --> 00:00:46,504 But I wonder if you know whose brain it is. 11 00:00:46,665 --> 00:00:50,260 But before I tell you, I should let you into a little secret. I've, for some years now, 12 00:00:50,344 --> 00:00:54,416 been earning myself quite a reputation as something of a practical joker. 13 00:00:54,504 --> 00:00:58,896 And what's happened is this, that earlier this evening, I crept into Hugh's dressing room 14 00:00:58,985 --> 00:01:02,533 while he was asleep, and very carefully, 15 00:01:03,502 --> 00:01:07,256 took out his brain, making sure not to wake him up. 16 00:01:07,742 --> 00:01:09,972 So this is Hugh's brain. He's about to come on any minute, 17 00:01:10,061 --> 00:01:12,371 so let's see if he notices anything's amiss. 18 00:01:13,261 --> 00:01:14,296 Um… 19 00:01:15,381 --> 00:01:16,655 Here he comes. 20 00:01:19,820 --> 00:01:23,016 -Hello. Hello, Hugh, what've you been up to? -Hi. 21 00:01:23,139 --> 00:01:27,132 Oh, I've just been watching that Noel Edmonds on television. Oh, he's just… 22 00:01:27,218 --> 00:01:28,414 Oh. 23 00:01:30,059 --> 00:01:33,369 -I see. -Oh, dear. He is brilliant, that is fantastic. 24 00:01:35,217 --> 00:01:37,253 -You feeling all right, are you, Hugh? -Yeah, fine, fine. 25 00:01:37,338 --> 00:01:39,646 -Yeah. -And then I saw a bit of an interview 26 00:01:39,738 --> 00:01:43,775 with Kenneth Baker. Oh, that man is fantastic. 27 00:01:43,855 --> 00:01:47,814 -Really? -Oh, well, he's just what this country needs, he's… 28 00:01:47,895 --> 00:01:50,329 He's firm, he's courageous. 29 00:01:50,414 --> 00:01:52,212 And his views on education, well, I mean, 30 00:01:52,295 --> 00:01:57,367 they're just so enlightened and sophisticated and enthralling. 31 00:01:57,455 --> 00:01:59,808 Well, of course, he's an utterly enthralling man. 32 00:01:59,894 --> 00:02:03,170 Well, we can see what's happened but I don't think he's got a clue, has he? 33 00:02:03,253 --> 00:02:05,847 -Hugh, do you recognise this? -It's a cauliflower. 34 00:02:05,974 --> 00:02:07,645 He's been a great sport, hasn't he, ladies and gentlemen? 35 00:02:07,734 --> 00:02:12,203 -What are you off to do now, Hugh? -I'm going to write a letter to Points of View. 36 00:02:13,532 --> 00:02:17,001 I think I may have gone too far. 37 00:02:19,050 --> 00:02:23,566 Well, not without falling over and hitting someone rather old. 38 00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:28,127 Gerald Kaufman is a member of the Labour Party, 39 00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:31,838 and Daphne du Maurier lived in Cornwall, is that it? No? 40 00:02:33,809 --> 00:02:37,767 Yep, I like to eat Greek at least once in a time, Gordon. It's… 41 00:02:38,928 --> 00:02:42,523 -It's a plain cuisine, simply prepared. -Yeah, I'm not averse myself, Stuart. 42 00:02:42,607 --> 00:02:45,075 -No? -I'm substantially partial to a plate of Greek. 43 00:02:45,168 --> 00:02:48,317 -Substantially partial. -Good. Well, we won't worry about this. 44 00:02:48,406 --> 00:02:50,157 I'll chat to the top waiter personally. 45 00:02:50,246 --> 00:02:52,202 This is strictly for the walk-in punters. 46 00:02:52,285 --> 00:02:56,165 -Right you be. -Ah, listen to that bazooka music, Gordon. 47 00:02:59,565 --> 00:03:02,032 -East meets West. -Yeah, love it. 48 00:03:02,125 --> 00:03:04,876 Yeah, of course, there's a lot to be learnt from your Greeks, you know. 49 00:03:04,963 --> 00:03:07,602 After all, they gave us the word “civilisation”. 50 00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:11,552 I thought that was the Romans. 51 00:03:12,043 --> 00:03:15,078 Yeah, well, ethnically the same peoples, Gordon. 52 00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:19,119 Also, of course, they gave us the word “economics”. Very sharp folk, your Greeks. 53 00:03:19,201 --> 00:03:21,634 And, of course, the word “genoymeen”. 54 00:03:22,841 --> 00:03:24,638 -What? -The word “genoymeen”. 55 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,916 Only, I think we gave that one back straightaway. 56 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,474 Yeah, yeah. 57 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,347 Oh, yeah, very tough folk your Hellenics, tough as the rocks and boulders 58 00:03:33,439 --> 00:03:35,873 that shape the islands and hills of their landscape. 59 00:03:35,958 --> 00:03:38,710 I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't a lesson in there somewhere, Stu. 60 00:03:38,799 --> 00:03:40,117 Certainly there is. 61 00:03:40,197 --> 00:03:42,916 I've often thought of putting out a paper on the correlation between 62 00:03:42,998 --> 00:03:44,989 landscape and business acumen. 63 00:03:45,077 --> 00:03:48,705 You could really set fire to some arses with a paper like that. 64 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,071 -I hope so. I hope so. -Yeah, with a theory of that kind, 65 00:03:51,155 --> 00:03:55,353 I reckon the Institute of Executive Salesman would just go ape crazy on all fours. 66 00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,585 It wouldn't surprise me. I mean, take my own case, for example. 67 00:03:58,674 --> 00:04:01,905 Myself, way back when, my folks originally hailed from Yorkshire. 68 00:04:01,993 --> 00:04:07,022 You see what've we got? We've got limestone uplands, unforgiving moors and scarred dales. 69 00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:11,071 A beautiful, uncompromising, hard and wide nurse of men. 70 00:04:11,553 --> 00:04:14,225 Yeah, but you were born in Surrey. 71 00:04:14,313 --> 00:04:17,826 Yeah, but the limestone's in my blood, Gordon. It's in the way I do business. 72 00:04:17,910 --> 00:04:20,710 -So, where are you from first off? -Lincolnshire. 73 00:04:20,791 --> 00:04:26,866 Ah, you see? Flat, sodden, yielding, chalky, cautious. Always late for meetings. 74 00:04:27,829 --> 00:04:31,870 Well, Lincolnshire's flat, Stu, but I wouldn't say it was always late for meetings. 75 00:04:32,470 --> 00:04:35,745 Yeah, maybe I'll do that, maybe I'll put that paper out after all. 76 00:04:35,829 --> 00:04:37,739 Service is a bit slow, isn't it? 77 00:04:37,828 --> 00:04:41,821 Ah, you see, that's your typical lowlanders reaction. That's got Lincolnshire written all over it. 78 00:04:41,908 --> 00:04:44,944 You got to understand that the Greek does things at his own tempo, you know, 79 00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:48,702 natural rhythms and cycles deep within them. The Yorkshireman in me respects that. 80 00:04:48,866 --> 00:04:51,017 Yeah, but we don't want to be late for the basketball game. 81 00:04:51,107 --> 00:04:53,496 Right. Service here, let's get some action at this table. 82 00:04:53,586 --> 00:04:55,144 Good afternoon, my lovely friends. 83 00:04:55,226 --> 00:04:58,820 -Okay, kali spera. -Ah, is lunch time. You mean kali mera. 84 00:04:59,824 --> 00:05:02,817 Yeah, well, obviously in some dialects, yeah. 85 00:05:06,504 --> 00:05:08,060 Good, good. So… 86 00:05:08,143 --> 00:05:10,136 The dish of the day is octopus. 87 00:05:10,224 --> 00:05:14,011 Yeah, I know that, Gordon, I know that. I'm well aware. 88 00:05:14,342 --> 00:05:16,982 Now, this octopus, where was it caught? 89 00:05:17,143 --> 00:05:20,339 Where was it caught? What a question. In the sea. 90 00:05:21,061 --> 00:05:24,416 Yeah, right. So that should be okay, Gordon, if you want to have that. I don't know. 91 00:05:24,501 --> 00:05:25,537 So? 92 00:05:37,179 --> 00:05:39,328 -What? -And for you. 93 00:05:39,977 --> 00:05:44,018 Oh, I'll have the same the parakalo, definitely. 94 00:05:45,897 --> 00:05:47,216 Certainly, gentlemen. 95 00:05:48,496 --> 00:05:51,488 Oh, and we ought to order up some wine while we're at it, shouldn't we? 96 00:05:51,576 --> 00:05:53,373 I just did that, Stu. 97 00:05:53,495 --> 00:05:56,055 Oh, yeah, of course you did. Sorry, Gordon. 98 00:05:56,135 --> 00:05:58,172 I was miles away there. 99 00:05:58,255 --> 00:06:00,849 He's a bit forward, isn't he? All that “my lovely friend” stuff. 100 00:06:00,935 --> 00:06:03,607 Ah, well, you see, Gordon, he's spotted a kindred spirit. 101 00:06:03,695 --> 00:06:07,210 What he's done is he's spotted the craggy moorlander in me 102 00:06:07,295 --> 00:06:09,248 and he knows that we're clients to be treated with respect. 103 00:06:09,334 --> 00:06:12,005 Not your average, walk-in, quick turnover merchants. 104 00:06:12,092 --> 00:06:15,005 Ah, dolmades for my two beautiful English gentlemen. 105 00:06:15,091 --> 00:06:16,367 -Great. -Looks good. 106 00:06:16,454 --> 00:06:19,092 Ah, it's very good. To my special friends, eh? 107 00:06:20,971 --> 00:06:24,247 -What is this? -Dolmades. Stuffed vine leaves. 108 00:06:24,331 --> 00:06:28,846 Stuffed vine leaves? Is he trying to take us for a ride? 109 00:06:29,131 --> 00:06:32,724 -No, it's a classic Greek dish. -A classic Greek… 110 00:06:32,889 --> 00:06:35,528 Gordon, what am I? A peasant or a busy executive? 111 00:06:35,609 --> 00:06:39,079 -Everything all right, my absolute darlings? -Yes, everything's fine, thank you. Yup. 112 00:06:39,169 --> 00:06:41,124 My friend doesn't like dolmades. 113 00:06:41,209 --> 00:06:43,962 -But you asked for dolmades. -Yes, he didn't know what they were. 114 00:06:44,089 --> 00:06:47,875 I knew… No, everything's just fine, thank you. 115 00:06:48,646 --> 00:06:51,399 Come on, Gordon, let's get out of here. This is just a tourist trap. 116 00:06:51,487 --> 00:06:53,557 -In Stevenage? -Why not? 117 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,363 But this is good, Stuart. 118 00:06:55,445 --> 00:06:58,720 Jesus, Gordon, these guys must've seen you just coming a mile off. 119 00:06:58,805 --> 00:07:00,363 Don't you want your dolmades, then? 120 00:07:00,445 --> 00:07:04,404 Do I want to push a stuffed vine leaf through my face? No, incredibly, I don't. 121 00:07:04,485 --> 00:07:07,636 Well, if you don't mind, I'll have yours. I'm starving. 122 00:07:07,725 --> 00:07:11,000 Oh, that is it, this wine is corked. 123 00:07:11,084 --> 00:07:13,392 It can't be corked, it's got a metal top. 124 00:07:13,484 --> 00:07:16,440 Don't get clever. Just taste it. Waiter! 125 00:07:17,362 --> 00:07:19,717 -Delicious. -Delicious? It's got something in it. 126 00:07:19,801 --> 00:07:22,110 -Yes, my excellent friends. -It's resinated. 127 00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:25,278 -Exactly. Waiter, this wine is… What was it? -Resinated. 128 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:28,433 -This wine is resinated in the bottle. -Yes, it's retsina. 129 00:07:28,561 --> 00:07:31,870 It's supposed to be like that, Stu. They add pine needle resins. 130 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,878 Yeah, thanks for your input, Gordon, but I hope I know my wines. 131 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:38,429 I didn't fork out on an encyclopedia of world wines for nothing. 132 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,157 The retsina is very good. 133 00:07:40,239 --> 00:07:43,709 This is a very good one, actually. It's one of the best I've ever tasted. What is it? 134 00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:47,232 You're going to invite me to the wedding, presumably? 135 00:07:47,318 --> 00:07:48,874 -What? -Give me pardon? 136 00:07:48,957 --> 00:07:50,948 You two are getting married, I take it. 137 00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,354 -Oh, Stuart. -No, no, obviously. 138 00:07:52,436 --> 00:07:54,313 I mean, a six-year friendship just goes out the window 139 00:07:54,397 --> 00:07:57,036 if you're gonna start siding with some Greek-o against me. 140 00:07:57,117 --> 00:07:59,756 I think, maybe, everything's not so right for my two lovers, eh? 141 00:07:59,835 --> 00:08:01,905 And you can cut that out for a start. 142 00:08:02,075 --> 00:08:04,430 -Listen, Stuart… -No, you listen, mush. 143 00:08:04,516 --> 00:08:07,746 While you were marking time doing linguaphone courses of the ancient world, 144 00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:11,349 I was out there pounding the streets of Tiverton learning the selling trade. 145 00:08:11,434 --> 00:08:13,628 -Stuart… -While you tanned your hairy arse 146 00:08:13,714 --> 00:08:17,786 on the nude beaches of Crete, or wherever it was, swilling turpentine 147 00:08:17,874 --> 00:08:22,662 and stuffing vine leaves with a bunch of perverts, I was out there getting my masters degree 148 00:08:22,751 --> 00:08:25,425 in the university of hard knocks and tough surprises. 149 00:08:25,511 --> 00:08:29,469 I make no apologies, mister, to you or your fancy lover boy. 150 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,508 Stuart, where are you going? 151 00:08:31,591 --> 00:08:34,980 -I can do you an omelet if you like, sir. -Ah, forget it. I've had enough, Gordon. 152 00:08:35,069 --> 00:08:37,948 I'm going out for an honest British kebab. 153 00:08:40,829 --> 00:08:45,901 Daphne du Maurier is a novelist and Gerald Kaufman is bald. Is that it? 154 00:08:46,748 --> 00:08:49,946 -Now, Theresa, you are a… -A costume designer. 155 00:08:50,028 --> 00:08:53,622 A costume designer, right, yes. And you've put together this magnificent costume 156 00:08:53,706 --> 00:08:55,378 for me to wear in the next sketch. 157 00:08:55,466 --> 00:08:58,821 I suppose a lot of people must be very keen to know where you actually start from 158 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,783 -when designing a costume. -Well, obviously, the first thing to do 159 00:09:01,865 --> 00:09:03,742 -is to start from the script. -Right. 160 00:09:03,824 --> 00:09:06,259 As a costume designer, we have to read the script 161 00:09:06,344 --> 00:09:09,018 to get a feel for what the writer's trying to do for the period 162 00:09:09,104 --> 00:09:12,619 and for whatever little details there are that will help the story. 163 00:09:12,703 --> 00:09:14,979 -Right. To fit the character and so on. -Precisely. 164 00:09:15,065 --> 00:09:18,500 Yeah. I suppose you must have to be quite a historian, really, 165 00:09:18,583 --> 00:09:22,700 to know about the details of the period and how wide the lapels were and all that sort of thing. 166 00:09:22,781 --> 00:09:26,013 That's right, because obviously audiences are so quick to spot mistakes. 167 00:09:26,101 --> 00:09:27,695 -Are they? -Oh, yes. 168 00:09:27,781 --> 00:09:30,739 They'll write in about the tiniest detail if they think you haven't got it right. 169 00:09:30,822 --> 00:09:32,300 -Really? -I once had a letter… 170 00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:35,929 Well, that's incredible. Well, let's… 171 00:09:36,020 --> 00:09:38,409 Let's hope that nobody writes in about this next sketch. 172 00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:40,490 -Fingers crossed. -Fingers crossed, exactly. 173 00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:42,614 -Theresa, thank you very much. -Oh, my pleasure. 174 00:09:42,699 --> 00:09:44,734 Right. Well, here goes. 175 00:09:45,378 --> 00:09:47,813 “Dear Mr Povey, thank you for your letter of the 14th. 176 00:09:47,898 --> 00:09:52,095 “I'm enclosing your application herewith as the vacancy has already been filled.” 177 00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:55,612 Sorry I'm late, Brian. The traffic was an absolute pig. 178 00:09:55,698 --> 00:09:58,290 That's all right, I was just catching up on some correspondence. 179 00:09:58,377 --> 00:10:00,254 -Yeah, it's good to get it out of the way, isn't it? -Exactly. 180 00:10:00,336 --> 00:10:01,894 Right, now, shall we crack on? 181 00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:03,772 As I see it, there are a number of routes we can take. 182 00:10:03,855 --> 00:10:06,652 -Yeah. Care to list them for me? -Sure. 183 00:10:06,735 --> 00:10:11,251 We can tackle the problem of restructuring distribution lag almost immediately. 184 00:10:11,333 --> 00:10:13,051 -Can I just interrupt you here? -Certainly, Peter. 185 00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:14,806 -Thanks. -Pleasure. 186 00:10:16,133 --> 00:10:18,443 The second option is a little more drastic 187 00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:21,173 and that's to examine the initial premise of setting up 188 00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:23,446 distribution as a lateral department. 189 00:10:23,533 --> 00:10:26,092 -Ah, now, well, you see, that may not be popular. -Exactly. 190 00:10:26,172 --> 00:10:29,607 But then again, you and I didn't get into this business in order to be popular, did we? 191 00:10:29,691 --> 00:10:32,648 I hoped you'd say that, Peter, and you haven't let me down on that score. 192 00:10:32,731 --> 00:10:35,005 -Oh, blast. -What? 193 00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:38,286 -Sorry, I've still… I've still got my watch on. -Oh, no. 194 00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:40,361 -Well, no, somebody would have noticed. -You're right. 195 00:10:40,450 --> 00:10:41,642 Sorry. 196 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,284 Daphne du Maurier wrote Rebecca 197 00:10:44,368 --> 00:10:48,600 and Gerald Kaufman has extremely strong views on community policing. That must be it. 198 00:10:49,209 --> 00:10:52,085 -Say “99”. -99. 199 00:10:53,167 --> 00:10:54,646 Say “thank you”. 200 00:10:55,207 --> 00:10:56,526 Thank you. 201 00:10:57,967 --> 00:10:59,685 Say “breasts”. 202 00:11:00,845 --> 00:11:02,246 Breasts. 203 00:11:02,886 --> 00:11:04,558 Hmm. “R”. 204 00:11:04,846 --> 00:11:05,914 R. 205 00:11:06,005 --> 00:11:07,404 -Good. -Good. 206 00:11:07,485 --> 00:11:08,714 Yes. 207 00:11:08,886 --> 00:11:11,114 Do your shirt up now, Mr Pepperdyne. 208 00:11:11,205 --> 00:11:13,319 Everything… everything as it should be? 209 00:11:13,403 --> 00:11:15,155 I don't think there's anything to worry about. 210 00:11:15,244 --> 00:11:17,677 Now, you say you've had a little difficulty breathing at nights? 211 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:21,313 -Ah, yes. That's right, yeah. -Been bringing up any sputum? 212 00:11:21,484 --> 00:11:25,600 -Er, no, not really. -Any yellow or green in your phlegm, blood? 213 00:11:25,803 --> 00:11:28,237 -No. -Mmm-hmm. A bit of tightness in the chest? 214 00:11:28,322 --> 00:11:30,914 -Ah, yes, a little, yeah. -Uh-huh. Headaches? 215 00:11:31,001 --> 00:11:33,834 What, apart from the children, you mean? No. Not really, no. 216 00:11:36,959 --> 00:11:38,155 Um… 217 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:42,316 Right. Well, I think I'm going to put you on a course of these. 218 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,757 I don't know if you've ever had them before. One 20 times a day. 219 00:11:47,757 --> 00:11:49,192 What are they? 220 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:53,555 Well, it's a simple arsinous monoxide nicotinal preparation 221 00:11:53,637 --> 00:11:57,471 -taken bronchially as an infumation. -An infumation? 222 00:11:57,557 --> 00:11:59,626 Yes, you light the end and breathe in. 223 00:11:59,717 --> 00:12:01,753 -Oh, like cigarettes? -Oh, you know them, then? 224 00:12:01,837 --> 00:12:06,148 Yes, little hard for a doctor to admit, but they're basically a herbal remedy. 225 00:12:06,276 --> 00:12:08,789 -Oh, herbal cigarettes. -That's right, yes. 226 00:12:08,915 --> 00:12:13,271 Um, the leaf originally comes from America, I believe. It's called tobacco. 227 00:12:13,953 --> 00:12:16,229 -But medicated? -Medicated? No. 228 00:12:16,313 --> 00:12:19,032 -What? These are ordinary cigarettes? -That's right. 229 00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,421 But they're terribly bad for you, aren't they? 230 00:12:21,513 --> 00:12:24,426 I hardly think I'd be prescribing them if they were bad for you, would I? 231 00:12:24,513 --> 00:12:27,265 -What, 20 a day? -That's right, ideally rising to 30 or 40 232 00:12:27,352 --> 00:12:29,786 if they begin to be… If they seem to be doing the trick. 233 00:12:29,872 --> 00:12:33,784 But these give you lung cancer and bronchitis and emphysema, don't they? 234 00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:35,907 What on earth gave you that idea? 235 00:12:35,992 --> 00:12:39,107 -Well, I thought everybody knew that. -Are you a doctor? 236 00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:42,500 -No, but it stands to reason. -What are you talking about, stands to reason? 237 00:12:42,591 --> 00:12:46,299 You wouldn't know what a pair of lungs did if you hadn't been told, would you? 238 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:49,222 It's taken mankind thousands of years to work out what a heart does, 239 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,423 what blood vessels are for, what kidneys do. 240 00:12:51,548 --> 00:12:53,664 And now, just because you've read a few weedy magazine articles, 241 00:12:53,748 --> 00:12:56,262 you think you know more about the human body than I do? 242 00:12:56,348 --> 00:12:59,100 -No, but it can't be natural, can it? -It's a perfectly natural leaf. 243 00:12:59,227 --> 00:13:01,616 Yes, but setting fire to it and inhaling. 244 00:13:01,706 --> 00:13:04,743 It's more natural than Baked Alaska or nylon socks. 245 00:13:06,306 --> 00:13:10,183 Yeah, well, yes, but you don't inhale nylon socks. At least, I don't. 246 00:13:10,825 --> 00:13:14,863 A bit of leaf smoke to loosen the lungs, clear the head, ease that tightness. 247 00:13:14,944 --> 00:13:16,696 Perfectly sound. 248 00:13:16,784 --> 00:13:19,617 You'll be telling me that cholesterol isn't bad for you next. 249 00:13:19,704 --> 00:13:21,103 What's cholesterol? 250 00:13:22,104 --> 00:13:23,900 -Well, you know… -Yes, I know perfectly well, 251 00:13:23,984 --> 00:13:26,895 but I don't suppose you'd even heard of it until about five years ago, had you? 252 00:13:26,983 --> 00:13:29,623 -You'd die without the stuff. -Yes, but too much is bad for you. 253 00:13:29,703 --> 00:13:34,695 But of course too much is bad for you. Too much of anything is bad for you, you blithering twat. 254 00:13:34,782 --> 00:13:38,251 That's what “too much” means, too much water would be bad for you. 255 00:13:38,340 --> 00:13:42,572 Obviously, too much is precisely that quantity which is excessive, that's what it means. 256 00:13:42,660 --> 00:13:43,809 Jesus. 257 00:13:45,220 --> 00:13:49,007 -Well, I thought… -You thought? You didn't think at all, did you? 258 00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:52,568 Cigarettes are healing, harmless and natural. 259 00:13:53,059 --> 00:13:55,366 Well, if you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion. 260 00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:57,096 -That is your privilege. -Right. 261 00:13:57,177 --> 00:14:00,647 My second opinion is that they are also cheap, stylish and nutritious. 262 00:14:00,817 --> 00:14:03,206 -Really? -Yep, and if you want a third opinion, 263 00:14:03,297 --> 00:14:06,572 I'll tell you that they're healing, soothing and sexy. 264 00:14:06,657 --> 00:14:11,571 -Well, that seems to clinch it. -Exactly. 20 a day rising to 30 or 40 as necessary. 265 00:14:11,656 --> 00:14:14,691 -And the tightness in the chest? -Should disappear completely. 266 00:14:14,775 --> 00:14:17,163 -Right, well, you're the doctor. -Hmm? 267 00:14:17,255 --> 00:14:20,929 -I said, “You're the doctor.” -What on earth gives you that idea? 268 00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:24,165 -Well, you did. -You're pathetic, aren't you? 269 00:14:25,172 --> 00:14:27,891 I'm a tobacconist. Isn't it obvious? 270 00:14:28,973 --> 00:14:30,167 Well, no. 271 00:14:30,253 --> 00:14:34,449 Well, I do grant you it does look a little bit more like a doctor's surgery than a tobacconist's. 272 00:14:34,530 --> 00:14:35,681 But why? 273 00:14:35,772 --> 00:14:38,922 Because you're the kind of git that falls for that sort of thing, that's why. 274 00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:42,047 It's the same reason that cosmetics sales staff wear white coats, 275 00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:45,440 because fools like you think that something with a Swiss name that calls itself 276 00:14:45,529 --> 00:14:49,318 a skin treatment is better for you than a tub of cold cream, which is all you're actually getting. 277 00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:51,844 You're a credulous git, Mr Pepperdyne. 278 00:14:52,410 --> 00:14:56,366 A stethoscope and a plausible manner do not make a doctor. I'm a conman. 279 00:14:56,448 --> 00:14:58,643 And you are a moron. 280 00:14:59,807 --> 00:15:02,274 -So you're not a doctor? -Could be. 281 00:15:03,126 --> 00:15:04,526 What do you think? 282 00:15:04,606 --> 00:15:07,042 -You really want to know? -I'd be fascinated. 283 00:15:07,127 --> 00:15:10,004 Well, I think you've taken a reasonably interesting idea 284 00:15:10,087 --> 00:15:13,317 and you've basically just completely overworked it. I think what started out 285 00:15:13,406 --> 00:15:17,364 as quite an interesting statement on our susceptibility to received ideas, 286 00:15:17,444 --> 00:15:22,312 has just turned into a rambling, vague, ill thought out piece of drivel, frankly. 287 00:15:22,402 --> 00:15:23,836 And I think you ought to end it now. 288 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,242 -Oh, really? -Yeah. 289 00:15:25,323 --> 00:15:28,120 Well, I think that shows you've just completely… 290 00:15:28,723 --> 00:15:31,633 No, I can't read that. I'm a Methodist. 291 00:15:33,201 --> 00:15:35,157 Oh, out loud? Oh, sorry. 292 00:15:35,761 --> 00:15:36,796 Um… 293 00:15:36,882 --> 00:15:38,108 It… 294 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,358 Who wrote this? 295 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,515 I can't… I can't read that. There's nothing there. 296 00:15:48,519 --> 00:15:51,273 Oh, why'd you put it on the back? 297 00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:52,593 I can't read. 298 00:15:53,839 --> 00:15:57,547 You know, some of the funniest things that ever happen here in TV 299 00:15:57,678 --> 00:15:59,952 never actually make it to our screens. 300 00:16:00,037 --> 00:16:03,029 I'm talking about the out-takes or mistakes 301 00:16:03,118 --> 00:16:06,666 that we here in television land get so embarrassed about. 302 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:10,829 Here's one of my all-time favourites. It's a great blooper 303 00:16:10,916 --> 00:16:16,434 and it was recorded for an edition of Open University way back in 1973. 304 00:16:18,433 --> 00:16:23,587 As we can see, if we increase the non-reflexive integers in the equation 305 00:16:23,835 --> 00:16:29,510 by a quantity denoted by D5, the parallel quantities D3 and D7 306 00:16:29,593 --> 00:16:31,548 are inverted in the same direction, 307 00:16:31,632 --> 00:16:36,944 giving us a resultant modular quantity of 0.567359. 308 00:16:37,312 --> 00:16:39,667 Now, this should begin to give us some clues as to where the… 309 00:16:39,752 --> 00:16:42,901 Sorry, Brian, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I've got to stop you there. 310 00:16:42,990 --> 00:16:44,788 What? What's happened? 311 00:16:45,389 --> 00:16:49,861 You said… You said 0.567359. 312 00:16:49,949 --> 00:16:51,746 -Oh, no, I didn't, did I? -Yes! 313 00:16:51,829 --> 00:16:55,139 -It should be 0.567395. -395. 314 00:16:55,228 --> 00:16:57,981 I don't believe it. Oh, no! 315 00:17:02,308 --> 00:17:04,219 F… hell! 316 00:17:04,308 --> 00:17:05,740 Oh, Christ! 317 00:17:15,544 --> 00:17:17,377 Oh, that was marvellous. 318 00:17:17,466 --> 00:17:21,014 567359. 319 00:17:22,665 --> 00:17:24,222 Oh, dear. Vic. 320 00:17:26,303 --> 00:17:30,057 I killed her because she said she was going to marry Noel Edmonds. 321 00:17:30,703 --> 00:17:34,012 Until then, she'd really been pretty much a model daughter. 322 00:17:35,143 --> 00:17:36,814 Oh, every time, every time. 323 00:17:38,062 --> 00:17:40,895 The judge was very sympathetic, thank goodness. 324 00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:53,174 -Oh, hello, Murchison. -Oh, Control. You gave me quite a fright there. 325 00:17:53,258 --> 00:17:55,978 -I nearly spilt your coffee. -Oh, that's all right. 326 00:17:56,059 --> 00:17:59,732 I can easily mop up that quite small drop just here and, anyway, 327 00:17:59,818 --> 00:18:02,854 it was very kind of you to bring me in any coffee at all. 328 00:18:02,938 --> 00:18:08,135 Not at all. I was coming in anyway and I thought, “Why not bring Control a cup? 329 00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:11,652 “It's 11:00, I'd expect he'd welcome some coffee.” 330 00:18:11,976 --> 00:18:13,853 Greatly appreciated. 331 00:18:13,936 --> 00:18:18,726 I spoke to Valerie and she said you like a little bit of milk, not too much, and no sugar. 332 00:18:19,134 --> 00:18:22,844 -I hope that's right. -That's exactly how I like my coffee. 333 00:18:25,214 --> 00:18:27,647 I suppose I'd better tell you why I came in. 334 00:18:27,734 --> 00:18:29,804 Yes, did you have something you wish to say to me, 335 00:18:29,893 --> 00:18:32,282 or perhaps you'd like to ask me a question? 336 00:18:33,572 --> 00:18:36,212 It's sort of a mixture of both really, Control. 337 00:18:36,293 --> 00:18:39,044 Do you remember how some time ago we decided to put a tail 338 00:18:39,131 --> 00:18:42,124 on that new cultural attaché at the Russian Embassy? 339 00:18:42,530 --> 00:18:44,762 Yes, I remember it very well. 340 00:18:45,011 --> 00:18:48,559 We thought he might be a spy working for the KGB. 341 00:18:48,691 --> 00:18:51,648 So I said, “Why not follow him around a bit 342 00:18:51,729 --> 00:18:54,528 “and see if he does anything that might look suspicious.” 343 00:18:55,369 --> 00:18:59,123 That's right. We gave him the codename Big Bad Wolf. 344 00:18:59,367 --> 00:19:03,203 And you said it would be a good idea if we put Philip and his F-division 345 00:19:03,288 --> 00:19:04,802 in charge of the surveillance. 346 00:19:04,888 --> 00:19:09,006 That's right. Operation Coathanger we called it if memory serves. 347 00:19:09,728 --> 00:19:13,002 You were sitting over there, it was quite a rainy day, 348 00:19:13,127 --> 00:19:15,923 and Philip was standing by the desk. 349 00:19:16,687 --> 00:19:19,120 Yes, although, if you remember, 350 00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:24,443 it was before you moved your desk round this way, so Philip would have been over there. 351 00:19:26,163 --> 00:19:27,721 Oh, yes. 352 00:19:28,445 --> 00:19:31,914 I must say, I much prefer it like this. I don't think I'll go back. 353 00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:36,519 I can see all the door and I've got quite a nice view over St Giles Circus. 354 00:19:37,323 --> 00:19:38,994 That must be nice. 355 00:19:40,042 --> 00:19:44,717 Anyway, I'm afraid it looks as if Big Bad Wolf probably is a spy after all. 356 00:19:44,882 --> 00:19:47,952 Oh, dear. Just as well we took the trouble to check up. 357 00:19:48,041 --> 00:19:52,032 It does show that it's always worth chasing things up thoroughly. 358 00:19:52,878 --> 00:19:55,712 Has he been meeting known KGB agents, then? 359 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,473 Yes, I'm afraid he has, as you can see for yourself. 360 00:20:09,677 --> 00:20:11,553 I must say, I like this folder. 361 00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:18,835 -Didn't the old ones used to be buff coloured? -That's right. 362 00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:22,544 It was Valerie's idea to change over to the new blue ones. 363 00:20:22,636 --> 00:20:25,593 She thought it might cheer the place up a bit. 364 00:20:25,674 --> 00:20:27,265 Very nice, too. 365 00:20:27,353 --> 00:20:32,222 Ah, “Big Bad Wolf has a meeting with Colonel Andreyev in John Lewis'.” 366 00:20:33,473 --> 00:20:36,748 Do you think Philip took this surveillance photograph himself? 367 00:20:36,832 --> 00:20:39,789 -It does look like Philip's handiwork, doesn't it? -Hmm. 368 00:20:40,513 --> 00:20:43,505 You can't see which department they're in. 369 00:20:43,592 --> 00:20:46,549 Well, I do hope Big Bad Wolf hasn't been stealing any of our secrets 370 00:20:46,631 --> 00:20:49,748 or trying to persuade any of our agents to defect to the East. 371 00:20:50,551 --> 00:20:52,825 That would be pretty galling, wouldn't it? 372 00:20:53,389 --> 00:20:56,144 I tell you what, you'd better leave this with me, Murchison. 373 00:20:56,230 --> 00:20:59,426 -Are you going to tell the Minister? -I shall have to do that, yes. 374 00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:02,023 Meanwhile, Philip had better keep up his surveillance. 375 00:21:02,109 --> 00:21:06,101 Would you like me to tell him to do that? I shall be seeing him later on today. 376 00:21:06,229 --> 00:21:09,061 Would you? That would certainly save me the trouble. 377 00:21:09,148 --> 00:21:10,421 No problem. 378 00:21:10,507 --> 00:21:13,146 -Right, well, thank you. -You're welcome. 379 00:21:13,867 --> 00:21:15,857 Anyway, I'd better get back to my office now. 380 00:21:15,947 --> 00:21:18,905 The Prague desk is in a bit of a flap. 381 00:21:19,586 --> 00:21:21,860 Uh-oh. I won't keep you, then. 382 00:21:22,386 --> 00:21:24,820 I'll let you know if anything else crops up. 383 00:21:25,305 --> 00:21:29,422 Thanks, Tony. Oh, and thank you again for the coffee. It tasted very nice. 384 00:21:31,225 --> 00:21:34,181 An absolute pleasure. Bye-bye, Control. 385 00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:36,101 Bye-bye, Murchison. 386 00:21:37,662 --> 00:21:39,972 Well, I just told him to stuff it. 387 00:21:40,062 --> 00:21:42,257 But he said that it'd been dead too long. 388 00:21:43,541 --> 00:21:47,772 Douglas Hurd, that's a tricky one. Um… cauliflower? 389 00:21:54,101 --> 00:21:55,773 Just turn the handle. 390 00:21:59,779 --> 00:22:02,213 Look, look, turn the handle. What's the matter with you? 391 00:22:02,300 --> 00:22:03,525 Nothing. 392 00:22:03,618 --> 00:22:06,178 Why can't you just… Look, I didn't carry this thing 393 00:22:06,258 --> 00:22:09,807 all the way from the bloody car park just to turn the handle and walk in. 394 00:22:09,897 --> 00:22:11,570 Well, I'm going to if it's all right with you. 395 00:22:11,658 --> 00:22:14,490 You do what you want, I'm going to knock this bloody door down. 396 00:22:14,577 --> 00:22:16,532 Well, close it, close it. 397 00:22:17,136 --> 00:22:19,934 -What do you want? -Mrs Catherine Popey? 398 00:22:20,056 --> 00:22:21,283 Yes. Oh! 399 00:22:21,376 --> 00:22:23,604 -Who are you? -Sorry to disturb you, madam, 400 00:22:23,695 --> 00:22:27,927 we're making some routine door-to-door enquiries in the neighbourhood, 401 00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:30,812 and we wondered if we might come in. 402 00:22:30,895 --> 00:22:33,930 -Finished. -Well, why didn't you ring the bell? 403 00:22:34,135 --> 00:22:37,603 You see, I knew this was going to happen. She's asking why we didn't ring the bell now. 404 00:22:37,694 --> 00:22:40,003 Oh, um, we thought you were out. 405 00:22:40,093 --> 00:22:43,050 -No, no, no, that's the wrong answer. -Was that not right? 406 00:22:43,133 --> 00:22:45,009 -We didn't want to disturb you. -No, no. 407 00:22:45,092 --> 00:22:47,126 No? If we'd rung the bell, 408 00:22:47,211 --> 00:22:49,567 there would've been no point in my having carried this sledgehammer 409 00:22:49,651 --> 00:22:52,040 -all the way from the car park. -I see. 410 00:22:52,532 --> 00:22:54,441 Yep, I think we might have got away with that one. 411 00:22:54,531 --> 00:22:55,645 Good. 412 00:22:55,730 --> 00:22:58,961 Now then, Mrs Popey, if you'd just like to sit down. 413 00:23:00,529 --> 00:23:02,805 -I like them. They're good, aren't they? -Yeah. 414 00:23:03,449 --> 00:23:05,598 -I'd better turn the volume down… -Yeah, all right. 415 00:23:05,689 --> 00:23:08,647 -He's crazy that one. Great. -He's crazy. 416 00:23:08,728 --> 00:23:12,038 Right, Mrs Popey, your husband, is he at home? 417 00:23:12,168 --> 00:23:14,806 -What? -Your husband, is he at home at the current time? 418 00:23:14,887 --> 00:23:18,196 -I haven't got a husband. -No husband. I see. 419 00:23:18,287 --> 00:23:21,085 -Well, when do you expect him back? -What? 420 00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:24,043 -No, no. That is the wrong question. -Was that wrong? It's not right? 421 00:23:24,125 --> 00:23:26,684 -Now… -Well, when do you expect her back? 422 00:23:28,165 --> 00:23:32,601 Mrs Popey, computer trace currently indicates that you are the holder of one husband. 423 00:23:32,683 --> 00:23:33,833 Well, I'm not. 424 00:23:33,924 --> 00:23:37,120 I see. Well, I'll have my colleagues duly amend the record accordingly. 425 00:23:37,204 --> 00:23:38,796 -Now, then, Mrs Popey. -Yes? 426 00:23:38,883 --> 00:23:41,158 Your husband's been a bit busy lately, hasn't he? 427 00:23:41,243 --> 00:23:43,632 -What? -He's been giving us a right run around. 428 00:23:43,722 --> 00:23:46,157 He's a scumbag, that's what he is. 429 00:23:46,243 --> 00:23:49,075 He's a great, big bag of scum. 430 00:23:49,161 --> 00:23:54,075 Scumming around in a big bag, that's what he is. He always has been and he always will be. 431 00:23:54,159 --> 00:23:56,311 I haven't got a husband. I'm not married. 432 00:23:56,402 --> 00:24:00,950 You can take the scum out of the bag, but you can't take the bag out of the scum. 433 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,953 -Yeah. -Boil in the bag scum, that's what he is. 434 00:24:04,038 --> 00:24:08,668 Yeah, my colleague may be putting it a little bit more forthright than I would myself, Mrs Popey, 435 00:24:08,759 --> 00:24:11,191 but then I like to think that's why we work so well together. 436 00:24:11,279 --> 00:24:13,552 -We compliment each other. -Really? 437 00:24:13,637 --> 00:24:15,435 Yes. Watch this. You're looking very smart today. 438 00:24:15,518 --> 00:24:17,394 Oh, thank you. That's a very nice haircut. 439 00:24:17,478 --> 00:24:19,353 You see? Teamwork. 440 00:24:19,436 --> 00:24:21,266 Now, then, Mrs Popey, this husband of yours… 441 00:24:21,357 --> 00:24:25,827 Oh, for heaven's sake. How many times do I have to tell you? I haven't got a husband. 442 00:24:25,915 --> 00:24:27,712 -Well… -25. 443 00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:31,348 Excuse me just for a moment, Mrs Popey? What? 444 00:24:31,435 --> 00:24:34,471 She's got to tell us 25 times that she hasn't got a husband. 445 00:24:34,553 --> 00:24:35,669 Why? 446 00:24:36,954 --> 00:24:39,264 -Once for every day in the week. -No. 447 00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:40,945 -That doesn't… No. -That doesn't help. 448 00:24:41,032 --> 00:24:44,741 All right, then. Once for every year he's going to spend inside, the scumbag. 449 00:24:44,832 --> 00:24:46,824 Look, I don't know who you are, 450 00:24:46,912 --> 00:24:50,143 or why you want to speak to a husband I haven't got, but I'm telling you… 451 00:24:50,232 --> 00:24:54,190 I assure you, Mrs Popey, we don't want to speak to him. 452 00:24:54,271 --> 00:24:55,829 -Oh, don't you? -No. 453 00:24:55,912 --> 00:24:58,300 No, no, no. Speak to him? No. 454 00:24:58,431 --> 00:25:01,182 I think you've been watching too much television, Mrs Popey. 455 00:25:01,270 --> 00:25:04,500 Well, whatever. The point is, I haven't got a husband, 456 00:25:04,589 --> 00:25:08,582 and, therefore, do you think it's possible that you could have the wrong house? 457 00:25:08,668 --> 00:25:12,263 -No, no, no. -No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 458 00:25:12,347 --> 00:25:13,542 -No. -No. 459 00:25:13,628 --> 00:25:15,220 -No. -We've already been there. 460 00:25:15,308 --> 00:25:16,580 -Where? -The wrong house. 461 00:25:16,668 --> 00:25:18,702 -We've just come from the wrong house. -That's right. 462 00:25:18,787 --> 00:25:20,903 What my colleague says is substantially correct, Mrs Popey. 463 00:25:20,987 --> 00:25:24,502 We have just come from the wrong house. So your argument doesn't really stand up, does it? 464 00:25:24,585 --> 00:25:26,178 No, that argument falls straight over. 465 00:25:26,266 --> 00:25:27,903 -Yeah, just lies there. -Yeah. 466 00:25:27,985 --> 00:25:30,453 Now, well, since you claim to be alone in the house, Mrs Popey, 467 00:25:30,545 --> 00:25:32,341 I'm sure you won't mind if we have a quick look around? 468 00:25:32,424 --> 00:25:35,177 -How quick? -Oh, very quick. Very quick, I assure you. 469 00:25:35,264 --> 00:25:37,095 Well, help yourself. 470 00:25:38,903 --> 00:25:42,055 -There. That didn't hurt, did it? -Well, it did, actually, in fact. 471 00:25:42,144 --> 00:25:45,499 Just whatever you do, don't wake up my son. 472 00:25:45,583 --> 00:25:46,902 -Oh. -Oh. 473 00:25:46,983 --> 00:25:50,213 -I beg your pardon. -Oh, so do I. Yes, I beg it as well. 474 00:25:50,303 --> 00:25:53,658 My son is asleep upstairs and I'd rather you didn't wake him. 475 00:25:53,742 --> 00:25:56,130 Now, just a moment, Mrs Popey, just one moment. 476 00:25:56,222 --> 00:25:58,256 Whoa, there, boy! Whoa! 477 00:26:00,020 --> 00:26:01,499 Your son? 478 00:26:01,579 --> 00:26:05,093 -But you told us you didn't have a husband. -Well, I haven't. 479 00:26:05,220 --> 00:26:06,777 Mrs Popey, Mrs Popey. 480 00:26:07,540 --> 00:26:09,335 Mrs Popey, Mrs Popey. 481 00:26:10,057 --> 00:26:12,412 Mrs Popey, Mrs Popey. 482 00:26:12,537 --> 00:26:14,892 We may be stupid, but we're not clever. 483 00:26:16,338 --> 00:26:18,612 How can you have a son if you haven't got a husband? 484 00:26:18,698 --> 00:26:22,371 -That sounds rather miraculous to me. -He was a sailor. 485 00:26:22,456 --> 00:26:25,334 -I see, in the navy, was he? -No, the NatWest. 486 00:26:26,936 --> 00:26:29,690 Yeah, well, we'll leave that for the moment, Mrs Popey. 487 00:26:29,776 --> 00:26:32,528 Now this… this putative son of yours. 488 00:26:32,615 --> 00:26:34,968 Now, you say that he… 489 00:26:37,335 --> 00:26:38,482 Sorry. 490 00:26:42,294 --> 00:26:45,650 -You say that he's upstairs? -Yes, he's asleep. 491 00:26:45,733 --> 00:26:47,212 What, tired, is he? 492 00:26:47,293 --> 00:26:50,409 I'm not surprised he's tired after the merry dance he's been leading us. 493 00:26:50,492 --> 00:26:53,642 -Yeah, very merry dance he's led us, yeah. -Yeah. Right gay gavotte. 494 00:26:53,731 --> 00:26:58,043 -Ha, ha, ha, ha, I'm so merry. -I think, if it's all the same to you, Mrs Popey, 495 00:26:58,131 --> 00:27:01,362 you'd better ask this son of yours to come downstairs and answer a few questions. 496 00:27:01,451 --> 00:27:04,487 Only if you promise to leave as soon as you've finished. 497 00:27:04,570 --> 00:27:09,517 I assure you, Mrs Popey, we shall leave just as soon as we've finished being here. 498 00:27:10,489 --> 00:27:13,798 -What a charming woman. -Oh, a charming, super delightful woman. 499 00:27:13,888 --> 00:27:14,924 -Yes. -Yes. 500 00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:18,602 -And rather a fabulous taste in decor. -Oh, I agree. I agree entirely, yes. 501 00:27:18,686 --> 00:27:20,279 The furnishings and fitments are very A-one. 502 00:27:20,367 --> 00:27:23,040 -Exactly. I mean, look at these sofa coverings. -They're lovely. 503 00:27:23,127 --> 00:27:25,197 -They're durable. -Probably washable, I shouldn't be surprised. 504 00:27:25,285 --> 00:27:26,800 -Just bung 'em in the machine. -Yeah. 505 00:27:26,886 --> 00:27:28,478 Take them off the sofa first. 506 00:27:28,565 --> 00:27:29,840 -Did I not make that clear? -No. 507 00:27:29,927 --> 00:27:33,441 Yes, take them off the sofa. Unless, of course, you got a very big machine. 508 00:27:33,526 --> 00:27:36,756 -Yeah, yeah, or a very small sofa. -Yeah, either/or. 509 00:27:36,845 --> 00:27:39,677 -I think she's taking it very well. -Well, this is it, you see. 510 00:27:39,763 --> 00:27:42,357 -Too well? -Well, I didn't want to mention it, 511 00:27:42,444 --> 00:27:44,911 but, yeah, maybe she's taking it too well. Yeah, yeah. 512 00:27:45,004 --> 00:27:47,197 This is my son William. 513 00:27:48,123 --> 00:27:49,520 Yeah, um… 514 00:27:54,802 --> 00:27:58,680 Well, you've been a bit of a naughty boy, William, haven't you? 515 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,592 Ask him what he's done with the stuff. 516 00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,434 Yeah, what have you done with the stuff? 517 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,195 -Scumbag. -Scumbag.