1
00:00:00,540 --> 00:00:07,858
I'm not a punter. Never have been,
never will be. I look round Broughty
Ferry and I see the punters,
2
00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:11,128
and I think, "Well...
"Good luck to you, lads.
3
00:00:11,615 --> 00:00:15,154
"But you're not my gang."
I'm not one for name-dropping,
4
00:00:15,643 --> 00:00:19,724
but I look at your Obamas and your
Gandhis and your Burt Reynolds,
5
00:00:19,725 --> 00:00:23,203
and I think, "That's my mob.
6
00:00:23,204 --> 00:00:26,323
"That's my mob right there."
7
00:00:26,324 --> 00:00:30,603
Because being a man isn't about
having a nice extension
8
00:00:30,604 --> 00:00:34,562
or snazzy clothes or being able
to send a message with your eyes.
9
00:00:34,563 --> 00:00:37,162
Don't get me wrong,
these things help.
10
00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:41,244
But it is also important
to know your way around an anecdote
11
00:00:41,245 --> 00:00:44,083
and have a decent walk.
12
00:00:44,084 --> 00:00:46,524
Well, I've got those arrows
in my knapsack,
13
00:00:46,525 --> 00:00:51,404
and now, with this by-election,
I've got the chance to use them.
14
00:00:53,364 --> 00:00:57,763
This is my Ben Nevis,
or my Everest,
15
00:00:57,764 --> 00:00:59,362
or that mountain in America
16
00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:02,164
where they've carved
all the presidents' penises.
17
00:01:03,844 --> 00:01:05,124
And you know what, Frank?
18
00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:06,563
You know what?
19
00:01:06,564 --> 00:01:08,523
It's like we're on a train.
20
00:01:08,524 --> 00:01:11,962
We've got the sun on our faces
and a clear track ahead.
21
00:01:11,963 --> 00:01:14,844
I'm the driver,
you're the chief engineer.
22
00:01:14,845 --> 00:01:19,843
And if I may, can I ask you
to start shovelling the coal?
23
00:01:19,844 --> 00:01:21,084
Yes.
24
00:01:22,564 --> 00:01:24,922
What I'm saying to you, Frank, is...
25
00:01:24,923 --> 00:01:27,364
And I think it's all been
relatively clear,
26
00:01:27,365 --> 00:01:30,323
that it's time to start the engines.
27
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,244
Full steam ahead!
28
00:01:33,266 --> 00:01:36,388
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
29
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,100
Hey, Georgie!
30
00:02:00,180 --> 00:02:02,899
Campaign launch day.
31
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,699
Pick up posters,
32
00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:07,179
meet young voters,
33
00:02:07,180 --> 00:02:10,019
and go on Broughty FM.
34
00:02:10,020 --> 00:02:12,498
What about Edwards?
Well, he's not here for a week.
35
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:13,698
Oh, well, that's a mistake.
36
00:02:13,699 --> 00:02:15,898
You should always be at
the party first.
37
00:02:16,159 --> 00:02:17,320
Early if possible.
38
00:02:17,321 --> 00:02:18,519
Oh, no, no, no.
39
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,319
Frank, not early, no.
40
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,520
That's a cry for help.
41
00:02:21,521 --> 00:02:22,559
So...
42
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,039
The young voters, they're vital.
43
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,960
We get the message to a few of them,
44
00:02:26,961 --> 00:02:28,679
they phone the Internet,
45
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,679
tell their pals,
46
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,919
and the word starts spreading.
47
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,519
Like, er...
48
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:35,600
Like, er... Birds?
49
00:02:35,601 --> 00:02:37,159
Waves.
50
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,439
I tell you what,
let's give them a wee laugh.
51
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,399
Bring that hat.
52
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,639
The one you got in Magaluf.
53
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:45,759
Oh no! Well...
54
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,240
I'm not sure about that. Oh no, no!
They'll love it, they'll love it.
55
00:02:49,241 --> 00:02:50,279
Well, come on.
56
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:51,558
Let's see the posters.
57
00:02:51,559 --> 00:02:54,838
Yes, we'd better get them down
to the High Street ASAP.
58
00:02:54,839 --> 00:02:56,840
Just to remind the people that I...
59
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,080
Sweet Jesus!
60
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,119
No?
61
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,199
Why are you doing this to me?
62
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,199
Well...
63
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,239
Well, that's...
64
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,640
You know, that...
That's what you said you wanted.
65
00:03:12,641 --> 00:03:15,839
I wanted the posters
to send that message.
66
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,559
Well, you're...
67
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,560
You're not going to send it
much better than that. I mean...
68
00:03:20,561 --> 00:03:22,519
I mean, this...
69
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:23,799
This sends it.
70
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,720
Exactly.
71
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,120
Mmmm...
72
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:32,999
Where's the taxi?
73
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,879
Any minute.
74
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,478
Did you tell them
a woman's about to have a baby?
75
00:03:37,479 --> 00:03:40,998
No. Always tell them a woman's
about to have a baby.
76
00:03:40,999 --> 00:03:42,280
They come straight away.
77
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,280
Oh, here it is!
78
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:47,678
Give me a break.
79
00:03:47,679 --> 00:03:50,400
This isn't exactly Air Force One,
is it?
80
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,279
Er...
81
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:56,240
A woman's just had a baby.
82
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,679
'OK, Sadie.
83
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,480
'Ready for your last question?
84
00:04:04,481 --> 00:04:08,880
'Yeah!' 'If I was standing
under the Arc de Triomphe...
85
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,199
'Where would I be?'
86
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,319
Tour de France. 'Paris?'
87
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,199
'Correct!' 'Ah, no way!'
88
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,438
'Correct, Sadie!'
'Thank you so much!'
89
00:04:18,439 --> 00:04:21,478
'No problem at all, Sadie. Time
for a blast of something soothing,
90
00:04:21,479 --> 00:04:23,920
'and then I'll be talking to a man
who wants your vote.'
91
00:04:23,921 --> 00:04:24,960
Showtime.
92
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,000
We're ready for you now, Mr Servant.
93
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,678
Are you now? 'And now, the weather.'
94
00:04:31,679 --> 00:04:34,158
'A cold front is moving in
from the east,
95
00:04:34,159 --> 00:04:36,798
'but most of the day will be sunny
with occasional showers.
96
00:04:36,799 --> 00:04:39,478
'And now back to Anders
in the Afternoon.'
97
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:40,800
How you doing, Anders?
98
00:04:40,801 --> 00:04:42,279
Ladies and gentlemen,
99
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:45,120
something strange is happening
at the moment in Broughty Ferry.
100
00:04:45,121 --> 00:04:47,919
Leaflets, adverts, posters...
101
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,878
It can only mean one thing -
yes, it's election time.
102
00:04:50,879 --> 00:04:52,120
But not just any election -
103
00:04:52,121 --> 00:04:55,119
it's Broughty Ferry's very own
by-election,
104
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,680
so over the next five weeks we'll
be meeting all the candidates
105
00:04:58,681 --> 00:05:00,959
here on Anders in the Afternoon.
106
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,998
But first up, I'd like to introduce
someone who's...
107
00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:05,960
a little bit different.
Thank you, Anders.
108
00:05:05,961 --> 00:05:08,119
Because he's not a politician,
109
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:12,160
and he's not flown up from the ivory
towers of Westminster.
110
00:05:12,161 --> 00:05:14,839
It is in fact local businessman,
111
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,639
Bob Servant.
112
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,879
Hello, Anders.
113
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:19,998
Big fan of the show.
114
00:05:19,999 --> 00:05:21,800
Oh, buttering me up already, eh?
115
00:05:21,801 --> 00:05:23,039
No, no, I'm not.
116
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,200
That was just a joke.
117
00:05:24,201 --> 00:05:27,239
Politics is not a joking matter,
Anders.
118
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:28,480
It's people's lives.
119
00:05:28,481 --> 00:05:29,519
OK. So...
120
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,998
When a lot of people will hear
the name Bob Servant,
121
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,558
they'll think of Broughty Ferry's
own Cheeseburger Wars,
122
00:05:34,559 --> 00:05:37,998
which, I think it's fair to say,
Bob, you did rather well out of.
123
00:05:37,999 --> 00:05:40,118
Well, you know, Anders,
what I like to say is,
124
00:05:40,119 --> 00:05:42,480
don't call it the Cheeseburger Wars.
125
00:05:42,481 --> 00:05:44,960
Call it the Cheeseburger Massacre.
126
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,760
You can't just nod, mate,
it's the radio.
127
00:05:54,761 --> 00:05:56,919
OK, so, Bob...
128
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:59,800
You're asking us to vote for you
in this by-election.
129
00:05:59,801 --> 00:06:00,839
Why?
130
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,838
I'm what is known as an
independent candidate, Anders,
131
00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:05,238
which means I don't support
132
00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:07,838
what are known as the traditional
political parties.
133
00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:09,598
I'm familiar with the concept.
134
00:06:09,599 --> 00:06:12,678
And having an independent candidate
has never been done in an election.
135
00:06:12,679 --> 00:06:14,480
I'm pretty sure it has, Bob.
136
00:06:14,481 --> 00:06:16,400
Well, only in films.
137
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:20,359
Er...
138
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:22,678
Broughty Ferry's been good to me,
Anders,
139
00:06:22,679 --> 00:06:25,638
and it's time for me
to be good to Broughty Ferry.
140
00:06:25,639 --> 00:06:28,278
Well, you're certainly
going to spice things up
141
00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:31,278
in this by-election, Bob,
I am pretty certain of that.
142
00:06:31,279 --> 00:06:34,240
So what say we hit the phones
and meet the voters?
143
00:06:34,241 --> 00:06:37,439
Absolutely,
and don't screen the calls.
144
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,919
Throw me some grenades! Ha ha, OK.
145
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,238
Fighting talk there from
independent candidate Bob Servant.
146
00:06:43,239 --> 00:06:46,038
And I'm sure you're going to be
facing tough questions today
147
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:49,800
on the budget deficit, immigration,
and, of course, the NHS.
148
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,999
Oh.
149
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,758
I thought it'd about local stuff.
150
00:06:54,759 --> 00:06:57,160
Well, everything's local
in politics, isn't it?
151
00:06:57,161 --> 00:06:58,199
Is it?
152
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:02,679
OK, so first up, we have
Carol from Maryfield Road. Carol.
153
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,638
'I'd like to know
what the candidate would do
154
00:07:04,639 --> 00:07:07,000
'to help bring down
the national debt.'
155
00:07:07,001 --> 00:07:08,079
Good question.
156
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,920
The national debt,
which was, at the last count...?
157
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,880
'It's over a trillion pounds,
Anders.'
158
00:07:16,881 --> 00:07:17,919
Correct.
159
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,679
So, Mr Servant, one trillion pounds,
160
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,840
what are you going to do
to sort that out?
161
00:07:22,841 --> 00:07:24,959
Well, I think...
162
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,760
we should all just tighten our belts
a little bit.
163
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,159
That's... your entire policy?
164
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,438
No, I've not finished.
165
00:07:32,439 --> 00:07:35,638
I'm not one of those guys, and
there's plenty of them out there,
166
00:07:35,639 --> 00:07:36,958
who are down on the binmen.
167
00:07:36,959 --> 00:07:39,118
I mean, granted, they do make
a lot of noise,
168
00:07:39,119 --> 00:07:41,878
but you cannae drive a lorry
and empty bins and not make noise.
169
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:43,958
I mean, it's like asking
a rock and roll drummer
170
00:07:43,959 --> 00:07:46,278
to go out there, do rock and roll,
and not make a noise.
171
00:07:46,279 --> 00:07:47,920
It's ridiculous. Next call.
172
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,758
OK, we've got Stewart
from West Ferry. Stewart?
173
00:07:51,759 --> 00:07:54,240
'Hi, I called last week about the
dog mess in Dawson Park.'
174
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,959
Carry on, Stewart!
175
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,438
Poo. Dawson Park.
'Well, I live next to Dawson Park,
176
00:07:58,439 --> 00:08:01,000
'and I can't even take my kids there
because of the dog mess.
177
00:08:01,001 --> 00:08:03,279
'It's disgusting.' Stewart...
178
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,080
I'm an independent candidate,
179
00:08:05,081 --> 00:08:07,159
I make independent decisions,
180
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,840
so here's one I think
you're going to like.
181
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,199
No more dogs in Dawson Park.
182
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:15,278
There you go, done.
183
00:08:15,279 --> 00:08:18,558
'What, really?' Er, that would be
a council decision, surely? Oh...
184
00:08:18,559 --> 00:08:21,598
Don't worry about the council,
I'm primae noctis on this one.
185
00:08:21,599 --> 00:08:25,318
If I win the by-election, all dogs
will be banned from Dawson Park.
186
00:08:25,319 --> 00:08:27,998
Bob, I really don't think this is...
So, Stewart,
187
00:08:27,999 --> 00:08:31,758
You and the little ones can
roll around in the grass once again
188
00:08:31,759 --> 00:08:33,240
without the least concern.
189
00:08:33,241 --> 00:08:34,879
And, and...
190
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:38,398
If you'll have me, I'll be rolling
along right beside you.
191
00:08:38,399 --> 00:08:40,480
'That's fantastic!
So that's definite?'
192
00:08:40,481 --> 00:08:43,839
Signed, sealed, delivered. Ah!
193
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,519
Well... Eh, Frank?!
194
00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,880
It's explosive stuff here on
Anders in the Afternoon.
195
00:08:48,881 --> 00:08:52,759
Um... Next up, we've got Joan
from Barnhill. Joan.
196
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:56,398
'I don't know if this is
something your guest can help with,
197
00:08:56,399 --> 00:08:58,918
'but I got a very unfair
parking ticket.'
198
00:08:58,919 --> 00:09:02,160
Joan, Joan... Parking tickets isn't
the kind of thing... Whoa-oh.
199
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:07,998
Let's hear it, Joan.
200
00:09:07,999 --> 00:09:10,598
'I came out of the dry cleaners
down at Brook Street.'
201
00:09:10,599 --> 00:09:11,638
Oh, I know the one.
202
00:09:11,639 --> 00:09:13,638
'And there was a traffic warden
at my car.'
203
00:09:13,639 --> 00:09:15,038
Looking pleased with himself?
204
00:09:15,039 --> 00:09:16,878
'He was looking pleased
with himself.'
205
00:09:16,879 --> 00:09:18,278
Ah, surprise, surprise.
206
00:09:18,279 --> 00:09:21,200
'He'd given me a ticket,
but I was only three hours over.'
207
00:09:21,201 --> 00:09:22,239
Three hours?
208
00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:26,278
That's nit-picking, Joan, and I
won't have it. Not on my watch.
209
00:09:26,279 --> 00:09:30,078
Hang on the line, hen, my campaign
manager will be with you directly.
210
00:09:30,079 --> 00:09:32,798
And we could probably throw in
a disabled parking badge as well.
211
00:09:32,799 --> 00:09:34,718
There's a guy in Whitfield
has a printer...
212
00:09:34,719 --> 00:09:36,320
I think at this stage I should say
213
00:09:36,321 --> 00:09:39,119
that Broughty FM
takes no responsibility
214
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,998
for any advice given out by guests.
215
00:09:40,999 --> 00:09:43,958
Next up, we've got Cathy from
Fairfield Road. Cathy.
216
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:46,758
'How on earth can you ban
dogs from Dawson Park?
217
00:09:46,759 --> 00:09:48,358
'I walk mine there every day.
218
00:09:48,359 --> 00:09:51,318
'I clear up after him along with
the vast majority of dog owners,
219
00:09:51,319 --> 00:09:52,998
'so why the hell
should we get banned
220
00:09:52,999 --> 00:09:54,600
because of the actions of others?'
221
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,640
Do you want to take this one?
222
00:09:58,641 --> 00:09:59,680
It's all yours.
223
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,679
Er...
224
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:04,719
Cathy...
225
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,838
What would it take for you to
walk your dog somewhere else?
226
00:10:07,839 --> 00:10:10,238
'Why should I?! I'd have to
drive...' A number, a number.
227
00:10:10,239 --> 00:10:12,400
Cathy, Cathy, Cathy,
I'm looking for a number.
228
00:10:12,401 --> 00:10:14,519
'What, you mean... money?' Yep.
229
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,919
'But how...?' Five grand?
230
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,119
'£5,000?' Five large ones.
231
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,720
'Well... that, er... Yes,
I could probably...' Deal!
232
00:10:22,721 --> 00:10:27,639
And that would apply to every
dog walker in Dawson Park?
233
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:31,159
Absolutely, a one time payment
of £5,000. Cash.
234
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,199
Next!
235
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,878
Er, next up, we've got
Alan from Lochee. Alan.
236
00:10:34,879 --> 00:10:38,078
'Hi, I just heard the woman
with the parking ticket.
237
00:10:38,079 --> 00:10:40,758
'I received this speeding fine
the other day...'
238
00:10:40,759 --> 00:10:42,120
Did you hit anything, Alan?
239
00:10:42,121 --> 00:10:44,399
'Er... Well, not really.'
240
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:45,439
Alan...
241
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:46,679
'Yes?'
242
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,519
Rip it up.
243
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,159
'Pardon?' Rip it up!
244
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,920
'But... It says,
"Possible imprisonment."'
245
00:10:52,921 --> 00:10:56,439
What you got? Tom from Monifieth.
246
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,478
'I own a dog,
I walk it in Dawson Park,
247
00:10:58,479 --> 00:11:00,598
'and whether or not this moron
wins the election,
248
00:11:00,599 --> 00:11:03,758
'I will be walking it in Dawson Park
in five weeks' time.'
249
00:11:03,759 --> 00:11:05,120
Oh, you will, will you?!
250
00:11:05,121 --> 00:11:06,319
Absolutely.
251
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:07,678
Well, you'll regret it.
252
00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:10,000
Or more accurately,
your dog'll regret it.
253
00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:11,679
'What do you mean?'
254
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,599
I'll shoot it.
255
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,359
'You'll shoot my dog?'
256
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,078
Bang, bang. OK, going to have
to stop it there, guys.
257
00:11:18,079 --> 00:11:20,680
Ho ho! Thanks for all your calls
folks, time for some music.
258
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,399
Well done, Bob.
259
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,279
Cheers, Frank, cheers.
260
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,400
It was a team effort.
261
00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:37,760
To a degree.
262
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,679
What a start.
263
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,079
So...
264
00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,200
You don't know anything about
fraudulent disabled parking badges?
265
00:11:47,201 --> 00:11:48,280
Nope.
266
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,759
When you said...
267
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:54,440
"There's a guy in Whitfield
with a printer"...?
268
00:11:54,441 --> 00:11:55,719
Ahhh...
269
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,240
I was getting confused.
270
00:11:57,241 --> 00:11:58,439
With what? Er...
271
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,560
With something I saw on Watchdog.
272
00:12:00,561 --> 00:12:02,479
Nothing there. I told you.
273
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:03,640
You don't own a gun?
274
00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,159
Course not.
275
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:09,559
So when you said you would
shoot local domestic pets...?
276
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:10,720
That was a metaphor.
277
00:12:10,721 --> 00:12:12,559
A metaphor?
278
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:13,600
For what?
279
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:15,999
Life.
280
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,399
Mr Servant...
281
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,039
We don't like receiving calls
282
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,958
to say someone is declaring
criminal acts on local radio.
283
00:12:23,959 --> 00:12:25,718
Is that clear?
Fair enough, fair enough.
284
00:12:25,719 --> 00:12:27,998
Chase the real criminals
sort of thing, right, yeah.
285
00:12:27,999 --> 00:12:29,360
Good, yeah, good, got that.
286
00:12:29,361 --> 00:12:30,599
Yeah.
287
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:31,720
Today's a warning.
288
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:36,480
But we'll be watching your campaign
with interest.
289
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,200
And so will we.
290
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,519
OK, boys?
291
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:44,560
Break a leg.
292
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,478
You see what's happening, Frank?
293
00:12:49,479 --> 00:12:52,398
The powers that be don't want
an independent candidate.
294
00:12:52,399 --> 00:12:55,318
It upsets the apple cart. They're
just trying to Birmingham Six you.
295
00:12:55,319 --> 00:12:57,080
And they couldn't even
bring themselves
296
00:12:57,081 --> 00:12:59,719
to say something
about the extension.
297
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,480
Pathetic.
298
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,760
So how do you become
a campaign manager?
299
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:12,239
Well, I was 30 years in Bob's
cheeseburger vans.
300
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,479
I see.
301
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,280
Director of sauces.
302
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:19,759
Mustards...
303
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,320
Ketchup...
304
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,399
Brown.
305
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:25,439
I mean, I...
306
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:26,639
That's...
307
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,518
That's just how I got into it, I...
308
00:13:28,519 --> 00:13:30,760
I don't know if that's
the usual route, you know?
309
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,960
Those toilets are tiny.
310
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,760
How many students
will I be talking to?
311
00:13:37,761 --> 00:13:38,799
10.
312
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:41,400
Oh, depends what time the party
finished last night, eh?
313
00:13:41,401 --> 00:13:43,599
Erm...
314
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,920
Give us the hat. Bob, I don't...
Give us the hat!
315
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,640
This will take the roof off.
316
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,280
Calm down, children!
317
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,719
What's this?
318
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,478
I tried to tell you.
I wanted young voters, Frank.
319
00:14:05,479 --> 00:14:07,120
Not the fuckin' Secret Seven.
320
00:14:07,121 --> 00:14:08,160
Mr Servant...
321
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,119
Hello, children.
322
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,760
Hello!
323
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,119
Do you like children?
324
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,798
Absolutely, I'm a family man.
325
00:14:21,799 --> 00:14:23,080
How many kids do you have?
326
00:14:23,081 --> 00:14:24,119
None.
327
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,400
But I like families.
328
00:14:25,401 --> 00:14:27,079
Boys and girls...
329
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,879
Now here's what I want youse to do.
330
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:34,800
I want youse to go home tonight
and send a message to your parents.
331
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,919
- You all know your parents?
- Yes.
332
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,759
Could be orphans.
Well, they could be.
333
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,719
Guys, any orphans?
334
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,679
What's an orphan?
335
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:49,079
No-one here is an orphan.
Mr Servant, please!
336
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:53,719
All I'm saying is, tell your
parents, or your Mother Superior,
337
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,840
or whoever it is
that looks after you,
338
00:14:55,841 --> 00:14:57,839
to vote for Bob Servant.
339
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:58,879
Mr Servant,
340
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,798
I was hoping you could explain to
the children about the by-election
341
00:15:01,799 --> 00:15:04,520
and how you came to stand in it.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, I will, I will!
342
00:15:04,521 --> 00:15:06,999
I'm just warming them up.
343
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,239
Boys and girls...
344
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,479
I was standing in my extension.
345
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:12,960
I was listening to the radio.
346
00:15:12,961 --> 00:15:19,000
And they said that
Broughty Ferry's MP had...
347
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,079
Died. No...
348
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,879
He wasn't dead. Oh, yes!
349
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,360
He was decapitated in a car crash
on the A90.
350
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:32,079
He wasn't dead.
351
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:33,120
He just...
352
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,839
Can't do his job any more.
353
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,880
Because his legs fell off.
354
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,599
And his head. What? Mr Servant!
355
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:43,838
What's wrong with you?!
356
00:15:43,839 --> 00:15:46,358
They didn't like the leg stuff
either. Mr Servant. OK, OK.
357
00:15:46,359 --> 00:15:47,560
Calm down, calm down.
358
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,839
I was listening to the radio,
359
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,198
and they said that Broughty Ferry's
MP had gone away,
360
00:15:54,199 --> 00:15:55,918
and there was going to be
a by-election,
361
00:15:55,919 --> 00:15:58,358
and I thought, "Well, this is a real
kick in the chestnuts
362
00:15:58,359 --> 00:16:01,598
"for the poor boy's family.
I hope they bounce back ASAP."
363
00:16:01,599 --> 00:16:06,078
And I thought, "Well, you know,
this might be a wee chance for me."
364
00:16:06,079 --> 00:16:08,918
As you all know, I am
a bit of a face locally.
365
00:16:08,919 --> 00:16:11,278
I mean, I've got a few quid,
I've got opinions,
366
00:16:11,279 --> 00:16:13,158
and then the wheels,
you know, start...
367
00:16:13,159 --> 00:16:14,560
Children, a by-election is...
368
00:16:14,561 --> 00:16:18,679
A by-election is where
the Prime Minister
369
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:22,800
asks the people of Broughty Ferry
who their favourite person is.
370
00:16:22,801 --> 00:16:24,879
Well... One man, one vote.
371
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:26,119
One PERSON.
372
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,760
Democracy, just like
every country in the world.
373
00:16:28,761 --> 00:16:29,999
Not every country.
374
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,399
So, I want all of youse
to go home tonight,
375
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:37,078
to go out there and spread the word,
put the pressure on.
376
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:41,118
Tell your parents, vote Bob Servant
or you'll run away from home.
377
00:16:41,119 --> 00:16:43,960
Make it personal. OK, Mr Servant,
thanks for coming in.
378
00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,799
Right, boys and girls.
379
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,080
After three, "Vote for Bob Servant."
380
00:16:48,081 --> 00:16:50,440
One, two, three...!
381
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,238
Well done, Frank, that was
a complete Hiroshima.
382
00:16:57,239 --> 00:16:59,080
That was just a warm-up, Bob.
383
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,959
Why have we got this guy again?
384
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,839
Well...
385
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,240
I've paid him for the day.
386
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,198
Never, ever, pay them for the day.
387
00:17:10,199 --> 00:17:11,360
They get complacent.
388
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,880
Same with gardeners.
389
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:17,639
Right, Frank.
390
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:21,078
It's time to show Broughty Ferry
what we're all about.
391
00:17:21,079 --> 00:17:23,240
We're going to hit them
with a PR blitz.
392
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,599
PR? Public relations.
393
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,639
Everything's PR, Frank. PR.
394
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:33,200
Why do you think a bus driver
doesn't drink on the job any more?
395
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:35,480
Health and safety?
396
00:17:35,481 --> 00:17:36,759
PR!
397
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,120
It's about creating a public image.
398
00:17:39,121 --> 00:17:40,719
Burying the bad news.
399
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:44,278
When Cliff Richard poisoned
that ball boy at Wimbledon,
400
00:17:44,279 --> 00:17:47,400
next day, just brought out a new pop
record and it was all forgotten.
401
00:17:47,401 --> 00:17:49,039
You see?
402
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,080
Well, not really.
403
00:17:50,081 --> 00:17:53,799
Why do celebrities adopt babies?
404
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,600
Or "accidentally" walk into
supermarkets without their pants on?
405
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:00,799
PR?
406
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,559
You got there, Frank.
407
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:07,120
Now you get the posters sorted, and
I'll go and press some punter flesh.
408
00:18:07,121 --> 00:18:08,279
Hello!
409
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:09,880
Bob Servant, independent.
410
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,999
OK, lads.
411
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,238
Bob Servant, independent,
standing in the by-election.
412
00:18:24,239 --> 00:18:26,918
So you're up against this guy,
then? Unbelievable.
413
00:18:26,919 --> 00:18:29,518
The boy's not even here yet
and he's throwing his money about.
414
00:18:29,519 --> 00:18:31,198
Got good posters, though.
415
00:18:31,199 --> 00:18:32,840
Mugabe's got good posters.
416
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:01,319
Hello.
417
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,479
All right?
418
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,560
Bob Servant, independent,
standing in the by-election.
419
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:06,720
OK.
420
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,839
Have I got your vote?
421
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:15,279
Well...
422
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,199
I don't know.
423
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,078
I just walked all the way out here.
424
00:19:19,079 --> 00:19:20,240
I've not decided yet.
425
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,438
What you doing?
Waiting for you to decide.
426
00:19:31,439 --> 00:19:33,200
I'm trying to fish here! Fine.
427
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,680
Put you down as a maybe.
428
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,000
Hi there! Will you be voting?
429
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,680
All set, lads? Off to the disco?
430
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,078
Frank, you remember when I was a
member of Very Good Video?
431
00:20:01,079 --> 00:20:02,558
Oh, like it was yesterday.
432
00:20:02,559 --> 00:20:04,920
I know the rest of youse were
members of Blockbusters,
433
00:20:04,921 --> 00:20:06,119
the big boys.
434
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,958
You used to slag me off
something rotten.
435
00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:11,038
Because I'd defend Very Good Video.
436
00:20:11,039 --> 00:20:13,040
I mean, I'd defend them like a...
Like a...
437
00:20:13,041 --> 00:20:15,359
A lion. A lion, aye. Like a lion.
438
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:18,320
One day, I cancelled
my membership to Very Good Video,
439
00:20:18,321 --> 00:20:20,919
and joined Blockbusters.
And bang!
440
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,600
I could see straight away that Very
Good Video were absolute shite.
441
00:20:24,601 --> 00:20:25,639
Oh, terrible.
442
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,038
Well, it's like the public.
443
00:20:27,039 --> 00:20:29,518
You know, when I was a member
of the public, I used to think,
444
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:32,478
"Well, they're not bad. You know,
they're good." I'd defend them.
445
00:20:32,479 --> 00:20:33,838
But now I'm a politician,
446
00:20:33,839 --> 00:20:36,680
I look at the public, and I see them
for the bunch of selfish...
447
00:20:36,681 --> 00:20:38,439
Oh, hello!
448
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,800
Did you tell my daughter
she was an orphan?
449
00:20:40,801 --> 00:20:42,439
Frank speaking.
450
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,878
On, no. No, I said she wasn't
an orphan.
451
00:20:44,879 --> 00:20:45,920
Who said she was?
452
00:20:45,921 --> 00:20:47,999
The ginger boy.
453
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,320
There was a ginger boy
in your class, wasn't there?
454
00:20:50,321 --> 00:20:51,999
There you go.
455
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,160
Nasty piece of work.
456
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,720
Do you know where this kid lives?
457
00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,400
Vote for Bob Servant.
458
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,559
That was the radio station.
459
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,319
They want us back in!
460
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:05,760
I'm not surprised.
461
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,558
They probably want me on
as a disc jockey.
462
00:21:11,559 --> 00:21:13,918
You know, shoot from the hip,
that kind of thing.
463
00:21:13,919 --> 00:21:15,920
I would say it's good
for a campaign.
464
00:21:15,921 --> 00:21:18,960
Well, we'll see
what they're offering.
465
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,239
Go and get him, then!
466
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,999
Bring him out!
467
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,319
Boo boys!
468
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,719
Are you going to shoot my dog?
469
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,200
You! Round the back! Now!
470
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,919
Who? Who? Who?
471
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:46,159
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
before I wrap up this evening,
472
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,400
I think it's fair to say
that this afternoon's show
473
00:21:48,401 --> 00:21:50,799
stirred up a bit of a hornet's nest
474
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,518
after comments from by-election
candidate Bob Servant.
475
00:21:54,519 --> 00:21:56,998
But we made a quick call,
and I'm very pleased to say
476
00:21:56,999 --> 00:22:00,000
that we've actually got the man
in question back in the studio.
477
00:22:00,001 --> 00:22:04,039
So, um...
Bob, thanks for coming back in.
478
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,558
Well, as it happens,
I was just passing by.
479
00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:08,638
You must have had
a bit of a strange day.
480
00:22:08,639 --> 00:22:10,998
I've had stranger.
Well, I'm not sure we have,
481
00:22:10,999 --> 00:22:14,958
after hundreds of complaints
and people protesting outside,
482
00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:18,438
so I think I'd like to start
by clarifying an important point.
483
00:22:18,439 --> 00:22:20,958
On behalf of everyone here
at Broughty FM,
484
00:22:20,959 --> 00:22:24,360
we'd like to reassure the dog owners
of Broughty Ferry
485
00:22:24,361 --> 00:22:27,719
that no dogs will be executed
486
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,838
no matter who wins the forthcoming
by-election.
487
00:22:29,839 --> 00:22:32,160
Bob, I'm sure you'd like
to back me up on that.
488
00:22:32,161 --> 00:22:33,639
Anders...
489
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:34,678
I just want to say
490
00:22:34,679 --> 00:22:37,840
on behalf of Bob Servant independent
campaign team...
491
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:40,479
Well done.
492
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,439
And thank you for that.
493
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:47,360
I mean, there's no doubt in my mind
that you chose, for whatever reason,
494
00:22:47,361 --> 00:22:52,199
to sensationalise the comments
I made earlier today about dogs.
495
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,678
And clearly, clearly...
496
00:22:53,679 --> 00:22:56,438
There's been a wee bit
of Chinese whispers since then.
497
00:22:56,439 --> 00:22:59,720
But would just like to say
to the people of Broughty Ferry:
498
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:03,119
People of Broughty Ferry,
499
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:08,199
If I am elected your MP,
and I suspect anyone,
500
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:12,039
anyone, of even considering
harming a dog,
501
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,838
then that person will be arrested
on the spot.
502
00:23:14,839 --> 00:23:17,198
All right, come on, Bob,
that is rid... Furthermore,
503
00:23:17,199 --> 00:23:19,600
I had a meeting
with the police earlier today
504
00:23:19,601 --> 00:23:25,439
on this very subject, and we found
ourselves in broad agreement.
505
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:30,319
Broughty Ferry's dogs can sleep
soundly in their cages tonight.
506
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:31,878
Right, I'm sorry, Bob, erm...
507
00:23:31,879 --> 00:23:33,478
Forgive my confusion on this matter,
508
00:23:33,479 --> 00:23:35,398
but was it not actually you
who suggested...
509
00:23:35,399 --> 00:23:37,958
Anders, when you're in the middle
of a political campaign,
510
00:23:37,959 --> 00:23:39,718
you do what is called
testing the waters.
511
00:23:39,719 --> 00:23:43,240
I mean, you come up with a policy
and you see how the public react.
512
00:23:43,241 --> 00:23:45,159
I mean, look at the...
513
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,278
Look at the poll tax
or the Iraq War.
514
00:23:47,279 --> 00:23:49,998
I mean, that's what the government
did, they tested the waters,
515
00:23:49,999 --> 00:23:51,878
the public said no and the
government said,
516
00:23:51,879 --> 00:23:53,878
"Fine, forget it,
we were only joking anyway."
517
00:23:53,879 --> 00:23:56,518
I mean, that's politics, Anders,
that's the name of the game.
518
00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:57,678
Now, whatever the game is,
519
00:23:57,679 --> 00:24:00,200
I don't think you'll be getting
many votes from dog owners.
520
00:24:00,201 --> 00:24:01,839
Well, that's ridiculous.
521
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,599
Absolutely ridiculous.
522
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,439
Considering...
523
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:06,918
I'm a dog owner myself.
524
00:24:06,919 --> 00:24:08,240
Oh, really? What's it called?
525
00:24:08,241 --> 00:24:09,279
Dancer.
526
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:10,558
Dancer? Well, um...
527
00:24:10,559 --> 00:24:13,518
Maybe tomorrow you could take Dancer
out when you're campaigning
528
00:24:13,519 --> 00:24:15,640
in Broughty Ferry,
that'd be a really nice touch.
529
00:24:15,641 --> 00:24:17,999
Well, I wish I could, Anders.
530
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,519
I wish I could, but, er...
531
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,399
Unfortunately, er...
532
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:24,438
Dancer ran away.
533
00:24:24,439 --> 00:24:26,758
Ran away? When? Yesterday.
Ah, yesterday.
534
00:24:26,759 --> 00:24:29,598
Well... Why don't we see if we can't
get him back for you?
535
00:24:29,599 --> 00:24:31,480
Perhaps you'd like to put out
an appeal
536
00:24:31,481 --> 00:24:34,759
right now live on Broughty FM?
537
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:35,880
All right.
538
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,080
Er, well...
539
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:45,759
I...
540
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:47,599
Dancer...
541
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,559
I'd just like to say
all is forgiven.
542
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:51,600
Come home.
543
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,719
Daddy misses you.
544
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,759
And do you have a description
of Dancer?
545
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,040
Oh, he just loves life.
546
00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:02,079
Loves it.
547
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:03,678
Barking and running about.
548
00:25:03,679 --> 00:25:06,600
In fact, clearly he likes
running about a bit too much,
549
00:25:06,601 --> 00:25:08,679
seeing as he's run away.
550
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,200
I was thinking more of a
physical description.
551
00:25:11,201 --> 00:25:12,679
Aye. Well, um...
552
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:13,840
About a metre long.
553
00:25:13,841 --> 00:25:15,679
Er...
554
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,559
Kind face.
555
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:18,639
Tail.
556
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:19,800
Any last words, Bob?
557
00:25:19,801 --> 00:25:21,279
Yes.
558
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,199
Vote for Bob Servant,
559
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:28,280
and send a message to Westminster
to leave our dogs alone.
560
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,080
'Next up on Broughty FM...'
561
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,199
Going to the dogs.
562
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,758
Sorry? I should have said something
about going to the dogs.
563
00:25:38,759 --> 00:25:41,158
We'll have to go back.
And how would we do that?
564
00:25:41,159 --> 00:25:42,440
Well, just rewind it.
565
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:45,159
Rewind it!
566
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,199
Rewind it!
567
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:47,838
Aye, rewind it. Just rewind it.
568
00:25:47,839 --> 00:25:49,760
Just... Just rewind, Rewind it!
569
00:25:49,761 --> 00:25:50,919
Go back.
570
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,880
You can go back.
571
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,559
This is demeaning.
572
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,799
I'm not taking you otherwise.
573
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,280
They'll set the dogs on me.
574
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:09,680
Will, er... you be voting, folks?
575
00:26:09,681 --> 00:26:11,160
We will now.
576
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,080
Great.
577
00:26:49,327 --> 00:27:17,046
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