1
00:00:01,488 --> 00:00:06,608
Do you know who this place
reminds me of? Daley Thompson.
2
00:00:06,648 --> 00:00:09,167
Summer of 1980.
3
00:00:09,168 --> 00:00:12,008
Daley Thompson got a gold
medal in Moscow.
4
00:00:13,008 --> 00:00:15,768
We got an airport in Broughty Ferry.
5
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,430
And the boo boys didnae like
that.
6
00:00:17,489 --> 00:00:19,647
Och, the boo boys didnae like
anything.
7
00:00:19,648 --> 00:00:25,169
They said no-one would use
this place, but now... three
flights a week to London!
8
00:00:25,170 --> 00:00:29,808
Twice a fortnight to
Manchester, and Belfast
every other month!
9
00:00:29,809 --> 00:00:31,007
That shut them up.
10
00:00:31,008 --> 00:00:33,009
Well, that's what we're faced
with, you see?
11
00:00:33,010 --> 00:00:37,368
When you show ambition in
Broughty Ferry, people drag
ye down.
12
00:00:37,369 --> 00:00:40,327
I get it all the time
because of the extension.
13
00:00:40,328 --> 00:00:42,687
People call me flashy or...
Arrogant.
14
00:00:42,688 --> 00:00:44,729
Too successful or...
Fantasist.
15
00:00:44,730 --> 00:00:47,088
Who called me that?
16
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,648
Oh! Oh!
17
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,649
Did you see that?
18
00:00:57,175 --> 00:01:01,051
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
19
00:01:06,329 --> 00:01:08,809
Hey, Georgie!
20
00:01:22,489 --> 00:01:26,128
I didn't think they'd be
so... young. Sexy.
21
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:28,769
Young. No, no, yeah,
I meant to say young.
22
00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:32,649
Young's fine. Naive, no
experience.
23
00:01:34,289 --> 00:01:35,847
There's a lot of them,
though, Bob.
24
00:01:35,848 --> 00:01:40,487
Ah, well, you take care of the
backing band, Frank. I'll take
care of Elvis.
25
00:01:40,488 --> 00:01:41,809
Is that the Lady Provost?
26
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,968
Oh, aye.
27
00:01:43,969 --> 00:01:45,528
Mm.
28
00:01:45,529 --> 00:01:47,689
Showing off her special
necklace.
29
00:01:49,249 --> 00:01:51,089
Let's roll.
30
00:01:59,129 --> 00:02:01,808
Nice and easy.
31
00:02:01,809 --> 00:02:04,209
You're just a man driving a
taxi.
32
00:02:15,529 --> 00:02:20,287
Have you ever tailed anyone
before, pal? We should be
two cars back.
33
00:02:20,288 --> 00:02:22,529
We should be using stolen
numberplates.
34
00:02:22,530 --> 00:02:24,729
That's bank robbers, Frank.
35
00:02:27,289 --> 00:02:29,968
Have you not got a spare shirt?
36
00:02:29,969 --> 00:02:33,248
Why would I have a spare
shirt? Swap with him.
37
00:02:33,249 --> 00:02:36,127
Oh, Bob, no.
I don't think he'd be up for it.
38
00:02:36,128 --> 00:02:39,327
Of course he will.
It's all part of the service. On
you go.
39
00:02:39,328 --> 00:02:41,729
Er... excuse me.
We're not swapping shirts.
40
00:02:43,529 --> 00:02:46,289
This is what we're up against.
41
00:02:49,409 --> 00:02:51,529
You're too close!
42
00:02:58,449 --> 00:03:01,007
Are we ready to rock and roll?
Let's have a round of
applause.
43
00:03:01,008 --> 00:03:04,209
A round of applause for our
interns. Looks like a good
atmosphere.
44
00:03:04,210 --> 00:03:06,528
Nuremberg had a good
atmosphere.
45
00:03:06,529 --> 00:03:08,847
Didnae have photocopiers
like that at Nuremberg.
46
00:03:08,848 --> 00:03:12,247
Thank God for that. So, we've got
four weeks to go, he couldn't be in
better hands.
47
00:03:12,248 --> 00:03:14,529
We have faith in you.
We trust you. Just get it right.
48
00:03:14,530 --> 00:03:18,528
Right, OK, thank you so
much. Right, action stations.
49
00:03:18,529 --> 00:03:21,689
That's the independent
candidate. Hi. Can I help you?
50
00:03:21,690 --> 00:03:23,648
No.
51
00:03:23,649 --> 00:03:26,568
But I can help you.
52
00:03:26,569 --> 00:03:29,328
I'm Bob Servant.
53
00:03:29,329 --> 00:03:31,769
The independent candidate.
Lovely to meet you.
54
00:03:31,770 --> 00:03:33,008
Oh, that's right.
55
00:03:33,009 --> 00:03:35,527
You're the, um...
you're the dog man, aren't
you?
56
00:03:35,528 --> 00:03:37,767
The dog man?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That
was...
57
00:03:37,768 --> 00:03:40,607
Well, you said you'd ban
dogs? Shoot dogs.
58
00:03:40,608 --> 00:03:43,287
Broughty Ferry FM. Heh!
You know what they're like.
59
00:03:43,288 --> 00:03:46,329
Ha-ha. No, not really.
Bunch of shock jocks.
60
00:03:46,330 --> 00:03:48,368
Anyway...
61
00:03:48,369 --> 00:03:51,088
Who is this lovely young lady?
62
00:03:51,089 --> 00:03:52,968
Phillippa Edwards.
63
00:03:52,969 --> 00:03:55,488
Nick's wife.
Oh, wonderful.
64
00:03:55,489 --> 00:03:58,408
Are you doing the
sandwiches? Er... no.
65
00:03:58,409 --> 00:04:01,047
I'm the campaign manager.
Oh, that's good of you.
66
00:04:01,048 --> 00:04:03,927
I've been my husband's
political manager for ten years
now.
67
00:04:03,928 --> 00:04:05,767
Ah, no of fence, but it's
unusual
68
00:04:05,768 --> 00:04:08,249
for powerful men
to take orders frae their wives.
69
00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:10,608
Er... Torvill and Dean?
Oh, Frank.
70
00:04:10,609 --> 00:04:12,368
Frank, I mean,
71
00:04:12,369 --> 00:04:15,287
I know these two have been
putting up posters like they
own the place,
72
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:17,647
but even they wouldn't be
arrogant enough to claim
73
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:20,367
that they are the new Torvill
and Dean!
74
00:04:20,368 --> 00:04:22,809
That's not a claim we'll be
making.
75
00:04:22,810 --> 00:04:23,848
Good.
76
00:04:23,849 --> 00:04:27,528
And Frank's my campaign
manager. Ah.
77
00:04:27,529 --> 00:04:29,529
He's no' my wife, though.
Ha-ha-ha.
78
00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:32,569
He's no' married.
Through choice!
79
00:04:33,569 --> 00:04:37,488
Anyway, we just thought we'd
say... hello,
80
00:04:37,489 --> 00:04:41,448
and if you need any help,
I'm a big fish round here.
81
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:43,209
I'm sure.
So...
82
00:04:44,969 --> 00:04:48,088
Welcome to Broughty Ferry.
83
00:04:48,089 --> 00:04:50,248
Welcome to politics.
84
00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:51,688
Welcome...
85
00:04:51,689 --> 00:04:54,249
to Broughty Ferry.
86
00:04:55,289 --> 00:04:58,168
I'm doing the welcoming.
Right.
87
00:04:58,169 --> 00:05:00,369
That's the point here, I think.
All done!
88
00:05:01,489 --> 00:05:04,247
Where are your campaign
offices? Bob's hoose.
89
00:05:04,248 --> 00:05:05,967
No' in my hoose, in my
extension.
90
00:05:05,968 --> 00:05:09,487
And we'll be buying plenty of
this gear. Don't you worry
about that. Ha-ha!
91
00:05:09,488 --> 00:05:12,367
Well, I don't think
you'll need quite this much.
92
00:05:12,368 --> 00:05:14,529
Do you have local
volunteers? One.
93
00:05:14,530 --> 00:05:16,648
Only one?
Thousand.
94
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:17,848
A thousand?
95
00:05:17,849 --> 00:05:21,368
Thereaboots. You know, up a
bit.
96
00:05:21,369 --> 00:05:24,648
So, we are going to need
plenty of this stuff.
97
00:05:24,649 --> 00:05:27,448
Well, now's your chance.
98
00:05:27,449 --> 00:05:30,969
Excuse me. I think this chap
would like to place an order.
99
00:05:30,970 --> 00:05:32,689
Fire away.
100
00:05:34,289 --> 00:05:39,449
Oh, well, I'll maybe, er... take
a couple of these, as you're
here.
101
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,367
You got anything bigger?
102
00:05:48,368 --> 00:05:51,127
Bigger? No, that's an
industrial copier.
103
00:05:51,128 --> 00:05:52,489
Well, I've seen bigger.
Where?
104
00:05:52,490 --> 00:05:53,609
Arbroath.
105
00:05:55,129 --> 00:05:57,288
Oh!
How much?
106
00:05:57,289 --> 00:05:59,649
Well, these guys are renting.
Renting?
107
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:02,648
Ha-ha! Well, I'd be buying.
108
00:06:02,649 --> 00:06:04,448
I mean, I play for keeps.
109
00:06:04,449 --> 00:06:06,609
18 grand?
110
00:06:07,809 --> 00:06:12,289
Have you got a colour one?
Yeah, well, they're all colour,
mate.
111
00:06:12,290 --> 00:06:14,489
There's a... Hey.
112
00:06:20,289 --> 00:06:22,248
Kind of buzzing.
113
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,648
You know, I'm getting that.
114
00:06:24,649 --> 00:06:26,489
Really?
Oh, it's stopped now.
115
00:06:34,609 --> 00:06:36,249
OK.
116
00:06:37,969 --> 00:06:40,728
Awfy, awfy nice.
117
00:06:40,729 --> 00:06:42,608
Yeah.
118
00:06:42,609 --> 00:06:46,328
Oh, er... has it got the
internet?
119
00:06:46,329 --> 00:06:48,648
Well, no.
Oh, shame, pal.
120
00:06:48,649 --> 00:06:49,847
Better luck next time.
121
00:06:49,848 --> 00:06:52,529
We'd have bought twa,
if they were the right ones.
122
00:06:52,530 --> 00:06:55,329
I'm just sending you a message.
123
00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:01,249
Deep pockets.
124
00:07:02,569 --> 00:07:03,687
Message received.
125
00:07:03,688 --> 00:07:07,047
Well, we have a very busy
afternoon with a lot of
meetings, so...
126
00:07:07,048 --> 00:07:11,689
Oh, I would no' like to think...
Ha! ...how many meetings I've
got! Ha-ha-ha!
127
00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:13,768
One.
128
00:07:13,769 --> 00:07:14,809
Thousand.
129
00:07:18,849 --> 00:07:21,528
Oh, here he is! Old Scrooge
himself.
130
00:07:21,529 --> 00:07:25,927
Mr Servant, I'm relieved to
see you. I've sent you a
number of letters...
131
00:07:25,928 --> 00:07:28,687
How's that wife of yours
doing? I'm divorced. You
know that.
132
00:07:28,688 --> 00:07:32,447
I know, just a bit of banter before
we start. Well, that's hardly what I
would call banter.
133
00:07:32,448 --> 00:07:35,647
I've got three kids. All right.
Slept in my car for a month. Right.
134
00:07:35,648 --> 00:07:39,487
Down to business. I'm gonnae
chuck a bit mair money at the
campaign. Mr Servant...
135
00:07:39,488 --> 00:07:43,007
And that cash I made when I
sold the vans, I'm gonnae
throw it all in. Why not?
136
00:07:43,008 --> 00:07:45,927
Mr Servant, I've sent you
a number of letters
137
00:07:45,928 --> 00:07:48,209
after I had a difficult
conversation on your behalf.
138
00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:49,848
Who with?
139
00:07:49,849 --> 00:07:52,049
With the Inland Revenue
about your tax...
140
00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:54,448
Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
141
00:07:54,449 --> 00:07:56,247
I'll stop you there.
Sorry?
142
00:07:56,248 --> 00:07:57,647
As you're well aware,
143
00:07:57,648 --> 00:08:02,167
I will not allow you to use
certain words in my presence
for legal reasons.
144
00:08:02,168 --> 00:08:06,367
I am aware of that, and I'm
also aware that this is why
we're in this position!
145
00:08:06,368 --> 00:08:11,047
If I don't hear them words then
I don't know about it and I'm
legally protected!
146
00:08:11,048 --> 00:08:16,449
As I've told you many times,
this is not the case! We have
to able to discuss this.
147
00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:17,648
I don't want to.
148
00:08:17,649 --> 00:08:21,889
Do you want to go to prison?
149
00:08:27,929 --> 00:08:29,689
Fine. Fine!
150
00:08:32,369 --> 00:08:38,328
Let's say you were talking
to Daley Thompson... aboot
biscuits.
151
00:08:38,329 --> 00:08:41,208
And perhaps... perhaps
152
00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:46,369
Daley Thompson thinks
I haven't sent him enough
biscuits.
153
00:08:47,409 --> 00:08:49,648
Fine, I spoke to Daley Thompson
154
00:08:49,649 --> 00:08:54,568
and he says that there is a
shortfall in your biscuit
contributions.
155
00:08:54,569 --> 00:08:58,049
Well, I respect Daley as an
athlete, but in this case he's
talking bollocks.
156
00:08:58,050 --> 00:09:01,968
Daley says that you have not
sent him enough biscuits
157
00:09:01,969 --> 00:09:05,088
in the last four consecutive
tax years.
158
00:09:05,089 --> 00:09:08,328
Er...
Biscuit years.
159
00:09:08,329 --> 00:09:11,888
He's worked out
how many biscuits you owe
him.
160
00:09:11,889 --> 00:09:14,569
Oh, he has, has he?
Yes.
161
00:09:18,249 --> 00:09:20,569
That's what he's looking for.
162
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,129
Sweet Jesus.
163
00:09:25,009 --> 00:09:27,089
Is that biscuits or pounds?
Pounds.
164
00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:29,488
It's pounds, right.
165
00:09:29,489 --> 00:09:32,089
Well, that's the last
of the cheeseburger money.
166
00:09:32,090 --> 00:09:33,368
Mr Servant.
167
00:09:33,369 --> 00:09:38,008
As your accountant,
I would probably advise you
168
00:09:38,009 --> 00:09:41,248
to spend as little as possible
169
00:09:41,249 --> 00:09:44,689
on this... campaign.
170
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:49,328
And I presume
that has come out of my fees?
171
00:09:49,329 --> 00:09:52,329
It's the Lady Provost's
dinner tonight. Did you get
invited?
172
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:53,849
I did.
173
00:09:58,809 --> 00:10:00,849
Is Daley Thompson going?
174
00:10:02,089 --> 00:10:04,568
You work your whole life.
175
00:10:04,569 --> 00:10:07,407
You sell thousands,
millions of cheeseburgers.
176
00:10:07,408 --> 00:10:09,687
You make the people
of Broughty Ferry happy.
177
00:10:09,688 --> 00:10:12,849
And then the Government
pops up and says, "Oh, hello!
178
00:10:12,850 --> 00:10:14,088
"Hello!
179
00:10:14,089 --> 00:10:17,407
"You see when you made the
people happy by selling them
cheeseburgers?
180
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:21,327
"Well, the money they gave
you for making them happy,
that's actually ours.
181
00:10:21,328 --> 00:10:24,207
"Even though they gave it to
you for the cheeseburgers,
182
00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:25,687
"they're meant to give it to us
183
00:10:25,688 --> 00:10:30,247
"so would you kindly, you
know, sort of, you know, just
pass the money along
184
00:10:30,248 --> 00:10:32,609
"but still give them the
cheeseburgers?"
185
00:10:32,610 --> 00:10:36,568
It doesn't add up, Bob.
It does not add up.
186
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:41,128
And again the Government
pops up and says, "Oh, hello!
Hello!
187
00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:46,207
"Just to let you know that
once again you are not invited
to the Provost's dinner.
188
00:10:46,208 --> 00:10:50,969
"But you see that guy who
slept in his car for a month
when his wife left him?
189
00:10:50,970 --> 00:10:53,088
"He's invited."
190
00:10:53,089 --> 00:10:55,329
Un-fucking-believable!
191
00:10:56,329 --> 00:10:59,209
Here, Bob, my turn tae choose.
192
00:11:05,889 --> 00:11:07,849
Why do you
always bring me here, Frank?
193
00:11:07,850 --> 00:11:09,248
It's so depressing.
194
00:11:09,249 --> 00:11:14,367
Because it's cheap, Bob, and
it sounds like we should be
making sacrifices.
195
00:11:14,368 --> 00:11:17,249
I'm sacrificing my dignity
coming into this place.
196
00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:18,928
Oh, here he is!
197
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,289
How are you, Stewpot?
198
00:11:22,609 --> 00:11:23,648
No' too bad.
199
00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:26,128
Couple of pints, please.
200
00:11:26,129 --> 00:11:29,368
Aye.
201
00:11:29,369 --> 00:11:31,209
Best pint in Broughty Ferry!
202
00:11:35,609 --> 00:11:36,968
Have you, er...
203
00:11:36,969 --> 00:11:39,047
done the place up, Stewpot?
No.
204
00:11:39,048 --> 00:11:41,607
It's looking good.
Oh, very good, very good.
205
00:11:41,608 --> 00:11:43,447
Oh, I love it in here. Love it!
206
00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:47,889
It reminds me of that,
er... American TV show. Oh,
you know the one. Er...
207
00:11:47,890 --> 00:11:50,848
♪ Where everybody knows
your nay-ay-ame
208
00:11:50,849 --> 00:11:53,368
♪ Ha-da diddle-la-pah
tee-tee-tee
209
00:11:53,369 --> 00:11:56,448
♪ Da-da diddle,
da-da-diddle... ♪
210
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:58,048
Er...
211
00:11:58,049 --> 00:12:00,288
♪ ...Knows your name. ♪
212
00:12:00,289 --> 00:12:01,328
The Cosby Show.
213
00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:03,969
Cheers.
Cheers!
214
00:12:05,409 --> 00:12:06,689
Got us oot of that one.
215
00:12:07,929 --> 00:12:10,088
Listen, Bob.
Improvisation.
216
00:12:10,089 --> 00:12:12,328
Bob, what are we gonna dae,
217
00:12:12,329 --> 00:12:15,367
when the Edwards boy starts
throwing his money aboot?
218
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:18,049
Oh, it's no' aboot money,
Frank, it's aboot people.
219
00:12:18,050 --> 00:12:21,248
Well, then let's get oot there,
Bob.
220
00:12:21,249 --> 00:12:24,927
You're the man with the ideas.
I mean, this lot need to hear
that.
221
00:12:24,928 --> 00:12:27,007
This lot? Never mind aboot
the punters!
222
00:12:27,008 --> 00:12:29,007
Broughty Ferry's run by the
big fish.
223
00:12:29,008 --> 00:12:31,087
Always has been, always will
be.
224
00:12:31,088 --> 00:12:34,007
We want to get out there in
front of the movers and the
shakers.
225
00:12:34,008 --> 00:12:36,647
The Lady Provost? The
Provost's dinner?
226
00:12:36,648 --> 00:12:38,849
That's where all the big fish'll
be.
227
00:12:38,850 --> 00:12:42,248
Well, then, let us go fishing.
228
00:12:42,249 --> 00:12:44,328
And we're no' invited.
229
00:12:44,329 --> 00:12:45,568
Frank.
230
00:12:45,569 --> 00:12:50,409
When Jesus went to that
birthday party and turned the
bread into wine,
231
00:12:50,410 --> 00:12:51,929
was he invited?
232
00:12:52,929 --> 00:12:56,329
Well, probably. I mean...
I mean, if he could dae that.
233
00:12:59,889 --> 00:13:02,128
This is appalling.
234
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:06,008
Hello, love!
Bob Servant to see the
Provost.
235
00:13:06,009 --> 00:13:07,969
I'm afraid the Lady Provost's
out for the day.
236
00:13:07,970 --> 00:13:09,608
Where?
237
00:13:09,609 --> 00:13:12,687
She has a lunch and then
she's reopening the harbour
play park.
238
00:13:12,688 --> 00:13:16,209
Another play park!
She must open aboot ten of
them a year.
239
00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:18,088
She just likes the swings.
240
00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:20,609
Where is she having lunch?
I can't give out that
information.
241
00:13:20,610 --> 00:13:24,008
Sorry.
Hen, I'm standing in the
by-election.
242
00:13:24,009 --> 00:13:26,729
Diplomatic immunity.
I'm sorry.
243
00:13:27,889 --> 00:13:31,688
I need to know where the
Provost is.
244
00:13:31,689 --> 00:13:34,569
It's about her son.
She doesn't have a son.
245
00:13:34,570 --> 00:13:38,249
That's what she thinks.
246
00:13:40,209 --> 00:13:43,088
Oh, I see. Talking about
boys?
247
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,688
Miss Edwards.
Ms.
248
00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:47,848
Your Holiness.
Hello, Mr Servant.
249
00:13:47,849 --> 00:13:50,648
Well, I really should be
going. Rhona.
250
00:13:50,649 --> 00:13:53,248
Rhona, I need two minutes.
251
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,129
Sorry, I've official business.
252
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:56,648
Aye, on the swings?
253
00:13:56,649 --> 00:13:59,089
Nice to meet you.
Pleasure.
254
00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:03,248
That looked very cosy.
255
00:14:03,249 --> 00:14:05,008
Did it?
256
00:14:05,009 --> 00:14:07,848
My sources tell me...
257
00:14:07,849 --> 00:14:11,848
that she was at the airport this
morning.
258
00:14:11,849 --> 00:14:14,328
She welcomed us to Broughty
Ferry.
259
00:14:14,329 --> 00:14:17,207
I just met her to hand in
our election nomination
forms.
260
00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:20,887
I'm sure your campaign
manager has already handed
them in?
261
00:14:20,888 --> 00:14:22,687
Don't have a go at him. He's
just started.
262
00:14:22,688 --> 00:14:24,929
Where are your thousand
volunteers?
263
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:27,169
Lunch break.
264
00:14:30,489 --> 00:14:32,368
Hi, Bob.
265
00:14:32,369 --> 00:14:34,208
I see.
266
00:14:34,209 --> 00:14:37,769
You know, gentlemen, we
have come up against
independent candidates before.
267
00:14:37,770 --> 00:14:40,129
Not... like me.
268
00:14:41,129 --> 00:14:43,408
Just like you.
269
00:14:43,409 --> 00:14:46,048
They're always the same.
270
00:14:46,049 --> 00:14:49,327
Locals with a bit of a
reputation who fancy the
spotlight.
271
00:14:49,328 --> 00:14:50,807
And then along comes polling
day,
272
00:14:50,808 --> 00:14:54,209
and they discover that they
haven't got quite as many
friends as they thought.
273
00:14:54,210 --> 00:14:55,648
Then what happens?
274
00:14:55,649 --> 00:14:57,408
They're humiliated.
275
00:14:57,409 --> 00:14:59,328
Totally
276
00:14:59,329 --> 00:15:01,769
and utterly humiliated.
277
00:15:05,129 --> 00:15:07,968
Oh...
Frank, let's go to the play
park.
278
00:15:07,969 --> 00:15:09,129
Right, Bob.
279
00:15:09,529 --> 00:15:12,767
I am very proud to be here
today to open this play park...
280
00:15:12,768 --> 00:15:16,167
Ah, you give someone a
special necklace... and I'd
especially like to thank...
281
00:15:16,168 --> 00:15:20,289
The next thing you know,
they're walking round a play park
like Mother Teresa.
282
00:15:20,290 --> 00:15:23,728
I would like to declare this
play park...
283
00:15:23,729 --> 00:15:25,969
officially reopened.
284
00:15:27,369 --> 00:15:28,728
Thank you.
285
00:15:28,729 --> 00:15:31,407
You know, Frank, the
Provost's dinner...
286
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:33,489
it's no' something
I've ever fancied going to.
287
00:15:33,490 --> 00:15:35,848
Well, you've never been
invited.
288
00:15:35,849 --> 00:15:39,929
Well, that's because they
probably think I'd turn it doon,
and I usually would.
289
00:15:39,930 --> 00:15:45,808
But, you see, this year, Frank,
this year, I need in, I need in,
290
00:15:45,809 --> 00:15:49,048
because she is like...
291
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,449
Willy Wonka.
292
00:15:51,769 --> 00:15:55,649
She looks at the people of
Broughty Ferry, and then she
picks one.
293
00:15:56,609 --> 00:15:58,849
And once you're picked, that's
you.
294
00:15:59,809 --> 00:16:01,767
Life will never be the same
again.
295
00:16:01,768 --> 00:16:03,729
Just like Willy Wonka in the
film.
296
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:08,008
He looked at the people,
he picked that young boy,
297
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:12,769
and then Wonka took that
lovely young boy and put him
in golden underpants.
298
00:16:13,809 --> 00:16:16,689
And then Wonka led that boy
by the hand...
299
00:16:18,249 --> 00:16:20,327
and walked off into the disco.
300
00:16:20,328 --> 00:16:23,087
No. Well, you know, Frank, you
know what? No, that's no'...
301
00:16:23,088 --> 00:16:25,289
No, that's no' what happened
in the film, Bob.
302
00:16:25,290 --> 00:16:27,849
I'm going to the disco! Ha-ha!
303
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,728
OK, big smile for me. OK.
304
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:34,968
That's great.
Let me come to your
dinner.
305
00:16:34,969 --> 00:16:36,448
Firstly,
306
00:16:36,449 --> 00:16:39,767
I just heard you visited my
office and suggested I have
an illegitimate child.
307
00:16:39,768 --> 00:16:42,007
Smile for me.
That was Frank. I tried to
stop him.
308
00:16:42,008 --> 00:16:45,967
Secondly, the dinner is for those
who have enhanced the lives of the
people of Broughty Ferry.
309
00:16:45,968 --> 00:16:50,847
I'm a Broughty Ferry success story.
Success story! Selling unhealthy
food from unregistered vans?
310
00:16:50,848 --> 00:16:54,407
That's what the public
wanted. You ruined local health
rates. Statistics.
311
00:16:54,408 --> 00:16:57,047
You targeted children.
They targeted me!
312
00:16:57,048 --> 00:16:59,567
You caused scurvy, Bob.
The two of you.
313
00:16:59,568 --> 00:17:02,567
Oh, come on, Rhona, come
on. Let me come. Please,
Rhona. Rhona, please!
314
00:17:02,568 --> 00:17:05,849
Look, if you cause any
trouble, you're out straight
away.
315
00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:06,888
Deal.
316
00:17:06,889 --> 00:17:08,408
Big smile!
317
00:17:08,409 --> 00:17:11,129
And that, Frankie boy, is
politics.
318
00:17:16,009 --> 00:17:22,568
I've lived here all my life,
Frank, and this is my first
Provost's dinner.
319
00:17:22,569 --> 00:17:26,009
I've been out in the cold for 58
years.
320
00:17:27,769 --> 00:17:31,449
How long was Mandela on
that island, before Geldof got
him off?
321
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:32,488
A fair while.
322
00:17:32,489 --> 00:17:34,847
Not 58 years, though?
Nowhere near.
323
00:17:34,848 --> 00:17:37,609
Do you know what I mean?
And people bang on about his
suffering.
324
00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:39,328
The Provost's dinner!
325
00:17:39,329 --> 00:17:41,689
Oh! That's gonnae be
something else!
326
00:17:41,690 --> 00:17:44,528
Oh, big names, big faces.
327
00:17:44,529 --> 00:17:46,928
Absolute A-list!
328
00:17:46,929 --> 00:17:49,529
And... you're looking good,
Bob.
329
00:17:50,929 --> 00:17:54,449
I am, and you're not
far behind me, Francis.
330
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,608
We're the Rat Pack.
331
00:17:57,609 --> 00:18:01,008
Ho-ho! Frank Sinatra!
Dean Martin!
332
00:18:01,009 --> 00:18:03,648
Steve Davis Junior. Ha-ha!
333
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:05,529
Let's dance!
334
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,689
Right, Frank!
335
00:18:12,209 --> 00:18:13,728
This is schmoozing.
336
00:18:13,729 --> 00:18:17,288
Schmoozing?
It's American for talking.
337
00:18:17,289 --> 00:18:19,929
I want you to get in there
and work the room.
338
00:18:26,809 --> 00:18:28,648
Oh.
339
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:30,249
Don't mind if I do.
340
00:18:32,329 --> 00:18:33,489
Lovely dress.
341
00:18:40,529 --> 00:18:42,848
Admiral.
Inspector.
342
00:18:42,849 --> 00:18:45,529
Listen, I'm doing a bit of
schmoozing here
343
00:18:45,530 --> 00:18:50,048
and I want you to know
if I'm elected then your job is
safe.
344
00:18:50,049 --> 00:18:51,769
That would not be your
decision.
345
00:18:51,770 --> 00:18:53,768
Not officially.
Not at all.
346
00:18:53,769 --> 00:18:56,009
Glad to have your support.
You don't.
347
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:58,089
Cheers.
348
00:19:06,209 --> 00:19:08,647
You're the big man frae the
hospital, aren't you?
349
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,129
I'm the Medical Director, yes.
350
00:19:10,130 --> 00:19:13,928
Ah. I've seen you in the
papers with the big cheques.
351
00:19:13,929 --> 00:19:15,927
Always glad to receive
a charitable donation.
352
00:19:15,928 --> 00:19:18,449
Oh, I know, I know. Listen,
listen here.
353
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:22,088
If I'm elected, I wouldnae kick
up a fuss
354
00:19:22,089 --> 00:19:26,648
if, you know, one of them big
cheques should go, you
know...
355
00:19:26,649 --> 00:19:27,848
I don't follow.
356
00:19:27,849 --> 00:19:30,489
If one of them big cheques
should go, er...
357
00:19:36,649 --> 00:19:37,688
go missing.
358
00:19:37,689 --> 00:19:40,849
I find that extremely
offensive. Oh, so do I, Doc.
So do I.
359
00:19:43,409 --> 00:19:46,569
Have you got, er...
360
00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:52,528
any brothers or sisters?
361
00:19:52,529 --> 00:19:54,369
I must just go and find my
wife.
362
00:19:54,370 --> 00:19:56,648
OK, fine.
363
00:19:56,649 --> 00:19:58,648
Ladies and gentlemen!
364
00:19:58,649 --> 00:20:02,329
Please take your seats,
and if I may, I'll just say a few
words.
365
00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:04,889
Absolutely! Carry on, hen!
366
00:20:18,169 --> 00:20:20,367
Due to the past two
harsh winters,
367
00:20:20,368 --> 00:20:23,927
some of our roads
have experienced extensive
damage.
368
00:20:23,928 --> 00:20:28,887
But I'm happy to say that
reconstruction work on this is
nearly complete.
369
00:20:28,888 --> 00:20:31,047
This year also showed
marked improvements
370
00:20:31,048 --> 00:20:33,369
of the sewage systems
around the Ellieslea Road
area.
371
00:20:33,370 --> 00:20:35,488
This is hopeless. Right.
372
00:20:35,489 --> 00:20:39,328
With regards to the new
leisure centre...
373
00:20:39,329 --> 00:20:41,128
this has now...
374
00:20:41,129 --> 00:20:43,608
OK! Well done. You had a go.
375
00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:45,729
I'm sorry?
Ah, well try again next year.
376
00:20:45,730 --> 00:20:47,728
Eh, Rhona, hen? Come on.
377
00:20:47,729 --> 00:20:49,847
Come on, folks, come on!
Let's gie her something.
378
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:53,569
Come on! Let's give her something.
There you go. There you go, hen.
379
00:20:53,570 --> 00:20:55,128
Well done, well done.
380
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,648
Right, I'd better rescue this.
381
00:20:57,649 --> 00:20:59,608
Lock up your daughters.
382
00:20:59,609 --> 00:21:01,688
Ladies and gentlemen!
383
00:21:01,689 --> 00:21:05,608
I want yous to forget aboot my
success
384
00:21:05,609 --> 00:21:08,368
and, if you can, my extension.
385
00:21:08,369 --> 00:21:10,648
Just see me for what I am.
386
00:21:10,649 --> 00:21:15,488
A local man who's worked
hard and has the hoose to
show for it,
387
00:21:15,489 --> 00:21:20,128
and who is the only choice
for the Broughty Ferry
by-election!
388
00:21:20,129 --> 00:21:22,087
This Edwards guy looks
pretty impressive.
389
00:21:22,088 --> 00:21:25,169
Oh, forget him.
I've heard he's got a big
team.
390
00:21:25,170 --> 00:21:27,048
Well, I've seen bigger.
391
00:21:27,049 --> 00:21:29,448
Apparently they're very sexy.
392
00:21:29,449 --> 00:21:31,048
Who said that?
393
00:21:31,049 --> 00:21:33,688
Frank.
394
00:21:33,689 --> 00:21:35,327
Look, you lot don't know this
guy!
395
00:21:35,328 --> 00:21:38,049
I could tell you things about
him you just wouldnae
believe!
396
00:21:38,050 --> 00:21:41,648
Go on.
Oh, he's done awful stuff.
397
00:21:41,649 --> 00:21:43,169
Awful stuff. X-rated stuff.
398
00:21:43,170 --> 00:21:44,529
Such as?
399
00:21:45,529 --> 00:21:49,328
How about murder?
Is that bad enough for you?
400
00:21:49,329 --> 00:21:52,248
Sorry?
No' here, no' on your beat.
401
00:21:52,249 --> 00:21:53,728
On his holidays.
402
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:56,008
I heard he was in Tenerife
403
00:21:56,009 --> 00:22:00,569
and a man laughed at his
jumper and he strangled him.
404
00:22:01,849 --> 00:22:03,289
Wi' the jumper.
405
00:22:04,369 --> 00:22:05,769
Sorry we're late, everybody.
406
00:22:09,009 --> 00:22:10,449
Sorry we're late, everybody!
407
00:22:10,450 --> 00:22:12,768
Er... Mr Edwards?
Yeah?
408
00:22:12,769 --> 00:22:14,609
Have you ever been to Tenerife?
409
00:22:14,610 --> 00:22:16,768
Tenerife?
410
00:22:16,769 --> 00:22:19,929
No, can't say I've had the
pleasure. Didn't think so.
411
00:22:22,089 --> 00:22:23,128
Rumours.
412
00:22:23,129 --> 00:22:25,047
Sorry, have I... disturbed
something?
413
00:22:25,048 --> 00:22:27,247
Mr Servant was telling us a
story.
414
00:22:27,248 --> 00:22:29,327
No, no, no! No, I've done. I've
done.
415
00:22:29,328 --> 00:22:32,607
Well, perhaps I could say a
few words. Oh, haud on,
haud on! I've still got the floor!
416
00:22:32,608 --> 00:22:36,489
We gave you a hearing, Mr
Servant! It's Mr Edwards's turn
now.
417
00:22:43,089 --> 00:22:44,409
Ladies and gentlemen.
418
00:22:44,410 --> 00:22:50,288
My wife and I left England this
morning as dawn was
breaking.
419
00:22:50,289 --> 00:22:55,368
We had no idea that we
would find ourselves in a
place so charming,
420
00:22:55,369 --> 00:22:58,768
so hospitable and so beautiful.
421
00:22:58,769 --> 00:23:00,687
Christopher Columbus over
there.
422
00:23:00,688 --> 00:23:03,369
Walking around... Brochty
Ferry today...
423
00:23:03,370 --> 00:23:06,208
Broughty Ferry.
..Broughty Ferry today,
424
00:23:06,209 --> 00:23:08,687
I was overcome with a...
a strange feeling of warmth.
425
00:23:08,688 --> 00:23:10,689
Had you wet yourself?
Mr Servant!
426
00:23:10,690 --> 00:23:13,488
Teatime! Oh, here we go,
folks!
427
00:23:13,489 --> 00:23:15,649
Mr Edwards will continue
after dinner! Oh, look!
428
00:23:15,650 --> 00:23:19,448
It's salmon. Very boring, I'm
afraid.
429
00:23:19,449 --> 00:23:21,929
Here we go. Here we go,
folks. Tuck in.
430
00:23:21,930 --> 00:23:24,049
Could... Could I get a leg?
431
00:23:36,569 --> 00:23:39,448
We can't let him get this lot on
board.
432
00:23:39,449 --> 00:23:41,329
Follow my lead.
433
00:23:42,969 --> 00:23:45,328
You looking for the toilet?
I am.
434
00:23:45,329 --> 00:23:48,209
Let me help you there.
Thank you.
435
00:23:54,769 --> 00:23:57,209
Shawshanked!
436
00:24:18,289 --> 00:24:19,889
Enjoying the petite fours?
437
00:24:32,049 --> 00:24:35,447
Right, well, that's it, folks.
Looks like he's bottled it.
438
00:24:35,448 --> 00:24:38,007
So, if you want an MP
who turns Shergar on you
439
00:24:38,008 --> 00:24:39,769
when the going gets tough...
440
00:24:39,770 --> 00:24:41,208
he's your man.
441
00:24:41,209 --> 00:24:44,528
But Bob Servant doesn't hide!
442
00:24:44,529 --> 00:24:45,609
Remember that.
443
00:24:47,689 --> 00:24:50,608
Well! That's us off!
444
00:24:50,609 --> 00:24:55,129
Thank you for having us.
The salmon was terrific!
445
00:24:56,969 --> 00:25:00,129
Oh, ho-ho-ho!
Looks like someone's had
one too many.
446
00:25:00,130 --> 00:25:03,608
He locked me in the fucking
cupboard!
447
00:25:03,609 --> 00:25:07,929
Or I locked myself out of the
cupboard! Different ways of
looking at it.
448
00:25:07,930 --> 00:25:10,248
We will crush you!
449
00:25:10,249 --> 00:25:11,767
You'd better have strong
fingers!
450
00:25:11,768 --> 00:25:14,889
Mr Servant!
I think you should leave right
now!
451
00:25:14,890 --> 00:25:18,168
Oh, I bet you do. I bet you do!
452
00:25:18,169 --> 00:25:20,487
That's just what you lot want,
isn't it?
453
00:25:20,488 --> 00:25:22,449
Get me oot the door
so you can suck up to him?
454
00:25:22,450 --> 00:25:27,648
Why? Because he's got a
flashy poster and big
photocopiers.
455
00:25:27,649 --> 00:25:30,407
Well, do you know
something? I don't need you
lot!
456
00:25:30,408 --> 00:25:33,127
I'm going out there!
To the man on the street!
457
00:25:33,128 --> 00:25:36,247
You know where you are
with the man on the street!
458
00:25:36,248 --> 00:25:38,729
On the street?
You listen to me, pal.
459
00:25:38,730 --> 00:25:42,368
You may have this lot
under your sexy spell,
460
00:25:42,369 --> 00:25:44,568
but I've spent 30 years
461
00:25:44,569 --> 00:25:46,969
selling cheeseburgers
to the people of Broughty
Ferry.
462
00:25:46,970 --> 00:25:48,888
I know them inside out.
463
00:25:48,889 --> 00:25:51,569
And when she made me
put posters on my van
464
00:25:51,570 --> 00:25:56,408
saying that if people ate
too many cheeseburgers they
might die,
465
00:25:56,409 --> 00:25:58,209
do you know what happened?!
466
00:25:59,209 --> 00:26:01,129
We sold more!
467
00:26:03,689 --> 00:26:05,329
Granted, a couple of people
did die
468
00:26:05,330 --> 00:26:08,888
but no-one... no-one
tells that lot what to do!
469
00:26:08,889 --> 00:26:12,128
So, pal, you keep the big fish!
470
00:26:12,129 --> 00:26:14,088
I'll hae the people!
471
00:26:14,089 --> 00:26:16,969
I'll have the people!
472
00:27:32,649 --> 00:27:33,689
Here we go, Frank.
473
00:27:33,690 --> 00:27:35,288
These are our people.
474
00:27:35,289 --> 00:27:37,489
Look at their wonderful little
faces.
475
00:27:37,490 --> 00:27:39,128
Absolutely.
476
00:27:39,129 --> 00:27:43,369
Ah, Edwards can keep the big
fish. I'll have this lot any time.
477
00:27:45,449 --> 00:27:48,129
I've got your vote, don't I,
Charlie?
478
00:27:49,169 --> 00:27:51,009
No' wearing his glasses.
479
00:27:51,034 --> 00:28:00,867
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
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480
00:28:01,009 --> 00:28:03,208
Davie!
Bob.
481
00:28:03,209 --> 00:28:05,009
See the United score at the
weekend?
482
00:28:05,010 --> 00:28:07,288
No. What was it?
483
00:28:07,289 --> 00:28:08,409
Good to see you.
484
00:28:23,769 --> 00:28:26,049
All right, lads?
Just finished at the factory?
485
00:28:26,050 --> 00:28:27,248
Factory?
486
00:28:27,249 --> 00:28:29,888
Stewpot, get these boys a
drink.
487
00:28:29,889 --> 00:28:31,929
They deserve it. Salt of the
earth.
488
00:28:33,529 --> 00:28:34,768
On you?
489
00:28:34,769 --> 00:28:38,049
No, no.
Just get them a drink. It's your
job.