1 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,240 How was that, Miss Polk? 2 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:29,000 I'm not taking a photograph, Lord Emsworth. 3 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,080 I'm afraid y'all have to hold the pose a little longer. 4 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:36,200 Yes, yes, of course, totally understood. 5 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,920 - Guv'nor. Guv'nor. - Frederick! 6 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:42,400 This is Miss Vanessa Polk. You'll never guess, but she's an artist. 7 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,320 She's come all the way from, erm... 8 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,240 San Antone. 9 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,800 Ah, very good, I know this one! That's in America. 10 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,560 It was when I left it, honey. 11 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,840 My daddy wrote your Aunt Constance. 12 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,040 Before I was born they used to have a thang? 13 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,200 She invited me to visit with y'all. 14 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,840 Miss Polk? 15 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:05,680 God bless America. 16 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,240 Specifically Texas. 17 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:10,840 I'm sure we have some in the medicine cupboard. 18 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,640 Lord Emsworth? 19 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,800 Oh... Guv'nor. Guv'nor... I came to tell you about Hannibal. 20 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,600 The elephant guy? 21 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,280 Sort of. 22 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,000 He was playing elephant polo when his father died, so the dukedom 23 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,160 went to his brother Alaric instead, which put H in a strop. 24 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,320 He wanted to be Hannibal Dunstable, y'see. 25 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:30,480 But now he has to be Lord Didcot, which sounds like something 26 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,520 you shout if you drop a hammer on your foot. 27 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:37,440 Batey Didcot is an absolutely ghastly man. 28 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:43,200 Worse than his brother. Pokering the furniture, roaring at the servants. 29 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:47,040 He was here last week, bullied me into selling him something or other. 30 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,240 Thank God he's gone. 31 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,520 - Well, no, he hasn't. - Yes. 32 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:52,880 - He's back. - No. 33 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,240 Where's the ruddy butler?! 34 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,520 And another thing! 35 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,640 Calypso Surprised. See it? 36 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:07,960 It's a fake. Bronzino, my Aunt Fanny. Look, it's signed by... 37 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,400 Cozzy somebody. 38 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,960 Bless my soul. 39 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,680 Never mind your soul, Emsworth. 40 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,720 I bought this off you for 50 quid and I want my money back. 41 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:21,120 Hannibal, whatever is all this noise? 42 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:25,040 Connie, I've been conned. 43 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:29,560 I'm not leaving this ruddy house till I have justice. 44 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:36,120 Morning all. Lovely morning. 45 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:37,800 It's a peach. 46 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,880 Um, where is Peach? I mean Beach? 47 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:41,400 He's on holiday, Guv'nor. 48 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:46,960 Oh... Did I really sell Batey Didcot a painting of Pinocchio Despised? 49 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,720 Beach would know. 50 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,720 I think you'll find he's on holiday. 51 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,040 If you ask me, Hannibal's losing what remains of his marbles. 52 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,080 Galahad, we did not ask you. What are you doing here? 53 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,600 I'm useful in a crisis. 54 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,560 - What crisis? - Hannibal's off his nut. 55 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:03,240 For heaven's sakes! Lord Didcot is merely eccentric. 56 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,920 It's the living alone in that enormous house. 57 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,920 And his ridiculous feud with Alaric. 58 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:13,560 All he needs is a capable woman to marry him and sort him out. 59 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,760 Which is the reason I have invited Miss Polk. 60 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,440 What? 61 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,080 Dear Vanessa. 62 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,560 - I heard voices. - Happens to me all the time. 63 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,960 Let us go somewhere less congested. 64 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:32,440 Yes... 65 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:33,880 Leave it now... Leave it. 66 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:40,240 So very, very kind of you to indulge Clarence by painting his pig. 67 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,040 You really mustn't take much trouble. 68 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,960 Oh, it's no trouble. I like to paint. 69 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:51,680 Now...we have staying with us a very old family friend. 70 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,200 Lord Didcot. 71 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,440 I mean one knows so many peers, but he is really rather special. 72 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,440 You smile? 73 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,040 Your nephew... 74 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,120 What has Freddie said, exactly? 75 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,240 That Mr Didcot was an old walrus 76 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,600 in trousers five sizes too small for his... 77 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,000 upper thighs. 78 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,520 Yes. Well, unfortunately Freddie was dropped on his head. 79 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,200 Oh! How terrible. 80 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,480 Yes, it will be. 81 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,680 I mean, it is true Lord Didcot is of a certain age 82 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,400 and also has a conservative manner. 83 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:26,120 The latter of which could be changed by a woman - 84 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,880 say, the daughter of a very old and dear friend... 85 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,840 To do what? 86 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:35,320 Hannibal's estate... 87 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:39,240 on which he lives alone, is considerably bigger than Blandings. 88 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,600 Do you follow? 89 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,320 - I guess... - Good. 90 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,880 < ROARING AND CRASHING 91 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,360 It would be wise not to address him as Mr Didcot. 92 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,440 OK. 93 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,760 Furthermore, 94 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:58,400 my room has no poker! Where's the ruddy butler? 95 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:02,760 What? Yes, good point, where IS Beach? 96 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,440 He's on holiday. 97 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,880 Is he? Nobody tells me anything. 98 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,680 Hannibal, I should like you to meet Miss Polk. 99 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:14,040 Pleased to meet you, Lord Didcot. 100 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,760 Gad, a damned colonial. 101 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:21,280 Miss Polk is the daughter of JB Polk of Polk Furnishings. 102 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:25,080 Can't abide a woman in yellow. Also much too tall. 103 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,360 Carry on, see the geography of the house. 104 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:32,920 Polk. A single woman and many times a millionairess. 105 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,280 Mmm! 106 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:36,520 Let me show you the west wing. 107 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,960 We'll go through the dining room, into the conservatory. 108 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,600 Clarence, I've been here five minutes 109 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,480 and you haven't taken me to see the Empress. 110 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:49,040 Oh, my dear fellow, I do apologise. Come. Come. Most exciting news. 111 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,120 She's having her portrait painted. 112 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,560 Guv'nor, touching on the subject. 113 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,920 Mirabile dictu, I've got myself in a spot of bother. 114 00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:58,640 I was a little flown with wine 115 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,240 and was moved to wager Catsmeat that I couldn't fit three billiards balls 116 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,320 in my mouth and give a tolerable rendition of La Marseillaise. 117 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,280 Hah. Haven't done that for years. 118 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,040 Now I owe him 100 smackers. 119 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:11,040 Hang on, Guv'nor, don't ooze off - I'm not on the sponge, 120 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:14,600 I have here a crash-hot commodity. 121 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,000 Pointless asking me about money, Frederick. 122 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,480 Your mother was the man for all that. 123 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,840 But I am totally strapped for the necessary rhino! 124 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,360 Oh... 125 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,440 Ah! Lord Didcot? 126 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,560 Yes? 127 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:35,480 I have come into possession of this rather splendid picture of a horsey. 128 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,480 You may wish to purchase it. 129 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:41,400 Get out of my way. I want to purchase Vanessa whatserface. 130 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,240 And I've not finished with Emsworth. 131 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,040 Oh... 132 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:58,240 Lord Emsworth? Can you look at her like you know she's boss? 133 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,760 She IS boss. 134 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:03,920 Thus? 135 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,480 All right! We're off to the races! 136 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,400 Races? Emsworth? 137 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:13,560 You're not thinking of entering that ruddy pig in the Derby again? 138 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:17,560 Heard about that from m'brother, God rot and damn his ruddy soul. 139 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,360 - They're just having their picture done, you goon. - What? 140 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:25,200 It's kind of a... marriage portrait. 141 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,840 Oh, my God! 142 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,640 Didcot, if there's a fatuous conclusion to be leapt to, 143 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,240 you'll leap it. 144 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:32,680 Gah! 145 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:36,360 This is yet another instance of Emsworth's egregious pottiness 146 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:37,920 and mendacity. 147 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,280 Don't think you can get away from me by slithering orf to be 148 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,040 with your porcine floozy. 149 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:47,600 Miss Polk, look at this ruddy piece of junk he made me buy. 150 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,320 Did you ever see such an outrageous fake? 151 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,000 Rooked me rotten. 152 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:57,160 I'm hanging the damn thing where it belongs. 153 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,280 Now... Miss Polk. 154 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,720 HE CHUCKLES 155 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,320 You're a bit of a dolly, aren't you? 156 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:11,960 Will you excuse me? I just have to... 157 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,240 not talk to you. 158 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:21,600 Today's cock, Hannibal. Tomorrow's feather duster. 159 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,800 That'll learn him. 160 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:44,240 He is the most unpleasant specimen. 161 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:48,240 Dreadful. Apart from Batey Didcot, Miss Polk, how do you like Blandings? 162 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,240 I like it just fine. 163 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:53,400 I expect you're accustomed to far superior plumbing, food, 164 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,960 transportation and teeth. 165 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,840 Oh, I'm not unacquainted with hardship. 166 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,440 Really, I wonder why. 167 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,400 I knew your father - he's a very good egg, old JB. 168 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:05,640 But he's never had a moment's hardship in his life. 169 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,520 Never had a daughter, either. 170 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:13,200 So. OK. Do I pack my bag? 171 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,200 Don't be preposterous. No. Tell me your secret, Vanessa? 172 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,560 Is your name really Vanessa? 173 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:20,840 - Vanessa...Gruber. - Enchanted. 174 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,280 JB hired me to paint his portrait. We got on pretty well. 175 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,840 I was a little down in the dumps at the time so he fixed me 176 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,520 this trip to England, to have some fun. 177 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:32,120 "Let's tell my old pal Connie I'm your daddy," he said. 178 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:33,880 "She'll lap you up." 179 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:37,160 Would I be close to the mark in assuming you haven't two beans to your name? 180 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,920 I play a little blackjack, to keep the coyote from the door. 181 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:41,920 But I dropped a packet in Pasadena. 182 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:43,680 I'm broke, Gally. 183 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,600 Sad to hear it, but join the club. 184 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:50,000 Huh. Listen. There's something bothering me. 185 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,760 My animal magnetism. Don't be alarmed. I'll switch it off. 186 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:57,000 Now, sit here and tell me your troubles. 187 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:04,920 < That picture the one that foolish man threw away... 188 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,800 < It's the real thing. 189 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,920 < Good God, it must be worth a fortune! 190 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,280 < You bet. Hundreds of thousands. 191 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,440 CLANKING 192 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:19,040 Let us continue this fascinating conversation outside. 193 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,280 There are too many hairy old ears in these walls. 194 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,880 Hundreds of thousands... 195 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,720 WHISTLING 196 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,760 Right. 197 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,200 HE GROWLS 198 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,120 She's only just arrived and already your uncle has her cornered. 199 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,800 I suppose you admire that. 200 00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,560 Frederick, what do you want? 201 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,480 I wanted to propose to you. 202 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,240 Er, make you a proposition! 203 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,960 As long as it's nothing to do with painting, art or artists. 204 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,640 I've had a basinful. 205 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,320 How interesting that fine art should be the sujet du jour, 206 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:11,080 because I happen to have this rather glorious picture of a horsey. 207 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,960 < LAUGHTER 208 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:16,040 Will you please go out there 209 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,960 and tell your uncle I wish to speak to him at once? 210 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,240 Damn right. 211 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,280 We need to talk. 212 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,480 Oh, phooey. 213 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:42,600 I refuse to discuss...miss you with the likes of...Polk. 214 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,440 No intention of discussing the female 215 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,680 I plan to cart orf from this dump. 216 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,240 I'm talking about art. 217 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,960 Ha! Art. 218 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:58,720 Scarcely a subject for this turpentine community. 219 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,680 No. Philistine community. 220 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,680 My boy. 221 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:14,040 Aunt Constance would like... 222 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,680 Aunts can wait. What about this dismal crasher Didcot? 223 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,840 We can't have him bellowing about the place, terrorising your father. 224 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,520 I ask this rhetorically, for I already have the answer. 225 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,120 What do we do? 226 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,880 Leave Miss Polk alone. 227 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,400 My dear boy, I believe you hold a torch for her. 228 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,720 Excellent! I salute your taste and judgment. 229 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,080 It makes it even simpler for us to have our cake and lie in it. 230 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,040 Freddie, do you trust me 231 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,680 - to take charge of your sentimental education? - Hmm... 232 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,840 This is the bit where you say, "Yes, uncle." 233 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,200 Yes, uncle. 234 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,680 - Good, here's the plan. Hannibal must propose to Vanessa, tonight. - Mmm... 235 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:54,040 Don't moo at me - I didn't say marry. I said propose. 236 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,160 The formal offer is all. 237 00:12:56,160 --> 00:13:00,680 To this end you must make love to Vanessa yourself, assiduously 238 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:05,320 and publicly. Right under the twitching nostrils of your aunt. 239 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,480 Go to it. 240 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,080 Right! 241 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,840 Ah... Connie, 242 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,720 have you seen Miss erm... 243 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,680 Ah, there she is. 244 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:20,920 With Frederick. They're getting on like a horse on fire. 245 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:24,600 House. And it is a conflagration you must stamp out. 246 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:28,280 The whole point of the match was that it should be with Lord Didcot. 247 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:32,120 That is all very modern and I dare say commendably open-minded, 248 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,440 but on Frederick's behalf... 249 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:35,760 Give me strength. 250 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:38,240 I am not suggesting that Freddie should marry Hannibal. 251 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:39,880 I'm glad you've reconsidered. 252 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,960 What if there'd been a daughter? She might have had a moustache 253 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,520 and a big roary voice going ugh-ugh-ugh... 254 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,360 You just break it up. 255 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,800 Hannibal, I did not make myself clear. 256 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,320 It is imperative that you marry Miss Polk. 257 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,760 You will find the arrangement agreeable and convenient, 258 00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,520 and it will make you less choleric. 259 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,160 I'm not choleric. 260 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,800 I'm famous for my ruddy sunny disposition. 261 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,000 Damn and blast you, woman! 262 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,720 < LAUGHTER 263 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,480 Oh, Lord, he's useless! 264 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,720 Listen to me, Hannibal. 265 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,440 I want you to go out there and stop this conversation. 266 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:13,880 What conversation? 267 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:17,200 What? 268 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,360 Potty as a hatful of pixies. 269 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,800 You want to know something on the QT about Calypso? 270 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,600 Do I know a cutie called Calypso? 271 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,440 Er... 272 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,640 Aha, Miss Polk. 273 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,440 There you are. 274 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:47,640 Thought you might care to take a stroll. 275 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:53,000 The park here is pretty tawdry compared to mine. 276 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,480 Didcot, Miss Polk is working. 277 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,480 And I call that a damned indignity. 278 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:02,840 Totty like her didn't ought to have to work. 279 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:08,560 God's ruddy trousers, Emsworth, Blandings is a temple to barbarity. 280 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,360 And when are you going to cough up my 50 quid? 281 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,480 Just pay him, Clarence. Just pay him. This whole ghastly rigmarole 282 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,560 is making me bilious. Get your cheque book. 283 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,880 Connie. 284 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,680 Where is Beach? 285 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,400 Climping. 286 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,480 Well, well. Does he climp, or is he... 287 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,000 being climped? 288 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,040 - He's on holiday. - Oh. 289 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:40,320 Lord Emsworth, we were speaking earlier about the painting in the... 290 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,880 So, my dear, eh? 291 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,680 HE CHUCKLES 292 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:45,800 Argh! 293 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,400 Oh. I'm so sorry. 294 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:53,080 I seem to have stuck my fork into your hand. 295 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:57,400 Idiot. Can't even squeeze a girl's knee under the table... 296 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,240 Oh! 297 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,840 Ooh! 298 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,760 A gift from me to you. 299 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,120 How do you do that? 300 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,000 A trick I picked up in the Kalahari. 301 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,760 - An establishment on Dover Street. - Ah. 302 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:17,680 You and I, young man. We share an interest. 303 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,400 Not her, you imbecile. The horse. 304 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,520 How much do you want for it? 305 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,520 I'll give you half that. 306 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,520 Connie? Connie, can we speak? 307 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,080 Yes, of course. As long as it's not about art. 308 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,440 The whole subject brings me out in hives. 309 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:37,200 Talk to me, then. Talk to me about anything. Hives. Bees. 310 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,400 I once had a bumblebee in a matchbox. 311 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,080 I called him Hammy. I'd always wanted a hamster, you see. 312 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,440 You have such beautiful eyes. 313 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,560 I am going to bathe my temples with eau de Cologne. 314 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:06,280 Miss Polk must marry Batey Didcot. I entirely agree. 315 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,720 You're scheming. Why? 316 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,120 Hannibal has become intolerable. Have you established 317 00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:13,680 whether or not the old warthog actually wants to marry her? 318 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,480 I'm certain of it. 319 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,240 So am I. But he's too self-obsessed, crass and idle to ask. 320 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,600 He should trust to the pen. 321 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,080 Your pen. 322 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,600 KNOCK ON DOOR 323 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,160 Darling. 324 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,760 Oh, my God! 325 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:40,560 If you think you can beat me down with that kind of pansy flimflam, 326 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,640 then you're savagely mistaken. 327 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,720 I'll give you 300 for the piece, take it or leave it. 328 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:51,360 Didcot, I cannot permit you to describe my beloved as a piece. 329 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:55,400 I'm talking about the ruddy horse, you snivelling amoeba. 330 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,800 I see we are at cross porpoises... purposes... 331 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:02,760 Just shut up and listen. 300. Cash. 332 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:06,920 Damn and blast you, man - concentrate! Stop thinking about 333 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:11,240 the wretched American girl, she's out of your puny league. 334 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:15,640 We shall discover, Didcot, whose leg is puny. 335 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,080 KNOCK ON DOOR 336 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,760 Now look here, you ruddy beef-faced walrus... 337 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,400 Ah, Beach! Oh... 338 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:36,920 Now, listen to me. 339 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,880 I want you to get Hannibal and bring him to my room, now. 340 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,880 Constance. There are limits. 341 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:46,040 - Oh, for heaven's sakes, you're such a booby! - I can't allow... 342 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:50,560 Stop speaking. I cannot, with propriety, possibly go to his room. 343 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,560 You must bring him to mine. I need to dictate to him. 344 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,880 SNORING 345 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,800 Didcot? Erm... 346 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,560 Just a minute... 347 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,320 Didcot... 348 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,480 I...er... 349 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,000 Sorry... 350 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,720 Oh, dear... 351 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:26,880 - Sorry, so clumsy... - CLANKING 352 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,360 Ah, this looks promising... 353 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,760 Didcot, are you in here? 354 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,440 ARRGGH! 355 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,200 Where are you, you filthy sewer? 356 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,920 Ah, Didcot, there you are. 357 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,840 Anything you need? 358 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,640 What I need, Emsworth, 359 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,840 is for you to stop acting the goat in my bathroom. How Connie manages... 360 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:50,800 Connie! Yes, yes. 361 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:54,880 - She wishes to lord it over you, in her bedroom. - What?! 362 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,440 Not the precise phrase, but she wishes to talk to you. Hmm? 363 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,560 When you've finished with that poker 364 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:06,800 would you return it to the drawing room? There's a good fellow. 365 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,560 Nighty-night. Yes. 366 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,640 Gute nacht. Bonne nuit. 367 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,000 Now, Hannibal, I am concerned. 368 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,200 You lay siege to Vanessa in entirely the wrong way. 369 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,320 You make no progress whatsoever. 370 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,240 I want you to write a letter, proposing marriage. 371 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,280 What foaming lunacy is this? I've never written a letter in m'life. 372 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,960 For once, you will do as you are told. Now sit. 373 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,400 Paper. Pen. 374 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,400 Write thus. 375 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,000 "My darling angel..." 376 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,160 Oh, this is bilge. 377 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,520 WRITE IT. 378 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,240 Priceless. Priceless. 379 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,000 Claude. Claude. Come here. 380 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,800 Her ladyship has roused you from her bed. 381 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,560 You will find that she wishes you to give a letter to Miss Polk. 382 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,080 I will relieve you of the burden of this mission. 383 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,080 Just give the letter to me. 384 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,880 I think you may have dropped ten shillings. 385 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,320 Good man. 386 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,000 Any other business... 387 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,120 Angel, I can barely stand... 388 00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:32,080 500. My last, final offer. 389 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:35,960 You drive a hard bargain, Threepwood, and I admire you for it. 390 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,200 But if you don't give me the horse, I'm going to smash your face in. 391 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,960 Oh...I shall get it directly. It's in the bin. 392 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,440 What's in the bin? 393 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,840 Nothing. You confuse me, Didcot, with this talk of bins. 394 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,080 Return to your room and I shall retrieve the horsey 395 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,280 from the very special place I wedged it. Left it. 396 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,120 - Claude, well done. Splendid fellow. - What? 397 00:21:55,120 --> 00:22:00,200 Nephew. Is your tender soul ready for part two of your education? 398 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,320 Er... Which was the first? 399 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,000 Freddie! 400 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:25,400 It is a far, far... thing...that I do. 401 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,640 I shall do it better. 402 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,720 You do it pretty well already, honey. 403 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:35,640 Right. 404 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,360 Oh! 405 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,680 One horsey. 406 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,080 And er... 407 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,720 We agreed 500 big ones, I believe? 408 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:06,200 HE CHUCKLES 409 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,720 Ha! 410 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,960 Now, Didcot, attend me well. 411 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,400 I am in possession of your letter to Miss Polk. 412 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,960 And I happen to know she is not a millionaire's daughter. 413 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,520 She is an impostress. Impostrix. 414 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:24,960 She is penniless. 415 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:30,480 But, naturally, you will honour your written offer of marriage? 416 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,800 Bring me a poker. 417 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,240 I shall not. 418 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:41,560 I want to drag out your intestines like spaghetti. 419 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,800 What you want, Didcot, 420 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:49,040 and what you get, are two mutually extruding elephants. 421 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:53,080 Now, if you don't marry Miss Polk, you'll be in breach of promise 422 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:56,680 and vilified as an utter stoat. 423 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,720 My advice to you, therefore, is to pay the lady off. 424 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:05,320 I am content to broker the transaction. And I recommend cash. 425 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:11,200 The sum of 500 has a familiar weight. 426 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,720 HE GROWLS 427 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,720 ROARING 428 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,800 Sotheby's. NOW! 429 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,360 What's the haul? 430 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:56,760 lbs1,000. 431 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,720 Tippety-top! I tick your paper and mark it alpha plus. 432 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,080 - Now shall I help you with the arithmetic? - Oh, please. 433 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,840 100 quid to Catsmeat. Ten bob for me. 434 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,320 That leaves lbs899.10. 435 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:10,160 - How much has your father been subbing you over the years? - Oh... 436 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:11,840 Call it 500. 437 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:13,320 I want you to go and give it to him. 438 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,040 Now, the rest you must blow on Vanessa. 439 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,240 Whisk her back to London and buy her a slap-up dinner 440 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,400 and dance at the Pink Pussy, every night this week. 441 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,600 - Uncle Gally... - Yes? 442 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,360 When I grow up, can I be like you? 443 00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:26,840 Who knows, my boy? We can but guide you thither. 444 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:28,840 If the sun shines on you in youth, 445 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,760 you grow up knowing it's been put there for that express purpose. 446 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,280 Ah... 447 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:38,880 Ah! Guv'nor! 448 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:39,920 Right... 449 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:42,880 Brace yourself. 450 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,760 Something very extraordinary is about to happen. 451 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:48,480 Guv? 452 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,720 Am I hallucinating, or did you just come to my bedroom 453 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,640 and give me a vast amount of money? 454 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:05,920 Guv'nor, I did. 455 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:09,120 - Are you sure it wasn't the other way around? - No, no. 456 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:12,040 How extraordinary. 457 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,760 Oh! Vanessa, good morning. 458 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,960 I trust you slept after the disturbances of the evening. 459 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,920 Oh, I slept like a hairy bear. 460 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:28,200 You weren't...disturbed again? 461 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,960 By someone delivering a letter? 462 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,120 Morning. 463 00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:34,040 Whatever has gone wrong, Galahad, I blame you. 464 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,160 Perfectly reasonable and entirely expected. Now hear this. 465 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,960 Vanessa, if you have beans, spill 'em now. 466 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:47,200 Very well. Freddie. That small picture in oils of a horse. 467 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,000 Oh, Lord, don't say you want it. 468 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,800 I just flogged it to Hannibal for 500 quid. 469 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,200 - What?! - I never wanted it. 470 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,920 I knew when I painted it the other day that it was garbage. 471 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,400 That's why I threw it in a trash can in Green Park. 472 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,240 That IS where you found it? 473 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:04,600 - Outstanding! But this is the good bit. Clarence. - What? 474 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:09,320 The picture of Calypso, sir. It's by Agnolo di Cosimo. 475 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:10,680 Cozzy who? 476 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,400 The painter generally known as Bronzino. 477 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,560 Oh, I've got a Bronzino! 478 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,800 Chubby girl, lolling about on a lilo. Do you know it, Connie? 479 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,040 Oh, God. 480 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:24,840 Yes, Lord Emsworth. It's worth a very great deal of money indeed. 481 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,640 Well, I never. 482 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:30,520 On the subject of money. I have to come clean. 483 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:36,000 I am not JB Polk's daughter. I am not a millionairess. 484 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,160 Fact is... I'm pretty much a bum. 485 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:44,040 Not entirely sure that word translates. Bum. 486 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,120 Clarence. Here is the situation. 487 00:27:46,120 --> 00:27:49,240 Hannibal paid a fortune for a pile of codswallop - 488 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,760 no offence, Vanessa - and Sotheby's is about to bray in his face. 489 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,400 You, on the other hand, have a nice picture of a roly-poly popsy 490 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:56,760 worth untold gold. 491 00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:01,400 I'd say it's time to burst joy's grape against our palate fine! 492 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,880 Absolutely! Hurrah! Whose grape? 493 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:08,240 - Joy's. - Joy, you are most welcome at Blandings, my dear. 494 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,640 Why, thank you, Lord Emsworth. 495 00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:12,840 I am going to my room. 496 00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,000 Are you, Connie? As you wish. 497 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:16,640 We shall miss you. 498 00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:20,240 Oh, God... 499 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,160 Has anyone seen Beach?