1
00:00:04,030 --> 00:00:06,310
Why are you standing there?
I thought it was a team shot.
2
00:00:10,770 --> 00:00:14,689
What's that expression?
I'm smiling.
3
00:00:14,690 --> 00:00:15,790
Smiling?
4
00:00:15,831 --> 00:00:19,071
It looks as if you're crying. No.
5
00:00:23,531 --> 00:00:25,411
I wouldn't have been crying.
6
00:00:25,423 --> 00:00:33,944
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
7
00:00:34,431 --> 00:00:36,791
Hey, Georgie!
8
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,191
We've got a big
problem here, Bob.
9
00:00:52,192 --> 00:00:55,390
I mean, it's a real
Pearl Harbor.
10
00:00:55,391 --> 00:00:57,270
Well,
11
00:00:57,271 --> 00:00:58,870
you've got skirt,
12
00:00:58,871 --> 00:01:00,711
skirt, husband...
13
00:01:01,871 --> 00:01:03,750
and me.
14
00:01:03,751 --> 00:01:06,109
Now, I just think
it would help the campaign
15
00:01:06,110 --> 00:01:09,151
if you could find yourself
a... a wife or a... a girlfriend
16
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,270
or a...
17
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:11,951
a woman pal.
18
00:01:14,031 --> 00:01:17,310
"Local man with local skirt."
19
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:21,351
Well, that's votes, Bob.
That's votes right there.
20
00:01:35,151 --> 00:01:36,190
Mary!
21
00:01:36,191 --> 00:01:38,150
Bob Servant.
22
00:01:38,151 --> 00:01:41,031
I'm terrific, just sitting here
in the extension.
23
00:01:41,032 --> 00:01:43,071
Yourself?
24
00:01:46,711 --> 00:01:50,591
Tell me, Mary,
are you still going aboot
in them glasses of yours?
25
00:01:51,671 --> 00:01:52,951
The big ones?
26
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:55,991
Sorry, Mary!
Just going into a tunnel!
27
00:01:55,992 --> 00:01:58,390
Can't be doing with that.
28
00:01:58,391 --> 00:02:01,631
Ah. Daphne.
29
00:02:06,431 --> 00:02:08,430
Daphne?
30
00:02:08,431 --> 00:02:10,310
Bob Servant.
31
00:02:10,311 --> 00:02:13,311
Well, you know,
just... checking in.
32
00:02:16,831 --> 00:02:17,871
Oh, dear.
33
00:02:19,151 --> 00:02:21,950
When was that?
34
00:02:21,951 --> 00:02:24,630
And it was your hip?
35
00:02:24,631 --> 00:02:27,791
What a bunch of cowboys!
Sorry, Daphne, can you just...
36
00:02:27,792 --> 00:02:30,590
Hip replacement. Botched.
37
00:02:30,591 --> 00:02:32,030
She's got a limp.
38
00:02:32,031 --> 00:02:35,991
Like a sign of weakness. People
might think you've kicked her.
39
00:02:35,992 --> 00:02:40,431
Daphne? Could you call me back?
Couple of months. Happy hopping!
40
00:02:41,951 --> 00:02:43,151
This isn't working.
41
00:02:52,671 --> 00:02:55,551
Ach, it's the wrong
season for skirt, Frank.
42
00:02:55,552 --> 00:03:00,390
It's always best after
New Year's Eve or April Fools' Day,
43
00:03:00,391 --> 00:03:02,909
when there's all the trial
separations going on.
44
00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:05,189
And the plains
are full of buffalo.
45
00:03:05,190 --> 00:03:07,431
And the thing is, Frank,
you know, women...
46
00:03:07,432 --> 00:03:09,430
can pickle your brain. Oh!
47
00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:12,709
Oh, it's always the same. You meet
someone, you have a wee chat,
48
00:03:12,710 --> 00:03:15,431
and you think,
"Well, this is just terrific."
49
00:03:16,831 --> 00:03:20,031
And things move on, and suddenly,
you're spending every day with them.
50
00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:21,350
Time passes,
51
00:03:21,351 --> 00:03:24,269
and before you know it,
you're thinking,
"Oh, Christ, what am I doing?
52
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,791
"This is just awful
and I need to get out."
53
00:03:26,792 --> 00:03:28,750
Oh, that's the drill.
54
00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,951
And sometimes that happens
all within an hour.
55
00:03:32,231 --> 00:03:33,390
On the bus.
56
00:03:33,391 --> 00:03:36,510
They get inside your head
like... like worms.
57
00:03:36,511 --> 00:03:37,870
That's it, Frank.
58
00:03:37,871 --> 00:03:41,070
That's it. Worms. Worms.
59
00:03:41,071 --> 00:03:44,871
Pretty wee worms with their
nice claithes and lovely hair.
60
00:03:44,872 --> 00:03:46,950
Oh, look at them!
61
00:03:46,951 --> 00:03:48,950
Butter wouldn't melt, eh?
62
00:03:48,951 --> 00:03:52,231
They cut your heart open,
put a hand grenade inside,
63
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:55,750
slap you on the back,
say they're your best pal
64
00:03:55,751 --> 00:03:58,549
and would you like to go
to the water slides.
65
00:03:58,550 --> 00:04:00,991
- Every time.
- I'll give you a minute.
66
00:04:02,031 --> 00:04:03,870
Oh, look.
67
00:04:03,871 --> 00:04:05,270
The very man.
68
00:04:05,271 --> 00:04:06,911
All right, gentlemen.
How's it hanging?
69
00:04:06,912 --> 00:04:08,950
Ah, Norrie.
70
00:04:08,951 --> 00:04:12,350
That is a lovely piece
of leather.
71
00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:14,150
New delivery, gentlemen.
72
00:04:14,151 --> 00:04:17,269
You could use an upgrade,
Bob. Oh, never mind that.
73
00:04:17,270 --> 00:04:20,591
Norrie, I'm making myself
available for the skirt again.
74
00:04:20,592 --> 00:04:21,791
Local skirt.
75
00:04:22,951 --> 00:04:24,030
How local?
76
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:27,031
Well, let's say
as far as Carnoustie for now,
77
00:04:27,032 --> 00:04:31,110
but I'd consider Forfar if
they have their own transport.
78
00:04:31,111 --> 00:04:32,670
Brechin? Not a chance.
79
00:04:32,671 --> 00:04:34,630
Fair enough. So...
80
00:04:34,631 --> 00:04:36,349
could you put out the whispers?
What kind of whispers?
81
00:04:36,350 --> 00:04:39,829
Oh, you know, you know.
Something like, "Bob's
available for the skirt,
82
00:04:39,830 --> 00:04:41,429
"as long as they behave themselves
83
00:04:41,430 --> 00:04:43,549
"and don't start telling him about
stuff they've seen on the telly
84
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,949
"or asking him to talk
to their pals at parties."
85
00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:47,471
That's quite a whisper.
86
00:04:47,472 --> 00:04:49,711
Och, well, I'm quite a man.
87
00:04:51,751 --> 00:04:53,951
Morning, ladies. Morning.
88
00:05:07,511 --> 00:05:10,270
Oh, look, Bob,
it's the baddies.
89
00:05:10,271 --> 00:05:12,509
So it is.
Tweedledum and dickhead.
90
00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:15,231
You're lucky
I didn't have you arrested.
91
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:17,790
What for?
False imprisonment. Eh?
92
00:05:17,791 --> 00:05:19,629
You locked me in a cupboard.
93
00:05:19,630 --> 00:05:22,911
You were in there for two minutes.
Carrying on like you're Terry Waite!
94
00:05:22,912 --> 00:05:24,990
Aye, they're getting scared.
95
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:28,391
We were certainly "scared"
by your photo in this
morning's paper.
96
00:05:28,392 --> 00:05:31,910
Yeah, that was intriguing.
Were you crying?
97
00:05:31,911 --> 00:05:33,310
No.
98
00:05:33,311 --> 00:05:37,550
You don't have a partner.
Other than...
99
00:05:37,551 --> 00:05:38,909
What are you two doing here?
100
00:05:38,910 --> 00:05:43,271
My wife and I
are committed Christians.
We were simply saying hello.
101
00:05:43,272 --> 00:05:45,070
Do you know all the hymns?
102
00:05:45,071 --> 00:05:48,389
The vast majority. The vast
majority of the hymns, yes.
103
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:51,071
I presume you two gentlemen
aren't religious?
104
00:05:51,072 --> 00:05:53,030
Um... we dae Halloween.
105
00:05:53,031 --> 00:05:55,510
I'm sure you do.
Oh, it's bollocks!
106
00:05:55,511 --> 00:05:58,070
It's all part of the plan.
107
00:05:58,071 --> 00:05:59,951
You two are here
for the religious vote.
108
00:05:59,952 --> 00:06:02,230
You're an extraordinary man.
109
00:06:02,231 --> 00:06:04,590
Oh, thank you very much.
110
00:06:04,591 --> 00:06:08,029
Mr Servant, I might be in Broughty
Ferry to win a by-election,
111
00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:10,111
but there are more important things
than politics.
112
00:06:10,112 --> 00:06:12,671
No, no... you're right.
113
00:06:14,951 --> 00:06:16,791
There's more than one God mob.
114
00:06:25,911 --> 00:06:28,750
You see, the thing is,
Your Excellency,
115
00:06:28,751 --> 00:06:31,149
the Edwards boys
have bagged the Catholics
116
00:06:31,150 --> 00:06:33,431
and I want to get my message
to your fans.
117
00:06:33,432 --> 00:06:35,431
My congregation.
118
00:06:36,431 --> 00:06:38,869
I can't ever remember seeing your
faces amongst them.
119
00:06:38,870 --> 00:06:40,229
Well, I'm a first-time caller.
120
00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:43,149
Bob, I know for a fact
you told people I was a wizard.
121
00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:45,749
Oh, no, no,
that was a genuine mistake.
122
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:48,151
I saw a documentary.
Things got jumbled.
123
00:06:48,152 --> 00:06:49,910
I won't be endorsing
124
00:06:49,911 --> 00:06:52,909
any of the candidates. No,
you wouldn't have to endorse us.
125
00:06:52,910 --> 00:06:55,431
Just drop a subtle hint
to the punters.
126
00:06:55,432 --> 00:06:57,470
Oh, aye? Such as?
127
00:06:57,471 --> 00:07:00,951
Such as, er..."Thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory.
128
00:07:00,952 --> 00:07:05,350
"Vote Bob Servant.
Ding-dong! Merrily on high."
129
00:07:05,351 --> 00:07:07,509
How about you, Frank?
Are you religious?
130
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:11,629
Well, I... well,
I came here when I was wee
for Sunday school.
131
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,231
Well, we'd welcome you back.
132
00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:16,470
I'd be a lot bigger
than the other boys.
133
00:07:16,471 --> 00:07:20,990
Look, if you two are serious,
why don't you stay
for the day?
134
00:07:20,991 --> 00:07:22,510
The day?
135
00:07:22,511 --> 00:07:24,749
Yeah, if you want to represent
Broughty Ferry,
136
00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:26,509
then you should know what we do here.
137
00:07:26,510 --> 00:07:28,909
Well, is it no just singsongs
and horoscopes?
138
00:07:28,910 --> 00:07:30,629
There's a lot more to it
than that, Bob.
139
00:07:30,630 --> 00:07:33,271
Sorry, pal,
I've got a campaign to run.
140
00:07:33,272 --> 00:07:36,071
Ah, well, I tried.
141
00:07:40,271 --> 00:07:41,910
Who's that?
142
00:07:41,911 --> 00:07:44,310
Kirsty's one of our volunteers.
143
00:07:44,311 --> 00:07:47,311
Well, you've just got yourself
two more volunteers. Is that so?
144
00:07:47,312 --> 00:07:50,310
A few hours.
We can spare a few hours.
145
00:07:50,311 --> 00:07:52,669
After all,
a bit of community service
146
00:07:52,670 --> 00:07:54,669
wouldnae come amiss.
No, no, no.
147
00:07:54,670 --> 00:07:56,469
You guys get yourselves home.
148
00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:59,911
As the Bible says,
"You yourself are God's temple."
149
00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:04,430
Ah, but, as the Bible also says,
"The customer is always right."
150
00:08:04,431 --> 00:08:06,110
Maybe you should stay.
151
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:08,549
Good. I'll help Kirsty
with the flowers.
152
00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:10,951
Oh, I think we can do better
than that.
153
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,270
This is embarrassing, Bob.
154
00:08:22,271 --> 00:08:24,311
Imagine what it's like for me.
155
00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:26,311
Oh-oh-oh!
156
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,351
Aye.
157
00:08:31,631 --> 00:08:35,471
Into the valley of death
rode good old Bob.
158
00:08:46,951 --> 00:08:49,070
Bob Servant, independent.
159
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:52,911
Standing in the by-election,
doing what I can for the people.
160
00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:55,670
I shoot from the hip.
161
00:08:55,671 --> 00:08:58,191
Well, I think that's really cool.
162
00:08:59,311 --> 00:09:02,071
Those politicians could do with
someone ruffling their feathers.
163
00:09:02,072 --> 00:09:04,590
Oh, I'll ruffle their feathers.
164
00:09:04,591 --> 00:09:06,590
I'll rip their beaks off.
165
00:09:06,591 --> 00:09:08,630
I'm Kirsty.
166
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,150
I was, er... watching you
167
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:13,351
from over there.
168
00:09:14,351 --> 00:09:15,631
You look like an angel...
169
00:09:16,871 --> 00:09:20,151
apart from not having
the fish bit, obviously.
170
00:09:21,271 --> 00:09:23,190
Sorry, that's mermaids.
171
00:09:23,191 --> 00:09:24,550
What's mermaids?
172
00:09:24,551 --> 00:09:26,951
It's mermaids that have
the fish bit, not angels.
173
00:09:28,471 --> 00:09:31,310
That makes a bit more sense. Anyway,
174
00:09:31,311 --> 00:09:32,911
I'll let you get on.
175
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:43,949
Oh, she's a wonderful
woman, Frank. She dances to
the beat of her own drum.
176
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:47,191
He really carries off the beard,
doesn't he, Bob?
177
00:09:47,192 --> 00:09:48,950
Not a lot of men can.
178
00:09:48,951 --> 00:09:53,031
What's her story, do you think?
He absolutely nails it.
179
00:10:01,391 --> 00:10:03,271
Hello.
180
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:07,111
Are you a...
181
00:10:08,431 --> 00:10:09,590
Gardener.
182
00:10:09,591 --> 00:10:11,471
I was going to say disciple.
183
00:10:12,711 --> 00:10:14,631
Gardener.
Ah.
184
00:10:15,631 --> 00:10:18,189
I've just been talking to Kirsty
in there.
185
00:10:18,190 --> 00:10:19,671
Any whispers about her?
186
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:21,910
Whispers?
187
00:10:21,911 --> 00:10:24,630
You know, likes, dislikes, hobbies.
188
00:10:24,631 --> 00:10:26,869
Funny things that have happened
to her.
189
00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:30,109
So I can pretend that the same
funny things have happened to me.
190
00:10:30,110 --> 00:10:32,469
The two of us look at each other
as if to say,
191
00:10:32,470 --> 00:10:34,149
"Oh, what's that all about?"
192
00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:36,631
I don't really know her, pal.
I cannae help you.
193
00:10:38,831 --> 00:10:40,031
Are you frightened?
194
00:10:41,791 --> 00:10:42,831
Sorry?
195
00:10:45,431 --> 00:10:47,791
Are they holding you here
against your will?
196
00:10:48,791 --> 00:10:50,310
Listen.
197
00:10:50,311 --> 00:10:54,711
If you want to escape,
the two of us can get you out.
198
00:11:09,671 --> 00:11:11,670
Do you like my hair?
199
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,430
It's me, Bob.
200
00:11:13,431 --> 00:11:14,590
So it is.
201
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,671
Oh, you've got
an admirable sense of humour.
202
00:11:17,831 --> 00:11:20,349
I suppose your husband
cannae be very happy,
203
00:11:20,350 --> 00:11:22,751
you spending all your time
at the church?
204
00:11:22,752 --> 00:11:24,670
I bet he just sits at home,
205
00:11:24,671 --> 00:11:27,029
looks at photos of you
and tries on your cardigans.
206
00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:28,591
My husband died last year.
207
00:11:28,592 --> 00:11:30,271
Died? Oh, dear.
208
00:11:31,511 --> 00:11:34,910
Well, I'm sure he's up there
somewhere. Hm?
209
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:37,190
Watching you dust
210
00:11:37,191 --> 00:11:40,829
and saying, "Oh, look, look, Kirsty!
Kirsty, you've missed a bit!
211
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:43,869
"Oh, darling, darling,
you should live a little.
212
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,309
"Let that lovely hair
of yours down."
213
00:11:46,310 --> 00:11:48,511
What's the password for the Wi-Fi?
214
00:11:48,512 --> 00:11:49,750
Bob?
215
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,310
What?
216
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,311
We're about to start
our afternoon prayer group.
217
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:57,310
I thought it might be educational
for you to take part.
218
00:11:57,311 --> 00:11:59,190
Oh. Are you coming?
219
00:11:59,191 --> 00:12:01,711
Oh, I think Kirsty's got enough
on her plate, don't you?
220
00:12:05,311 --> 00:12:07,671
This is a stitch-up.
221
00:12:08,911 --> 00:12:11,271
Claire, why don't you start us off?
222
00:12:12,991 --> 00:12:17,110
Yeah, I would like to ask
for a prayer for my boy, Owen.
223
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,830
He's been
behaving very badly indeed.
224
00:12:19,831 --> 00:12:21,390
Here we go.
225
00:12:21,391 --> 00:12:24,070
He's just so disobedient.
226
00:12:24,071 --> 00:12:27,510
If he doesn't get his cartoons,
he has a tantrum.
227
00:12:27,511 --> 00:12:29,351
If he doesn't get his juice,
he has a tantrum.
228
00:12:29,352 --> 00:12:31,510
Sounds like Frank.
229
00:12:31,511 --> 00:12:32,751
Very good!
230
00:12:33,511 --> 00:12:35,470
Carry on, Claire.
231
00:12:35,471 --> 00:12:37,350
I'm just at my wits' end.
232
00:12:37,351 --> 00:12:40,311
You're a wonderful mother, Claire.
You'll get through this.
233
00:12:40,312 --> 00:12:42,030
Thank you, Ruby.
234
00:12:42,031 --> 00:12:44,830
God loves you and your son.
235
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:47,831
And God supports you. Amen.
236
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:56,271
Well, you all know what I'm gonna
ask for. Another prayer for my car.
237
00:12:57,951 --> 00:13:00,150
Are they drunk?
238
00:13:00,151 --> 00:13:02,111
Happy. My clutch brake friction
springs
239
00:13:02,112 --> 00:13:03,710
are knackered.
240
00:13:03,711 --> 00:13:06,590
You remember what happened
the last time?
241
00:13:06,591 --> 00:13:08,509
One prayer
and they fixed themselves.
242
00:13:08,510 --> 00:13:12,511
Well, God loves you and your clutch
brake friction springs.
243
00:13:12,512 --> 00:13:14,871
And God supports you. Amen.
244
00:13:17,991 --> 00:13:20,629
On a more serious note,
I'd like to thank everyone here
245
00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:23,229
for their prayers over the last
few months for my wife.
246
00:13:23,230 --> 00:13:24,791
As you know, she's pulling through.
247
00:13:24,792 --> 00:13:27,870
And, well, the doctors are wonderful,
248
00:13:27,871 --> 00:13:32,350
but I know that your prayers
are doing their bit too.
249
00:13:32,351 --> 00:13:34,710
God loves you and your wife.
250
00:13:34,711 --> 00:13:37,230
And God supports you.
251
00:13:37,231 --> 00:13:39,311
Amen.
Supports you.
252
00:13:40,591 --> 00:13:42,230
I'm OK, thanks.
253
00:13:42,231 --> 00:13:45,471
On you go, Bob.
Whatever's on your mind.
254
00:13:47,631 --> 00:13:49,151
Er...
255
00:13:51,911 --> 00:13:53,151
Well, er...
256
00:13:54,631 --> 00:13:57,950
I've decided
to get myself a girlfriend,
257
00:13:57,951 --> 00:14:01,430
because Frank made me
look stupid in the papers.
258
00:14:01,431 --> 00:14:04,909
Over the years, I've had some
unbelievable adventures with
the skirt.
259
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:07,831
I mean, I could tell you some
stories, but I'm not sure
if they'd be quite...
260
00:14:07,832 --> 00:14:11,270
I don't think so.
Oh, just one, then! Um...
261
00:14:11,271 --> 00:14:16,431
Er... that woman in Safeway's
with the turnips.
262
00:14:19,711 --> 00:14:20,870
No.
263
00:14:20,871 --> 00:14:22,951
That muscular woman at the car wash.
264
00:14:22,952 --> 00:14:24,510
No!
265
00:14:24,511 --> 00:14:26,110
I really don't think...
266
00:14:26,111 --> 00:14:27,351
Oh, Invergowrie!
267
00:14:29,031 --> 00:14:31,870
Invergowrie! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Oh!
268
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,710
There was this one day...
269
00:14:33,711 --> 00:14:36,110
Bob...
..on the train to Perth.
270
00:14:36,111 --> 00:14:37,510
Bob...
271
00:14:37,511 --> 00:14:39,469
I said to her, I said,
"Here we are in the cheap seats,
272
00:14:39,470 --> 00:14:43,029
"and certain parts of your body
belong in the first class carriage."
273
00:14:43,030 --> 00:14:45,069
Bob... Well, we got off at
Invergowrie...
274
00:14:45,070 --> 00:14:47,189
Bob... and we went and
found a shed...
275
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,431
Bob, no! ..and we...
276
00:14:49,511 --> 00:14:52,551
Well, you get the gist.
I mean, he does anyway.
277
00:14:54,151 --> 00:14:57,511
When you get older, I mean, all the
best skirt's been picked off.
278
00:14:57,512 --> 00:15:01,670
I mean, I'm seriously,
seriously considering
279
00:15:01,671 --> 00:15:05,030
one with big glasses
and another one wi' a limp.
280
00:15:05,031 --> 00:15:07,311
And that's... that's just ridiculous.
281
00:15:07,312 --> 00:15:10,430
Bob, love can strike at any time.
282
00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:13,630
There must be some women
find you attractive.
283
00:15:13,631 --> 00:15:16,350
- Well, you'd think so.
- Absolutely.
284
00:15:16,351 --> 00:15:19,630
You're very... eclectic.
285
00:15:19,631 --> 00:15:21,031
I work out.
286
00:15:22,031 --> 00:15:24,670
This is the home of the Lord.
287
00:15:24,671 --> 00:15:28,511
You can find an answer to anything
in this building. You just have
to ask.
288
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:30,550
Oh.
289
00:15:30,551 --> 00:15:33,111
You mean I could still
have a wee shottie at, er...
290
00:15:33,112 --> 00:15:36,231
Well done, Bob. God loves you.
291
00:15:37,431 --> 00:15:40,430
And God supports you. Amen.
292
00:15:40,431 --> 00:15:41,790
Oh, thank you.
293
00:15:41,791 --> 00:15:44,831
Thank you. Thank you very much.
294
00:15:48,831 --> 00:15:52,271
I get the most awful depressions.
295
00:15:53,471 --> 00:15:55,111
Dinnae spoil it, Frank.
296
00:15:58,231 --> 00:16:00,151
That lot said I should ask you
for your tea tonight.
297
00:16:00,152 --> 00:16:03,270
Oh, I... I'm not sure about that.
298
00:16:03,271 --> 00:16:06,751
I know it's daft, but I still feel
my husband's spirit watching over me.
299
00:16:06,752 --> 00:16:08,590
Simple. Table for three!
300
00:16:08,591 --> 00:16:11,511
We'll put out a saucer of milk
and a carrot.
301
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,671
Oh, no, that's Santa, isn't it?
302
00:16:14,711 --> 00:16:18,470
Frank! Frank can be our chaperone!
303
00:16:18,471 --> 00:16:20,270
For what? Tonight.
304
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,269
We're taking Kirsty for her tea.
305
00:16:22,270 --> 00:16:24,031
I've got my swimming lessons.
306
00:16:24,032 --> 00:16:29,350
Er... well, there is a lovely new
restaurant, Surf And Turf.
307
00:16:29,351 --> 00:16:33,070
Well, let's surf! On the campaign!
308
00:16:33,071 --> 00:16:35,630
Ah, well, within reason.
309
00:16:35,631 --> 00:16:39,951
I mean, starter and a main course
or a main course and a pudding.
310
00:16:39,952 --> 00:16:42,471
It's one or the other. OK.
311
00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:54,949
Cancel the whispers, Norrie.
312
00:16:54,950 --> 00:16:57,631
I'm out tonight.
I need something special.
313
00:17:01,351 --> 00:17:04,269
Top quality leather, gentlemen.
Handmade. Waterproof.
314
00:17:04,270 --> 00:17:06,231
Waterproof? Did I say waterproof?
315
00:17:06,232 --> 00:17:09,751
Somebody said waterproof.
It must be waterproof.
316
00:17:18,191 --> 00:17:20,711
Start the bus.
317
00:17:29,231 --> 00:17:30,430
How much? 200.
318
00:17:30,431 --> 00:17:33,110
Is that pounds?
Yeah, it's pounds.
319
00:17:33,111 --> 00:17:34,549
This is special leather, lads.
320
00:17:34,550 --> 00:17:36,429
It's only taken aff the cow's backs.
321
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,429
It's basically
what THEY use as jackets.
322
00:17:38,430 --> 00:17:41,149
Norrie, I'll take it.
Frank, it's on the campaign.
323
00:17:41,150 --> 00:17:44,549
Now, look, Bob, I'm not sure
if we can... You know, Norrie,
back in the '80s,
324
00:17:44,550 --> 00:17:47,711
I had a jacket that was
an absolute game-changer!
325
00:17:47,712 --> 00:17:51,030
In that jacket,
I felt like an astronaut.
326
00:17:51,031 --> 00:17:54,431
Everyone in Broughty Ferry loved it,
even the boo-boys.
327
00:17:54,432 --> 00:18:00,750
People would stop me in the street
and say "Hello, Bob, is that
your special jacket?"
328
00:18:00,751 --> 00:18:03,551
And I'd say... yes.
329
00:18:04,511 --> 00:18:08,030
Well, what happened?
What happened?
330
00:18:08,031 --> 00:18:10,550
I left it in the burger van one day,
331
00:18:10,551 --> 00:18:13,470
and someone not too far from us
332
00:18:13,471 --> 00:18:16,229
spilt an industrial-size bucket
of brown sauce on it.
333
00:18:16,230 --> 00:18:17,551
That's what happened.
334
00:18:17,552 --> 00:18:19,950
Norrie, we'll take it.
335
00:18:19,951 --> 00:18:22,590
There's a bus crash in Menzieshill.
336
00:18:22,591 --> 00:18:24,470
Oh, nice one. Serious?
337
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:29,710
Well, the... the bus passengers were
"shaken up".
338
00:18:29,711 --> 00:18:32,509
Shaken up? Not exactly the Titanic,
is it?
339
00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:35,671
Come on, Frank,
give me something I can work wi'.
340
00:18:35,672 --> 00:18:40,510
Oh. There's a woman in Downfield
lost her guinea pig,
341
00:18:40,511 --> 00:18:42,470
and...
342
00:18:42,471 --> 00:18:44,990
it came back the next day.
343
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,510
Francis.
344
00:18:46,511 --> 00:18:50,191
Unless the guinea pig came back
speaking French and dressed
as a cowboy,
345
00:18:50,192 --> 00:18:51,750
it's nae use to me!
346
00:18:51,751 --> 00:18:54,270
You've seen Kirsty. She's kooky.
347
00:18:54,271 --> 00:18:56,791
I need something kooky.
Give me kooky, Frank, kooky!
348
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:02,311
Well, there's... there's a boy in
Lochee got his head stuck in
a bucket.
349
00:19:02,312 --> 00:19:04,230
There's my opener!
350
00:19:04,231 --> 00:19:06,831
Starter for ten! Saddle me up!
351
00:19:17,431 --> 00:19:20,351
Ah! There she is!
352
00:19:24,791 --> 00:19:28,151
Good evening, Kirsty.
I'm... I'm Bob's friend, Frank.
353
00:19:28,152 --> 00:19:30,070
We've met.
354
00:19:30,071 --> 00:19:33,350
There seems to be a problem
with the table?
355
00:19:33,351 --> 00:19:35,750
You only booked a table for two.
356
00:19:35,751 --> 00:19:38,151
Did you forget about me?
357
00:19:39,191 --> 00:19:43,790
Well, I've already had my tea,
by mistake,
358
00:19:43,791 --> 00:19:46,551
er... so I'm... I'm just going
to have a... a drink at the bar
359
00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:48,630
and not get in anyone's way.
360
00:19:48,631 --> 00:19:50,911
Well, of course,
that's your decision, Frank!
361
00:19:52,351 --> 00:19:55,630
Perhaps you'd like to become
Bob's girlfriend
362
00:19:55,631 --> 00:19:58,470
and be in his poster?
363
00:19:58,471 --> 00:20:05,231
But there's no pressure. I mean,
for now just enjoy your tea
and see how you feel.
364
00:20:06,631 --> 00:20:09,551
Thank you, Frank.
And you'll be at the bar?
365
00:20:10,871 --> 00:20:12,591
At the bar, Kirsty, yes.
366
00:20:15,671 --> 00:20:17,191
Shall we go?
367
00:20:23,791 --> 00:20:26,390
Can I take your jacket, sir?
Not yet.
368
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,951
I want her to get the full benefit.
369
00:20:34,951 --> 00:20:36,871
You look lovely.
370
00:20:38,591 --> 00:20:40,711
Your eyes are like...
371
00:20:53,911 --> 00:20:55,910
grapes.
372
00:20:55,911 --> 00:20:58,110
In what way?
In every way.
373
00:20:58,111 --> 00:21:01,150
And you've got the make-up
just right.
374
00:21:01,151 --> 00:21:04,190
You know, sometimes
it can be a bit clowny.
375
00:21:04,191 --> 00:21:07,429
My mother used to say
a woman shouldn't hide her flaws.
376
00:21:07,430 --> 00:21:09,829
Here, did you hear
about the boy in Lochee?
377
00:21:09,830 --> 00:21:12,069
With the bucket?
Aye! The bucket!
378
00:21:12,070 --> 00:21:14,551
Ha-ha-ha-ha! The bucket!
The bucket! Ha-ha!
379
00:21:14,552 --> 00:21:16,110
That was awful.
380
00:21:16,111 --> 00:21:18,431
Terrible. A tragedy.
381
00:21:19,631 --> 00:21:23,271
You know I'm thinking seriously
of doing something for the lad.
382
00:21:23,272 --> 00:21:24,990
Shrink his head?
383
00:21:24,991 --> 00:21:27,751
I thought a fun run or something.
384
00:21:31,031 --> 00:21:32,070
Oh!
385
00:21:32,071 --> 00:21:33,590
Do you know, Kirsty,
386
00:21:33,591 --> 00:21:35,229
you know, when I came to the church
387
00:21:35,230 --> 00:21:37,149
and got baptised...
You weren't baptised.
388
00:21:37,150 --> 00:21:38,831
And met yourself,
I started to think...
389
00:21:38,832 --> 00:21:41,830
Bob, we're not in church any more.
390
00:21:41,831 --> 00:21:45,671
I'm sure there's more interesting
subjects we can talk about.
391
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:47,191
Oh.
392
00:21:48,631 --> 00:21:51,631
Want to open the Bob file, do we?
393
00:21:54,311 --> 00:21:55,951
Tell me about your campaign.
394
00:21:55,952 --> 00:21:59,470
Oh, like the politics, do we?
395
00:21:59,471 --> 00:22:01,471
Ah, well, I'm sure I could explain
things.
396
00:22:01,472 --> 00:22:06,470
I saw... is it the Edwards earlier?
They were handing out tomato soup.
397
00:22:06,471 --> 00:22:07,590
Disgusting.
398
00:22:07,591 --> 00:22:10,230
The soup?
The Edwards.
399
00:22:10,231 --> 00:22:12,270
Right!
400
00:22:12,271 --> 00:22:15,150
Shall we risk their wine?
401
00:22:15,151 --> 00:22:18,550
Hey, you haven't got to work
tomorrow, have you?
402
00:22:18,551 --> 00:22:20,310
I don't work.
403
00:22:20,311 --> 00:22:21,790
Not at all?
404
00:22:21,791 --> 00:22:25,429
When my husband died, I received
a large insurance settlement.
405
00:22:25,430 --> 00:22:28,989
A silver lining on what
must have been a very sad cloud.
406
00:22:28,990 --> 00:22:32,429
I didn't even know he had a fully
comprehensive life insurance policy
407
00:22:32,430 --> 00:22:34,991
covering any form
of accidental death.
408
00:22:35,991 --> 00:22:37,871
If I could ask...
409
00:22:39,231 --> 00:22:40,710
how did he go?
410
00:22:40,711 --> 00:22:43,271
He slipped away.
411
00:22:44,751 --> 00:22:46,910
Dare I say... measles?
412
00:22:46,911 --> 00:22:49,350
No, he slipped away.
413
00:22:49,351 --> 00:22:52,511
We were down at the pier,
and he fell in.
414
00:22:54,111 --> 00:22:55,870
Down there? Mm-hm.
415
00:22:55,871 --> 00:22:57,911
It was high tide.
416
00:22:59,031 --> 00:23:00,791
There was nothing I could do.
417
00:23:02,071 --> 00:23:03,551
What are you having?
418
00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:07,749
What about the lifeboat?
Bank holiday.
419
00:23:07,750 --> 00:23:10,869
Could you not have thrown him
a ring? There wasn't time.
420
00:23:10,870 --> 00:23:14,191
He fell in, he splashed about
for a bit and then he was gone.
421
00:23:14,192 --> 00:23:16,590
Gone in seconds. Sunk.
422
00:23:16,591 --> 00:23:18,791
What was he wearing,
a suit of armour?
423
00:23:21,671 --> 00:23:23,631
We should order.
424
00:23:32,831 --> 00:23:35,791
Are ye in for a bite to eat?
Yeah.
425
00:23:38,551 --> 00:23:42,830
I'm just watching those two.
Oh, right. OK.
426
00:23:42,831 --> 00:23:45,310
So, you've never been married?
427
00:23:45,311 --> 00:23:49,310
Oh, no. No, I've dodged
that particular sledgehammer.
428
00:23:49,311 --> 00:23:51,510
But, you know, never say never.
429
00:23:51,511 --> 00:23:54,991
As I always say, there's more
than one chair in my extension.
430
00:23:54,992 --> 00:23:56,430
Ah!
431
00:23:56,431 --> 00:23:57,630
Right!
432
00:23:57,631 --> 00:24:02,510
I'll have the chops, and tell the
chef to have a bit of fun with them.
433
00:24:02,511 --> 00:24:03,550
Ah, no, Bob.
434
00:24:03,551 --> 00:24:07,070
You must have the haddock.
It's very popular.
435
00:24:07,071 --> 00:24:08,591
Oh, it is, is it?
436
00:24:09,551 --> 00:24:12,790
Well, I suppose if I must
have the haddock...
437
00:24:12,791 --> 00:24:14,510
I must.
438
00:24:14,511 --> 00:24:17,470
Steak for me. Bloody.
439
00:24:17,471 --> 00:24:21,669
You're the independent candidate
for the by-election, aren't you?
440
00:24:21,670 --> 00:24:24,349
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
That's part of who I am.
441
00:24:24,350 --> 00:24:26,391
We had the Edwards in here earlier.
442
00:24:26,392 --> 00:24:29,470
Oh. Oh, did you now?
443
00:24:29,471 --> 00:24:31,551
Anyway, I'm sure
you'll enjoy your haddock.
444
00:24:31,552 --> 00:24:34,631
Oh, you'll love the haddock.
445
00:24:45,511 --> 00:24:47,031
I can see clearly now.
446
00:24:48,471 --> 00:24:51,311
The rain... has gone.
447
00:24:52,511 --> 00:24:54,511
Safe journey home.
448
00:25:00,311 --> 00:25:01,551
Kirsty's a hit man.
449
00:25:01,552 --> 00:25:04,110
Right.
She murdered her husband.
450
00:25:04,111 --> 00:25:06,709
The Edwards have hired her
to kill me.
451
00:25:06,710 --> 00:25:09,069
The waiter's in on it. They're going
to poison me with haddock.
452
00:25:09,070 --> 00:25:11,269
Right. I should have
pieced that together.
453
00:25:11,270 --> 00:25:13,629
There's nae time
to point the fingers, Frank.
454
00:25:13,630 --> 00:25:15,791
We've got to ride this one out.
Code red.
455
00:25:15,792 --> 00:25:17,230
Doors to manual.
456
00:25:17,231 --> 00:25:19,191
Mayday!
457
00:25:37,631 --> 00:25:39,230
Is everything OK?
458
00:25:39,231 --> 00:25:43,150
Oh... potato, pot-tah-toe.
459
00:25:43,151 --> 00:25:45,470
Ah! Here it is.
460
00:25:45,471 --> 00:25:47,711
My last supper.
461
00:25:51,591 --> 00:25:53,990
Enjoy.
Looks delicious.
462
00:25:53,991 --> 00:25:58,310
Oh, and I suppose you two want me
just to eat this all up,
463
00:25:58,311 --> 00:26:00,790
don't you?
Is that not the plan?
464
00:26:00,791 --> 00:26:03,391
Oh, you admit
that there's a plan?
465
00:26:08,471 --> 00:26:09,911
Oh, oh!
466
00:26:10,951 --> 00:26:12,991
Where's the wire? The wire?
467
00:26:14,031 --> 00:26:15,631
There's always a wire.
468
00:26:16,551 --> 00:26:18,070
Sorry, I don't...
469
00:26:18,071 --> 00:26:19,630
Where's the wire?!
470
00:26:19,631 --> 00:26:21,951
Get down, please, Bob!
471
00:26:27,111 --> 00:26:32,230
So! Edwards thought he could
JFK me with a haddock, did he?
472
00:26:32,231 --> 00:26:36,069
Well, you tell him, you tell him
from me, that if he comes for me
again,
473
00:26:36,070 --> 00:26:38,791
it'll be Black Hawk Down
Broughty Ferry!
474
00:26:38,792 --> 00:26:40,791
And as for you, sweetheart...
475
00:26:42,111 --> 00:26:44,391
so sorry, darling...
476
00:26:45,671 --> 00:26:47,711
but I don't date assassins.
477
00:26:50,871 --> 00:26:53,711
That's true, he doesn't.
478
00:27:07,391 --> 00:27:09,470
Mary? Bob. 'Bob?'
479
00:27:09,471 --> 00:27:11,511
Servant!
480
00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:14,471
What about contact lenses, Mary?
481
00:27:14,472 --> 00:27:16,590
'I don't like contact lenses.'
482
00:27:16,591 --> 00:27:18,511
Could you cover your glasses up?
483
00:27:18,512 --> 00:27:20,471
Little curtains?
484
00:27:22,431 --> 00:27:24,431
Mary? Mary?
485
00:27:25,471 --> 00:27:27,471
Hello? Oh.
486
00:27:28,551 --> 00:27:31,430
No ambitions, pal.
Her loss.
487
00:27:31,431 --> 00:27:34,751
♪ Do you ever think back
on old memories like that
488
00:27:34,752 --> 00:27:38,110
♪ Or do I ever cross your mind...? ♪
489
00:27:38,111 --> 00:27:40,431
Well, sing it, Dolly.
490
00:27:43,471 --> 00:27:46,350
Right, Frank, new poster.
491
00:27:46,351 --> 00:27:48,590
People of Broughty Ferry.
492
00:27:48,591 --> 00:27:50,911
Bob Servant Independent
hereby announce
493
00:27:50,912 --> 00:27:55,270
we are no longer interested
in the God mob or the skirt.
494
00:27:55,271 --> 00:27:57,549
The God mob just try
and trick you with the Bible,
495
00:27:57,550 --> 00:27:59,349
when all they want is their
floor mopped.
496
00:27:59,350 --> 00:28:03,669
And as for the skirt, well,
I very kindly made myself available
497
00:28:03,670 --> 00:28:06,029
and ended up buying tea
for a murderer!
498
00:28:06,030 --> 00:28:10,311
So that's it! No skirt and no
religion, and while we're at it...
499
00:28:10,312 --> 00:28:13,990
Ah! I shall be returning
to my signature jacket.
500
00:28:13,991 --> 00:28:18,431
And if anybody has any problem
with that, they can just fucking
whistle for it!
501
00:28:20,111 --> 00:28:22,269
Vote Bob Servant.
All the very best. Et cetera.
502
00:28:22,270 --> 00:28:24,469
Get that down to the printers ASAP.
503
00:28:24,470 --> 00:28:27,711
Well, we'll maybe check it over
in the morning, Bob.
504
00:28:31,951 --> 00:28:33,231
Bob?
505
00:28:38,207 --> 00:28:46,114
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
506
00:28:46,151 --> 00:28:48,151
Thank you, darling.
I love you.