1 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,040 MOBILE RINGS 2 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,040 (MUTTERS ANGRILY) 3 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,720 All stand. 4 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,960 VICAR: Please be seated. 5 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,280 We meet in the presence of God... 6 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:41,200 who holds the keys of life and death. 7 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,400 We meet to remember the life of Elsie... 8 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:47,920 ..who has died. 9 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,040 (SIGHS) 10 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,680 Thank you, vicar. It was a lovely service. 11 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,360 Mum would have been so pleased. I'm delighted. 12 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,880 Interesting choice of music for the cremation. 13 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,120 Yes, it was a great favourite of Mum's. 14 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,280 Smoke Gets In Your Eyes. 15 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,320 Gracie. I thanked everyone for coming. Can we go now? 16 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,960 I'm talking to the Reverend Gilmartin, Maurice. 17 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,920 I can see that. Nice service, vicar. 18 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:14,640 Well done. Cheers. Can we go now? I'm getting hungry. 19 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,760 Maurice, I've got the vicar here and the crematorium. 20 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,560 I can get another urn in seconds. Don't tempt me. 21 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,800 Thank you so much...for everything. 22 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,600 How you doing, Grace? You all right? Oh, I'm fine, thanks, Leone. 23 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,200 It must have been terrible to lose her so suddenly. 24 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,920 Yes, I know she was 85 but... 25 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:39,200 it's still a shock when it happens. At least the old girl went quickly. 26 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:40,760 Which is all any of us can ask. 27 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,440 I'm not convinced your loft ladder didn't have something 28 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,600 to do with that. Not again, Grace, please. 29 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:48,840 He'd only just installed the damn thing and it came down like that. 30 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:52,320 It's supposed to come down like that. Not of its own accord at 3am! 31 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,520 Not when my mother's trotting off to the loo! 32 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:56,960 It didn't hit her hard. It sent her flying! 33 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,600 You know, I mean that sort of thing is bound to affect you. 34 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:04,240 It was days before she died. Even the coroner said there was no connection. 35 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,400 I do hope you'll all come back to the house for a drink. 36 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,880 Do come back to the house. 37 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,280 Are you going back? Yes. 38 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,760 But not for long. We've got things to do, haven't we, Dave? Yeah. 39 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,360 Has she still got you at it, Dave? Oh, yes. 40 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,880 Don't be like that! A lot of men'd kill to have as much sex as you! 41 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:27,360 A lot of men'd DIE having as much sex as I'm having. It's your fault. 42 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,520 How is it my fault? He's got low motility. What's that? 43 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,760 It means he's got lazy sperm. I haven't. You have. I haven't. 44 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,280 There's nothing wrong with my sperm! 45 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,520 They're just like him. Big lazy buggers. 46 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,000 They should be whizzing about. 47 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,960 Instead, they're lying on the sofa watching Match Of The Day. 48 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,760 I've had enough of this. I'm going to see Rob. You're not. 49 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,760 Oh, no, Dave! I promised him I'd pop round, I won't be long. 50 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,640 All right. But make sure you're not. 51 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:57,200 Oh, Dave. Remind him he's having the kids and not to be late. 52 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,120 Will do. Thank you. 53 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,080 No alcohol while you're there. Remember what the doctor said! 54 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,000 Shut up! 55 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:23,760 KNOCK AT DOOR 56 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,000 Hey. Hiya. 57 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,320 You didn't need to tidy up on my account. 58 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,120 Yes, sorry about this. A bit behind on the orders. 59 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,000 Want a beer? Erm...best not. 60 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,040 Any chance of a cup of tea? 61 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:48,000 Oh, Leone said to remind you you've got the kids all day tomorrow. 62 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:51,360 Don't be late. When have I ever been late for the kids? 63 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,800 Honestly, she's five miles away and she's still nagging me. 64 00:04:57,280 --> 00:05:00,440 So, how was Maurice's funeral? 65 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:04,200 It wasn't Maurice's. It was his mother-in-law's. I can dream. 66 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:07,400 How was the old slaphead? He wasn't that upset she'd gone. 67 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:11,200 Mind you, give him his due. He kept it to a smirk for Grace's sake. 68 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,800 So, you're still copying the old DVDs, eh? I've got to earn a living. 69 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,960 Two houses to run. Leone and the kids to keep. 70 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,080 This is wrong. What? 71 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,400 Well, it says Forest Hump. No, that's right. 72 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,680 Hump? 73 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:32,440 You're not knocking out porn, are you? Don't say it like that. 74 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,720 I'm only copying 'em. I'm not starring in 'em 75 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,920 Yeah, I think she's bearing up all right. 76 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,000 Mind you, it was a bit of a blow. 77 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:46,280 One minute the old girl was shouting the odds at Richard and Judy, 78 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,320 the next minute - phwwt! - gone. 79 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,360 Still, that's life, innit? 80 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,880 In the garden if you're going to smoke that. 81 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,400 Oh, God! I can't do a bloody thing right in this place. 82 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,240 It's not just this place. 83 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,840 Oh, look. There's one of Grace when she was a teenager. 84 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,880 She looks the same as she does now. 85 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,240 (BOTH GUFFAW) 86 00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,280 Look who's here. 87 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,320 He's changed a bit. 88 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:21,240 Would anyone like another sandwich? No, not for me, thanks. 89 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:25,160 Grace, it looks like someone's had a go at Maurice with a felt tip pen. 90 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,880 Show me. 91 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,280 Oh, no. He did have hair when I married him. 92 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,960 Oh, my God! Look at him here. (GUFFAWS) 93 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,000 He's a big boy, isn't he? 94 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,320 Oh, no. 95 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:41,560 Woollen swimming trunks always used to sag when they got wet. 96 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,680 I thought it was all him. 97 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:46,160 I should be so lucky. 98 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,640 Look. This must be their wedding. 99 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,640 Oh, doesn't Maurice look smart? 100 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,680 Yes. 101 00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,680 Oh, look at the date. 102 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,720 What? Look. 103 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,760 The date and the year. 104 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,800 Oh. 105 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,600 So, how are things in Robbie land? 106 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,320 Yeah. Great. 107 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,360 Life of a single man. 108 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,640 Tops. Is it? 109 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,680 Yeah, you know. 110 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,080 I'm my own boss. Come and go as I please. 111 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,560 Brilliant. 112 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,800 If you say so, matey boy. 113 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,680 It's just, you know... 114 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,720 I always thought you and Leone... 115 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,040 What? 116 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:38,280 I don't know. It's just a shame how it all worked out. 117 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:41,240 You were always really good together. 118 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,280 Yeah. Well... 119 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,760 ..that's all over now. Water under the bridge. 120 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:51,240 And, to be honest, I think she's probably happier without me. 121 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,280 Well, that's...er... 122 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:57,440 ..not what she said to Cath. Right, Rob. I'm off. 123 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,520 Oh, hello, Dave. I thought I heard your voice. 124 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,960 Hiya, Jackie. I didn't know you were here. 125 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,000 How you doing? Yeah, fine. 126 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,040 Fine, thanks, babe. How are you? 127 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:10,200 Oh, not bad. I've just been to a funeral this morning. 128 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,520 Oh, lovely. Anyone you knew? 129 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,960 Well, yeah. I mean, why else would I go? 130 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,200 Oh, yeah, I suppose. It was the mother of a friend of ours. 131 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,680 Oh, why didn't you go, Rob? 132 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,440 I wasn't asked. Well, er... 133 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,400 better get going. They'll be expecting me back at Maurice's. 134 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,560 Hey, see you down The Swan tomorrow night. About 8? 135 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,800 I'll have dropped the kids off by then. Magic. 136 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,840 See you later, Jackie. Bye, Dave. 137 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,040 Ooh, I've got to dash too, babe. 138 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,920 Now, you've not forgotten Saturday, have you? Saturday? 139 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:47,080 We're going down Dungeness to see Mum and Dad. Oh, yeah. 140 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,800 Yeah. Can't wait. Neither can I. 141 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,840 Bye, lover. 142 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,920 Right. It's time for a proper drink, I think. 143 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,880 I've had enough tea to threaten the Thames Barrier. 144 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,920 Who's going to join me? 145 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,800 So, what happens now, Grace? 146 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:19,040 Is she going to stay in the garden of rest? Oh, no. 147 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,200 Tomorrow we're collecting her ashes. 148 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,360 And then, on Saturday, we're heading off to Yorkshire. 149 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,760 To scatter them on the moors. Aw! How lovely. 150 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,480 Hm. She had some of her happiest times up there. 151 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,880 With my dad. Holidays and odd weekends. 152 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:36,720 Their favourite part of the world. 153 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,760 Bloody Yorkshire. 154 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,800 All the way to bloody Yorkshire just to chuck her over the moors! 155 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,680 But if it's what she wanted. It seems she went with Jack a lot. 156 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:49,000 There you go. She used to go to The Glades Shopping Centre in Bromley. 157 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,120 Why can't we scatter her there? Make visiting easier. 158 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,200 That's for sure. 159 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,160 Of course, it's all a massive inconvenience to Maurice. 160 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,520 If it was down to him, we'd empty her in the bin like a Hoover bag. 161 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:03,800 He keeps going on and on about how much it's going to cost him. 162 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,320 50 quid for petrol. Then there's food. 163 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,360 Staying over. 164 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,200 The hotel's going to cost 60 quid or more, isn't it? 165 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:13,680 I wonder if I can borrow my mate's camper van again. 166 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,320 Maurice, now come on. 167 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,880 I know she wasn't your favourite person but you can't skimp on this. 168 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,320 No, you're right. 169 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:25,680 Especially since the old biddy might have left me a bit of legacy. 170 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,680 Really? Two French clocks. Antiques. 171 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,960 Oh, well, that's nice. Well, it will be if I can get my hands on 'em. 172 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,400 It'll be something for you to treasure, won't it? Treasure? 173 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:39,160 I'm not keeping the bloody things! They're worth nearly 10 grand. 174 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,280 As soon as probate's sorted I'm off to the auction house. 175 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,440 Jeanie, will you give these to Richard when he comes back? 176 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,360 Get him to have a look at the figures. I think he's way off. 177 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,760 Ah. Good morning, Dave. 178 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,600 Marcus, this is a surprise. A pleasant one, I hope. 179 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,560 Oh, yes. Always pleased to see my biggest customer. 180 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,120 Come up to my office, please. Yes, of course. 181 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,360 You've never been in the new premises before. 182 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,240 No. No, I haven't. But I've often tried to envisage 183 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:31,160 what the QBL empire would look like. 184 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,680 And is this how you imagined it? Sadly, yes. 185 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,720 Just in there, Marcus. 186 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,760 Welcome to the nerve centre. (FEIGNS LAUGHTER) 187 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,800 Please take a seat. Thank you. 188 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,600 Can I get you a tea or a coffee? No, thanks. 189 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,320 So, how can I help you? 190 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,400 Well, actually, David, I need a favour. Ask away, Marcus. 191 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,440 You know I can deny you nothing. 192 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,120 You are going to that bathroom and shower exhibition 193 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:00,240 in Leeds on Saturday? Yeah. Yeah. We're staying over. 194 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,640 Yeah. Cath's really excited. Well... 195 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,840 I want to get a present to my brother 196 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,080 who lives not far from where you're going to be. 197 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,520 Not a problem. You tell me what you want me to get him. 198 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:10,600 No. No. No. 199 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,840 Oh, no. I'm on my way to pick up the present myself. 200 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,640 It's just I don't want to trust the delivery to an anonymous courier. 201 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,680 It is rather valuable. Consider it done, Marcus. 202 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:24,560 Why don't you come with us? That way you can give the present yourself. 203 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,920 Plenty of room in the car. Hotel and dinner on me, of course. 204 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,280 Tempting as a weekend in Leeds sounds, sadly I must decline. 205 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,000 My wife's ghastly family are descending upon us 206 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:38,080 and I have been instructed to play the convivial host. 207 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,080 Maybe next time, eh? Yes. 208 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,800 Well, I'll drop the gift off at your house this evening 209 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,040 if that's convenient. Would you mind if it was a bit later? 210 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,880 Cath's got a salsa class and I'm meeting Rob for a drink. Where? 211 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:53,120 The White Swan. What time will you be there? 8-ish. 212 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,760 Very well. I'll see you then. 213 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,760 It will be awfully nice to see Rob again. 214 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:02,400 Yeah, I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see you too. Yes, I'm sure (!) 215 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,720 Let me show you out. Thank you. 216 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,320 DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES 217 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,720 Gracie! I'm in here. 218 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,760 Here she is. 219 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,800 Home at last. 220 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,840 A carrier bag?! 221 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,960 You brought my mother home in a carrier bag?! 222 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,000 Well, I didn't want to sit on the bus with an urn. People'd stare. 223 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,880 A BUS? I told you to take a cab! 224 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,960 Yeah, but you know what a cab would cost. 225 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,720 Anyway, I've got my bus pass. Silly not to use it. 226 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,760 Oh! 227 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:41,560 I didn't have to pay any more for her. She sat on my lap. 228 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,840 I had a bit of a peek inside. 229 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,840 It's amazing what little room she actually occupies. 230 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:56,520 Considering the amount of space she took up here. Oh! 231 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:03,760 There you are, Mum. There's a nice spot for you. 232 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:07,800 You're not going to leave her there. It's only till the weekend. 233 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,520 I booked the hotel, by the way. It looks very nice. 234 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,880 How much? £120. 235 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,200 120 QUID? 236 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,440 Where we staying? The Hilton? 237 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,560 I don't know why we have to stop over. 238 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,640 We could go up and back in a day if we went by train. 239 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,600 Three hours up. Scatter the ashes. Three hours back. 240 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:29,280 Home in bed with a mug of cocoa by eleven! Why bother getting off? 241 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,400 We could get on the Intercity 125 and chuck her out the window. 242 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:36,240 You're being silly. Better still we have Dan and Muriel at Tadcaster. 243 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:39,080 We could get them to scatter the ashes for us. 244 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,840 We could shove Mother in a Jiffy bag and post her to them. 245 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,840 You're more trouble now than when you were alive. 246 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,960 So when we saw the date on the wedding photo 247 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,600 we realised the day Maurice and Grace will be scattering 248 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,840 the ashes in Yorkshire is also their 40th wedding anniversary. 249 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,480 They never said anything. That's the point, Dave. 250 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,320 They haven't said because they aren't doing anything. 251 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,480 They've been too wound up with the funeral. 252 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,800 It's a shame, isn't it? They should do summat to celebrate. 253 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:13,760 That's just what we were thinking. So, Leone suggested... 254 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:17,120 that we organise something special for them this weekend. 255 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,560 Well, we can't, can we? We're doing something ourselves. 256 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,040 Yes, Dave. We're in LEEDS. 257 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,080 Which is... 258 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,320 whe-ere? 259 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,000 Ohh! 260 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,800 Yeah. Aahhhh! 261 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,600 So we're staying just outside Leeds. 262 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:37,480 I can do my business in the city and we can drive to the moors 263 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,120 and scatter Elsie's ashes and in-between... 264 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:44,440 we're surprising Maurice and Grace with an anniversary meal. Who's going? 265 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:48,880 Well, Maurice and Grace, obviously. Me and Cath. And...erm...Leone. 266 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,080 What about me? 267 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,800 You? Yeah. Me. 268 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:56,720 Or am I getting frozen out again? Oh, come on. It's not like that. 269 00:15:56,760 --> 00:16:00,200 I'd love to invite you. It's just... it would be awkward. 270 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:04,120 I don't see how. You and Leone in a car together. 271 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,560 You and Maurice in a car together, for that matter. 272 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,160 Either way, it's a recipe for some serious friction. 273 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,640 Can't see you wanting that. Saturday? What time you leaving? 274 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,440 Oh, you're not thinking of coming, are you, mate? Yeah. 275 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,880 We are talking about two days with Maurice. I know. 276 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,800 But he's my favourite sport. Don't deny me. What about Leone? 277 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,120 It'll be fine. We can cope. We're grown-ups. 278 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:24,400 Well, she is. 279 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,840 Besides, being stuck in a car with them two 280 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,480 is infinitely preferable to going to poxy Dungeness. 281 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:33,080 What you going there for? Jackie wants me to meet her parents. 282 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,160 Oh, dear. Exactly. 283 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,120 Anyway, a couple of days away from Jacks won't hurt. 284 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:42,760 I thought you two were getting on all right. All right covers it. 285 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,600 So come on then, am I going or not? 286 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:48,040 Yeah. Course. I'll give you a buzz when I've sorted out the details. 287 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:51,720 And remember, this anniversary do is a secret so don't say anything. 288 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,760 No worries. Ah, David. There you are. 289 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,520 Ooh, I just felt a strange disturbance in the Force. 290 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,560 Tell me that's not who I think it is. 291 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,120 Well, well, well. If it isn't Lord Snooty. 292 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,640 Hello, Rob. I see you've graduated to cutlery. 293 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,520 You are coming on in leaps and bounds. 294 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,360 You just going to stand there making snide comments or get a round in? 295 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,400 Erm...that's all right, Marcus. 296 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:16,440 Keith, can I have a large Glenfiddich, please? 297 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,480 Cheers. 298 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,240 Oh, I feel guilty now. I didn't get you anything. 299 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,920 Do you want a chip? I think not. 300 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,800 So, how's it going? Still shooting peasants out of season? 301 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,240 How frightfully droll you are. 302 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,880 What you doing here anyway? I've come to see David 303 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,440 about this little trip to Yorkshire. Oh, for f- YOU'RE not coming? 304 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,600 He's not coming, is he? No, he's not. 305 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,400 Thank God for that. For a moment, a weekend in Dungeness 306 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,720 was starting to look very appealing. No offence, Marcus. None taken. 307 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:52,280 David has offered to deliver this to my brother-in-law in Leeds. 308 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,120 Here are all the details. Time, place etc. 309 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,160 Excellent. You can depend on me. 310 00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,520 Why don't you just post it to him? It's valuable. 311 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,560 And fragile. 312 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:06,200 Anyway, that's why I've entrusted it to a good and loyal friend. 313 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:09,920 No worries, Marcus. You leave it to me. Well, business concluded. 314 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,320 I'll be on my way. 315 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:15,400 I hope all goes well with the party. Thank you. 316 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,440 Bring us back a vol-au-vent. 317 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:21,760 Oh, very good. You must keep your friends amused for hours. 318 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,440 Bye. Bye, Marcus. See you later. 319 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,480 You take care. 320 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,520 Who you calling? Police. 321 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,480 He's had a large whisky and he's driving. Thought I'd shop him. 322 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,360 He's got a chauffeur. Oh, yeah. 323 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,480 Bummer. 324 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,520 RUNNING WATER 325 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:46,800 I'm so touched that everyone wants to come up to Yorkshire with us. 326 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:50,720 Yeah. And with Dave taking us all in that bus of his, 327 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,160 it's going to save a few bob. 328 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,280 Oh! Not everything's about money, Maurice. 329 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,320 Oh, no. No. 330 00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,360 No, of course not. You're right. 331 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,680 So, how's the will looking? 332 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,000 Any surprises? 333 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,800 I'm still getting the clocks, aren't I? 334 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,240 Well, that depends. 335 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,520 Depends? What do you mean depends? 336 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,960 Depends on what? Good night, dear. 337 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,640 Gracie. 338 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,640 (SIGHS AND TUTS) 339 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,240 DOOR CREAKS 340 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,680 Hello, you. 341 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,720 Oh. Hiya, Cath. I thought you'd be asleep already. 342 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:54,000 No, darling. I've been waiting up for you. 343 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,240 Hurry up. At least let me get in the room first. 344 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:01,840 Oh, all right. Go and get washed. I'll be waiting. 345 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,960 Oh, come on, Cath. Can I not have a night off, eh? 346 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,680 Just for once? No, Dave. 347 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,120 Look. It's all here in my diary. 348 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,440 Oh...er...you found it. 349 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:14,400 Yes, I did. Look. 350 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,320 We have a window of opportunity and I'm not going to miss it. 351 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:19,360 Remember what the doctor said. 352 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,800 So, come on. Get a move on. Cath... 353 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,000 please. 354 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:27,440 I'm exhausted. I can't go on like this morning, noon and night. 355 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:31,800 You wouldn't do this to a lawn mower. What's that got to do with it? 356 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,840 It's the same thing. 357 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,520 Look, you get great results from a lawn mower 358 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,080 if you use it once a week. No need to drag it out the shed 359 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:42,560 and whack it round the garden every four hours. 360 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:46,000 You just knacker the engine out. Do you know what I mean? I do. 361 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,520 Really? Yes. Of course. 362 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,560 Oh, good. 363 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,200 Now, hurry up and get your kit off. 364 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:06,400 Morning. Morning, all. We were going to come round and pick you up. 365 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,440 I wish you had. 366 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,480 This thing weighs a ton. 367 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,240 What have you got in there? Oh, just a few bits and bobs. 368 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,280 Blimey! 369 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,280 Is that the urn, Maurice? 370 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,480 Yeah, this is Elsie. What's left of her. 371 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,800 Hey, Dave. 372 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,400 Quick impression. Who's this? 373 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,880 Mike Gatting carrying off the Ashes! (BOTH CHORTLE) 374 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:34,120 Maurice! 375 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:37,320 Do you want to put Elsie in the back, Maurice? 376 00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:39,680 You could wedge her between the cases. Oh, yeah. 377 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,440 That's a good idea. Oh, no. No. 378 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,040 Maurice is carrying her. Aren't you, dear? 379 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,840 Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Yes, I am. 380 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:50,680 It's one of the conditions of Mum's will that Maurice carries the urn 381 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,080 all the time until the scattering tomorrow. 382 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:55,200 Otherwise I don't get the clocks. 383 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,320 Otherwise he doesn't get the clocks. 384 00:21:57,360 --> 00:22:00,760 I'll let you know about the other conditions as we get to them. 385 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,160 OTHER conditions? 386 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,240 Right. As soon as Rob gets here, we'll be off. 387 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,800 You all right about Rob coming? Oh, yeah. It's fine. 388 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,120 I see enough of him as it is. That's nice. 389 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,960 Nobody asked me if I'm all right about him coming! Bloody vandal! 390 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,000 It's all right. He's here. 391 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,400 Morning, Roberto. All right? 392 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,560 How's old tithead this morning? Behaving himself? 393 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,320 I thought we weren't going to have any aggro. 394 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:36,200 With my bitter and estranged wife and the neighbour from hell 395 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:37,400 in the same car? No. 396 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:41,040 You told me you'd be cool. Stop panicking. I'm winding you up. 397 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:50,240 Morning all. How are you, Maurice? All right? 398 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:53,520 What? 399 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,920 I'm waiting for your usual sarky comment. 400 00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:59,240 Let's have it. I'm pacing myself. Don't want to peak too soon. 401 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,080 All right. Fine. You? 402 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:08,320 Yeah. 403 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,440 Kids with your mum, are they? Yes. 404 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:15,080 I thought it would be nice for them to stay with a responsible adult. 405 00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:17,920 What have I done now? Fizzy drinks and chocolate. 406 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,360 Is that your idea of a balanced meal? 407 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,320 Well, they seemed to like it. Of course. They're children. 408 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:26,600 They were completely uncontrollable. They had a good time. 409 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,160 I know they had a good time. They always do with you. You spoil them. 410 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,440 You're not the one that has to drag them down from the pelmets. 411 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:37,640 I'm sorry. I'll leave them in the car next time. Don't be ridiculous. 412 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,760 Just be a bit more responsible. That's all I'm asking. 413 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,440 Whoo! Right. Yorkshire here we come. 414 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,000 Rob. 415 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,200 Oh... 416 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,360 Who is it? It's her. 417 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:05,960 Hey. Hey. 418 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,920 What the bloody hell are you doing? 419 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,640 What do you think? We're going to Yorkshire, aren't we? 420 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:14,000 No. You're going to Dungeness. You said we couldn't. 421 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:18,280 We're going to Yorkshire instead. I said WE couldn't go to Dungeness 422 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,520 because WE were going to Yorkshire. Do you see? 423 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,960 It's two different we's. Oh, no. 424 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,000 No, I didn't get that at all. 425 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,200 Anyway, I'm here now. 426 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,640 Yeah, I can see you're here now. Where do you want me? At home. 427 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,800 (GIGGLES) You. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 428 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,240 Where the bloody hell do you think you're going? 429 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,080 I'm getting in. You're not listening to me. 430 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,120 You cannot come with us. 431 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:43,840 Leone's here. 432 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:45,880 So what? So what?! 433 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,840 I can't have you and her in the same car. 434 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,160 Well, this is a turn-up, isn't it? 435 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,560 Oh, be quiet, Maurice. 436 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,600 And stop drumming on Mother. 437 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,720 Would you like me to have a word? Explain things. No. 438 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,400 It's fine. Tell her she can come. 439 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,600 What?! Tell her, will you, Dave? 440 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,640 Well, I don't think that's such a good idea, do you? 441 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:14,160 It's fine. Honestly. Yeah, but she's the woman who... I know who she is. 442 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:18,520 Just tell her she can come, will you? Please? OK. 443 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,200 I hope you know what you're doing. 444 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,440 I can't see any sense in this at all. 445 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,440 I'm not giving him the satisfaction of thinking I'm bothered. 446 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,640 He's got another woman, so bloody what? 447 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,680 Well, that's very...erm... 448 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,720 grown-up. 449 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:39,240 Anyway, it's not me who's going to feel embarrassed. It's him. 450 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:41,280 And it serves him right as well. 451 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,320 Hello. 452 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,560 Excuse me. 453 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,720 Up front. 454 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,440 You want me? Yeah. 455 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,680 I just wanted to say I hope this isn't too awkward for you. 456 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,040 Oh, it's fine. I could have died when Robbie told me 457 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,600 his ex-wife was on board. Er...not ex. 458 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,320 I'm STILL his wife. 459 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,760 You're his wife? Yes. 460 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,240 That's Leone? Yes. 461 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,000 So who's she then? 462 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,840 SHE is Cath. Dave's wife. 463 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,440 Oh, I got it all mixed up. 464 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,600 You're not at all like he described. 465 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,560 How was that, Rob? 466 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,640 Yes, how WAS that, Rob? 467 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,240 Oh, God! 468 00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,200 Actually, that's easier. Means I don't have to shout. 469 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,160 As I was saying. I hope this isn't too awkward for you. 470 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,400 It's not awkward in the least. It's fine. 471 00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,440 Oh. Good. 472 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,320 They you are, you see. She's not unreasonable at all. 473 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:06,560 You should have heard him just now. He was all over the place. 474 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:11,920 You see, what blokes don't get is that women can handle 475 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:13,800 awkward situations like this. 476 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:17,040 Cos we're more mature. Don't you think? 477 00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:19,520 Yeah. Well, maybe. 478 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:22,600 Yeah. You see? 479 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,320 Isn't she nice? 480 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:26,160 Yeah. Terrific. 481 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:29,080 Unreasonable, Rob? I don't even remember saying it! 482 00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:31,760 Yeah, you did. When we first started seeing each other. 483 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,440 Yeah. All right. Can we just...? Please? 484 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:35,720 Thank you. 485 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:37,400 Sorry. 486 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,960 Maurice! 487 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:45,080 I'm not going to light it. It's a comfort thing. 488 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:48,080 Get yourself a dummy. That thing stinks. 489 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:49,640 What do you say to the kids? 490 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,040 I don't say anything about you. 491 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:55,480 Do you think my pipe smells, Cathy? Don't drag Cath into this. 492 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:59,120 Yes, it bloody stinks. Oh, shut up, the lot of you! I've had enough. 493 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:02,240 We're not even at Swanley. 494 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,560 All you've done is bicker and snipe like schoolchildren. 495 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,040 Well, it can stop right now. All right? 496 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:10,560 We're going to scatter Grace's mum's ashes 497 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,800 and we're going to have a right laugh doing it. I know it came out wrong, 498 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,920 but you know what I mean. No, you're absolutely right. 499 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,840 We should have a good time. This trip should be fun. 500 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,560 Goodness knows my mother liked a laugh. 501 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,520 Really? I must have been out that afternoon. 502 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,240 Oi! That hurt. 503 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,360 Right. So no more arguing. No more sniping. 504 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:33,280 All right? 505 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,440 All right? Sorry, Dave. 506 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,480 Yes, sorry, Dave. Sorry. 507 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:48,920 # We're all going on a summer holiday 508 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:52,560 # No more working for a week or two 509 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:57,080 GRACE AND DAVE: # Fun and laughter on a summer holiday 510 00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:03,480 # No more worry for me and you, for a week or two 511 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:07,720 # We're going where the sun shines brightly 512 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,760 # We're going where the sea is blue # 513 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,200 RADIO: # I-I-I... 514 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,160 I will always love you # Making good time. 515 00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:25,160 Where are we stopping for lunch? This little place called The George. 516 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,800 In Stamford. It's like a little coaching inn. 517 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,560 Ooh, that sounds nice. I bet it's expensive. 518 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:33,800 Then it's off to Leeds. Check in. 519 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,440 Erm...I've got to have a shufty round the exhibition. 520 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,400 Back for dinner. Sunday morning, drop off the parcel. 521 00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,320 Go up to the moors about noon, if that's all right, Grace. 522 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,360 Yeah, fine with me. 523 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,080 RADIO: It's Sam with the traffic news. What's happening? 524 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,080 Well, Roy, we're just getting news of an oil spillage on the A1 525 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,200 south of Wansford. Traffic is tailing back to junction 17 on the A1(M). 526 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,280 Police are advising drivers to find alternative routes. 527 00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,800 We'll update you with more info as we get it. 528 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,320 We'd best find a way round it. You got an atlas in the car, Dave? 529 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,440 I don't need an atlas, I've got a compass in my head, eh? 530 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:16,720 So, here are our choices. Garthorpe, Sproxton, Teigh, Wy-mond-ham. 531 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:19,920 Come on, then, Cochise, 532 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:21,960 which one? I don't know. Er... 533 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,000 What is it that stops men looking at maps? 534 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,840 It's like they're afraid to admit they need help. 535 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:33,720 It's the same with instruction books. 536 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:37,600 Whenever we bought something new, Rob would shove them in the drawer. 537 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:39,200 My Dave does that. 538 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,360 He'll never refer to them. Even when things start going wrong. 539 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:46,000 They never want to admit defeat. Always think they know better. 540 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,040 I reckon... 541 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,000 ..it's an ego thing. 542 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:55,920 So, come on, then. Make a decision. 543 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,840 Garthorpe. Why don't we retrace our steps 544 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,880 and go back to the last main road? 545 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:02,920 Why don't you just - 546 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,720 Actually, that's not a bad idea, as it happens. 547 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,240 We're turning around. It was my idea. 548 00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:46,400 CRUNCH 549 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,440 Oh! Is everyone all right? 550 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,280 Oh, I think so. Nothing broken. 551 00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:53,040 Is Mum all right? 552 00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,080 JACKIE: Did Dave mean to do that? 553 00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,120 Bloody hell! 554 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,000 Anything? Nah. You? 555 00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:13,040 Nope. 556 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,560 Maybe we should get Bald Eagle to send a smoke signal. 557 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,920 I'll walk down and see if I can find a house. Coming, Maurice? 558 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:24,920 We're going for help. Oh, all right, love. 559 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,960 Rob. 560 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,000 Yep. I won't be long, love. 561 00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:38,080 It's not the end of the world, matey boy. These things happen. 562 00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:41,200 Every time we get into a car together. 563 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,240 It never used to be like this. 564 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,960 It only started going pear-shaped when old tithead came on board! 565 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,680 Are you having a go at me again? It needs to be said. 566 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,720 The name Jonah does spring to mind. Thanks very much. 567 00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:55,720 I suppose it's only a matter of time before you chuck me out the car 568 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:59,400 and drive off without me. Works for me. Dave? Leave him alone. 569 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:08,760 Haven't you got lovely skin? 570 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:12,400 Sorry? 571 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,120 I noticed it straight off. It's really creamy. 572 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,160 Well, thank you. 573 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,200 You see when you get to her age, 574 00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,760 you expect skin to get wrinkled and leathery. 575 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:23,280 Oh, do you? 576 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,360 Oh, no, don't take it like that, Grace. 577 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:29,920 There's loads you can do. Come into the salon. I'll sort you out. 578 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:32,360 Come Wednesdays. It's half price for old people. 579 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:33,920 How could I refuse (?) 580 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:35,840 You can come too, Cath. 581 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:37,960 Get your sebaceous ducts sorted out. 582 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,120 My what? Your sebaceous ducts. 583 00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,160 They're overactive. 584 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,000 That's what you've got such terrible oily pores. 585 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,640 You need a good astringent, you do. Proper cleanser. 586 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:50,040 Come in for a scrub. 587 00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:52,720 But you... 588 00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:56,000 well, there's nothing to do there, is there? 589 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:58,040 Fabulous complexion. 590 00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,880 What moisturiser do you use? Don't do this. 591 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:04,120 Don't do what? Don't try and be my friend. I'm not interested. 592 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,360 No, I wasn't. I was just saying - 593 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:09,520 I know, but I don't want you hear it. 594 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,320 Right. Let's get one thing straight. 595 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:14,840 You are here because I didn't want Rob thinking he had one over on me. 596 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:17,680 Nothing more. OK. 597 00:34:17,720 --> 00:34:19,720 OK. 598 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,320 Do you think it's open? 599 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,360 Not since 1941. 600 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,000 It says it's open. 601 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:42,960 Hello? Anyone home? 602 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:46,640 DAD! 603 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,480 Afternoon, gents. 604 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,520 Hiya. Erm... 605 00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:58,680 I wonder if you could help us. We've driven the car into a ditch 606 00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:01,440 a couple of miles up the road. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 607 00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:05,400 Well, we best tow you out, then. 608 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,320 Roland, get the truck. 609 00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,760 Have you sorted in no time. 610 00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:21,640 How's it looking? 611 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:25,160 You've cracked the flange on your axle casing. 612 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,280 Is that bad? 613 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,880 It's quiet here, innit? Can't be much passing trade. 614 00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:35,200 None. No-one ever comes to Little Missingham. Ever. 615 00:35:35,240 --> 00:35:38,560 No. Not any more. Not since t'bypass come through. 616 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:40,160 Bypass? 617 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,080 I'm surprised you didn't see it. It's only a quarter of a mile 618 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:45,120 from where you were. 619 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,440 "I've got a compass in my head," he says. 620 00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:51,520 Shame you haven't got something more useful like a brain. Thank you. 621 00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:53,440 So how do you make a living right out here? 622 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:57,240 As well as the garage, I've got the beetroot farm. 623 00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,520 And young Roland, here, well, he's the real businessman. 624 00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:03,800 He sells these late-flowering geraniums in the village. 625 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:08,400 Roland, I've got to talk to Harvey about getting parts for the car. 626 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:11,160 Why don't you show the folk your greenhouse? Oh, no, Dad. 627 00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:14,480 They won't be interested in that. Course they will. Go on. 628 00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:16,120 Give 'em the guided tour. 629 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,160 Right. Well I'm game. 630 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,160 Yeah, me too. Yeah. 631 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,720 No, let's go for a nice walk. 632 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,200 Oh. OK. 633 00:36:26,240 --> 00:36:29,040 I'll see you in a bit. Come on, then, Pumpkin. 634 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:31,760 Oh, yeah. Off you go, Pumpkin. 635 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,640 Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is she? 636 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,800 Oh, she's typical. Believe me. 637 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,080 Oh, you've been busy. 638 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,840 Yeah, hasn't he just? 639 00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:58,040 Here, Rob, aren't these...? 640 00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,080 BOTH: Late-flowering geraniums. 641 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,680 They're not very colourful, are they? They haven't flowered yet. 642 00:37:07,720 --> 00:37:10,040 Just the one variety you grow, is it? 643 00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:13,440 Yeah. They've very popular. I'll bet they are. 644 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:18,280 So, this is it, is it? 645 00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:20,640 Well, I've got two more polytunnels. Eh? 646 00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,400 What's in them? The same. 647 00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:25,960 Oh, really. Really? 648 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:28,840 Yeah, well... 649 00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,280 ..thanks for the tour. Very...educational. 650 00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:35,800 I think I'll go back and join the others. 651 00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:37,840 Yeah, I think I'll come with you. 652 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:41,000 Are you coming, Rob? Yeah. I'll just be a minute. 653 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,720 Three greenhouses? You must be making a fortune. 654 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:49,800 I don't know what you're talking about. 655 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,280 Oh, please! Late-flowering geraniums? 656 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:55,560 Give me a break! If this lot caught fire half the county'd be stoned. 657 00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:58,800 Oh, look...you're not going to say anything to anybody, are you? 658 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:00,840 No, we're cool. 659 00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:05,320 Erm...listen, you haven't got any that's good to go, have you? 660 00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,320 Now, there's an unlikely pairing. 661 00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:17,040 Want to watch your step, Grace. 662 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:19,400 She'll be running off with your Maurice next. 663 00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:21,560 She'll have to stop every five minutes 664 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,880 so he can catch his breath. (GIGGLES) 665 00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:27,120 Well, how was it? A bit boring, really. 666 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:29,160 He only grows one type of plant. 667 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:32,360 So, we're off to Yorkshire, then? Hopefully. 668 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:36,320 Why Yorkshire? Oh, because it was one of my mum's favourite places. 669 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,160 She thought it was very romantic. 670 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,200 Well, she's not wrong there. 671 00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:41,840 You watch Emmerdale or Heartbeat. 672 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:45,000 There's always a good love story in them. OK. 673 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,200 Right. How we doing? 674 00:38:47,240 --> 00:38:49,640 We're still waiting to hear about the car. 675 00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:55,920 Well, I'm afraid I can't get the parts till Tuesday. What do we do? 676 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,800 Ah, well...I might be able to help you there. 677 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,680 There you go. Beauty, isn't she? 678 00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:07,040 Of all the words to describe it, beauty wouldn't be top of my list. 679 00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:10,760 Eh, don't be fooled by her looks. She's a little classic. Hiya. 680 00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:14,000 Oh, hello. We were wondering when you were gonna get back. 681 00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:16,920 Yeah. We've just been off...exploring. 682 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,160 Yeah, we heard you exploring. Did you? 683 00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:24,200 (I told you.) So, what's the news on the car? 684 00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:26,840 We've cracked the flange and the axle casing. 685 00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:28,360 Yeah, we know that, Jackie. 686 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:29,920 So, can you fix it? 687 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:32,880 Not till Tuesday so I've suggested you borrow this. 688 00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:36,520 You can return it when you pick up the Peugeot. That's very kind. 689 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:40,280 That'll only take five and there's seven of us here. Eight with Mum. 690 00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:43,120 Not a problem. Chugger Milburn rents out cars. 691 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,680 Roland'll run you over to his place. There you go. 692 00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:48,200 You girls take the car and we'll see you later. 693 00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:51,320 Oh, lovely. We'll have a girlie day out. Hey, girls? 694 00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:53,480 Ooh, great (!) 695 00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:59,840 Right. Shall I drive? Do you know where we're going? No. 696 00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:02,360 We can't make a big a mess of it than they did. 697 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:06,000 Go down there five miles and you'll see the signs for the main road. 698 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,480 Take care, darling. You too. You drive safely. 699 00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:10,600 Mind how you go, Maurice and look after mum. 700 00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:13,640 No problem. She's in safe hands. See you later, Babe. 701 00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,760 Yeah. OK. 702 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:21,320 Keep your mobile switched on. We'll keep in touch. Righto. 703 00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,400 Here. I can see the road. 704 00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:31,240 Yeah. Well, we can all see the road. No, down here through the floor. 705 00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:36,080 Bye-bye. 706 00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,400 Right. Let's get you lads sorted. 707 00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,880 I don't know what Vernon's on. I've not hired cars here for years. 708 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,320 No, it's aircraft these days. 709 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,320 A bit of local crop spraying and a bit of charter. 710 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,360 Charter, eh? Perfect. 711 00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:03,640 Eh? How much to fly us to Yorkshire? 712 00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:06,280 Three of you? £600. 713 00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,200 600 quid?! That's a bit too much for us. 714 00:41:09,240 --> 00:41:12,520 Sorry. Can't do it any cheaper, I'm afraid. 715 00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,280 We'll go to the main road and find our way to town. 716 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:18,280 Thanks anyway. 600 quid! 717 00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:21,000 Arrgghh! 718 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,040 It's all right. It's all right. Don't panic. 719 00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:27,440 OK. Now, she's just lying there. 720 00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:31,160 So all we have to do is scoop her up, stick her back in the urn, 721 00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:34,120 and no-one will be any the wiser. Great idea, Robbie. 722 00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:37,560 You get some paper. I'll find a brush. Have you got a brush? 723 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,600 Good idea. 724 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,800 HELICOPTER APPROACHES 725 00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,200 Do you know what's wrong with it? 726 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:15,640 Nope. So why are you staring at the engine? 727 00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,600 It's what Dave does. 728 00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:20,640 Does it make any difference? No. 729 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,000 It just stares at it, swears at it, then calls the AA. 730 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:38,400 Hey, hey. 731 00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,960 Oh, this is an adventure, isn't it, eh, boys? 732 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,560 Oh, we're having a right laugh. 733 00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:47,200 Oh, side-splitting (!) 734 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:49,360 I have never been so happy (!) 735 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:52,720 Mind you, I suppose we should be grateful this thing's empty 736 00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:56,400 and not full of pigs or are you saving that for the way home? 737 00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:59,360 Oh, you're not going to light up again, are you? 738 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:03,000 Yes, I am. I'm going to be smoking all the way to Yorkshire. 739 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,200 I've got to fill this thing somehow. 740 00:43:06,240 --> 00:43:07,880 There's hardly any of her in here. 741 00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:09,920 MOBILE RINGS 742 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:12,280 Ooh, eh, excellent. Got a signal again. 743 00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,320 This'll be Cath. 744 00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,840 Hello, sexy. How's it going? I'm very well, thank you, David. 745 00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,000 And thank you for the unexpected compliment. 746 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:22,520 Hello, Marcus. I thought it was Cath. 747 00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:24,560 Oh, it's an easy mistake to make. 748 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,520 So, how is the trip going? 749 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,560 The trip? Oh, yeah. It's going very well. Yeah. No problem at all. 750 00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,280 I'll be there in the morning to meet your brother-in-law. You reckon? 751 00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,320 Excellent. I knew I'd chosen the right man for the job. 752 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,400 Do give my best wishes to Rob. 753 00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:42,040 I assume you bought him crayons and a colouring book for the journey. 754 00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:44,360 (CHUCKLES) What's he saying? 755 00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:46,400 Yeah. He sends his best wishes. 756 00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:48,760 All right, Marcus. I'll see you later. 757 00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:50,800 Yes. Bye. 758 00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,000 Leone... Mm-hm. 759 00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:06,840 I'm really sorry. 760 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,280 It's not your fault we've broken down. 761 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:14,120 No, I mean what's happened with Rob and me. 762 00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:17,760 You know - Look, Jackie, Rob is Rob. 763 00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:21,400 If it wasn't you, it'd be somebody else. 764 00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:24,600 You're not the first. You're probably not even the 21st. 765 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:27,640 I don't know why he does it. 766 00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:32,520 You're really nice and I know he still worries about you. 767 00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:38,080 Does he? Good. 768 00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:40,120 Right. It looks like we're walking. 769 00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:43,240 But what about this thing? We can't just leave it here. 770 00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:46,480 Course we can. We'll get Dave to sort it out later. 771 00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:49,400 We're walking. 772 00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:53,760 What have you got in that thing? Oh, just a few bits and bobs. 773 00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:57,400 Right. Well, let's see if we can find a bus stop. 774 00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:02,240 I can't believe you lot. I mean, why walk when there are cars passing by? 775 00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:04,840 Leave it to me. 776 00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:16,600 There you go! Rock'n'roll. 777 00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:22,840 Are you going anywhere near Leeds? Yeah, I am. 778 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:27,160 So what do you reckon Marcus has given his brother-in-law? 779 00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:29,200 Ooh, I don't know. 780 00:45:29,240 --> 00:45:31,400 Probably something expensive, though. 781 00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,520 Er...what? Crystal glasses or...? 782 00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:36,320 Laptop. Could be money. 783 00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:38,960 That's a bit impersonal, isn't it? 784 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,600 It's like giving someone a book token. 785 00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:42,640 No, I mean, a lot of money. 786 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,480 Like a box full. 787 00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,520 Why would he give him that? 788 00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:49,960 Ooh, maybe this bloke isn't Marcus's brother-in-law at all. 789 00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,440 Maybe this is a payoff for services rendered. 790 00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,480 One of Marcus's dodgy deals. 791 00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:58,920 You really do see the worst in people, don't you, Rob? I do my best. 792 00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:01,840 (INHALES DEEPLY) Ohh! 793 00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:04,160 I wonder where we are? 794 00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,440 Can't see much. 795 00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:08,920 Er...hey... 796 00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:11,920 Some ducks. No, hang on a minute. 797 00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:13,960 No, that's a goose. 798 00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,200 Hey, Rob, it's a swan. 799 00:46:16,240 --> 00:46:19,920 Hey-hey-hey. Beautiful bird, that. 800 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:24,600 Thank you so much for stopping. You've really got us out of a jam. 801 00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:27,760 Well, I'm going to Knaresborough, which is not a million miles away. 802 00:46:30,240 --> 00:46:34,040 I can hardly leave such attractive women standing by the roadside. 803 00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:37,360 (JACKIE GIGGLES COQUETTISHLY) Ta! Erm...this is Grace. 804 00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,240 Thank you so much. Cath. 805 00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:42,280 Jackie and I'm Leone. 806 00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:44,760 Hi. I'm Ben. 807 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,480 (CHUCKLES) 808 00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:49,520 (CONTINUES TO CHUCKLE) 809 00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,000 Maurice, open the lid. 810 00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,400 Come on. There you go. 811 00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:08,080 There you go. Ta. 812 00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:12,080 (GIGGLES) She's putting on weight! 813 00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:14,120 (SNIGGERS) Do you get it? 814 00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:16,280 Putting on weight. It's hysterical. 815 00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:19,200 Eh, good news, lads. There's a station just up the road. 816 00:47:19,240 --> 00:47:21,960 Station means trains. Trains means Intercity. 817 00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:24,240 We'll be in Yorkshire in no time. Great. 818 00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:27,160 She's gonna bring the food over in a minute. Oh, right. 819 00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:30,480 Come on, Elsie, you come and sit near me. 820 00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:35,480 This is the quietest she's been in years. 821 00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:37,680 (SNIGGERS) 822 00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:42,520 (SLURS) Did I tell you she's putting on weight? 823 00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:44,920 Elsie putting on weight! 824 00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:46,600 You all right, Maurice? 825 00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,560 Ye-e-es! What's up with him? 826 00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:53,600 Erm...well, let's just say he's not exactly smoking St Bruno. 827 00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:57,040 Eh? Well, you know those late-flowering geraniums? 828 00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:00,280 Hm. They weren't late-flowering geraniums. 829 00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:04,400 I'm not with you, matey boy. OK. Erm... 830 00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,720 Maurice has gone to pot. 831 00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,840 (SINGS) Puff The Magic Dragon. 832 00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:17,040 I don't believe you. 833 00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:20,120 You wicked bugger! 834 00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:23,760 It's the happiest I've seen him. Right. 835 00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:25,960 Here we are then. Who's the battered cod? 836 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:28,000 BOTH: He is! 837 00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,800 (CHORTLES) I'm the battered cod! 838 00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:35,800 (LAUGHS GUSTILY) 839 00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:40,600 And here's your cutlery. 840 00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:42,800 Thank you very much. 841 00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,720 Oh, dear. 842 00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:49,800 Elsie's got sloshed. 843 00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:53,040 (SNIGGERS) 844 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:03,360 So I'm guessing from your accent that Knaresborough isn't home. 845 00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:05,800 No, I'm from Toronto. Oh, Canada! 846 00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:08,440 Oh, that wonderful scenery. 847 00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:11,800 The Rockies and the pine forests and the lakes. Fantastic. 848 00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:14,560 Sounds like you've been. What? With my husband? 849 00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:16,600 I'm lucky to get to Leeds. 850 00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:19,800 So, what's in Knaresborough? I got family there. 851 00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:22,080 Visiting for the weekend. From Canada? 852 00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:25,040 No. No. I live in the UK now. 853 00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,480 Really? Fancy? 854 00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:29,520 Hello? Dave? 855 00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,800 Dave?! Hiya, it's me! 856 00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:37,520 Sorry, Dave. I can barely hear you. 857 00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:39,160 What? What's that noise? 858 00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:42,600 It's a long story, Cath. I'm afraid we're on foot now. 859 00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:48,360 It's all right cos there's a train station just up the road. 860 00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:51,520 It's...erm...well, it's a bit complicated. Yeah. 861 00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:55,080 Yeah, I'll call you in a bit, love. Bye-bye. 862 00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:01,040 Still looks a bit pasty. Hmm. 863 00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,880 No. I love the cinema. I just prefer to go to the theatre. Me too. 864 00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:16,920 I never get a chance to go. 865 00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:19,960 Rob's idea of the performing arts generally involved 866 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,880 a girl in high heels and a chromium-plated pole. 867 00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:26,560 So, who's Rob? Rob's my husband. 868 00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:29,880 For the time being. Yes. Thank you, Cath. 869 00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:32,800 They've separated. Yes, we've separated. 870 00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:35,440 They're living completely apart. 871 00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:37,480 Yes, all right. 872 00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:40,440 Sorry to hear that. Well, it was one of those things. 873 00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:43,160 He started playing around with another woman. 874 00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:45,200 That'd be me. 875 00:50:45,240 --> 00:50:48,120 That'd be her. 876 00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,840 Oooh-oh. Here we go. 877 00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:59,640 There doesn't seem to be anybody about. We'll pay on the train. 878 00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:01,680 TRAIN TOOTS How's that for timing? 879 00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:11,160 Where's this going? Hogwarts? 880 00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:21,720 Towns mean trains and trains mean Intercity, huh? 881 00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:23,760 Look at it. 882 00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:25,800 The countryside's a blur. 883 00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:29,080 (IMITATES TRAIN WHISTLE) 884 00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:31,120 You all right there, Maurice? 885 00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:36,080 Yeah. I know this may seem daft... 886 00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:39,640 but I've got this really strange feeling I've gone back in time. 887 00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:41,400 Oh, you have, mate. 888 00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:45,320 Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson are in the next compartment. Really? 889 00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:55,240 (CHUCKLES) It's cold in here. 890 00:51:57,480 --> 00:51:59,880 It's not exactly the Orient Express, is it? 891 00:51:59,920 --> 00:52:02,600 Stop moaning, will you? We're nearly at a town. 892 00:52:02,640 --> 00:52:05,840 When we get there, we'll hire a car and we'll be fine. I suppose. 893 00:52:12,240 --> 00:52:15,120 No sign of 'em. I expect they're in the first class. 894 00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:17,160 Yeah, that'll be it. 895 00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:21,640 Course, it might not be money. Eh? 896 00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:24,320 In there. It might be drugs. 897 00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:25,480 (LAUGHS) 898 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:30,000 Oh, you may laugh, mate, but to me it's glaringly obvious. 899 00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:33,240 Yes, Marcus Forster is probably Marcus Escobar. 900 00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:34,760 Drug baron. 901 00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:38,160 And even as we speak, he's sorting out his next shipment from Columbia. 902 00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:40,800 That's it. Why didn't I see it? 903 00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:43,800 He's got us delivering his drugs for him. What we carrying? 904 00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:45,960 Viagra? Paracetamol? 905 00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:49,200 What do you mean "we"? You're the one he asked. You're his mule. 906 00:52:49,240 --> 00:52:50,680 Mule? Yeah, mule. 907 00:52:50,720 --> 00:52:53,200 You know. Some mug employed by a drug dealer 908 00:52:53,240 --> 00:52:55,640 to shove half a ton of cocaine up his jacksy 909 00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:58,640 and smuggle it into the country. You're lucky he gave you a box. 910 00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:03,000 Here, I don't want anything to do with drugs. 911 00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:04,920 (SNIGGERS) 912 00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:06,960 MOBILE RINGS Oh, hang on. 913 00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:11,000 It's Cath. Hiya, love. 914 00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:14,000 Oh, we're on a train at last. 915 00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:16,200 Where are you? Oh, right. 916 00:53:16,240 --> 00:53:18,240 Eh? 917 00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:20,280 Who's Ben? 918 00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:24,200 Leone? What? 919 00:53:24,240 --> 00:53:26,240 Oh, nothing. 920 00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:28,280 Eh? 921 00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:30,880 Where are we, Rob? Erm... 922 00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:32,920 Just coming through Trumpton. 923 00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:34,960 Er...we're not sure. 924 00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,680 Listen, give us a call when you get to the hotel. 925 00:53:37,720 --> 00:53:39,720 Pretty tired really. 926 00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:41,760 Why? 927 00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:43,800 Oh, give it a rest, Cath. 928 00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:46,240 Remember what I said about the lawn mower. 929 00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:47,720 Yeah. 930 00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:49,200 See you later. 931 00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:54,520 You don't want to know. 932 00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,400 Oooh-ooh! Ssh! 933 00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:00,120 Ssssh! 934 00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:01,160 Ssssh! 935 00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:07,640 Oooh-oooh! 936 00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:31,560 Well, he seems nice. Who? 937 00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:33,600 Who? Who do you think? 938 00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:35,160 Oh, yes. 939 00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:38,240 He fancies you. No. He does. 940 00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:41,760 What you going to do about it? Do? I'm not going to do anything. 941 00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:45,440 You may have forgotten but I'm a married woman. 942 00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:48,040 Yes, isn't that your husband's mistress over there? 943 00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,280 Listen, what's sauce for the goose... 944 00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:55,800 Oh, for goodness sake, Grace. I'm just coming out of one relationship. 945 00:54:55,840 --> 00:54:58,080 The last thing I need is to step into another one. 946 00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:00,480 I'm not suggesting you should marry, I'm saying... 947 00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:02,520 don't be negative. Take a chance. 948 00:55:04,720 --> 00:55:07,160 You don't know where these things can lead. 949 00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:09,120 This could be fate. Yes. Well... 950 00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:13,480 it was fate that brought me and Rob together. This could be different. 951 00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:15,680 I mean, look at him. 952 00:55:15,720 --> 00:55:18,720 He's got a lovely smile. Obviously well set up. 953 00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:21,960 I bet he's dynamite in bed. Grace! 954 00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,000 I'll ask him. Will you stop it? 955 00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:44,080 # We're on the road again... 956 00:55:44,120 --> 00:55:46,120 # We're on the road again # 957 00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:48,240 Do you need me to navigate? 958 00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:50,960 Oh, no. It's pretty straightforward from here. 959 00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:54,800 That's what you said last time. Just before you got us all lost. 960 00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,480 Hey... 961 00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:01,000 it was nice of that train driver to give us some ash from his smoke box. 962 00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:04,520 It's the warmest Elsie's been since the cremation. 963 00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:06,840 That's not Elsie, Maurice. You remember. 964 00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:10,280 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 965 00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:13,520 Strange how your mind plays tricks, innit? 966 00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:19,560 Anybody mind if I smoke? No. Yes! 967 00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:21,720 Go on. Have a puff. 968 00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:23,040 Rob! 969 00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:27,120 Thanks for everything, Ben. You've been a godsend. 970 00:56:27,160 --> 00:56:28,560 I'm happy to have helped. 971 00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:31,760 Yeah. Thanks, babe. 972 00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:33,520 Any time. It's nice meeting you. 973 00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:35,800 Hope the rest of the weekend goes OK. 974 00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,600 Ben... 975 00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,280 are you doing anything this evening? This evening? 976 00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:45,560 Yes. Because we're having dinner in the hotel 977 00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:47,760 and we thought you might like to join us. 978 00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:49,800 Just our way of saying thank you. 979 00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:52,360 Grace, I'm sure he's got better things to do. 980 00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:54,320 I'm sure he hasn't. 981 00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:57,280 What do you think? Would you like to join us? Well, yeah. 982 00:56:57,320 --> 00:56:58,400 I'd love to. 983 00:57:05,240 --> 00:57:07,480 At one point, I thought you were going to pick me up 984 00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:11,720 and throw me at him! After a couple of drinks, you'll do that yourself. 985 00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:15,040 She's right, you know, Leone. Men don't react to subtlety at all. 986 00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:18,400 Right. And you'd know all about subtlety, Jackie. Oh, yeah. 987 00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:22,640 And, of course, Grace here knows better than I do. She's been around. 988 00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:25,640 A woman of her age has years of experience. Thank you. 989 00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:29,480 Years and years. Yes, I think we get the picture, thank you, Jackie. 990 00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:32,360 Any news, Cath? 991 00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:35,880 I've spoken to Dave. They've hired a car and will be here in an hour. 992 00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:38,880 Oh, marvellous. We've got time for another drink. 993 00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:01,240 Grace! 994 00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:05,360 I was beginning to get quite worried about you. 995 00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:08,560 I was fine. It was quite an adventure really. 996 00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:11,640 We had some very interesting conversations. 997 00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:13,680 And do you know what surprised me? 998 00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:15,720 Rob. 999 00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:19,720 He was delightful. He never once objected to me smoking my pipe. 1000 00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:24,640 I tell you what, though, I'm really hungry now. 1001 00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:26,040 When's dinner? 1002 00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:29,880 All right, we're eating at eight which gives me... 1003 00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:32,080 an hour and a half to have a quick shower 1004 00:58:32,120 --> 00:58:34,120 and a bit of kip. 1005 00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:36,880 Or something else. Eh? 1006 00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:38,920 Come on, Rob. 1007 00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:41,280 Nice hotel. Big comfy bed. 1008 00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:43,320 Shame to waste it. Yeah. Er... 1009 00:58:43,360 --> 00:58:47,760 listen, Jacks...would you mind if we didn't, only...I'm not in the mood. 1010 00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:49,640 Oh. What's up? 1011 00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:52,800 Nothing. Just don't feel like it. 1012 00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:55,560 Nothing to do with Leone being here, is it? 1013 00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:57,600 Now, what makes you say that? 1014 00:58:57,640 --> 00:58:59,840 No, it's nothing to do with Leone. 1015 00:58:59,880 --> 00:59:01,880 Oh! 1016 00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:06,520 I tell you what, I'm going to have a nice hot bath. Not too hot. 1017 00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:09,480 Remember what the doctor said. No lowering your sperm count. 1018 00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:12,320 I'll have that bugger struck off. And don't be too long. 1019 00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:15,480 We've still got time for a quickie before dinner. Cath! 1020 00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:17,920 Oh, come on! What? 1021 00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:21,080 We've got to keep trying if we're ever going to have this baby. Oh! 1022 00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:23,880 You and your bloody baby! 1023 00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,200 I didn't mean that I just... 1024 00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:32,280 It just came out. 1025 00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:35,760 I thought you wanted this baby as well, Dave. 1026 00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:37,800 I do. 1027 00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:40,440 You know I do. Cos if you don't... 1028 00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:43,560 just say. Don't do this just for my sake. 1029 00:59:43,600 --> 00:59:45,960 I'm not. I'm just... 1030 00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,000 I'm just tired, that's all. 1031 00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:53,640 I know it's been tough on you, love. Don't be daft. 1032 00:59:53,680 --> 00:59:55,680 I'm nagging at you all the time. 1033 00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:57,720 I don't mind. 1034 00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:01,400 I'm sorry. Don't apologise, Cath. 1035 01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:03,680 It's not you, it's me. 1036 01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:09,880 I'm scared, Dave. 1037 01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,480 I'm running out of time, here. 1038 01:00:17,160 --> 01:00:19,160 I can't... 1039 01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:21,440 just do it to order. 1040 01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:23,400 Can we... 1041 01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:25,960 can we make love cos we want to? 1042 01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:32,720 Yeah. Course we can. 1043 01:00:35,280 --> 01:00:37,960 I tell you what, I'll have a quick bath...a cold one... 1044 01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:41,200 You get yourself sorted and by the time I come back, I'll be ready. 1045 01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:43,240 How's that sound? 1046 01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:47,720 I've heard it expressed more romantically. 1047 01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:51,000 I'll settle for that. 1048 01:00:52,480 --> 01:00:55,360 Are you sure? 1049 01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:57,720 Course I am. 1050 01:01:02,560 --> 01:01:04,560 I love you, you know. 1051 01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:06,720 I love you too... 1052 01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:11,000 ..big fella. 1053 01:01:13,200 --> 01:01:15,520 So, what's with the badge, then, Maurice? 1054 01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:17,600 It's one of the conditions of Mum's will. 1055 01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:19,640 There are more tomorrow. 1056 01:01:19,680 --> 01:01:22,360 No problem. Looking forward to it. 1057 01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:24,400 (DAVE PINGS GLASS) 1058 01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:27,240 Ladies and gents, I'd just like to say a few words. 1059 01:01:27,280 --> 01:01:29,800 Sssh-ssh. Dave's going to make a speech. 1060 01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:31,840 Yes. 1061 01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:33,880 Well, all I wanted to say is... 1062 01:01:35,440 --> 01:01:38,400 Sorry I'm late. The traffic's terrible. You must be Ben. 1063 01:01:38,440 --> 01:01:41,640 Pleased to meet you. I'm Dave. This is Maurice. 1064 01:01:42,680 --> 01:01:45,640 Grace's husband. And this is Rob... 1065 01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:48,240 who's very pleased to meet you, I'm sure. 1066 01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:49,600 Please take a seat. 1067 01:01:51,920 --> 01:01:54,040 Hello. Hello, how are you? Glad you made it. 1068 01:01:54,080 --> 01:01:57,360 Sorry. Traffic was terrible. Who's Ben? 1069 01:01:57,400 --> 01:02:00,680 He's the bloke that gave us the lift. Didn't I tell you? No. 1070 01:02:01,680 --> 01:02:04,440 Gorgeous, isn't he? Heartbreaking. What's he doing here? 1071 01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:07,000 Leone invited him. Did she? 1072 01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:12,000 I know we're...er...sorry... 1073 01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:15,040 I know we're all in Yorkshire for a very solemn occasion, 1074 01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:17,080 but it's also a very happy occasion 1075 01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:22,200 because tomorrow is Grace and Maurice's ruby wedding anniversary. 1076 01:02:24,240 --> 01:02:26,880 I know you've probably not had chance to think about it 1077 01:02:26,920 --> 01:02:28,680 with everything that's been going on. 1078 01:02:28,720 --> 01:02:32,640 We all think that moments like this should be properly recognised. No. 1079 01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:35,560 Just a minute, Dave. Please, Grace. Let me finish. 1080 01:02:35,600 --> 01:02:38,600 I also want you to know that this evening's meal is on me. 1081 01:02:40,440 --> 01:02:43,400 And I fully intend for us to push the boat out. 1082 01:02:43,440 --> 01:02:45,600 Oh, no, Dave. Hang on a minute. 1083 01:02:45,640 --> 01:02:48,800 Grace, please. I've had a good year and it's my pleasure. 1084 01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:51,120 Now, ladies and gents, would you join me 1085 01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:53,240 in a toast to Maurice and Grace. 1086 01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:58,520 Happy anniversary. IN UNISON: To Maurice and Grace. 1087 01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:03,320 This is very nice but it's not our anniversary. 1088 01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:07,240 It's in November and it's the 38th not the 40th. 1089 01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:09,880 But we saw the photograph in your album 1090 01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:12,200 of you and Maurice outside the church. 1091 01:03:12,240 --> 01:03:14,240 It was dated 40 years ago tomorrow. 1092 01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:16,880 Oh, that wasn't me. 1093 01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:19,320 That would have been my sister's wedding. 1094 01:03:19,360 --> 01:03:22,360 I was giving her away. Oh. We assumed it was you. 1095 01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:26,960 No, I'm sorry. We've cocked it up, haven't we? 1096 01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:30,800 We were going to surprise you. We've cocked it up. There's a novelty. 1097 01:03:30,840 --> 01:03:32,840 No, it's lovely of you. 1098 01:03:32,880 --> 01:03:36,560 I think we're lucky to have such good friends, don't you, Maurice? 1099 01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:39,280 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. 1100 01:03:39,320 --> 01:03:41,760 You will still be paying for the dinner, Dave? 1101 01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:43,800 (CHUCKLES) Course I am. 1102 01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:58,680 I love Simon and Garfunkel. I went to their concert in Hyde Park. 1103 01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:00,560 So did I. Don't remember seeing you. 1104 01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:03,320 Oh, no. I was right at the back in the standing section. 1105 01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:06,280 Where were you? Well... 1106 01:04:06,320 --> 01:04:09,200 I bet you had front row seats, didn't you? No. No. No. 1107 01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:11,120 I was at least three rows back. 1108 01:04:19,280 --> 01:04:21,880 So, you'll come with us tomorrow morning, Rob? 1109 01:04:23,800 --> 01:04:25,640 Rob? Sorry. What? 1110 01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:28,760 Come with us tomorrow morning. Deliver the parcel. Yeah. 1111 01:04:32,960 --> 01:04:36,960 What's the dress code for tomorrow? I've never scattered ashes before. 1112 01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:39,400 Oh, don't wear your Sunday best, for goodness sake. 1113 01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:42,120 Am I still carrying the urn tomorrow? Oh, yes. 1114 01:04:42,160 --> 01:04:43,720 Right. 1115 01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:47,320 How many more conditions are there, Grace? Not many. 1116 01:04:47,360 --> 01:04:50,440 And in return for doing them I get two very nice clocks. 1117 01:04:52,320 --> 01:04:53,560 Stop it! 1118 01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:57,520 Have you seen all this? Up the end? 1119 01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:02,120 She's doing it deliberately to wind me up. Just ignore it, mate. 1120 01:05:02,160 --> 01:05:05,720 It's nothing. I'm not sitting here watching this. 1121 01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:24,200 Well, here we are. Yep. 1122 01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:28,160 Here we are. I told you I could find it on my own. 1123 01:05:28,200 --> 01:05:31,400 Resourceful girl. I'm really sorry I kept you up so late. 1124 01:05:31,440 --> 01:05:33,680 I completely lost track of time. 1125 01:05:33,720 --> 01:05:36,040 Well, do you hear me complaining? 1126 01:05:36,080 --> 01:05:37,160 No. 1127 01:05:38,720 --> 01:05:41,240 I've had a really nice time tonight, Ben. 1128 01:06:07,680 --> 01:06:10,160 What's this? Are we going somewhere? 1129 01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:12,200 Not "we", babe, just me. 1130 01:06:12,240 --> 01:06:14,560 Oh, what's wrong? Nothing. 1131 01:06:14,600 --> 01:06:17,840 You don't pack a bag in the middle of the night over nothing. 1132 01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:21,160 Is it something I said? Nothing you've said, Rob. 1133 01:06:21,200 --> 01:06:23,400 It's just time for me to go, that's all. 1134 01:06:23,440 --> 01:06:25,840 At one o'clock in the morning? 1135 01:06:25,880 --> 01:06:27,880 Look, Rob... 1136 01:06:28,840 --> 01:06:32,280 ..when we first started this it was just for a laugh. 1137 01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:34,800 Two married people having a bit on the side. 1138 01:06:34,840 --> 01:06:36,840 Well, it's exciting, isn't it? 1139 01:06:36,880 --> 01:06:38,920 Very. So what's changed? 1140 01:06:38,960 --> 01:06:42,200 I met Leone. That's what changed. 1141 01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:44,480 I quite like her. 1142 01:06:44,520 --> 01:06:47,000 Yeah, well, I like her too. 1143 01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:49,040 It's more than that, Rob. 1144 01:06:49,080 --> 01:06:52,520 You should have seen the way you looked at her across the table. 1145 01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:55,560 You couldn't take your eyes off her. That was because 1146 01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:58,560 I was finding it strange watching her flirt with Ben all night. 1147 01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,400 (SIGHS) 1148 01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:03,440 I'm sorry if I cut you out of things. I was probably jealous. 1149 01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:06,520 What I saw was more than jealousy, babe. 1150 01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:08,960 I think you've still got it big time for her. 1151 01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:11,240 Now, Jacks, please don't be silly. 1152 01:07:11,280 --> 01:07:13,040 I know what I saw. 1153 01:07:13,080 --> 01:07:16,440 I know you think I'm dippy, and maybe I am, 1154 01:07:16,480 --> 01:07:18,600 but I'm not stupid. 1155 01:07:18,640 --> 01:07:20,640 Better if I just get out the way. 1156 01:07:20,680 --> 01:07:22,800 Look, I've got to run. 1157 01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:24,840 I've got a taxi coming. 1158 01:07:24,880 --> 01:07:26,760 The train's at two. 1159 01:07:29,040 --> 01:07:30,040 Jacks... 1160 01:07:30,080 --> 01:07:31,280 please. 1161 01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:33,800 Thanks for everything, sweetheart. 1162 01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:37,480 Take care. 1163 01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:44,640 The thing is, when you boil it all down... 1164 01:07:46,560 --> 01:07:49,000 ..we're just a tiny speck in the universe. 1165 01:07:49,040 --> 01:07:53,440 A 60-watt bulb in the star-spangled cosmos. 1166 01:07:53,480 --> 01:07:56,560 A crumb on the tablecloth of life. 1167 01:07:58,120 --> 01:08:00,120 It's a very humbling experience. 1168 01:08:00,160 --> 01:08:01,440 Don't you think so? 1169 01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:03,480 Yes, of course you do. 1170 01:08:03,520 --> 01:08:06,720 You're even lower down the evolutionary scale than I am. 1171 01:08:06,760 --> 01:08:09,360 No, I wouldn't have said so. 1172 01:08:09,400 --> 01:08:14,560 Don't get me wrong, old chap, I wasn't being offensive. Maurice! Yes? 1173 01:08:14,600 --> 01:08:16,600 Behind you. 1174 01:08:16,640 --> 01:08:19,200 Oh, hello, Grace. What are you playing at? 1175 01:08:19,240 --> 01:08:23,760 I was just finishing a pipe and having a bit of a chat with Archie. 1176 01:08:25,120 --> 01:08:28,360 Has he got much to say for himself? No, not really. 1177 01:08:41,240 --> 01:08:45,120 Oh, hello. You off somewhere? Yeah. Home. 1178 01:08:45,160 --> 01:08:47,640 At this time of night? Why? 1179 01:08:47,680 --> 01:08:51,280 I think we both know the answer to that one, eh? You were at dinner. 1180 01:08:51,320 --> 01:08:53,880 Yes. Well... 1181 01:08:53,920 --> 01:08:57,880 I wish you luck, Jackie. Oh, thanks. 1182 01:08:57,920 --> 01:08:59,920 It's been nice meeting you, Grace. 1183 01:08:59,960 --> 01:09:01,920 And you too, Maurice. Yeah. Cheerio. 1184 01:09:01,960 --> 01:09:05,000 Hope it all goes OK for you tomorrow. 1185 01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:07,280 Oh, thank you. Safe journey. 1186 01:09:07,320 --> 01:09:08,920 Ta. 1187 01:09:09,920 --> 01:09:12,520 Hm. Someone's smoking dope. 1188 01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:14,800 Dope? 1189 01:09:14,840 --> 01:09:18,360 You know, dope. Grass. The old wacky baccy. 1190 01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:21,000 Well, you must be able to smell it. 1191 01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:26,320 Oh, well...better go. 1192 01:09:26,360 --> 01:09:28,360 Ta-ra, then. 1193 01:09:28,400 --> 01:09:30,880 Bye-bye. Bye. 1194 01:09:38,560 --> 01:09:41,400 I think we'd better get you to bed, Maurice. 1195 01:09:41,440 --> 01:09:44,720 I'll just finish this. I think you've had enough. Really? 1196 01:09:44,760 --> 01:09:46,760 Well, I'll be up in a minute. 1197 01:09:48,440 --> 01:09:50,440 Be sure you are. 1198 01:09:52,640 --> 01:09:54,640 Dear, dear, dear. 1199 01:09:54,680 --> 01:09:58,760 There's women for you, Archie. They're a breed apart. 1200 01:10:13,360 --> 01:10:15,360 All right. Morning. 1201 01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:17,400 So...erm...no Ben? 1202 01:10:20,560 --> 01:10:23,040 No. No Jackie? 1203 01:10:23,080 --> 01:10:25,800 No, she had to get back. A family crisis. Really? 1204 01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:27,760 That's not what I heard from Grace. 1205 01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:29,800 Oh. Right. 1206 01:10:29,840 --> 01:10:31,640 So you know. 1207 01:10:31,680 --> 01:10:33,280 Fine. 1208 01:10:33,320 --> 01:10:35,240 Well, so what? These things happen. 1209 01:10:35,280 --> 01:10:36,920 Yeah, they do. 1210 01:10:36,960 --> 01:10:39,360 So, your Mountie didn't fancy sticking around 1211 01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:41,520 for the scattering of the ashes, then? 1212 01:10:42,880 --> 01:10:45,360 No. Well, it's nothing to do with him, is it? 1213 01:10:45,400 --> 01:10:46,960 He's not one of our friends. 1214 01:10:47,000 --> 01:10:51,000 He seemed pretty friendly with you during dinner and AFTER dinner. 1215 01:10:51,040 --> 01:10:55,000 What's that supposed to mean? I'm surprised he didn't stick around. 1216 01:10:55,040 --> 01:10:57,480 Had his quickie and then went home, eh? Shut up! 1217 01:10:57,520 --> 01:11:00,920 I never thought you'd be the sort to go in for a one night stand. 1218 01:11:00,960 --> 01:11:03,200 Well, who says it was a "one night stand"? 1219 01:11:03,240 --> 01:11:06,400 Oh, you're seeing him again. That's nice. I've got his number. 1220 01:11:06,440 --> 01:11:09,880 Oh. Honestly. I'm happy for you. Will you just grow up?! 1221 01:11:09,920 --> 01:11:13,200 There wasn't any one night stand. You just said there was. 1222 01:11:13,240 --> 01:11:15,280 No. YOU just said there was. 1223 01:11:15,320 --> 01:11:19,280 You're quick to make assumptions and you assume people behave like you. 1224 01:11:19,320 --> 01:11:21,920 They don't. Don't play Little Miss Innocent with me. 1225 01:11:21,960 --> 01:11:26,480 I saw him go into your room! Yeah. To write his number down, Rob. 1226 01:11:26,520 --> 01:11:28,800 That is all. Then he went home. 1227 01:11:28,840 --> 01:11:30,720 Oh. 1228 01:11:30,760 --> 01:11:32,760 Oh, yeah. Exactly. 1229 01:11:34,720 --> 01:11:36,880 Hiya. 1230 01:11:42,440 --> 01:11:44,440 MOBILE RINGS 1231 01:11:46,320 --> 01:11:47,440 Oh. Hello. 1232 01:11:47,480 --> 01:11:50,440 Good morning. Marcus here. Hello, Marcus. How are you? 1233 01:11:50,480 --> 01:11:52,400 Fine. Thank you. I trust all is well. 1234 01:11:52,440 --> 01:11:55,040 Oh. Perfect. All going to plan. 1235 01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:57,600 I've got your package. Delighted to hear it. 1236 01:11:57,640 --> 01:12:01,120 As luck would have it, my wife's ghastly family left late last night 1237 01:12:01,160 --> 01:12:03,880 in high dudgeon. I can't imagine what upset them. 1238 01:12:03,920 --> 01:12:06,640 I'm now in a position to present the gift myself. 1239 01:12:06,680 --> 01:12:09,440 Even as we speak, I'm heading up to Leeds to join you. 1240 01:12:09,480 --> 01:12:12,160 Oh, right. I've spoken with my brother-in-law 1241 01:12:12,200 --> 01:12:15,320 and we've moved the meeting to 11. Is that all right? 1242 01:12:15,360 --> 01:12:17,160 Absolutely fine. Yeah. 1243 01:12:17,200 --> 01:12:19,200 Right. Well, I'll see you then. 1244 01:12:19,240 --> 01:12:21,240 Bye. 1245 01:12:23,920 --> 01:12:26,400 Well, Grace, big day, eh? 1246 01:12:27,400 --> 01:12:30,000 Yes. Are you going to be all right? 1247 01:12:31,560 --> 01:12:33,560 Oh, I think so. 1248 01:12:37,600 --> 01:12:39,720 I'm sorry about your mum. I really am. 1249 01:12:39,760 --> 01:12:43,160 Don't be silly. I know you never liked her. 1250 01:12:43,200 --> 01:12:46,360 I know but that's not the issue, is it? 1251 01:12:46,400 --> 01:12:48,400 It's about how you feel. 1252 01:12:48,440 --> 01:12:51,040 Losing a parent even at our age... well... 1253 01:12:51,080 --> 01:12:53,080 it's not easy, is it? No. 1254 01:12:55,320 --> 01:12:58,000 You're going to miss her a lot. It's sad. 1255 01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:00,040 Yes, it is. 1256 01:13:01,520 --> 01:13:03,720 So, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 1257 01:13:06,440 --> 01:13:08,440 Thank you. 1258 01:13:10,600 --> 01:13:13,200 Tell me, how long does probate normally take? 1259 01:13:14,960 --> 01:13:18,080 Actually, perhaps now would be a good time 1260 01:13:18,120 --> 01:13:20,520 to tell you about Mum's other conditions. 1261 01:13:20,560 --> 01:13:22,560 Right. 1262 01:13:40,120 --> 01:13:42,200 This is a bit cloak and dagger, innit? 1263 01:13:42,240 --> 01:13:44,640 It's just somewhere to meet. Easy to find. 1264 01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:48,600 Dave, you hand over a birthday present in a hotel room 1265 01:13:48,640 --> 01:13:51,040 or a coffee bar or in someone's front room. 1266 01:13:51,080 --> 01:13:54,480 You don't go skulking around a deserted car park. Give over. 1267 01:13:57,640 --> 01:13:59,720 Hey, do you reckon that's him? 1268 01:13:59,760 --> 01:14:02,040 The brother-in-law. 1269 01:14:02,080 --> 01:14:03,960 Dunno. Probably. 1270 01:14:04,000 --> 01:14:06,320 You've got to admit this is all a bit iffy. 1271 01:14:06,360 --> 01:14:08,360 (SIGHS) 1272 01:14:27,440 --> 01:14:29,640 Good morning, Warren. Good to see you. 1273 01:14:29,680 --> 01:14:33,080 Good morning, David. Oh, you've brought your little friend. 1274 01:14:33,120 --> 01:14:36,440 Good morning, Rob. Hi, Marcus. 1275 01:14:36,480 --> 01:14:39,520 Let me introduce you. Warren, this is David and Rob. 1276 01:14:39,560 --> 01:14:42,000 Pleased to meet you. Oh, here you are. 1277 01:14:42,040 --> 01:14:44,680 Safe and sound. Excellent. Thank you so very much. 1278 01:14:44,720 --> 01:14:47,040 Warren, this is for you. Thanks, Marcus. 1279 01:14:47,080 --> 01:14:49,720 Very kind. 1280 01:14:51,960 --> 01:14:54,680 I don't think we need to detain you any longer, David. 1281 01:14:54,720 --> 01:14:57,840 I know you've got things to do. Nothing that won't keep. 1282 01:14:57,880 --> 01:15:00,000 Go on, Warren. Let's see what he's got you. 1283 01:15:01,040 --> 01:15:03,040 All right. 1284 01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:17,080 There we are, you see. It's a briefcase. 1285 01:15:17,120 --> 01:15:20,280 Yeah, but what's inside? Care to share, Marcus? 1286 01:15:20,320 --> 01:15:22,200 What? And spoil the surprise? 1287 01:15:22,240 --> 01:15:25,960 What is it? Money? Yeah, I bet it is. One of your little backhanders. 1288 01:15:26,000 --> 01:15:30,280 Enough, Rob. It's nice to meet you, Warren. We'll say our goodbyes. 1289 01:15:30,320 --> 01:15:33,160 No. No. No. I want to see what's inside. You can't. 1290 01:15:33,200 --> 01:15:36,720 You're making a fool of yourself. Am I? There's one way to find out. 1291 01:15:36,760 --> 01:15:38,280 Rob! No! Rob! 1292 01:15:38,320 --> 01:15:41,280 Let go. Let go! 1293 01:15:41,920 --> 01:15:43,760 Get off! 1294 01:15:51,440 --> 01:15:52,920 Ah. 1295 01:16:13,720 --> 01:16:17,800 That camera cost more than £4,000. 1296 01:16:17,840 --> 01:16:20,640 I don't quite know what to say, Marcus. 1297 01:16:20,680 --> 01:16:25,120 I can only apologise, Warren. There must be summat I can do. 1298 01:16:25,160 --> 01:16:27,280 You've done more than enough. 1299 01:16:27,320 --> 01:16:29,560 It would be best if you just left. 1300 01:16:29,600 --> 01:16:32,560 Yeah, but I - NOW! Please. 1301 01:16:40,280 --> 01:16:43,280 Three quarters of my work is tied up with him and you ballsed it up. 1302 01:16:43,320 --> 01:16:46,440 You chucked it over the side. You let go! You TOLD me to! 1303 01:16:46,480 --> 01:16:48,480 (SIGHS) 1304 01:16:51,000 --> 01:16:53,120 I am so very sorry about that, Warren. 1305 01:16:53,160 --> 01:16:56,080 One would have thought that even a cretin like David 1306 01:16:56,120 --> 01:16:59,800 could have managed such a simple task but even this was beyond him. 1307 01:16:59,840 --> 01:17:01,840 Ah, well, no matter. 1308 01:17:01,880 --> 01:17:04,240 We'll have to think of some other way of thanking you 1309 01:17:04,280 --> 01:17:08,480 for pushing through our planning application. 1310 01:17:09,960 --> 01:17:11,960 David. 1311 01:17:12,760 --> 01:17:16,840 I came back to offer to buy Warren a new camera but Rob was right. 1312 01:17:16,880 --> 01:17:19,080 You made such a fool out of me. 1313 01:17:19,120 --> 01:17:23,040 Oh, spare me the anguish, please, David. It's called business. 1314 01:17:23,080 --> 01:17:25,080 It's called fraud, actually. 1315 01:17:25,120 --> 01:17:28,880 I bet the council will be interested to know what you've been up to. 1316 01:17:28,920 --> 01:17:32,720 I see. You do realise that any move in that direction 1317 01:17:32,760 --> 01:17:35,440 would mean the end of our working relationship 1318 01:17:35,480 --> 01:17:40,360 and that would mean a substantial hole in your business, would it not? 1319 01:17:41,360 --> 01:17:43,480 Yeah. Yeah, you're right. 1320 01:17:44,920 --> 01:17:47,520 Maybe I should stop and think about it. 1321 01:17:49,120 --> 01:17:51,440 I've thought about it. Shove it. 1322 01:18:00,720 --> 01:18:03,520 Do hurry up, Maurice, you're going to make us late. 1323 01:18:03,560 --> 01:18:05,640 I'm not sure I want to come along now. 1324 01:18:05,680 --> 01:18:08,080 Oh, well that's your choice, dear. 1325 01:18:08,120 --> 01:18:11,840 I'll just phone Patrick and tell him he can have the clocks, shall I? 1326 01:18:11,880 --> 01:18:13,880 Grace. Grace! 1327 01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:16,440 GRACE! 1328 01:18:16,480 --> 01:18:18,480 HORN 1329 01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:35,040 Hey, Rob, not a word to Cath about what just happened. 1330 01:18:35,080 --> 01:18:36,760 I'll break it to her in my own time. 1331 01:18:36,800 --> 01:18:38,800 Come along, dear. 1332 01:18:40,600 --> 01:18:43,200 Oh, have a look at this! 1333 01:18:43,240 --> 01:18:47,200 Very nice, Maurice. Very nice. 1334 01:18:47,240 --> 01:18:49,640 I think it's very brave to choose this weekend, 1335 01:18:49,680 --> 01:18:52,480 with all of us here, to come out as a cross-dresser. 1336 01:18:52,520 --> 01:18:54,320 Here we go. 1337 01:18:54,360 --> 01:18:56,720 Let's have it. Let's get it over and done with. 1338 01:18:56,760 --> 01:18:59,160 Oh, no, no, mate. I'm gonna make this last. 1339 01:18:59,200 --> 01:19:01,840 (CHUCKLES) I wish I had a camera. 1340 01:19:01,880 --> 01:19:04,200 Sorry, Dave. What's going on? 1341 01:19:04,240 --> 01:19:07,480 Try not to draw attention to it. 1342 01:19:07,520 --> 01:19:10,480 He's feeling a bit conspicuous. Draw attention to it. 1343 01:19:10,520 --> 01:19:12,200 He looks like Hyacinth Bucket. 1344 01:19:12,240 --> 01:19:15,240 It's just another thing Elsie wanted. God bless her. 1345 01:19:15,280 --> 01:19:17,920 What? And he has to dress up in all that lot? 1346 01:19:17,960 --> 01:19:21,480 Until the ashes are scattered. Any time anyone says, "Elsie." 1347 01:19:21,520 --> 01:19:23,880 God bless her. He has to say that. 1348 01:19:23,920 --> 01:19:26,520 (CHUCKLES) So, if I say, "Elsie", 1349 01:19:26,560 --> 01:19:29,400 God bless her. Or Dave says, "Elsie", "Elsie." 1350 01:19:29,440 --> 01:19:32,960 God bless her. Or even if you say, "Elsie", God bless her 1351 01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:37,600 he has to say, "God bless her." Yes, but let's not overdo it, Rob. 1352 01:19:37,640 --> 01:19:40,720 I'll try but I can't promise, Grace. This is too much fun. 1353 01:19:40,760 --> 01:19:43,480 Come on. Let's get loaded up. In you get, girls. 1354 01:19:43,520 --> 01:19:45,920 He's talking to you, gorgeous. Pack it in. 1355 01:20:15,360 --> 01:20:17,000 OK. So where now? 1356 01:20:17,040 --> 01:20:20,640 The top of the moors. About three miles or so that way. 1357 01:20:20,680 --> 01:20:25,480 Three MILES? I'm not walking three miles. I get tired driving that far. 1358 01:20:25,520 --> 01:20:28,640 You can always stay in the van if you're not up to it, Rob. 1359 01:20:28,680 --> 01:20:32,080 Why can't we scatter the old girl here. What difference does it make? 1360 01:20:32,120 --> 01:20:35,800 Mum was specific. It has to be the top of the moors. Does it matter? 1361 01:20:35,840 --> 01:20:37,680 I mean it's not as if it's her in the urn. 1362 01:20:39,840 --> 01:20:41,480 What? What? 1363 01:20:41,520 --> 01:20:43,680 What do you mean she's not in the urn? 1364 01:20:43,720 --> 01:20:47,360 Oh, no, she's in the urn. Of course she's in the urn. 1365 01:20:47,400 --> 01:20:52,280 What I mean is, it's not the actual person in the urn. 1366 01:20:52,320 --> 01:20:56,480 You know? That warm, lovable human being we all knew and loved. 1367 01:20:56,520 --> 01:20:57,760 Elsie. 1368 01:20:57,800 --> 01:20:59,800 God bless her. Yes. Thank you, miss. 1369 01:20:59,840 --> 01:21:01,560 I mean, it's just her remains. 1370 01:21:01,600 --> 01:21:05,040 Oh, I see. So my point is... 1371 01:21:05,080 --> 01:21:07,200 Is what Rob? 1372 01:21:07,240 --> 01:21:09,240 My point is... 1373 01:21:09,280 --> 01:21:12,560 that since she has been reduced to a pile of ash, 1374 01:21:12,600 --> 01:21:15,920 what difference would it make if we just scattered her here? 1375 01:21:15,960 --> 01:21:19,640 Well, you seem to forget her spirit, Rob. 1376 01:21:19,680 --> 01:21:23,960 You see, I firmly believe that she's up there right now 1377 01:21:24,000 --> 01:21:25,720 looking down on us. 1378 01:21:25,760 --> 01:21:28,360 Shall we crack on? 1379 01:21:28,400 --> 01:21:30,000 Come on then, Doris. 1380 01:21:30,040 --> 01:21:31,840 Oh, sorry. Maurice. 1381 01:21:31,880 --> 01:21:33,880 Lead on. 1382 01:21:35,360 --> 01:21:37,640 Nifty bit of footwork there, matey boy. 1383 01:21:37,680 --> 01:21:39,680 Thank you. 1384 01:21:45,040 --> 01:21:47,040 Come on, dear. 1385 01:21:49,280 --> 01:21:52,240 They're supposed to be frail pensioners, look at 'em go! 1386 01:21:52,280 --> 01:21:55,240 Haven't they heard of osteoporosis? Have you heard these two? 1387 01:21:55,280 --> 01:21:57,160 I know. It's pathetic. 1388 01:21:57,200 --> 01:22:00,160 Keep going. Think of the nice lunch we'll have when we get back. 1389 01:22:00,200 --> 01:22:02,200 IF we get back. 1390 01:22:26,800 --> 01:22:28,800 Leone. 1391 01:22:28,840 --> 01:22:30,840 Can I say something? What? 1392 01:22:30,880 --> 01:22:33,560 I'm very sorry for what I said earlier about you and Ben. 1393 01:22:33,600 --> 01:22:36,360 I was out of order. Yeah, you were. 1394 01:22:36,400 --> 01:22:39,720 It was just seeing you and him together like that at dinner. 1395 01:22:39,760 --> 01:22:43,080 It freaked me out. It's just jealousy, Rob, that's all. 1396 01:22:44,080 --> 01:22:46,720 Jackie thought there was more to it than that. Did she? 1397 01:22:46,760 --> 01:22:50,280 She thought you and I had unfinished business. Good old Jackie. 1398 01:22:50,320 --> 01:22:54,040 First she's a mistress, now she's a marriage guidance counsellor. 1399 01:22:54,080 --> 01:22:56,080 Come on, Lone. 1400 01:22:56,120 --> 01:22:59,080 She went home because she didn't want to be in the way. Of what? 1401 01:22:59,120 --> 01:23:02,000 Of us. There isn't an "us" any more, Rob. 1402 01:23:02,040 --> 01:23:05,040 You were pretty quick to tell her we were still married. 1403 01:23:05,080 --> 01:23:07,880 Only technically. It's just a bit of paper. Look... 1404 01:23:07,920 --> 01:23:10,800 we vowed to be together for better or worse. 1405 01:23:10,840 --> 01:23:14,320 There was also the little matter of "forsaking all others". 1406 01:23:14,360 --> 01:23:17,240 Yeah. Well...maybe I should have done more forsaking 1407 01:23:17,280 --> 01:23:20,400 but, like I said, we are still married. 1408 01:23:20,440 --> 01:23:23,240 And like I said Rob, only technically. 1409 01:23:28,120 --> 01:23:32,160 Here, don't expect too much tonight, Cath, I'm knackered. 1410 01:23:32,200 --> 01:23:35,400 It's all right, love, you're excused duty for a few days. 1411 01:23:35,440 --> 01:23:38,560 That's a shame. I was just beginning to get the hang of it. 1412 01:23:38,600 --> 01:23:40,600 (GIGGLES) 1413 01:24:05,760 --> 01:24:08,760 Oh! Look at this view, Maurice! 1414 01:24:09,760 --> 01:24:11,760 It's perfect. 1415 01:24:12,360 --> 01:24:14,000 BAG CLANKS 1416 01:24:14,040 --> 01:24:17,080 Yes, just pop it down there. Then we can get set up. 1417 01:24:18,080 --> 01:24:20,040 Set up? 1418 01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:24,600 Look, I know I've been an idiot. 1419 01:24:25,880 --> 01:24:28,520 I know I've treated you badly and I'm sorry. 1420 01:24:28,560 --> 01:24:30,560 I really am. 1421 01:24:30,600 --> 01:24:32,040 OK. 1422 01:24:33,040 --> 01:24:34,240 And I want to come home. 1423 01:24:34,280 --> 01:24:37,480 Oh, Rob, it's - No, please. Hear me out. 1424 01:24:37,520 --> 01:24:41,040 It's taken me being away from you to realise how much I miss you. 1425 01:24:41,080 --> 01:24:43,800 I miss being with you. I miss being with the kids. 1426 01:24:43,840 --> 01:24:45,280 I miss everything we had. 1427 01:24:47,760 --> 01:24:49,760 I can't, Rob. 1428 01:24:49,800 --> 01:24:52,040 I can't go through all that again. 1429 01:24:52,080 --> 01:24:54,000 You broke my heart. 1430 01:24:54,040 --> 01:24:57,240 I know. You made me feel stupid. 1431 01:24:57,280 --> 01:25:00,640 I won't be humiliated like that. I can't put myself through it. 1432 01:25:00,680 --> 01:25:03,360 And you won't have to. 1433 01:25:03,400 --> 01:25:05,400 Look... 1434 01:25:05,440 --> 01:25:07,440 let me come home and I promise - 1435 01:25:07,480 --> 01:25:10,080 No, don't promise, Rob! All right. All right. 1436 01:25:10,120 --> 01:25:12,480 No promises. 1437 01:25:13,480 --> 01:25:16,800 Take me back and I will try. 1438 01:25:16,840 --> 01:25:18,680 I really will try... 1439 01:25:18,720 --> 01:25:20,880 to do better. 1440 01:25:24,480 --> 01:25:26,480 Please. 1441 01:25:33,840 --> 01:25:36,320 Come on. We're keeping the others waiting. 1442 01:25:46,400 --> 01:25:47,640 (LAUGHS) 1443 01:25:49,760 --> 01:25:51,760 What's all this about? 1444 01:25:51,800 --> 01:25:55,000 All in good time. What's Miss Marple up to now? 1445 01:25:55,040 --> 01:25:56,040 (CHUCKLES) 1446 01:25:56,080 --> 01:25:59,160 Now, if you'd all like to form a semicircle around here. 1447 01:26:02,480 --> 01:26:04,480 Right. Shall we start? 1448 01:26:06,240 --> 01:26:10,360 I'd just like to say a few words about my Mum, Elsie. 1449 01:26:10,400 --> 01:26:12,400 God bless her. 1450 01:26:12,440 --> 01:26:14,280 Elsie... God bless her. 1451 01:26:14,320 --> 01:26:16,280 was a remarkable person. 1452 01:26:16,320 --> 01:26:19,040 She was optimistic and positive. 1453 01:26:19,080 --> 01:26:22,440 She always gave me and my sister great encouragement. 1454 01:26:22,480 --> 01:26:28,000 She was a very generous person who gave regularly to good causes. 1455 01:26:28,040 --> 01:26:30,760 Some people thought she was a little eccentric. 1456 01:26:30,800 --> 01:26:32,800 (SNIGGERS) 1457 01:26:32,840 --> 01:26:37,400 But those of us who knew her realised she was just a quirky soul 1458 01:26:37,440 --> 01:26:39,840 with a great sense of fun. 1459 01:26:39,880 --> 01:26:45,200 Mum loved Yorkshire and wanted this beautiful spot 1460 01:26:45,240 --> 01:26:47,800 to be her final resting place. 1461 01:26:51,080 --> 01:26:54,760 Now, I hope you'll all enjoy one of Mum's favourite songs. 1462 01:26:59,160 --> 01:27:02,280 # Doe, a deer, a female deer 1463 01:27:02,320 --> 01:27:05,120 # Ray, a drop of golden sun 1464 01:27:05,160 --> 01:27:07,160 She loved the Sound of Music. 1465 01:27:07,200 --> 01:27:10,800 # Me, a name I call myself 1466 01:27:10,840 --> 01:27:13,920 # Far, a long, long way to run 1467 01:27:13,960 --> 01:27:17,960 # Sew, a needle pulling thread 1468 01:27:18,000 --> 01:27:21,480 # La, a note to follow sew 1469 01:27:21,520 --> 01:27:24,760 # Tea, a drink with jam and bread 1470 01:27:24,800 --> 01:27:27,880 # That will bring us back to doe 1471 01:27:29,000 --> 01:27:32,520 # A deer, a female deer Hello, we're going round again. 1472 01:27:32,560 --> 01:27:35,440 # Ray, a drop of golden sun 1473 01:27:35,480 --> 01:27:38,440 # Me, a name I call myself 1474 01:27:38,880 --> 01:27:42,480 # Far, a long, long way to run 1475 01:27:42,520 --> 01:27:46,320 # Sew, a needle pulling thread 1476 01:27:46,360 --> 01:27:49,320 # La, a note to follow sew 1477 01:27:50,200 --> 01:27:53,160 # Tea, a drink with jam and bread 1478 01:27:53,200 --> 01:27:56,160 # That will bring us back to doe! 1479 01:27:56,200 --> 01:27:59,040 # A deer, a female deer # 1480 01:27:59,080 --> 01:28:02,200 Yes, that's enough, Maurice. Thanks. Oh, sorry. 1481 01:28:02,240 --> 01:28:04,960 I couldn't seem to find a way of stopping. OK. 1482 01:28:05,960 --> 01:28:07,960 Are we ready? 1483 01:28:08,000 --> 01:28:10,000 Just say the word. 1484 01:28:10,760 --> 01:28:12,960 Goodbye, Mum. God bless. 1485 01:28:22,960 --> 01:28:24,520 Bye, Elsie. Bye-bye, Elsie. 1486 01:28:24,560 --> 01:28:26,720 SHOTGUN CLICKS, GUNSHOT 1487 01:28:27,880 --> 01:28:29,680 Bloody hell! 1488 01:28:30,360 --> 01:28:32,360 Well, I said she was quirky. 1489 01:28:33,400 --> 01:28:35,320 Oh! 1490 01:28:38,480 --> 01:28:39,520 (COUGHS) 1491 01:28:44,080 --> 01:28:46,760 Cigarette ends? 1492 01:28:46,800 --> 01:28:50,080 Well, it was probably in her pocket when she was cremated. 1493 01:28:53,240 --> 01:28:56,440 No, the shotgun was all Mum's idea. 1494 01:28:56,480 --> 01:28:58,760 She said she wanted to go out with a bang. 1495 01:28:58,800 --> 01:29:01,480 Where'd you get it from? It was my Dad's. 1496 01:29:01,520 --> 01:29:03,520 It's been in the loft for years. 1497 01:29:03,560 --> 01:29:05,680 Really? If I'd have known it was there, 1498 01:29:05,720 --> 01:29:08,200 I could have seen the old girl off years ago. 1499 01:29:09,800 --> 01:29:11,800 Where's Rob and Leone? 1500 01:29:11,840 --> 01:29:13,840 Here they come. 1501 01:29:15,000 --> 01:29:17,760 You all right, Robbie? Perfect, thank you, matey boy. 1502 01:29:17,800 --> 01:29:20,240 Good. 1503 01:29:20,280 --> 01:29:23,360 Grace, do you think I could take some of this stuff off now? 1504 01:29:23,400 --> 01:29:26,560 I think I've humiliated myself enough, don't you? Yes, love. 1505 01:29:26,600 --> 01:29:29,560 You've been very good. I tell you what, I could murder a drink. 1506 01:29:29,600 --> 01:29:32,800 So could I. Oh, yeah. That's right. 1507 01:29:32,840 --> 01:29:36,760 Go on off without me. Don't worry about me. Do you want a hand? 1508 01:29:36,800 --> 01:29:38,800 It's all right. 1509 01:29:38,840 --> 01:29:41,760 So, are you two getting together again, then? 1510 01:29:46,040 --> 01:29:48,240 Thought we might, yeah. 1511 01:29:48,280 --> 01:29:52,600 Is that a good idea, Leone? It's not too late to change your mind. 1512 01:29:52,640 --> 01:29:56,000 Actually, Maurice, we think you should know the whole story. 1513 01:29:56,040 --> 01:29:59,320 Me and Leone are thinking of renewing our marriage vows. 1514 01:29:59,360 --> 01:30:02,320 What? Really? Yeah. 1515 01:30:02,360 --> 01:30:06,440 And we would be honoured if you would consent to be our bridesmaid. 1516 01:30:07,360 --> 01:30:09,360 Bloody hell! 1517 01:30:09,400 --> 01:30:11,400 Here we go again! 1518 01:30:11,440 --> 01:30:14,240 Eh, I bet your mum must be laughing her socks off 1519 01:30:14,280 --> 01:30:16,960 at what poor Maurice has had to do this weekend. 1520 01:30:17,000 --> 01:30:18,880 Oh, I do hope so. 1521 01:30:18,920 --> 01:30:22,160 When did she come up with all those daft things? SHE didn't. 1522 01:30:22,200 --> 01:30:24,800 I did. He's going be furious when he finds out. 1523 01:30:25,960 --> 01:30:28,120 And even more furious when he finds out 1524 01:30:28,160 --> 01:30:30,160 his precious clocks are worthless! 1525 01:30:36,200 --> 01:30:38,200 subtitles by Deluxe