1 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:35,600 I'm getting rather anxious, Connie, about Stinker Parsloe. 2 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,680 - I wish you wouldn't call him that. - Who? 3 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:41,400 - Stinker - I mean, Sir Gregory. - Fat pig competition coming on, eh? 4 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,960 Bet your life the fellow's up to no good. 5 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,640 So, I've taken the precaution of inviting Galahad down from London. 6 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:52,520 - What? - I knew you'd be pleased, he's so resourceful in a crisis. 7 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,800 I do not allow Galahad to visit Blandings. 8 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:56,680 Connie, Galahad's our little brother. 9 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,920 Every time he sets foot in the house something reprehensible occurs! 10 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,520 Poor Bishop Bostock, 11 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,320 drinking such a large glass of water and finding it was vodka. 12 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:05,600 Ah, well, yes. 13 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,080 Subsequently, we did have the pleasure of seeing Bostock 14 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,680 do the cancan! 15 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,880 I've always wondered what senior clergy wore under their raiment. 16 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,080 If Galahad causes me the slightest embarrassment, 17 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:16,760 I shall saw off your head 18 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,120 and drop kick it into the herbaceous border! 19 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,920 What, from here? No. 20 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:26,280 Seriously, though, Connie, porcine subterfuge from Stinker. 21 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:28,400 - We must be on our guard. - Oh! 22 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:33,120 Come on, Your Majesty. Come on, Sweetheart. 23 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:36,440 Oh, Lovely Empress. Good girl. 24 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:44,720 'You are such a grotesquely bloated pig. 25 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:48,040 'Bloated. Bloated.' 26 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,600 You simply could not eat another thing... 27 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,760 ..however tasty... 28 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:05,720 I have here, Binstead, a plate of the very finest sticky willies. 29 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:08,640 Do help yourself. 30 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,080 - No, thanks. - Ha! 31 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,240 HE LAUGHS 32 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,840 - Morning! - Morning, sir. 33 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:38,720 I say! 34 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,200 Fabulous! She goes like a bird. 35 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:51,640 But I think I'll wait for the supercharger. 36 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:55,080 - Gally! - Freddie! Hello, my boy. 37 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,920 - I say, is that yours? - Test drive. 38 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:02,160 - You're going to buy a Lagonda? - Don't be silly. I needed a lift. 39 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,880 Will you find your way back all right? Good man. 40 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:10,440 Yes. Matter of fact, it suits me to be back in the old hovel. 41 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,760 I want some peace. 42 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,400 I need to squeeze my buxom muse till her pretty pips squeak. 43 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,640 - What do you need, my boy? - Oh, erm, money. 44 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,080 Of course. May our innermost desires be granted. 45 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:29,320 - Beach, you hound! - Mr Galahad. 46 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:32,680 Did you put your vest on Baby Bones to romp it at Kempton Park? 47 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,000 - I did, sir, thank you for the advice. - Good man. 48 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,040 Your usual mid-morning refreshment, sir? 49 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,280 Oh, first of the day, 50 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:42,320 except for the one I had at breakfast. Cheers. 51 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:46,800 Right, young Freddie. Let's say "boo" to your old man, shall we? 52 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,480 Beach! Splendid. 53 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:02,920 - Galahad is here. - I've been thinking about Galahad. 54 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,680 Capital! How clever of you to invite him down! 55 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,120 Galahad! 56 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,400 Dear old Clarence! Hello, sis. 57 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,560 Oh! 58 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,480 Little trick I picked up in the Cavalry. 59 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,120 - You were never in the cavalry. - The club, not the regiment. 60 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:18,160 Galahad, what is your purpose? 61 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,880 On Earth, generally, to sprinkle joy and gladness. 62 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,880 At Blandings, to recollect the telling detail 63 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,360 that makes the simply sensational, gripping. 64 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,640 - What? - I'm writing my memoirs. 65 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:33,000 Memoirs! What a marvellous idea! Have you got a title? 66 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,640 - Hallo To All This. - Oh, very good. 67 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:39,880 Boko Bagshot, Dogface Weeks, Binky Bender, Fruity Biffen, 68 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:44,000 Fatty Coleman, Stiffy Halliday, Buffy Struggles! 69 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,880 All those reckless, roistering gay blades! 70 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,680 Young Parsloe, even. 71 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,720 Great Mayfair days, Freddie. They called me The Shadow. 72 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,840 For ever marauding, never captured. 73 00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:59,800 At the Pink Pussy, you know, they call me Flat, Unfurnished! 74 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,920 It's a joke, apparently, about my head. I couldn't care less. 75 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,320 People say I'm ignorant, I don't even know the meaning of the word! 76 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:07,960 Ha! That's the spirit, my boy. 77 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,720 A fellow your age ought to be a beau sabreur about town. 78 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:14,360 Oh, oh, but Galahad, London. Frightful. 79 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,360 All sorts of ghastly people coagulate in London. 80 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:21,160 Once, quite incredible, I dined at the Senior Conservative 81 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,920 and the waiter served me up a rubber hot-water bottle 82 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,400 with chipped potatoes. 83 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,200 By no means incredible, Clarence. 84 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,880 For who was it, masquerading as a wrinkled retainer of your club? 85 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,120 Your neighbour, Stinker Parsloe. 86 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,760 Remember him, strutting about in front of Buckingham Palace, 87 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,200 with a soup tureen on his head 88 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,040 and a stick of celery down his breeches singing Call Me Whoopsy! 89 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,280 Ha! 90 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,360 - It's all in my book. - Galahad... 91 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,360 Absolutely! Disgusting behaviour. 92 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:52,400 Not to mention the hideous incident of the prawns. 93 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,440 THEY LAUGH 94 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,720 - I remember that! - No, you do not. 95 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:01,480 On that note, I must telephone the Mammoth Publishing Company. 96 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:04,320 Talk amongst yourselves. Toodle-oo. 97 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,960 I shall enjoy reading Galahad's book. 98 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,520 No, you won't. 99 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,120 If this book is published, 100 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:23,560 the entire family will be ostracised. 101 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:27,720 Everybody we know will be polluted by his regurgitation 102 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,240 of their youthful indiscretions! 103 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,720 It's your fault he's here, Clarence, 104 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:36,120 you shuddering jelly of imbecility. 105 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,800 He must be stopped. 106 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,280 - By you! - Oh... 107 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:43,160 HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY 108 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,360 Excellent. Excellent. 109 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,880 - I shall surrender my manuscript to your courier. Name again? - 'Drabble.' 110 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:56,600 - Drabble. If Drabble could bring cash? - 'Certainly, sir.' 111 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,640 Splendid, splendid, thank you so much. 112 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,440 Bye-bye. Bye-bye. 113 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:03,960 - Erm... - Connie has sent you here to tell me something. 114 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,280 She has, Galahad. She has indeed. 115 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:12,560 Yes. Now, look here...erm... 116 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,280 She fears the wrath of those hypocritical bounders 117 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,600 like young Parsloe when I blow the gaff 118 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,120 - on their juvenile high-jinkery, yes? - Yes. 119 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,040 But are we intimidated by Connie? 120 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:23,520 - Yes. - No, we are not. 121 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,200 She's chucking her weight about, Clarence, it's not be borne. 122 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,640 - You should have sat on her head in the nursery. - Oh... 123 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,440 Now, Beach, is it time for a drink? 124 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:34,320 Cook wishes to know if you will be dining here this evening, sir? 125 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,240 Your eyelid's twitching. That's a tell. What are you concealing? 126 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:41,680 Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe is also dining here this evening. 127 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,920 Oh, no! 128 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,400 Is he? Is he? 129 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:51,240 Clarence, do you think Cook could be persuaded to serve us prawns? 130 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,480 Oh! 131 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,400 HE CHUCKLES 132 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,080 - Beach? - I shall see if it can be arranged, sir. 133 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,680 Excellent! 134 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,280 Just pointless! Just pointless. 135 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,040 Well, no, not really, actually, the gooey bit at the bottom... 136 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,600 Asking your father to do anything. 137 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,360 He couldn't influence his way out of a straw hat. 138 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,600 - What have you come here for? - Erm...lunch. 139 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,640 I mean, to Blandings. 140 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:32,320 - You need money, don't you? - No! No, no, no. 141 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:36,160 - How much? - 50 quid. Bit of a mix up at the Pink Pussy. 142 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,800 I shudder. I wish to hear no more. 143 00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:43,560 I will settle this debt for you, Freddie. 144 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,400 On the condition... 145 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,920 that you find your uncle's filthy manuscript and bring it to me. 146 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:52,160 On no account must it be allowed to reach the publisher. 147 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,320 Mammoth could ruin Blandings. 148 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,480 I think, Freddie, I shall adjourn to my office. 149 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,400 - Office? - Others know it as the conservatory. 150 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,440 Do you mind tootling down to the bus stop to scoop up a certain 151 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,480 Les Drabble, from my publishers? 152 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,240 - Rather important business. - How will I know him? 153 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,360 He's a fetcher and carrier, so I imagine he'll have a soft hat, 154 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,560 a poorly-shaven chin and the glazed expression 155 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:35,920 of the paunched and bored. 156 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,160 Always carry a false bottom, Freddie. That's my advice. 157 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,760 Thin. Thin. 158 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:59,240 Your only desire is to be the thinnest pig in the world. 159 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,520 What's the matter with you, you stupid animal, 160 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,760 can't you understand English? Concentrate! 161 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:12,640 Now, food, urgh. 162 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,400 The very thought of it disgusts you... 163 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,160 Food... 164 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,280 Urgh... 165 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,440 Whatever are you doing? 166 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,560 I'm not doing anything. I was merely going out for a stroll. 167 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,280 Thought I'd take a look at your pig. 168 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,440 And, erm... 169 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,920 check her pulse. 170 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:37,200 Yes, I am researching...pig pulses. 171 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,080 Pig pulses? 172 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:44,840 Yes. I'll expand on the matter later this evening. 173 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:46,280 When I... 174 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,440 dine with you. 175 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,560 Well, I call this a rum business, Stinker. 176 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,200 And if you were still here, 177 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,320 you'd be very chastened to hear that. 178 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:23,240 I say, are you looking for somebody? 179 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:28,560 Oh, snap! I had to meet someone, but I missed him - the Mammoth. 180 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:31,400 - Oh. Have you got a name? - Oh, Freddie Threepwood. 181 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,200 No, I mean for the Mammoth? 182 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,960 Oh...erm...can't remember. 183 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:40,800 A name befitting a soft man with a poorly-shaven hat 184 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,800 who used to be a glazier. 185 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,800 - With a paunch. - Drabble? 186 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:48,160 That sort of thing. Ears like cauliflowers, probably a nose, too! 187 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,840 Mission was to whizz him up to Blandings to fetch a manuscript. 188 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,320 Also, to stop him getting it. 189 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,560 Family honour in peril, and so forth. 190 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:57,680 Well, never mind. I tried, that's the main thing. 191 00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,840 Oh, look, there's a pub. Care for a drinky? 192 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,400 How very kind, but I rather have to get to Blandings Castle. 193 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:07,960 Aha! Well, there...I may be of service to you, Miss...? 194 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,800 - Just...call me Lesley. - Oh, Lesley! 195 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,880 - People tend to forget my surname. - Oh. 196 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:28,360 HE SNORES 197 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,360 Close, Connie, but no cigar. 198 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,080 If you publish this disgusting book, we shall never speak again! 199 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,440 And there are other benefits. 200 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,560 The name of our family will for ever be associated 201 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:08,120 with fearless exposure of the sordid truth. 202 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,480 Why do you affect this preposterous monocle? 203 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,960 To amuse you, my dear. 204 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,600 What? 205 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,560 Freddie, my boy! 206 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,080 Uncle Gally? 207 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,320 I'm afraid I missed your Drabble. 208 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:30,960 But look what I found instead. This is Lesley. 209 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,480 I say! My dear, you must imagine that 210 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,760 I'd leap up and bow to kiss your hand. 211 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,280 Are you Galahad Threepwood? 212 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,360 Large as life and twice as likely to escape arrest. 213 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,480 However do you tolerate being called Les? 214 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,840 I've been called worse. 215 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,720 (Your nephew's very charming. Please get rid of him.) 216 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:50,920 Yes. 217 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,880 Freddie, Lesley and I should like to have a moment alone. 218 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,080 Blimey. That is... 219 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,040 - Yes, of course. - Goodbye. 220 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:02,680 My dear. 221 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,920 lbs500! 222 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:11,160 Another 500 on this date every year for as long as the book sells. 223 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,120 And, boy, is it going to sell! 224 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,080 Would it surprise you to learn that all my adult life I have been more 225 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,680 acquainted with the chink of coin than the rustle of paper? 226 00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,120 Not at all. I am the same. 227 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:24,280 Why else would I work as bagman for a bunch of thugs like Mammoth? 228 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,840 - Miss Drabble, I don't suppose...? - No. 229 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,120 Quite. Absolutely. 230 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,120 Would I were 20 minutes younger. 231 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,520 So, then... 232 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,360 ..to business. 233 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,280 How's that? 234 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,040 Perfect, my lord. 235 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,960 Look here, Beach, tonight. 236 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,320 Parsloe on the premises. 237 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:57,400 Yes, my lord. 238 00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:02,240 You and I both know Stinker plays a dirty game when it comes to pigs. 239 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:04,760 However, my sister is of the view that rather than punching 240 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,960 the blighter on the snout, I should be civil to him. 241 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,840 Neighbour, and so forth. 242 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,080 Indeed, my lord. 243 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,480 I have taken the liberty of seating Sir Gregory 244 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,880 next to Lady Constance, away from Your Lordship. 245 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,800 Sitting with you is a Miss Drabble. 246 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,800 Capital. Capital, capital. 247 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,800 Oh, capital! Who's she? 248 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:27,920 No, it doesn't matter, I shall look forward to her company. Oh, Beach... 249 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,880 ..shall there be prawns for dinner? 250 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,400 I believe there shall, my lord. 251 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:38,720 Goody. 252 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,360 You haven't got it, have you? 253 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,800 Well... 254 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:52,120 in the strictest sense that it is not quite in my possession, no. 255 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,640 Freddie, if you fail me in this, 256 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,160 I shall take you to the zoological gardens 257 00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:01,080 and feed you to the lizards in thin, bloody slices. 258 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,880 - The lizards? - Have you ever seen lizards eating meat? - Oh... 259 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,600 No, wait, I haven't finished. 260 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,920 Who is this young woman you've suddenly produced? 261 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,880 Oh, yes, she's rather jolly, isn't she? I met her at the bus stop. 262 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,000 The bus stop? 263 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,240 Freddie, if brains were dynamite, 264 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,760 you couldn't blow the fuzz off a peach. 265 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,600 - Erm... - Don't speak. Get the book. 266 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:55,280 "How to Discourage Eating By Association With Nausea." 267 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,160 HIS STOMACH CHURNS 268 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,200 'Food...urgh...' 269 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,760 I understand that you walked here this evening, Sir Gregory. 270 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,800 HIS STOMACH CHURNS 271 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,440 You do not care for soup? 272 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:23,960 Please, don't say that word. It has an unpleasant resonance. 273 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,760 Something simpler, sir? 274 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,360 I could bring up a runny egg? 275 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:29,960 HIS STOMACH CHURNS 276 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,520 Should I...bring that up, sir? 277 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,520 For God's sake, man, go away. 278 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,280 Did you hear, Clarence? Sir Gregory walked here this evening. 279 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,040 What? 280 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:47,640 What is required of me, do you think? 281 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:48,840 Sympathy? 282 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:53,000 Oh... Lost your chauffeur, eh, Stinker? 283 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,720 You can't lord it over chauffeurs, you know. 284 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,720 Proud sort of people. Write him a letter of apology. 285 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,120 - Clarence... - Pig pulses... 286 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,160 - I like to walk. - Yes. 287 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,680 Time was, young Parsloe, 288 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,920 you used to like ride round on a slab of beef, hmm? 289 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:12,920 Remember when Puffy Benger hoisted half a cow 290 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,800 so it was suspended over those debs, and you took it upon yourself... 291 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,640 I remember no such thing. 292 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,920 It's just as well that I do then, isn't it? 293 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,840 - It's all in my book. - What book? 294 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,360 - (My book now. - Mmm, keep that under your chapeau.) 295 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,520 Such a prodigious memory! 296 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,440 I take my hat off to anybody who can remember anything at all. 297 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,360 Let alone the story of the prawns. 298 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:37,520 - What? - Ah, yes. The strange case of the curiously-wedged crustaceans. 299 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,400 Deserving of an entire chapter! Ha-ha! 300 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,240 There you were the next morning rushing up and down Brook Street 301 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,440 - sprinkling fivers like confetti. - Galahad! 302 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,080 I forbid you, sir, ever to mention that matter. 303 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:51,360 Should've given me a fiver, then, I might have forgotten about it. 304 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,200 Prawns! Capital! 305 00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,600 HIS STOMACH CHURNS 306 00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,360 Sir Gregory, I entreat you... 307 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:10,440 You cannot conceive the retribution society shall wreak 308 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,520 if that book of Threepwood's is published. 309 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,560 Damn it, Constance, you're a good woman, 310 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,920 but you are disgraced by your family. 311 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,560 I cannot associate with you until you have resolved this... Oh! 312 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,640 I wish you good evening. 313 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:33,280 THEY LAUGH 314 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,120 He thought he'd got away with it, 315 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,720 because he still had the pink, frilly knickers over his face! 316 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,400 But there it was - a little trail of shells, right across Mayfair! 317 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:47,200 THEY LAUGH 318 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:52,040 LAUGHTER PETERS OUT 319 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,720 That'll be all, thank you, Beach. 320 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:59,960 - My lady. - Freddie, would you escort your guest...from the room? 321 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,320 Do not move. 322 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,200 Clarence... 323 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,520 if you fail to prevent the publication of this book, 324 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:11,320 you will have to spend the rest of your life in London, 325 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:14,840 grovelling to atone for your brother's atrocious behaviour - 326 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:18,080 trying to redeem the name of Emsworth. 327 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,320 London? 328 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,400 All your life. 329 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:23,960 And on the way to the station, 330 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,960 you might as well deliver your pig directly to Sir Gregory. 331 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,320 It might go some way to appeasing him for this evening, 332 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,200 but I doubt it. 333 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,760 In the meantime, 334 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,800 I am going to my room! 335 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,800 Your aunt's quite a power, Mr Threepwood. 336 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,680 You must forgive me, Miss Lesley, if I am a little preoccupied. 337 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,440 It was essential, you see, 338 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:55,680 - that I accosted this fetcher and carrier bloke. - Don't despair. 339 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,080 You might still be able to do a bit of accosting. 340 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,960 SNAP! Ah! Ruddy thing. 341 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,400 Who's that? 342 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,880 Must be Drabble. 343 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,480 Ow! Where the ruddy hell am I? 344 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,040 Gotcha! 345 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,560 You shaven-paunched carrier! 346 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,240 Take that! 347 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,600 Now, where's the manuscript? 348 00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:39,160 - Right. Well, that was exciting. - Yes. 349 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,880 Oh! 350 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,160 But I don't want to spend the rest of my life in London. 351 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,360 I don't want to spend the rest of my life scrabbling for pennies. 352 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:53,400 Trains that go under the earth, 353 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,280 cars honking and belching. 354 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,280 Signs in parks that say, "Don't do this", "Don't do that." 355 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,880 Flowers one can't even touch and the air, Galahad! 356 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,920 - There's no air... - Clarence. Stop it. - What? 357 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:08,240 Staring into the abyss. Step back from it. 358 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,840 I shall not let this terrible thing happen to you. 359 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,200 I don't entirely follow. 360 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:14,600 I know you don't. 361 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,400 Stay here. Have another beaker of the blushful Hippocrene. 362 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,320 I'm off to settle Connie's hash. 363 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,280 Oh! Oh... Oh, Galahad. 364 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,800 - Right. - How dare you? 365 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:36,920 I dare because I love my brother. 366 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,320 And even though it is my firm conviction, Connie, 367 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,000 that Clarence should have stuffed your face repeatedly 368 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,280 into the nursery carpet to stunt the growth 369 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,160 of your ridiculous pettiness and snobbery, 370 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:48,720 I love you, too. 371 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,120 Galahad, if you use the word "love" one more time, 372 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,760 it may be necessary for me to sink my teeth into your larynx! 373 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:59,200 I've decided that Hallo To All This is not for publication. 374 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,640 - Don't believe you. - I don't blame you. But it's true. 375 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,880 Mammoth must forfeit their golden goose. 376 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,400 Give me the book. 377 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,360 You're not old enough to read it. 378 00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:09,920 Give me the book. 379 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,760 Yes, erm, actually, that's not possible, 380 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,160 because I've already given it to the courier. 381 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,600 I just have to pop and get it back from her. 382 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:27,400 HE GROANS 383 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:28,960 Do you think he's dead? 384 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,440 People tend not to gurgle when they're dead. 385 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,560 Urgh! God! 386 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,080 Be tough with him. 387 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,200 Talk at him out of the side of your mouth. 388 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,920 Oh, erm... 389 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,160 Now, look here. 390 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,040 Hand it over and I won't get hurt. 391 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,240 Oh, no, no... I mean... 392 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,000 Hand what over? I haven't got any money. 393 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,640 Oh, well, that much we have in common. But I want the manuscript. 394 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:55,120 What manuscript? What does it look like? 395 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:56,320 Like this! 396 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,720 I can't see. I've got a ruddy sack on my head. 397 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,960 I tell you, if my hands weren't tied... 398 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,400 - Your hands are not tied. - Huh? 399 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:04,680 Oh... 400 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,640 - You?! - You? - Him! 401 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,720 Me! Hello, everybody. 402 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,600 My God, Threepwood, you'll suffer for this! 403 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,400 - Well, which Threepwood will be doing the suffering? - Neither. 404 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,880 He'll calm down in a minute when he hears what I have to say. 405 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:26,680 Miss Drabble, absolutely delightful to find you still here. 406 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,960 If you weren't so damned pretty, this would break my heart. 407 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,400 I return my fee. 408 00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:35,280 All right by me if you lose it on the way home, 409 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,520 - you deserve a raise. - What is all this? 410 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,280 The mark of a gentleman, Parsloe, 411 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:43,320 to recognise when a caper has become a liability that may cause harm. 412 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,400 Miss Drabble? Thank you. 413 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,440 I don't trust you, Threepwood. You'll print it privately. 414 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:50,640 Excellent idea, but no. 415 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,080 As for trust, cocky, behold - 416 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,640 the chapter of the prawns. 417 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,080 There we go, darling. 418 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:08,160 Now, young Parsloe, go home and have a bath. 419 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,280 We shall not speak of what has passed this night. 420 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,320 I'm afraid I said that with my fingers crossed. 421 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,920 - Now, Freddie, did Connie offer you a reward? - Oh... 422 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,280 If she gives you any trouble, 423 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,720 go straight to the medicine cupboard in Beach's pantry. 424 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,480 Concealed therein is an account of your aunt sprinting round 425 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,200 the rose garden wearing a wicker basket and nothing else. 426 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,560 - Great snakes! Why, for a bet? - A bet, of course, 427 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:40,200 but, fortunately, I was there to record the whole event. 428 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,280 Now, you young people will be wanting to kiss each other bonkers, 429 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:44,640 so I bid you good night. 430 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,560 Toodle-oo. 431 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,640 Is life always like this at Blandings? 432 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,840 - Lord, no. Sometimes it can get quite hectic. - Oh... 433 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,440 Look, what he said... 434 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:57,960 I shouldn't want you to... 435 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:13,240 I sat next to the most charming girl tonight at dinner. 436 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,000 Can't remember her name. 437 00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:19,440 - Lesley. - No, don't think it was Lesley. 438 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:23,120 One of those names that fits both boys and girls. 439 00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:24,840 Hamish, possibly. 440 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,800 Clarence, in your time, have you met many girls called Hamish? 441 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:34,320 My dear fellow, Hamish is a boy's name. 442 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:37,280 I thought so. Just checking. 443 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:41,840 Your thundering good health. 444 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:49,360 About your book, Galahad. Have you made arrangements for it? 445 00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,480 I have, Clarence, yes. 446 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,840 - I have. - Well... 447 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:08,160 Beach, I am so sorry to trespass upon you at this hour, 448 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:11,400 but the excitements of the evening have given me rather a headache. 449 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,920 Could I have one of your wonderful powders? 450 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,680 Yes, of course, your ladyship. 451 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:26,200 Oh... Erm... 452 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:27,680 What have you got there? 453 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,040 Nothing, my lady. Bit of rubbish. 454 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,520 Give it to me. 455 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:40,600 'Her modesty, what remained of it, defended by a small, wicker basket.' 456 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,800 Yes. Quite right, Beach. Utter preposterous rubbish. 457 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,720 - Shall I dispose of it? - No, no, no. Thank you, Beach, 458 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,480 I have a perfectly adequate basket... 459 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,560 - HE STIFLES LAUGHTER - ..in my room.