1 00:00:00,205 --> 00:00:01,916 -A what? -Beg your pardon? 2 00:00:03,205 --> 00:00:04,240 Pardon? 3 00:00:04,325 --> 00:00:05,314 What? 4 00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:07,721 -Beg your pardon? -Come again? 5 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,438 I like the way it starts. 6 00:00:33,847 --> 00:00:35,326 Quite fat. 7 00:00:35,647 --> 00:00:36,966 Thin, really. 8 00:00:51,408 --> 00:00:53,602 Thomas, I'm afraid I have some bad news. 9 00:00:53,688 --> 00:00:56,327 Just a moment, John. I promised Marjorie I'd mend this clock for her. 10 00:00:56,408 --> 00:00:58,477 -I wonder if you'd mind giving me a hand. -Big hand? 11 00:00:58,568 --> 00:01:00,321 Little hand. 12 00:01:00,409 --> 00:01:02,876 Anyway, listen to me, Thomas. I have some bad news. 13 00:01:02,969 --> 00:01:04,162 -Bad news? -It's Marjorie. 14 00:01:04,248 --> 00:01:05,443 -Marjorie? -She's had a fall. 15 00:01:05,529 --> 00:01:06,928 -Marjorie's had a fall? -I'm afraid so. 16 00:01:07,010 --> 00:01:08,886 She was out riding this morning on Thunderbolt 17 00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:11,529 and she hadn't returned by the time Mrs Mempwaster arrived. 18 00:01:11,609 --> 00:01:13,406 It turns out she's had a fall. 19 00:01:13,489 --> 00:01:16,082 Now, just a moment, John, calm down. 20 00:01:16,169 --> 00:01:17,808 Marjorie's had a fall, you say? 21 00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:19,323 -Yes. -Off a horse? 22 00:01:19,410 --> 00:01:20,684 Well, of course off a horse. 23 00:01:20,769 --> 00:01:22,921 I don't see there's any “of course off a horse” about it. 24 00:01:23,010 --> 00:01:26,400 Girls nowadays are likely to fall off anything. Doesn't have to be a horse. 25 00:01:26,490 --> 00:01:27,889 No, but in this case it was. 26 00:01:27,970 --> 00:01:30,803 Could have been a chair, a table, a pianoforte, anything. 27 00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:33,610 Yes, except in this case, she was riding a horse when it happened. 28 00:01:33,691 --> 00:01:34,965 -When she fell off? -Yes. 29 00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:37,326 So you reason to yourself Marjorie has fallen off a horse? 30 00:01:37,410 --> 00:01:38,970 That's right. Thunderbolt. 31 00:01:39,051 --> 00:01:40,201 -Thunderbolt, you say? -Yes. 32 00:01:40,291 --> 00:01:42,327 -Well, Thunderbolt's a horse all right. -Exactly. 33 00:01:42,411 --> 00:01:44,766 -Any damage? -Well, too soon to say. 34 00:01:44,851 --> 00:01:49,208 -Cavendish is examining her now. -That old fool. What does he know about horses? 35 00:01:49,290 --> 00:01:50,930 No, Cavendish is examining Marjorie. 36 00:01:51,012 --> 00:01:53,446 -Marjorie? Is she ill? -No, she fell off a horse. 37 00:01:53,532 --> 00:01:56,410 -Well, you better fetch Cavendish. -I have. He's in the drawing room. 38 00:01:56,493 --> 00:01:59,006 -Horses are pretty big, John. -I know they are. 39 00:01:59,092 --> 00:02:01,890 -You fall off one of them, anything can happen. -Well, quite. 40 00:02:01,973 --> 00:02:04,486 -Well, not anything. -No, not anything. 41 00:02:04,572 --> 00:02:06,802 I mean, this clock isn't going to become Prime Minister 42 00:02:06,891 --> 00:02:08,451 just because someone's fallen off a horse. 43 00:02:08,533 --> 00:02:11,093 -Of course not. -I didn't mean anything in that sense. 44 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:14,529 Well, absolutely, no. Anyway, Thomas, Cavendish is examining her now. 45 00:02:14,613 --> 00:02:17,002 -You said he was in the drawing room. -He is. Examining Marjorie. 46 00:02:17,092 --> 00:02:19,049 -And where's Marjorie? -She's also in the drawing room. 47 00:02:19,133 --> 00:02:20,805 -So they're both in the drawing room? -Yes. 48 00:02:20,894 --> 00:02:24,523 Perhaps he's not such an old fool after all. How is she? 49 00:02:24,615 --> 00:02:26,684 Well, too soon to say. Sounds like a hell of a fall. 50 00:02:26,774 --> 00:02:27,809 -Off the horse? -Yes. 51 00:02:27,894 --> 00:02:29,122 -Thunderbolt? -Yes. 52 00:02:29,214 --> 00:02:31,729 What the devil was Marjorie doing falling off Thunderbolt? 53 00:02:31,814 --> 00:02:34,453 Oh, you know how Marjorie loves to ride, Thomas. 54 00:02:34,534 --> 00:02:36,013 Marjorie was riding Thomas? 55 00:02:36,094 --> 00:02:37,494 No. 56 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,565 -I'm Thomas, John. -I know that. 57 00:02:39,654 --> 00:02:43,125 Marjorie wasn't riding me. Your story's a bit twisted there, old fellow. 58 00:02:43,215 --> 00:02:45,206 -You said she was riding Thunderbolt. -She was. 59 00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:46,364 -She was? -Yes. 60 00:02:46,455 --> 00:02:47,854 -But she's not any longer? -No, she fell off. 61 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:48,970 -Good God. -I know. 62 00:02:49,055 --> 00:02:50,568 -Where is she? -She's in the drawing room. 63 00:02:50,654 --> 00:02:53,090 Marjorie was riding Thunderbolt in the drawing room? 64 00:02:53,176 --> 00:02:56,850 No, no, no, no. She fell off at Stratton Brook, where the path separates. 65 00:02:56,935 --> 00:03:00,008 That young fellow Cottrell found her and carried her to the drawing room. 66 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:02,405 -Stables would have been better, I'd have thought. -What? 67 00:03:02,495 --> 00:03:05,090 -Drawing room's no place for Thunderbolt. -No, Marjorie. 68 00:03:05,176 --> 00:03:06,894 -What do you mean? -Marjorie's in the drawing room. 69 00:03:06,975 --> 00:03:08,966 -With Thunderbolt? -No, Thunderbolt's in the stables. 70 00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,489 Oh, well, that's all right, then. 71 00:03:10,576 --> 00:03:12,612 It's not all right, Thomas. I tell you, she's had a bad fall. 72 00:03:12,696 --> 00:03:13,890 Is she hurt? 73 00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:16,093 Well, it's too soon to say. Cavendish is with her now. 74 00:03:16,178 --> 00:03:19,055 -Cavendish? He's a doctor, isn't he? -Yes. 75 00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:23,131 I wonder if he knows anything about clocks. 76 00:03:26,097 --> 00:03:28,531 If my murderer's watching this, he'll kill me. 77 00:03:29,137 --> 00:03:31,013 This puppy, Snipper, 78 00:03:31,097 --> 00:03:33,931 is in most desperate need of help. 79 00:03:34,778 --> 00:03:37,690 Four weeks ago Snipper's mother died 80 00:03:38,178 --> 00:03:42,615 and only three days later her father was killed by a hit-and-run driver. 81 00:03:43,419 --> 00:03:45,727 Barely eight weeks old and an orphan, 82 00:03:45,818 --> 00:03:52,088 Snipper was also faced with the embarrassing and painful affliction of incontinence. 83 00:03:53,579 --> 00:03:57,458 It's a condition that we in the West don't talk about much. 84 00:03:57,579 --> 00:04:00,491 Shame keeps millions of sufferers silent, 85 00:04:00,739 --> 00:04:04,015 but Snipper's incontinence was a source of great distress to her 86 00:04:04,099 --> 00:04:08,013 and rather than come to terms with it, she ran away to London. 87 00:04:08,140 --> 00:04:11,212 It was on the way to London that Snipper was assaulted 88 00:04:11,299 --> 00:04:13,370 and abused by an older dog. 89 00:04:14,779 --> 00:04:19,251 You can imagine the effect that this would have on an innocent puppy bitch like Snipper. 90 00:04:19,740 --> 00:04:23,495 She was totally confused, bewildered and hurt. 91 00:04:24,221 --> 00:04:28,773 We think that it is around that time that she was struck with traumatic amnesia, 92 00:04:29,941 --> 00:04:32,136 a total loss of memory. 93 00:04:32,221 --> 00:04:36,100 This, apart from anything else, made it very difficult for her to know who she was 94 00:04:36,182 --> 00:04:38,012 and where she was going. 95 00:04:38,101 --> 00:04:41,856 She drifted into a life of scavenging and prostitution, 96 00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:47,054 selling her soft, furry young body just in order to stay alive. 97 00:04:47,782 --> 00:04:51,934 That was the life that she was living when we at the ASTL found her. 98 00:04:52,143 --> 00:04:56,739 We were able to give her food, warmth, and more than that, love, 99 00:04:56,823 --> 00:05:01,613 the one thing that has been denied her in her short and tragically unhappy life. 100 00:05:01,703 --> 00:05:04,171 Snipper is really taking an interest now. 101 00:05:07,103 --> 00:05:08,900 Her memory is slowly returning, 102 00:05:08,983 --> 00:05:12,612 which is how we've been able to piece together the details of her existence, 103 00:05:12,702 --> 00:05:17,220 and with luck she will be able to lead a normal, happy and fulfilled life. 104 00:05:17,424 --> 00:05:20,258 But, you know, there are thousands of Snippers in Britain 105 00:05:20,344 --> 00:05:23,973 and we desperately need your help to carry on the work we're doing. 106 00:05:24,144 --> 00:05:28,934 We are an entirely independent charity, we receive no government funding, 107 00:05:29,023 --> 00:05:31,824 and rely on public generosity to keep us going. 108 00:05:31,905 --> 00:05:34,624 If you're the kind of person who would like to help a Snipper, 109 00:05:34,705 --> 00:05:38,061 then why not send your donation, however large, to… 110 00:05:38,825 --> 00:05:42,614 straight to me, Stephen Fry, care of the BBC, instead. 111 00:05:42,825 --> 00:05:44,099 Thank you. 112 00:05:45,865 --> 00:05:47,823 Well, Bryan Robson's definitely got one, 113 00:05:47,906 --> 00:05:50,818 but he's the captain, I suppose he'd have to have one. 114 00:05:50,906 --> 00:05:53,182 To set an example, I don't know really. 115 00:05:53,666 --> 00:05:56,942 I joined up very early, very early. Too early, I think. 116 00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:59,661 I should have waited till they had a proper photocopier. 117 00:05:59,746 --> 00:06:01,260 Looks like the Arsenal might do it then. 118 00:06:01,346 --> 00:06:02,381 -The Arsenal? -Yeah. 119 00:06:02,466 --> 00:06:03,694 Oh, leave it out. 120 00:06:03,786 --> 00:06:06,176 -Leave it out? -Oh, leave it out. Just leave it out. 121 00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:08,018 No, why should I? Just turn it up. 122 00:06:08,107 --> 00:06:09,460 -What, turn it up? -Turn it up. 123 00:06:09,547 --> 00:06:11,265 -Oh, switch it off. -Move it under. 124 00:06:11,347 --> 00:06:13,144 -Oh, send it round. -Knock it through. 125 00:06:13,227 --> 00:06:15,343 -Rinse it out. -Park it sideways. 126 00:06:15,426 --> 00:06:16,985 Oh, support it laterally. 127 00:06:17,067 --> 00:06:18,261 Indicate left. 128 00:06:18,347 --> 00:06:21,100 -Oh, finance it underneath. -Destabilise it casually. 129 00:06:21,186 --> 00:06:23,463 -Oh, slide it up. -Remove it gently. 130 00:06:23,548 --> 00:06:26,062 -Oh, clean it thoroughly. -Put it on the shelf. 131 00:06:26,148 --> 00:06:28,424 -Fax it over. -Give it some mortgage. 132 00:06:28,508 --> 00:06:30,578 -Oh, drive it round. -Sell it for a small profit. 133 00:06:30,668 --> 00:06:33,102 Oh, comb it thoroughly before putting it back. 134 00:06:33,189 --> 00:06:35,543 -Smell it gently. -Oh, leave it out. 135 00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:36,981 -Leave it out? -Leave it out. 136 00:06:37,068 --> 00:06:38,262 Oh. 137 00:06:40,789 --> 00:06:43,222 Who told you you were naked? 138 00:06:44,110 --> 00:06:45,542 I beg your pardon? 139 00:06:46,109 --> 00:06:50,068 I was thinking, “Who told you that you were naked?” 140 00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:54,218 I think you may have lost me there, Arnold. 141 00:06:54,309 --> 00:06:58,064 Well, do you remember that passage in Genesis 142 00:06:58,150 --> 00:07:01,108 where Adam explains to God 143 00:07:01,991 --> 00:07:05,380 why he and Eve have covered themselves. 144 00:07:05,589 --> 00:07:08,150 Yes, yes. If I remember that story right, 145 00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:11,188 Adam says, “We were naked and we were ashamed.” 146 00:07:11,270 --> 00:07:15,150 -And God says… -“Who told you that you were naked?” 147 00:07:16,231 --> 00:07:18,699 Glenn and I are having a conversation 148 00:07:18,791 --> 00:07:22,624 about a passage in Genesis which has been intriguing me rather. 149 00:07:23,391 --> 00:07:25,461 Yes, it is fascinating, isn't it? 150 00:07:25,551 --> 00:07:29,512 Anyway, tell me about the size of your girlfriend's breasts. 151 00:07:30,712 --> 00:07:33,067 Well, first of all, Glenn, 152 00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:37,384 let's clear up this problem of why God 153 00:07:37,672 --> 00:07:41,348 gave such a complex response to what is, on the surface, 154 00:07:41,432 --> 00:07:43,627 a relatively simple question. 155 00:07:44,512 --> 00:07:48,506 Not as simple though as, “Are they very big, or only quite big?” 156 00:07:49,193 --> 00:07:52,584 No, perhaps not that simple, but still relatively simple. 157 00:07:52,753 --> 00:07:56,223 Yes, yes. Simpler certainly than, “Is she very exciting in bed?” 158 00:07:57,432 --> 00:08:00,231 I think, Glenn, 159 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,383 that what God was saying is, 160 00:08:02,473 --> 00:08:05,784 “How can nakedness mean anything to you?” 161 00:08:05,874 --> 00:08:08,833 “How can that concept have any significance 162 00:08:08,954 --> 00:08:12,503 “unless you have eaten the fruit of the tree whereof I said thou shouldst not eat?” 163 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:16,309 Yes. My bet is that they really are quite substantially large. 164 00:08:17,194 --> 00:08:19,708 Well, one thing at a time, Glenn. 165 00:08:19,793 --> 00:08:22,832 Yes, yes, all right. Let's take the left one first. 166 00:08:23,075 --> 00:08:25,269 How enormous would you say that is? 167 00:08:25,395 --> 00:08:29,673 Glenn is having a little difficulty concentrating on our Bible study readings 168 00:08:29,754 --> 00:08:34,067 because he has something of an obsession with the size of my girlfriend's breasts. 169 00:08:34,155 --> 00:08:35,713 Well, I like to put it this way. 170 00:08:35,794 --> 00:08:38,311 Arnold is having trouble concentrating on our discussion 171 00:08:38,396 --> 00:08:39,909 about the size of his girlfriend's breasts 172 00:08:39,996 --> 00:08:43,955 because he is a little too interested in analysing passages from The Bible. 173 00:08:44,037 --> 00:08:46,266 We'll sort it out, don't you worry. 174 00:08:46,355 --> 00:08:49,553 -I think God… -So would you say a 48-cup, or bigger still? 175 00:08:49,636 --> 00:08:53,071 Oh, I think the Queen should give one to Esther Rantzen. Definitely. 176 00:08:53,156 --> 00:08:54,557 Stand a bit further to the left. 177 00:08:54,717 --> 00:08:57,026 A good smack in the face, she deserves it. 178 00:09:15,718 --> 00:09:17,868 Hello, Control. Something up? 179 00:09:19,917 --> 00:09:22,478 Well, it's the oddest thing, Murchison, 180 00:09:22,598 --> 00:09:24,907 but I've been told that if I want to stay fit, 181 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,876 I have to walk at least 10 miles a day. 182 00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:29,392 -10 miles? -Hmm. 183 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:33,757 But you've always been as fit as a flea, Control. Or a fiddlet, anyway. 184 00:09:33,999 --> 00:09:38,311 “One of the fittest men in the service” you've been occasionally referred to as. 185 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,310 -Have a look at this, then, Tony. -What is it? 186 00:09:42,399 --> 00:09:45,676 Well, that's what I asked myself when the doctor gave it to me, 187 00:09:45,761 --> 00:09:47,910 and then I asked the doctor, 188 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:51,114 and he said it's a pedometer. 189 00:09:51,241 --> 00:09:52,593 -A pedometer? -Yes. 190 00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:56,115 It measures how many miles I walk. Come on. 191 00:09:56,760 --> 00:10:01,117 Mrs Control is jolly careful to make sure I put it on everyday, worse luck. 192 00:10:02,082 --> 00:10:04,993 Still, I suppose she only has your best interests at heart. 193 00:10:05,081 --> 00:10:07,516 That's true. I shouldn't grumble. After all, Tony… 194 00:10:07,601 --> 00:10:08,716 Control? 195 00:10:08,802 --> 00:10:11,679 …she's only being so quite firm about it for my own good. 196 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,079 Mmm. 197 00:10:13,161 --> 00:10:16,517 Any golly way, I think that's enough for one morning. 198 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,001 And you didn't come here to listen to my woes. 199 00:10:20,082 --> 00:10:22,915 Oh, I don't know, they're quite interesting woes. 200 00:10:23,002 --> 00:10:25,516 What does bring you to the seventh floor, Tony? 201 00:10:25,602 --> 00:10:29,674 Well, Control, do you remember the Minister asking us to jolly well hurry up 202 00:10:29,761 --> 00:10:31,434 and find out who was behind these bombs 203 00:10:31,523 --> 00:10:34,115 that have been going off in government departments of lately? 204 00:10:34,202 --> 00:10:36,274 Yes, indeed I do remember. 205 00:10:36,363 --> 00:10:41,039 An urgent, A-1, top priority investigation was called for as I remember. 206 00:10:41,202 --> 00:10:44,718 There was to be telephone tapping, surveillance, everything, 207 00:10:44,803 --> 00:10:46,794 and no limit on the budget. 208 00:10:46,883 --> 00:10:50,842 The Minister said, “I want you to pull all the stops out on this one, Control, 209 00:10:50,923 --> 00:10:53,040 “if you'd be so kind.” 210 00:10:54,644 --> 00:10:56,794 Yes, it was quite a to-do. 211 00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:57,993 Mmm. 212 00:10:58,084 --> 00:11:01,679 As I recall, Tony, I put you in charge of that investigation. 213 00:11:01,764 --> 00:11:02,957 Is that right? 214 00:11:03,044 --> 00:11:05,717 -Yes, you splendidly did. -Mmm. 215 00:11:05,804 --> 00:11:08,715 Well, have you come up with something that might be regarded as a clue, 216 00:11:08,804 --> 00:11:12,081 or better still, concrete evidence that might lead to some arrests? 217 00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:16,841 Yes. Well, that's really the reason I popped in and surprised you at your walking, Control. 218 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:21,237 Because I've just had a report from Commander Henderson of Special Branch. 219 00:11:21,366 --> 00:11:24,880 That's the Scotland Yard branch that was set up specifically to deal with 220 00:11:24,965 --> 00:11:27,958 subversion and counter-insurgency earlier this century. 221 00:11:28,326 --> 00:11:30,521 -That's the exact one. -Oh. 222 00:11:30,926 --> 00:11:33,121 I imagined quite strongly it might be. 223 00:11:33,207 --> 00:11:37,562 Yes. Well, they say that with some of our agents working undercover alongside them, 224 00:11:37,646 --> 00:11:40,922 they've managed to arrest a cell of men and women who they think they can prove 225 00:11:41,006 --> 00:11:46,240 are responsible for the whole sorry wave of unfortunate and exasperating bomb attacks. 226 00:11:46,447 --> 00:11:49,678 -It was a sorry wave, wasn't it? -Yes, it certainly was. 227 00:11:49,767 --> 00:11:52,281 Well, this is good news, I must say. 228 00:11:52,367 --> 00:11:54,005 I thought you'd be pleased. 229 00:11:54,086 --> 00:11:55,965 I am. Most pleased. 230 00:11:56,127 --> 00:11:58,879 Well done, Tony. Full marks. 231 00:12:01,568 --> 00:12:04,128 Calls for a coffee, wouldn't you say? 232 00:12:04,728 --> 00:12:06,605 It most certainly does. 233 00:12:06,688 --> 00:12:11,124 -I'll fetch you one. -No, Tony. I'll fetch you one. It's my turn. 234 00:12:11,208 --> 00:12:13,358 Well, goodness, Control, thank you. 235 00:12:13,448 --> 00:12:14,927 No, thank you, Tony. 236 00:12:15,008 --> 00:12:16,964 White, no sugar, I think it is. 237 00:12:17,048 --> 00:12:18,402 That's exactly right. 238 00:12:18,489 --> 00:12:21,003 This really is excessively kind of you, Control. 239 00:12:21,089 --> 00:12:23,649 Not at all, Tony, and besides… 240 00:12:24,529 --> 00:12:27,282 the extra walk will impress Mrs Control. 241 00:12:27,449 --> 00:12:29,599 -Oh, you. -Back in a mo. 242 00:12:29,689 --> 00:12:30,758 Bye. 243 00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,285 There's a riot down at Bletching Common 244 00:12:34,369 --> 00:12:36,838 so they had to use all the trousers for that one. 245 00:12:36,931 --> 00:12:38,443 So you see, hence the… 246 00:12:40,131 --> 00:12:42,042 Hopefully, when it's… 247 00:12:42,810 --> 00:12:45,449 You know, when it's all sorted, we'll get our trousers back 248 00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:47,123 and things will be back to normal. 249 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,363 Actually, I hadn't thought of that. 250 00:12:49,449 --> 00:12:52,045 Yes, well, yes, I got one but before I had that one, 251 00:12:52,131 --> 00:12:54,440 I used to have to go down to the laundrette every week, 252 00:12:54,530 --> 00:12:58,490 but now I've had one put in my kitchen and the laundrette comes to me every week. 253 00:12:58,571 --> 00:12:59,969 It's marvellous, really. 254 00:13:00,691 --> 00:13:03,888 Violence. It's a theme we've touched on before now 255 00:13:03,971 --> 00:13:07,202 in this fortnightly look back on the past three days. 256 00:13:07,291 --> 00:13:11,410 And I daresay it's one we'll touch on again, and we don't apologise for that. 257 00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:14,689 Violence is not something that's gonna lie down and go away. 258 00:13:14,772 --> 00:13:16,410 Hmm. Well put. 259 00:13:16,492 --> 00:13:19,690 Ah, but the point is, surely, what are we going to do about it? 260 00:13:19,773 --> 00:13:23,447 Well, I suppose the phrase that best sums up our approach is, 261 00:13:23,532 --> 00:13:25,728 Responsibility Television. 262 00:13:25,814 --> 00:13:30,170 Now, what does Responsibility Television mean? 263 00:13:30,293 --> 00:13:33,251 Well, it means that we are immensely concerned 264 00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:36,928 that nothing we do has a bad influence on our viewers. 265 00:13:37,014 --> 00:13:40,164 Thus, when I hit Hugh, like so… 266 00:13:43,574 --> 00:13:48,284 we have to consider what the effect on the viewer might be. 267 00:13:48,374 --> 00:13:49,524 Yes. 268 00:13:49,614 --> 00:13:52,970 Is a vulnerable, easily led section of our audience 269 00:13:53,054 --> 00:13:55,727 going to start imitating this kind of behaviour? 270 00:13:55,814 --> 00:14:01,049 Well, so far in this series I've hit Hugh on no less than a startling five occasions. 271 00:14:01,135 --> 00:14:03,091 You might think we had no thought at all 272 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:07,168 as to how the young might be influenced by this kind of senseless, horrific violence. 273 00:14:07,255 --> 00:14:09,166 Would they start to imitate it? Hugh. 274 00:14:09,255 --> 00:14:14,203 Well, the interesting and inescapable that we've come up with is, yes. 275 00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:16,731 Because since the series has started to be transmitted, 276 00:14:16,816 --> 00:14:21,731 I've found, walking along the street, that I have been hit on no less than 12 occasions 277 00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:23,647 by complete strangers. 278 00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:26,853 So it looks as if the suggestible out there 279 00:14:26,936 --> 00:14:31,133 are actually imitating my violent behaviour patterns and striking you? 280 00:14:31,216 --> 00:14:32,443 That's right. Yes. Yes. 281 00:14:32,536 --> 00:14:35,688 -Is that a worrying development? -Well, it's not unworrying. 282 00:14:35,777 --> 00:14:39,657 Right. So it may be that the Milton Schulmans and Mary Whitehouses of this world 283 00:14:39,738 --> 00:14:43,934 aren't as incredibly stupid as they appear at first, second and 34th glance? 284 00:14:44,697 --> 00:14:48,212 Are we unwittingly helping to make Britain a more violent place? 285 00:14:48,297 --> 00:14:50,095 Well, it's beginning to look horribly like it, yes. 286 00:14:50,179 --> 00:14:55,616 Right. Well, let's stop now and let's see if we can't reverse this whole process. 287 00:14:55,739 --> 00:14:59,526 Now, would all those out there who are stupid enough 288 00:14:59,617 --> 00:15:04,214 to go out on the streets and hit Hugh, just because they've seen me do it on television, 289 00:15:04,298 --> 00:15:08,656 would they now kindly watch very carefully as I now smile at Hugh, 290 00:15:08,739 --> 00:15:11,457 hand him a £5 note, and say, 291 00:15:11,539 --> 00:15:15,612 “There you are, old chap, there's a fiver for you. 292 00:15:16,139 --> 00:15:18,734 “Have a really super time. 293 00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:21,408 “Oh, look, here's another one. 294 00:15:22,099 --> 00:15:23,656 -“And another.” -Oh, well. 295 00:15:23,739 --> 00:15:25,219 “There you go. Bless you.” 296 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,336 Well, thank you very much, if you don't mind me saying so. 297 00:15:27,419 --> 00:15:31,299 Indeed, I certainly don't mind you saying so. In fact, it's quite kind of you. 298 00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:33,052 Here's a fiver. 299 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,619 Well, thank you, I'm sure. 300 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:38,579 Good. Well, I hope now, Hugh, you're going to monitor the public's behaviour very closely 301 00:15:38,660 --> 00:15:41,892 and if you find people are approaching you now with £5 notes 302 00:15:41,981 --> 00:15:45,098 instead of clenched fists, you'll come back on the programme and let us know? 303 00:15:45,181 --> 00:15:47,058 -I certainly will, yup. -Thanks so much. 304 00:15:47,142 --> 00:15:49,052 -There's a fiver. -Oh, thanks. 305 00:15:49,141 --> 00:15:54,340 All right, then. Just time now to go over to Devizes and to catch up with Chris and that giant sauna. 306 00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:55,490 Chris. 307 00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:59,020 Well, it's a dying art. That's my view. 308 00:15:59,422 --> 00:16:00,821 House prices, I don't know. 309 00:16:00,902 --> 00:16:03,700 You practically need to take out a mortgage to buy one nowadays. 310 00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:09,492 The last decent pencil I bought was Malaysian, beautiful thing. Beautiful thing. 311 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,454 Must be worth quite a bit now, I think. 312 00:16:11,662 --> 00:16:15,861 So, he gets all misty-eyed and he puffs himself up and he says, 313 00:16:15,943 --> 00:16:17,774 “I do it for my country,” 314 00:16:17,863 --> 00:16:21,173 and he stabs himself in the head with a pair of scissors. Right? 315 00:16:21,263 --> 00:16:23,094 So the Irishman says… 316 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:24,775 Are you ready for your main courses now? 317 00:16:24,863 --> 00:16:27,173 -Er, yes, thank you. -Excellent. 318 00:16:27,383 --> 00:16:30,659 -Umm, can I ask just you something? -Certainly, sir. 319 00:16:30,743 --> 00:16:33,053 -How do you do it? -Do what, sir? 320 00:16:33,144 --> 00:16:35,612 How can you hear from the other end of the restaurant 321 00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:38,901 the exact moment when I get to the punch line of my jokes? 322 00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:41,657 That is the fourth time you've done it since I came in. 323 00:16:41,744 --> 00:16:44,383 Well, now, that's actually a very good question, sir. 324 00:16:44,465 --> 00:16:46,295 There's actually a tiny microphone 325 00:16:46,384 --> 00:16:48,295 -hidden underneath your ashtray. -Ah, I see. 326 00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:51,138 And we have a receiver in the kitchen. So it's very simple, really. 327 00:16:51,225 --> 00:16:54,297 -Yes, I'd always wondered. Thank you. -Now, who was having the lamb? 328 00:16:54,386 --> 00:16:56,421 -Here we go, madam. -Right, so… 329 00:16:56,505 --> 00:16:59,894 the Englishman had said… er… 330 00:16:59,985 --> 00:17:02,624 “I do it for the Queen,” and jumped out of the window. 331 00:17:02,705 --> 00:17:07,382 Right, yes. And the Scotsman says, “I do it for my country,” and he… 332 00:17:07,466 --> 00:17:09,343 Stabbed himself in the head with a pair of scissors. 333 00:17:09,426 --> 00:17:10,654 Right. Exactly. 334 00:17:10,745 --> 00:17:13,306 And so then Irishman says… 335 00:17:13,386 --> 00:17:16,105 -And you're having the chicken, sir? -What? 336 00:17:16,185 --> 00:17:18,097 Chicken lacroix prepared at your table. 337 00:17:18,186 --> 00:17:19,824 -Yes, thank you. -Right, right. 338 00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:22,260 So, the Irishman says… 339 00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,145 Oh, my God! 340 00:17:26,027 --> 00:17:28,062 -What? -Chicken lacroix. 341 00:17:29,188 --> 00:17:30,779 What are you doing? 342 00:17:30,867 --> 00:17:32,185 -What am I doing? -Yes. 343 00:17:32,267 --> 00:17:35,624 Well, sir, I have to make sure the knife is properly sharp. 344 00:17:35,707 --> 00:17:38,460 Yes, but… The chicken, it's still alive! 345 00:17:38,547 --> 00:17:40,779 Ha. Not for much longer, sir. 346 00:17:41,348 --> 00:17:42,940 I think I'm going to be sick. 347 00:17:43,028 --> 00:17:44,905 -Something wrong with the lamb, madam? -Oh, no. 348 00:17:44,987 --> 00:17:47,866 You're not going to kill a live chicken in here? 349 00:17:47,948 --> 00:17:50,415 Well, certainly, sir. This is chicken lacroix, as you ordered. 350 00:17:50,507 --> 00:17:53,227 “Fresh, plump, baby chicken prepared at your table.” 351 00:17:53,308 --> 00:17:55,139 Stop. Stop. Stop. 352 00:17:55,227 --> 00:17:56,901 Don't kill that chicken. 353 00:17:57,030 --> 00:17:58,621 -Don't kill it? -No. 354 00:17:58,709 --> 00:18:01,064 -What, you'd rather eat it while it's still alive? -No. 355 00:18:01,149 --> 00:18:04,858 -Well, I have to… -No, no. I'm telling you, actually. Don't kill it. 356 00:18:05,029 --> 00:18:06,746 -Well, why not, sir? -Well… 357 00:18:06,829 --> 00:18:10,299 You know, it's not worth it. Think of the letters we'll get. 358 00:18:13,148 --> 00:18:16,187 -Letters? Who from? -Well, I don't know. Mad people. 359 00:18:16,270 --> 00:18:17,498 Mad people? 360 00:18:17,589 --> 00:18:21,788 You know the sort of thing, “Why, oh, why, oh, why was my five-year-old grandmother 361 00:18:21,870 --> 00:18:26,990 “forced to watch a live chicken being hacked to death in the name of so-called entertainment?” 362 00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:28,549 That kind of thing. 363 00:18:28,630 --> 00:18:32,101 Well, it's no worse than being hacked to death in the name of so-called lunch. 364 00:18:32,191 --> 00:18:34,102 -Well, I know that. -I think it is, actually. 365 00:18:34,191 --> 00:18:35,828 -I beg your pardon? -I think it is worse. 366 00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:37,629 -Oh, do you? -Yes, I do. 367 00:18:37,712 --> 00:18:40,179 Well, that's just her point of view, that's perfectly fair. 368 00:18:40,271 --> 00:18:42,467 All right, well, let's ask the chicken, shall we? 369 00:18:42,551 --> 00:18:45,224 Would you rather die as part of a sketch on national television 370 00:18:45,311 --> 00:18:48,862 or would you rather go straight into a Tesco sandwich, unmourned and unnoticed? 371 00:18:48,952 --> 00:18:51,102 Look, I'm sorry, Hugh. It's just the way I feel, okay? 372 00:18:51,191 --> 00:18:56,744 What's the matter with you? It's had a great time. We showed it the Blue Peter studio, didn't we? 373 00:18:58,392 --> 00:19:02,146 It sat next to Desmond Lynam in the canteen, what more could it want? 374 00:19:02,232 --> 00:19:05,782 Look, I know we agreed that we should actually kill the chicken on air 375 00:19:05,874 --> 00:19:08,182 but I think… I'd be happy now if you didn't. 376 00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:09,992 Happy? What's happiness got to do with it? 377 00:19:10,073 --> 00:19:14,464 Look, basically the whole joke of this is supposed to be that I can't get out my Irish joke 378 00:19:14,552 --> 00:19:17,068 and if you sort of add this… I mean, really, it's not… 379 00:19:17,153 --> 00:19:18,871 -I think we've gone off it. -I agree, yes. Absolutely. 380 00:19:18,953 --> 00:19:22,106 Well, yeah, okay, if everyone's just going to go squeamish at the last minute, 381 00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:24,344 yes, all right, we'll call it off, then. Yes, fine. 382 00:19:24,433 --> 00:19:25,947 -Excuse me. -All right. 383 00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:30,549 -So I'll just have a green salad, please, waiter. -A green salad? Yes. Coming right up. 384 00:19:30,634 --> 00:19:32,191 Thank you. Excellent. 385 00:19:32,274 --> 00:19:35,152 Now, where was I? Yes, the Englishman said, “I do it…” er… 386 00:19:35,234 --> 00:19:38,511 “for my count… for my Queen,” and jumped out the window, 387 00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:41,911 and the Scotsman said, “I do it for my country,” 388 00:19:41,995 --> 00:19:43,907 and stabbed himself in the head with a pair of scissors, 389 00:19:43,995 --> 00:19:45,348 and the Irishman says… 390 00:19:47,355 --> 00:19:48,913 Now what are you doing? 391 00:19:48,995 --> 00:19:51,384 Never heard a lettuce scream before? 392 00:19:51,475 --> 00:19:53,067 -What? -Frightening, isn't it? 393 00:19:53,155 --> 00:19:57,388 Never occurred to you that a lettuce might have dreams, hopes, ambitions, a family? 394 00:19:57,476 --> 00:20:00,434 Look, bugger the lettuce, will you let me finish my joke? 395 00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:02,074 Oh, I'm sorry. 396 00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:03,635 Right, so, 397 00:20:03,716 --> 00:20:05,308 the Irishman says… 398 00:20:05,836 --> 00:20:07,555 I wouldn't suck it. 399 00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:11,913 Except in… 400 00:20:11,996 --> 00:20:15,273 non-member states where you're obliged to eat your own. 401 00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:23,231 -All right, Mr Simnock? -Eh? 402 00:20:23,316 --> 00:20:25,513 I say, are you all right, Mr Simnock? 403 00:20:25,597 --> 00:20:27,667 Where's smimble cocoa? 404 00:20:27,757 --> 00:20:30,910 Yes, your cocoa's coming in a minute. 405 00:20:30,998 --> 00:20:32,192 Eh? 406 00:20:32,278 --> 00:20:35,112 I say, your cocoa is coming in a minute. 407 00:20:35,878 --> 00:20:37,550 I'll draw the curtains, shall I? 408 00:20:37,638 --> 00:20:40,232 Be cosier then, you'll be more cosy. 409 00:20:40,317 --> 00:20:42,957 -Draw the curtains, yeah, it'll be cosy, that. -Yes. 410 00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:47,748 -Cocoa. -Yes, your cocoa is coming in minute. 411 00:20:47,839 --> 00:20:49,113 -All right? -Curtain. 412 00:20:49,198 --> 00:20:51,394 Yes, I'll draw them for you. 413 00:20:51,478 --> 00:20:53,037 There we are. 414 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:54,949 That's a bit cosier, isn't it? 415 00:20:55,039 --> 00:20:57,872 Nights are getting chillier all the time, aren't they? 416 00:20:57,959 --> 00:21:00,757 Only seems like yesterday it was Christmas, I don't know. 417 00:21:00,839 --> 00:21:04,230 Oh, look, you've dropped your magazines. Look, I'll pick them up for you. 418 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,072 Didn't like them. Rubbish they were. 419 00:21:06,159 --> 00:21:07,912 Well, let's see what they are. 420 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,559 There we are, look. 421 00:21:09,641 --> 00:21:11,631 Oh. Oh, now. 422 00:21:12,239 --> 00:21:14,879 There was no call to go doing that, was there, Mr Simnock? 423 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,313 Where's me cocoa? 424 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,629 Your cocoa's coming in a minute. 425 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,111 I'm not so sure you deserve it now, though. 426 00:21:21,201 --> 00:21:23,237 Acting up like I shouldn't wonder. 427 00:21:24,881 --> 00:21:26,792 I'll tuck you in, look. 428 00:21:27,361 --> 00:21:29,158 92 years old. 429 00:21:29,401 --> 00:21:31,677 That's right. 93 come November. 430 00:21:32,322 --> 00:21:35,711 92 years old and I've never had oral sex. 431 00:21:38,242 --> 00:21:39,721 Well… 432 00:21:40,762 --> 00:21:42,799 I should think not, indeed. 433 00:21:43,563 --> 00:21:45,792 Oral sex! The idea. 434 00:21:46,322 --> 00:21:48,118 Never ridden a camel. 435 00:21:48,243 --> 00:21:50,472 You're just babbling now, Mr Simnock. 436 00:21:50,562 --> 00:21:53,030 Never watched a woman urinate. 437 00:21:54,084 --> 00:21:57,712 I shall get very cross with you in a minute. I shall, really. 438 00:21:57,803 --> 00:21:59,795 Never killed a man. 439 00:21:59,883 --> 00:22:02,636 Well, there's a certain man I shall be killing if he's not very careful. 440 00:22:02,723 --> 00:22:06,239 Never been inside an opera house. Never eaten a hamburger. 441 00:22:06,323 --> 00:22:09,871 You're a stupid silly old man and I won't have any more nonsense. 442 00:22:09,963 --> 00:22:11,956 I'm fed up, me. I've never done anything. 443 00:22:12,044 --> 00:22:15,798 Well, you're a bit chilly, I shouldn't wonder. Your cocoa'll be along in a minute. 444 00:22:15,883 --> 00:22:18,318 Don't want any stupid cocoa. 445 00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:22,796 Well, there's no call to be getting contrary, now, is there? You love your cocoa. You know you do. 446 00:22:22,885 --> 00:22:24,954 I hate cocoa. Gets a skin on it. 447 00:22:25,044 --> 00:22:26,761 Not if you keep stirring it. 448 00:22:26,843 --> 00:22:29,757 Makes me want to kek that. Makes we want to cat up. 449 00:22:31,005 --> 00:22:34,681 I want to drink milk from the breasts of a Burmese maiden. 450 00:22:37,644 --> 00:22:41,399 I don't know what's got into you today, Mr Simnock. I don't, really. 451 00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:44,877 I think we're going to have to give you some extra vitamin E. 452 00:22:44,967 --> 00:22:47,639 Burmese maidens! In Todmorden? 453 00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:51,601 You've got bad breath, you have. 454 00:22:52,566 --> 00:22:55,160 Well, there's no call to be getting personal, I hope. 455 00:22:55,245 --> 00:22:57,282 Like rotting cabbages. 456 00:22:57,366 --> 00:23:00,119 I'm very angry with you today, Mr Simnock. 457 00:23:00,206 --> 00:23:02,164 You're a great nancy. 458 00:23:02,248 --> 00:23:05,284 I'm not a great nancy, Mr Simnock, and you're wicked to say so. 459 00:23:05,367 --> 00:23:09,406 You're a great Mary Ann, bum-boy nancer. I bet you've never even done it. 460 00:23:09,487 --> 00:23:12,638 I'm not going to take anymore of this from you, Mr Simnock. I'm not, really. 461 00:23:12,727 --> 00:23:14,922 You shouldn't be in a place like this at your time of life. 462 00:23:15,008 --> 00:23:19,320 Well, someone's got to do it. Dedication. Though why I bother, I do not know. 463 00:23:19,408 --> 00:23:22,206 You should be out there having oral sex 464 00:23:23,528 --> 00:23:27,407 and killing people and watching women urinate in opera houses 465 00:23:27,968 --> 00:23:29,879 and eating hamburgers in opera houses 466 00:23:29,969 --> 00:23:33,404 and drinking milk from the breasts of Nepalese maidens. 467 00:23:33,488 --> 00:23:35,605 It was Burmese last time. 468 00:23:35,690 --> 00:23:37,964 Well, Nepalese, I've changed me mind. 469 00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:40,847 Instead you're stuck here taking rude talk from an old man. 470 00:23:40,929 --> 00:23:43,363 You're a great bog-breathed nancy. 471 00:23:44,849 --> 00:23:47,886 You've really upset me today, Mr Simnock, you have, really. 472 00:23:47,970 --> 00:23:52,246 I'm going out to hurry along your cocoa. When I get back I don't want any more nonsense. 473 00:23:52,329 --> 00:23:53,604 Honestly. 474 00:23:53,970 --> 00:23:56,961 You're a screaming great Bertie and you pong. 475 00:23:59,091 --> 00:24:02,560 92 years old and I've never watched a woman urinate. 476 00:24:03,570 --> 00:24:05,322 Tragic waste that. 477 00:24:06,090 --> 00:24:08,126 Now here you are, Mr Simnock. 478 00:24:08,209 --> 00:24:11,840 I managed to intercept Mrs Gideon in the hall with the tray. 479 00:24:11,931 --> 00:24:15,002 So don't say you're not a lucky man to get your cocoa before the others. 480 00:24:15,092 --> 00:24:17,048 -Hooray! -Yes, that's better, isn't it? 481 00:24:17,131 --> 00:24:18,450 -Cocoa. -That's right. 482 00:24:18,531 --> 00:24:21,967 But a certain naughty boy said a few naughty things, didn't he? 483 00:24:22,051 --> 00:24:23,962 I'm sorry, Brian. Right sorry. 484 00:24:24,051 --> 00:24:25,689 Well, I'm not so sure you should have it now. 485 00:24:25,770 --> 00:24:28,206 Soon as you see your cocoa you mend your manners, don't you? 486 00:24:28,292 --> 00:24:29,361 Oh, please, Brian. 487 00:24:29,452 --> 00:24:31,124 All right, there you are. 488 00:24:32,932 --> 00:24:34,285 That's better, isn't it? 489 00:24:34,372 --> 00:24:36,761 Oh, it's a lovely drop of cocoa that. 490 00:24:36,852 --> 00:24:38,922 That's Berent's. That's the best. 491 00:24:39,532 --> 00:24:42,968 Good old Berent's cocoa. Always there. 492 00:24:43,131 --> 00:24:45,010 Original or New Berent's, 493 00:24:45,093 --> 00:24:48,244 specially prepared for the mature citizens in your life, 494 00:24:48,492 --> 00:24:53,362 with nature's added store of powerful barbiturates and heroin. 495 00:24:55,173 --> 00:24:57,243 The shorter one's got a different accent, 496 00:24:57,333 --> 00:24:59,483 but they both smell of Noel Edmonds to me. 497 00:24:59,652 --> 00:25:01,805 …in line with inflation. 498 00:25:01,894 --> 00:25:03,804 The rate of tax on beer 499 00:25:03,894 --> 00:25:06,772 will be increased by two pence in the pint, 500 00:25:06,854 --> 00:25:11,290 cigarettes by four pence in the pint, which is in advance to the rate of inflation, 501 00:25:11,414 --> 00:25:15,453 in line with the government's current thinking on smoking and health. 502 00:25:15,814 --> 00:25:21,492 Petrol and diesel and Derv fuels will be increased by three pence in the litre. 503 00:25:21,774 --> 00:25:24,210 Aye, and what of the people? 504 00:25:27,214 --> 00:25:28,534 I'm sorry? 505 00:25:28,616 --> 00:25:32,654 You bleed the people so that you may stuff your own fat pockets. 506 00:25:33,535 --> 00:25:34,811 Erm, yes. 507 00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:39,726 The vehicle licence tax will be increased 508 00:25:39,816 --> 00:25:43,934 from £100, its present rate, to £120… 509 00:25:44,016 --> 00:25:49,295 Yes, so that your own bathroom may be lined with venison and fine delicacies. 510 00:25:50,615 --> 00:25:51,845 Erm… 511 00:25:51,937 --> 00:25:55,088 Captured in foreign wars fought by the poor people. 512 00:25:55,577 --> 00:25:56,852 Be quiet. 513 00:25:57,498 --> 00:25:58,896 I'll not be quiet! 514 00:25:58,977 --> 00:26:01,332 The poor of England have been quiet too long. 515 00:26:01,416 --> 00:26:03,977 While I have breath in my body and blood in my veins, 516 00:26:04,057 --> 00:26:06,127 I'll fight for the poor people of England. 517 00:26:07,136 --> 00:26:08,856 Bold words indeed. 518 00:26:09,339 --> 00:26:11,533 Aye, bold, but true. 519 00:26:11,617 --> 00:26:14,417 And what is your name, sir, that you must shroud yourself 520 00:26:14,498 --> 00:26:16,295 under a lightweight travelling hat? 521 00:26:18,178 --> 00:26:19,930 My name, sir, 522 00:26:20,018 --> 00:26:21,849 and I bid you mark it well, 523 00:26:21,938 --> 00:26:23,690 is Tony of Plymouth. 524 00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:28,450 -Tony of Plymouth. -None other. 525 00:26:28,578 --> 00:26:31,014 By God, then, Tony of Plymouth, 526 00:26:31,100 --> 00:26:33,772 this time you have stumbled into the lion's den. 527 00:26:33,859 --> 00:26:35,850 Guards, seize him! 528 00:26:36,460 --> 00:26:40,293 I fear, sir, that the guards will never save you from the people. 529 00:26:42,700 --> 00:26:45,692 Why, you mangy swine! 530 00:26:46,020 --> 00:26:49,251 Cur, dog, mongrel, fish! 531 00:26:49,341 --> 00:26:52,457 I'll see you swing from the nearest gibbet for this. 532 00:26:52,540 --> 00:26:54,656 -Is that so? -Aye, that is so. 533 00:26:54,741 --> 00:27:00,373 Then have a care, sir, that the rope does not fasten itself around your own soft throat. 534 00:27:16,022 --> 00:27:18,411 You're no match for a real swordsman. 535 00:27:18,502 --> 00:27:23,178 On the contrary, sir, the blade of a tyrant is dull and fat, like its owner. 536 00:27:25,582 --> 00:27:28,255 Dull and fat, am I? We shall see. 537 00:27:34,343 --> 00:27:36,140 Stand and fight, coward. 538 00:27:36,223 --> 00:27:38,499 As you wish, dull, fat tyrant. 539 00:27:42,383 --> 00:27:44,134 So, the worm has claws. 540 00:27:44,224 --> 00:27:46,418 -Aye, and more. -More? 541 00:27:46,863 --> 00:27:49,171 This worm will not be means-tested by a bully. 542 00:27:49,262 --> 00:27:50,936 Means-tested? 543 00:27:51,184 --> 00:27:53,220 Is that… Guards! 544 00:27:53,504 --> 00:27:55,016 I wouldn't suck it. 545 00:27:57,664 --> 00:27:59,733 Do you return the greeting? 546 00:28:03,624 --> 00:28:08,654 Farewell, Chancellor, I am leaving now, but the people will return to take my place. 547 00:28:15,225 --> 00:28:17,977 Alternatively, of course, you could just write to your MP.