1 00:00:33,007 --> 00:00:35,760 Bernard! It's nearly on! Come on. 2 00:00:35,807 --> 00:00:38,605 - What's on? - It. Come on! 3 00:00:39,167 --> 00:00:43,957 (American) You happy? You happy now? Here's your goddamn book store. 4 00:00:44,007 --> 00:00:46,157 Nyuh nyuh nyuh nyuh nyuh. 5 00:00:46,207 --> 00:00:50,485 Hey, mister. You got anything on armouries, weaponry? 6 00:00:50,527 --> 00:00:52,916 Military history is on your right. 7 00:00:52,967 --> 00:00:55,959 I don't want your little history grotto. 8 00:00:56,007 --> 00:01:00,637 I want modern warfare. Infrared. Fallout. Kill zones. 9 00:01:00,687 --> 00:01:05,238 On your right. If you need help, fire some rounds into the ceiling. 10 00:01:07,887 --> 00:01:09,286 Bernard... 11 00:01:09,327 --> 00:01:11,124 Ow! 12 00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:18,127 - ?30. - Hey, that's expensive! 13 00:01:18,167 --> 00:01:21,159 Will you shut up and pay the Scotch man? 14 00:01:26,607 --> 00:01:28,598 Come on. Come on. 15 00:01:29,407 --> 00:01:31,557 (Splutters) Come on. 16 00:01:31,607 --> 00:01:34,075 - What? - Come on! 17 00:01:35,407 --> 00:01:39,446 It's Grand National day. Look, I got us a runner each. 18 00:01:39,487 --> 00:01:44,117 Is this what you spend your pocket money on - filthy gambling? 19 00:01:44,167 --> 00:01:46,158 It's not really gambling. 20 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:49,802 It's a moment when the whole nation comes together, 21 00:01:49,847 --> 00:01:52,839 like the opening of a Richard Curtis movie 22 00:01:52,887 --> 00:01:55,447 or the manhunt for a serial killer. 23 00:01:55,487 --> 00:01:58,843 You're Inner Space and I'm Herr Schmidt. 24 00:01:58,887 --> 00:02:00,878 Eh? 25 00:02:01,527 --> 00:02:04,564 And they're off! Look! Come on, come on. 26 00:02:04,607 --> 00:02:08,236 Over they go. Come on, boy, girl, or whatever you are. 27 00:02:08,287 --> 00:02:12,519 - Oh, he fell. - What happens when they fall? 28 00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:17,004 They give them oats, then shoot them in the head. But yours is still in. 29 00:02:17,047 --> 00:02:21,199 You put our money on this circus of death. You disgust me! 30 00:02:23,887 --> 00:02:27,880 Come on! Come on! Come on, you... Jimmy! Jimmy! 31 00:02:27,927 --> 00:02:29,485 Come on. 32 00:02:29,527 --> 00:02:33,236 (TV) '... at eight to one wins the Grand National.' 33 00:02:34,567 --> 00:02:38,116 Bernard, you came second but I put on an each-way bet. 34 00:02:38,167 --> 00:02:41,159 - That means you still win. - I win? 35 00:02:42,087 --> 00:02:44,521 - How much? - Well, let me see. 36 00:02:44,567 --> 00:02:48,958 It was 12-1, but it was an each-way so... (Mumbling) 37 00:02:49,767 --> 00:02:51,758 ?1.50. 38 00:02:53,727 --> 00:02:57,720 - How do I collect it? - You take the slip back. I'll do it. 39 00:02:57,767 --> 00:02:59,758 All right. 40 00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:04,639 - Now, listen. - Wh...? 41 00:03:05,647 --> 00:03:09,322 - Don't. Lose. This. - (Yelps) 42 00:03:10,807 --> 00:03:12,798 (Breathes heavily) 43 00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:24,478 Yah! All I need is some kind of system. 44 00:03:24,527 --> 00:03:26,961 Tuh! There's only one system - 45 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:30,238 bet, lose, borrow, steal, 46 00:03:30,287 --> 00:03:34,565 lose, take the drugs... Iose, prison, 47 00:03:34,607 --> 00:03:36,598 death. 48 00:03:36,647 --> 00:03:39,207 Don't get pious, you started me off. 49 00:03:39,247 --> 00:03:42,762 That's just a flutter. This is Satan's bingo. 50 00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:45,879 - Well, I was born to win. - Oh, yeah? 51 00:03:45,927 --> 00:03:49,397 - All right, heads or tails? - Heads. 52 00:03:49,447 --> 00:03:51,642 All right, I'll give you that one. 53 00:03:51,687 --> 00:03:54,121 - Right, here we go. - Tails. 54 00:03:54,927 --> 00:03:57,236 You had two kisses from Lady Luck. 55 00:03:57,287 --> 00:04:00,324 Now she's gonna knee you in the rattlers. 56 00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:03,484 - Tails. - Yeah, but sooner or later... 57 00:04:04,047 --> 00:04:07,926 I'll run out of money. Fran, have you got a pound? 58 00:04:07,967 --> 00:04:12,245 No. Can't waste money. Gotta get a new outfit for my job interview. 59 00:04:12,287 --> 00:04:15,484 I'm feeling confident. I'm gonna get this job. 60 00:04:15,527 --> 00:04:17,518 You don't stand a chance. 61 00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:21,242 Nobody would employ you because you're unemployable. 62 00:04:21,287 --> 00:04:25,724 I'd like to help you but I can't, because you're so totally useless. 63 00:04:28,407 --> 00:04:31,399 You could let me do a couple of days here. 64 00:04:31,447 --> 00:04:33,881 Then I can say I'm currently working. 65 00:04:33,927 --> 00:04:36,395 We could work together. It'd be fun. 66 00:04:36,447 --> 00:04:40,440 We could read magazines and speculate about famous people's sexuality. 67 00:04:40,487 --> 00:04:44,958 This place is already riddled with life-sucking parasites. 68 00:04:45,007 --> 00:04:48,397 Oh, give me a job. Just till the interview. 69 00:04:48,447 --> 00:04:52,565 No, Fran, he's changed. He's on the gee-gees now. 70 00:04:52,607 --> 00:04:54,598 Bernard. 71 00:04:59,887 --> 00:05:01,684 Bernard! 72 00:05:02,727 --> 00:05:04,718 I bet you... 73 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:10,719 20 quid I'm so hopeless I never get another job ever. 74 00:05:11,607 --> 00:05:15,759 I'll give you a job. You start tomorrow. Ha! Ha! Ha! 75 00:05:34,647 --> 00:05:37,115 - Colleague. - Co-worker. 76 00:05:37,967 --> 00:05:43,246 Right. You, keep an eye on her. And you, keep an eye on him. 77 00:05:43,287 --> 00:05:45,721 I've got a universe to master. 78 00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:49,956 The boss is away. Even better! 79 00:05:50,007 --> 00:05:52,999 - I brought croissants. - Hooray! 80 00:05:54,047 --> 00:05:57,926 Aha... So, what did you see on TV last night? 81 00:05:57,967 --> 00:06:01,801 Didn't watch it. Don't watch much TV. What about you? 82 00:06:01,847 --> 00:06:03,758 No. Wasn't much on. 83 00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:11,558 (Racing commentary) 84 00:06:24,247 --> 00:06:29,560 "Please may I have a bet on Via Appia in the Lingfield race 85 00:06:29,607 --> 00:06:33,156 "at 3:30 this afternoon? Thank you. 86 00:06:33,207 --> 00:06:36,836 "I will bet ten pounds that this horse wins. 87 00:06:36,887 --> 00:06:40,846 "Here is my ten pounds. Thank you. 88 00:06:40,887 --> 00:06:46,245 "I hope it wins. Yours faithfully, Bernard Black." 89 00:06:46,287 --> 00:06:48,278 (AII laughing) 90 00:06:56,247 --> 00:07:01,480 Now, this is the desk and this is the chair. 91 00:07:01,527 --> 00:07:04,837 - I know. Now, I thought... - Don't interrupt. 92 00:07:04,887 --> 00:07:08,641 This is the till and this stays on the desk. 93 00:07:08,687 --> 00:07:11,679 - The chair remains next to the desk. - Stop. 94 00:07:11,727 --> 00:07:15,515 This is a woman who ran her own business for years. 95 00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:19,446 - Come on, there's work to do. - You're keen. I like that. 96 00:07:20,287 --> 00:07:23,916 But wait. This is the book. 97 00:07:25,287 --> 00:07:28,836 Now, when we make a sale, it goes in the book. 98 00:07:28,887 --> 00:07:31,560 The title goes here, the cost goes here. 99 00:07:31,607 --> 00:07:33,996 At the end of the day, we add up. 100 00:07:35,527 --> 00:07:37,597 Where's the running total? 101 00:07:37,647 --> 00:07:41,481 - It... You don't need one. - We'll keep a running total. 102 00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:44,803 - There's no column for it. - Yes, there is. 103 00:07:45,607 --> 00:07:49,122 The... the... the book! The book! 104 00:07:50,287 --> 00:07:52,676 Come on! Come on! Yes! 105 00:07:52,727 --> 00:07:56,436 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! 106 00:07:56,487 --> 00:07:58,284 Bastard! 107 00:08:02,687 --> 00:08:04,962 - Bad day? - No, it's good. 108 00:08:05,007 --> 00:08:07,237 I've had it with this caper. 109 00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:11,360 So you haven't stuck anything on Au Naturel in the five o'clock. 110 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:14,399 - Shame. Can't lose. - Yeah, yeah. 111 00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:23,197 Why can't it... we lose? 112 00:08:23,967 --> 00:08:28,358 It loves the soft. The jockey has only eaten minted peas for a month 113 00:08:28,407 --> 00:08:32,082 and they're trying to put his house on the race. 114 00:08:36,527 --> 00:08:39,963 - Au Naturel in the five o'clock. - That's 100-1. 115 00:08:40,007 --> 00:08:41,998 What? No, no. 116 00:08:43,647 --> 00:08:46,764 - Which horse, then? - Erm... French Pie. 117 00:08:46,807 --> 00:08:50,800 You think it's the right decision - you're giving me that look. 118 00:08:50,847 --> 00:08:54,999 Wryly amused and also faintly disgusted and depressed. 119 00:08:55,047 --> 00:08:57,607 There you go, French Pie. 120 00:08:57,647 --> 00:09:01,720 (TV) 'And it's Au Naturel, the winner by six lengths. 121 00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:04,679 'Over to Newbury for the six o'clock.' 122 00:09:06,447 --> 00:09:10,122 You should have listened. Still, no big thing, eh? 123 00:09:13,607 --> 00:09:17,759 - She drew a line with a big, blue... - He's useless, he has no idea... 124 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:23,484 Silence! Nobody can speak unless they're holding... this pencil. 125 00:09:23,527 --> 00:09:26,803 - May I have the pencil? I wish to speak. - No. 126 00:09:28,527 --> 00:09:31,963 Now, it has come to my attention this morning, 127 00:09:32,007 --> 00:09:37,081 while reviewing my portfolio, that I cannot afford to pay two employees. 128 00:09:37,127 --> 00:09:41,279 - That's not fair cos... - An interesting situation. 129 00:09:43,407 --> 00:09:45,523 So, what I'm prepared to do is 130 00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:49,560 you can have a week in which to sell as many books as possible. 131 00:09:49,607 --> 00:09:53,600 Whoever sells the most gets to keep the one job I am offering. 132 00:09:53,647 --> 00:09:58,277 - That's not fair. I would... - And the most important point is... 133 00:09:58,327 --> 00:10:02,115 Whenever you see me - I can't stress this enough - 134 00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:06,922 you give me, immediately, all the money. 135 00:10:06,967 --> 00:10:09,481 He has no idea what money looks like. 136 00:10:09,527 --> 00:10:11,802 She's messing up the whole system. 137 00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:22,965 - Bernard... - It's not fair because... 138 00:10:41,487 --> 00:10:44,285 - I saw her first. - The bitch is mine. 139 00:10:44,807 --> 00:10:46,798 Wuh... 140 00:10:48,687 --> 00:10:51,076 Hi. Can I help? 141 00:10:51,127 --> 00:10:55,678 - I'm looking for a light holiday read. - Perhaps these may appeal. 142 00:10:56,407 --> 00:10:58,637 Browse me. 143 00:11:24,047 --> 00:11:26,038 Money. Now. 144 00:11:34,647 --> 00:11:38,276 It's my interview tomorrow, so we have to shut the shop. 145 00:11:38,327 --> 00:11:41,444 - It's not fair otherwise. - Objection! 146 00:11:41,487 --> 00:11:44,559 Upheld. Books must be sold, money made. 147 00:11:44,607 --> 00:11:51,365 Ha! You're toast. T-O-E-A-R-S-T. Toearst. 148 00:11:53,927 --> 00:11:55,918 All yours. 149 00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:59,676 - What's the next race? - There's none. We're closing. 150 00:11:59,727 --> 00:12:02,036 I can't stop now, I'm winning. 151 00:12:02,087 --> 00:12:05,079 We'll make our own race, you against Pat. 152 00:12:05,127 --> 00:12:07,925 I'll put 60 quid on you, you look nippy. 153 00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:09,844 We're closing. 154 00:12:12,167 --> 00:12:14,681 It's always the same, isn't it? 155 00:12:14,727 --> 00:12:16,957 Just when you break your streak. 156 00:12:17,767 --> 00:12:20,600 - D'you ever play poker? - Hm? No. 157 00:12:20,647 --> 00:12:23,525 No, I can never remember the rules. 158 00:12:24,487 --> 00:12:27,524 Although... No. 159 00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:32,118 - Shame. There's a game tomorrow. - Really? Where? Near? Far? Where? 160 00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:35,921 Just... You know Dante's mini-cabs? 161 00:12:35,967 --> 00:12:38,959 - Yeah. - It's big money. 9am. 162 00:12:39,007 --> 00:12:40,998 I'll see you there. 163 00:12:48,207 --> 00:12:50,562 - Who knows how to play poker? - Me. 164 00:12:50,607 --> 00:12:54,043 You're gonna teach me. I've got 12 hours to learn. 165 00:12:54,087 --> 00:12:56,442 - Who's got cards? - Me. In my room. 166 00:12:56,487 --> 00:12:58,478 Good. You can play as well. 167 00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:00,802 - Who's doing nothing? - Me. 168 00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:03,156 Good. You can fetch the cards. 169 00:13:03,207 --> 00:13:07,086 And then... I have spoken! 170 00:13:12,927 --> 00:13:15,316 OK, the first thing about poker... 171 00:13:15,367 --> 00:13:19,360 Wait. We need whisky, like in the movies. And background jazz. 172 00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:21,477 You. Mr guy. Whisky, jazz. 173 00:13:23,927 --> 00:13:29,206 Right. I've got a seven, a two, two queens and a nine. 174 00:13:29,247 --> 00:13:31,602 Well, I've got... an ace. 175 00:13:32,527 --> 00:13:34,643 - And? - And a king. 176 00:13:34,687 --> 00:13:36,678 And a two. And a seven. 177 00:13:36,727 --> 00:13:39,639 And... Mrs Bun, the baker's wife. 178 00:13:49,847 --> 00:13:51,838 (# Mellow jazz) 179 00:13:54,087 --> 00:13:58,478 - We'll say Mrs Bun is another ace. - Hah! I win. 180 00:13:59,287 --> 00:14:02,643 - No, I win. Three of a kind. - What's that? 181 00:14:02,687 --> 00:14:05,679 A pair, two pair, three of a kind, a run, a flush, 182 00:14:05,727 --> 00:14:08,764 full house, four of a kind, straight flush, royal flush. 183 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:11,879 - How do you know all that? - My grandad taught me. 184 00:14:11,927 --> 00:14:15,840 Then my granny taught me how to cheat. Before she got shot in Reno. 185 00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:21,519 - Teach me to cheat. It's quicker. - It's not. You have to rig the deck. 186 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:37,879 - You try. - Yeah, well. 187 00:14:37,927 --> 00:14:40,680 That looked pretty easy, actually. 188 00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:44,642 Pull that and... 189 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,678 Bernard. In you come. 190 00:15:23,847 --> 00:15:25,917 Everyone, this is Bernard. 191 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:28,322 Bernard, this is everyone. 192 00:15:28,367 --> 00:15:30,722 This is Mickey "One Eye" Swayne. 193 00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:32,837 "Undertaker" Jones. 194 00:15:32,887 --> 00:15:36,277 - Lily "The Dazzler" Thompson. - Hello. 195 00:15:36,327 --> 00:15:40,605 Jimmy "The Illustrated, Blind, Solid Silver Bitch" Stakopopolips III. 196 00:15:41,927 --> 00:15:45,920 - Oh. Right. - And Dave "Mouse Ear" Smith. 197 00:15:52,207 --> 00:15:55,882 Dealer's choice. We're playing Lebanese Southern Cross. 198 00:15:55,927 --> 00:15:59,476 40/80 the ante, fives and twos are wilds. No raising before the button. 199 00:15:59,527 --> 00:16:03,520 I don't want any show-boating, coffee-housing, auntie's drawers. 200 00:16:03,567 --> 00:16:07,640 Minimum three aces to start. Minimum bet one ton. Let's play. 201 00:16:09,567 --> 00:16:13,560 - I don't know if I'm ready for this. - Just be sure I can see your cards. 202 00:16:13,607 --> 00:16:16,758 - I'll tell you when to bet. - Would you? 203 00:16:18,327 --> 00:16:20,887 Thanks very much. Call again. 204 00:16:24,087 --> 00:16:26,601 Ah. Did you win or lose? 205 00:16:26,647 --> 00:16:28,717 It's hard to say. 206 00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:32,077 All right. Have you got more money or less money? 207 00:16:32,127 --> 00:16:35,642 - That's complicated. - You've got no money. 208 00:16:35,687 --> 00:16:37,086 Yeah. 209 00:16:38,327 --> 00:16:40,887 - What is the problem? - No problem. 210 00:16:40,927 --> 00:16:45,796 If you want to put on a bet of one pound, I'll be glad to accept that bet. 211 00:16:45,847 --> 00:16:48,725 As soon as you can find the other 93p. 212 00:16:52,607 --> 00:16:55,599 Bernard. Next game, three o'clock today. 213 00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:57,683 Forget it, I'm cleaned out. 214 00:16:57,727 --> 00:16:59,797 That's no big thing. 215 00:16:59,847 --> 00:17:04,398 Let's nip to my office, have a diet yogurt and maybe I can help you out. 216 00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:07,086 No, I couldn't do that. No. 217 00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:19,680 - The thing is, mate, you need a bankroll. - Yeah, I had some good cards. 218 00:17:19,727 --> 00:17:22,924 Just not in the right hand or in the right order. 219 00:17:22,967 --> 00:17:26,960 Your moves were amazing. You kept on losing but you kept on going. 220 00:17:27,007 --> 00:17:30,556 That's what makes a gambler. That crowd were scared. 221 00:17:30,607 --> 00:17:33,599 - They've already got a nickname for you. - Really? 222 00:17:33,647 --> 00:17:35,638 Usually it takes years. 223 00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:38,440 - What, like Tex or Doc or...? - No. 224 00:17:38,487 --> 00:17:41,718 They call you The Gold Mine. 225 00:17:43,487 --> 00:17:47,002 Bernard, I can help you but I need some cover. 226 00:17:47,047 --> 00:17:49,277 I don't have a car or anything. 227 00:17:49,327 --> 00:17:53,320 - Any stock or business concern? - No. I... 228 00:17:54,127 --> 00:17:56,641 I dunno. A shop? 229 00:17:57,447 --> 00:17:59,722 Would... would a shop do? 230 00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:03,919 Well, seeing as it's you... sign there. 231 00:18:05,647 --> 00:18:07,922 How much should I borrow? Thousand? 232 00:18:07,967 --> 00:18:11,926 - Or 10,000. - Or 10... 10,000. 233 00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:25,038 - Oh. - We're closed. Oh, it's you. Sorry. 234 00:18:25,087 --> 00:18:27,317 Why aren't you selling books? 235 00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:29,642 My head'll explode if we do. 236 00:18:33,527 --> 00:18:35,836 You know what Bernard's done? 237 00:18:35,887 --> 00:18:38,162 He's played us off against each other 238 00:18:38,207 --> 00:18:41,517 - to feed his filthy habit. - You're right. 239 00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:45,640 - How was the job interview? - Oh, un... brilliant. 240 00:18:45,687 --> 00:18:49,726 Staying awake till 8am drinking whisky and teaching poker 241 00:18:49,767 --> 00:18:52,042 was not strictly tactical. 242 00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:54,726 I fell asleep in the lobby. 243 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:58,999 At least you didn't punch anyone and puke up in your handbag. 244 00:18:59,047 --> 00:19:01,038 (Chuckles) 245 00:19:10,047 --> 00:19:12,277 - Fold. - Call. 246 00:19:14,247 --> 00:19:16,238 Hm. 247 00:19:17,687 --> 00:19:21,441 OK. A th... th... thousand. 248 00:19:23,247 --> 00:19:25,920 - Call it. - Fold. 249 00:19:27,687 --> 00:19:31,282 - I'll call your grand. - I'll call. 250 00:19:31,327 --> 00:19:33,318 - Fold. - (Coughs) 251 00:19:33,367 --> 00:19:35,562 - Call. - (Coughs) 252 00:19:40,607 --> 00:19:43,121 So, what have you got, big boy? 253 00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:45,397 These ones. 254 00:19:45,447 --> 00:19:47,438 (Snorts) 255 00:19:48,407 --> 00:19:51,922 They won't beat a full house, aces on sevens. 256 00:19:57,327 --> 00:20:00,239 - Unlucky, Mouse. - You out, then? 257 00:20:00,287 --> 00:20:03,916 - No. Can you front me another 100? - Piss off. 258 00:20:03,967 --> 00:20:06,561 - Come on, a hundred quid. - No. 259 00:20:06,607 --> 00:20:10,805 You're out of the game now, Bernard. You've got six hours to pay. 260 00:20:11,607 --> 00:20:16,522 So, it's the ten grand plus 100%/% interest. That's 20. 261 00:20:16,567 --> 00:20:19,718 Or your shop. Or your legs. 262 00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:34,680 You know what'll happen? He'll come in and he'll say... 263 00:20:34,727 --> 00:20:37,719 "Fran, Manny, help me. I'm in trouble." 264 00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:44,201 - Fran, Manny, help me... - Hi. Are you in trouble? 265 00:20:44,247 --> 00:20:48,035 Yeah. I have to find... 20 grand. 266 00:20:48,087 --> 00:20:50,078 In the next six hours. 267 00:20:50,127 --> 00:20:54,405 Or, er, get evicted from my shop. 268 00:20:54,447 --> 00:20:57,086 Or my legs. Erm... 269 00:20:57,127 --> 00:21:00,915 So don't... For now we'll just think. We'll think... 270 00:21:00,967 --> 00:21:03,276 You happy now? We found it again. 271 00:21:03,327 --> 00:21:06,000 I don't like this book. I want a refund. 272 00:21:06,047 --> 00:21:10,199 No. Go away, we're closed! Bugger off back to Australia! 273 00:21:13,287 --> 00:21:15,278 What am I gonna do? 274 00:21:15,327 --> 00:21:19,605 Manny, d'you still have those funny sunglasses you got in Whitstable? 275 00:21:19,647 --> 00:21:22,844 Yeah, in the bathroom. You think they're funny? 276 00:21:22,887 --> 00:21:25,162 I'm gonna be homeless. And short. 277 00:21:25,207 --> 00:21:28,085 - And you're chatting! - Relax. 278 00:21:28,127 --> 00:21:30,322 Everything's gonna be fine. 279 00:21:32,447 --> 00:21:34,438 (Racing commentary) 280 00:21:36,007 --> 00:21:39,158 (American accent) Look, a real English bookie's. 281 00:21:39,207 --> 00:21:42,961 You happy now? All day long in Madame Tussaud's. 282 00:21:43,007 --> 00:21:45,999 I miss the action, yadda-yadda. 283 00:21:46,047 --> 00:21:51,075 What's this? This is no good. What is this with the tiny televisions? 284 00:21:51,127 --> 00:21:53,800 Let's go someplace we can play cards. 285 00:21:53,847 --> 00:21:56,759 Why d'you wanna play cards? You lose. 286 00:21:56,807 --> 00:22:00,720 Ah, come on. I saw The Tower, the goddamn queen. 287 00:22:00,767 --> 00:22:03,884 Hello. Sorry, I couldn't help overhearing. 288 00:22:03,927 --> 00:22:07,920 If you're interested, there is a little game on this afternoon. 289 00:22:07,967 --> 00:22:11,482 Anything. Anything to make him shut up. 290 00:22:11,527 --> 00:22:14,758 Could I sit in to see he doesn't lose too much? 291 00:22:14,807 --> 00:22:16,798 100 grand here, 100 grand there... 292 00:22:16,847 --> 00:22:19,839 - It adds up. - That's not a problem. 293 00:22:28,207 --> 00:22:33,679 OK, you can have this on one condition. You never... gamble again. 294 00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:37,276 - OK, I won't. Give, give. - Uh-uh-uh. 295 00:22:37,327 --> 00:22:41,479 You must swear that from now on you will lead a wholesome life. 296 00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:45,964 You will stick to a modest range of breakfast wines. 297 00:22:46,007 --> 00:22:49,283 At table, you will use at least a knife and a fork. 298 00:22:49,327 --> 00:22:53,923 And your hand will fondle not card nor dice nor the gelding. 299 00:22:53,967 --> 00:22:58,722 OK, OK. I swear! Can you come on? I've got about 20 minutes 300 00:22:58,767 --> 00:23:02,806 before I'm scratching my stumps in a cardboard box. 301 00:23:04,047 --> 00:23:08,165 Can I just say you were fantastic back there? 302 00:23:08,207 --> 00:23:11,677 - Really? No, you were the star. - No, you were. 303 00:23:11,727 --> 00:23:15,766 When I said, "What's that big, famous clock by the river?" 304 00:23:15,807 --> 00:23:19,197 - And you said... - I said, "You know, Big Bill." 305 00:23:19,247 --> 00:23:21,238 That was class. 306 00:23:21,287 --> 00:23:25,075 And you, don't blow it, OK? Just act casual. 307 00:23:25,127 --> 00:23:28,483 They don't call me The Gold Mine for nothing. 308 00:23:31,127 --> 00:23:34,802 19,980, 20,000. All there. 309 00:23:35,607 --> 00:23:39,919 - Er... where'd you get it all from? - Oh, I broke my streak. 310 00:23:39,967 --> 00:23:42,276 I got lucky on a horse. 311 00:23:42,327 --> 00:23:44,363 What's it called? 312 00:23:44,407 --> 00:23:46,637 Hm? Oh, what was it? 313 00:23:46,687 --> 00:23:49,281 Erm... Big Bill. 314 00:23:50,087 --> 00:23:52,078 Right.