1 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:28,480 ENGINE SPLUTTERS 2 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:29,760 Oh, no! 3 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,280 BELL RINGS 4 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,360 - Beach? - My Lady? 5 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,160 Frederick?! 6 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,920 FREDERICK STUTTERS AND STAMMERS 7 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,600 CONSTANCE CLEARS HER THROAT 8 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:19,960 FREDERICK WHIMPERS 9 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,800 Aunt, please, I have a bit of a head. 10 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,040 God knows, you don't have to tell me that! 11 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,440 If you wish to retain what little you have left of it, 12 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,840 explain the truncated trousers. 13 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:34,240 Yeah. Well, I thought, I might run faster. 14 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,600 Than what? 15 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,840 Than I would if my trousers were the usual length. 16 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,400 It was a wager, you see. 17 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,800 - Oh! - Catsmeat ordered this great jug of Rigor Mortis, and I... 18 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,880 - Drank it all. - No, no, no! Not all of it! 19 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,080 Good grief! Most of it. Oh. 20 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,880 I shouldn't wish you to think that I'm neglecting you. 21 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:02,200 But out of season, there is still combat to be had with Stinker! 22 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,640 So, please...please excuse me. 23 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,840 Clarence! 24 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,680 I can stand it no longer! 25 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:12,240 Freddie must be married! 26 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,200 There is no other lawful way to dispose of him! 27 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,040 I have selected Felicity Parsloe-Parsloe. 28 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:21,440 And I have rung Sir Gregory to discuss the matter... 29 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,640 It's like a pantomime! 30 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:30,240 I mention the word Parsloe, and he vanishes! 31 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:44,000 Hey! Why the long face? 32 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,720 Oh, is it? 33 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:50,080 Oh, no, no, I couldn't... possibly bore you with all that. 34 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:51,880 Bet you could if you tried? 35 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:56,040 Well, it was a fairly orthodox knees-up at the Pink Pussy. 36 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,680 Cocktails were ingested. 37 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,240 Oofy bet me 50 quid I couldn't do the 100-yard dash 38 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,760 - in under 12 seconds. - And you couldn't? 39 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:05,360 Not with a duck-billed platypus jammed down my trousers, no. 40 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,960 That was an intrinsic part of the wager. The platypus. 41 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,760 I thought I could do it by streamlining the leggings, 42 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:17,320 but two seconds into the race, the ruddy beak came off. 43 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,920 - Which was pretty disconcerting. - Not least for the platypus! 44 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,960 Oh, no, he was stuffed. As am I. 45 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,800 Ah, Guv'nor. This is, erm... 46 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:29,720 Niagara Donaldson. I generally answer to Aggie. 47 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:32,480 No, no, no good, can't get that at all. 48 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:36,080 Niagara. Like the big waterfall. 49 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:39,320 Heavens! That must have caused raised eyebrows around the font. 50 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,400 - My father's American. - Well, somebody has to be. 51 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,520 This is all very stimulating, but I fear I have other business. 52 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,120 Please forgive me. 53 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:50,480 Stuffed? 54 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:55,360 Oh, yes...Oofy's after me for 150 quid. 55 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,600 Harvest festival, McAllister! 56 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:03,520 Ah... 57 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,480 Is she bigger than Sir Gregory's, do you think? 58 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:11,240 Sir Grigory's gourd'll be a mickle sproogy bairn compared to hir. 59 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:14,560 I named hir Desdemona. 60 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,760 Yer dinnae thunk the name improper? 61 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,000 Good Lord, no! Hah! 62 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,880 I just met a charming young woman, named after a natural wonder. 63 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,080 Cheops... No, that was man-made. Erm... 64 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,200 - Niagara? - No, no, something more exotic. Stromboli. 65 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,200 Hello, everyone! 66 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:35,400 - My, that pumpkin! She's really bonny. - Isn't she? 67 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:39,160 Guaranteed to kick Stinker into a cocked hat, wouldn't you say? 68 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:40,680 I would. 69 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:45,360 I'll counsel ye nae to be over-familiar wi' his Lordshup, hen. 70 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,200 And beware the bairn-faced loon. 71 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:58,360 So, you are enjoying the university, Miss Parsloe-Parsloe? 72 00:04:58,360 --> 00:04:59,880 Yup. 73 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,680 Fascinating. 74 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,680 Felicity, lovely gardens here at Blandings. 75 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,160 Why not take a squint? 76 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,640 Yup. 77 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,000 CLOCK CHIMES 78 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,800 - Charming girl. - Can we not beat about the bush? 79 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,240 You reckon there's a match to be made. Your nephew, my niece. 80 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,280 - Mm-hm. - Fact is, Constance, your nephew couldn't find his backside 81 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:25,800 with an illustrated guidebook! 82 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,160 Your niece is unusual. 83 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:29,880 Damned attractive. 84 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,920 To other unusual girls, possibly. 85 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,800 CONSTANCE SIGHS 86 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,880 I'll put up with yours, Sir Gregory, if you'll put up with mine. 87 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:43,120 In that case, I have terms. 88 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,560 - Name them. - Emsworth! 89 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:49,080 This silly rivalry he insists on perpetuating! 90 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,720 Pigs. Pumpkins. It's got to stop. 91 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,960 I wish to enter such competitions unchallenged by your brother. 92 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,720 Harvest Festival and so on. 93 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:03,280 I want to win! 94 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:06,880 I shall leave Felicity here for the rest of the day. 95 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,640 Yes, please do. 96 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,320 I'm sure all this can be arranged to our mutual satisfaction, 97 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,640 without difficulty. 98 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,520 Good afternoon. 99 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,560 No difficulty at all. 100 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:28,400 LAUGHTER 101 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,400 Beach! You didn't see me! 102 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,040 Very good, sir. 103 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:43,640 Beach, did you see Mr Frederick? No. 104 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,440 Because he told you that you didn't. 105 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,800 Did he remember to tell you that you also didn't see 106 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,440 the young woman that he was dragging by the hand? 107 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,400 No. So you are at liberty to tell me about her. 108 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:54,640 Who is she? 109 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,800 She is Miss Niagara Donaldson, your Ladyship. 110 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:01,720 Donaldson? Doesn't sound terribly encouraging. 111 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,720 Define Miss Donaldson. 112 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,920 Her uncle is the gardener, McAllister, my Lady. 113 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,080 - Bring me Lord Emsworth. - Yes, your Ladyship. 114 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,760 - Then bring me McAllister. - Yes, your Ladyship. 115 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,080 GREGORY SHOUTS, SURPRISED 116 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:31,160 Can I assist ye, Sir Grigory? 117 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,120 - McAllister, is it not? - Aye... 118 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,600 You know... McAllister, 119 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,520 you should consider coming to work for me. 120 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,360 You might find me more... appreciative. 121 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:48,680 Let me give you my number. Let's see... Ah, yes. 122 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,040 So. 123 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,840 You've writ it on a five-poon note. 124 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:02,240 Really? Oh, yes. 125 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:06,960 Better hang on to it, then. 126 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:15,440 Freddie might well propose to her! 127 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:19,040 God knows, he'd propose to a cushion if it had tassels on it 128 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,280 and succumbed to his vacuous conversation! 129 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:26,320 If McAllister is her uncle, imagine her father! 130 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,520 Do you really want him sitting next to you at dinner, 131 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:31,200 breathing on your cheese, trifling with your cigars 132 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,880 - and gargling your brandy? - Oh... 133 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,840 I shall explain this one last time. 134 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,920 I have identified a highly appropriate girl for Freddie. 135 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,920 Her name is Felicity Par... 136 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,680 Felicity. 137 00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:45,360 Felicity Felicity?! 138 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:48,880 She has acquired at the university 139 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,080 a very interesting personal style... 140 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,640 As long as she doesn't dress like a man and smoke a pipe. 141 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:54,960 KNOCK AT DOOR 142 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:58,440 - McAllister, my Lord. - Remember you are an Emsworth! 143 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,800 Ah, McAllister, there you are! Jolly good! 144 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,840 Her Ladyship... 145 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:08,000 erm...feels... 146 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:13,760 I struggle to describe quite how her Ladyship feels. 147 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,480 - Lovely morning. - Yup. 148 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,240 There is really no gentlemanly way to say this, 149 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,640 so I shall just have to say it. 150 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,280 Everglades. 151 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,840 I know that is not quite correct, but you know of whom I speak. 152 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,320 - Niagara? - Precisely. 153 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,520 McAllister. It has to stop. 154 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,560 What has to stop, my Lord? 155 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:41,120 - The friendship with my son, Frederick. - WHAT?! 156 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,400 You did not know? 157 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:46,360 Oh, my dear fellow, Frederick and Miss Great Lakes. 158 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:47,960 They're sweethearts. 159 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,600 Yon clockwork cretin shall nay lay his fickle finger 160 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:54,160 upon the fragrant person o' ma niece. 161 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,800 I take your point of view. 162 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:59,320 But the fact is, McAllister, Miss Grand Canyon's visit to Blandings 163 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,120 probably has to be curtailed. 164 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,200 She's no' visiting - she's ma tenant. 165 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,920 - I thought she was your niece? - She's ma niece AND ma tenant! 166 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:07,640 She pays me twa poon a week. 167 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,480 Twa poon? Oh, does she? Good heavens! 168 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,600 What if I were to offer you, erm, three poon? 169 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,440 By which I obviously mean four poon. 170 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:20,680 - It is nae the remuneration, my Lord. It is the prunciple. - Oh! 171 00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,120 I warn ye, if there's any further attempt 172 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:27,120 to remove Niagara from my dwelling, I shall resign ma post! 173 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:31,560 My dear fellow, you clearly can't do that. No. Consider Desdemona. 174 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:33,400 Yae consider her! 175 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:39,000 Moreover, if I find yir poonstrick son canoodling with ma niece... 176 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:43,320 I shall suspend him fae rafters like a flutch o' bacon. 177 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,800 Oh! 178 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,320 Who is Desdemona?! 179 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,480 Oh, Connie, do you never pay attention to the names that matter? 180 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,480 She is my PUMPKIN! 181 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:56,760 Directly after my interview with McAllister, 182 00:10:56,760 --> 00:11:01,680 I went to the greenhouse to inspect her, and her skin was wrinkling. 183 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:02,840 CONNIE GROANS 184 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,640 It's like the terrible climax of Ryder Haggard's She in there! 185 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:09,880 Can you not see that alliance with this Niagara Donaldson 186 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,520 - besmirches the honour of the Emsworths? - Oh! 187 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,960 If you are ever to exert even the slightest authority 188 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,160 over this family, you must assist me with Felicity Parsloe-Parsloe! 189 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,680 - For a minute there, I thought you said... - Yes, I did. 190 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,520 In a moment you'll have forgotten, so it is of no consequence. 191 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:27,520 A hallmark, I find, of our general conversation. 192 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,760 Felicity. 193 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,280 Pretty name. 194 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,160 I say, old boy, you haven't seen a corking little redhead 195 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:39,400 - about the place, have you? - Nope. 196 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,640 Threepwood, F. 197 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,680 Parsloe-Parsloe, F. 198 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:48,680 Oh! Ha! 199 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:54,000 - Oh! - You met Felicity. 200 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,280 - Good. - Erm... - Be quiet! - Oh. 201 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,000 All undergraduates are the same. 202 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:01,360 They wear extraordinary clothes and try to unsettle people. 203 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:04,320 She'll grow out of it once she's married. 204 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,400 - To you. - Gah! 205 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,240 You shall consent to this union, Freddie! 206 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:11,680 Would you not die in battle for the honour of the Emsworths? 207 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:12,800 Yes. I would. 208 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,720 Infinitely preferable to a life of sharing the marital toothbrush 209 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,400 with a girl called Parsloe-Parsloe! 210 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,040 Don't talk rot! Marriage is not about sharing anything. 211 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,480 It is about property and succession. 212 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:24,880 FREDDIE WHINES 213 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:28,720 Stop howling like an impaled baboon! Think about your duty! 214 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:32,400 Miss Parsloe-Parsloe, do you need a light for that pipe? 215 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:33,880 CONNIE CHUCKLES 216 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,960 - Glass of port, Mr Frederick? - Er... 217 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,360 Lubricates the brain. 218 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,480 I mean, you've seen the girl, Beach! 219 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,680 She clearly cranks the starter with a motion 220 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,200 that's not factory-approved. 221 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,320 And I'm supposed to ask her to marry me! 222 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,360 Is Miss Donaldson aware of your intention to propose, sir? 223 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,720 No, no! Wrong girl! 224 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:02,280 Aunt C's putting the heavy roller on me to pop the question to... 225 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,200 Beach. 226 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,440 You're a ruddy genius! 227 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,160 Right question. 228 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,440 Wrong girl! 229 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,600 I might have known it! 230 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,240 Erm, hello, erm, Parsloe. 231 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:43,800 I'm taking a very strong line on the protection of my pumpkin, Emsworth. 232 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,120 Trespass again and you'll find yourself in custody. 233 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,120 - What? What? - You've been warned! 234 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,960 Hasn't your sister bothered to speak to you? 235 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,160 - Of course she speaks to me! - So, what do you say, man? Yes or no? 236 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:58,160 Erm... Yes... On the whole... 237 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,320 All right, then. Good. 238 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:04,400 All you need to do, Emsworth, as agreed with Connie, 239 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:09,280 is stop this ruddy nonsense. Eh? Lay down your arms. 240 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,280 CLARENCE MUTTERS 241 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,200 Lay down your pumpkin. 242 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,160 And as for your pig... 243 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,520 wrap her up with a bow and send her round. 244 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:25,920 PARSLOE CHUCKLES 245 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,600 Ah! Erm, Miss Donaldson. 246 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:32,280 We met but a few hours ago and we kissed once. 247 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:35,640 Twice. 248 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,680 Proportionally, that is a 50% increase in our intimacy. 249 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,360 Now, look... 250 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,440 would you mind awfully 251 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,240 anteloping with me? 252 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,200 - Is that a dance? - Erm. There could be dancing. 253 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,760 Oh, you mean will I run away with you and get married? 254 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,640 OK! 255 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,880 Really?! This is fantastic! 256 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,120 Look, I'm pretty strapped for boodle. 257 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,360 Do you have a bit of cash for a couple of train tickets? 258 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:08,240 That's a slightly worrying question, Freddie, but, yes, I do. 259 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,280 Top! Meet you at the pigsty. 260 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,320 How romantic! 261 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,920 150%! Hurrah! 262 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,800 Woo-hoo! 263 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,480 My darkest fear, McAllister, 264 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,360 is that Parsloe's ruddy pumpkin is portlier than mine. 265 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,080 Gah! Yer should fear for yir son. 266 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:46,480 Truffling roond the dainty petticoats of ma niece. I warned ye! 267 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,800 Don't concern yourself with Frederick. He's getting married. 268 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,400 Yes, yes, all settled. To that girl. Peculiar name. 269 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,440 - Niagara? - Very possibly. 270 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,000 And ye endorse this marriage? 271 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,760 I do, McAllister. My dear fellow, it's really no concern of yours. 272 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,640 Let us discuss fertilisers. 273 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:07,120 Lord Emsworth, the situation is untenable. I resign yir employ. 274 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,480 Angus. No, you can't. 275 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,960 What about the silky flesh of Desdemona? 276 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:17,480 You think on it, mun! Ach, I'm awa to pack ma bag. 277 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:25,080 No, no, no. Not Niagula. No. No. 278 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,640 Freddie's marrying the Parsloe girl. 279 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:36,400 But he can't do that. He can't do that! 280 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,960 Clarence? 281 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:49,440 Clarence? I... Whatever are you doing that for? 282 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,880 Always showing off. I suppose it's some sort of bet. 283 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:56,480 - Actually, it's quite simple. I... - Calamitous news! 284 00:16:56,480 --> 00:17:01,160 - What? - McAllister has resigned. I am not quite sure how it happened. 285 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,920 I was... Good gracious. 286 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,440 - Hullo, Guv'nor. - Now, listen to me, Frederick. 287 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,080 You are not to Parsloe Miss Marry. 288 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:10,080 Understood? Anybody but her. 289 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:13,000 Your aunt has a demented ambition to marry you off to some cushion. 290 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,200 Can I marry Miss Donaldson? 291 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,200 Yes. Absolutely. Whoever she is. 292 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,680 - Clarence! - Stop squawking my name like some ruddy 293 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,520 - multicoloured...sits up here... mind your fingers. - Parrot. 294 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:26,160 Thank you. Why are you doing upside down? Don't answer that, no time. 295 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:30,400 Moreover, did you or did you not have some 296 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:35,160 infernal agreement with Stinker about me giving him the Empress? 297 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,840 - I... - I am too angry to listen and to hear you out. 298 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,840 I am going to my room. 299 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:45,560 - So am I. - Well, I said it first, so yah boo sucks and no returnsies. 300 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,520 - Childish. So childish! - Can't hear you. Can't hear you. 301 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:51,280 - You are a child. - Can't hear you. Can't hear you. 302 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,960 I'm not chasing you. I'm not chasing you! 303 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,160 Oh... 304 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,840 Oh. 305 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:04,840 FRANTIC KNOCK ON DOOR 306 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,320 Beach. 307 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:09,520 I've blundered, terribly. I must speak to McAllister. 308 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,080 He left you this note, my Lord, 309 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,200 advising you of his new position. 310 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:25,000 Squeaky thing... Uncomfortable seat... Oil on the trouser cuffs. 311 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,280 Bicycle, my Lord? 312 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:27,640 Quick as you can! 313 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,480 Angus, how could you? 314 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,800 You! You're sacked. Get lost. 315 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,440 Now, McAllister.... 316 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,680 ..have a sticky willy. 317 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,000 Go on, have a large one. 318 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,440 BICYCLE APPROACHES 319 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:54,720 BELL RINGS 320 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,840 - Ah, Constable Piper. - Reporting for duty, sir. 321 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,560 Through the bench, I have been able to secure young Piper 322 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,840 as the pumpkin's personal bodyguard. 323 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,720 HE SIGHS 324 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:15,400 Ah! Ah! Be a good fellow, will you, and cut me down? 325 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,040 Yup. 326 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,120 Oh, God. 327 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,480 Ah, um...Felicity. 328 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:24,800 Yup. 329 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,680 Do you ever say anything that isn't a monosyllable? 330 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,080 Occasionally. 331 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:32,640 Oh! 332 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,920 A little less of a sissy with a bit of colour in your cheeks. 333 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:40,960 My entire bloodstream has congregated in my head. But, look, 334 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,480 I thought you blew the flugelhorn from the speaking end? 335 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,760 Lord, no. Perfectly regular embouchure. 336 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,600 And I know how to work all the valves. 337 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:50,920 HE LAUGHS 338 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,320 When I come home, I drag up like this to ward off 339 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,920 all the ghastly bores my father wants me to marry. 340 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,440 - Well, I'll be... - Careful what you wish for, matey. 341 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,800 Ticky, ticky, ticky! 342 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,120 HE LAUGHS 343 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,560 Oh, no. This is not what it looks like! 344 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,120 You wouldn't hit a chap in glasses, would you? 345 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,680 - Miss Niagara Donaldson? - What about it? 346 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,800 Just checking. I'm going to have a word with your uncle. 347 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,320 Oh... 348 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,760 Oh. 349 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,320 McAllister? 350 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:16,320 Oi! Dismount that apparatus. Are you taking the... 351 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,960 - Get off that bike! - My dear fellow... 352 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,800 Don't you "dear fellow" me, mate. Right. Name. 353 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,320 - My name? - No, granny's name. 354 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,240 - Erm, Rosalind Elspeth. - What's your name?! 355 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:33,280 Lord Emsworth. Erm... Baptised Clarence, 9th Earl. 356 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,480 At school, I was called Fathead. 357 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,000 You're the Earl of Emsworth, are you, sunshine? 358 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,000 I was never called "sunshine". 359 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:43,000 Give up your real name, chummy, or I'm putting the cuffs on you. 360 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,840 He's Lord Emsworth. 361 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,400 Are you saying you'll vouch for this man, sir? 362 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:52,120 I tended his park for 20 year. I'll vouch for the fool. 363 00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:55,360 Right, well, we'll say no more about it. 364 00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:58,760 Oh. He's taking my bicycle. 365 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:01,880 McAllister. 366 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:05,560 Your delightful niece, whose name inevitably escapes me, 367 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,120 she isn't going to marry Frederick. No. No. In fact, 368 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:11,200 she just punched him in the face, so, you see, it's all wonderful. 369 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,920 You can come back! 370 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,040 I took Sir Grigory's stucky wully. 371 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:17,840 Did it touch your lips? 372 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,280 It did not. 373 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:23,560 Well, I am sure we may consider you untainted. 374 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,160 Angus, what do you say? 375 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:31,760 Desdemona, there's still time to present her to the festival. 376 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:37,520 Ah! Oh, good gracious. My dear fellow, oh, oh, 377 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,840 you are one in a million. Oh, yes! 378 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:54,680 Between the two of us, we could make a very passable panda bear. 379 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,160 I don't suppose you want to get married, do you, 380 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:04,800 and all that sort of rot? 381 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,560 Perfectly ghastly prospect for all concerned. 382 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,720 But it seems to be required. 383 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:17,840 So, hold the nose and think of England? 384 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,160 Do you feel up to it? 385 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:20,760 Yup. 386 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:25,840 - "Yup"? Is that your monosyllable of choice? - Yup. - Yup. 387 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:31,320 Well, so be it. Jolly old bombs away. 388 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,840 - Should we kiss... - I don't think that's necessary. - No. 389 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,880 There could be tickling, though. 390 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,040 Ticky. Ticky. 391 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,760 Ticky, ticky, ticky, ticky! 392 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,120 THEY LAUGH 393 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,400 Ah! Beach. 394 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:18,960 Advance warning. We may be preparing the castle for an event. 395 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,680 A marquee may be required. What? 396 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,560 I did not speak, your Ladyship. 397 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,000 And I heard you not doing it. Out with it. 398 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:32,360 I was...perusing Society Spice, your Ladyship, and I encountered 399 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:36,840 some intelligence which I felt obliged to confide in Lord Emsworth. 400 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:40,920 I am uncertain if he has grasped the significance of it. 401 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:42,680 All right, Beach! Orf you go! 402 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,240 I am in command of the information! 403 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,920 I have rectified everything. 404 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,400 I have re-engaged McAllister. 405 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,920 Moreover, Beach has found out the queerest thing. 406 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:59,920 Nicaragua is the sole heiress of Hiram K Donaldson, 407 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,600 "The Biscuit King". 408 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:05,080 Yes. She stands to inherit millions of dollars. 409 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:09,360 Isn't that extraordinary? In fact, there she is now. 410 00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:12,560 Going for a walk with some sort of suitcase. 411 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,200 Do you want a bit and all, Jimmy? 412 00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,800 Harvest Festival in an hour. 413 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,400 Thought I'd come and collect Emsworth's pumpkin, 414 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,160 as I'm entering it for competition, with my own. 415 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:34,000 They're both my own, de facto. 416 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,880 We also must fix surrender of the pig. 417 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,280 FREDDIE LAUGHS 418 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:41,240 Yes... Um... 419 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:48,320 Felicity, you're amusing but extremely strange. 420 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,360 You shall not marry Freddie. 421 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,600 Clarence, you're an imbecile, 422 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:55,880 but I love you. 423 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:57,680 - Too kind. - Be quiet. 424 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:01,760 I shall not see you parted from your pumpkin or your pig. 425 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,400 Constance, think what you're doing! 426 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:09,120 No other man of rank will consent to the burden of Freddie Threepwood. 427 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:12,040 Damn it, woman, we had a deal! 428 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,720 Sir Gregory, you're an old friend that I like and admire, 429 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,360 but I wouldn't trust you as far as I could spit a weasel. 430 00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:19,480 - Hurrah for Aunt C! - Be quiet. Freddie. 431 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,840 Emsworths all, 432 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,520 back to the house. 433 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,640 Ha! Ha ha ha! 434 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,000 Beach, did you find a jug? 435 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,480 Aha! 436 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,080 Right! Now, the secret of a really stiff Rigor Mortis 437 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,400 is plenty of yellow Chartreuse. 438 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,160 Angus! Angus! Oh, my dear fellow! 439 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:49,280 Good heavens. First prize, Desdemona! First prize! 440 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:50,880 Hurrah! 441 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:52,520 Here you are, Beach. 442 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:56,120 This'll put lead in your little propelling pencil. McAllister? 443 00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:59,640 Please apologise to your niece for my allowing my face 444 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,480 to get in the way of her fist. 445 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:05,120 If she returns to Blandings, I'd like to see her again. 446 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,160 SHE GULPS 447 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:09,320 Please? 448 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,080 Freddie? 449 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,880 You know that trouser business? How much do you owe? 450 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:30,440 - Oh, erm... - Doesn't matter, just get my chequebook. In fact, no, wait. 451 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,400 You know those silly songs 452 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,560 - that you always play that irritate me so much? - Mm. 453 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,080 Will you play one now? 454 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:47,920 # Here am I, going quietly bonkers 455 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:49,880 # And cos why 456 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,520 # I'm dreaming of you 457 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,000 # Well, love's no joke 458 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,920 # When either is a bloke like me 459 00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,400 # A-goin' quietly bonkers 460 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,720 - ALL: - # Love, they said Heavens above, they said 461 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,600 # It's a heaven an' all 462 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,840 # Well, if this is what they call heaven 463 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,800 # For the love of Mike 464 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,400 # What's the other place like? # 465 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,240 Do you know what I call this, Connie? 466 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:14,520 Capital? 467 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,400 I call it capital. 468 00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:21,960 # The way things are I feel a proper Charlie 469 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,800 # Till I know that you 470 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,800 # Are going quietly bonkers 471 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,360 # Going quietly bonkers 472 00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:30,880 # Going quietly bonkers too. #