1 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,520 PIG SNORTS 2 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,280 LINDA! 3 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:33,160 DISTANT WHISTLING 4 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:35,840 HE GROWLS 5 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,160 WHISTLING 6 00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:43,800 Stop that ruddy whistling, you disgusting Scotch peasant! 7 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,720 'LINDA!' 8 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:49,280 Duke of Dunstable. Appalling man. 9 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,920 First name begins with 'A', staying here with his niece. 10 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,960 - Can't remember her name, of course. - Clarence! 11 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,600 No, that's my name! Oh, hello, Connie. 12 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,160 - Have YOU seen Linda? - Linda! 13 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,280 - Alaric wants her. - Alaric. - Oh, please, Clarence! 14 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,320 I mean, if he doesn't find the girl, 15 00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:07,640 he's going to start smashing things up with a poker. 16 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,640 WHISTLING 17 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:13,840 You! Are you Scotch? 18 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:18,560 Gae cren yer blargy auld pwist, y'clomping troon. 19 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:25,600 WHISTLING 20 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,320 Ruddy fellow turns up uninvited, trailing nieces, 21 00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:30,280 stays for weeks, spreading distemper. 22 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,360 His own place is vastly bigger than Blandings, 23 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,320 why can't he stay there for a change? 24 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:38,160 Bellowing about like a mastodon with a hernia. What's this poor, erm...? 25 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,680 Linda. 26 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,840 - Precisely, what's she done to deserve to be dragged here? - Clarence. 27 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:45,000 There is sufficient imbecility in this world 28 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,960 without you contributing to it by speaking. 29 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:51,480 For the last time! HAVE YOU SEEN LINDA?! 30 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,120 Oh, God! 31 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:58,160 You shall not marry that creeping pustule, Pongo Twistleton! 32 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,920 What kind of an imbecile allows himself to be called 'Pongo'? 33 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:06,640 An imbecile who looks at my ward and says to himself, "Toot, toot! 34 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:10,120 "Gravy train! Here comes Uncle Alaric's cash!" 35 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:12,160 I think not! 36 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,800 And when you find my ruddy niece, you just tell her that. 37 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,800 Very good, your grace. Will that be all? 38 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,720 No! Where's Emsworth? Don't tell me. Cavorting with that ruddy pig again! 39 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,880 The man's potty! 40 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:27,480 LINDA! 41 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,400 Has he gone, Beach? 42 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,360 He has, Miss. 43 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,280 'LINDA!' 44 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,400 Did he have a poker? 45 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,920 He has a tendency to pokers. 46 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:43,800 He used one to demolish the drawing room of his own house, 47 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,600 because he could hear Pongo whistling 48 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,840 'The Bonny, Bonny Banks of Loch Lomond'. 49 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:52,080 He hates Scotland, you see, he really hates whistling, 50 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,560 and above all, he hates Pongo! 51 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,960 He's a great hater, Uncle Alaric. 52 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:02,480 - Yes, Miss. - 'LINDA!' 53 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,800 CAR HORN BLARES 54 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:07,920 LINDA! 55 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,720 CAR HORN BLARES 56 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:14,240 - Morning, Duke! - Festering fistula! 57 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:16,440 LINDA! 58 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,960 So. Usual deplorable business. Girl... 59 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,320 the one we were discussing earlier... has to be kept away from young man. 60 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,760 Why? I have no idea. Oh, yes... because he's poor! 61 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,040 I think that's ridiculous. What does it matter? 62 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,840 I mean, suppose you won the Derby and all of a sudden... 63 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,720 Are you addressing your pig? 64 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:39,320 Ah, Dunstable! Eh? No, I was soliloquizing. 65 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,880 I heard you inciting that animal to run the ruddy Derby! 66 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,600 Good God, Emsworth! 67 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,240 You can't put your shirt on a pig to win a horse race! 68 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,200 - Why should the Empress wish to wear my shirt? - Empress? 69 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:53,760 Stone the crows! Now the man is hallucinating royalty! 70 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:58,080 Dunstable. You're in the presence of the Empress of Blandings. 71 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:01,080 Emsworth. That is a PIG! 72 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,240 Ah! My dear fellow! You fail to see what I see. 73 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:08,200 Now, look here. I came for a rational conversation about Linda. 74 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:11,320 Linda! That's the girl I was talking about. Go on. 75 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,560 - Right. That's it. I'm taking the animal off your hands. - What? 76 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,120 When I leave, that pig comes with me! 77 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:20,320 If necessary, in slices! 78 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,840 Ah! Hello, Beach. 79 00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:30,600 HE ROARS 80 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,480 WHERE'S RUDDY LINDA? 81 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,600 'Ruddy Linda'? 82 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,640 The Honourable Miss Gilpin, Sir. 83 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,640 Oh, yeah! Isn't she Pongo Twistleton's bit of squeeze? 84 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,680 I believe the two young persons are engaged. 85 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,120 But the match does not meet with the approval of his grace. 86 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:49,080 Oh, well. No surprise. Frightful thug. Has he smashed much? 87 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,000 I have removed most breakable items 88 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,600 - from his usual routes about the house, Sir. - Good man. 89 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,320 BREAKING GLASS 90 00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:00,040 Oh, and, well... Better move that, rather valuable. 91 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,520 'LINDA!' 92 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,960 LINDA! 93 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,520 Where are you, my dear? 94 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:09,960 LINDA! 95 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,520 Now about this pottiness of Emsworth's. It's gone too far. 96 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:23,720 - He wants to put a bundle on his pig to win the ruddy Derby! - What? 97 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,640 He needs to see a loony doctor, Connie! And fast! 98 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,840 There's only one man for this sort of crisis... 99 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:32,000 Alaric. Do you speak figuratively 100 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,480 when you say my brother wishes to enter his pig for Epsom? 101 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,640 I do not. I think he thinks because it's a flat race, 102 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,720 the animal stands a chance. 103 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,240 Don't interrupt! Wait there! 104 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,480 Ah! Here is the blighter. 105 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,160 Name's Roderick Glossop. 106 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,520 - Is he discreet? - I've never met the man. 107 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:54,400 I try not to mix with doctors, bunch of bloater-eaters most of 'em. 108 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,880 But he had the entire Welsh branch of my family committed, 109 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,480 so he does the job. 110 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,040 - Thank you. - You. Get me a dozen eggs. 111 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,520 Certainly, your grace. How would you like them done? 112 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,760 I don't want eating eggs, you idiot! I want throwing eggs! 113 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,960 I wish to assault that ruddy whistling Scotchman! 114 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,600 Very good, Sir. 115 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,720 - What are you doing? - Good heavens! 116 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:28,360 I'm hiding from Dunstable! What are YOU doing? 117 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,080 - I was looking for you. - Well, I'm glad you've found me. 118 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,200 D'you know he plans to confiscate the Empress? 119 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,800 In SLICES? 120 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,160 He says you are going to enter her for the Derby. 121 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:41,200 Connie, you appear to forget, that the Empress is a pig. 122 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:44,000 It is not her custom to gallop! 123 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,680 Ruddy Dunstable! The man's a LUNATIC! 124 00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:02,240 Beach! I wish to send a telegram! 125 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,880 SOBBING 126 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:15,240 - I say, are you all right? - It's my Pongo. 127 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,000 Oh dear! Has it sustained an injury? 128 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,560 SHE SOBS HARDER 129 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:22,760 Ah! Beach! What is it that requires my urgent attention? 130 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,720 - A telegram for her ladyship. - Oh! I'll take it! 131 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,800 I'm on my way to touch her for a few quid. 132 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,240 Hundred of 'em, in fact. 133 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,160 Yes, fortune was a bit outrageous on the slings and arrows front 134 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,840 at the Pink Pussy. 135 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,400 Ah! Hello, old prune! How's life? 136 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,160 SHE SOBS 137 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,400 So I gathered. 138 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:49,200 Sir Roderick Glossop regrets that he is 'unavoidably detained'. 139 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:53,000 Oh, that is a shame! Who is, erm...? 140 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,960 Oh! Everyone's heard of Glossop. 141 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,200 Beach? 142 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,120 Sir Roderick is London's premier nerve specialist, Sir. 143 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,880 Exactly. Loony doctor! 144 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:06,360 God! What does he want HERE? 145 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,760 It is the Duke's intention that your father should be committed, Sir. 146 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:14,520 He persuaded her ladyship to summon the gentleman. 147 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:18,960 CLARENCE GRUMBLES 148 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:22,120 Wait a bit. Guv'nor? Guv'nor? 149 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,920 You ever had dealings with Pongo Twistleton? 150 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,600 Is that a firm of solicitors? 151 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:31,320 I bet Aunt C hasn't either. Excellent! 152 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:36,480 The course of true love, just for once, is going to run tricklingly. 153 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:40,680 Oh, sadly this telegram failed to arrive. 154 00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:43,560 But Glossop shall... 155 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,960 Pongo! 156 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:58,480 - Are you all right? - Yes. Yes. Never better. 157 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,000 - Though I may be slightly drunk. - Why? 158 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,960 - I've been drinking. - Ah! - Look at my hand. 159 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:07,160 - Steady as a rock! - Yes, but I can see three of them. 160 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:11,400 Problem is, Freddie, I'm a physical and moral coward. 161 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,960 Look, Pongs, all you have to do is pronounce the Guv'nor 162 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,800 fit for human consumption. Eh? 163 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,720 Then he'll square up to Dunstable 164 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:20,280 and demand blessings of your linkage to lissom Linda. 165 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,200 - Backbone, Pongo. Give it some gas. - Sir Roderick! 166 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,640 Oh, good Lord! It's my aunt. 167 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,480 Dear lady. 168 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:32,560 Good heavens! Thank you for coming so promptly. 169 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,720 Promptitude is my middle name. 170 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,640 Actually, it's Ambrose. Call me Rosie. 171 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,240 - Lead me to the nutter. - (Less gas!) 172 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,000 - 'Nutter'? - Oh, technical term. 173 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,520 The Earl of Emsworth. 174 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,680 Is he? Or does he merely BELIEVE he is? 175 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,720 No, he IS the Earl of Emsworth. 176 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,920 And although undoubtedly he is eccentric, 177 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:55,320 I am not at all sure he's mentally unstable. 178 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,800 You seem awfully young, Sir Roderick. 179 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,960 Yes! As a child he diagnosed his little sister 180 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:03,080 with adenoid fitzo-screamia. 181 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,760 May I be candid? 182 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,560 You are here at the instigation of the Duke of Dunstable. 183 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,360 He wishes you to examine my brother. 184 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,720 I wish you to examine the duke. 185 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,520 EMPRESS GRUNTS 186 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:25,080 My dear, I am so concerned about your safety! 187 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:31,080 I can't be here with you all the time, y'see, to protect you... Oh! 188 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,800 Ah! McAllister... 189 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,160 Angus... 190 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,040 Edward? 191 00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:43,840 HE GROWLS 192 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:50,080 Dunstable? Glossop. Glossop, Dunstable. 193 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,840 Hello? 194 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,600 We met before? Weren't at school together? 195 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,840 Never thrashed you, or anything? 196 00:10:56,840 --> 00:11:00,800 Duke, Sir Roderick is about four hundred years younger than you. 197 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,920 You'd be surprised, the people I've thrashed. 198 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,720 HE GIGGLES GIRLISHLY 199 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,120 Don't giggle like a ruddy female! 200 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,480 To indicate something amusing has been said, laugh like a man! 201 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:12,720 Mmm-ha! 202 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,640 If it's excessively amusing, mmm-ha-ha! 203 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,880 Listen, Glossop. Do this right, and I'll see you rewarded. 204 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,320 Understood? Now, let's collar Emsworth... 205 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,040 Sir Roderick does not seem entirely composed. 206 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,960 No, it's a professional strategy. 207 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:30,640 The patient is lured to decant his anguished soul. 208 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,960 If there is anything I should have been told 209 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,400 about this nerve specialist and wasn't, 210 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,560 I shall drill a small hole in your skull 211 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:40,720 and suck out your brains with a straw. 212 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,840 SHE SUCKS IN HER BREATH QUICKLY 213 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:47,320 That's about as much time as it would take. 214 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,160 God! 215 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,200 SHE SUCKS IN BREATH QUICKLY 216 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:56,520 God! 217 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,000 WHISTLING 218 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,360 Got any eggs on you? 219 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,960 You! Stop that ruddy whistling! 220 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,080 We seek Lord Emsworth. 221 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,280 Ah, hush yir wisht, yer bug babune! 222 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,600 You are begging for an egging! 223 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,120 Lord Emsworth set me here to guard his pug agin the likes of you. 224 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,640 Pig? Gah! Pottiness incarnate! 225 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,600 When we find Emsworth, be trenchant in your judgment. 226 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,280 We shall admire you for it. 227 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,480 You would admire a man who was trenchant with Lord Emsworth? 228 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:26,800 Immensely! 229 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,320 I should slap him on the back and dine him at my club. 230 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,400 Back to the house! 231 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,120 Shoo! 232 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:44,280 What are your first impressions? All this business about eggs? 233 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:48,120 Troubling. Very troubling. 234 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,200 I am nowhere NEAR drunk enough to cope with this! 235 00:12:56,200 --> 00:13:00,600 You're doing swimmingly. Just... try to stop touching my aunt. 236 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:04,320 It frightens me. 237 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,600 BELL RINGS 238 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:21,680 I have taken measures, Beach, but I fear for the Empress's safety. 239 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,520 My lord. May I speak frankly? 240 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,760 My dear fellow, I trust you would never do otherwise. 241 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,400 There is one on the premises, of whom you must be wary. 242 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,560 Damn right. Ruddy Dunstable! 243 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,720 The instrument of Lord Dunstable. 244 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,480 What, like a trombone? 245 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,560 Lord Emsworth, you've got to help me! 246 00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:44,400 I really do believe that if Uncle Alaric says another foul word 247 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:48,280 about Pongo, I will stick his poker through his black heart! 248 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:49,720 Oh, good gracious! 249 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:53,000 Shh! He's coming. I implore you! Tell him I'm not here! 250 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:57,320 Into the loony's lair, come on. Emsworth, this is Glossop. 251 00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,200 Quite possibly thrashed him at school, one can't be sure, 252 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,720 one thrashed so many. 253 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,480 Why's my niece hiding behind that stuffed goat? 254 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,680 It's not a goat, it's an alpaca. 255 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:07,920 LINDA GASPS 256 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,000 And she isn't! 257 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,200 Clarence, are you actually insisting 258 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:15,880 - that Linda is not hiding behind that creature? - I am, Connie! 259 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,920 Furthermore, I have it on good authority 260 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,840 that there is a secret fraternity of brass instruments in the house, 261 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,960 - working in concert for our excretion. - What? 262 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,040 - When I say 'concert', I don't... - What are you drivelling about? 263 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,560 'Excretion' isn't quite right either, but you entirely take my point. 264 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,240 It's a CONSPIRACY, Connie! 265 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,680 Glossop. This is the time to be robust. 266 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:39,960 Commit this loony and I shall see you properly rewarded. 267 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,240 LINDA SNIVELS AND SOBS 268 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,640 It is clear to me, Duke, 269 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,080 that the patient suffers from 270 00:14:56,080 --> 00:15:00,600 a sublunary medulla... oblongata diathesis. 271 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:04,360 - Wha...? - A whole pile of it. 272 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,200 So, it's off to the funny farm? 273 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,760 - I would be delinquent not to send him thither. - Bingo! 274 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:13,080 Glossop? You twerp! I call that a highly caddish diagnosis! 275 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,680 (No, no, I can explain...) 276 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,440 What is 'Glossop'? 277 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:20,560 Emsworth? You'll be much happier in the long run. 278 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:24,280 Now why don't you go and have a pleasant lie-down? 279 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:27,320 I don't want a 'pleasant lie-down'. 280 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:30,320 I am going to my room! 281 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,480 To stand up! 282 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,320 Unpleasantly! 283 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,680 HA! 284 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,240 DOOR LOCKS AND KEYS JANGLE 285 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,880 HE CHUCKLES MENANCINGLY 286 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,240 Oh, Alaric, what have I done? 287 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,560 Ha! 288 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,000 Emsworth will soon be settled in the Giggle Factory, 289 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,920 with a rug over his lap and a plate of pap. 290 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,400 I'll hang around Blandings, make sure you don't 291 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,600 make a female farce of running the dump. 292 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:24,080 And if that penniless sewer Pongo Twistleton comes sniffin' round 293 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,480 Linda, I shall drag his pancreas out through his hat. 294 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,880 Mmmm-ha-ha! 295 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,200 What I said was excessively amusing. 296 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,920 I said I wanted eggs! 297 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,120 Oh, Beach. 298 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:41,040 Indeed, your ladyship. 299 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,640 Perhaps Sir Roderick's professional attentions could be... 300 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,160 ..redirected? 301 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,720 Pongo? 302 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,360 Twistleton! You ruddy viper in the bosom! 303 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,880 I did not bring you here to get the Guv'nor trussed 304 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:24,360 and shipped to a loony bin! Will you stop kissing, while I'm chastising you? 305 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:27,160 I'm terribly sorry, Freddie. But it was suddenly clear to me 306 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,600 that oiling up to Dunstable was the way forward. 307 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,760 Freddie, please! Pongo is a lamb! 308 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:37,200 Whatever he did, he did for love of me, which is awfully romantic! 309 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:41,800 Well, I'm shocked, Pongo. Shocked. 310 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:42,960 BEACH COUGHS 311 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,160 Beach? Come out and look at me being shocked. 312 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:48,480 Forgive me, I was taking a stroll, and could not help overhearing... 313 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,360 Yes, yes, yes. What are we to do? 314 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:53,240 In the first instance, are you familiar with the popular melody, 315 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,440 'The Bonny, Bonny Banks of Loch Lomond'? 316 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,280 What? D'you want me to sing it? 317 00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,880 No, Sir. I should like you to whistle it. 318 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:03,160 - You know how to whistle, Sir, don't you? - Yes. Yes. Yes. Of course. 319 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,880 You blow and then you put your lips together. 320 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,000 - Other way round, Sir. - Ah! 321 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:14,560 OWL HOOTS 322 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:31,600 DOOR UNLOCKS 323 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,320 Beach, 324 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,400 why have I gone to bed? Is it bedtime? 325 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,760 Shortly, my lord. 326 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,720 I just came to warn you, there may be some small commotion 327 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,080 outside your window within the hour. 328 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,120 Are the local people advancing on the castle 329 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:48,640 - with lighted torches and garden forks? - No, my lord. 330 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:52,440 - Torches lighted, not the forks. - No, my lord. - Oh, good. 331 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,800 Good night, Beach. No need to lock the door, though? 332 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,560 Certainly not, my lord. 333 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,960 I cannot imagine how it came to be locked in the first place. 334 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,640 I'm coming... 335 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,640 I hear you... 336 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,160 KNOCK AT DOOR 337 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,000 Come! 338 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,440 What the hell do you want? 339 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,600 Ah. Finally! 340 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,440 DISTANT WHISTLING 341 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,440 FREDDIE WHISTLES 342 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:45,440 ARGHHHHH! 343 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:50,280 Will that be all, your grace? 344 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:58,720 Watch where you're going, you stupid bloody woman! 345 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,280 Ruddy hellfire! 346 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,600 CLANGING 347 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,160 Ah, crumpets! 348 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:13,080 ALARIC SCREAMS 349 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:17,680 - Oh, I say! - Now look here, Dunstable! 350 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:23,680 - I thrashed you and you blubbed! - Alaric! 351 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,680 ALARIC GROWLS 352 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:32,840 YOU! You're the ruddy vermin who needs a damn good egging! 353 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:36,840 What on earth is going on? Oh! 354 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,480 Pongo! Do something! 355 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,400 Dunstable! DESIST! 356 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:46,640 ALARIC GROWLS 357 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,680 It is abundantly clear, Dunstable, 358 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,760 that it is NOT Lord Emsworth who is cuckoo. 359 00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:58,640 It is you! 360 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:03,000 Before witnesses, you have assaulted the love of my life. 361 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,960 - Eh? - Er, Miss Gilpin... 362 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,440 I thought you said 'the love...' 363 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:10,960 We pay no heed, Dunstable, to what you think I might have said. 364 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:14,880 Escort the duke to his room and lock him in. 365 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:19,880 In the morning, I shall telephone the Master of Lunacy. 366 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,440 Miss Gilpin, come. 367 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:34,640 Connie? You've.. got a bit of something on your... 368 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,960 BEACH SIGHS 369 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:00,680 EMPRESS GRUNTS 370 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,680 No. 371 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,720 Leave it! 372 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:23,080 - Where is Sir Roderick? - TOGETHER: Who? 373 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:28,760 Oh! He hasn't come down yet. 374 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,800 And where is Linda? 375 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:34,240 She hasn't come down either. 376 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,920 Mr Frederick? The duke wishes to see you, Sir. In his room. 377 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,080 Right. Erm... Beach? 378 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:45,600 - I have, Sir, removed all the obvious weaponry. - Ah! 379 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,640 Oh my! Duke? Put the slipper on the floor and step away from it! 380 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:03,040 I need you, damn it! 381 00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:09,400 Listen to me. There appears to have been some fatuous misunderstanding! 382 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,160 I need you to make this clear to Glossop. Eh? 383 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,040 It is completely impossible for me to help you in any way. 384 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,040 I'll give you five hundred pounds, damn and blast you! 385 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,360 And yet I can but try. 386 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:31,880 Sir Roderick! Whatever is this? 387 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,400 You're an impostor! 388 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,720 Lady Constance, I am. 389 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:44,720 But, above all, I am a physical coward... 390 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,720 Just ask yourself this, Aunt C. 391 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:51,840 Is it really in your interest to expose him? 392 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:57,400 Let me explain the situation as clearly as I can... 393 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,080 DOOR CREAKS OPEN 394 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,800 Pretty day. 395 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,160 Very pretty. Thought I might as well walk from the station. 396 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,960 How wise you are. 397 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,080 My name's Glossop. I'm afraid I'm a little late. 398 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,520 I'm sure it doesn't matter. Whom have you come to visit? 399 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:30,920 The Earl of Emsworth. 400 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:34,280 My dear fellow, I'm the Earl of Emsworth! 401 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,160 I don't consider you to be late at all! 402 00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:41,040 Come into the house and refresh yourself. 403 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,320 You seem well, Lord Emsworth. 404 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:49,480 Fit as a flea, Sir Roderick, how are you? 405 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:53,040 - I confess to being perplexed... - I regret to hear that. 406 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:56,440 I don't understand why I was so urgently summoned. 407 00:24:56,440 --> 00:25:01,080 Happens to me all the time. I call it having a sister. 408 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,320 THEY LAUGH 409 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,360 Let's have a cup of tea. Come on! 410 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,360 Sometimes, at this time of day, there's crumpets. 411 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:14,000 You are a rich man now, Pongo. 412 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:20,880 Oh, my darling! 413 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,640 Buzz me up to the Ritz and dance me stupid! 414 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,680 Oh, Pongo, Pongo, how I love you! 415 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,960 I say, Aunt C, how are you fixed? 416 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:32,120 Few quid to keep the wolf from the door? No. 417 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:33,920 WHISTLING 418 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:38,840 EGGS! BRING ME EGGS! 419 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:42,560 THREEPWOOD! 420 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,640 Ah! Ow! 421 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:50,120 Did you say you were summoned, Sir Roderick? By whom? 422 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:53,280 - The Duke of Dunstable. - Oh. 423 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:57,120 Is the duke disposed to behaviour that is not entirely rational? 424 00:25:57,120 --> 00:26:00,320 He lays about the place with a poker on a regular basis, if that... 425 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:01,800 Oh, here he comes now. 426 00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:03,440 ARGHHHHH! 427 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,880 If I were you, Sir Roderick, I'd be inclined to take cover. 428 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,280 Not at all. I'm intrigued. 429 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,560 ALARIC GROWLS 430 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,960 Oh dear! 431 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:26,520 Duke, I am Sir Roderick Glossop. 432 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:30,560 Can you give me one reason not to issue you 433 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,200 with a Certificate of Lunacy, 434 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,640 despatching you to join the Welsh portion 435 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:41,120 of your family confined at Merthyr Tydfil? 436 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:44,160 Is there ANY demonstration 437 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:49,440 of basic sanity you are prepared to make? 438 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,960 FREDDIE WHISPERS 439 00:26:53,960 --> 00:27:00,440 You could let your ward, Miss Gilpin, marry the man she loves. 440 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,000 Who is that, by the way? 441 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,440 FREDDIE WHISPERS 442 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:08,920 That one. The pretty one. I mean, surely, Dunstable. 443 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:14,960 Why obstruct the course of true love? That WOULD be madness! 444 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,160 ALARIC GRUMBLES 445 00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:28,520 It will come as no outstanding surprise 446 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,160 to learn that I am going to my room. 447 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,000 If you speak, Clarence, 448 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,000 I will introduce eggs into your person in a manner 449 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:41,000 you may mistakenly believe to be medically impossible! 450 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:04,640 Between you and me, I don't think Alaric's entirely right in the head. 451 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,920 Poor fellow. 452 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:08,480 Have a potato. 453 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:12,120 Can you whistle? 454 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:18,760 I have this particular melody lodged in my head... 455 00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:23,960 WHISTLES 'THE BONNIE BANKS O' LOCH LOMOND' 456 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:31,200 ALARIC YELLS 457 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:35,120 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd