1 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,438 (Lisping) You reckon they got in through the back? 2 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,636 Yeah. We reckon it was drug addicts. 3 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:41,111 They took all the drugs. We had Beechams, Night Nurse, all gone. 4 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,316 Not surprising. From where I'm standing, 5 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:47,188 there are 145 points of entry into this shop. 6 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,475 - Are there? - Try and keep me out. 7 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,198 All right. 8 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,469 You see? That's why you need this. 9 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:03,236 Normally this is installed in zoos. The glass is soundproof. 10 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:04,958 Why do you need that in zoos? 11 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,998 Otherwise the kids start calling the lions pricks. 12 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,195 Oh, right. 13 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,316 It's a good system. You know the CIA? 14 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,834 - Yeah. - They don't use this system. 15 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:18,391 - They use something better. - Oh, right. Wow(!) 16 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,471 I read something about the CIA. 17 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:23,313 Apparently, they've got this stationery. 18 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,710 Looks normal, but when you write on it, it dissolves. 19 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,472 No, it's bollocks. 20 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:33,236 OK, it's very simple. When you go out, just press 05 to arm. 21 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:41,713 And to disarm, just press 3369885421... (Fades) 22 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,430 (Silent) 23 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,792 ...399. Are you listening to me or what? 24 00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,711 What? Er, yeah. 25 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:02,633 - Do you want me to do it again? - No, it's fine. 26 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,512 Hi, Bernard. 27 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,192 The alarm system's on. 28 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,794 It prevents the door from being opened 29 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,598 unless you put in the code. 30 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,671 It makes it more secure. 31 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,479 Er, the glass is soundproofed. 32 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:20,519 The glass is soundproofed. The thicker glass... 33 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,352 You know what you are? 34 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,715 A beard with an idiot hanging off it. 35 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,277 (Klaxon) 36 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,549 Well, here I am. 37 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:38,679 Your friend's got all the details, so I'll be off. 38 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,354 But certainly remember the three S's. 39 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:42,873 The three etheth? 40 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,713 Yeah. Security, security, security. 41 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:49,429 Oh! I didn't get what you were saying because of your lisp. 42 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,077 What did you tell them? 43 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,469 - They got in through the back? - Yes. 44 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,632 Wouldn't do to let them know you left the door open, would it? 45 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:02,554 What sort of world is it where you can't leave your door open? 46 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,631 This sort of world, Gandalf! 47 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:10,269 This is the main lock. You arm it by pressing 05. 48 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:11,918 - (Phone) - Hang on. 49 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,553 Hello? Yes. No, I am going to pay that bill. 50 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:18,312 I am. 51 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,630 Yes, I know... Yes... 52 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,073 No, I... 53 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,470 Ye... Excuse me, could you... Hang on, sorry... Yes. 54 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:32,393 You agree with everything I'm saying? Terrific. Bye. 55 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,191 How much for these? 56 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,435 - £40. - They're worth more than that. 57 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,909 These are good hardbacks. 58 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,151 - Tolstoy, Turgenev... - I know, I know, I know. 59 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,232 But I don't want them. I'll have to price them 60 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:53,630 and put them on the shelves and people will ask about them 61 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,269 and buy them and read them and come back and sell them. 62 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:02,195 The whole hideous cycle will go on and on and on and on! 63 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,874 Please, take them away. It won't work. 64 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,678 Here, look. Here, here... 65 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,590 There's 40 quid, just take them away. Please. 66 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,676 - I got it! - Aha. 67 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,638 - Give. Give. Give it. - Oh, my God! 68 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,517 - What? - It's Howell. 69 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,353 Howell Granger. I was at college with him. 70 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,671 - Go and say hello. - No! Don't! He... confuses me. 71 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:29,795 What? 72 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,757 He confuses me. He... 73 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,831 He's a total arsehole. 74 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:38,198 But he's got this voice and it just does things to me. 75 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:39,918 (Deep, husky voice) Fran? 76 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,838 My God! What are you doing here? 77 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,957 Howell! Hello. 78 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,793 I... have a shop... 79 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,950 Erm, I mean, I work next door. 80 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,634 - Ah. - Er, how are you? 81 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,597 Oh, I'm great, you know. 82 00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,671 Still beavering away in Radio 4. 83 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,313 Hey, you look Fran-tastic. 84 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,831 - You sound well. - Thank you. 85 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,117 I hope so. I'm doing the shipping forecast tonight. 86 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,714 That's... good. 87 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,634 Well, I'd better shuffle off before I buy something. 88 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,551 I'm voracious at the moment. 89 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,074 I seem to be swallowing books whole, 90 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,037 absolutely devouring them. 91 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:27,556 I'm ravenous. Anyway, here's my number 92 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,835 should you wish to give me a tinkle. 93 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,592 (Stuttering) 94 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,469 Goodbye. 95 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,199 Arrivedérci, Francesca. 96 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,392 Hey, Genghis. 97 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,115 Isn't it your cinema night tonight? 98 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,590 Yeah. I'm gonna see Armapocalypse. You wanna come? 99 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:52,999 I don't think I will. 100 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,878 Fran and I are meeting for drinks, aren't we? 101 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,359 Shipping. 102 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:02,595 We're trying something new. Absinthe, do you know it? 103 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:06,878 "The drink that makes you want to kill yourself instantly." 104 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,430 - I'm looking forward to that. - Forecast. 105 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,317 That's right. 106 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,357 Do you think I should wash my beard? 107 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,635 I think you should wash it, yeah. 108 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,790 Then shave it off... 109 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,348 nail it to a Frisbee... 110 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,510 and fling it over a rainbow. 111 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:35,270 OK, what was the last film you went to see? 112 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:38,272 Er, oh, that one! You know, the astronauts. 113 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,954 - What, Armageddon? - No, before that. 114 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:44,112 At the end he goes, "You did it! You finally did it!" 115 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,033 Then you see the Statue of Liberty on the beach. 116 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,076 That was it? Planet of the Apes? 117 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:50,673 Yeah. Amazing effects. 118 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,877 You really believed monkeys could have meetings. 119 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,116 And you've not been since then? 120 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,634 No. It's all tossycock. 121 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,712 It's better than getting mashed every night 122 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,155 with no company except the dead bees. 123 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:09,950 I like the bees. They don't leave the door open and get us robbed. 124 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,677 Don't get judgey with me, Ming the Merciless. 125 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,719 Listen, show me, what's the story with this alarm thing? 126 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,916 How's it work? What do you do? 127 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,310 - Right. Now... - You press, what, 05 to arm it? 128 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,039 Yes. You press 05... 129 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,192 then you go out and it'll lock automatically. 130 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,475 - All right. - When you come back in, 131 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,074 you punch in the code and the lock opens. 132 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,310 - Sorry, when I come in? - Yes. 133 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,550 - After I come in? - Yes. 134 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,473 But how do I get in through the locked door? 135 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,755 - That's the clever thing. - Right. 136 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,752 - Could you repeat the question? - I'm outside, 137 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,593 the door is locked, the key pad is inside. 138 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,399 - How can I get in? - Yeah, sorry, I see. 139 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,914 I see. The thing... Er, the... 140 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,672 - Er... - Yeah? 141 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,069 - The code! - Thank you for that. 142 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,390 Sorry to ask again, how do I get in? 143 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,199 - The code opens the door. - I know it does! 144 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,829 But how do I get in to punch in the code to open the door? 145 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,951 OK, just tell me the code. 146 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,792 There was a little man. 147 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,232 That's the code? 148 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:33,393 No, I didn't hear the code cos he had a little man in his hair. 149 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:40,429 Well, the little man in my hair is getting very angry. 150 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,192 What are you talking about? 151 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,192 He had a Subbuteo player in his hair. I got distracted. 152 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:53,315 So we have a security system that doesn't let anybody in or out? 153 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,676 - Including us? - Yes! We'll get used to it. 154 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,591 - HOW?! - What's the problem? 155 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,238 Look! It's very simple. 156 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,754 - Right. - I'm outside. 157 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,308 - Right. - The door is locked. 158 00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:11,075 Now, what happens now is that you... 159 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,196 Wait a minute! I see the problem! 160 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:15,748 You have to get in to punch in the code. 161 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,068 Right! 162 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,479 Is this locked now? 163 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:19,879 I can't hear you. 164 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,269 I'll punch in the code and let you in. 165 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,914 Have you locked me out? 166 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,592 Just one sec. 167 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:43,789 Yes! Yes! 168 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,275 You have! 169 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,670 Write something useful, you stupid fu... 170 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,911 I know, it's annoying. 171 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,588 Fran! 172 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,431 (Humming happily) 173 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:36,395 '... on Radio 4 at 2:30. And now, our weekly visit... ' 174 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,630 (Engaged tone) 175 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,558 (Screams) 176 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:57,030 Right, er, OK, just relax. Relax. 177 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,394 I'm starving. Where... 178 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,677 Ah! Ha-ha! 179 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,111 No, no, no! 180 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,034 Er... Ah! 181 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:15,595 Ah! 182 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,479 Right. "When you find yourself in a desperate situation, 183 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:24,518 "you can find edible grubs or roots. 184 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,398 "Even insects can provide ample nutrition. 185 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,790 "It's vital to stay warm and have adequate liquid." 186 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,837 Right, er... 187 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,309 "Morale is just as important. 188 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,994 "You may find it absurd, but a sing-song 189 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,470 "has seen many a lonely soldier through a long night." 190 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:50,832 # I'm in the mood for dancing 191 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,911 # Romancing 192 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,991 # I'm head over... # 193 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,076 Hmm, crunchy. 194 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,400 Excuse me, there seems to be some mistake. 195 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:21,109 I bought a drink and some popcorn and now I have no money. 196 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,873 That's how much it costs. 197 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,916 Why? Is it special popcorn? 198 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,072 Does it produce some kind of dizzying high or...? 199 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:31,872 Cola, please. 200 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,593 (Slurring) Right, that's the traps set up. 201 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:57,839 Now. "Wait for rabbit to approach." 202 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,190 Huh?! Rabbit? 203 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:04,316 Where am I gonna get a rabbit? 204 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:11,074 "It is vital to maintain radio contact." 205 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,597 Sorry, this might sound funny, but could I have 10p? 206 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,274 - Joking, aren't you? - No, please. Please. 207 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,191 Please don't be engaged, Fran. Don't be engaged. 208 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,356 Don't be engaged. 209 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,796 - (Engaged tone) - Who are you talking to?! 210 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,713 '... after the news, the shipping forecast, 211 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,597 'read by Howell Granger.' 212 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:04,475 Yeep! 213 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:28,154 - Nasty night. - Yeah. Yeah. Freezing. 214 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:31,073 Yeah. Wouldn't want to be stuck out there. 215 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:36,553 A lot of low air pressure from Abernethy or somewhere and... 216 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,393 Is that right? What can I interest you in? 217 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,710 Oh, yeah. Right... 218 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,792 OK, I'd like some hardcore pornography, please. 219 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,552 Right. 220 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,234 Here you are. Set in a woman's prison. £25. 221 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,276 Do you have one in a town hall? 222 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,430 Women guess the weight of the cake... 223 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,829 No. Got one with nurses. 224 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,070 What kind of nurses, though? 225 00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,513 The kind with big tits. 226 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:02,353 What do they do? Are they in administration? 227 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,034 That's what I want. Hospital paperwork... 228 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,669 - That's very specific. - Well, just keep looking. 229 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,069 Can you turn the radiator up? 230 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,071 Administrative Nurses. £40. 231 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,993 Sorry, I meant to say senior administrative. 232 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,799 That's the only thing I'm interested in. 233 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,509 Can we watch it together? Get a bottle of wine and... 234 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,192 Out. 235 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,313 (Engaged tone) 236 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,552 What are you doing?! What takes this long?! 237 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,949 '... northwest Finisterre... ' 238 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,076 Oh! Oh! Ah! 239 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,798 Oh! Oh! Ah! 240 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,350 '... squally showers, moderate, becoming good... ' 241 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,192 Good! 242 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:54,512 (Slurring) Very lonely, I'm a lonely soldier. 243 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,071 Come in. Come in! 244 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,192 This is Lonely Soldier. 245 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,068 My coordinates are... 246 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,791 bookshop. 247 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,952 '... Lundy, Fastnet, Irish Sea... ' 248 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,109 Hello? 249 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,555 Oh! Yes! Oh! 250 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:21,599 '... southwest, veering west, five to seven. Good.' 251 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,153 Good, good. Good! 252 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,879 'That is the end of the shipping forecast.' 253 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:30,191 No! Wait! Please! No! Howell, please come back. 254 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:31,235 Howell! 255 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,231 'And now, A Book At Bedtime. 256 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:37,199 'Joe Pasquale reads Heidi by Johanna Spyri.' 257 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,714 (High voice) 'The little town of Mayenfeld 258 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,394 'lies at the foot of a mountain range... 259 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,919 - '... whose grim, ragged... ' - Ah! 260 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,834 'Behind the town, a footpath winds up to the heights.' 261 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,114 Ah! 262 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,638 Er... Could... 263 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:14,714 Does the... Mamba Burger come with tasty cheese? 264 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,392 No. 265 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:20,996 OK. Then, could I have some... 266 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,516 Hunky Dunkers with barbecue Hunky Dunky dip? 267 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:28,195 Er, and a Mucky chocolate milkshake. 268 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,953 What size? Small, medium, goliath or God? 269 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,312 One Hunky Dunkers, barbecue Hunky Dunky dip 270 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,470 and a medium Mucky. 271 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:40,709 £4.99. 272 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,598 Er, I'm a little light at the moment. 273 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:48,435 Er, actually, er, this belt... 274 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,476 is made from real leather. 275 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,676 Feel it, go on. 276 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,478 Have a feel. 277 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:58,519 If you're not eating anything, you have to leave the premises. 278 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,789 "I will do so immediately, sir. 279 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,757 "I will do so immediately. 280 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,273 "Sir. 281 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:39,316 "I will do so immediately, sir." 282 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:40,719 (Phone) 283 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,513 Hello? 284 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,996 - (Heavy breathing) - Hello? 285 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,672 Who is this? 286 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,115 - (Breathing continues) - Hello? 287 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,350 Is this you, Mummy? 288 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,993 I can hear you breathing, whoever you are. 289 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,389 You're beginning to test my patience. 290 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,199 I know someone's there. I'm hanging up. 291 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,999 (Fran) 'Don't hang up, Howell! ' 292 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:12,198 Fran? Is this you, Fran? 293 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:16,114 - (Fran panting) - Are you OK? Are you in pain? 294 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,156 Do you want me to come over? 295 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,310 - I'll come over, Fran. - (Fran gasping) 296 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,914 Do you want me to come? I'll come, Fran. 297 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,514 - (Fran screaming) - I'll come. 298 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,113 (Piercing scream) 299 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,596 Fran! 300 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,148 Fran, my God, what's happened? 301 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,195 Fran! 302 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,954 'Hello, Howell. Sorry about that.' 303 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,110 Fran, are you all right? 304 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,589 Yes, I'm... I'm fine, thank you. 305 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:50,435 I just... just caught my... foot in the fridge. 306 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,272 Oh, erm... 307 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,237 Thanks, goodbye. 308 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,634 - Er... Erm... - Is it still raining? 309 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:05,948 Er, yeah. 310 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:09,430 Welcome to the thing, whatever this place is. 311 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:14,712 OK. Can I have... 312 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,189 Er... 313 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,157 What do you want?! 314 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:20,958 A Mamba Burger, please. 315 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:24,555 - What do they look like? - Sort of two layers. 316 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,517 What does the wrapper look like? 317 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:30,275 Oh, it's the red... Red and white, I think. 318 00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:32,271 - There you go. - No, no, no. 319 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,510 Just... Just, er... 320 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,477 - This... this one. - Here. 321 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,152 No, no. 322 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:40,998 I think that's it. 323 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,435 With bacon or something on the top? 324 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,432 - No, that's not it. - That one is very nice. 325 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,795 - That's not it. - Try it! Give it a shot. 326 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,472 - That's not it. - Have it! 327 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:54,075 - Give me a quid. - Can I get some chips as well? 328 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,471 - How many? - What? 329 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:58,993 How many? Come on! 330 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,388 40? 331 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,192 Three, four... 332 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,469 Right, two quid. 333 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,073 And a Diet Coke. 334 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,711 - (Beeping) - No, no, no! 335 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,439 Coke's off. Coke's off. Have some extra chips. 336 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,909 - Mamba Chilli Dog... - Is it still raining? 337 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:40,955 No. 338 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,631 What happened? 339 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:03,472 You were burgled again. 340 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:07,109 Huh?! There's nothing left to take. What did they get? 341 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,715 As far as I can make out, they took the security system. 342 00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:13,998 Thank Christ for that. 343 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,515 - What's up with him? - He drank all our absinthe. 344 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,750 I'm a lonely soldier. 345 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,114 What are you doing? 346 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,873 Putting a cold flannel on his head. 347 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,349 - Why? - They do that in the films. 348 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,756 Where were you when I needed you? 349 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:35,355 Oh, yeah, Bernard. Something came... up. 350 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,277 I'm so, so sorry. 351 00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:40,396 Erm, what did you do? 352 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,277 Oh, just my usual night out. 353 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:46,035 Went to see an experimental film where nothing happened. 354 00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:50,318 Met a pornographer, got a job in a burger bar, the usual. 355 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,190 - Bernard. - What? 356 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,236 - I'm sorry. - Forget it. 357 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,788 - No, there's another thing. - What? 358 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,794 (Mumbling) 359 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,233 What did you do? 360 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,072 - (Mumbling) - What did you do?! 361 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,116 I ate all your bees!