1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,520 (sirens and upbeat music) 2 00:00:13,008 --> 00:00:15,028 - You have one tiny job, Spencer. 3 00:00:15,128 --> 00:00:17,308 Restock the ambulances. 4 00:00:17,407 --> 00:00:19,227 Gary is not your bloody assistant. 5 00:00:19,327 --> 00:00:20,267 - Oh, no, no. 6 00:00:20,367 --> 00:00:21,107 - My main character energy 7 00:00:21,206 --> 00:00:22,346 is feeling very attacked right now. 8 00:00:22,446 --> 00:00:24,146 Oh, you'll know when I'm attacking you, son. 9 00:00:24,246 --> 00:00:25,906 I am a size eight, steel-cap boot 10 00:00:26,005 --> 00:00:27,945 for rearranging your vital organs. 11 00:00:28,045 --> 00:00:29,175 I'd rather deep fry my tits 12 00:00:29,284 --> 00:00:30,904 than have this useless bastard in the depot. 13 00:00:31,004 --> 00:00:32,624 Take him on a ride along, part of his training. 14 00:00:32,724 --> 00:00:33,484 - What do you mean, ride along training? 15 00:00:33,563 --> 00:00:34,343 That's not even a real thing. 16 00:00:34,443 --> 00:00:35,183 - Get him out of the depot 17 00:00:35,283 --> 00:00:38,063 before I punch him directly in the throat. 18 00:00:38,162 --> 00:00:40,462 - That does sound like a real thing. 19 00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:43,122 (upbeat music) 20 00:00:59,437 --> 00:01:01,797 - I'm the only one who signs you off. 21 00:01:02,716 --> 00:01:03,536 - Bang, bang! 22 00:01:03,636 --> 00:01:05,636 - Fuck!? 23 00:01:06,195 --> 00:01:08,195 - Loz, I'm on a call. 24 00:01:09,715 --> 00:01:11,205 - Perhaps I should've used a silencer. 25 00:01:11,314 --> 00:01:13,794 - Makes no difference, I've got hearing like an owl. 26 00:01:14,793 --> 00:01:16,993 - Parents evening with June and the kid tonight. 27 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:21,453 (vocalises suspenseful music) 28 00:01:21,552 --> 00:01:23,972 Yeah, I might wear a tie. 29 00:01:24,071 --> 00:01:25,051 - Okay. 30 00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:27,151 - With windmills on it. 31 00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:30,530 Let me guess you think that's a big fat red flag, yeah? 32 00:01:30,630 --> 00:01:32,850 - Er, I think all ties are a big fat red flag, Loz. 33 00:01:32,949 --> 00:01:34,089 - I meant the parents evening. 34 00:01:34,189 --> 00:01:36,789 - Err, no, sounds like you're in deep. 35 00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:39,368 Good. 36 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,287 - Too deep, yeah? 37 00:01:41,387 --> 00:01:43,687 Get your arm bands on, you tuna melt. 38 00:01:43,786 --> 00:01:45,786 Loz is drowning in commitment. 39 00:01:46,986 --> 00:01:49,926 - Happy for you and, what's her name, June. 40 00:01:50,025 --> 00:01:51,245 - Really? - Yeah. 41 00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:52,075 - Weird. 42 00:01:52,184 --> 00:01:53,324 You said, when she got me that watch, 43 00:01:53,424 --> 00:01:55,444 you said she was handcuffing me into the afterlife. 44 00:01:55,544 --> 00:01:57,544 - Just banter, mate. 45 00:01:58,783 --> 00:01:59,723 - Parents evening. 46 00:01:59,822 --> 00:02:00,922 What's next, Loz? 47 00:02:01,022 --> 00:02:03,762 You're gonna get the kid's name tattooed on your forehead? 48 00:02:03,861 --> 00:02:05,521 - Okay, that impression of me, 49 00:02:05,621 --> 00:02:07,161 drop it before I drop you. 50 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,261 - Fair enough. 51 00:02:09,700 --> 00:02:11,700 - Oi! 52 00:02:12,339 --> 00:02:14,359 Bell-end of the year. 53 00:02:14,459 --> 00:02:16,159 You've been signing off my staff. 54 00:02:16,258 --> 00:02:18,398 - You know, I had a dream last night 55 00:02:18,498 --> 00:02:20,358 that we had a normal conversation. 56 00:02:20,457 --> 00:02:21,877 Hi, how are you sort stuff. 57 00:02:21,977 --> 00:02:24,077 It was so nice. 58 00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:25,357 But, yes, yes. 59 00:02:25,456 --> 00:02:27,236 Those members of staff I signed off 60 00:02:27,336 --> 00:02:28,516 were completely burnt out. 61 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:29,355 - Yeah? 62 00:02:29,455 --> 00:02:31,755 That's how I feel after every conversation with you, George. 63 00:02:31,855 --> 00:02:33,985 - Do you need me to sign you off as well? 64 00:02:34,094 --> 00:02:35,314 - I know you can't relate, 65 00:02:35,414 --> 00:02:36,834 but my staff have an important job 66 00:02:36,933 --> 00:02:38,753 and you cannot be signing them off willy nilly 67 00:02:38,853 --> 00:02:40,353 because they have a headache. 68 00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:41,793 - But I can sign them off. 69 00:02:41,892 --> 00:02:43,892 And I will, if I have to, Jo. 70 00:02:45,171 --> 00:02:46,631 Have a lovely day. 71 00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,331 (upbeat music) 72 00:02:55,729 --> 00:02:57,309 - Can I drive the ambulance? 73 00:02:57,409 --> 00:02:58,909 - You don't have a licence, babe. 74 00:02:59,008 --> 00:03:00,308 You failed your test, remember? 75 00:03:00,408 --> 00:03:01,208 - Yeah, and we all know why that is. 76 00:03:01,288 --> 00:03:03,508 Because I feel anxious when I'm being judged. 77 00:03:03,607 --> 00:03:06,547 - Well with respect, duck, he was the examiner. 78 00:03:06,646 --> 00:03:07,866 - Four five one papa kilo. 79 00:03:07,966 --> 00:03:10,106 Cat two, welfare check. 80 00:03:10,205 --> 00:03:10,945 - Copy that. 81 00:03:11,045 --> 00:03:11,785 (siren) 82 00:03:11,885 --> 00:03:12,625 - Ah, ahh, no! 83 00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:13,785 No, sorry, can we not. 84 00:03:13,885 --> 00:03:15,055 That's so annoying. - Oi! 85 00:03:15,164 --> 00:03:17,344 Never ever touch my sirens again. 86 00:03:17,444 --> 00:03:19,444 Yeah, certain men have died for less. 87 00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:21,823 (siren) - Ah, ahh, no! 88 00:03:21,923 --> 00:03:23,063 No, I hate it, sorry. 89 00:03:23,162 --> 00:03:24,182 - Spencer, keep ramping with me. 90 00:03:24,282 --> 00:03:25,422 I'll just ban you from South forever. 91 00:03:25,522 --> 00:03:27,622 - How about, to keep the peace 92 00:03:27,721 --> 00:03:31,021 between my two favourite mandems, we have them off? 93 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,340 We skip through the traffic with the lights alone? 94 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,260 - Wendy, I know how to make noodles in a kettle. 95 00:03:35,359 --> 00:03:37,939 I'm not scared to go prison for deading your son. 96 00:03:38,039 --> 00:03:38,779 (siren) - Oh! 97 00:03:38,878 --> 00:03:39,978 Okay. 98 00:03:40,078 --> 00:03:42,218 ♪ You're gonna make me, make me love you. ♪ 99 00:03:42,318 --> 00:03:43,898 ♪ Nothing at all. ♪ - Shut up! 100 00:03:43,997 --> 00:03:48,157 ♪ (upbeat music) ♪ 101 00:03:52,715 --> 00:03:55,215 - That's nice, that's good. - Yeah. 102 00:03:55,315 --> 00:03:57,125 - Sorry to hear about your bracelet. 103 00:03:57,234 --> 00:03:58,094 I've lost things. 104 00:03:58,194 --> 00:03:58,934 - Yeah, we made them. 105 00:03:59,034 --> 00:04:00,174 They keep us together. 106 00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:01,213 - And what was it that you lost? 107 00:04:01,313 --> 00:04:03,333 Maybe we could help you look. 108 00:04:03,433 --> 00:04:05,933 - Karen, my wife. 109 00:04:06,032 --> 00:04:07,172 But at least you never have to say goodbye 110 00:04:07,272 --> 00:04:09,412 to lost things twice. 111 00:04:09,511 --> 00:04:11,511 Remember that. 112 00:04:13,150 --> 00:04:15,150 - I know where she is. She's in the cemetery. 113 00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,549 (upbeat music) 114 00:04:23,948 --> 00:04:25,288 - Give me that. 115 00:04:25,387 --> 00:04:26,567 - A word of advice. 116 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:27,847 How about you actually thank the people 117 00:04:27,947 --> 00:04:29,807 that peeled him off the pavement and saved his life. 118 00:04:29,906 --> 00:04:31,126 - I'll drink that patient's bed pen 119 00:04:31,226 --> 00:04:33,706 before I thank you for doing what you're paid to do. 120 00:04:36,465 --> 00:04:38,915 - I'll choke Merry Seacole the fuck out. 121 00:04:39,024 --> 00:04:40,364 - Keep me out of this. 122 00:04:40,464 --> 00:04:42,524 There are only two things I'm scared of in this world. 123 00:04:42,623 --> 00:04:45,243 Nurses and, no, actually just nurses. 124 00:04:45,342 --> 00:04:49,022 - Gary, my dead Nan has more testosterone than you. 125 00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,721 - Whoa. 126 00:04:52,821 --> 00:04:55,721 - Luxury coffee, those little jelly beans. 127 00:04:55,820 --> 00:04:58,600 No one gives paramedics diddly squat. 128 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,639 Oh no, Gary. 129 00:05:00,739 --> 00:05:01,639 Yes, Gary. 130 00:05:01,738 --> 00:05:03,438 Put them back. 131 00:05:03,538 --> 00:05:04,798 - All right, Gollum, chill. 132 00:05:04,898 --> 00:05:07,318 Nurses are like one step up from GP receptionist. 133 00:05:07,417 --> 00:05:08,517 They do not deserve all this. 134 00:05:08,617 --> 00:05:13,397 - Kareshma, you cannot say nurses don't deserve all this. 135 00:05:13,496 --> 00:05:16,036 - Oh, we don't deserve gifts, do we? 136 00:05:16,135 --> 00:05:16,875 God, no! 137 00:05:16,975 --> 00:05:19,385 You're gonna need God after I finish with you. 138 00:05:19,494 --> 00:05:21,794 You pick the right day to meet the wrong nurse. 139 00:05:21,894 --> 00:05:23,394 - Couldn't you be the right nurse on the right day? 140 00:05:23,493 --> 00:05:27,753 - Fine, you picked the right nurse on the wrong day for you. 141 00:05:27,852 --> 00:05:29,672 A stormy Tuesday. 142 00:05:29,772 --> 00:05:32,552 - Look, there's been some terrible misunderstanding, 143 00:05:32,651 --> 00:05:33,391 um, Bev. 144 00:05:33,491 --> 00:05:35,551 - I'm sick of paramedics like you. 145 00:05:35,650 --> 00:05:37,190 Thinking they're better than us. 146 00:05:37,290 --> 00:05:40,390 Don't forget, you lot are basically just delivery drivers. 147 00:05:40,489 --> 00:05:42,069 - That's a bit steep, don't you think? 148 00:05:42,169 --> 00:05:44,389 Look, I'm gonna get my tea and get out of your hair. 149 00:05:44,488 --> 00:05:45,868 - I think not. 150 00:05:45,968 --> 00:05:47,988 Us nurses, we connect with our patients. 151 00:05:48,087 --> 00:05:49,107 That's why we get gifts. 152 00:05:49,207 --> 00:05:51,067 You barely even know if they're male or female. 153 00:05:51,166 --> 00:05:52,266 - Objection! 154 00:05:52,366 --> 00:05:53,506 That is a big fat lie. 155 00:05:53,606 --> 00:05:55,546 - Oh, is that right? 156 00:05:55,645 --> 00:05:57,945 (sniffs) 157 00:05:58,045 --> 00:06:00,095 Don't fuck with me. 158 00:06:00,204 --> 00:06:01,344 I can smell your fear. 159 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,504 And you're being seconds away 160 00:06:02,604 --> 00:06:05,024 from pissing your tight little y-fronts. 161 00:06:05,123 --> 00:06:06,783 - I'm wearing a hybrid pant, actually. 162 00:06:06,883 --> 00:06:09,463 The length of a boxer, the support of a y-front. 163 00:06:09,562 --> 00:06:11,102 - Fight back, Gary, you got this. 164 00:06:11,202 --> 00:06:11,942 - Yeah. 165 00:06:12,041 --> 00:06:13,941 I'm gonna say two rude words now. 166 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,181 One beginning with S, the other ending in T. 167 00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:17,180 - Is this foreplay? 168 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,300 'Cause if so, I'm dry as a Ryvita. 169 00:06:20,399 --> 00:06:24,279 If you don't mind, I'm going to the bathroom. 170 00:06:26,878 --> 00:06:28,258 (sucks her teeth) 171 00:06:28,357 --> 00:06:30,957 (upbeat music) 172 00:06:38,395 --> 00:06:40,395 - Oh, Jo. 173 00:06:40,794 --> 00:06:45,414 Jo, someone's made an anonymous complaint against me. 174 00:06:45,513 --> 00:06:46,933 Against you? - M-hm. 175 00:06:47,033 --> 00:06:48,293 - Oh. 176 00:06:48,393 --> 00:06:50,213 Shall I put the kettle on? 177 00:06:50,312 --> 00:06:52,092 Maybe one of your rank teas'll make everything better. 178 00:06:52,192 --> 00:06:53,892 - Apparently I'm offering 179 00:06:53,991 --> 00:06:56,891 happy endings to my clients after sessions. 180 00:06:56,990 --> 00:07:00,450 - Don't you have like five sessions a day? 181 00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,410 That's a lot of elbow grease, George. 182 00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,129 - I don't do happy endings, Jo. 183 00:07:04,229 --> 00:07:05,289 - I see you every single day. 184 00:07:05,388 --> 00:07:07,448 You've never offered me one. 185 00:07:07,548 --> 00:07:08,328 I'm feeling a bit left out. 186 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,048 - Did you know they record these complaint calls? 187 00:07:12,147 --> 00:07:13,207 Which means I'll be able to find out 188 00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:15,207 who made these anonymous allegations. 189 00:07:15,306 --> 00:07:16,846 - Oh yeah? 190 00:07:16,946 --> 00:07:20,166 - The high ups, oh, they think that a person 191 00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:22,195 must have to be in a pretty dark place 192 00:07:22,304 --> 00:07:24,044 to make a prank complaint like that. 193 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:24,924 - Mm... 194 00:07:25,024 --> 00:07:25,884 Disagree. 195 00:07:25,983 --> 00:07:27,983 Sounds like a legend. 196 00:07:28,663 --> 00:07:31,023 - Any idea who it might be, Jo? 197 00:07:32,502 --> 00:07:34,282 - Your mum? 198 00:07:34,381 --> 00:07:35,161 - Okay. 199 00:07:35,261 --> 00:07:37,861 (upbeat music) 200 00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:42,720 - Found his burner in his pocket. 201 00:07:42,819 --> 00:07:45,259 Enough coke to take down the Wolf of Wall Street. 202 00:07:46,858 --> 00:07:47,958 - What's this bent yute doing? 203 00:07:48,058 --> 00:07:49,198 You're here to help us. 204 00:07:49,298 --> 00:07:51,038 - I'm helping the collective us, Maleek, okay. 205 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,157 The dealer's a person of colour 206 00:07:52,257 --> 00:07:53,357 and you know better than anyone else 207 00:07:53,457 --> 00:07:54,277 how the police treats them. 208 00:07:54,377 --> 00:07:55,117 - Oh, please. 209 00:07:55,216 --> 00:07:57,356 It's not like he's the police's target audience. 210 00:07:57,456 --> 00:07:58,956 You know they prefer a much more darker hue. 211 00:07:59,055 --> 00:08:00,515 - What are you saying? 212 00:08:00,615 --> 00:08:01,835 I'm not an ethnic minority? 213 00:08:01,935 --> 00:08:03,465 - No, my brother, you're a G. 214 00:08:03,574 --> 00:08:04,874 I'm just saying that it's- 215 00:08:04,974 --> 00:08:07,914 - In the minority Olympics, are you top of the middle table? 216 00:08:08,013 --> 00:08:08,833 Disgusting. 217 00:08:08,933 --> 00:08:09,713 - You really can't talk 218 00:08:09,813 --> 00:08:10,993 outside of your lived experience, Maleek. 219 00:08:11,093 --> 00:08:12,113 And that's coming from me. 220 00:08:12,212 --> 00:08:14,032 A cis, pan, leisure and tourism grad. 221 00:08:14,132 --> 00:08:16,632 - Look, I'm just saying, in the police eyes, 222 00:08:16,731 --> 00:08:19,031 yeah, I'm more of a bruda brother. 223 00:08:19,131 --> 00:08:22,111 And you are more of a, you're a bruh. 224 00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,910 - Na, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna accept that either. 225 00:08:25,009 --> 00:08:27,069 The Met has done a closed internal investigation 226 00:08:27,169 --> 00:08:29,709 and we have come to the conclusion that we are not racist. 227 00:08:29,808 --> 00:08:31,428 - Oh, well I guess that solves everything then. 228 00:08:31,528 --> 00:08:32,828 - Right, enough. 229 00:08:32,927 --> 00:08:35,787 Spencer, go and get the oxygen and the gurney please. 230 00:08:35,887 --> 00:08:36,747 - Not now, Mum. 231 00:08:36,846 --> 00:08:38,506 I'm busy using my white privilege for good. 232 00:08:38,606 --> 00:08:40,106 You should try it sometime. 233 00:08:40,206 --> 00:08:41,666 - I'd have never spoke to my dad like that. 234 00:08:41,765 --> 00:08:44,775 - Maleek, I'm a builder parent, not a breaker parent. 235 00:08:44,884 --> 00:08:47,064 - Well you need to break your kids before other people do. 236 00:08:47,164 --> 00:08:49,544 Spare the rod, you spoil the child. 237 00:08:49,643 --> 00:08:50,423 Watch. 238 00:08:50,523 --> 00:08:52,523 Spencer, go and get oxygen now! 239 00:08:54,082 --> 00:08:54,862 Told you. 240 00:08:54,962 --> 00:08:57,522 (upbeat music) 241 00:08:58,521 --> 00:09:01,741 (horn blaring) 242 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:02,600 - That wouldn't have happened 243 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:03,680 if I had my bloody friendship bracelet. 244 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,140 - Bro, you need to let it go. 245 00:09:05,239 --> 00:09:06,579 You're almost mowed down a pensioner. 246 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:08,579 - At least then I'd feel something. 247 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:09,379 I'm numb. 248 00:09:09,478 --> 00:09:10,218 - It's just a bracelet. 249 00:09:10,318 --> 00:09:11,698 - Why don't you shut your god damn mouth 250 00:09:11,798 --> 00:09:14,138 before I drive this ambulance through Taco Bell. 251 00:09:14,237 --> 00:09:15,017 When I go back to Australia, 252 00:09:15,117 --> 00:09:17,497 how am I gonna feel connected to you without it? 253 00:09:17,596 --> 00:09:18,856 - Nothing can break our connection. 254 00:09:18,956 --> 00:09:19,996 You know, I'm getting rid of this bracelet. 255 00:09:20,076 --> 00:09:20,836 I'm taking it off. - How dare you? 256 00:09:20,916 --> 00:09:21,976 What are you doing? 257 00:09:22,075 --> 00:09:23,695 No bracelet, no friendship. 258 00:09:23,795 --> 00:09:25,845 No friendship, no lifelong memories 259 00:09:25,954 --> 00:09:27,614 lulling me as I go to sleep. 260 00:09:27,714 --> 00:09:31,254 That's when the fire takes over, the brimstone, 261 00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:33,613 the demons emerge and enter my mind. 262 00:09:33,713 --> 00:09:35,173 I go crazy. 263 00:09:35,272 --> 00:09:35,972 They locked me up. 264 00:09:36,072 --> 00:09:37,092 I escape. 265 00:09:37,192 --> 00:09:39,772 I start selling illegal DVDs down by the docks. 266 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:40,811 They try to arrest me. 267 00:09:40,911 --> 00:09:43,691 I end up killing two policemen, good guys! 268 00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:44,770 They're family men! 269 00:09:44,870 --> 00:09:45,890 - I'll keep the bracelet. 270 00:09:45,990 --> 00:09:48,590 (upbeat music) 271 00:09:49,669 --> 00:09:51,769 - Oh! 272 00:09:51,868 --> 00:09:52,888 My arm. 273 00:09:52,988 --> 00:09:53,728 (handcuffs click) 274 00:09:53,828 --> 00:09:55,608 - Oh, come on, treat him like a person first. 275 00:09:55,707 --> 00:09:57,687 - Right, let's go. 276 00:09:57,787 --> 00:10:00,007 - Spencer, do you want to play the wait in the van game 277 00:10:00,106 --> 00:10:01,766 whilst we get our bags? 278 00:10:01,866 --> 00:10:03,846 - Are you absolutely bonkers and also mental? 279 00:10:03,945 --> 00:10:05,725 I'm not waiting in there with a drug dealer. 280 00:10:05,825 --> 00:10:07,635 One time at a festival I bought weed. 281 00:10:07,744 --> 00:10:09,164 Okay, they gave me a full bag of thyme, 282 00:10:09,264 --> 00:10:10,124 I vaped the whole thing, 283 00:10:10,224 --> 00:10:11,964 and I'm not being dramatic, I nearly died. 284 00:10:12,063 --> 00:10:13,963 - Oh, he's a person first, remember. 285 00:10:14,063 --> 00:10:16,523 - Spencer, the winner of the waiting the van game 286 00:10:16,622 --> 00:10:18,782 gets a new iPad case. 287 00:10:21,581 --> 00:10:22,321 See? 288 00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:24,241 Creative parenting really does work. 289 00:10:24,340 --> 00:10:26,440 - And, while we are waiting for our escort to the hospital, 290 00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:28,080 I want an apology. 291 00:10:28,179 --> 00:10:30,119 Accusing me and my colleagues of being racist. 292 00:10:30,219 --> 00:10:31,679 - Yeah, I want an apology from you and your colleagues 293 00:10:31,778 --> 00:10:33,078 for being racist. 294 00:10:33,178 --> 00:10:34,158 Check mates. 295 00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:35,558 - Defund the police! 296 00:10:35,658 --> 00:10:37,898 (laughing) 297 00:10:38,897 --> 00:10:41,697 - He'd be running faster if he was a bruda brother. 298 00:10:47,575 --> 00:10:50,065 - Us paramedics, we don't ask for much. 299 00:10:50,174 --> 00:10:51,994 We get paid even less. 300 00:10:52,094 --> 00:10:53,674 We're out here peeling bodies off the pavement. 301 00:10:53,773 --> 00:10:56,953 We literally put our lives on the line, day in, day out. 302 00:10:57,052 --> 00:10:59,712 We're the unsung heroes of the NHS. 303 00:10:59,812 --> 00:11:01,812 And what do we ask for? 304 00:11:02,171 --> 00:11:04,831 A cuppa and a bickie at the end of each job. 305 00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,070 - Yeah. - But what do we get? 306 00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:07,630 - Well, we get our six weeks- - It was rhetoric question. 307 00:11:07,730 --> 00:11:08,910 Don't ruin my flow. - Sorry. 308 00:11:09,009 --> 00:11:10,709 - We get a punch in the face, Gary. 309 00:11:10,809 --> 00:11:12,189 - We do, yes. - Spat at. 310 00:11:12,289 --> 00:11:13,309 - I have been many times all the time. 311 00:11:13,408 --> 00:11:14,148 - Abused! 312 00:11:14,248 --> 00:11:15,868 - All the time. - Well not today! 313 00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:18,708 - No, no. - No more, Satan. 314 00:11:18,807 --> 00:11:19,547 We rise. 315 00:11:19,647 --> 00:11:20,547 - Yes, we rise. 316 00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:21,947 - You need to stand to that nurse, Gary, 317 00:11:22,046 --> 00:11:24,546 and you need to do it soon! 318 00:11:24,646 --> 00:11:27,246 (upbeat music) 319 00:11:32,044 --> 00:11:34,044 - What the fuck is he... 320 00:11:36,123 --> 00:11:38,023 - Look at the son of Lucifer. 321 00:11:38,122 --> 00:11:39,542 - This is why I told you to give him licks. 322 00:11:39,642 --> 00:11:40,342 - To be honest, 323 00:11:40,442 --> 00:11:42,862 it's the closest I've ever been to licking is bottom. 324 00:11:42,961 --> 00:11:44,261 - What? 325 00:11:44,361 --> 00:11:46,021 - A lick means slap, no? 326 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,700 - Yeah, but, Wendy, the way you just said it, 327 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,980 it sounded a little bit mogudu, I'm not gonna lie. 328 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,620 - Spencer, I don't think you realise how serious this. 329 00:11:52,719 --> 00:11:55,139 If this guy doesn't get the treatment he needs, 330 00:11:55,238 --> 00:11:56,378 he could lose his arm. 331 00:11:56,478 --> 00:11:58,698 - Exactly, he won't be able to play PlayStation again. 332 00:11:58,797 --> 00:11:59,737 That's a death sentence. 333 00:11:59,837 --> 00:12:01,177 - Do you know, I'm surprised at you, Maleek. 334 00:12:01,277 --> 00:12:02,617 I thought you would've understood. 335 00:12:02,716 --> 00:12:03,536 - Why is that? 336 00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:06,896 - Well, I presumed, as a bruda, 337 00:12:06,995 --> 00:12:09,335 you would've been pro the liberation of a POC 338 00:12:09,435 --> 00:12:10,615 by the corrupt arms of the law. 339 00:12:10,715 --> 00:12:12,885 - Yo, he was a drug dealer who, 340 00:12:12,994 --> 00:12:15,414 high on his own supply, crashed the car. 341 00:12:15,513 --> 00:12:16,773 He's lucky he didn't kill anyone. 342 00:12:16,873 --> 00:12:18,853 All you needed to do was watch him, you fool. 343 00:12:18,953 --> 00:12:20,253 - I did watch him. 344 00:12:20,352 --> 00:12:22,692 And after getting to know him, I was able to look past 345 00:12:22,792 --> 00:12:26,052 the label that society had put on his head as dealer. 346 00:12:26,151 --> 00:12:28,211 - Spencer, I am really struggling 347 00:12:28,310 --> 00:12:29,730 to deal with you right now. 348 00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:32,010 - Oh, dry your white woman tears, Mum. 349 00:12:32,109 --> 00:12:33,049 I don't regret anything. 350 00:12:33,149 --> 00:12:36,689 I guess, for you, Maleek, not all skin folk are kin folk. 351 00:12:36,788 --> 00:12:37,928 - Bruv, he was flippin' Asian! 352 00:12:38,028 --> 00:12:40,008 - And here we go with the Asian hate. 353 00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:40,807 Do y'know, 354 00:12:40,907 --> 00:12:43,527 your voice is starting to sound like those sirens, ne-naw! 355 00:12:43,627 --> 00:12:44,567 No thank you. 356 00:12:44,666 --> 00:12:46,806 - Hey, Wendy, I'm sorry, but I gotta fuck up your son. 357 00:12:46,906 --> 00:12:47,966 (thump) - Oh! 358 00:12:48,065 --> 00:12:50,065 - Yeah, ne-naw, ne-now! 359 00:12:50,425 --> 00:12:52,415 I'm gonna beat you like your mum didn't. 360 00:12:53,824 --> 00:12:55,484 - Yeah, come on then, big boy. 361 00:12:55,584 --> 00:12:56,924 - What's he doing? 362 00:12:57,023 --> 00:12:57,803 - Yeah, bitch. 363 00:12:57,903 --> 00:12:59,123 Come on. 364 00:12:59,223 --> 00:13:00,883 - You need to get your son. 365 00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:01,722 (thump) - Ah! 366 00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:04,242 You fucking scratched my eye, you little prick! 367 00:13:04,342 --> 00:13:05,642 (yelling) 368 00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,601 (thump) 369 00:13:07,701 --> 00:13:08,601 - Scratch time, baby! 370 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,700 (thump) 371 00:13:12,340 --> 00:13:14,800 - How'd you like that, bitch? 372 00:13:14,899 --> 00:13:16,239 - Oh! 373 00:13:16,339 --> 00:13:18,339 - Your mama. 374 00:13:18,858 --> 00:13:21,458 (upbeat music) 375 00:13:30,095 --> 00:13:34,025 - So which one you want to keep, the left or the right? 376 00:13:34,134 --> 00:13:34,994 - I'm sorry? 377 00:13:35,094 --> 00:13:36,034 - Testicle. 378 00:13:36,134 --> 00:13:38,314 'Cause I'm now about to rip one out with my teeth 379 00:13:38,413 --> 00:13:40,633 and shove it down your partner's throat. 380 00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:41,593 - I'm vegetarian. 381 00:13:41,692 --> 00:13:43,592 Gary, let's just make your tea and go. 382 00:13:43,692 --> 00:13:45,692 - No. 383 00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:48,351 You can't rush a brew. 384 00:13:48,451 --> 00:13:51,311 And you've taught me that you can't rush freedom. 385 00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:53,190 - Nobody touch me kettle. 386 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,430 - You think you're gonna get the last laugh? 387 00:13:55,529 --> 00:13:57,789 Well, think again Missy, 388 00:13:57,889 --> 00:13:59,889 because I will not surrender. 389 00:14:05,247 --> 00:14:07,267 Oh, delicious. 390 00:14:07,366 --> 00:14:09,266 (gargling) 391 00:14:09,366 --> 00:14:10,106 Milk! 392 00:14:10,206 --> 00:14:12,206 Kareshma, get milk! 393 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,855 (gargling scream) 394 00:14:15,964 --> 00:14:18,564 (upbeat music) 395 00:14:20,323 --> 00:14:22,503 - Ow, man! 396 00:14:22,603 --> 00:14:25,383 I swear that youth's got the fingernails of a pimp. 397 00:14:25,482 --> 00:14:26,902 - He's had them since he was born. 398 00:14:27,002 --> 00:14:29,982 It was like breastfeeding Edward Scissorhands. 399 00:14:30,081 --> 00:14:31,301 If you saw the state of my boobs 400 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:32,620 you'd think I was a self harmer? 401 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:33,740 - Oh, please. 402 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,340 Gonna need hypnosis from George 403 00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:37,059 to get that dirty image out my head. 404 00:14:37,159 --> 00:14:39,279 - Oh, I'm so sorry, Maleek. 405 00:14:40,238 --> 00:14:42,098 He man handled you. 406 00:14:42,198 --> 00:14:43,818 I couldn't watch. 407 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:45,857 Threw you around like a rag doll. 408 00:14:45,957 --> 00:14:46,657 - Are you tapped? 409 00:14:46,757 --> 00:14:49,377 Brother boxed your youth left, right, up, down, 410 00:14:49,476 --> 00:14:51,136 all the way across the Irish Sea, fam. 411 00:14:51,236 --> 00:14:53,256 - Now your lips bleeding. - Ah! 412 00:14:53,355 --> 00:14:54,335 Well at least you can agree 413 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,005 that you need to be tough on him. 414 00:14:56,114 --> 00:14:56,814 You gotta tell him 415 00:14:56,914 --> 00:14:59,214 that his behaviour was completely unacceptable. 416 00:14:59,314 --> 00:15:01,334 Also, you'd better tell him that if I catch him in South 417 00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:03,253 he's leaving in an air ambulance, bruv. 418 00:15:03,353 --> 00:15:04,113 - I'm gonna think of something 419 00:15:04,193 --> 00:15:06,293 that's gonna really teach him a lesson. 420 00:15:06,392 --> 00:15:09,572 Something even your dead dad up in heaven'd be hollering, 421 00:15:09,671 --> 00:15:11,691 "Go, Wendy, go, Wendy, go, Wendy." 422 00:15:11,791 --> 00:15:12,971 - Yo! 423 00:15:13,070 --> 00:15:15,270 Don't put words in my dead dad's mouth ever. 424 00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:18,190 Excuse me. 425 00:15:25,427 --> 00:15:28,027 (upbeat music) 426 00:15:33,505 --> 00:15:36,205 - Gather round, please, bell ends. 427 00:15:36,305 --> 00:15:37,715 Ah, okay. 428 00:15:37,824 --> 00:15:41,524 I have received an anonymous tip off, 429 00:15:41,623 --> 00:15:45,283 which led me to investigate a locker. 430 00:15:45,383 --> 00:15:49,763 To my shock and disappointment, and total joy, 431 00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:53,581 I have discovered a bag of sniff. 432 00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:56,500 Spencer. 433 00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:59,300 It was your looker. 434 00:16:00,939 --> 00:16:02,939 - Drug dealer. 435 00:16:03,538 --> 00:16:06,118 - Alongside this ugly bracelet. 436 00:16:06,217 --> 00:16:08,217 - I think I'm gonna come. 437 00:16:09,017 --> 00:16:12,637 - Jo, I swear on my Twitter account it's not my drugs. 438 00:16:12,736 --> 00:16:14,516 - Never had you down as a coke head, Spencer, 439 00:16:14,615 --> 00:16:18,075 more of a glue sniffer, so I'm actually impressed. 440 00:16:18,175 --> 00:16:20,165 - Does that mean I'm not fired? 441 00:16:21,734 --> 00:16:22,834 Double check it's not thyme. 442 00:16:22,933 --> 00:16:24,673 - You have got five minutes to get out of my depot 443 00:16:24,773 --> 00:16:25,953 before I call the filth. 444 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,153 - Mum, we can fight this. 445 00:16:28,252 --> 00:16:30,152 Remortgage the house, sell all your belongings, 446 00:16:30,252 --> 00:16:31,552 assemble a legal team, please. 447 00:16:31,651 --> 00:16:33,151 - We all make mistakes, darling. 448 00:16:33,251 --> 00:16:34,191 - But I didn't! 449 00:16:34,291 --> 00:16:35,631 - You don't need to lie to me. 450 00:16:35,730 --> 00:16:37,990 I've already forgiven you. 451 00:16:38,090 --> 00:16:42,030 Spencer, this is so, so sad for me. 452 00:16:42,129 --> 00:16:44,829 Well take this moment, go back to Nottingham, 453 00:16:44,928 --> 00:16:48,348 and find out what you really want in life. 454 00:16:48,447 --> 00:16:50,507 - You're right. 455 00:16:50,607 --> 00:16:52,607 - You're right. 456 00:16:55,366 --> 00:16:56,706 - Wowser. 457 00:16:56,805 --> 00:16:58,465 (chatting) 458 00:16:58,565 --> 00:16:59,705 Oh, sorry, I actually, 459 00:16:59,805 --> 00:17:02,575 I need the keys to the flat now I think about it. 460 00:17:02,684 --> 00:17:04,684 - There you go, go on. 461 00:17:06,043 --> 00:17:09,023 - Oh, and my official Apple charger. 462 00:17:09,122 --> 00:17:11,642 If I get too far from it, my throat starts to itch. 463 00:17:12,841 --> 00:17:15,141 Can anyone give me a lift? - Fuck off. 464 00:17:15,241 --> 00:17:17,841 (upbeat music) 465 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,740 - Oh, before you go, 466 00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:24,079 I got the recording of those complaints. 467 00:17:24,958 --> 00:17:26,958 You might recognise the voice. 468 00:17:28,158 --> 00:17:30,298 - [Deep Voice] I was just telling her 469 00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:32,137 about my dead mum 470 00:17:32,237 --> 00:17:37,217 and then she offered me a happy ending. 471 00:17:37,315 --> 00:17:38,615 - It's terrible, isn't it? 472 00:17:38,715 --> 00:17:40,575 - [Bad Scottish Accent] She just would not stop 473 00:17:40,675 --> 00:17:43,285 thrashing me in my session. 474 00:17:43,394 --> 00:17:44,894 I just wanted to talk. 475 00:17:44,994 --> 00:17:46,994 Now I'm scarred. 476 00:17:50,712 --> 00:17:53,052 - I anonymously withdrew those anonymous complaints. 477 00:17:53,152 --> 00:17:54,812 - Oh, why, Jo? 478 00:17:54,911 --> 00:17:56,251 I was having such fun guessing. 479 00:17:56,351 --> 00:17:58,571 It was between you and Gary and Gary was edging it. 480 00:17:58,670 --> 00:17:59,770 - Stop signing off my staff 481 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,970 and I will stop implying you're a sex pest. 482 00:18:02,069 --> 00:18:03,289 Easy peasy 483 00:18:03,389 --> 00:18:05,129 - Just because you don't understand 484 00:18:05,229 --> 00:18:07,229 doesn't mean it isn't so. 485 00:18:07,788 --> 00:18:09,688 Take on just some of my methods 486 00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:11,648 and I can stop signing people off. 487 00:18:11,747 --> 00:18:13,167 - I've got a better idea. 488 00:18:13,267 --> 00:18:14,727 You get the hell outta my depot. 489 00:18:14,826 --> 00:18:16,126 I'd understand that. 490 00:18:16,226 --> 00:18:18,126 - [Radio] Three five eight lima charlie, 491 00:18:18,226 --> 00:18:20,566 PRU driver Lawrence Kerr has had a road traffic accident. 492 00:18:20,665 --> 00:18:21,585 He's on blues to South Field A&E. 493 00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,655 - Lozer, shit! 494 00:18:25,264 --> 00:18:27,264 (siren) 495 00:18:30,263 --> 00:18:32,343 (crying) 496 00:18:49,618 --> 00:18:52,538 (ragged breathing) 497 00:19:09,653 --> 00:19:10,473 (screams) 498 00:19:10,573 --> 00:19:12,433 - Ow, oh! 499 00:19:12,532 --> 00:19:13,472 What you doing. 500 00:19:13,572 --> 00:19:15,352 - Loz! 501 00:19:15,452 --> 00:19:16,712 Shit! 502 00:19:16,811 --> 00:19:20,231 I thought you were fucking dead! 503 00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:22,230 - I'm just slightly winded 504 00:19:22,330 --> 00:19:24,350 and a possible cracked rib now, thank you. 505 00:19:24,449 --> 00:19:25,909 Loz, what are you doing 506 00:19:26,009 --> 00:19:27,109 playing silly boards under the covers. 507 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,629 - Just trying to get some kip. 508 00:19:29,728 --> 00:19:31,748 The curtains here are practically transparent. 509 00:19:31,848 --> 00:19:32,588 - What? 510 00:19:32,687 --> 00:19:35,267 Which is why at home I've invested in Gothic shutters. 511 00:19:35,367 --> 00:19:38,787 A hundred percent blackout made from rare Lithuanian pine. 512 00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,826 (laughing) - Oh, Loz. 513 00:19:40,925 --> 00:19:41,625 - What? 514 00:19:41,725 --> 00:19:42,665 Why are you laughing? 515 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,465 - You gave me a proper fright, you knobhead. 516 00:19:44,565 --> 00:19:46,055 - Just twisted my ankle. 517 00:19:46,164 --> 00:19:47,664 I fell off my bike. 518 00:19:47,764 --> 00:19:48,904 A few minor bruises, 519 00:19:49,004 --> 00:19:50,464 but they gave me some very nice painkillers. 520 00:19:50,563 --> 00:19:53,343 The doctor said I was the luckiest man in Lewisham 521 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,762 Which is a possible contradiction in terms. 522 00:19:56,802 --> 00:19:58,942 (Jo laughs) 523 00:19:59,041 --> 00:20:01,541 - So what's June doing out there ugly crying? 524 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:02,840 Shall I tell her to go and pull herself together? 525 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:06,120 - Oh, we just parted ways on the river of destiny. 526 00:20:06,959 --> 00:20:09,699 - Oh, mate. 527 00:20:09,798 --> 00:20:11,338 (exhales) 528 00:20:11,438 --> 00:20:13,538 Having a proper stinker, huh? 529 00:20:13,638 --> 00:20:15,938 - Well, it wasn't my decision. 530 00:20:16,037 --> 00:20:17,497 - Oh yeah? 531 00:20:17,597 --> 00:20:19,897 Well what happened, Loz? 532 00:20:19,996 --> 00:20:24,016 - Well, I mean, we had moments of happiness together. 533 00:20:24,115 --> 00:20:25,735 - Well not many. 534 00:20:25,835 --> 00:20:29,285 - But when we were together I just wished I was alone. 535 00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,294 - Oh course, course, Loz, 536 00:20:30,393 --> 00:20:32,653 don't want that albatross round your neck, do you? 537 00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:34,733 - Yeah. 538 00:20:34,832 --> 00:20:35,572 New beginnings. 539 00:20:35,672 --> 00:20:36,372 - Yeah. 540 00:20:36,472 --> 00:20:37,892 - The harvest is coming. 541 00:20:37,992 --> 00:20:39,372 - Yeah. 542 00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:44,411 ♪ Sew the seeds, young lad ♪ 543 00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:49,450 ♪ Sew the seeds, young lass ♪ 544 00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:52,329 ♪ Sew the corn ♪ 545 00:20:52,428 --> 00:20:54,988 ♪ Sew the body ♪ 546 00:20:57,827 --> 00:20:59,647 - We'll blame that on all the morphine you're on, hey? 547 00:20:59,746 --> 00:21:02,586 (chuckles) - Yeah. 548 00:21:03,625 --> 00:21:04,765 Well, I don't wanna keep you 549 00:21:04,865 --> 00:21:06,645 if you've got some important you need to... 550 00:21:06,745 --> 00:21:07,595 - No, Loz! 551 00:21:07,704 --> 00:21:09,644 Always got time for you, you dingbat. 552 00:21:09,744 --> 00:21:11,124 Budge up. 553 00:21:11,224 --> 00:21:13,224 - Ow! - Oh, bad leg? 554 00:21:14,223 --> 00:21:15,963 You hungry? 555 00:21:16,062 --> 00:21:18,062 - Um... 556 00:21:18,662 --> 00:21:19,842 - Got chicken fingers. 557 00:21:19,941 --> 00:21:21,841 - I'm sorry to hear that. 558 00:21:21,941 --> 00:21:22,801 - Hey? 559 00:21:22,901 --> 00:21:25,721 - They don't look that bad. 560 00:21:25,820 --> 00:21:27,820 You got me, Loz. 561 00:21:28,299 --> 00:21:30,979 (upbeat music)