1
00:00:00,207 --> 00:00:01,860
Um…

2
00:00:02,504 --> 00:00:07,377
Oh! Oh! No, that's revolting.
Oh! It's Welsh, is it?

3
00:00:32,357 --> 00:00:35,235
It's, um… It's blended, is it?

4
00:00:40,716 --> 00:00:41,947
Roy Hattersley?

5
00:00:48,001 --> 00:00:49,036
Chanel?

6
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:54,561
We'd like to announce that we'll be holding
a competition during tonight's show.

7
00:00:54,643 --> 00:00:56,838
What's basically gonna happen is this…

8
00:00:56,922 --> 00:00:59,359
We'll be performing a series of sketches

9
00:00:59,445 --> 00:01:02,199
and, obviously, we'll be wearing
different costumes for each one.

10
00:01:02,285 --> 00:01:06,645
Except that tonight, we're actually
going to be wearing the wrong trousers…

11
00:01:06,728 --> 00:01:09,115
-for every sketch.
-That's right.

12
00:01:09,247 --> 00:01:12,047
What's happened is,
we've mixed up the trousers at random.

13
00:01:12,169 --> 00:01:16,049
And what you have to do
is to use your skill and judgement…

14
00:01:16,130 --> 00:01:18,884
to find out which trousers
go with which sketch.

15
00:01:18,971 --> 00:01:23,329
That's right. So, for example, if you think
the trousers that I wear in sketch A

16
00:01:23,413 --> 00:01:28,167
should have been worn by Stephen in sketch G,
for example, then just write it down.

17
00:01:28,252 --> 00:01:31,803
When you've got them all, send us a card,
also saying, in not more than ten words,

18
00:01:31,894 --> 00:01:34,126
why you think trousers are important.

19
00:01:35,415 --> 00:01:39,456
And the first correct entry opened
will receive this…

20
00:01:39,897 --> 00:01:43,859
rather magnificent pair of trousers.
They're pretty stunning, I think you'll agree,

21
00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:47,656
as well as a guided tour
around the trouser department

22
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,413
here at A Bit Of Fry & Laurie.

23
00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:52,652
A tour led by the ever-popular
Cliff Michelmore.

24
00:01:52,742 --> 00:01:55,495
-So, good luck.
-And good trouser-spotting.

25
00:01:58,702 --> 00:01:59,898
Come.

26
00:02:01,824 --> 00:02:03,702
Ah, Terry, come in, come in, come in.

27
00:02:05,904 --> 00:02:09,980
-Now, do you know why I sent for you?
-Not really, sir. No.

28
00:02:10,067 --> 00:02:12,058
Not really, not really. No.

29
00:02:12,147 --> 00:02:13,376
Well, um…

30
00:02:13,468 --> 00:02:16,985
First of all, let me congratulate you
on winning the school poetry prize.

31
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,471
Oh, thank you, sir.

32
00:02:18,551 --> 00:02:22,509
Mr Drip tells me that it's
one of the most mature and exciting poems

33
00:02:22,589 --> 00:02:24,105
he's ever received from a pupil.

34
00:02:24,192 --> 00:02:25,988
Don't suck your thumb, boy.

35
00:02:28,193 --> 00:02:29,706
Well, I'm not, sir.

36
00:02:29,793 --> 00:02:32,513
No, it was just a piece of general advice
for the future.

37
00:02:34,636 --> 00:02:39,266
Now, Terry. Terry. Terry. Terence. Terenche.

38
00:02:39,357 --> 00:02:42,714
It's about this poem, really.
I've read it, Terry.

39
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,676
I can't pretend to be
much of a judge of poetry,

40
00:02:44,759 --> 00:02:47,432
I'm an English teacher, not a homosexual.

41
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,035
I have to say that it worried me.

42
00:02:53,119 --> 00:02:56,636
-Oh?
-Yes, worried me. I have it in front of me. Now…

43
00:02:56,721 --> 00:02:59,157
“Inked Ravens of Despair

44
00:02:59,283 --> 00:03:02,594
“Claw Holes in the Arse of the World's Mind.”

45
00:03:04,125 --> 00:03:06,479
I mean,
what kind of a title for a poem is that?

46
00:03:07,966 --> 00:03:10,638
-It's my title, sir.
-“Arse of the World's Mind”?

47
00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:13,480
I mean, what does that mean?
Are you unhappy about something?

48
00:03:13,566 --> 00:03:15,048
I think that's what the poem explores.

49
00:03:15,130 --> 00:03:17,723
Explores? Oh, it explores, does it? I see.

50
00:03:17,809 --> 00:03:20,721
Well, let's have a look
at what it explores, shall we?

51
00:03:20,810 --> 00:03:22,689
“Scrotal threats…

52
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,961
“unhorse a question of flowers.”

53
00:03:26,053 --> 00:03:28,726
I mean, what's the matter with you?
Are you sickening for something?

54
00:03:28,813 --> 00:03:31,407
Or is it a girl?
Is that the root of the problem?

55
00:03:31,493 --> 00:03:33,962
It's not something I can explain, sir.
It's all in the poem.

56
00:03:34,053 --> 00:03:36,616
It most certainly is “all in the poem.”

57
00:03:37,255 --> 00:03:41,455
Now, “I asked for answers
and got a head full of heroin in return.”

58
00:03:42,297 --> 00:03:44,207
Terry, look at me.
Who's been giving you heroin?

59
00:03:44,296 --> 00:03:46,814
This is a very serious matter.
We must do something about it.

60
00:03:46,899 --> 00:03:49,130
-No one, sir.
-No, no, Terry, I must insist.

61
00:03:49,220 --> 00:03:51,859
It's in the poem. “I asked for answers
and got a head full of heroin.”

62
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,138
This is a police matter.
You must tell me who's been giving you heroin.

63
00:03:55,221 --> 00:03:56,736
Sir, no one has given me heroin.

64
00:03:56,823 --> 00:03:59,895
So this poem is a fiction, is it?
A fantasy? A lie? What's happening?

65
00:03:59,984 --> 00:04:01,461
No, it's all true. It's autobiographical.

66
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,342
Well then, Terry, I must insist you tell me
who has been giving you heroin.

67
00:04:04,423 --> 00:04:05,824
Is it another boy?

68
00:04:05,905 --> 00:04:07,625
Well, sir. You have.

69
00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:11,697
I have?
What are you talking about, you diseased boy?

70
00:04:11,787 --> 00:04:15,257
This is rank standing impertinence.
I've never given anyone heroin in my life.

71
00:04:15,347 --> 00:04:17,625
-No, it's a metaphor.
-Metaphor? How metaphor?

72
00:04:17,710 --> 00:04:22,579
It means, I came to school to learn,
but all I got was junk instead of answers.

73
00:04:24,950 --> 00:04:28,184
Junk? What are you talk…
The GCSE syllabus is most rigidly adhered…

74
00:04:28,271 --> 00:04:32,745
-Well, you know, it's just an opinion.
-Oh, is it? And is this just an opinion, too?

75
00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:36,795
“When time fell wanking to the floor,
I kicked his teeth.”

76
00:04:36,875 --> 00:04:39,470
“Time fell…”
I mean, is it just put in to shock?

77
00:04:39,555 --> 00:04:42,024
Or is there something personal
you want to discuss with me?

78
00:04:42,117 --> 00:04:43,676
“Time fell wanking to the floor.”

79
00:04:43,758 --> 00:04:46,271
-I mean, what does it mean?
-It's a quotation.

80
00:04:46,357 --> 00:04:50,477
Quotation? Quotation? Who from?
It's not Milton and I'm pretty sure
it can't be Wordsworth.

81
00:04:50,559 --> 00:04:52,072
-Bowie.
-Bowie? Bowie?

82
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,992
-David Bowie.
-Oh.

83
00:04:54,081 --> 00:04:56,196
And is this David Bowie, too, hm?

84
00:04:57,003 --> 00:05:00,517
“My body disgusts, damp grease

85
00:05:00,603 --> 00:05:04,677
“wafts sweat balls
from sweat balls and thigh fungus.”

86
00:05:04,764 --> 00:05:07,758
-I mean, do you wash?
-Of course I wash.

87
00:05:07,844 --> 00:05:11,521
Well, then, why does your body disgust you?
It looks perfectly all right to me.

88
00:05:11,606 --> 00:05:14,644
Why can't you write about meadows or something

89
00:05:14,727 --> 00:05:16,080
Never seen a meadow.

90
00:05:16,168 --> 00:05:18,807
Well, what do you think the imagination is for?

91
00:05:18,889 --> 00:05:21,404
“A girl strips in my mind

92
00:05:21,569 --> 00:05:24,368
“squeezes my last pumping drop of hope

93
00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:28,364
“and rolls me over to sleep alone.”
You're 15 years old, Terry.

94
00:05:28,771 --> 00:05:31,650
-What's going on inside you?
-I think that's what the poem…

95
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:34,008
What the poem explores.
Don't tell me, don't tell me.

96
00:05:34,093 --> 00:05:36,087
I cannot understand anymore.
I cannot understand.

97
00:05:36,176 --> 00:05:37,892
Well, sir. You were young once.

98
00:05:37,975 --> 00:05:40,204
Hm? Well, yes. In a sense, I suppose.

99
00:05:40,294 --> 00:05:42,174
Well, didn't you ever feel like that?

100
00:05:42,257 --> 00:05:45,806
You mean, did I want to
“Fireball the dead cities of the mind

101
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:49,608
“and watch the skin peel and warp?”
Then, thankfully, no, I did not.

102
00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:55,016
I may have been unhappy from time to time
if I lost my stamp album or broke a penknife.

103
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:57,979
I certainly didn't write it all down
and show it to people.

104
00:05:58,061 --> 00:06:01,612
-Perhaps it might have been better if you had.
-Oh, might it, young Terry? Might it?

105
00:06:01,703 --> 00:06:05,299
I suppose I am one of
the “unhappy bubbles of anal wind…

106
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,623
“popping and winking in the mortal bath.”
Am I?

107
00:06:11,385 --> 00:06:15,345
Oh, your silence tells me everything. I am!
I am an unhappy bubble of anal wind.

108
00:06:15,426 --> 00:06:17,497
Well, that's just how I see it. That's valid.

109
00:06:17,587 --> 00:06:19,898
Valid? Valid?
You're not talking about a bank note.

110
00:06:19,989 --> 00:06:22,743
You are calling your headmaster
“an unhappy bubble of anal wind.”

111
00:06:23,270 --> 00:06:24,543
I'm one, too.

112
00:06:24,630 --> 00:06:26,939
Oh, as long as we're all
unhappy bubbles of anal wind

113
00:06:27,031 --> 00:06:29,546
popping and winking in the mortal bath,
then there's no problem,

114
00:06:29,632 --> 00:06:31,782
but I don't propose
to advertise the fact to parents.

115
00:06:31,872 --> 00:06:34,830
If this is poetry, then every lavatory wall
in England is an anthology.

116
00:06:34,911 --> 00:06:36,666
What's happened to
The Oxford Book of English Verse?

117
00:06:36,754 --> 00:06:39,030
Where's that disappeared to in all this, hm?

118
00:06:39,115 --> 00:06:40,993
Perhaps that's the lavatory paper.

119
00:06:42,996 --> 00:06:45,591
-Is that clever?
-I don't know.

120
00:06:45,676 --> 00:06:49,113
I suppose it's another quotation
from Derek Bowie, is it?

121
00:06:49,197 --> 00:06:51,553
I can't understand anymore.
I cannot understand.

122
00:06:52,239 --> 00:06:53,638
It's not surprising, sir.

123
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,597
Perhaps you're frustrated.
After all, it's a lonely job.

124
00:06:55,680 --> 00:07:00,233
I am frustrated. It is a lonely job.
I'm assailed by doubt and wracked by fear.

125
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:03,874
Well, then write it down.
Write it down, get it out your system.

126
00:07:03,962 --> 00:07:06,238
“Assailed by doubts, wracked by fear.”

127
00:07:06,323 --> 00:07:10,636
You think? Yes.
Assailed by doubts, wracked by fear.

128
00:07:10,724 --> 00:07:14,514
Tossed in a wrecked mucus foam…

129
00:07:14,606 --> 00:07:17,042
-of… of…
-Hatred?

130
00:07:17,128 --> 00:07:19,277
Good, good. What about “steamed loathing”?

131
00:07:19,527 --> 00:07:21,440
Better. You're a natural.

132
00:07:21,529 --> 00:07:24,282
Wrecked mucus foam of steamed loathing.

133
00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:26,679
Snot trails of dust

134
00:07:27,411 --> 00:07:30,484
perforate the bowels of my intent.

135
00:07:30,572 --> 00:07:33,370
Put on your red shoes, Major Tom…

136
00:07:37,854 --> 00:07:40,766
What I always say to myself
in that situation is…

137
00:07:41,215 --> 00:07:44,254
what would Lester Piggott have done
in the same position?

138
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,058
Oh, God!

139
00:07:58,821 --> 00:08:01,017
Oh, what is that? That is awful!

140
00:08:01,542 --> 00:08:03,576
-Sir?
-What is that smell?

141
00:08:03,661 --> 00:08:05,414
Oh, that is… Blurgh!

142
00:08:06,902 --> 00:08:08,974
-What is it?
-What smell, sir?

143
00:08:09,064 --> 00:08:11,453
That smell. Can't you smell it?
I can smell it.

144
00:08:12,906 --> 00:08:15,944
-Oh, it's terrible.
-Um, do you mean the onions, sir?

145
00:08:16,467 --> 00:08:19,027
No, I don't mean the onions.
I know what onions smell like.

146
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:20,699
No, that other smell.

147
00:08:22,227 --> 00:08:23,424
God!

148
00:08:23,508 --> 00:08:25,739
I'm sorry, sir.
I can't actually smell anything.

149
00:08:25,829 --> 00:08:29,665
Well, it doesn't matter. You can't smell it,
I can smell it, but never mind.

150
00:08:29,751 --> 00:08:30,944
Right.

151
00:08:34,351 --> 00:08:37,982
Oh, no! Oh, that is awful. God!

152
00:08:38,314 --> 00:08:40,306
-Is it still troubling you, sir?
-Yes, it is, God.

153
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,273
Oh, it smells like gangrene.

154
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:43,550
Um, yes…

155
00:08:43,636 --> 00:08:46,469
Someone's got gangrene in here. Who is it?

156
00:08:48,556 --> 00:08:50,946
Um, yes, would you like to move
to another table, sir?

157
00:08:51,037 --> 00:08:53,428
Well, that's not going to stop
the gangrene, is it?

158
00:08:53,519 --> 00:08:57,718
Once gangrene takes hold…
you move tables as often as you like,
that's it.

159
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,313
Oh, no, that's…

160
00:08:59,401 --> 00:09:01,039
Excuse me!

161
00:09:01,121 --> 00:09:04,557
Has one of you got gangrene
'cause it's really bugging me over here.

162
00:09:04,643 --> 00:09:05,791
It's awful.

163
00:09:05,882 --> 00:09:07,918
I can open a window, sir, if you'd like.

164
00:09:08,003 --> 00:09:10,997
No, never mind. Obviously we'll all
just have to put up with it.

165
00:09:11,085 --> 00:09:13,473
That's all right. Now get. Go, go!

166
00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:19,485
Unless it's fettuccine.

167
00:09:20,128 --> 00:09:21,277
Sir?

168
00:09:21,369 --> 00:09:24,600
Fettuccine and gangrene,
they smell pretty similar.

169
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:27,807
Well, table 14 is having fettuccine, sir.

170
00:09:27,890 --> 00:09:29,642
Oh, well. That'll be it, then.

171
00:09:29,730 --> 00:09:32,608
It's all right.
It's not gangrene, it's your fettuccine.

172
00:09:33,692 --> 00:09:36,000
Right, sir. If there's nothing else, thank you.

173
00:09:37,813 --> 00:09:39,245
Oh, no! Oh, no!

174
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:42,323
-Sir?
-Oh. Oh, God!

175
00:09:42,413 --> 00:09:45,169
-Sir, what is it this time, sir?
-Somebody's got bubonic plague.

176
00:09:45,256 --> 00:09:48,249
-I beg your pardon, sir?
-It's awful. God!

177
00:09:51,337 --> 00:09:52,929
I bloody wrote that!

178
00:09:53,017 --> 00:09:56,054
You can't bloody well
steal something I've written.

179
00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:59,051
Don't tell me to be quiet! I bloody wrote that.

180
00:10:01,621 --> 00:10:04,055
I bloody wrote it and you just stole it!

181
00:10:05,223 --> 00:10:07,373
Is there a problem?

182
00:10:08,262 --> 00:10:11,017
Problem?
I'll say there's a bloody problem all right.

183
00:10:11,104 --> 00:10:13,743
That's my sketch and you bloody nicked it.

184
00:10:15,105 --> 00:10:17,381
Well, sir. When? When did…

185
00:10:17,466 --> 00:10:19,774
-When? When when what?
-When did you write it?

186
00:10:19,866 --> 00:10:21,937
Well, I don't know, I don't know.
Years ago. Years ago.

187
00:10:22,027 --> 00:10:24,224
Yes, well, I mean, can you prove it?

188
00:10:25,308 --> 00:10:27,264
Prove it?

189
00:10:27,348 --> 00:10:30,899
Of course I can't bloody prove it.
I mean, what do you think I am, for God's sake?

190
00:10:30,990 --> 00:10:34,268
Look, I'm telling you, I'm telling you,
that's my sketch.

191
00:10:34,352 --> 00:10:38,823
You know, I mean, it's based
on a personal experience I had, for God…

192
00:10:38,912 --> 00:10:43,148
I'm not going to let you two just take it
and pretend it's yours.

193
00:10:43,236 --> 00:10:45,954
If you can't prove that you wrote it,
it's rather hard for us to believe.

194
00:10:46,035 --> 00:10:50,187
I don't care if you bloody well
believe me or not.
I'm telling you, it's my sketch. I wrote it.

195
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:53,552
And what's more, you two,
you're breaking the law by doing it now.

196
00:10:53,636 --> 00:10:55,117
It's a very serious allegation.

197
00:10:55,199 --> 00:10:58,271
You should have thought of that
before you started doing it, shouldn't you?

198
00:10:58,359 --> 00:11:01,157
Well, I'm sorry about this,
ladies and gentlemen.

199
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:04,155
Obviously we can't go on doing this sketch now.

200
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:07,677
We'll have to get it sorted out and hopefully
we'll be able to come back to this later on.

201
00:11:07,761 --> 00:11:10,039
I'm really sorry about this.

202
00:11:10,124 --> 00:11:13,322
-This is your solicitor's name and address?
-Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

203
00:11:13,405 --> 00:11:15,635
-Yours is?
-Samson Delaney.

204
00:11:15,725 --> 00:11:19,002
Yeah, well, I've actually applied to join
the plainclothes branch,

205
00:11:19,086 --> 00:11:22,158
but as you can see,
I'm on probation at the moment.

206
00:11:22,929 --> 00:11:24,644
With a bit of luck, uh…

207
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:26,799
you know, next month, maybe I'll…

208
00:11:27,610 --> 00:11:31,523
I'll be issued with the proper bomber jacket
and it's goodbye to this.

209
00:11:33,370 --> 00:11:34,564
Thanks.

210
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:39,486
Every day in Britain,
more than 10 million people are mad.

211
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:45,924
That's the disturbing conclusion
in a report just published called

212
00:11:46,014 --> 00:11:48,767
Is Britain Turning into a Nation of Mad People?

213
00:11:49,856 --> 00:11:52,164
Dr Mijory Marjorie is with me now.

214
00:11:54,498 --> 00:11:56,409
Dr Marjorie…

215
00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:58,217
just how serious is this problem?

216
00:11:58,299 --> 00:12:01,053
-It's very serious.
-Wait a minute, I haven't finished yet.

217
00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:04,052
-Sorry.
-…in real terms.

218
00:12:09,101 --> 00:12:11,219
-Okay?
-Yes, go on. Yes.

219
00:12:11,303 --> 00:12:15,298
It's very serious indeed.
In 1957, when records began,

220
00:12:15,383 --> 00:12:19,173
we were, I think,
the sixth maddest country in Europe.

221
00:12:19,626 --> 00:12:23,461
Whereas last year's figures show
that now Britain, I'm afraid,

222
00:12:23,547 --> 00:12:27,177
-leads the European community…
-It is a community, isn't it?

223
00:12:28,669 --> 00:12:29,896
Yes.

224
00:12:30,469 --> 00:12:33,587
Britain now leads Europe in terms of being mad.

225
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:36,708
-Well, that's a worrying trend, certainly.
-You're very kind.

226
00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:38,304
Right. Right.

227
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:41,385
Now, for those viewers
who may just have switched on this minute,

228
00:12:41,472 --> 00:12:44,546
would you mind having this conversation
with me all over again?

229
00:12:44,634 --> 00:12:46,306
-Fine with me.
-Right.

230
00:12:46,394 --> 00:12:49,308
Is Britain turning into a nation of mad people?

231
00:12:49,395 --> 00:12:51,671
Dr Mijory Marjorie is with me now.

232
00:12:52,357 --> 00:12:55,828
Dr Marjorie, just how serious is this problem
in real terms?

233
00:12:55,918 --> 00:12:57,397
Not particularly.

234
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,311
-Not particularly what?
-Serious.

235
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:00,751
-Isn't it?
-No, no, no.

236
00:13:00,837 --> 00:13:03,479
Right, when we talk about

237
00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:05,916
Britain's increasing madness,

238
00:13:06,001 --> 00:13:09,790
-what sort of madness are we really discussing?
-Well, all sorts really.

239
00:13:09,882 --> 00:13:12,316
From the kind of madness
that makes people want to

240
00:13:12,402 --> 00:13:14,793
put on a hat when they get into a car,

241
00:13:14,884 --> 00:13:19,482
to the really extreme madness
that prompts people to go to the theatre.

242
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:20,758
Right.

243
00:13:20,844 --> 00:13:23,724
So that's quite a broad basket of madness,
really, isn't it?

244
00:13:23,805 --> 00:13:26,197
-Well, we've tried to be pretty thorough.
-Right, right.

245
00:13:26,288 --> 00:13:28,962
Now, for those people
who've just tuned in right now.

246
00:13:30,090 --> 00:13:32,808
Could I suggest that you invest
in a copy of Radio Times?

247
00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:35,199
That way you can plan your viewing properly

248
00:13:35,290 --> 00:13:38,362
and stop butting into programmes
five minutes after they've begun.

249
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:42,730
I mean, you wouldn't after all
start a novel at chapter 5, would you?

250
00:13:42,814 --> 00:13:44,883
Well, you would if the first four chapters
were rubbish.

251
00:13:44,973 --> 00:13:47,365
Oh, be quiet. Um, now…

252
00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:50,014
Dr Marjorie…

253
00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:53,373
examining the causes beneath and behind

254
00:13:53,456 --> 00:13:57,337
and, to some extent, to one side
of Britain's underlying and increasing madness,

255
00:13:57,418 --> 00:13:59,295
what exactly are they?

256
00:13:59,378 --> 00:14:02,371
-Well, we examined…
-Sorry, sorry, who's “we”?

257
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:06,531
My mother and I.

258
00:14:08,459 --> 00:14:11,692
-And a woman called Alice.
-Fine, fine.

259
00:14:11,781 --> 00:14:14,774
And we came up
with some pretty interesting results.

260
00:14:14,862 --> 00:14:17,936
You see, essentially, madness is like charity.

261
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,776
It begins at home.

262
00:14:20,425 --> 00:14:22,541
Oh, that's interesting.

263
00:14:24,507 --> 00:14:25,574
Darryl.

264
00:14:25,905 --> 00:14:27,626
Corporal punishment, you think?

265
00:14:31,149 --> 00:14:32,298
I was beaten as a…

266
00:14:32,388 --> 00:14:35,461
I was beaten as a… As a child.
Didn't do me any harm.

267
00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:45,869
Good morning, sir. Can I help you at all?

268
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:49,423
Yes, I'm looking for a three-door hatchback.

269
00:14:51,715 --> 00:14:53,114
Probably…

270
00:14:53,195 --> 00:14:56,029
round about a C-reg, low mileage if possible.

271
00:14:56,117 --> 00:14:59,474
I should think three,
three and a half mark, probably.

272
00:15:01,879 --> 00:15:03,550
-A three-door hatchback?
-Yeah.

273
00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:07,155
A Fiesta or a Polo, something like that.
Anything cheap and reliable basically.

274
00:15:08,921 --> 00:15:13,040
Well, we have got this Queen Anne
dressing table. Very nice condition.

275
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:16,320
The drawers aren't original,
hence the price of £1,250.

276
00:15:16,403 --> 00:15:19,078
-Right, right. No, that's very nice.
-It's a nice piece.

277
00:15:20,444 --> 00:15:22,880
Yeah, there isn't much room in it,
though, is there?

278
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:26,515
I'm just thinking about the shopping.
Whether there's enough room for the shopping.

279
00:15:26,606 --> 00:15:28,837
I don't want anything huge,
like a Volvo or anything.

280
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:32,399
I don't believe it.
They've done it again.

281
00:15:32,489 --> 00:15:35,164
-They've stolen this one again, I don't believe it.
Oh, Christ.

282
00:15:35,251 --> 00:15:36,967
Daylight bloody robbery, this is.

283
00:15:37,049 --> 00:15:38,961
Oh, Jesus wept!

284
00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:42,651
What? I mean, you wrote this one as well?

285
00:15:42,732 --> 00:15:45,964
Yes, I bloody well did.
Don't you come all sarcastic on me.

286
00:15:46,053 --> 00:15:48,522
You know perfectly well you never wrote this.

287
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,842
Just not our lucky night, I'm afraid.

288
00:15:52,456 --> 00:15:55,767
Man buying car in an antique shop. That's it.

289
00:15:55,857 --> 00:15:57,847
That's it. I wrote that years ago.

290
00:15:59,377 --> 00:16:02,575
Well, it's solid, you see.
That's what I like about it. It's solid…

291
00:16:02,658 --> 00:16:04,057
without being smutty.

292
00:16:05,299 --> 00:16:07,255
Not nearly smutty enough.

293
00:16:08,099 --> 00:16:11,935
Well, ask a stupid person
and you get a stupid answer.

294
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,099
Morning, Control.

295
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,378
Hello, Tony. Come on in.

296
00:16:18,823 --> 00:16:21,257
Thank you. I will come in. Just for the now.

297
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,294
I expect you will have heard the news, then.

298
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:29,300
Well, the place is in a bit of an uproar,
but you know what rumours are.

299
00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:32,185
Oh, yes, I don't know. I sometimes think

300
00:16:32,267 --> 00:16:34,828
that if I believed everything
I heard in rumours,

301
00:16:34,908 --> 00:16:37,664
I'd be believing some things
that aren't true at all.

302
00:16:40,110 --> 00:16:43,821
Anyway, you'll forgive me
if I yawn a bit during today,

303
00:16:43,912 --> 00:16:47,952
but what with one thing and another,
I didn't get too much sleep last night.

304
00:16:48,034 --> 00:16:50,594
Oh, poor you. You must be exhausted,

305
00:16:50,674 --> 00:16:52,870
or very tired at least. Or is that wrong?

306
00:16:52,954 --> 00:16:55,788
No, that's quite right. I am tired, Tony.

307
00:16:57,636 --> 00:17:00,834
Well, perhaps you'd like to tell me
what happened, Control.

308
00:17:01,997 --> 00:17:03,591
Unless you're too tired.

309
00:17:03,679 --> 00:17:06,671
No, I think it would be best
if I filled you in.

310
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:09,957
That way, you won't have to rely
on departmental rumours, will you?

311
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,270
Yes, and that would be a great convenience.

312
00:17:12,361 --> 00:17:14,556
Hmm. I expect it would.

313
00:17:14,641 --> 00:17:17,952
Well, we picked up Costain last night.

314
00:17:18,684 --> 00:17:20,960
Yes, I gathered as much from the rumours,

315
00:17:21,045 --> 00:17:24,673
but I wasn't sure whether it was
absolutely true so it's good
to have it confirmed by you.

316
00:17:24,765 --> 00:17:26,245
I can imagine.

317
00:17:26,325 --> 00:17:28,203
Costain came quite quietly.

318
00:17:28,286 --> 00:17:32,281
I think he'd guessed that we'd suspected him
of being a traitor for some time now.

319
00:17:32,726 --> 00:17:34,207
Which we had, hadn't we?

320
00:17:34,289 --> 00:17:36,165
Yes, that's quite true. We had.

321
00:17:37,048 --> 00:17:39,688
When was it we first came to suspect him,
do you think?

322
00:17:42,091 --> 00:17:45,323
Well, I can't remember exactly,
but it was certainly some time ago.

323
00:17:45,412 --> 00:17:48,484
-Before last spring, would you say?
-Well, around there, definitely.

324
00:17:48,573 --> 00:17:51,327
Yes. Certainly no later than the 14th of May.

325
00:17:52,494 --> 00:17:55,249
Because that was my birthday
and I remember thinking at the time

326
00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:57,803
that having Costain arrested
and put behind bars

327
00:17:57,895 --> 00:18:01,172
would be the best birthday present
anyone could ever hope for.

328
00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:04,895
I remember you saying those exact words, Tony.

329
00:18:06,099 --> 00:18:09,330
-So, any old way, you managed to arrest him?
-Yes.

330
00:18:09,419 --> 00:18:13,618
He was taken to the ninth floor
and I had the job of interrogating him.

331
00:18:14,421 --> 00:18:16,935
That's never a very pleasant task,
is it, Control?

332
00:18:17,021 --> 00:18:21,380
No, it's one of the things I least enjoy
having to do, as a matter of fact, Tony.

333
00:18:21,463 --> 00:18:24,216
It's very difficult when someone
doesn't want to tell you anything

334
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:27,217
and you have to think up ways
of making them tell you.

335
00:18:27,305 --> 00:18:30,457
Yes, that can call on all your know-how,
can't it?

336
00:18:30,546 --> 00:18:33,664
That's right. Yes. Costain, I'm afraid,
didn't want to tell us anything.

337
00:18:33,748 --> 00:18:36,308
But I thought it would be much better if he did

338
00:18:36,388 --> 00:18:38,778
because if he's been working
for the Russians all this time,

339
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,985
then we ought to know
what he's been up to, oughtn't we?

340
00:18:41,069 --> 00:18:42,663
Yes.

341
00:18:42,751 --> 00:18:45,824
That way, we know
which of our secrets have been given away

342
00:18:45,912 --> 00:18:47,425
and which are safe.

343
00:18:47,511 --> 00:18:49,550
That's exactly right.

344
00:18:49,634 --> 00:18:52,386
So, was the Minister pleased
that we caught him at last?

345
00:18:52,834 --> 00:18:57,592
Well, on the one hand, Tony, he's delighted
that Costain has been put behind bars at last.

346
00:18:57,677 --> 00:19:01,147
On the other hand,
he's very anxious to minimize publicity.

347
00:19:01,275 --> 00:19:04,395
-And, of course, on the other hand…
-Oh, hold on.

348
00:19:06,077 --> 00:19:08,547
You've got three hands there, Control.

349
00:19:08,638 --> 00:19:11,711
Oh, yes, I wasn't counting
very carefully, was I?

350
00:19:11,799 --> 00:19:15,633
Well, let's just say he's also rather cross
that we allowed a Soviet agent

351
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,112
to go undetected amongst our rank for so long.

352
00:19:18,841 --> 00:19:21,311
So, a mixed reception, then.

353
00:19:22,243 --> 00:19:25,680
I think that's a very fair way
of putting it actually, Tony. Yes.

354
00:19:26,204 --> 00:19:29,402
So, all in all,
and what with one thing and another,

355
00:19:29,525 --> 00:19:31,960
it's been a pretty tiring 48 hours.

356
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,641
Well, 44 hours to be exact.

357
00:19:34,728 --> 00:19:37,197
But it feels like 48, I can tell you.

358
00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:41,083
Well, 46 or 47 at least.

359
00:19:41,971 --> 00:19:44,530
So being as how you're so tired, Control,

360
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,566
perhaps a cup of coffee might perk you up.

361
00:19:47,732 --> 00:19:50,965
Oh, I say, that's ever such a
super thought, Tony. I'd just love one.

362
00:19:51,053 --> 00:19:54,603
-Coming right up.
-You're a lifesaver, Tony, and that's a fact.

363
00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:56,892
-Oh, and Control?
-Mmm?

364
00:19:56,974 --> 00:20:00,935
Under the circumstances, I'm going to make sure
it's a good and strong one.

365
00:20:02,137 --> 00:20:03,250
-Bye-bye.
-Bye.

366
00:20:04,297 --> 00:20:06,093
So, do you like heavy metal?

367
00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:09,173
I quite like heavy metal,

368
00:20:09,259 --> 00:20:11,899
but I prefer something that
wasn't quite so heavy.

369
00:20:11,979 --> 00:20:15,053
-What? A bit lighter?
-Yes. Lighter metal would be nicer.

370
00:20:15,141 --> 00:20:19,578
-Only, unfortunately, light metal doesn't exist.
-Ah, well, that's where you're wrong.

371
00:20:19,661 --> 00:20:23,177
Because Genital Records have just issued
a new compilation album.

372
00:20:23,303 --> 00:20:25,865
-Really?
-Yes. It's called Light Metal.

373
00:20:25,945 --> 00:20:28,540
-Is it a completely new concept?
-Apparently.

374
00:20:28,626 --> 00:20:30,105
Oh.

375
00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:32,416
-And what's it called?
-Light metal.

376
00:20:32,506 --> 00:20:35,100
Goodness. So, it's like heavy metal, but…

377
00:20:35,186 --> 00:20:37,337
-Without the weight.
-Right.

378
00:20:37,827 --> 00:20:39,980
Do you know any examples of light metal?

379
00:20:40,068 --> 00:20:43,347
Well, the main bitch-sex monsters
of the whole scene at the moment…

380
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:46,388
-Yes?
-…are called The Bishop and The Warlord.

381
00:20:46,470 --> 00:20:47,744
Wow.

382
00:20:59,275 --> 00:21:02,508
♫ I'm very much on the lookout for action
at the moment, baby

383
00:21:02,596 --> 00:21:04,791
♫ There isn't a single moment to lose

384
00:21:04,876 --> 00:21:07,915
♫ I'm heading on for good times
Whichever way I choose

385
00:21:08,877 --> 00:21:12,554
♫ I'm going to pull back with my right hand
Get that front wheel off the ground

386
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:16,033
♫ And don't try and stop me
'cause I'm not going to be around

387
00:21:17,202 --> 00:21:18,634
♫ I'm a hard-headed woman

388
00:21:18,721 --> 00:21:20,393
♫ I'm a bitch on heat

389
00:21:26,964 --> 00:21:30,641
♫ I've got a sophisticated body
and easy-action hips

390
00:21:31,284 --> 00:21:34,165
♫ I've got long, straight legs
and red, red ruby lips

391
00:21:35,526 --> 00:21:39,202
♫ I'm looking for good loving, baby
That's what I aim to find

392
00:21:39,287 --> 00:21:42,200
♫ 'Cause I'm a good time sister
You can touch me

393
00:21:43,009 --> 00:21:44,330
♫ I don't mind

394
00:21:46,049 --> 00:21:47,690
♫ I'm a hard-headed woman

395
00:21:48,449 --> 00:21:50,408
♫ I'm a bitch on heat ♫

396
00:21:54,373 --> 00:21:56,124
Woofety, woofety, woofety.

397
00:21:58,175 --> 00:22:00,404
Sex and violence, really.

398
00:22:00,976 --> 00:22:03,774
We're a small company,
but we're expanding all the time.

399
00:22:07,178 --> 00:22:09,247
I prefer the quieter ones, really.

400
00:22:09,857 --> 00:22:12,850
Well, basically, you do need something
to moisten the bread.

401
00:22:14,859 --> 00:22:16,531
You can just run it under the tap.

402
00:22:19,461 --> 00:22:21,817
-Mr Lully, is it?
-That's correct. Yes.

403
00:22:21,903 --> 00:22:23,494
Glad you could see me at such short notice.

404
00:22:23,581 --> 00:22:25,540
-Not at all. Do sit down.
-Thanks very much.

405
00:22:25,623 --> 00:22:28,262
-Can I offer you a coffee?
-Oh, that would be very nice. Yes, thanks.

406
00:22:28,343 --> 00:22:30,096
Right. How do you like it?

407
00:22:30,184 --> 00:22:31,697
Decaffeinated, jug method,

408
00:22:31,824 --> 00:22:34,499
low-mineral-content spring water
not quite brought to the boil,

409
00:22:34,586 --> 00:22:37,146
with semi-skimmed milk
with one NutraSweet. Unstirred.

410
00:22:38,349 --> 00:22:39,461
Right.

411
00:22:39,547 --> 00:22:41,028
-Mark?
-Yes.

412
00:22:41,108 --> 00:22:44,624
-Do we still have that chemistry set in the office?
-Afraid not.

413
00:22:44,709 --> 00:22:47,462
-Well, then. Just one coffee, please.
-Okay.

414
00:22:48,351 --> 00:22:50,625
Right. Now, Mr Lully,
you're after a loan, is that right?

415
00:22:50,710 --> 00:22:52,270
That's about the size of it. Yeah.

416
00:22:52,352 --> 00:22:55,391
You say in your letter
that you're starting up a new business

417
00:22:55,473 --> 00:22:59,433
and you'd like to take advantage
of our new Gredo start-up package.

418
00:23:00,113 --> 00:23:01,787
That's absolutely correct. Yes.

419
00:23:01,875 --> 00:23:05,027
You don't actually say what the product is
that you're hoping to market.

420
00:23:05,156 --> 00:23:08,273
As it happens, I've actually brought along
a couple of samples with me.

421
00:23:08,356 --> 00:23:09,507
Excellent.

422
00:23:09,598 --> 00:23:12,875
We haven't actually settled on brand names yet,
but basically…

423
00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:16,191
the blue sachet is cocaine
and the red is heroin.

424
00:23:18,641 --> 00:23:19,755
Sorry?

425
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,151
The market research we've done so far
has indicated

426
00:23:22,241 --> 00:23:25,552
that cocaine is thought of as a brighter,
fresher product, therefore the blue.

427
00:23:25,642 --> 00:23:29,114
And heroin is warmer, more passionate,
hence the red.

428
00:23:29,204 --> 00:23:32,242
If you disagree,
I'll certainly value your input.

429
00:23:32,325 --> 00:23:35,284
-You're planning to sell and distribute drugs?
-On the button.

430
00:23:35,406 --> 00:23:40,083
Yup. The market's there, I'm ready to go,
and let's face it, Europe's open for business.

431
00:23:40,167 --> 00:23:41,919
-Yes…
-Problem?

432
00:23:42,007 --> 00:23:45,318
-Possibly, possibly.
-Well, I think I know what you're going to say.

433
00:23:45,408 --> 00:23:48,287
Certainly up until now this is an area
which has been hedged about

434
00:23:48,369 --> 00:23:51,281
with a lot of rules and regulations
and, to be quite honest,

435
00:23:51,369 --> 00:23:53,249
when I first looked
at this market I thought to myself,

436
00:23:53,332 --> 00:23:56,005
“Hey, I'd be better off
manufacturing red tape.”

437
00:23:58,052 --> 00:23:59,371
Red tape. Yes.

438
00:23:59,452 --> 00:24:02,412
But, thankfully, those times are changing now.

439
00:24:02,494 --> 00:24:04,724
Whole new markets are opening up
and I'm ready to play them.

440
00:24:04,814 --> 00:24:07,331
-Yes, but…
-The demand is there. No question.

441
00:24:07,417 --> 00:24:09,726
-Is it? Well…
-One of the most exciting things for me

442
00:24:09,817 --> 00:24:11,648
is that it's such a young market.

443
00:24:11,737 --> 00:24:13,569
-Young?
-Oh, yes. Immensely young.

444
00:24:13,658 --> 00:24:17,129
Yes, consumer profiling indicates
the 12 to 15-year-old segment

445
00:24:17,221 --> 00:24:21,009
and, you know, if we can instil brand loyalty
into them at that age,

446
00:24:21,101 --> 00:24:22,579
well, that's got to be good news.

447
00:24:22,660 --> 00:24:24,174
-But…
-Ah, but, but, but. Yes.

448
00:24:24,262 --> 00:24:26,254
You're thinking, 12 to 15-year olds,
do they have the income?

449
00:24:26,342 --> 00:24:28,573
What I always say to that is this…

450
00:24:28,663 --> 00:24:31,896
if the product's right,
they'll find the income, you know.

451
00:24:31,984 --> 00:24:36,535
Their mothers' handbags, car stereos,
old-age pensioners, wherever it is.

452
00:24:37,507 --> 00:24:38,858
Yes…

453
00:24:38,945 --> 00:24:41,667
I hesitate to use a word like this,
a bit old-fashioned,

454
00:24:41,788 --> 00:24:44,349
but do you think this is strictly moral?

455
00:24:44,429 --> 00:24:45,986
I beg your pardon?

456
00:24:46,068 --> 00:24:48,059
Moral. Do you think it's moral?

457
00:24:48,670 --> 00:24:50,387
-Moral.
-Yes.

458
00:24:51,111 --> 00:24:53,670
I'm not sure if I've actually got
any precise figures on that.

459
00:24:53,750 --> 00:24:56,345
-Susie said she'd do me a bar chart…
-No, no.

460
00:24:56,432 --> 00:25:00,666
Is it moral to do this at all?
You know, with children and so on.

461
00:25:02,074 --> 00:25:05,751
Well, let me just say this.
Would you rather we stood idly by

462
00:25:05,836 --> 00:25:08,509
and let the Germans, the Dutch,
South Americans

463
00:25:08,597 --> 00:25:10,587
take over our market share?

464
00:25:10,676 --> 00:25:12,828
-Where's your precious morality then?
-Well, I…

465
00:25:12,916 --> 00:25:15,877
Up a gum tree without a paddle,
that's where it is.

466
00:25:15,959 --> 00:25:20,078
The question is this, either you
believe in market forces or you don't.

467
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,961
Ah, well, I can help you there,
because I don't.

468
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,639
-You don't?
-No, no, I don't believe in market forces.

469
00:25:25,722 --> 00:25:29,033
I used to, of course,
when I was a child, but like everybody else,

470
00:25:29,123 --> 00:25:31,957
when I grew older,
I discovered it was all made up.

471
00:25:32,925 --> 00:25:34,277
-Made up?
-Yes.

472
00:25:34,365 --> 00:25:37,834
I can still remember the exact day
I found out, actually, it was a Christmas Eve.

473
00:25:37,924 --> 00:25:40,804
And I couldn't sleep and I crept downstairs

474
00:25:40,886 --> 00:25:44,323
and I heard my, you know, parents,
they were talking and arguing

475
00:25:44,407 --> 00:25:46,479
and laughing about market forces,

476
00:25:46,608 --> 00:25:48,918
and saying how they were going to have
to break it to me one day.

477
00:25:49,009 --> 00:25:51,046
Came as a bit of a blow, as you can imagine.

478
00:25:51,130 --> 00:25:54,487
Two years later, I discovered
that Father Christmas didn't exist either.

479
00:25:55,732 --> 00:25:57,962
Didn't exist? You're kidding.

480
00:25:58,051 --> 00:25:59,884
-Oh, did you still…
-Yes, I did actually.

481
00:25:59,973 --> 00:26:02,248
-Yes.
-I am sorry.

482
00:26:04,333 --> 00:26:05,484
Growing up, hey?

483
00:26:05,574 --> 00:26:07,405
Ladies and gentlemen, I think we've got to

484
00:26:07,533 --> 00:26:11,687
know each other well enough over the weeks now
for me to make a little confession.

485
00:26:11,775 --> 00:26:14,088
I don't want you to be embarrassed by this,
I'm not.

486
00:26:14,179 --> 00:26:17,216
And it's I whose breast is being cleaned,
not yours.

487
00:26:18,058 --> 00:26:20,733
The fact is, I'm not quite as I seem.

488
00:26:21,858 --> 00:26:24,421
You see before you
what I've been kind enough to call

489
00:26:24,499 --> 00:26:28,460
a rather lovely figure of a super
and that's by and breastly as it should be.

490
00:26:28,541 --> 00:26:32,251
However, and this is where I'm going
to have to ask you to be excitingly pretty,

491
00:26:32,342 --> 00:26:34,301
I do have a peculiarity

492
00:26:34,385 --> 00:26:38,617
which I feel I must in all softness
be rather heavenly about, just for a divine.

493
00:26:39,385 --> 00:26:42,059
Like an increasing number of people today,

494
00:26:42,146 --> 00:26:44,423
I have a pair of nipples attached to my chest.

495
00:26:45,667 --> 00:26:48,138
Here and to a lesser extent, there.

496
00:26:49,268 --> 00:26:53,103
But, and this is where I'm forced to be
a little more delicious than usual,

497
00:26:53,710 --> 00:26:56,544
while this one here, Neville, is rosy

498
00:26:57,272 --> 00:26:59,786
and healthy and everything one could want,

499
00:26:59,872 --> 00:27:01,591
this one, Sheila,

500
00:27:01,673 --> 00:27:04,826
is bright blue
and something of a young disappointment.

501
00:27:04,914 --> 00:27:09,466
Well, there, in a smooth-limbed,
golden-thighed way, we are.

502
00:27:09,556 --> 00:27:13,265
You've been patient, you've been glossy,
you've been surprisingly supple.

503
00:27:13,357 --> 00:27:16,316
I've enjoyed being fabulous with you.
Thank you.

504
00:27:19,438 --> 00:27:21,191
See that? Just there.

505
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,157
It's a miracle, that. Another inch
and that would have been just there.

506
00:27:30,762 --> 00:27:34,199
Good evening, Chief Inspector Venice,
Burnham CID. May I come in?

507
00:27:34,283 --> 00:27:36,638
Well, of course you can, dear. It's your house.

508
00:27:39,565 --> 00:27:41,204
Go on, then. Go on.

509
00:27:41,286 --> 00:27:42,799
Go on, help yourself, then.

510
00:27:42,885 --> 00:27:45,766
You know, see if I care. Go on, take the lot.

511
00:27:45,848 --> 00:27:48,408
I don't care.
Come on, Cindy, we're going. Go on.

512
00:27:48,488 --> 00:27:50,559
Just help yourself, all right?

513
00:27:50,649 --> 00:27:52,447
Anything you like, take the lot.

514
00:27:53,809 --> 00:27:55,324
Solid, no?

515
00:27:55,411 --> 00:27:57,970
How many times have you walked out
in front of a bus,

516
00:27:58,091 --> 00:27:59,764
been knocked over and killed?

517
00:28:01,692 --> 00:28:03,602
It's pretty frustrating, isn't it?

518
00:28:03,691 --> 00:28:05,685
Now there's an answer to that problem

519
00:28:05,775 --> 00:28:08,368
because a company down in Truro in Cornwall

520
00:28:08,454 --> 00:28:11,447
has come up
with these lightweight travelling hats.

521
00:28:12,576 --> 00:28:15,170
Which can be folded very tightly indeed

522
00:28:15,297 --> 00:28:18,894
but which, when unpacked,
can be thrown away almost immediately.

523
00:28:21,979 --> 00:28:25,097
Which hopefully should eliminate
that bus problem at a stroke.

524
00:28:25,500 --> 00:28:26,535
Dick.