1 00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:48,276 The late night streets of Britain, 2 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:53,075 now so full of drugs not even the dealers know them all. 3 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,874 - (Dealer) What do you want? - Have you got any triple sod? 4 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,275 - Any? - Triple sod. 5 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,276 - Triple sod? - What's that? 6 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:04,153 - Yellow bentines? - I don't know what that is. 7 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,668 - No yellow bentines? - What's that? 8 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,792 I want something that makes you go really bluety. 9 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:13,799 - The only thing we sell is coke. - No, you must have some... 10 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,071 Are you telling me what I have and don't have? 11 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,998 - Are you a bozz bozz? - What's bozz bozz mean? 12 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,793 I don't want to end up like a piano dentist. 13 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,831 If you don't want it, don't buy it. 14 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:28,077 I don't want my arms to feel like a fortnight in a bad balloon. 15 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,190 - Look, brother... - Know what I mean? 16 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,708 I'm not bothered what your arms feel like. 17 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:36,435 I'm not interested in giving you £40 to end up on a quack candle. 18 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:38,391 What's a quack candle? 19 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,876 I'll tell you what, I'll you £30 for one clarky cat. 20 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,718 - What's a clarky cam? - Cat, a clarky cat. 21 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,751 I don't know what you mean. 22 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,360 Are you saying you've got no clarky cat? 23 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:53,075 For the tenth time, I don't know what clarky cam means. 24 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,190 - No, cat. Clarky cat. - What? 25 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,834 - The stuff you chew. - I don't know it. 26 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,235 - The grass stuff. - I do not know it. 27 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:03,113 - Clarky cat or triple sod? - Leave us alone. 28 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,031 (Chatter, light music) 29 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,831 I'm at a modern drugs party. 30 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:43,873 They're taking charlie, he's got spliff smoke coming out of him, 31 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,434 there's someone there smoking a crack. 32 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:50,075 This isn't the exception any more, it's how people live today. 33 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:53,032 - Do you want smack? - No, I don't use the horse. 34 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:57,676 From debs to plebs, this decade is not so much the "nien-ties" 35 00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,676 as the "ja, danke-ties". 36 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,596 The headlines say it all... 37 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:23,231 Even leaders show the strain, 38 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:27,956 often drugging themselves senseless in public as a cry for help. 39 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,150 So, what's the truth about drugs? 40 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,191 Time to shatter a few myths. 41 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,837 The effects of a heroin overdose are lethal. 42 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,752 Yes, in the short term 43 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,110 but there's been no research into the long-term effects. 44 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,316 Drugs destroy families. 45 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,636 Well, a disabled lonely teenager, a blind mother 46 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:55,434 but a family held together by the father's crack dealing 47 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:59,712 which he uses to keep them in talking books and dildos. 48 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,399 People say alcohol's a drug. 49 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,749 It's not a drug, it's a drink. 50 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,712 Are one in three 15-year-olds really on drugs? 51 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:10,399 No, we proved it in tests. 52 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,796 To preserve the anonymity of our volunteers, 53 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,276 we replaced each of them with three five-year-olds 54 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:21,677 and not one had even heard of drugs... 55 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,995 let alone smoked one off. 56 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,600 The biggest problem of all is the law. 57 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:30,474 It is legal to carry drugs if you don't actually touch them. 58 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,796 These men avoid contact by using helium balloons 59 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,149 attached to little drug baskets. 60 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:40,512 It's also legal to sell drugs if you use a mandrill. 61 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,154 Typically, mandrills work at night, 62 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,033 approaching the client with a drug pouch 63 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,150 and returning with the money. 64 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,078 Mandrills are intelligent and vicious, 65 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,873 capable of throwing a man over 40 feet, 66 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,639 but mandrills have been protected by law 67 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,831 ever since Queen Elizabeth I gave birth to a child 68 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,474 resembling a mandrill by mistake. 69 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:11,669 The classic street signs of a nearby drug abuse. 70 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:15,395 But what about this? Remnants of something far worse. 71 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,876 A new legal drug from Czechoslovakia called Cake. 72 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:22,276 Oh, and luckily, the story involves these people. 73 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,550 Free the United Kingdom From Drugs 74 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:28,275 and British Opposition to Metabolically Bisturbile Drugs. 75 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,912 Ted Maul reports. 76 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,838 Cake first appeared in Prague last year. 77 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,236 News reports showed victims enslaved with pain. 78 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:39,352 Disturbing images like this, 79 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:43,757 and a knowledge of the drug routes in Europe, 80 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,755 led to the formation of Free the United Kingdom From Drugs 81 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,679 incorporating British Opposition to Metabolically Bisturbile Drugs. 82 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,518 Their aim, to enlist the great and good... 83 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,630 I'm Bernard Ingham. This is Cake. 84 00:05:55,680 --> 00:06:00,390 ..to warn Britain about Cake before it was too late. 85 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:04,115 Hi, this is Bruno Brookes. We all like to party, right? 86 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:08,995 But only the fool would say, "I'll enter the nightmare of Cake." 87 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:13,113 This colour, that they thought would be a good selling point, 88 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:16,835 is put in with an industrial dye, which is a pollutant, 89 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:21,192 and is causing in Czechoslovakia something called Czech-neck. 90 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:25,836 It causes enormous water retention so that the body swells up. 91 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:29,111 The neck becomes about this wide and swells up 92 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,310 to engulf the mouth and the nose 93 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,749 so that the person who's on that trip 94 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,758 dies through not being able to breathe at all. 95 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:41,191 One young kiddy on Cake cried all the water out of his body. 96 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,630 Just imagine how his mother felt. It's a fucking disgrace. 97 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:48,434 Can we lose this thing about the slow crushing of his skull? 98 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:51,950 (Ted) 'No one knew how to get the message over better. 99 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:55,595 What is Cake? Well, it has an active ingredient 100 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,916 which is a dangerous psychoactive compound 101 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,839 known as dimesmeric andersonphosphate. 102 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,919 It stimulates part of the brain called Shatner's Bassoon. 103 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:11,033 That's the bit of the brain that deals with time perception. 104 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:14,311 So, a second feels like a month. 105 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,920 Well, it almost sounds like fun 106 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,155 unless you're the Prague schoolboy 107 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,749 who walked out into the street straight in front of a tram. 108 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,473 He thought he'd got a month to cross the street. 109 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,239 They've even tested this stuff on rats. 110 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,556 Turned them into bloody space hoppers! Come on! 111 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:36,276 If you're sick on this stuff, you can puke your-fucking-self to death. 112 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:39,471 One girl threw up her own pelvis bone 113 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,715 before she snuffed her lid. 114 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,751 What a fucking disgrace. 115 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,472 Sounds like a lot of fun - 116 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,273 if you want to be part of the summer of death. 117 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,914 Thank you for listening to me. Take care - 118 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,235 and I really do mean take care. 119 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,158 In part two, Cake gets political. 120 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,270 David Amess is MP for Basildon. 121 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,039 - How do you know about this? - Tourists. 122 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,911 He is also shocked. 123 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,952 - Good God. - 'And appalled. 124 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,355 - Basildon puke plates? - Yeah. 125 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,915 The reference is nothing to do with Basildon the place. 126 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,997 It was rhyming slang which was Basildon Bond... 127 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,474 The paper? Right, I'm with it. 128 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,239 ..as in bombed - getting out of your head. 129 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,954 And, is it right for man to take drugs through an animal? 130 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,072 We've got an advert from a Tokyo cable channel 131 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:37,112 which shows somebody taking drugs through... 132 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,311 It's a device in order to take drugs through a dog. 133 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,711 If you roll that tape now. 134 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,558 (Man talking in Japanese) 135 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,638 Let's crystallise it, right? Right or wrong? 136 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:23,955 For tobacco, wrong. 137 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,116 - For crack? - Er... Wrong. 138 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,957 - For heroin? - Wrong. 139 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,675 Awaiting transmission, 140 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,996 is drug dealing now completely out of control? 141 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,395 - (Reporter) I've got 30 quid. - What is it? 142 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:16,431 A friend just got triple jacked over a steeple hammer and jessop. 143 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,950 (Dealer) Feel, not wood, right? 144 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,230 This is not wood, man. 145 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,477 He got a negative bluety with a crack candle 146 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,193 and he ended up on the jessop jessop jessop. 147 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,676 (Dealer) Do you think I want to hear any of that now? 148 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:35,076 Drug use among children has for many an education 149 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:39,193 and with obvious alarm to both parents on the increase yearly. 150 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,630 But the approach in schools has changed considerably 151 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:46,355 since the late '70s heyday of Drumlake School in Hampshire. 152 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:50,518 We take students from age eight to 18 153 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:54,519 and the whole ethos of the school is to allow the children 154 00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:59,350 to discover their own level of drug intake... 155 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,915 and to develop their own sense of maturity. 156 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:07,954 We do have, er, one or two problems, occasionally 157 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,993 with extortionate prices being demanded 158 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:15,591 and once the price rises above, for instance, 159 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,996 £15 for a quarter-ounce of Moroccan hashish, 160 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,759 then we would put a control on that price 161 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,873 and we would then introduce our own supplies into the system. 162 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,150 Usually, by about age 15 or 16, 163 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,953 they're injecting themselves with heroin... 164 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,638 Morning. 165 00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:36,355 ..and by the time they're 17, they're generally bored with it. 166 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,870 The one rule that we do insist on 167 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:43,230 is that all drugs, especially the hard drugs, 168 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:47,034 are of medical quality. 169 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:50,117 - How's it going? - I've got a bit of a problem. 170 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,516 - Oh, yes? - Yeah, I'm running out of money 171 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,677 and I won't have enough to buy new drugs or anything. 172 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,551 Oh, dear. 173 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,318 I thought you could help. 174 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:04,079 But I can't start telling you 175 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,556 how to spend your money and how to save it, can I? 176 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,795 It's your problem. 177 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:12,149 And you just walk in here and ask... 178 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:15,351 Expect me to sort out this out for you just like that? 179 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:20,394 - Do you know Mr Phillips? - Yes, he's a geography teacher. 180 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,274 Yes, you know his wife died a couple of months ago, don't you? 181 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,675 Well, he's been very lonely. 182 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,517 He's been very depressed. 183 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,389 Why don't you have a word with him? 184 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:39,353 Go and see him, explain your problem and, um... 185 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,119 he'll explain his problem to you. 186 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,435 When the children have gone on holiday 187 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:49,793 and the staff have gone home and I've got the place to myself, 188 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,957 I rather enjoy turning up some loud rock music 189 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,036 and reliving the old days... 190 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,513 Go on a three-day binge, something like that. 191 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,313 It doesn't happen very often these days. 192 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:06,195 Drumlake may have worked but that doesn't stop it being absolute guff. 193 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,390 What about the modern approach? 194 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:12,479 Austen Tassletine broke into a playground to bother the kids. 195 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:16,274 Everybody you'll see in the first 10 seconds of this report is an addict. 196 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,754 You're an addict. You are. 197 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,394 Addict! Addict. 198 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,396 Oi, you're an addict. 199 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,431 You're an addict. Addicts. 200 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:29,268 All addicted to the cure for the drugs problem. 201 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,115 Drugs need you. 202 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:37,994 (Austen) 'Here at Thuckstead School, they can score pure cure. 203 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,237 If you take the "u" out of drugs, what have you got? Drgs. 204 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,158 Ever hear of anyone get addicted to drgs? 205 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,760 People say cocaine is fun... 206 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,836 First, an information rush. 207 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,395 Kids see what comes out when a coke-head blows its nose. 208 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:55,512 - How funny is that? - 'Often on a napkin. 209 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:58,074 That man is lying on his back thinking, 210 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,680 "Where in shitting crikey is my nose? " 211 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,029 It's in a jar, mate. 212 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:06,390 It's much better to scare the shit out of a kid now 213 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,431 than watch it become an addict 214 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,119 and get bunged up with shit and never shit again. 215 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,151 I'm being frank to shock you. 216 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,317 Webb is invited to the school under a new scheme called 217 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:20,433 Schools Heightened Aversion Drug Therapy - SHADT. 218 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,789 We live in very drugged off times. 219 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:26,116 Er, I've seen mothers chasing children down the street. 220 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,357 Who's to say they won't inject them with drugs once they catch them? 221 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,834 This is the school addict. 222 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:36,158 Hi. Hi, I'm Mark, I'm the school drug addict. 223 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,431 When they first meet Mark, he's on a speed ball 224 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,675 and shows them the upside of high. 225 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,951 Four days later, he's a frozen chicken. 226 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:49,391 The kids expect more fun but they get the bum side of clucking. 227 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:50,953 Shiny. 228 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,675 Kid upon infant scores a hit made not of drug but terror. 229 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:55,948 (Screams) 230 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,468 - 'It is called... - Pre-toxic aversion. 231 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,750 ..developed in, that is, nicked from... 232 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:04,270 - America. - (Manic laughing) 233 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,117 The Black classroom. 234 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,709 Children are made to sit in front of a drug paraphernalium 235 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,832 while listening to some extremely monged music. 236 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:16,714 (Weirdly distorted fairground organ) 237 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:20,036 This child receives a high-impact incident, 238 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,594 in which the addict has gone shocking. 239 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:26,918 (Webb) 'The addict wears a horse's head as sometimes drugs are so new 240 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,633 we can only guess at what the effects would be. 241 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,148 What you've got to do is frighten a child. 242 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,112 Don't pussyfoot around, give it a stark image, 243 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,674 Iike Dennis Potter in Blue Velvet. 244 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,280 (Austen) Serious cases need a family fix. 245 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:44,074 Desiree has been identified as a disaster waiting to happen. 246 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,793 Unless you take action now, 247 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:50,355 your daughter will be selling her kids 248 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:56,270 in order to shove crack into any available orifice in her body. 249 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,357 Desiree's parents agree to leave home for three days 250 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,198 while Desiree is told a systematic fib. 251 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:05,152 I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. 252 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,954 The child is informed her parents are dead. 253 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,389 They died of a drugs overdose. 254 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:14,829 I want you to know that when you're there, 255 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,316 there is something about this that is quite shocking. 256 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,157 As is the staged funeral, 257 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,795 with its uncompromising memorial to Desiree's parents. 258 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:28,356 With one face they presented an appearance of respectability 259 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,119 but with the other they said, "Oh, goody! 260 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:34,994 "Let's pump ourselves full of magic monkey juice 261 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,634 "and take a trip to spaceland, 262 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:43,915 "because we'd rather do that than spend another minute 263 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,996 "with that poor sod." 264 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,911 Would you all please stand. 265 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,951 (Organ music begins) 266 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,157 It's probably about now that Desiree will vow 267 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,875 never to take a single drug, not even a stomach tablet. 268 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:06,508 Two days later, the family is reunited. It gets tricky. 269 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:10,792 It's been very hard for Desiree, hasn't it, darling? 270 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:14,719 But, er, we feel that if it comes down to a choice 271 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,752 between her being a little grumpy for a while 272 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,268 or being off her mash on ecstasy pipes, 273 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:23,039 then we know which we'd prefer. 274 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:32,838 And when the man turned into a horse, that was good, wasn't it? 275 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,110 It's hard to tell whether this school 276 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,628 will be a hit or a hash. But what do I know? 277 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,319 I only took ecstasy once and I didn't swallow. 278 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,078 Only time can tell and if you think about it, 279 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,189 time's a bit of a drug, too. 280 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,990 If time's a drug, then Big Ben is a huge needle 281 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:54,634 injecting it into the sky. 282 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,639 But this is Cake, the new killer drug from Prague. 283 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:03,959 (Austen) 'Last half we heard about Cake and, importantly, its dangers. 284 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,915 13 teenagers were trampled to death in a cow field at midnight 285 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,951 taking this stuff. 286 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,834 And more importantly, that it's a made-up drug. 287 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,871 Cake is a made-up drug. 288 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:21,436 It's not made from plants, it's made from chemicals... 289 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,798 by...sick bastards. 290 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,558 But for maximum reach, 291 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:29,036 Cake needed an actively political kick in the pills 292 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,789 and that's what it got from MP David Amess, MP. 293 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:34,831 You heard what Bernard Manning said, 294 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,200 Cake is a bisturbile cranabolic amphetamoid, 295 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:41,118 which is a made-up, psychoactive chemical. 296 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:44,914 It comes from Prague, with its own culture of boom raves, 297 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,997 where kids wolf down vast quantities of this. 298 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,713 Big to contain trip nutrients, 299 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,194 yellow purely as a fashion thing. 300 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:56,391 They all fall on it like crazed animals, 301 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,954 scoff the lot and then lie around 302 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:03,152 waiting for a DJ to play music which sounds like this. 303 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,838 (Single, weak beat of music) 304 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:10,477 To the speeded-up brain of the user, that sound lasts for four hours... 305 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:13,751 and sounds like this. 306 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:19,114 (Dance music littered with strange background sounds) 307 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:54,790 Is it any wonder users frequently complain of monumental depression? 308 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:59,072 Several people have actually been brained by saucepans 309 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:04,353 thrown out of tower blocks, used to make this kind of Cake. 310 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:08,951 Look at that! A hundred grand in the pocket of the filth that sells it. 311 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:13,118 A big yellow death bullet in the head of some poor user, 312 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,151 or custard gannet, as the dealers call them. 313 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,512 I'm off to do what I can and if you don't mind, 314 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,118 I'll leave this with you. 315 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,720 I don't want to look at it for another moment. 316 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,832 What FUCKD and BOMBD needed more than anything 317 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,269 was the illegalisation of Cake. 318 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,596 Have we asked anything about this in Parliament? 319 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,358 - No. - We haven't? 320 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,550 That would be ideal. 321 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,717 Well, I'll certainly raise a question, er... 322 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,638 That now became a very real possibility. 323 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:45,877 With the hell of Cake still ringing in his ears, 324 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:50,516 Amess went to his lair and drafted a question for the Home Office. 325 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,391 The very next Question Time 326 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,432 saw health ministers pledging to fight Cake. 327 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:59,712 In the meantime, the message for the kids is loud and clear. 328 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:03,753 Help FUCKD and BOMBD eliminate this evil. 329 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:07,713 Use your cheesebox and say, "No. Never." 330 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:11,150 - So, please, help us at FUCKD. - And BOMBD. 331 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:15,910 Remember, Cake is a made-up drug and has many disguises. 332 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:21,717 I'm just reading here the names of these fucking loony...stuff. 333 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,274 If someone offers you Cake, 334 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,993 they might call it loony-toad-quack. 335 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,191 - Russell dust. - Chronic Basildon doughnuts. 336 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,549 Joss Ackland's spunky backpack. 337 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,239 - Bromoside. - Ponce on the Heath. 338 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,032 Cool, Thwax and Charlie. 339 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,593 Argue Barmies. 340 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,394 Or Hatti Jacques pretentious cheese wog. 341 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:47,115 Chuck it back in their face and tell 'em to fuck off. 342 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,152 That's all very well but what about this? 343 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,231 The scag. 344 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,272 I've been using this for about six years. 345 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:07,476 I'm completely dependent, terrified of vomiting my daily fix. 346 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,556 Terrified of vomiting, vomiting... 347 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,478 It could so easily have been like that for me 348 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,193 but the amount of heroin I use is harmless. 349 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,915 I inject about once a month on a recreational basis. Fine. 350 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,793 But what about others, less stable, less educated, 351 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,637 Iess middle-class than me? 352 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,830 Builders or blacks, for example. 353 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,919 If you're one of those, my advice to you is leave well alone. 354 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,757 Good luck. 355 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:38,674 To say Jas Mann is to say the man who is totally Babylon Zoo. 356 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:40,950 He's the chungwit and the biff-boff. 357 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,470 Let's get this straight, he does it all. You sing all the notes? 358 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:45,999 Correct. 359 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,077 - Have you really sung them all? - Definitely. 360 00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:51,475 The whole album, my record... 361 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:55,513 I mean all the notes there are. There's A to G, isn't there? 362 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:59,075 It's quite difficult to work out what note you're singing. 363 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:02,715 - But you've never sung an H? - No, I wouldn't have thought so. 364 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,399 If that's the case, then what is your song? 365 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,352 Is it an audible sound or like a bubble of oxygen? 366 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:12,359 I think it could become a figment of people's imagination. 367 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,789 You write the lyrics, who does the words? 368 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,037 - I do it myself. - You as well? 369 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,675 Do you think you'll ever write a spherical song? 370 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,837 - I don't know really. - Has Michael Nyman? 371 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,711 I think he's getting close. 372 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,274 - As he gets older or...? - Definitely. 373 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,390 Got to ask you, are you a genius? 374 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,671 Er, I'd say I will become a genius. 375 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,712 Maybe you were born with more genes than the rest of us. 376 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,557 Maybe.