1 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,680 Good sausages. 2 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,200 ALARM 3 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:13,960 (BREAKS WIND) 4 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,920 Oh, Rob! 5 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,960 Leone? 6 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,120 Leone! 7 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,480 Leone! 8 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,360 Leone? 9 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,840 Morning, matey-boy. 10 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,840 Good morning. Lovely weather for it! Come on. 11 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:34,560 Where are we going? We're borrowing Barry's trailer. 12 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:38,360 Does he mind? He's on holiday. He'll never know. 13 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:43,160 Do we really need a trailer? Course we do. There are five of us. 14 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,560 We're not going to sit with all that booze on our laps, are we? 15 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,080 No, I suppose not. 16 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,760 Bit of T-Cut, that'll polish out no problem. 17 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,200 All right, Rob? 18 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,960 All right. Come to help me hitch this up? 19 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,360 Not really. I don't do manual, I'm more strategic. 20 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,520 Ahh. Rob...you know Clive? Lives over the back of me. 21 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,760 Hello. How do you do? 22 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,680 I saw you before you were at the... HORN HONKS 23 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:33,240 Who's this, then? My future son-in-law. That's Daniel. 24 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,280 Right. So he's coming, too, is he? Yes. 25 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:37,360 Am I late? 26 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,880 No, no. Morning. 27 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,040 Ahh, so you're young Daniel, are you? 28 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,840 I'm Dave. 29 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:48,400 Come to give us a hand, have you? Have I? Oh, right. Yeah. 30 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:53,800 This is Rob. Have nothing to do with him. Nothing but trouble. 31 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:55,480 All right. All right. 32 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,840 Well, come on, then. Sling your coats in. The back's open. 33 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,120 Where's Gerry? He's cutting it a bit fine. 34 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:04,720 Oh, Gerry's not coming. Shirley's got him doing the back bedroom. 35 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,640 So it's just the four of us? 36 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,800 Er...no, it's still five. 37 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:13,320 So, if Gerry can't make it, who's coming? 38 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,920 You can't be serious? It was Cath's idea. 39 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,400 She got talking to his old lady. 40 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,680 Is there a problem? A problem? 41 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,000 (LAUGHS) 42 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,240 Morning. Morning. 43 00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:33,680 Morning all. Looks like it's going to be a lovely day. 44 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,440 Yeah, peachy. 45 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:40,880 Clive, this is Maurice. How do you do? 46 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,640 He lives over the back of me. Hazeldean. Very nice. 47 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,680 This is Daniel. 48 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,120 How do. He's marrying my daughter Chloe. 49 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,880 The social event of the year, eh, matey-boy? 50 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,920 Well, come on, then. Wagons roll. 51 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,960 Pile in, Daniel. 52 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,720 Erm...excuse me? 53 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,840 Yes? I sit in the front. 54 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,400 Tell him, Dave, don't I? I always go in the front. 55 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:11,040 I don't do very well in the backs of cars, so if you wouldn't mind... 56 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,680 (Pompous prat.) 57 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,880 Why's he coming along? It's the wedding. 58 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,360 He wanted to save a few bob on the champagne. My idea. 59 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,480 You're really on a roll, aren't you? 60 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,640 Where am I supposed to sit? In the trailer? 61 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,320 Why not put your crap in the back? 62 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:39,080 Better still, why don't you get in the back? Leave the crap in the car. 63 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,600 Are you off, then? 64 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,320 Have a lovely time. Drive safely. 65 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:59,800 Oh, thanks, babe. Yeah, we should be back before eight. 66 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:02,680 Have a nice day, boys. Play nicely. 67 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,680 Hey, don't forget my Cinzano. 68 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,680 I won't forget your Cinzano. 69 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,000 Right. Calais, here we come. 70 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,560 Right, Clive... 71 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,640 # FREE: All Right Now 72 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,640 # There she stood 73 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,840 # In the street 74 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,200 # Smiling from her head to her feet 75 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,920 # Uh, hey-hey 76 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,240 # What is this? 77 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,640 # So, baby, baby, baby... need of a kiss 78 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:03,240 # I said "Hey, all goes so fast" # A bit early for all this, isn't it? 79 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:07,280 Radio Two doesn't seem to think so. I'm not really a Radio Two person. 80 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,080 May I? SWITCHES RADIO OFF 81 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:13,240 I'm with you, only I didn't like to say anything. Not one to complain. 82 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,280 Do what? You do nothing but complain. 83 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,400 I only complain when I have a valid thing to complain about. 84 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:22,760 Like your shed. Like my shed. Like your shed. Here we go. 85 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,280 When are you going to get it through that grotesque dome of yours 86 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,080 that it is my shed? 87 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,080 MINE. I can do what I want with it. 88 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,520 You should see it, Clive. It's a disgrace. 89 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,560 You can't see it from your place because of your fir trees. 90 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,880 They're Lalandei. When are you going to cut them back? 91 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,840 When you get rid of that eyesore. 92 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,200 It's not an eyesore, that's my wine cellar. 93 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:47,400 Thanks to your trees, it's the coldest place on the property. 94 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:51,000 For goodness' sake. Are we going to have this bickering all day? 95 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:54,640 I thought the idea was to have a pleasant time in France. 96 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,880 And it is, matey-boy. It is. And we will have, won't we, Rob? 97 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,560 Rob? Yes. 98 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,120 Blinding. 99 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,360 Maurice? You'll have no trouble from me. 100 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,360 We're in Europe now, aren't we? For crying out loud. 101 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,080 You still need a passport, Dan. 102 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:53,280 Oh, dear, dear, dear. You've got a real winner here, Clive. 103 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,120 I didn't know. 104 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,680 What are we going to do now? 105 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,080 What? 106 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,480 Well, that's one way of dealing with the problem, I suppose. 107 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,240 (GRUNTS) 108 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,280 Oww! 109 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,880 GULLS CRY 110 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,720 Can I ask...why are we here so early? 111 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,000 To beat the rush. 112 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,040 Right, yes. 113 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,120 Well, we've certainly done that. 114 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,920 If you come this time, you get a cracking good deal. 115 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,840 It's saved us at least 20 quid. 116 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,360 That's 20 quid each, yeah? Don't be ridiculous. 117 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:22,440 You got us up at half-past five just to save four quid a head? 118 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,480 Mmm. 119 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:30,880 Well, look on the bright side, matey-boy, we'll be first on. 120 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,160 Hello, Adrian, it's me. Could you call me as soon as you get this? 121 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,560 I'm on my mobile all day. Thanks. Bye. 122 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,240 TURNS PHONE OFF 123 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,440 Look at the time, we should've been away hours ago. 124 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,520 There's no point in getting agitated. 125 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,880 The captain didn't hit the jetty on purpose. 126 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:12,040 Here you are. Oh, thank you. Any word? 127 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,360 They're waiting for another boat to come in. 128 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,120 Why do we have to go on a French boat in the first place? 129 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,600 You don't. You can stay here. 130 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,960 This has thrown my schedule out. There's not a lot you can do. 131 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,800 Here you are. Ta. 132 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,760 Hello? 133 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,920 Hello. 134 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:28,960 Hello? 135 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,400 Is anybody there? Shh! Daniel, keep it down. 136 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,160 I really need a pee. Shouldn't be too long, old mate. 137 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,200 Just cross your legs, huh? 138 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,000 Will we make it to Cafe De La Mairie for lunch? 139 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,640 Oh, we're not going there this time, Rob. 140 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,720 What do you mean? We always go there. 141 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:51,240 Clive suggested a little place in Boulogne he thought we might like. 142 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,720 Oh, has he? That's nice. We have to do what Clive says now, do we? 143 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,240 Come on, Rob. It's not like that. Oh, no? 144 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:02,040 I always sit in the front. Now I'm stuck in the back. 145 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:06,560 We go to the same place for lunch. Now it's somewhere else because Lord Muck says so! 146 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,400 What do you want me to do? Say no. 147 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,360 Blinding trip this is turning out to be. 148 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,320 ANNOUNCER: Harbour authorities 149 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,880 are pleased to announce the cross-channel ferry to Calais... 150 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,280 Yes. ..is now ready for boarding. 151 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,920 Daniel, not long now. We've got the green light. 152 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,800 Hey! What are you doing? 153 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,720 We were here first. 154 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:50,040 It just gets better by the minute, doesn't it? 155 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,000 Well, that went quite well, I think. 156 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,080 I told you no-one would spot him. 157 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,080 Where are the toilets? You've got to be back in the box 158 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,120 before we land. 159 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,400 Hello! 160 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,480 Spot of lunch, everyone? Coming, matey-boy? 161 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:23,120 Dave, sorry, I don't want to make an issue of this, 162 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:27,400 could you not call me "matey-boy"? Oh, yeah, all right. 163 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,560 Sorry about that. No offence intended. 164 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,280 What do you want me to call you? 165 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,440 Well...Clive really. 166 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,600 OK. Clive it is. 167 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:39,240 I don't know about you, but I could murder a Danish, Clivey-boy. 168 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,560 Hang on, lads. Rob. 169 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:02,800 What's that? 170 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,840 Grace thought I might find it useful. 171 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,280 What is it? 101 Ways To Complain In French? 172 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,280 There you go. 173 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,120 One tea, two coffees. 174 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:15,200 What do you want, Maurice? We've got...croissant, 175 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,400 pain au chocolat or Danish. Typical. Nothing English. 176 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:23,080 Sugar's Tate & Lyle. I'll stick to my Digestives, thanks. 177 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,760 Where's Clive got to? Missing all the fun. 178 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:32,520 ANNOUNCER: Les points de ralliement sont reconnaissables 179 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,360 en moyen de signes carres 180 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,440 verts et blancs... 181 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,920 Thank you. 182 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:47,440 Aux points de ralliement un membre de l'equipage 183 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,880 vous donnera un gilet de sauvetage... 184 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,360 Right. I've been giving some thought to the old schedule. 185 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,320 First off - Shh! Shh! Shh! 186 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,000 ..a votre point de ralliement. What? 187 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,120 Did you hear that safety announcement? 188 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:08,120 The French version was a good 20 seconds longer than the English. 189 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,240 Maybe even 25. 190 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,360 Am I missing something here? 191 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,120 Well, just ask yourself, 192 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,760 what vital information are they giving the frogs 193 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,480 that they're not giving to us? 194 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,960 He's mad. 195 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,360 Yeah, it'd be typical of the French. 196 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,680 Sort themselves out. You're paranoid. 197 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:30,000 You won't be saying that when they're rowing off in the lifeboats 198 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,080 and you're in the Channel clinging to your Danish pastry. 199 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,040 I can't take any more of this. 200 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,800 I'm going up on deck. 201 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,920 Dieses war verspatet auf sieben... 202 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,080 Hello? 203 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,040 Hello. 204 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:01,320 Hello, could I - could I have a quick word? 205 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,320 It's about your shed - I'm sorry, I'm not interested. 206 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,880 I don't want to talk about it. No, no, no, no. 207 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,000 Say what you like. It's not my affair. 208 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,960 I never started this and don't want to get involved now. 209 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,080 I haven't come to argue with you. To be honest, 210 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:18,200 I'm sick of the whole business. Can I get a word in? 211 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,160 I'm as sick of this as you are. 212 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,000 Both our husbands are behaving like schoolchildren. 213 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,960 I wouldn't say they were being that mature. 214 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,280 I thought I'd tell you that I have arranged 215 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,240 for some men to come round today to cut these trees back. 216 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,880 Oh, yeah? Yes. Then, hopefully, 217 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,320 we can get back to some semblance of normality. 218 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,200 What does your husband think? 219 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:43,960 Well, he doesn't know. I've packed him off to France for the day. 220 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,000 Rob's gone to France as well. 221 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,880 I know. They're together. 222 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,080 What, in the same car?! 223 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,960 (GIGGLES) 224 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,600 Oh, bloody 'ell! 225 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,240 Chislehurst? Really? 226 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,120 That's no distance. I'll ring you when we get home. 227 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,680 Oh, you will, will you? 228 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,200 Go on. Give us your number. 229 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,240 Behave. 230 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,560 It's hot, isn't it? Very hot. 231 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,560 And getting hotter. 232 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,480 What are you like? 233 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,520 Here you are, let me. 234 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,800 Factor 35! 235 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,840 Well, I burn easy. 236 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,280 Can I borrow some of this? 237 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,880 Yeah. 238 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,560 Back in a sec. 239 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,240 Oi! Where are you going? 240 00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,880 Since junior school? 241 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,520 Yeah. Childhood sweethearts. 242 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,920 You've had other girlfriends in between... 243 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:05,960 No. 244 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,360 No? 245 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,200 Well, there didn't seem any point. 246 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:13,720 Chloe and I have always been an item. We knew we'd wind up together. 247 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,800 If you've not been with any other girls 248 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,080 how do you know Chloe's the best one for you? 249 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:22,800 It's like buying a new car, you don't just grab the first model. 250 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,880 No. You get in a few and see how they perform. 251 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,880 Sorry? 252 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:32,480 Look, before I married Cath, I went out with loads of lasses. 253 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:36,160 Just...something about Cath that set her apart. 254 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,440 Really? 255 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:43,000 Yeah. She was the only one that would have me. 256 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:46,040 (CHUCKLES) 257 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,560 Eh, lad. 258 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,120 (MIMICS GUNSHOT) 259 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,800 Yes. I'm sure it's a very good deal. 260 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:58,520 It is my daughter's wedding. 261 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:03,560 I ordered a cream marquee. A cream marquee is what I expect to have. 262 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,920 Good. I'm glad we understand each other. 263 00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:10,120 Thank you. Goodbye. 264 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,640 Morning, Chloe. Before you disappear, 265 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,320 have you heard from Serena? Serena? 266 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,360 Serena, is she coming? I don't know. 267 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,360 Can you find out? Seating plans don't happen overnight. 268 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,400 Have you made the appointment with the hairdresser? 269 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:25,680 No. 270 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,680 Do you want me to do it? No, I'll do it. 271 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,560 Then do it. 272 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,720 DOORBELL 273 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,920 (SIGHS) 274 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,400 Hello, Take Six Video Productions. 275 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,680 Mrs Rainer asked us to come round. 276 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,720 About a wedding... 277 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,640 Hello, Dominic. 278 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,160 Hello. 279 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,080 You don't remember me, do you? 280 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,320 Erm...remind me. 281 00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:08,800 Larkenwood School. 282 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,240 Oh, right. 283 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,080 You were three years above me. 284 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,360 Of course, yes. How are you...? 285 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,960 Britney. 286 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,280 Britney. 287 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,800 Of course, yes. (GIGGLES) Come in. 288 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,120 That was easier than I thought. 289 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,920 We'll stop when we can and get Daniel out the trailer. 290 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,560 On the right! On the right! 291 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,040 HORN HONKS 292 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,840 I always forget that one. 293 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,440 Are you all right, Daniel? 294 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:25,800 You've caught the sun, Maurice. Have I? 295 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,560 That'll be from the boat. I'll have to watch it. 296 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,840 I think we'll all have to watch it. Right. 297 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,240 Revised itinerary. We'll have dejeuner in Boulogne, 298 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,560 a saunter back up the coast, shopping in the hypermarket, 299 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,840 then back here to catch the early evening ferry. 300 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,680 When do we visit the cemetery? 301 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,720 Eh? My wife was told by your wife 302 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,880 that I'd get to see the cemetery. I could arrange that. 303 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:50,640 I'm not with you, Maurice. 304 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,480 What cemetery? The war graves. 305 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,920 I'm not here for shopping. I can do that at home. 306 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,560 I've come to see the war graves. 307 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,120 No-one else wants to see them, 308 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,800 you senile old twonk. I'd quite like to see them. 309 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,080 Well, if you want to see the war graves, Clive, no doubt we will, 310 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:08,440 isn't that right, Dave? 311 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,720 What is the problem here, Rob? 312 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,400 No problem at all, Clive. There is, Clive. 313 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:17,480 Dave and I have done this trip before. Many times. 314 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,080 We have a way of doing things and it works 315 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:23,520 and now suddenly you're in the car and everything's different. 316 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,080 His nose has been put out of joint, Clive. 317 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,960 Ignore him. I'll put your nose out of joint 318 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,440 if you don't wind your neck in. I don't want any unpleasantness. 319 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:36,080 If there's anything that I can do. You can sit back here with face ache 320 00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:39,080 for a start. Lads, lads, come on. 321 00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:41,840 This is not how it's supposed to be. 322 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,440 Just relax, eh? 323 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,120 We're here to enjoy ourselves, remember? 324 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,320 That's better. 325 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,920 # We're all going on a... For God's sake. 326 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:06,040 # Summer holiday, no more worries for a week or... # 327 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,240 Come on. 328 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:11,840 # Fun and laughter on a summer holiday 329 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,680 # For a week or two # 330 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,600 Come on, Clive. 331 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:18,360 # Oh, ho, a week or two 332 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,560 # We're going where the sun shines brightly 333 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,240 # Oh! We're going where the sea is blue 334 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:31,640 # Oh, yeah, we've seen it in the movies 335 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:35,280 # Let's see if it's tru-u-ue 336 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:39,960 # We're all going on a summer holiday... # 337 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:44,880 Like a drop more? Mmm. This is lovely. Thanks. 338 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:51,440 So, where are the twins today? Mum's got them for the weekend. 339 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,440 Bliss. Do you have children, Grace? No. 340 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:58,920 We never managed it. We huffed and puffed, but... 341 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:03,800 Well, it wasn't to be. I don't know if I'd have been much of a mother. 342 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:07,000 Anyway, who needs children? I have Maurice. 343 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,800 Oh, tell me about it. 344 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,800 I always say I've got three children, 345 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,520 twins of four and a 39-year-old. (CHUCKLES) 346 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,440 Those tree men are late. 347 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,840 They should've been here half an hour ago. 348 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:22,560 Give me a shout when they arrive. 349 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,200 Nothing cheers my day more 350 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,040 than hunks in hard hats wielding chainsaws. 351 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:28,600 It's primal, isn't it? 352 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:34,000 Look, if you haven't got to get away, why don't you stay for lunch? 353 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,640 I've got a nice bit of gammon and some salady stuff. 354 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:38,120 Yeah, you're on. 355 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,280 I'll just nip and get a bottle of Sauvignon out of Rob's shed. 356 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,400 Ooh, I say, that sounds nice. Well, I've got to make room 357 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,120 for the stuff he's bringing back, haven't I? 358 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,240 Did you do that? Yeah, on the boat. 359 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:10,440 How? 360 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:14,600 Sun block. I wanted to put tosser, but his head wasn't big enough. 361 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,320 (CHUCKLES) 362 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:19,920 Look, they do omelettes. 363 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,000 (BOTH LAUGH) 364 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,640 All right, Clivey? 365 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,760 Did you reach your business partner? 366 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,400 No, I couldn't get a signal. 367 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,600 I'll try again later. Give it a break. 368 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,400 Can't be that important it won't wait till Monday. 369 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:46,680 (LAUGHS) 370 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,880 Would you like some help with the menu, Maurice? 371 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:56,520 I thought I'd have an omelette. You can't just order omelette. 372 00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:58,120 Let me pick something for you. 373 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,600 Oh, all right. 374 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,960 One can always learn from gourmets, like yourself. 375 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,120 Mmm. 376 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,040 (SNIGGERS) 377 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,840 Right. Receiving line will be in here 378 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,960 and I'd like everyone filmed as they come through. 379 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:19,600 Then they go out onto the lawns for champagne and canapes. 380 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,800 String quartet will be over there. 381 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:25,160 Shouldn't you be taking notes? It's all right. It's all filed. 382 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,200 Mmm. 383 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:31,040 Anyway, lunch will be in the marquee, which will be down there. 384 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,280 Here. Let me show you. She's got it all sorted. 385 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:37,080 She's doing my head in. 386 00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,760 Mr Vernon. No. That's not what we discussed. 387 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:43,320 You broke my heart, you know that, don't you? 388 00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:45,560 Me? 389 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,280 Yes. I really wanted to go out with you 390 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,280 but you didn't notice me. Really? 391 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:55,320 And I was gorgeous then. Fat, glasses, braces on my teeth. 392 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:57,680 Oh, what a babe (!) Just my type. 393 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,960 (GIGGLES) Instead you went out with Sarah Corsden. 394 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,640 I hated you for that. 395 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:04,480 Sarah Corsden? 396 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:05,720 Fat, glasses, 397 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,640 braces on her teeth. Why did I pick her instead of you? 398 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,720 She had big tits. 399 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,920 Oh, yeah. Men are so shallow. 400 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:20,720 Hello. Are you coming or not? We've a lot to get through. 401 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,880 You said it would be morning. 402 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,800 I see, so, when, then? 403 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,240 Well, can you let me know because - HANGS UP 404 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:41,680 They've gone. They're running late - trouble with an ash tree 405 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:45,160 in Beech Grove. Or was it a beech tree in Ash Grove? 406 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,920 Typical bloody men. 407 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,840 Yeah, sod them. Grace. 408 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:55,840 No, I mean it. Sod 'em all. Wait there. 409 00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:57,840 What? 410 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,680 I mean, how hard can it be? 411 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,960 How hard can what be? 412 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:06,480 Grace? 413 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:08,240 Tres bien. Merci. 414 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:09,280 Ta very much. 415 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,840 Oh - forgot my jacket. Won't be a minute. 416 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:13,800 That was very nice. Very nice indeed. 417 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:15,600 What was it called again, Clive? 418 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:17,240 What? Gigues de chevreuil. 419 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,680 Would you excuse me? I've got to make this call. 420 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,200 You know what chevreuil is, don't you, Maurice? 421 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:23,520 No. Horse. 422 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:24,840 What? Horse. 423 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,760 Your steak was last seen falling at the fifty at Haydock. 424 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,000 Oh, no. 425 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,840 Isn't the French for horse cheval? 426 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,680 No, no. It's definitely chevreuil. 427 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,240 Right, then, booze cruisers. Time's awasting. 428 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,560 Let's go and cruise some booze, shall we? 429 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,400 He was joking, wasn't he? (NEIGHS) 430 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:57,280 What do you think? Some sort of religious thing? 431 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,200 It could be. Maybe he's sweeping for bugs. 432 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:04,680 No, he's trying to get a signal. 433 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,240 Sometimes, if the signal's weak, you can... 434 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:12,960 What? 435 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,040 Oh. 436 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:25,920 Oi, Mr Clever Dick, chevreuil isn't horse meat, it's venison. 437 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:28,680 I said chev- 438 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:33,560 Oh, I'm sorry, Maurice. I was just trying to give you a bit more room. 439 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,600 Ridiculous. You can see England from here. 440 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:41,880 Do you want to try mine? No. No thank you. 441 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,000 Maybe later. 442 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:54,240 I'm sorry, Rob, would you mind? I don't do well travelling in the back. 443 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,960 Well, perhaps you'll do better with a bit of practise, eh? 444 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:09,240 Maurice, would you mind awfully? Thanks. Thank you. 445 00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:27,520 I'm all right. It's OK. 446 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:31,960 I thought he was just trying it on. How was I to know? 447 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,160 Are you all right, there, Clivey? 448 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,560 Yeah, all right. 449 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,720 Ohhh. Ohhh. 450 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,040 God almighty. 451 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,760 Where did all that lot come from? It's Maurice's. 452 00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,480 I didn't think it was yours. 453 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:01,960 Whoa! Do you know how to use that thing? 454 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:05,320 Of course. Now, you go next door 455 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,960 and guide me from your side. I'll get this thing started up. 456 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,720 You'll be careful, won't you? 457 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,760 Have faith. 458 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,720 Lunch and a disco. 459 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:28,240 Oh, and I'd love you to capture the overall sweep of the garden, 460 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:33,200 taking in the flower displays and the fireworks later in the evening. 461 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,240 MOBILE RINGS Excuse me. 462 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,560 Hello? 463 00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,080 RINGS Hello! 464 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,120 RINGING CONTINUES 465 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,880 Hello? 466 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,560 Ruth, is Clive there? Is that you, Adrian? 467 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:57,880 Yes. No, he's in France for the day. 468 00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:01,520 He left me a message to call him on his mobile. 469 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:03,880 Oh, do you know what he's done? 470 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:08,040 He's picked up my mobile by mistake. Can I take a message? 471 00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:10,360 Yes, could he call me as soon as possible? 472 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,320 It's important. Yes, all right. 473 00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:14,240 Everything all right, Adrian? 474 00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,480 Yeah. Yes, it's fine. 475 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:18,520 Bye. Right, bye. 476 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:23,600 Right. 477 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,680 MOTOR WON'T START 478 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:40,560 I nearly got it that time. 479 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:42,520 I'm really not happy about this. 480 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:44,560 Oh, don't be daft. 481 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,400 CHAINSAW WHIRRS 482 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:53,960 Grace! 483 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,520 It's all right. I'm fine. 484 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:01,560 I'll try it again without the run up. 485 00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,560 CHAINSAW WHIRRS 486 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,720 Of course, what very few people know is that Napoleon lost Waterloo 487 00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,080 because he was laid up with haemorrhoids. 488 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:16,960 That's an historical fact, that is. 489 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,840 If anyone knows about pains in the arse, it's you, Maurice. 490 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:23,040 Look! 491 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,360 Over there. The gunning placement. 492 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:27,800 What? 493 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:29,680 Yeah. Go round. Go round. 494 00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:33,520 Now, this turning. Which one? 495 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,160 You missed it. 496 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:36,280 Go round again. 497 00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:40,880 All right. Ooh, can we not do this? 498 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:44,200 I still don't feel all that clever. Sorry, Clive. 499 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:48,160 Will you give me clear instructions then I'll know where to go? 500 00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:52,960 Please, just turn off quickly. 501 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,640 Is this the right one? 502 00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:58,680 Hallelujah! 503 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:14,080 That's more like it. 504 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,000 What is it? 505 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:19,120 Well, obviously, it's the Musee De Mur De L'Atlantique. 506 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,960 Well, obviously. A war museum. 507 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,200 I'm not doing the cemetery as well. It's one thing or the other. 508 00:34:25,240 --> 00:34:27,440 I think old slaphead's decided for you. 509 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,480 Mess around with our bloody schedule. What's the point? 510 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:33,000 Come on. 511 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:42,360 Yes, but do I really need to see a show reel of video effects? 512 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,520 Well, I think it would be useful. There's a lot we can do - 513 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:49,400 interesting mixes, or soft focus, to smooth out the wrinkles. 514 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:52,080 Sorry? Oh, no, I didn't mean - 515 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:55,000 A lot of older people like it. 516 00:34:55,040 --> 00:35:00,280 Do they? I didn't mean you, obviously. 517 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,680 You're not older. I mean, you are older, 518 00:35:02,720 --> 00:35:05,080 but you're not OLDER. 519 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:09,520 Look, the tape's up at the shop. I won't be long. I'll see you later. 520 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:11,360 Bye. 521 00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,200 Hmm. 522 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,440 Bye, Dominic. 523 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:27,520 Mummy? 524 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,040 Excuse me. 525 00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:36,560 Just what do you think you're doing? My job, madam. 526 00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:41,760 Oh, I see. Car theft's a job now is it? Chloe, call the police. 527 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,280 Delton Vehicle Leasing. 528 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,080 We've come for the car. Your husband's in arrears. 529 00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:50,160 Arrears? What do you mean...arrears? 530 00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,360 He's failed to maintain the leasing arrangements on the car, 531 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,360 so, we're repossessing it. Repossessing?! 532 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:59,360 All right, mate. Surely there's been a mistake? 533 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,240 No. There's no mistake, madam. 534 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,600 Sorry. 535 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,720 Hell of a piece of work, this, eh, Clivey? 536 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:23,920 Japanese crap. 537 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:25,720 I think you'll find it's German. 538 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,440 What? Krupps. 539 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:32,320 You've got to hand it to the Krauts. Look at that engineering. 540 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,040 It's 35 metres long, this. 541 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:36,520 Yes. Made in 1941. 542 00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,120 Yes, I know. 543 00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:41,440 Do you know, they used to fire this across the Channel? 544 00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:44,360 I know. I read the blurb the same time as you did. 545 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:48,520 Oh. Ah, but what you probably don't know 546 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:52,040 is this is the same type of gun they used at Navarone. 547 00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,200 What? 548 00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:57,080 Navarone, Greek island. Navarone doesn't exist. 549 00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:01,320 Not since the British Commandos blew it apart it doesn't. 550 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,120 No, it never existed. Ever. 551 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,160 It's a work of fiction turned into a film. 552 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,000 What, like the Great Escape? 553 00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:11,080 Well, no, that was based on fact. 554 00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,080 Nah...bollocks. 555 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,680 It was. 556 00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:42,840 Achtung! Achtung! 557 00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,600 Show me your papers, you English swine. 558 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:49,320 You bloody idiot. For you, Tommy, the war is over. 559 00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:52,640 That's right. Go on, laugh, why don't you? 560 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,440 It's all a big joke to you. 561 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,200 It's not a laughing matter. 562 00:37:56,240 --> 00:37:59,240 People died in the war for you. I bet you were one of them. 563 00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:04,080 You won't believe what you can buy. Uniforms, daggers, gas masks, 564 00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:06,880 helmets, pistols, grenades. Don't be ridiculous. 565 00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,600 I'm telling you, they're all for sale. Look! 566 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,480 I can't believe it. 567 00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:14,320 Look at it all. And look at that. 568 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,000 What's this, Maurice? 569 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,920 That's a mine detector. 570 00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:23,760 They used to use it in the war for...detecting mines. 571 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,680 See? Like that. 572 00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:28,560 Oh, crikey. 573 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:30,760 Look at that, eh. 574 00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:40,200 I'm getting the hang of it now. What do you think? 575 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,800 Yeah. It's unusual. 576 00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:45,880 Look what I've found. 577 00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,360 I'll slap some of this on the shed, shall I? 578 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:53,200 Terrific. Then there'll be nothing for them to argue about. 579 00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:55,240 I'll just go and get a paintbrush. 580 00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:14,200 DOORBELL 581 00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:17,080 That'll be the men come to do the trees. 582 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:23,560 I had this planned like a military operation and it's gone tits up. 583 00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:26,520 He can't be much longer. I've got a mind to go without him. 584 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,120 You got my vote. How would he get home? 585 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,560 We could load him into that cannon and fire him across the Channel. 586 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,280 Oh, here he is. 587 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,200 What's he got? 588 00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:40,840 It's probably a mine detector. 589 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,360 What's he want one for? Maybe he thinks 590 00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:47,280 Rob's going to mine his driveway. I hadn't thought of that. 591 00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:49,840 Where can I stick this? 592 00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,280 Answers on a postcard. 593 00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:05,360 God! Chloe Rainer. 594 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:08,600 I haven't seen you since Larkenwood School. 595 00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:10,280 Yeah, yeah. Come in. 596 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:13,120 Well, you've been busy. 597 00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:15,280 Oh, it's just a fraction. 598 00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,400 Minor epic. 599 00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:20,720 The best man stood up and announced he was in love with the bride. 600 00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:23,400 She said she was in love with one of the ushers. 601 00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:25,880 You're not serious? Oh, yeah, deadly. 602 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,000 The tape is longer than the marriage. 603 00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:30,760 Oh, don't take that one. 604 00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:32,560 No, it's 'orrible. 605 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,760 I mean it. It's a video nasty. 606 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,640 The bridesmaids are wearing purple and orange. 607 00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:42,400 Talk about a study in bad taste. 608 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,000 (LAUGHS) 609 00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,480 What? 610 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:53,440 My bridesmaids are wearing purple and orange. 611 00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:56,920 Ahh. 612 00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,120 Well, no, I'm sure they'll look... 613 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,280 er...great. 614 00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:05,760 Sometimes it works, doesn't it? 615 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,840 It depends how you carry it off. 616 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:15,320 Oh, I see. OK. All right. 617 00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:17,600 Nice one. 618 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,600 I can't get hold of those car people. 619 00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,480 All I'm getting is an answer phone. 620 00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:24,440 I'm going over to see Adrian. Shan't be long. 621 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:31,440 So... 622 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:35,280 Just us. You and me. 623 00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:11,240 Oi! Daniel. Don't rush off. 624 00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:14,160 I've got a job for you, matey-boy. 625 00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:16,880 You remember that garage down the road? 626 00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:19,320 I want you to take the car down and fill her up. 627 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:21,720 Me? 628 00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:24,600 I let the tank run down, petrol's cheaper over here. 629 00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,640 Right. 630 00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:31,400 That should do it. 631 00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:35,200 Now, a little word. See this car? This is my car. 632 00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:38,240 It is a new car. See how she gleams and shimmers? 633 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,920 I want it to stay like that. Sure. 634 00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:44,000 Yeah, good lad. Mind how you go. 635 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,840 Hey, I mean it. Mind how you go. 636 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:53,480 Adrian, we're only asking them to hold on for a couple of weeks. 637 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,640 Did you tell them? 'I told them.' 'They're adamant.' 638 00:42:56,680 --> 00:43:00,200 Surely they're just bluffing. 'They're not.' 639 00:43:00,240 --> 00:43:02,440 Why don't you see if you can set up a meeting 640 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,880 with George for first thing on Monday morning? 641 00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:07,280 PIPS Hang on a second, Adrian. 642 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:10,120 I've only got... Hello? 643 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,760 COINS DROP, DIALLING TONE 644 00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:14,800 Oh, bugger. 645 00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:47,760 Hey. 646 00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:08,600 All right, mate? 647 00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:11,560 You not getting any? I'm working on it. 648 00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:13,640 Cheeky. 649 00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:16,680 Oi! 650 00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:19,120 (MUTTERS) 651 00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:22,920 You're responsible for this. 652 00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:24,840 Supergluing your hand to your head? 653 00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:28,280 I don't think so. I've just been to the toilet. 654 00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:31,400 I hope you washed your hands. Never mind about my hands. 655 00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:33,160 What about this? 656 00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:35,080 THIS? No, you've lost me. 657 00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:36,600 Film? Book? How many words? 658 00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,360 I'm talking about this. 659 00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,320 (GASPS, THEN GIGGLES) 660 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:44,360 I'm sure I don't know where that's come from. 661 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,480 Of course you wouldn't. Butter wouldn't melt, would it? 662 00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:50,000 You're so bloody juvenile. 663 00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:53,600 At least I haven't got tit written on my head. 664 00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:57,000 (GIGGLES) And you can stop smirking. 665 00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:00,360 Has he told you that he's a married man with two children? 666 00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:02,400 No, no. Of course not. 667 00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,200 So, you're married with kids? 668 00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:15,040 Er...yeah. 669 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:19,800 Isn't that funny? 670 00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:21,120 So am I. 671 00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,880 Oh. 672 00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:35,080 Oh! 673 00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:38,960 Oh, no. 674 00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:44,520 Non, mais, ca ne va pas. Vous etes completement malade ou quoi? 675 00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:46,760 Sorry. Pardonnez-moi. 676 00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:49,680 Excusez-moi. I didn't see you. Quoi? Tu ne m'as pas vue? 677 00:45:49,720 --> 00:45:52,520 Mais t'es pas seulement con, t'es aveugle aussi. 678 00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:56,440 Where does it hurt? Mais ou j'ai l'air d'avoir mal? 679 00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:58,640 Aides-moi a m'enlever. 680 00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:00,840 Hello. Daniel Webster. 681 00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,480 Non, aides-moi. 682 00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,360 Oh, sorry. Terribly sorry. 683 00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,120 I'll drive you home. 684 00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:15,800 It's the least I can do. 685 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,240 Non. Je dois aller a l'hopital. 686 00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:21,040 L'hopi... l'hopital? 687 00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:23,080 Oh, hospital. 688 00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:25,840 Je comprends. 689 00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,560 It's a good idea. 690 00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:32,760 Erm... Precautionary... You could have an x-ray. 691 00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:35,760 X-ray. (CLICKS) 692 00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:38,520 Er...of votre ankle. 693 00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:42,320 Sorry. 694 00:47:04,720 --> 00:47:06,640 Oh, yeah. 695 00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:09,240 Perfect. Perfect. 696 00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,640 If you're launching the Woolwich ferry. 697 00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:14,200 What have you got in mind for this do of yours? 698 00:47:14,240 --> 00:47:17,480 I haven't really given it much thought. 699 00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:20,360 So much choice here, isn't there? 700 00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:21,800 Here we are. 701 00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:26,080 What about this? Nice vintage Bollinger. It's lovely, this. 702 00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:29,400 Only 27.5 Euros each. That's not quite what I'm after. 703 00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:30,680 Oh, all right. 704 00:47:30,720 --> 00:47:34,680 What about this? Something nearer to the middle of the table. 705 00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:37,560 Canard-Duchene. 706 00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:42,200 Non-vintage grande cuvee with a nice crisp finish. Only 21.5 a bottle. 707 00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:45,200 Quite a saving, isn't it? 708 00:47:45,240 --> 00:47:46,920 Yes, I suppose it is. 709 00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:50,880 How many people have you got coming? 710 00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:52,800 About 180. 711 00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:55,240 So, one bottle each, that's 180 bottles. 712 00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:58,480 They won't all drink - some will have a Bucks Fizz. 713 00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:02,920 So, say 150 bottles at 21.5 Euros. 714 00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:07,240 That's...£2,722.22. 715 00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:09,320 £2,700? 716 00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:11,240 It'd cost three grand in England. 717 00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:12,880 Worth coming, wasn't it? 718 00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:15,680 Yes, I suppose, it was. Let's get you loaded up. 719 00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:26,680 Oh, here, I tell you what, you finish this. 720 00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,000 I'll nose round your dessert wines. 721 00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:59,400 Avez-vous tire et tue l'Inspector Fox? 722 00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:03,600 'Les autres questions vous seront posees 723 00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:06,800 quand vous aurez les resultats de la balistique pour le revolver.' 724 00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:08,240 Daniel? 725 00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:11,360 Oh. Hi. Are you all right? 726 00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:13,160 You're lucky. It's not broken. 727 00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,360 Oh, good. 728 00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:18,800 Oh...you-you speak English. 729 00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:20,760 Yes. Why not? 730 00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:24,600 Why not? Yes. 731 00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:26,120 Why not? 732 00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:30,840 But, hold on, in the car, you couldn't speak a word of English. 733 00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:34,720 You let me make a complete fool of myself. 734 00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:37,200 Why not? 735 00:49:37,240 --> 00:49:40,040 Why not? Yeah. 736 00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:42,800 So, now you'll drive me home, yes? Home. 737 00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:48,800 Oh, erm...er...yeah. Why not? 738 00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:53,800 OK. 739 00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:57,320 Is it far? 740 00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:59,240 Not far. 741 00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:04,240 Bloody hell. 742 00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:13,200 Merci. 743 00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:20,800 Desole. C'est refusee. 744 00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:23,800 What? Er... 745 00:50:26,240 --> 00:50:28,520 Try another one. 746 00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:30,560 Merci. 747 00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:39,800 C'est refusee aussi. Oh, bugger. 748 00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:42,400 Here. Try this one. 749 00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:46,920 I couldn't. It's all right, Clivey-boy. 750 00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:51,000 Don't worry. Probably just some glitch in the system. 751 00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:54,080 Are you sure? Don't give it a second thought. 752 00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:56,200 I can't think how this happened. 753 00:50:56,240 --> 00:50:58,840 Clive, it's all right. Thanks, Dave. 754 00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:03,480 I see you went for the cheaper one, eh? 755 00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:06,160 It doesn't have the grace of the Canard-Duchene, 756 00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:08,160 but best choice all the same. 757 00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:10,200 Are you going to have enough there? 758 00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:12,960 96 bottles. Should be enough. 759 00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:15,720 I'll see you outside. 760 00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:17,960 Merci. 761 00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,720 Hello. Off to Ramsgate for the summer, are we? 762 00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:26,880 You know perfectly well why I'm wearing this. 763 00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:30,080 One bottle of sherry and a bar of fruit and nut! 764 00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:32,720 So? You can get that down Asda. 765 00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:34,920 Do I tell you what to buy? 766 00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:36,960 Well, then. 767 00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:56,360 Is it much further? No. Not much. 768 00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:58,680 I feel like I've been driving for hours. 769 00:51:59,880 --> 00:52:01,880 It is in France, your place? 770 00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,280 You're very tense, aren't you? 771 00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:08,440 Well, yeah. 772 00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:12,800 Don't worry. You'll get back in no time. So, go on. 773 00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:15,280 You were telling me about your fiancee. 774 00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:20,400 Well, there's not much else to tell, really. 775 00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:22,440 She's great. 776 00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,000 And you love her a lot? 777 00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:28,400 Well, obviously. We've been together since I was ten. 778 00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:31,120 And you're looking forward to the wedding? 779 00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:34,320 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 780 00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:38,520 Well, I've bought the suit now. Be a shame to waste it. 781 00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:40,560 No. I'm... 782 00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:43,560 Oh, yeah. 783 00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:03,200 Where did all this lot come from? 784 00:53:03,240 --> 00:53:04,920 You didn't think that was it? 785 00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:07,960 Where's young Daniel got to? Yeah, good question. 786 00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:17,640 Sugar? Yeah. 787 00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:21,400 How many? 788 00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:23,480 Oh...sugar. Just one, please. 789 00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:30,040 (RAGGED BREATHING) 790 00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,240 Hob Nob? 791 00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:50,280 Thank you. 792 00:53:59,240 --> 00:54:02,760 I love Hob Nobs. Me, too. 793 00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:06,880 DOOR OPENS 794 00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:11,400 Hello, Mummy. Do you want some tea? 795 00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:13,480 What? 796 00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:16,600 No. No, thank you. 797 00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:18,800 Did you find Adrian? 798 00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:20,920 Yes. Yes, I did. 799 00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:23,080 What did he say? About what? 800 00:54:23,120 --> 00:54:25,360 About the car. 801 00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:28,280 Oh, nothing. It's nothing. 802 00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:30,320 Did Daddy phone? No. 803 00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:31,440 Damn. 804 00:54:31,480 --> 00:54:33,720 Is everything all right? 805 00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:35,720 Yes. Fine. 806 00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:37,680 Nothing for you to worry about. 807 00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:39,840 Just need to talk to your father 808 00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:41,640 and I don't know how to contact him. 809 00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:44,000 Why not call one of the people he's gone with? 810 00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:48,080 One of them must have a mobile. Yes. Yes. 811 00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:51,840 Good idea. Do you know who they are? No. 812 00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:54,600 I think one of them lives in the house behind us. 813 00:54:56,200 --> 00:54:58,200 OK. 814 00:54:58,240 --> 00:55:01,520 Right. I'll go round there. 815 00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:10,000 Ooh. I do hope my daughter's looking after you. 816 00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:11,200 Yeah. 817 00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:14,600 Right. Bye. 818 00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:25,240 Do you want to see my wedding dress? 819 00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:29,560 Don't worry, Dave. He won't be long. 820 00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:32,400 Probably trying to work out the French for unleaded. 821 00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:34,160 It just gets later and later. 822 00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:37,720 What's the point in a timetable if you're not going to keep to it? 823 00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:40,000 Where are you having this wedding of yours? 824 00:55:40,040 --> 00:55:42,560 St Paul's Cathedral? No, we tried for St Paul's. 825 00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:46,520 They're having a bring-and-buy sale, so we settled for Westminster Abbey. 826 00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:49,200 Really? 827 00:55:49,240 --> 00:55:51,880 No. Actually, we're having it at St Luke's, 828 00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:54,640 then everyone's coming back to us for the reception. 829 00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:56,560 We're having a marquee in the garden. 830 00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:58,080 Lovely. 831 00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:00,000 Very nice. What time do you want us? 832 00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:05,400 Er...er... Ah-hah. 15-all. 833 00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:09,000 Here you are. 834 00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:12,080 There you go. Thanks, Rob. 835 00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:15,040 Sorry. It was meant for him. 836 00:56:44,840 --> 00:56:46,320 Yes? Oh, excuse me. 837 00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:48,480 Do you live at the bottom of my garden? 838 00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:51,840 Eh? Are you over my fence? 839 00:56:53,240 --> 00:56:55,840 Are you collecting for something? No, no. 840 00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:58,800 I live in Hazeldean. I'm trying to find the people 841 00:56:58,840 --> 00:57:02,960 who are in France with my husband. Oh, you're Clive's wife. 842 00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,880 I'm Cathy. Dave's wife. 843 00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:06,640 How do you do? 844 00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:09,880 I'm Ruth Rainer. So sorry to trouble you. 845 00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:13,720 I'm trying to contact Clive. I wondered if your husband 846 00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:16,000 had a mobile with him. He does. Come in. 847 00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:18,600 Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. 848 00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:21,240 Through there. Oh, right. 849 00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:36,800 All right, try this. 850 00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:38,840 Who said... 851 00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:42,720 "At my command, unleash hell"? 852 00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:45,000 Come on. 853 00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:50,920 It's too easy. Russell Crowe in Gladiator. I love that film. 854 00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:53,600 I should have gone with you. Chloe hated it. 855 00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:57,280 Mind you, she took me to see Gangs Of New York and I hated that. 856 00:57:57,320 --> 00:58:00,520 I did, too. Really? 857 00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:06,320 OK. Your go. 858 00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:09,200 And no more French films. 859 00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:12,960 I mean it, Juliette. You don't play fair. 860 00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:17,120 How hard can it be? You pull into a petrol station, 861 00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:19,480 shove the nozzle in the hole and you pay. 862 00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:21,920 You don't need a BSc in Astro-Physics, do you? 863 00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:23,280 Perhaps he just got lost. 864 00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:26,680 Do you want me to call home? Check if he's got in touch. 865 00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:29,720 Just lend me your phone. Be my guest, Clivey. 866 00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:31,480 A cool head in a crisis. 867 00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:33,720 Well, cooler than yours, that's for sure. 868 00:58:34,840 --> 00:58:37,440 (CHUCKLES) 869 00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:41,960 ENGAGED TONE 870 00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:43,640 It's engaged. 871 00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:46,400 Oh. We'll try again in a minute. 872 00:58:52,360 --> 00:58:55,160 PHONE RINGS 873 00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:59,320 What do you think? 874 00:59:00,840 --> 00:59:02,480 Beautiful. 875 00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:04,280 PHONE CONTINUES RINGING 876 00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:18,080 I think your phone's ringing. 877 00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:26,680 It's stopped now. 878 00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:31,720 There's no answer. 879 00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:34,480 Where the bloody hell's he got to? 880 00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:50,800 Is this where you live? 881 00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:52,840 Yes. 882 00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:56,000 Oh, tres joli. 883 00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:58,840 And you said that you didn't speak French. 884 01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:03,680 I'll give you a hand getting out. 885 01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:11,240 So... 886 01:00:13,720 --> 01:00:15,720 ..you live over the back, then. 887 01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:18,640 Nice. 888 01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:21,400 Big garden. 889 01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:26,040 When we first moved in, 890 01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:27,760 I thought we backed onto a park. 891 01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:35,640 So... 892 01:00:35,680 --> 01:00:38,160 I hear you've got a big wedding coming up. 893 01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:41,840 How's it going, then? All right? 894 01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:44,480 (WEEPS) 895 01:00:44,520 --> 01:00:46,200 Not so good, then? 896 01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:51,480 (SOBS) It's just... It's all so awful. 897 01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:56,400 Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like a cup of tea? 898 01:01:01,040 --> 01:01:03,040 Weddings are always stressful. 899 01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:05,880 It's not the wedding. It's Clive. 900 01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:08,360 Why didn't he tell me? 901 01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:11,000 Why did I have to find out like this? 902 01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:12,720 You've no idea 903 01:01:12,760 --> 01:01:15,280 how humiliated I feel. 904 01:01:17,200 --> 01:01:19,320 What can you say? 905 01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:20,760 Men. 906 01:01:20,800 --> 01:01:24,240 They're all the same. Except for my Dave, of course, 907 01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:26,520 and that's only cos he's not bright enough. 908 01:01:26,600 --> 01:01:28,320 For what? 909 01:01:28,360 --> 01:01:31,160 Well...to be unfaithful. 910 01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:35,320 Unfaithful. Who's been unfaithful? 911 01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:37,680 Your husband. 912 01:01:37,720 --> 01:01:41,080 What? Who with? 913 01:01:41,120 --> 01:01:43,640 Well, how should I know? 914 01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:47,760 It was you who was telling me. No, I wasn't. I was talking 915 01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:51,240 about his business collapsing. Oh, so he's not been unfaithful? 916 01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:53,840 No. Oh, well, that's some good news. 917 01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:58,320 Two men just turned up and took the car away. 918 01:01:59,360 --> 01:02:00,760 Oh, dear. 919 01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:03,680 Why didn't Clive tell me the business was in trouble? 920 01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:06,000 Why didn't he talk to me about it? 921 01:02:06,040 --> 01:02:08,720 Am I so unapproachable? Am I? 922 01:02:08,760 --> 01:02:11,000 Well, I don't... 923 01:02:11,040 --> 01:02:13,320 (SOBS) Oh, God. 924 01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:18,120 It's just that I think... Why don't I go and put the kettle on? 925 01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:20,320 (SOBS) 926 01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:23,120 Tea or coffee? 927 01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:24,800 (WEEPS) 928 01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:29,920 I'm sorry. 929 01:02:29,960 --> 01:02:32,000 Don't apologise, love. 930 01:02:32,040 --> 01:02:35,280 I'm sure it's nothing that can't be sorted out. 931 01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:38,680 We'll have a nice cuppa 932 01:02:38,720 --> 01:02:42,400 and a choccy biccie and see if we can't put the world to rights. 933 01:02:42,440 --> 01:02:44,440 Now, how does that sound, eh? 934 01:02:47,320 --> 01:02:49,320 Mrs Rainer? 935 01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:54,080 Ruth? 936 01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:30,200 I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating biscuits. 937 01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:31,320 No. 938 01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:33,160 Nice six-pack. 939 01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:35,480 I haven't got past his lunch box yet. 940 01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:38,240 Grace, you're a married woman. 941 01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:40,920 Yes, but to Maurice. All right. I'll let you off. 942 01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:46,120 Do you want any logs for your fire? No thanks. 943 01:03:46,160 --> 01:03:50,520 Or we've some bits of garden shed if you prefer. 944 01:03:50,560 --> 01:03:52,560 (GIGGLES) 945 01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:00,520 Oh, Bonfire Of The Vanities. 946 01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:02,560 I've got that. 947 01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,000 And the John Grisham. 948 01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:08,360 You've got a lot of English books, really. 949 01:04:10,080 --> 01:04:13,560 Mind you, I've got quite a few French books. 950 01:04:13,600 --> 01:04:17,200 Babar The Elephant, Asterix the Gaul. 951 01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:18,960 Some more coffee? 952 01:04:20,400 --> 01:04:22,520 No, thanks. I'd better go. 953 01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:25,320 That's a shame. 954 01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:33,480 Can I use your phone? I need to tell my friends what's happened. 955 01:04:33,520 --> 01:04:35,520 Of course. 956 01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:44,040 Mrs Rainer. 957 01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:48,840 Ruth. Hello? 958 01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:51,080 You forgot my husband's phone number. 959 01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:54,000 Oh, yes. I'm so sorry. 960 01:04:54,040 --> 01:04:56,400 MOBILE RINGS You'd better come in. 961 01:05:03,520 --> 01:05:06,240 Hello? DANIEL: 'Hello?' 962 01:05:06,280 --> 01:05:08,000 Yes, who's that? 963 01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:11,840 I'm sorry, is Mr Rainer there? 'Daniel?' 964 01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:14,880 Yes? Mrs Rainer? 965 01:05:14,920 --> 01:05:16,360 Where's my husband, Daniel? 966 01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:19,200 I thought he was on the end of that phone. 967 01:05:19,240 --> 01:05:22,040 'He took my phone by mistake. Where is he?' 968 01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:24,320 'I need to talk to him urgently.' 969 01:05:24,360 --> 01:05:26,720 He's with the others at the hypermarket. 970 01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:28,920 I've become sort of detached. 971 01:05:28,960 --> 01:05:30,760 'What does that mean?' 972 01:05:30,800 --> 01:05:32,600 I've lost them...or they've lost me 973 01:05:32,640 --> 01:05:34,320 depending on your viewpoint. 974 01:05:34,360 --> 01:05:38,480 If Mr Rainer phones, tell him I'll get back to the hypermarket in... 975 01:05:39,080 --> 01:05:43,080 30 minutes. In about three quarters of an hour. 976 01:05:43,120 --> 01:05:45,240 Give us time for another coffee. 977 01:05:45,280 --> 01:05:49,160 Yes, but if you talk to him first, tell him to phone me, will you? 978 01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:52,400 'It's very important.' Right. OK. 979 01:05:52,440 --> 01:05:55,800 I'll just get Chloe for you. I don't really need to speak to - 980 01:05:55,840 --> 01:05:58,640 Won't be a minute. Mrs... 981 01:05:58,680 --> 01:06:00,360 Chloe? 982 01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:02,120 Daniel's on the phone. 983 01:06:02,160 --> 01:06:03,200 Chloe? 984 01:06:03,240 --> 01:06:04,560 Mrs Rainer? 985 01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:11,120 Daniel, I'm afraid she's a little busy now. 986 01:06:14,400 --> 01:06:16,760 DOOR SLAMS 987 01:06:16,800 --> 01:06:19,160 I'll put the kettle on. 988 01:06:22,800 --> 01:06:25,240 If we're not on ferry in an hour-and-a-half 989 01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:27,680 we're going to pay a supplement. My schedule - 990 01:06:27,720 --> 01:06:30,640 Will you stop going on about your bloody schedule? 991 01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:33,000 So we end up paying an extra £15. Big deal. 992 01:06:34,680 --> 01:06:37,080 Well, we can't sit around here all day, can we? 993 01:06:37,120 --> 01:06:40,040 Shouldn't we go and look for him? I'll take Provence, 994 01:06:40,080 --> 01:06:43,520 you take the Dordogne, Maurice can snoop round the Loire valley, 995 01:06:43,560 --> 01:06:46,360 Dave can take the Riviera. We'll find him in no time. 996 01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:49,160 Oi! A little bit of respect wouldn't go amiss here. 997 01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:52,560 I think it's a very good idea. "I think it's a very good idea." 998 01:06:52,600 --> 01:06:55,680 Why don't you climb right up his arse and give us all a break? 999 01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:58,800 I think we can do without that sort of talk, don't you? 1000 01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:01,840 Do you now? Not the sort of chatter you're used to hearing 1001 01:07:01,880 --> 01:07:04,600 down the polo club, what? Well, tough luck, mate. 1002 01:07:04,640 --> 01:07:06,080 It's how we talk on these trips. 1003 01:07:06,120 --> 01:07:09,200 Give it a rest, Rob. I've had it with these two. 1004 01:07:09,320 --> 01:07:11,360 They've ruined this trip for me. 1005 01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:14,200 I don't know what I've done to warrant this reaction. 1006 01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:18,120 I've said nothing offensive to anyone, including you. 1007 01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:21,800 I've done nothing offensive apart from sit in your seat. 1008 01:07:21,840 --> 01:07:24,760 And I thought I made my reasons for that quite clear. 1009 01:07:24,800 --> 01:07:28,280 As far as I can make out, all you've done since you got in the car 1010 01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:32,120 is moan and bellyache about the changes to your routine. 1011 01:07:32,160 --> 01:07:35,120 Has it occurred to you that doing something differently 1012 01:07:35,160 --> 01:07:38,600 might be more interesting than replicating what's gone before? 1013 01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:41,680 I don't know where you got that chip on your shoulder, 1014 01:07:41,720 --> 01:07:43,520 but it certainly wasn't from me. 1015 01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:46,480 And I'm sorry if you don't like the way I sound, 1016 01:07:46,520 --> 01:07:48,760 but talking properly is not a crime. 1017 01:07:55,320 --> 01:07:58,360 Well...that's cleared the air. 1018 01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:02,160 Shall we start this search, then? 1019 01:08:52,960 --> 01:08:55,600 Look, don't worry. These things happen. 1020 01:08:56,600 --> 01:08:59,480 You read about people going bankrupt all the time. 1021 01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:02,480 You hear about brides having a fling before the wedding. 1022 01:09:03,960 --> 01:09:07,800 Admittedly, they don't usually happen to the same family... 1023 01:09:08,800 --> 01:09:10,800 on the same day. 1024 01:09:12,080 --> 01:09:14,520 Well...what can you do? 1025 01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:19,680 £2,000... 1026 01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:22,840 that wedding dress cost. 1027 01:09:24,520 --> 01:09:26,520 2,000... 1028 01:09:28,600 --> 01:09:31,360 I think our whole wedding cost less than that. 1029 01:09:31,400 --> 01:09:33,400 Including the honeymoon. 1030 01:09:36,120 --> 01:09:38,200 How could she? 1031 01:09:40,520 --> 01:09:44,040 I suppose you'll have to find a new photographer for the wedding. 1032 01:09:47,240 --> 01:09:49,240 Wedding? 1033 01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:52,720 What wedding? 1034 01:09:53,800 --> 01:09:56,200 How can there be a wedding after that? 1035 01:09:57,200 --> 01:09:59,760 No. No, I suppose not, no. 1036 01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:10,120 Thanks again for the coffee. I'd better get going. 1037 01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:12,840 Face the music, as it were. 1038 01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:15,600 Sorry about your foot. It will get better. 1039 01:10:15,640 --> 01:10:17,640 Right. 1040 01:10:17,680 --> 01:10:19,680 Bye. 1041 01:10:24,080 --> 01:10:25,920 Erm... Yes? 1042 01:10:25,960 --> 01:10:27,400 I was thinking... 1043 01:10:27,440 --> 01:10:30,160 If I was to come back over... 1044 01:10:30,200 --> 01:10:32,560 like quite soon... 1045 01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:35,080 could I maybe come and see you? 1046 01:10:35,120 --> 01:10:36,920 That would be nice. 1047 01:10:38,400 --> 01:10:40,680 You could drive over my other foot. 1048 01:10:42,600 --> 01:10:43,600 Great. 1049 01:10:45,840 --> 01:10:47,720 Bye. 1050 01:10:49,840 --> 01:10:51,360 Except... 1051 01:10:51,400 --> 01:10:53,200 Yes? 1052 01:10:53,240 --> 01:10:55,200 Aren't you getting married? 1053 01:10:57,080 --> 01:10:58,880 Oh, yeah. 1054 01:11:05,520 --> 01:11:07,320 Well, better go. 1055 01:11:09,280 --> 01:11:11,720 Yes, I'd better go. 1056 01:11:15,000 --> 01:11:17,560 It's been very nice meeting you, Daniel. 1057 01:11:17,600 --> 01:11:19,600 Yes, me too. I mean... 1058 01:11:19,640 --> 01:11:21,640 me to you, Juliette. 1059 01:11:24,440 --> 01:11:26,440 Au revoir. 1060 01:11:30,920 --> 01:11:32,320 Yeah. 1061 01:11:35,800 --> 01:11:37,320 Bye. 1062 01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:39,000 STARTS CAR 1063 01:11:47,160 --> 01:11:49,000 There you go. Thanks. 1064 01:11:49,040 --> 01:11:52,240 There's no keeping you away. You're magnetic, aren't you? 1065 01:11:52,280 --> 01:11:53,760 Behave. 1066 01:11:58,600 --> 01:12:00,320 What's your problem? 1067 01:12:00,360 --> 01:12:02,840 This is Gazzer...my husband. 1068 01:12:06,240 --> 01:12:08,640 Well, how bad is it? 'I don't know.' 1069 01:12:08,680 --> 01:12:13,360 I get the feeling his business has collapsed. They took away his car. 1070 01:12:13,400 --> 01:12:16,440 They bounced his credit card in the supermarket. 1071 01:12:16,480 --> 01:12:18,800 At least he couldn't buy the champagne. 1072 01:12:18,840 --> 01:12:20,840 He has cos I erm... 'What?' 1073 01:12:20,880 --> 01:12:24,640 Er... Oh, nothing, babe. It's all right. 1074 01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:28,080 Listen, don't say anything to him. Leave that to his wife. 1075 01:12:28,120 --> 01:12:31,080 'Don't tell him about his daughter.' What about her? 1076 01:12:31,120 --> 01:12:33,120 Oh, yeah, sorry. 1077 01:12:33,160 --> 01:12:36,320 Clive's wife caught her having a bit of rumpy-pumpy 1078 01:12:36,360 --> 01:12:38,240 with the wedding photographer. 1079 01:12:38,280 --> 01:12:40,280 No way! 1080 01:12:41,280 --> 01:12:43,840 'He's not having the best of days, is he?' 1081 01:12:43,880 --> 01:12:46,600 You're not to say anything. 'No, I won't.' 1082 01:12:46,640 --> 01:12:49,240 No, I mean it, Dave. It's none of our business. 1083 01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:51,600 'All right! Can I at least tell Rob?' 1084 01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:55,560 Why don't you broadcast it over the internet and have done with it? 1085 01:12:55,600 --> 01:12:57,400 Oh, and one other thing. 1086 01:12:57,440 --> 01:13:00,480 Oh, God, there's more. 'Daniel's phoned' 1087 01:13:00,520 --> 01:13:02,920 Has he? Well, Hoo-bloody-ray! Where is he? 1088 01:13:02,960 --> 01:13:06,960 He spoke to Mrs Rainer. He's on his way back to the supermarket. 1089 01:13:07,000 --> 01:13:08,880 'He'll be there soon.' 1090 01:13:08,920 --> 01:13:11,560 That's something, I suppose. I'll see you later. 1091 01:13:11,600 --> 01:13:13,600 Yeah. 'Bye-bye.' 1092 01:13:13,640 --> 01:13:14,760 Bye-bye. 1093 01:13:16,800 --> 01:13:19,680 Dave, help me! 1094 01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:24,600 But I'm innocent. 1095 01:13:24,640 --> 01:13:27,000 A witness said that you committed an assault. 1096 01:13:27,040 --> 01:13:30,880 Me? Do I look as though I've committed an assault? 1097 01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:32,880 I'm the assaultee here. 1098 01:13:32,920 --> 01:13:37,360 Please understand. We won't tolerate any disturbances in our streets. 1099 01:13:37,400 --> 01:13:39,840 Well, yeah, yeah. Fair play, I accept that. 1100 01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:41,880 Very well. 1101 01:13:43,680 --> 01:13:45,320 You are free to go. 1102 01:13:46,360 --> 01:13:47,720 Eh? 1103 01:13:48,760 --> 01:13:50,280 You can go. 1104 01:13:50,320 --> 01:13:53,080 Have a nice day. 1105 01:13:53,120 --> 01:13:55,120 Oh, thanks. 1106 01:13:57,080 --> 01:14:00,160 What's he doing here? Oh, peachy. 1107 01:14:00,200 --> 01:14:03,520 My two most favourite people in the world. What happened to you? 1108 01:14:03,560 --> 01:14:05,600 It wasn't my fault. I was beaten up. 1109 01:14:05,640 --> 01:14:08,160 Oh, were you, indeed? 1110 01:14:08,200 --> 01:14:10,480 Now, why am I not surprised? 1111 01:14:10,520 --> 01:14:13,560 I'll have your number. Maurice, I don't think Rob meant - 1112 01:14:13,600 --> 01:14:18,160 You won't get away with it. I've seen you on TV with water cannons. 1113 01:14:18,200 --> 01:14:21,000 Don't think I don't know what this is all about. 1114 01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:22,840 It's Trafalgar. 1115 01:14:22,880 --> 01:14:24,000 Trafalgar? 1116 01:14:24,040 --> 01:14:26,520 Waterloo, Crecy, Agincourt, take your pick. 1117 01:14:26,560 --> 01:14:29,520 Those British archers waving their fingers. 1118 01:14:30,240 --> 01:14:32,840 You don't like it, do you, froggy? 1119 01:14:39,280 --> 01:14:41,280 You tosser. 1120 01:15:00,840 --> 01:15:02,600 CAR HORN 1121 01:15:09,400 --> 01:15:11,000 Where are the others? 1122 01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:13,840 Where do you think? Looking for you, you daft get! 1123 01:15:13,880 --> 01:15:18,040 Where the bloody hell have you been? Sorry. I bumped into a French girl. 1124 01:15:18,080 --> 01:15:21,520 Excuse me? You leave us sitting here for hours on end 1125 01:15:21,560 --> 01:15:24,440 while you've been sloping for a bit of ooh-la-la. 1126 01:15:24,480 --> 01:15:26,160 Lovely. It wasn't like that. 1127 01:15:26,200 --> 01:15:28,360 I knocked her off her bike. 1128 01:15:28,400 --> 01:15:30,480 What? Is my car all right? 1129 01:15:30,520 --> 01:15:34,520 I had to take her to hospital. Hospital. What do you mean? 1130 01:15:34,560 --> 01:15:36,560 She's fine. 1131 01:15:36,600 --> 01:15:38,600 In fact, she was very nice. 1132 01:15:44,280 --> 01:15:46,360 So, what did you say to him? 1133 01:15:46,400 --> 01:15:48,880 Not much. Just came to an arrangement. 1134 01:15:48,920 --> 01:15:52,160 You see? Negotiating skills. It marks the leader. 1135 01:15:52,200 --> 01:15:54,360 I gave him a small bribe. Nice one. 1136 01:15:54,400 --> 01:15:56,400 A bribe? Yes. 1137 01:15:56,440 --> 01:15:59,200 I'm sorry, but I can't believe what I'm hearing. 1138 01:15:59,240 --> 01:16:01,640 I'm bitterly disappointed in you, Clive. 1139 01:16:01,680 --> 01:16:04,400 Somehow, Maurice, I'll learn to live with that. 1140 01:16:04,440 --> 01:16:06,240 Perhaps you'd rather be in jail. 1141 01:16:06,280 --> 01:16:09,360 We wouldn't have been in there in the first place 1142 01:16:09,400 --> 01:16:11,520 if it wasn't for that stupid gob of yours. 1143 01:16:11,560 --> 01:16:14,320 Nevertheless - BOTH: Oh, shut up, Maurice. 1144 01:16:16,640 --> 01:16:19,680 Sounds like you're struck on this French girl. 1145 01:16:19,720 --> 01:16:21,760 What are you going to do about it? 1146 01:16:21,800 --> 01:16:25,320 Nothing. I'm marrying Chloe in a couple of weeks. 1147 01:16:25,360 --> 01:16:29,160 Well, nothing in life's certain, you know, Daniel. 1148 01:16:29,200 --> 01:16:33,200 It's all sorted. Clive's even offered me a job in his company. 1149 01:16:34,240 --> 01:16:36,240 Yeah, well erm... 1150 01:16:36,280 --> 01:16:40,320 Well, like I said, nothing in life's certain. 1151 01:16:40,360 --> 01:16:42,320 You know, Danny boy... 1152 01:16:42,360 --> 01:16:46,160 you don't have to do what other people expect you to. Look at me. 1153 01:16:46,200 --> 01:16:48,200 You're your own man. 1154 01:16:48,240 --> 01:16:50,240 All right? 1155 01:16:50,280 --> 01:16:51,640 Yeah. 1156 01:16:51,680 --> 01:16:54,280 Oh, look, it's the good, the bad and the ugly. 1157 01:16:55,560 --> 01:16:58,040 What happened to you? Don't ask. 1158 01:16:58,080 --> 01:17:01,600 He's decided to come back, has he? Where on earth have you been? 1159 01:17:01,640 --> 01:17:04,800 I got sidetracked. What's that supposed to mean? 1160 01:17:04,920 --> 01:17:09,480 There's plenty of time for questions later. We've got a ferry waiting. 1161 01:17:10,360 --> 01:17:11,920 Erm, excuse me. 1162 01:17:11,960 --> 01:17:16,240 How are we going to get him back into England now the trailer's full? 1163 01:17:19,880 --> 01:17:22,400 Er... 1164 01:17:22,440 --> 01:17:24,680 Er... 1165 01:17:24,720 --> 01:17:27,200 See? Once the tarp's on, you'll never know. 1166 01:17:27,240 --> 01:17:30,520 Will you be all right, Daniel? It's not too bad, actually. 1167 01:17:30,560 --> 01:17:33,400 Oh, good, good. Do you want to have a pee now? 1168 01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:37,040 I don't think we'll be able to let you out before Dover. 1169 01:17:38,480 --> 01:17:40,480 KNOCK ON DOOR 1170 01:17:48,960 --> 01:17:50,520 Mummy? 1171 01:17:54,880 --> 01:17:56,440 Mummy? 1172 01:17:56,480 --> 01:17:59,200 I don't want to talk now, Chloe. 1173 01:17:59,240 --> 01:18:01,440 Please, go away. Please, Mummy. 1174 01:18:01,480 --> 01:18:03,600 How could you? 1175 01:18:03,640 --> 01:18:04,720 I'm sorry. 1176 01:18:04,760 --> 01:18:06,760 That makes it all right, does it? 1177 01:18:06,800 --> 01:18:09,160 No, of course not, but - 1178 01:18:09,200 --> 01:18:11,200 Seven months planning... 1179 01:18:11,240 --> 01:18:13,280 organisation. 1180 01:18:13,320 --> 01:18:15,320 You go and throw it all away. 1181 01:18:15,360 --> 01:18:17,360 For what? 1182 01:18:17,400 --> 01:18:19,920 A tawdry quickie... 1183 01:18:19,960 --> 01:18:23,280 with a complete stranger. He wasn't a stranger. 1184 01:18:23,320 --> 01:18:25,320 I thought I knew you. 1185 01:18:25,360 --> 01:18:27,360 I'm starting to wonder. 1186 01:18:28,680 --> 01:18:33,320 God alone knows what your father will say. What a mess. 1187 01:18:35,200 --> 01:18:37,200 So... 1188 01:18:38,760 --> 01:18:40,400 Any suggestions? 1189 01:18:40,440 --> 01:18:43,680 Don't shrug, Chloe. You're not a little girl any more. 1190 01:18:43,720 --> 01:18:45,520 I don't know what to do. 1191 01:18:45,560 --> 01:18:48,840 Well, do you still want to marry Daniel? 1192 01:18:52,440 --> 01:18:54,360 Hm... I don't know. 1193 01:18:54,400 --> 01:18:57,520 Well, that rather answers that, doesn't it? 1194 01:18:58,520 --> 01:19:01,240 What about this other chap? Dominic, is it? 1195 01:19:03,560 --> 01:19:06,720 He's very nice. I like him a lot. 1196 01:19:06,760 --> 01:19:08,480 I gathered that much. 1197 01:19:10,240 --> 01:19:13,840 Well, I've got some phone calls to make. 1198 01:19:15,080 --> 01:19:16,760 I'm sorry, Mummy. 1199 01:19:16,800 --> 01:19:20,440 Oh, do stop saying that. What are we going to tell Daddy? 1200 01:19:20,480 --> 01:19:23,440 WE aren't going to be telling Daddy anything. 1201 01:19:23,480 --> 01:19:25,880 That's your job, young lady. 1202 01:19:28,840 --> 01:19:32,000 And I think you'd better spend a little time working out 1203 01:19:32,040 --> 01:19:35,800 how you're going to break the news to poor Daniel as well. 1204 01:19:46,720 --> 01:19:49,480 Well, I think this looks very suspicious. 1205 01:19:49,520 --> 01:19:53,280 A trailer on the back and yet we've got a ton of stuff inside. 1206 01:19:53,320 --> 01:19:56,160 I think it's inviting trouble. ALL: Shut up, Maurice! 1207 01:19:56,200 --> 01:19:58,200 Yeah - Eh, eh. 1208 01:20:28,320 --> 01:20:30,320 Quite a day, all in all. 1209 01:20:30,360 --> 01:20:32,360 Never dull. 1210 01:20:32,400 --> 01:20:34,960 Eh, sorry about Morris. It's all right. 1211 01:20:35,000 --> 01:20:38,960 He's been good entertainment in his own obnoxious little way. 1212 01:20:39,000 --> 01:20:41,000 Where is he? 1213 01:20:41,040 --> 01:20:43,040 He's asleep in an armchair. 1214 01:20:43,080 --> 01:20:45,960 A group of kids taking photographs of his head. 1215 01:20:46,000 --> 01:20:48,360 Wicked bugger, you are. 1216 01:20:48,400 --> 01:20:50,640 I know. Eh. 1217 01:20:50,680 --> 01:20:52,680 I'm sorry about Clive as well. 1218 01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:56,000 He's all right, as it happens. He's a bit of a pompous prat. 1219 01:20:56,040 --> 01:20:58,040 He can't help what he is. 1220 01:20:58,080 --> 01:20:59,960 Where has he got to anyway? 1221 01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:02,040 The club lounge. Natural habitat 1222 01:21:02,080 --> 01:21:04,720 for a bloke like that. Not for much longer. 1223 01:21:04,760 --> 01:21:05,840 Eh? 1224 01:21:09,520 --> 01:21:12,000 Cath phoned. His business has gone tits up. 1225 01:21:14,960 --> 01:21:16,360 You're going to love this. 1226 01:21:16,400 --> 01:21:20,000 His wife caught the daughter shagging the wedding photographer. 1227 01:21:21,520 --> 01:21:23,520 Bloody hell. 1228 01:21:23,560 --> 01:21:25,800 I thought our day had been eventful. 1229 01:21:25,840 --> 01:21:29,280 He's kept that quiet, hasn't he? Well, he doesn't know. 1230 01:21:29,320 --> 01:21:33,120 You're not to say anything. I promised Cath I wouldn't tell you. 1231 01:21:35,720 --> 01:21:37,720 Poor old Clive. Yeah. 1232 01:22:19,720 --> 01:22:21,360 What the bloody hell is that? 1233 01:22:21,400 --> 01:22:24,240 It's terrific isn't it? It's a Mark II Bren gun. 1234 01:22:24,280 --> 01:22:25,760 Only 150 quid. 1235 01:22:25,800 --> 01:22:28,280 Great piece of engineering. 1236 01:22:28,320 --> 01:22:31,880 What do you want a machine gun for? It's interesting, isn't it? 1237 01:22:31,920 --> 01:22:34,040 To who? Other lunatics like him. 1238 01:22:34,080 --> 01:22:36,760 I'm changing my opinion of you, Clive. 1239 01:22:36,800 --> 01:22:39,960 Really? My opinion of you remains exactly the same. 1240 01:22:40,000 --> 01:22:42,200 Just put that thing away, will you? 1241 01:23:07,840 --> 01:23:09,840 THROATY GROWL 1242 01:23:10,360 --> 01:23:12,600 I told you all the booze in the car looks suspicious. 1243 01:23:12,640 --> 01:23:14,520 You wouldn't listen, would you? 1244 01:23:14,560 --> 01:23:16,960 Shut up! This is all your fault, you tosser. 1245 01:23:17,000 --> 01:23:19,560 I only bought a bottle of Harvey's Bristol Cream. 1246 01:23:19,600 --> 01:23:22,960 Waving a Bren gun around might have had something to do with it. 1247 01:23:29,680 --> 01:23:32,920 Step out of the car if you would, please, gentlemen. 1248 01:23:36,960 --> 01:23:38,720 Sir, the officer will take that. 1249 01:23:40,080 --> 01:23:43,800 Just step right back from the vehicle, please, gentlemen. 1250 01:23:53,080 --> 01:23:55,080 Passports, please. 1251 01:23:55,520 --> 01:23:57,520 Oh, yeah. 1252 01:24:00,200 --> 01:24:02,000 Thank you. 1253 01:24:05,160 --> 01:24:08,120 Are you the owner of this vehicle, sir? 1254 01:24:08,160 --> 01:24:09,880 Well, er... yes and no. 1255 01:24:09,920 --> 01:24:11,720 Technically, that's my firm. 1256 01:24:11,760 --> 01:24:13,960 QBR Shower Fittings (UK) Limited. 1257 01:24:17,600 --> 01:24:19,920 Right, and who is the owner of this? 1258 01:24:19,960 --> 01:24:22,040 Captain Chaos over there. 1259 01:24:22,080 --> 01:24:25,200 It's not real. I bought it in a museum. I've got the receipt. 1260 01:24:25,240 --> 01:24:29,160 Yes, thank you, sir. You'll have plenty of opportunity to explain. 1261 01:24:30,160 --> 01:24:33,600 Well, while we're waiting for our firearms expert, 1262 01:24:33,640 --> 01:24:36,640 let's take a look around the vehicle, shall we? 1263 01:24:41,400 --> 01:24:43,080 And what's in here, sir? 1264 01:24:43,120 --> 01:24:45,760 Champagne and drinks for his daughter's wedding 1265 01:24:45,800 --> 01:24:49,320 and some crates of ours. But we're within the limit. No need to look. 1266 01:24:51,520 --> 01:24:54,360 I would like it noted nothing in there belongs to me. 1267 01:24:54,400 --> 01:24:58,000 Really? No rocket launchers? Anti-tank missiles? 1268 01:24:58,040 --> 01:24:59,240 Uzis? Kalashnikovs? 1269 01:24:59,280 --> 01:25:02,440 Well, now you're just being stupid. 1270 01:25:06,880 --> 01:25:09,640 I can explain. He forgot his passport and... 1271 01:25:09,680 --> 01:25:11,720 Who would that be, then, sir? 1272 01:25:14,480 --> 01:25:16,680 No, nothing. 1273 01:25:16,720 --> 01:25:19,680 Just ah... 1274 01:25:22,480 --> 01:25:24,160 Where is he? I don't know. 1275 01:25:24,200 --> 01:25:25,400 I do. 1276 01:25:28,160 --> 01:25:30,080 All right, here's one for you. 1277 01:25:30,120 --> 01:25:33,800 In what film did the hero say "I'll be back"? 1278 01:25:44,520 --> 01:25:47,920 Look at the time. I told Cath we'd be home by now. 1279 01:25:47,960 --> 01:25:51,200 It just flies by when you're having fun, doesn't it? 1280 01:25:51,240 --> 01:25:54,720 They had no right keeping that gun. No right at all. 1281 01:25:54,760 --> 01:25:57,960 We were spared the indignity of the snap of rubber gloves 1282 01:25:58,000 --> 01:26:00,600 and the squidge of surgical lubricant. 1283 01:26:00,640 --> 01:26:03,800 The James Herriot number. I wouldn't fancy that again. 1284 01:26:08,280 --> 01:26:10,280 Long story. 1285 01:26:17,120 --> 01:26:21,000 And another thing, why did they have to keep us apart like that? 1286 01:26:21,040 --> 01:26:23,520 Standard procedure, to check our stories. 1287 01:26:23,560 --> 01:26:25,840 To make sure we all said the same thing. 1288 01:26:25,880 --> 01:26:29,240 And we did, Maurice, we all said you were a tosser. 1289 01:26:29,280 --> 01:26:32,880 I'm sick of this. You've sniped at me since first thing this morning. 1290 01:26:32,920 --> 01:26:37,240 Know why? You've been a tosser since first thing this morning. 1291 01:26:37,280 --> 01:26:39,560 Lads, let's not spoil a lovely day, eh? 1292 01:26:42,600 --> 01:26:43,640 What? 1293 01:26:47,920 --> 01:26:51,760 I don't know how I explain to my daughter that we lost Daniel. 1294 01:26:51,800 --> 01:26:57,560 Don't worry, Clive. She might have some news for you. You never know. 1295 01:26:57,600 --> 01:27:00,440 What's that supposed to mean? Nothing. Ignore him. 1296 01:27:00,480 --> 01:27:02,480 MOBILE PHONE RINGS 1297 01:27:05,360 --> 01:27:06,360 Hello? 1298 01:27:06,400 --> 01:27:08,720 Where are you? 'Oh, hello, love.' 1299 01:27:08,760 --> 01:27:13,480 Yeah, we got held up. Unforeseen difficulties. 1300 01:27:13,520 --> 01:27:15,480 What's that supposed to mean? 1301 01:27:15,520 --> 01:27:18,240 Tell you later. We're just going through Ashford. 1302 01:27:18,280 --> 01:27:19,600 We'll be home in no time. 1303 01:27:19,640 --> 01:27:22,040 You haven't said anything to Clive? No, er... 1304 01:27:22,080 --> 01:27:24,440 No, nothing. I told you I wouldn't. 1305 01:27:24,480 --> 01:27:27,080 Did you find Daniel? 1306 01:27:27,120 --> 01:27:29,160 We found him. We lost him again. 1307 01:27:29,200 --> 01:27:33,400 'I'll explain it all when I get home. See you later, babe.' 1308 01:27:33,440 --> 01:27:35,240 All right, love. Drive carefully. 1309 01:27:35,280 --> 01:27:37,400 Aye. Bye-bye. 1310 01:27:48,640 --> 01:27:50,000 Welcome to England. 1311 01:28:01,160 --> 01:28:04,120 Oh, bloody hell! What? 1312 01:28:18,560 --> 01:28:21,160 Bloody hell! Bloody hell! Unhitch the trailer, Rob. 1313 01:28:21,200 --> 01:28:24,040 You unhitch it. Oh, God. 1314 01:28:27,840 --> 01:28:28,840 Ohhh! 1315 01:28:33,520 --> 01:28:35,880 Shall I call the fire brigade? 1316 01:28:35,920 --> 01:28:38,080 Yeah, yeah, call the fire brigade. 1317 01:28:40,800 --> 01:28:43,040 It's 999. I know! 1318 01:28:45,320 --> 01:28:48,120 GLASS BREAKING, CORKS POPPING 1319 01:28:50,880 --> 01:28:52,920 Oh, bloody hell! 1320 01:28:52,960 --> 01:28:55,920 That's two grand's worth of Champagne exploding. 1321 01:28:55,960 --> 01:28:57,800 What will I do about this wedding? 1322 01:28:57,840 --> 01:29:00,000 Don't worry, there isn't going to be one. 1323 01:29:00,040 --> 01:29:02,320 We don't know that for sure, do we, Rob? 1324 01:29:02,360 --> 01:29:04,160 We do. The groom's done a runner, 1325 01:29:04,200 --> 01:29:06,880 the bride's shagged the wedding photographer, 1326 01:29:06,920 --> 01:29:09,600 how can they get married after that? 1327 01:29:11,480 --> 01:29:12,480 What? 1328 01:29:12,520 --> 01:29:14,440 What? 1329 01:29:14,480 --> 01:29:18,520 What's that about the bride... Take no notice, he's just rambling. 1330 01:29:18,560 --> 01:29:20,560 They are on their way. Don't need them, 1331 01:29:20,600 --> 01:29:22,680 the Champagne's putting the fire out. 1332 01:29:22,720 --> 01:29:24,200 Definitely dying down. 1333 01:29:24,240 --> 01:29:26,520 EXPLOSION 1334 01:29:28,520 --> 01:29:31,280 All right, who bought the brandy? 1335 01:29:37,920 --> 01:29:41,200 Sorry, Clive. I wasn't supposed to say anything. 1336 01:29:41,240 --> 01:29:43,640 Poor Ruth must be going out of her mind. 1337 01:29:43,680 --> 01:29:45,880 She wasn't supposed to find out like this. 1338 01:29:45,920 --> 01:29:47,760 Why didn't you tell her? 1339 01:29:47,800 --> 01:29:51,520 I thought I could put it right. It's been coming for months. 1340 01:29:53,160 --> 01:29:56,600 Look, Clive, I know you're at rock bottom at the moment. 1341 01:29:56,640 --> 01:30:00,960 No more business, no wedding, most of your Champagne's on the A20. 1342 01:30:01,000 --> 01:30:05,040 But I really believe things have a way of working out for the best. 1343 01:30:05,080 --> 01:30:07,400 It's a cliche, but tomorrow's another day. 1344 01:30:07,440 --> 01:30:11,240 You have GOT to stop watching Richard and Judy. 1345 01:30:11,280 --> 01:30:13,320 I'm trying to be sympathetic here. 1346 01:30:13,360 --> 01:30:15,840 And you were and it's much appreciated. 1347 01:30:15,880 --> 01:30:20,120 Oh, well, obviously the wedding was never meant to be. 1348 01:30:20,160 --> 01:30:22,920 Shame, really, I liked Daniel. Yeah, I did. 1349 01:30:22,960 --> 01:30:24,920 Very er...personable. Yes. 1350 01:30:24,960 --> 01:30:28,080 Very uh... ENGINE SPLUTTERING 1351 01:30:31,280 --> 01:30:34,080 Forgot to put any petrol in! 1352 01:30:34,480 --> 01:30:36,280 What's happening? 1353 01:30:39,760 --> 01:30:41,760 Come on, lads, nearly there. 1354 01:30:44,360 --> 01:30:46,760 # If I were a rich man 1355 01:30:47,760 --> 01:30:51,520 ALL: # Vooby dooby dooby dooby dooby dooby dooby doo 1356 01:30:52,800 --> 01:30:56,160 # All day long I'd yiddy biddy bom 1357 01:30:56,920 --> 01:30:58,520 # If I were a wealth - # 1358 01:30:59,360 --> 01:31:01,360 Sorry, Clive. Sorry, Clive. 1359 01:31:10,400 --> 01:31:13,320 There you are, Robbie. 1360 01:31:14,840 --> 01:31:17,600 Woo! Well, it's been eventful. 1361 01:31:17,640 --> 01:31:19,760 It certainly has. 1362 01:31:19,800 --> 01:31:23,160 Don't know about you lot, but I love adventures, me. 1363 01:31:23,200 --> 01:31:26,240 We could do it again in a couple of weeks, if you fancy. 1364 01:31:26,280 --> 01:31:27,640 I don't think so. No. 1365 01:31:27,680 --> 01:31:29,640 You won't catch me going back. 1366 01:31:29,680 --> 01:31:31,760 OK, undecided. Take a couple of days. 1367 01:31:33,680 --> 01:31:36,320 I'll be off, then. See ya. See ya, Maurice. 1368 01:31:36,360 --> 01:31:38,600 Good night, Maurice. Cheerio. 1369 01:31:38,640 --> 01:31:43,600 Bye, Maurice. Mind how you go. 1370 01:31:43,640 --> 01:31:46,680 That's the first civil word you two have exchanged all day. 1371 01:31:46,720 --> 01:31:49,360 Yeah, well, I'm tired. 1372 01:31:49,400 --> 01:31:51,880 See ya. 1373 01:31:53,120 --> 01:31:55,880 Hey, what are you doing with my Champagne? 1374 01:31:55,920 --> 01:31:59,000 Well, I thought - Listen, I'll take it. 1375 01:31:59,040 --> 01:32:01,240 No, Dave, I - Don't worry about it. 1376 01:32:01,280 --> 01:32:04,800 Let me pay you - I wouldn't hear of it, Clivey. 1377 01:32:04,840 --> 01:32:06,600 Thanks, Dave. 1378 01:32:07,880 --> 01:32:09,600 So, what happens now? 1379 01:32:09,640 --> 01:32:12,280 In what respect? Well, the business and that. 1380 01:32:13,320 --> 01:32:15,000 Who knows? 1381 01:32:15,040 --> 01:32:18,240 Have to see what the bank has to say on Monday morning. 1382 01:32:18,280 --> 01:32:21,440 If we can buy some more time, then... 1383 01:32:21,480 --> 01:32:22,840 But if not... 1384 01:32:23,840 --> 01:32:26,000 Oh, God, it's horrible, you know. 1385 01:32:26,040 --> 01:32:29,000 Watching a business that you've built up from scratch 1386 01:32:29,040 --> 01:32:31,320 just fall to pieces in front of your eyes. 1387 01:32:31,360 --> 01:32:33,280 Hey, it hasn't happened yet. 1388 01:32:33,320 --> 01:32:35,160 And said yourself, if it does, 1389 01:32:35,200 --> 01:32:38,400 you built it up from scratch, you can always do it again. 1390 01:32:38,440 --> 01:32:40,280 I love your optimism, Dave. 1391 01:32:40,320 --> 01:32:42,920 There's no point in moping. Gets you nowhere. 1392 01:32:42,960 --> 01:32:44,640 True, and, ironically, 1393 01:32:44,680 --> 01:32:47,480 I don't have to pay for an expensive wedding any more. 1394 01:32:47,520 --> 01:32:49,840 Well, it all helps. 1395 01:32:50,880 --> 01:32:54,280 Poor Ruth. All that work for nothing. 1396 01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:55,800 She'll get over it. 1397 01:32:55,840 --> 01:33:00,040 I don't know how I'm going to explain how everything went so wrong. 1398 01:33:00,080 --> 01:33:01,920 God knows what she thinks of me now. 1399 01:33:01,960 --> 01:33:04,760 Well, there's only one way to find out. 1400 01:33:07,600 --> 01:33:09,640 Here. 1401 01:33:09,680 --> 01:33:13,440 Take these. They might help soften the landing. 1402 01:33:13,480 --> 01:33:16,000 Thank you, matey-boy. 1403 01:33:22,360 --> 01:33:25,240 What will you tell your friend about his trailer? 1404 01:33:25,280 --> 01:33:26,320 Ah, nothing. 1405 01:33:26,360 --> 01:33:28,560 He'll never notice. 1406 01:33:30,840 --> 01:33:33,920 Night, Dave. N'night, Clive. 1407 01:33:51,400 --> 01:33:52,720 Grace! 1408 01:34:00,480 --> 01:34:01,520 Grace - 1409 01:34:01,560 --> 01:34:04,640 Hello, dear, did you have a nice day? 1410 01:34:04,680 --> 01:34:07,280 Where have all those logs come from? 1411 01:34:12,600 --> 01:34:14,800 You're drunk. 1412 01:34:14,840 --> 01:34:16,360 What's that on your head? 1413 01:34:16,400 --> 01:34:18,360 Now, don't you start. 1414 01:34:38,440 --> 01:34:40,200 Leonie! 1415 01:34:41,200 --> 01:34:43,200 Leonie! 1416 01:34:43,240 --> 01:34:45,080 Where's my shed? 1417 01:34:56,120 --> 01:34:57,200 Champagne. 1418 01:34:57,240 --> 01:34:59,440 You silly man. 1419 01:34:59,480 --> 01:35:02,120 Why didn't you tell me about the business? 1420 01:35:03,120 --> 01:35:04,520 Admit to being a failure? 1421 01:35:05,960 --> 01:35:08,800 You'll never be a failure. 1422 01:35:18,960 --> 01:35:20,960 Hello, princess. 1423 01:35:23,400 --> 01:35:25,880 I hear you've had a bit of a day of it, too. 1424 01:35:31,000 --> 01:35:33,480 Let's have this now, shall we? 1425 01:35:33,520 --> 01:35:35,600 It might still be a little bit warm. 1426 01:36:09,400 --> 01:36:11,200 All done? Yep. 1427 01:36:12,760 --> 01:36:13,960 Made a nice cup of tea. 1428 01:36:14,000 --> 01:36:16,000 Ohhh, thanks, babe. 1429 01:36:18,600 --> 01:36:21,280 So, how was it? 1430 01:36:21,320 --> 01:36:24,880 Do you know, in a strange kind of way, it were brilliant. 1431 01:36:24,920 --> 01:36:27,320 Oh, good. 1432 01:36:34,480 --> 01:36:37,080 Did you remember my Cinzano? 1433 01:36:39,880 --> 01:36:41,880 subtitles by Deluxe