1 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,800 Where's the weed shed? 2 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:15,160 Underground. 3 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,280 Show me. 4 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,320 And you've been living down here, have you? Since you died. 5 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,160 Mr McCann.Ssh-ssh. 6 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,320 Have a seat. 7 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,480 You're wondering what I'm gonna do to you, right? Yeah. 8 00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:52,800 That thought had flipped through my mind. 9 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,640 I see you in me, Vinnie. 10 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,040 In what way? No, Christ. Not that way, no. 11 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:06,720 What I mean is... 12 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,360 ...I see some of you inside me. 13 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,400 Mm... Fucking hell. 14 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,520 I started out with nothing. 15 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,360 Scrapped my way up through guile, cunning. 16 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,200 And I respect people who do the same. 17 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,240 So if you can do all this... 18 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,240 ...and fake your own funeral, 19 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,400 you're a man I can use. 20 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:33,600 So, this is my proposition. 21 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:37,360 I'll pay the cash and all this. Doubles, trebles, quadruples. 22 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,320 You'll need more space. You run it, but I own it. 23 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,360 OUR weed empire. 24 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,280 And if I should ever need a thief 25 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:49,960 or something that requires your unique skills, 26 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,400 I will call and you will assist. 27 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,680 Do we have ourselves a deal? 28 00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:00,120 C... can I stop worrying you're going to cut my dick off? 29 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,200 Consider it safe in my hands. 30 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,280 But nobody fucks with me twice, Vinnie. 31 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,640 Deal? Yeah, deal. 32 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,360 Get yourself cleaned up. You can't work for me looking like shit. 33 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,280 I think this calls for a drink. 34 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:30,400 Oh, er, no, that's er... 35 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:33,160 It's piss. Mm. 36 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,200 Where are you shitting? 37 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:45,360 # That's what I want 38 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:49,000 # That's what I want # That's what I want 39 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,920 # That's what I wa-a-ant # That's what I want # 40 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,560 Hey-hey! 41 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,600 Hey, Vin, are you all right? Hey! 42 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,640 Hey, Vinnie! You all right? 43 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,400 # I'm alive! 44 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,480 # And I'm seeing things mighty clear today 45 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,520 # I'm alive 46 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,880 # I'm alive 47 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,640 # And I'm sitting here yelling and doing my thing 48 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,680 # I'm alive 49 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,040 # And I'm real 50 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,760 # I can breathe and touch and see and feel 51 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,400 # I'm alive 52 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,440 # Yeah, hear me, all 53 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,120 # I'm a man 54 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,000 # Who don't care if my hair's a bit long 55 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,720 # I'm a man 56 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,240 # Na na # Na na 57 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:56,560 # Na na # Na na 58 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,760 # Na na # Na Na 59 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,800 # Na na # Na na 60 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,480 # Baby, baby 61 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,760 # Baby, baby 62 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,560 # Yeah, yeah 63 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,600 # I'm a man 64 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,680 # And I'm red and I'm yellow I'm black and I'm tan 65 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,720 # I'm a man 66 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,200 # I'm alive 67 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,560 # Sitting here yelling and doing my thing 68 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,320 # I'm alive... # 69 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,000 Voila. Voila? 70 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,520 It's a closed metal shutter. Yeah, fuck me. 71 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,960 It is now, but not when it's full of exotic plantation, Dyldo. 72 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,640 Unit 51. That's where the Americans keep their extraterrestrial aliens. 73 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:49,440 That's Area 51.It's highly classified. They reverse engineer crashed alien spaceships, 74 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,480 study the occupants and make their own aircrafts based on the technology. 75 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,840 Right. Well, in here we're gonna be growing weed. Industrial scale. 76 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,560 Where'd you get it? Chinese Dan. 77 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,960 That slippery fuck. I know he's a slippery fuck, 78 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,400 but he's a slippery fuck offering us a deal on a unit, no questions asked. 79 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,440 The best part is next door's a storage place for curry flavourings, 80 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,640 bloody herbs, powders and shit like that. 81 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:17,280 With a bit of clever drilling, ventilation, it's gonna mask the smell of the ganja. 82 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,560 There's only one problem. 83 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,120 He's made you look quite silly there.Mm-hm. 84 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,600 Carrot Top Dolls. 85 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,080 Weren't they popular 30 years ago? The originals were.No. 86 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:44,960 They've had a resurgence, actually... Press that. 87 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,640 ...in China.Right. And Chinese Dan, being so fucking Chinese, 88 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,520 he seized upon this. What are we supposed to do with them? 89 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:58,320 I bought 'em as part of the deal on the unit. Fuck's sake! Fucking hell. 90 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:02,200 Dolls are dolls. Kids loved 'em in the '80s. Couldn't make 'em fast enough. 91 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:05,800 We should buy a thousand fucking VHS machines while we're at it. 92 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:08,560 Yeah, and some Tamagotchi's, basically. 93 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:13,560 Ha ha ha! Shut up! We're gonna need grow lights, irrigation and extractor fans. 94 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:18,080 We can nick all that shit. But can we make it work for an industrial grow, Dyl? 95 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,640 Right. 96 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,000 It's gonna need a false ceiling erecting. 97 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,440 It's gonna need marking out into grow lanes. 98 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,480 Properly measured, no winging it. 99 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,960 We need to seal that entrance, use the side door. 100 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,920 Can't expose the plants every time we come and go, but... 101 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,200 otherwise... it could work. 102 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,720 Yeah. Oh, shit. It's McCann. Here you are. 103 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,840 Mr McCann. Hello, Vin, where are you? 104 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,320 You won't believe it, but I'm standing inside 105 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:47,160 what is soon to become our industrial grow here. Excellent, excellent. 106 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,920 You have twin girls, don't you? Do they like dolls? 107 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,160 Dolls? Yeah, I got a couple going spare. 108 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,200 I'll drop 'em off for you next time I see you. Did you want me? 109 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:59,080 I did, yeah. My boys are tied up, so I need you to collect something for me. 110 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,360 Yeah, yeah, no worries. What is it? His name's Tony Tillerton. 111 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,280 That's a person. I'm gonna text you two addresses. 112 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,560 One's his, one's where I want him bringing. 113 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,720 You might wanna take a friend with you. He's a conniving toerag. 114 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,800 Yeah, understood, yeah. And Vin? Yeah? 115 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,320 Get the fucker back safe, yeah? Listen... 116 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,880 Er... No, he's gone. 117 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:23,480 Right, who fancies a nice day out? 118 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,320 # Can you tie them in a knot? 119 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,360 # Can you tie them in a bow? 120 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:31,480 # Can you throw them over your shoulder like a regimental soldier? 121 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,200 # Do your ears hang low? #Yo. Tommo, where are you? 122 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,000 Halfway down the country on our way to France. France? 123 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:41,920 France, yes. Booze cruise for the Rat and Cutter. Jesus Christ, his memory. We told you. 124 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,720 It's the fucking new pills, I can't remember a sodding thing. 125 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,960 Cardi says hello. Carol's given him the full Vinnie makeover. 126 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,280 Right. How's he look? Er... an absolute plum. 127 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,320 The whole family's here. I've got Carol, Erin, Tyler 128 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:58,400 and, for maximum effect, Carol's gran Alma. Say hello, Alma. 129 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,320 Hello. You all right, Alma, love? 130 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,360 Yes, thanks. 131 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,360 Is that the darkie? Gran! 132 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,320 Oh, Vinnie. The mental one. That's the one, Alma. 133 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,240 I've gotta go. Bring me back some cheese, will you? Will do. 134 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:15,000 Cheese, Es and as much booze as you can fit in an Skystrider Crusader. 135 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,360 What are Es? Nothing you need to worry about. 136 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,640 CARDI: They're sweeties for grown-ups. 137 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,280 Thanks, Cardi. Helpful! 138 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,600 Au revoir, Vin. Au revoir, bon voyage. 139 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:27,000 Deja vu. Fucking French stuff. 140 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,960 Oi. Stop fucking about with them dolls. 141 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:35,640 He's done something wrong. You don't send people to collect people unless they don't wanna come. 142 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:38,760 Maybe he doesn't drive, Dyl. Fucking tell him to get the train. 143 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:42,200 What if there's not a train line where he bloody lives. A fucking bus. 144 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:46,440 Look, I don't know! He's asked us to collect him so I have to fucking... 145 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,480 What's going on down there? 146 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:51,680 I think I've got an infestation. An infestation? 147 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,800 Who've you been shagging? Met this fella online. Randolf. 148 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:58,760 He was kind of dirty. What dirty or, like, dirty dirty? 149 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,760 No, not dirty dirty, just like... actually dirty. 150 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,680 Lovely. What website are you using? Shagaskank.com. 151 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,760 The sex was amazing, destroyed him. Lovely little arsehole. 152 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:11,480 But ever since I've got fierce itchy pubes now. Have yous any advice? 153 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:14,760 I do, actually, yeah. Don't have sex with dirty men called Randolf. 154 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:19,000 You'll need to shave. I'm Googling it, but I'm sure you've got genital lice. 155 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,320 Fuck. What? Could be a yeast infection. Or scabies. Crabs even. 156 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,960 Extra-mammary Paget's disease. Could be. Cheers, lads. 157 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,680 Thanks for making me feel better! Right, here we are. 158 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,200 Avondale. That's not a thing, is it? 159 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:34,480 I spy with my little eye... No! 160 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,360 No more "I spy".What can we play? 161 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,720 I've got a game, right? This is brilliant. 162 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:41,760 We use to play this at school. 163 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:45,120 Everyone has to tell a secret. 164 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,600 Yeah! Yeah? All right. All right, I'll go first. 165 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:50,320 When I'm alone in my house -There's kids present. 166 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,360 Don't worry, it's clean. 167 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,800 I like to get comfortable, grab a hairbrush 168 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:59,120 and pretend I'm in front of thousands of adoring fans, belting out power ballads. 169 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,920 # I wanna know what love is 170 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,000 # Ooh, oh yeah 171 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,080 # And I want you to show me Oh, yeah... # 172 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,120 Why am I not surprised, eh? 173 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,600 Who's next? I'll go. Oh, God. 174 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:15,960 I'm genuinely nervous. I once stole a child's breakfast from a cafe 175 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,600 when he went away to the bathroom. Gran! Awful. 176 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,960 Why? He was a lardy little shit. 177 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,320 All right, your turn. Who me? Yeah. 178 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,800 Let me think. You must have hundreds. 179 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,080 Not really. Oh, come on, Carol 180 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,440 Shall I go again? No.Come on. 181 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,600 All right 182 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,280 Well... But it's not for young ears. 183 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:42,760 A fucking porno, Carol? 184 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,840 I thought this was supposed be a laugh. 185 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:48,880 What, you're t-telling me you had s-s-sex 186 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,440 in f-front of a camera and the whole fucking world's seen it? 187 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,040 It wasn't Pulp Fiction though, was it, Cardi? Huh? 188 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,560 And it was a long time ago. I've got fucking pictures in my head. 189 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:02,280 Ah, you're overreacting. Sure, my gran's not bothered. Oh, well, she... 190 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,880 I fucking am! You're a hypocrite, Cardi. 191 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:08,640 You enjoy the porn but you're not happy that your girlfriend's in one. 192 00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:10,680 What was it called? 193 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,720 Eager Beavers. 194 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,760 Volume 22. 195 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,800 You're unbelievable. Fucking start the car! 196 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,280 Fucking hell! 197 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:30,400 Christ. It's a thatched roof. Hardly screams axe-wielding maniac, does it? 198 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,160 Hey, he's got peacocks. 199 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,840 Oh, my God, psychopaths like animals. 200 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:40,360 Jeffrey Dahmer had cats. Yeah, and he also impaled dogs' heads on sticks. 201 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,400 Let's just keep our wits about us. 202 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,480 Any aggro, we jump him. 203 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,080 Hello, chaps! 204 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,640 Fresh scones, straight from the oven. 205 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,680 Go lovely with a cup of tea. 206 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:06,200 Right, you know the drill. We're a big happy family, off on our jollies. 207 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:10,440 So, passports out, big smiles... Passport?..and let's all pretend... 208 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,360 Yes, Alma. Yeah, passports. 209 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,680 Obviously. Cos we're going to a foreign country. 210 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:19,320 I haven't got a passport. I haven't been abroad since 19- 211 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,840 You fucking what? 212 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,880 Jesus fucking Christ! 213 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,960 Gran! What? No-one said. CARDI: We're going to France. 214 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,480 Is this a Brexit thing? No, it's a going-to-another-fucking-country thing. Tommo! 215 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,880 I... I've got my pension book. 216 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,480 Yeah, you show 'em that, I'll show 'em my gym pass, 217 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:47,840 and he can show 'em his Costa fucking coffee card! 218 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,840 She's getting out. You can't throw her out. 219 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:52,480 We won't get through, will we, without her passport? 220 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,480 I'm not turning round, Carol, cos it's taken fucking hours. 221 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:59,320 We can't throw her out in the middle of nowhere. It's not nowhere. It's Folkestone. 222 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:03,960 There's hotels, a harbour, she'll have a great time. You go too and make a p-porno while you wait. 223 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,920 Grow up. There's a market for that. Gummy BJs and that. What's a porno? 224 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,320 It's a grown-up film. 225 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,000 With sex. Tommo! 226 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:15,560 What? Was that or was that not factually accurate? Let's just think this through. 227 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:19,160 Why don't we explain what happened and see if there's anything they can do? 228 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,520 Like what? I don't know! I'm trying to think of ways to make it work. 229 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:25,960 She could hide in the caravan. No, sweetheart, she can't.Why not? 230 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,760 Yeah, actually. Why not? 231 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:31,480 No! No, no, Carol, think about it. The lad's come up with a masterplan. 232 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,960 Hide me? Yes, love, in the bog. 233 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,000 I'm not hiding in the bathroom. 234 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,440 Under the b-bed then. No! 235 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,560 No, Carol. They'll look at us and assume we're two couples. 236 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,240 They won't look for someone else. Then why bring her along? 237 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,280 I'm beginning to wonder that myself. 238 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,520 It's the caravan or nothing. 239 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,320 Put these... 240 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,120 ...over here and it turns out 241 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,560 there is absolutely... loads of room. 242 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,440 There you go. I'll never get in there. You will, pull your knees up. 243 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:07,160 I'm not happy about this. It's a few hours and then we're in France. 244 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,320 You know what? Pretend it's an adventure. Pretend it's the war 245 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:13,680 and you're hiding from the Nazis. But what if they search it? 246 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,960 Haven't they got infrared cameras? They don't pick up old ladies, 247 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,040 your bones are too hollow. Come on. We'll say you've got dementia 248 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,280 and climbed in when we weren't looking. 249 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,280 Are you OK, Grammy? Give her a pillow. 250 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,040 Yeah. Do you want some water, love, and maybe a snack? 251 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,640 Ah, just put the bloody lid on. 252 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,880 Can I go in the other side? No, you can't. 253 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,480 Grammy? What grammy? 254 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:44,320 Cunt. 255 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,640 So it all started as my cover story, 256 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:56,040 so that I could just get a few hours here and there away from the wife. 257 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,960 You know, "Just going through to play with the train set, dear." 258 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,360 And then I would just come in here, through there, 259 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,040 and er... and do the er... Terence work. 260 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,480 I had to spend a bit of time on the train set in case she came in 261 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:15,280 and er, so I started ordering bits and bobs... 262 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:18,760 Er... don't touch it. No, you've derailed the diesel. 263 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,080 I'd ordered bits and bobs on the interweb 264 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,720 and I really got into it. 265 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,680 When you see that train zooming around the track 266 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,280 it can be quite therapeutic. 267 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,440 Excuse me. Erm, Mr Tillerton. Mm? 268 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,320 Can I try this out? 269 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,920 I've just always really wanted to fire one of these. 270 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,440 They're essentially decorative, old chum. 271 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,360 There's bullets. 272 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,600 Well, be my guest. But just make sure you do it out the back. 273 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:47,080 You ever make them crash? I beg your pardon? Do you ever make them... 274 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,240 sort of smash into each other? 275 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,800 Why would I do that? For fun. "They're heading towards each other." 276 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,840 Psshww! Smash. Casualties. 277 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,200 Carnage. "I've lost a leg! Oh!" 278 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,640 You know, "I got separated from the group." 279 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:04,520 "Oh, my children, where have they gone? Where are my children?" 280 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,120 No. 281 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,880 So your wife has no idea that you do illegal tech fraud? 282 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:16,560 Oh, absolutely, blissfully unaware. 283 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:20,360 We have a wonderful retirement. God knows where she thinks the money comes from. 284 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,480 What the... Shit!..fuck? 285 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,120 Oh, well, fuck. 286 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,840 It was coming for me. It's a peacock! 287 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:35,080 It was coming for me. Whoa, whoa, put the fucking gun down. 288 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,120 This is Struan. 289 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,160 He's my favourite. 290 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,280 I'm really sorry. I'm a fish-lover. 291 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,640 I hate hurting animals. They'll all tell you. 292 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,800 I've had this bird in my bed.Oh. 293 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,840 I can't - Not like that, no. 294 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,240 Curled up like a dog. Still weird. 295 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,080 He was coming for me. 296 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:55,640 Stop saying that! All right, shall we er... 297 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,600 Oh, Struan... shall we get going? 298 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,120 Come on, Tony.Struan.I know. Poor Struan. 299 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,080 Come on. I'll never see his like again. I know, I know. 300 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:06,640 Come on. Oh, Struan. Come and have a cup of tea. 301 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,480 I know. It's a shame. Come on, you'll see him again. 302 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:12,520 Who is that boy that shot him? What's his name? 303 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,560 JJ. He didn't mean to do it.JJ. 304 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,640 Bellend. Oi! Get the fuck up here. 305 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:22,360 Yes, I'm just leaving a note for the lady wife about er... Struan. Um... 306 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:29,200 Would you boys mind awfully if I had a little tinkle before we go, 307 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,800 if it's a long drive. Yeah, all right. No worries. 308 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,840 Thank you. 309 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,720 Go with him. 310 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:41,120 Go with him? Go with him. He might be up to summat. Like what? 311 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,120 Well, I don't know. But Terence said he were conniving. 312 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,080 Ah, here, he made scones, he's hardly danger. 313 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,960 What is that there? Side of your head just there? 314 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,080 Go with him. 315 00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,400 Sorry there, I've gotta come in with you. 316 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,200 Come in with me? Yeah. It's just... 317 00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,960 Just in case, like. 318 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,880 Right. If it's just a number one, 319 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,200 I'll just stand with my back to you, so... 320 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,040 OK, right. Er... I've just got to warn you 321 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:11,120 I've got shy bladder syndrome, so... 322 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,160 Right, yeah. Yeah, shy bladder. Uh-huh. 323 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,680 I'm ever so sorry. 324 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,960 I can feel it in the pipe, just can't coax it out. 325 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,200 No worries. Is there... Is there anything I can do to help? 326 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,560 Like what? I dunno. Run some water or whistle or something. 327 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,560 Well, if you like, yes. 328 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:39,600 Oh, no, no, no. Ooh, no. No, that's... that's not helping. 329 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:43,040 It's gone right back up into the bladder. I'll try the tap, so. 330 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,080 Oh, yeah, I think were on the w... We're going... 331 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,600 Oh, no! It's gone back up again. 332 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:54,000 For Christ's sake. What? VINNIE: What are you doing? We're in t'van. 333 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,320 He's got shy bladder syndrome. Shy bladder syndrome! That's not a thing. 334 00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,960 Tell him we've gotta go. We've gotta go. I'm bursting. 335 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:04,280 Why don't I just leave him to piss? I'll stand the other side of the door.Fine. 336 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:09,360 - Just gonna lock the door, thanks. - OK. 337 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,840 Way I see it, right, life's all about perception. 338 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:34,800 Two hours ago you didn't know your girlfriend's chuff were out there 339 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,840 for every Tom, Dick and Harry to wazz over 340 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,960 and you were happy in your ignorance. 341 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,400 Yeah, but now I do. Right, so pretend you don't. 342 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,560 How? Tell your brain it never happened. 343 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,600 Tell your brain that... 344 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,160 ...she didn't nosh a massive-cocked guy with the cameras rolling 345 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:56,560 and there aren't thousands of people who've wanked themselves into oblivion -Tommo. 346 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,320 Y-you're not helping. Fine, torture yourself. 347 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:03,440 But there is nothing you can do or say that's gonna change things. 348 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,480 There is, actually. What's that? 349 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,400 I wanna see it. All right. 350 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,440 I wanna see the f-film. Yeah? 351 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,480 Think you're up to it, do you? Yeah. 352 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:20,040 You can handle what comes out of that Pandora's box? Whatever comes up.OK. 353 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,080 Your wish is my command. 354 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,440 Rub that lamp, see what comes out. 355 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,640 Thank you, genie. 356 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,680 I'll make some calls. 357 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,640 Bonjour. 358 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,880 I'm from Cornwall. In that case... 359 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,960 Thas it, my lover, get on my cock! 360 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,000 Passports. 361 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,200 Have a good trip. Will do. 362 00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,480 Just er... wish my dear old gran could have been here. 363 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,240 Piece of piss. Why would you do that? Why even mention her? 364 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,960 Having a bit of fun. Relax, we're through. When can we let Grammy out? 365 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,760 France. What?! 366 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:14,920 There's CCTV everywhere. We'll get across the sea, pull her out in Calais. 367 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,960 Hey... beer? 368 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,040 Back of the fucking net. 369 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:26,160 What are all these things doing in here? We're doll connoisseurs. 370 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,720 My daughter had one of these. 371 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,960 I think she used to call her Bernadette. 372 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,880 Yeah, I bloody hated it. 373 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:41,680 Do you know these things were going for 500 quid a pop back in the '80S? 374 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,720 See what I mean, demand. Yeah, then. 375 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,280 Then.Demand.Are you all right, sunshine? 376 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,760 I think it's a fungal infection. 377 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,720 You wanna have that checked out. Friend of mine had that. 378 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:55,080 Turned out to be extra-mammary Paget's disease. See? 379 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:58,200 What even is that? Well, it's associated 380 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,280 with an underlying cancer. 381 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,400 Huh? Have you got any bleeding at all? 382 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,320 Not that I've noticed. 383 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,720 Itchy scrotum? Or is it just the pubes? Mainly just the pubes. 384 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,600 And any discharge? Oh, come on. Are you a doctor? 385 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,680 Oh, no, no, but you don't get to my age 386 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,440 without having your fair share of health scares. 387 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,440 The main things to avoid are stressful - 388 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:21,880 Fuck! 389 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,840 Out of the van! Out of the van! 390 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,640 Give me the keys! 391 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,040 Don't hit me. Be cool, man. Will you shut up?! 392 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,920 Fuck! OK, let's go! Let's go! 393 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:37,960 You all right, Dyldo? 394 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,840 Ooh! You fuckers! Fucking keys, dude. 395 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,040 Motherfucker. 396 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,760 Fucker. Well, this is fuck, this, lads. 397 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,840 Dude, they knew we were coming. They must have.Course. 398 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,240 They got fucking tipped off. This knobhead down here. What? 399 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:15,560 This is fucking you, this, Ash! How me? Fucking shy bladder? 400 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:20,000 He couldn't piss. He was fucking buying himself time, so he could bell them wankers. 401 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,040 And now we've fucking lost him. 402 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,520 What am I gonna tell McCann? I found them! 403 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,080 Thank God for that 404 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,440 Ah, fuck. They're in a cowpat. 405 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:33,120 Fish 'em out. What if I get mad cow disease or something? 406 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,960 You fucking shot a peacock, dude. 407 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,440 Fish 'em out. 408 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,360 Ugh! Ugh! 409 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,760 Now then, they not gonna be expecting us to chase, 410 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,920 so I reckon we should chase 'em. They're fucking armed. 411 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,160 Do you wanna be the one who explains to McCann 412 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,040 that we've lost a pigging pensioner? 413 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,400 No.Exactly. 414 00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,440 Oh, bollocks. 415 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,520 Just get in the van. 416 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,600 This is wrecking my trainers, man. There's no service out here. 417 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:08,800 I just put my hand in cow shit, so shut up. 418 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,520 TOMMO: Bonjour et bienvenue en France. 419 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,200 Mission accomplished. CAROL: Get her out of there. 420 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,600 Jesus Christ, you're on the wrong side of the road! 421 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,640 You fucking eejit. 422 00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:40,360 She can get a plane home. I'm not going through that again. 423 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:46,680 Hey. I've texted Fingers McGuinness. 424 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,280 He's got a sex shop in Southport. If anyone can find that movie, he can. 425 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:51,920 Legend. 426 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,760 Grammy, wakey, wakey, rise and shine. 427 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,920 Grammy, we're through. It's all good. 428 00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,160 You can get up now, come back and sit in the car. Alma, love. 429 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,040 Alma. Shit. 430 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:05,680 Shit what? Er... 431 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,840 I'm not a doctor but er... 432 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,880 I would say with quite a degree of certainly that er... 433 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,200 ...she's dead. 434 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,000 What? No. 435 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,480 Grammy! Grammy! 436 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,480 Grammy, no-o-o-o-o-o! 437 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:22,800 No-o-o-o-o-o! Let's get you out of here. 438 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,440 Has she died? Yeah, but she was very old. 439 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,040 Come on. 440 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,600 Why did you... why did you put her in there? 441 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,040 It weren't my idea. It were Tyler's. 442 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,080 I merely endorsed it. 443 00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:42,360 Nobody's f-fault, Carol. 444 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,360 Correction, it's his fault. 445 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,480 Or yours. What, m-mine? 446 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:51,840 You stuffed her under there! Her an old woman and her on the pills. 447 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,160 I mean, what happened to her? Maybe... 448 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,360 maybe it were natural causes. 449 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,680 You stuffed her under the bed of a caravan! 450 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,800 Which, in and of itself, won't kill you. 451 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,840 What am I going to tell my grandad? 452 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,600 They've been married for nearly 49 years. 453 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,200 Probably... cancel the golden anniversary. 454 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,960 That's my fucking Grammy you're talking about! 455 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,240 It wouldn't have happened if she'd remembered her fucking passport. 456 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,800 I'm gonna fucking kill you. Carol, Carol, ssh. 457 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:19,840 Carol! And she were a racist. 458 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:25,320 Can we go on holiday anyway with her just dead? 459 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:27,360 Er... 460 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,400 No, no. No, darling. 461 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,840 Where are these fuckers? Probably miles away. 462 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,600 Yeah, cos they're bloody professionals. They had masks. 463 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:39,120 Masks don't make you professional, JJ. They're 1.49 off eBay. 464 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,080 They went straight ahead and there's not been any major turnoff, 465 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,720 so we just keep going and hope - Fuck! Oh, shit. 466 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,920 That's them. See? Shy bladder. Let's get 'em. 467 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:52,160 Fuck. Motherfuckers have fucking seen us. 468 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,000 We only want to talk! 469 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,280 "We only wanna talk." 470 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,320 What? It might have bloody worked. 471 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:01,840 What the fuck are we gonna talk about? The state of the economy? 472 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,000 For Jesus' sake. You're gonna lose 'em, Vin. Not gonna lose 'em. 473 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,360 Piece of shite can't keep up. 474 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,760 Not a good time, Cardi. It's about your gran. 475 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,480 Did you not hear me say it's not a good time? What about her? 476 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,520 S-she's kind of dead. 477 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,360 What do you mean dead? Dead, dead. 478 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,520 She's dead. And talking about stiffs, 479 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,240 did you know your sister's done a porno? Hold on. 480 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:26,000 I'll call you back, all right. 481 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,680 Oh, guys, this isn't good. 482 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:32,080 Don't ever mess with my peacocks, you bunch of schmucks. 483 00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:34,600 He's shooting us. He's fucking shooting us. 484 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:39,200 Armed and dangerous. Drop back. I'm not gonna drop back. He's gonna kill us. 485 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:43,000 I'm fucking commanding you, stop chasing them. I'm gonna zigzag. 486 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,680 Zigzagging?! Fucking listen to yourself! Can't hit a moving target. 487 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:50,840 Fuck you! Shit! I'm gonna fucking die collecting an old man that can't piss. 488 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,000 Will you pipe down, dude? No-one's dying. 489 00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:01,200 Just calm the... Oi, boys! Calm the fuck down. 490 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,240 Get out of the fucking van. 491 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:08,000 Arh! Oh, Jesus, his fucking head's come off. Brilliant! 492 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:12,200 Yeah, that's not good. Not good? Didn't you see the fucking sign? 493 00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,760 Misestimated. Yeah, you fucking misestimated. 494 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,640 Now we've got a head rolling on the floor. His eyes are open. 495 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,280 He's fucking looking at me. Stop him looking at me. 496 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,640 What we gonna do? What the fuck do you mean? 497 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,080 He's no good to us now. No, funnily enough, 498 00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:29,720 he's not much fucking use to us either, you lemon. 499 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,400 Oi.Get the fucker. 500 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:36,200 Fuck, it's McCann. What do I do? 501 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:39,400 Don't answer it. Don't answer it! Fucking genius, Dyldo. 502 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,840 What if he knows? How can he fucking know? 503 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,520 Will you fucking calm down, Dylan? Calm the fuck down. 504 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,200 You fucking calm down an' all. Shit! 505 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:49,960 All right. 506 00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,280 Hello. Hello, Vin, how's it going? 507 00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:58,720 Yeah, yeah. Good thanks, yeah. Never been be better, actually. 508 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:01,120 You got Tillerton? Oh, yeah. 509 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:04,440 Looking at his... looking at his face right now, actually. 510 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,240 You on your way back? Doesn't sound like you're driving. 511 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:11,000 No, we er... we pulled over. He needed a... He needed a piss. 512 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,960 Oh, yeah, he's got that shy bladder thing, hasn't he? 513 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,120 No, he's not got that any more. We've cured it, actually. 514 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:20,160 He's like a fucking racehorse. Tony, come on, lad, will you? 515 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:23,640 Shall we see you later on? Yeah, the address I sent. 5pm. 516 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:26,360 I'll be there with bells on. Oh, he's fucking gone. 517 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:30,360 Why did you let 'em get away? Fucking gone. Took his body. What are we gonna do? 518 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,400 He's still looking at me, you know. 519 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,120 JJ, if you carry on, I'm gonna fucking brain you, dude. 520 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,720 We have to move this head before someone comes.No. 521 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:41,360 JJ? No fucking way am I touching that. 522 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,360 Fuck. How are we gonna move a human head? 523 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:49,200 Those Carrot Top dolls. Go on, Dyl, bro, throw us one of them boxes. 524 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,760 Gotta be honest, man. I'm not sure I can do this. 525 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:55,200 You and me, grab an ear each, it'll be grand. 526 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:59,200 He looks a bit surprised. Course he looks fucking surprised. 527 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,200 So would you if you had your head ripped off your shoulders. 528 00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:06,320 Ooh, fuck me. Smells of mackerel, doesn't it? Yeah, that's the blood. 529 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:09,320 Or there's every chance he had mackerel for his tea. 530 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:16,080 Oh, dude. Ugh! Whoa. Have you got him? Yeah. Have you got him? 531 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,240 Fucking hell! 532 00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:22,080 That was you, thatYou didn't stop it rolling. Brilliant, dickhead. 533 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:25,280 You could have broken his nose. How the fuck are you two doing? 534 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,560 Having a nice afternoon? Why take it? What you gonna do with it? 535 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:30,880 What the fuck do you suggest I do? Leave it here? 536 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:34,600 I think a severed head might raise a few questions, don't you, Dyldo? 537 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,840 You grab that way. I'll grab this way.Right. 538 00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:44,840 Shit. Cyclist. Where? 539 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:46,880 Cyclist, coming fast. 540 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,880 Shut the door.Afternoon.You all right, mate? 541 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,400 Fuck me. 542 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,840 We brought a woman into the country illegally and now she's dead. 543 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:10,480 If we go to the police they'll ask some seriously awkward questions. 544 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,320 Can't we just bury her at sea? Shut up. Poor Grammy. 545 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,920 How I see it, right, we've got two options. 546 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:17,760 No, three. 547 00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:19,040 No, four. 548 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,080 Oh, for God's sake, Tommo! All right. 549 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:25,440 Option A, we go to the fuzz, tell them exactly what happened and let the chips fall where they may. 550 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,960 Do you speak the French? Oui. Any more than oui? 551 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:29,560 Es-tu trempe. 552 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:32,600 What's that? It roughly translates to "Are you moist?" 553 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:35,680 Well, that's gonna come in handy, innit Right, B. 554 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,000 Option B. We arrange for a speedy funeral. Dignified service, 555 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:42,360 bang her in the oven, on we go like nothing ever happened. Oven? 556 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:47,080 Oven or grave. Oven's more environmentally friendly. So you can organise a swift funeral 557 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,320 in a foreign country that we can afford 558 00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:52,760 I can speak to Gary at Abracadaver, see if he's got any French connections. 559 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,720 Gay undertaker - there must be a website or WhatsApp group. 560 00:31:55,760 --> 00:32:00,240 C.Option C would be my favoured option. Being? 561 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:04,320 We get the booze, we get the gear, mission accomplished. And then... 562 00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,560 ...we hide your granny somewhere discreet. 563 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,200 Fucking hide her? Look, just think about it. 564 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:13,720 We go back, get her passport, come back here. 565 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,600 Then we reveal she's dead. 566 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,480 Voila. No-one goes to prison. 567 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,040 Where are you gonna hide her, Tommo? In a field? In a telephone box? 568 00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:24,720 In a fucking roll of carpet? Obviously not cos they're terrible options. 569 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:26,920 Well, the carpet might work, I suppose. 570 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,800 You killed her, you prick, and now you want to stuff her in a field 571 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:33,680 and fill the caravan full of drink. I specifically said no to the field. 572 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,520 Look, in case you've forgotten, 573 00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:38,800 we brought an undocumented woman into the country, right? 574 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,840 All of us. Joint enterprise. 575 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,080 QED, we are all in the shit together. 576 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:47,200 You're not fucking hiding her! Fine, what's your big plan? 577 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,360 Right, brought supplies. 578 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,880 How can you eat at a time like this?! 579 00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,760 Get off! Oi. Eager beaver. 580 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:59,680 Carol, nothing's gonna bring your gran back. I'm sorry, OK? 581 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,800 But I say we get on with the trip, we... 582 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,960 make the most of the... beautiful weather. 583 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:09,480 Yeah? We pick the booze up, we get... the sweeties. 584 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,480 And then we make a plan when we're on the road, yeah? 585 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,320 Eugh! Quick, quick, quick, quick. 586 00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,960 It wasn't S light spanking. 587 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,760 What's that? Like strangulation? No. 588 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,480 Face sitting? No. 589 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,600 Nothing poo-related? Oh, no, no, no. 590 00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:32,040 Where's the fucking caravan? Where is it? 591 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,560 Feck the caravan, someone's nicked Grammy! 592 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,800 Arrrhhh! 593 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,960 His words, his exact words, were, "Get him back safe." 594 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,400 Not just his head. Not just his fucking bonce. 595 00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:55,800 He wanted to have a word with him. "Come for a nice day out," he said. 596 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:57,840 Smoke a spliff, a few tunes. 597 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,160 And what have I done? I shot a peacock... 598 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,840 ...and I'm sat next to a box with a head in it. 599 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,760 It's like Se7en. 600 00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,240 It's my gran, she's just gone. 601 00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:15,360 It was probably her heart, you know. Black old heart on her. 602 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:19,960 Always smoking cigarettes. Fuck! That's what we tell him. That's what we tell Terence. 603 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:24,720 What, that he got trapped in the seat of a caravan? No. Fucking ring Gary at Abracadaver. 604 00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,760 Tell him we're coming over and it's urgent. Fucking go on. 605 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:32,280 That's it, like, we have to tell the police.Yeah... Ah, mm, yes. 606 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:36,680 I er... I agree and er... ..I understand your logic but... 607 00:34:36,720 --> 00:34:39,600 er... before we go down that particular... avenue, 608 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:43,320 there might be a few matters it would be prudent for you know about. 609 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,800 Like what? Well, A, 610 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,640 that wasn't exactly my caravan. 611 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:51,960 When you say not exactly... Well, you know, er, not at all. 612 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,520 It was nicked from outside a dog kennels in Keighley. 613 00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:59,240 B? B. I don't actually have a driver's license, so we can't say I was behind the wheel, 614 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:03,280 which is a problem if they check the security footage in Calais and er... 615 00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,520 C... There's a C. There's a fucking C. 616 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:09,280 C, I have a criminal record in France due to an incident several years ago 617 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:13,160 involving two exchange students and a glory hole in a Paris cinema bathroom. 618 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:15,520 Jesus Christ, Tommo! What's a glory hole? 619 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,600 It's a hole you put your -Cardi. What? 620 00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,120 It... it's... it's for sweets. 621 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,680 You all seem to be forgetting that my grammy... 622 00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:26,360 The racist... is dead and AWOL. 623 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,200 What if we never see her again?'Ey, 'ey, 'ey. Look, look. 624 00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:31,200 We've saved money on t'funeral. 625 00:35:31,240 --> 00:35:33,000 Right, that's it! Wh... 626 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,200 Who wants to make a porno?! 627 00:35:36,240 --> 00:35:39,440 Anyone?! Anyone want to fuck?! She's in shock and grief. 628 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,760 Live sex with me! And soon, Eager Beavers 23.What? 629 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:45,640 Carol! 630 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:47,680 Are we on holiday now? 631 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:53,880 What do you want me to do? It's like you've been using it as a fucking pinata. 632 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:57,040 Superficial, innit, man of your skills, Gary. Then what? 633 00:35:57,080 --> 00:36:00,680 Where's the rest of him? Fucking hell, that's where the big favour comes in 634 00:36:00,720 --> 00:36:03,600 cos we've lost him. You've lost him. Yeah. Well, no, no. 635 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:06,240 He got stolen, to be fair. It's a fucking long story. 636 00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,280 The good news is we do have the head. 637 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:11,360 So I say we stitch that head onto another body. 638 00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:14,960 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sew that head onto another body? Yeah. 639 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:17,360 I mean, dude, you must have some lying around. 640 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:19,280 Yeah, I have, but oddly enough, Vin, 641 00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,840 the bodies are still attached to the head. They're intact. All right. 642 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:26,000 So, let's just say, for argument's sake, 643 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:29,880 one of them heads was to fall off that body, right? 644 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:33,480 And then we get that head and stitch it onto that body 645 00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,920 and borrow it for like two fucking hours. Is that deeply unethical? 646 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:42,360 Yes. Utterly contemptible, unthinkable, undignified. 647 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,400 300 quid.Done.Sick. 648 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:48,560 All right, so... we've got sort of a fat fella. 649 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,080 And er... like a thin woman. 650 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,120 And... 651 00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:58,200 ...a black lad. 652 00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:01,800 So there's no perfect match. 653 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:06,520 All right, one of yous has to catch it. 654 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,880 Dyl? No fucking chance. 655 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,160 My gran died earlier today. 656 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:15,120 Fuck, dude. I've been fucking lifting his head all day long. 657 00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,440 Quickly, now. This is fucked. 658 00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:21,000 Oh, dude! Fuck! 659 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,000 Fuck me! It went in my fucking mouth! 660 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:27,280 How am I supposed to know where it's gonna spray? It's not my fault. 661 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,640 I'm doing you a favour! Fucking hell, why's his dick out? 662 00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:33,000 Because he's dead! "Why is his dick out?" 663 00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,560 What do you want? Shorts? Yeah, some short something. 664 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:39,320 Bit of dignity for t'poor lad. Just hold his head! Jesus Christ, dude. 665 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,920 It's fucking... It's like he's staring at me dude, all limp. 666 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:46,080 Why does it smell of burnt dog meat? It's fucking horrible. 667 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,600 Why's it smell like that? You get used to it, OK? 668 00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:52,120 And, to be honest, I find it quite relaxing. Hold his head! Ugh! 669 00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,160 Eugh! 670 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,280 Right, here we go! Oh, fucking... Jesus! 671 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,840 Eugh! Whoa! Here we go! 672 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,440 Ugh! Eughhh! 673 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,200 Eugh! Eugh! Eugh! 674 00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:10,840 Eugh! Eugh! Arhhh! 675 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:13,480 Fuck! Just get me the other one! 676 00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,520 Fuck. Ugh! Ugh! 677 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:18,920 Oh. I don't know if we're gonna have enough neck here to stitch it on. 678 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:20,760 Ugh! Ugh! 679 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:22,840 We're gonna have to put a scarf on him. 680 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:27,720 Here we go. There we are. Two o'clock. 681 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,440 T-two o'clock? 682 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,480 Ahead and right a bit. 683 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,520 What are you saying two o'clock for? Like on a clock. 684 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,320 Fucking hell. Him there, dickhead, 685 00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:42,040 with the beard and the bloody terrible sandals. 686 00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,000 Keys straight in his jacket pocket 687 00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,040 Go on. Off you pop. 688 00:38:46,720 --> 00:38:48,720 Go on. 689 00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,440 Oh! Sorry, sorry. Pardon, pardon. 690 00:38:56,480 --> 00:39:00,440 Er, yeah. No, I'm fine, I'm grand. S-sorry. Sorry. 691 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,720 Ah, success. 692 00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:06,720 Right, where is it? 693 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:09,800 Where have you parked, 694 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,720 you sandal-wearing prick? 695 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:27,880 You have got to be shitting me. 696 00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,280 How are we all gonna fit in that? We've got no choice. Get in. 697 00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,160 Fingers? You've got it? 698 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:43,000 You, sir, are the Inspector Morse of minge. 699 00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:45,760 I spoke to Fingers. 700 00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,600 Am I or am I not a genius? 701 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:03,080 # I'm waiting for my man 702 00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:11,040 # 26 dollars in my hand... # 703 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:18,800 Shit, that's him. Right, just let me do all t'talking, yeah? 704 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:22,200 Mr McCann. 705 00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:24,920 Where is he? He's in the back of the van. 706 00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:26,960 I wanna see him. Yeah, he's er... 707 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,320 He just started panicking on the way here. 708 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,440 Fucking hyperventilating and that. 709 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,760 I think he's had a heart attack, you know. 710 00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:37,480 Open up then. 711 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:40,400 Go on. 712 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,360 He said he'd put on some weight. It's probably stress. 713 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,400 It was very quick. 714 00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:56,760 You bastard. 715 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:01,560 Cheated my fucking wrath with death, you cunt. 716 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,480 This your fucking way out, is it? Eh? 717 00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,520 This your fucking escape route? 718 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,680 See that face? Face of a traitor. 719 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:20,880 Face of a man who tried to fucking cheat his fucking paymaster. 720 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:38,800 These the dolls? 721 00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:41,800 Ha! 722 00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:43,840 The girls are gonna love these. 723 00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:45,360 Get rid of him. 724 00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,640 I've weed myself a little bit. 725 00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:01,880 Oh. 726 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,000 Um... 727 00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:10,400 Er, I need a pee. 728 00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:13,360 Yep. I'll er... just pull over. 729 00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:16,520 # La fille du coupeur de joints 730 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,240 # La fille du coupeur de joints... # 731 00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:25,680 Right, dead quick. Come on. 732 00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:28,520 Carol, smell that smell there? 733 00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:30,560 No! 734 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,120 Oh. Is that a dog lead? 735 00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:35,160 Oi! Eyes off, you. 736 00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:38,840 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 737 00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:40,880 Oh, Christ. 738 00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:42,920 That... 739 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:46,680 That's... That is worse than spanking! Carol! 740 00:42:46,720 --> 00:42:49,000 Carol! 741 00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:51,040 Oh, shit! Dude, the car. 742 00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:56,320 The car's... I spy with my little eye, 743 00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,880 something beginning with F. 744 00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:01,600 Oh, shit. 745 00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:08,440 All right, Vin, how's it going? Yeah, good, thanks, yeah. How's the trip? 746 00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:11,240 Great, thanks. Just having a nice day out. 747 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,000 Yeah, same. 748 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:18,400 Lovely day out. Hm! 749 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:23,960 Grammy! 750 00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:29,040 Fuck. 751 00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:51,160 Ready? Ready, yeah. Whoa! 752 00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:53,960 Wow, that's a gasper, isn't it? 753 00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,040 That is a bad boy. Hell's teeth. 754 00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:00,760 Right. I'll be back in a sec. 755 00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:06,000 What a phallus. Huh! 756 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,840 Oh, God. What about the itching though? 757 00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:12,800 Crabs? Crabs, yeah.