1 00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:14,805 I love you, Karen, and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life 2 00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:16,515 annoying the shit out of you. 3 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,934 - (Giggles) - Will you marry me, Karen? 4 00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:22,271 - You guys are officially back together? - For now. Until we fuck it up. 5 00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:23,355 Could be any second now. 6 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:27,985 You gonna shitcan 15 years' experience cos a guy messes up one time? 7 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,069 (Moaning) 8 00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,154 Aah! 9 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,572 You got fired? 10 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:32,906 - Charlie Runkle. - Daisy. 11 00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:35,993 I've been trying to get a frigging meeting with Ronny Praeger. 12 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,704 - He's like the Spielberg of porn. - I'll see what I can do. 13 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:41,874 That is so awesome! And don't worry. I will blow you. 14 00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,917 No, we're gonna keep this strictly business. 15 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,753 I'm king of fuck mountain! 16 00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:47,296 It's not a memoir. 17 00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:49,840 It's a written account of my sexual relationship with you. 18 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,176 Written by me as a fucking novel. 19 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,969 - Lew Ashby. - Hank Moody. 20 00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:57,931 I got this book deal. Wanna write about why everything I touch turns to gold. 21 00:00:57,974 --> 00:00:59,433 - Aah! - (Chuckling) 22 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,935 Oh, no! You didn't! 23 00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:06,190 Lew! 24 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,483 Where you headed? 25 00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:10,110 I'm taking Fucking And Punching all over this fair country of ours. 26 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:13,072 - Mothers, lock up your sons. - And husbands. 27 00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,867 - We made a huge mistake. - No. 28 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:21,330 I jumped in the car with you that night, and we just tried to pick up where we left off. 29 00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:22,998 I can't stay. 30 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,793 It's OK, Dad. It was nice while it lasted. 31 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,004 I wanna get a divorce. I'm gonna be with Daisy. 32 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,340 - You fucked my man. - Aah! 33 00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,509 (Glass shatters, screaming) 34 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:36,512 - Maybe we should take a break. - I just left my wife for you! 35 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:38,055 You said I could have everything. 36 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:41,683 But don't worry your pretty little head about it. We'll let my lawyer figure it out. 37 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:43,769 He's really good. Later, Runkle. 38 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,356 - That's him. - Him who? 39 00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:49,525 - What do you want? - I'm here to see Becca Moody. 40 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:51,652 I got a job. It's in New York. 41 00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:54,822 I think you should come. I can't live without this. 42 00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:57,157 I feel kind of bad splitting them up right now. 43 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:01,703 Well, then don't. You go, I stay. At the end of the day, it's all about her. 44 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:03,580 I wish you hadn't just said all that. 45 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:07,292 - Why? - Cos it just makes me love you even more. 46 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,385 (Woman moaning) 47 00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:23,142 (Snoring) 48 00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:27,020 - Hank? - Mm. 49 00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:29,022 Hank. 50 00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:31,024 - (Stammers) - Hank. 51 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:33,068 Yep. Present. 52 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,488 - Did you just... - No. 53 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,532 - You did! - Not me. I did not. 54 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:39,867 Hank... 55 00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:43,787 (Groans) Well, maybe for a second. 56 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,248 - Jesus Christ! - No, don't... don't be cross. 57 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:49,543 - You fell asleep. - I dozed. Barely. 58 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:51,295 - Inside of me. - Maybe. For a second. 59 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:54,256 Now, it does not reflect poorly on you. 60 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:57,384 Or your vagina. It's a lovely vagina. 61 00:02:57,427 --> 00:03:02,389 It's warm and cosy... inviting, capacious, yet accommodating. 62 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,850 It's cheeky but not impudent, you know what I'm saying? 63 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:09,104 - It's a lovely place to curl up inside. - And go to sleep. 64 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:12,357 - Great. God, where's my fucking clothes? - Not so fast. 65 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,736 Look, I may be tired, but I'm also incredibly hard right now. 66 00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,946 (Grunts) You feel that? 67 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:20,240 (Hoarsely) I just flexed my cock muscle. 68 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:21,658 That's pretty cool, huh? 69 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,578 Flexing it again and again and again. 70 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:27,664 - (Sighs) - Where's the harm in a few winks? 71 00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:30,959 You know, single dadness is not as easy as it looks. 72 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:35,214 I gotta be up way early to make the morning meal and get the kid to school. 73 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,883 Then I gotta come home and wrestle with the blank page. 74 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,384 You know, and before you know it, 75 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:42,387 it's time to get back in that fucking pickup line all over again. 76 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,265 - Ever hear of carpooling? - And then I gotta... I gotta... 77 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:48,143 I gotta make some kind of vaguely healthy evening meal. 78 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:52,314 I gotta monitor her computer and texting activity. It's fucking exhausting. 79 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:55,567 I mean, I barely even have time to get loaded any more. 80 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,945 (Door slams) 81 00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:01,198 Excuse me. 82 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:05,494 - Was that... - No, you're wrong. 83 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:08,330 - But... - You're wrong. Move on. 84 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:12,876 I thought you were all about keeping yourself pure for Mom. 85 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,796 She's a friend. You know? We were doing friend-like stuff. 86 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,798 Practically napping. 87 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:22,386 Hey... Good for you. I'm not judging. 88 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:26,306 Mom's certainly not keeping herself pure for you. 89 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:29,977 - What? - Nothing. Move on. 90 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,897 Why are you guys even here? You're supposed to be at the movies. 91 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,483 - We walked out. - It was so fucking lame, Hank. 92 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:39,569 Hank? Really? 93 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,780 Uh-uh. It's Mr Moody to you, little missy. 94 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,324 Mr Moody. 95 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,919 Wait a second. You guys are stoned! 96 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,463 - Dad, please! - Tell me where you got the weed. 97 00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:00,841 I will kill the motherfucker. Tell me. 98 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,802 - In your typewriter. - I knew it! 99 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,013 Damn it. 100 00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:09,558 - (Sniggers) - All right. Shit. Gimme what you got. 101 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,436 Fork it over. Everything. I'm gonna weigh that. 102 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:20,819 No, no. Hold on, ladies. I'm not done with you. 103 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:24,948 Now, look, hey, I am very well aware that I don't always set the best example, 104 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,993 but you guys are entirely too young to be messing around with this stuff. 105 00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:32,581 You know, it's true what they say about pot. It's very much a gateway drug. 106 00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,708 It can be a gateway to some pretty cool things. 107 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:38,253 But it can also lead to poverty, despair, stunted adolescence, man-breasts. 108 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,380 (Both sniggering) 109 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,466 You think that's funny? 110 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,347 Oh, go on, get outta here. Both of you. 111 00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:50,223 To be continued, young lady. 112 00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:52,559 (Laughter continues) 113 00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:54,770 Oh... 114 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:21,022 - What up, chocolate sweetness? - Who are you here to see? 115 00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:23,233 - Runkle. - Whose uncle? 116 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,861 Runkle. Charlie Runkle. 117 00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:27,946 Oh, the cute little bald guy. 118 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:31,366 Just so's you know, not a pose that inspires confidence 119 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:32,909 in your one and only client. 120 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,829 It's this goddamn economy, Hank. 121 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,248 You can't blame everything on the economy, douchebag. 122 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:42,169 No? Can I blame it for the fact that no one wants to publish your book? 123 00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,212 Nonsense. People love me. 124 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,298 No one, Hank. Not a soul. 125 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:49,009 - What the fuck, Runkle? - I don't know. 126 00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:53,096 I been collecting passes all morning. It's too long. It's too self-indulgent. 127 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,307 It's too hateful, too misogynistic. 128 00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:58,810 - It's too soft. It's too mean-spirited. - Like those are bad things? 129 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:01,938 I can't believe I'm saying this out loud, but what about the studios? 130 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,648 Nope. They're not biting either. 131 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:06,818 Hollywood doesn't want something else from the unrepentant asshole 132 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,196 that brought you Crazy Little Thing Called Love One... 133 00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,405 - Hank. ...and Dos? 134 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,908 Hank, I told you to play nice, didn't I? 135 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,993 I told you not to fuck the director's wife. 136 00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:17,871 I told you not to leave a burning bag of your own faeces 137 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,999 - on the producer's doorstep. - That still cracks me up. 138 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,376 That's a big fucking bummer, Charlie. 139 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,921 I could really use an influx of cashish right about now. 140 00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:28,173 The money from the Ashby book only went so far. 141 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,258 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get in line, asshole. 142 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:33,220 I was kinda looking forward to the new Hank Moody book too, you know? 143 00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:35,305 (Woman) What do you mean, he wants to reschedule? 144 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,850 Tell him I'll gnaw off his thimble dick and feed it to my cats! 145 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,853 Ah, Runkle, quit beating your meat. 146 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,980 Never gets old, Sue. 147 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,483 Hank Moody, my boss, Sue Collini. 148 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,111 Oh. Pleasure to have you at the Harry Greenberg Agency, Hank. 149 00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:52,989 The pleasure is all mine. Obviously. 150 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,116 Ah, your man Runkle... 151 00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:57,702 Now when you talk about a cock of the walk, huh... 152 00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,412 - Really? - (Laughs) 153 00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:02,165 I mean, this guy's a stud! And his head... Oh, uhh! 154 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,961 It just makes you wanna give it a big lick and see what comes out of it. 155 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:09,047 - Please don't. - Of course not. It would be inappropriate. 156 00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:14,052 Meet me for a drink later. 157 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:17,764 Uh, actually, I'm supposed to do something with Hank here. 158 00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:22,060 - Me? I don't think we have any plans. - Yeah, I think we do. 159 00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:25,313 No, I'm... pretty sure we don't. 160 00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:28,775 Excellent. I'm all yours, Sue. 161 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:32,445 Right. Better lay down those carbs, Runkle. 162 00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,739 We're goin' deep. 163 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,200 Collini... out. 164 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:40,453 What fresh hell is this? 165 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,124 (School bell) 166 00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:47,460 - Hey. It's Rip van Winkle. - Oh, hey! 167 00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:49,421 I think we should give it another shot. 168 00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:52,007 You know, I took a nap. I'm fresh as a fucking daisy. 169 00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:54,801 - (English accent) Becca's dad, right? - Yikes. 170 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,304 It depends on what she's done to raise your ire. 171 00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:59,514 Becca? Oh, no, Becca's adorable. 172 00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:01,308 It's her father I have an issue with. 173 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,435 Oh, well, take a number and get in line. 174 00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:06,104 I'll tell him you're waiting. If I see him, of course. 175 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,690 Felicia Koons. Chelsea's mum? 176 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,692 Oh, boy. 177 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,736 Howdy. Hank Moody. 178 00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:16,615 Yeah. So I guess I was wondering why my daughter came home stoned last night. 179 00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:20,285 - Are you sure she was stoned? - I know a stoned teenager when I see one. 180 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:24,706 - I'm a college professor. - Shit. I guess the jig is up. 181 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,958 You know, far be it from me to pass judgment 182 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:29,377 on your... recreational activities, 183 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:32,922 but maybe you should make your dope a little less accessible? 184 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:37,052 I mean, what else do I have to worry about? Do you have guns in the house too? 185 00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:38,887 Yes, I do, but I keep 'em in the freezer. 186 00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:40,430 Right next to the heroin. 187 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:46,186 You know, you're absolutely right. I fucked up. I won't do it again. I get it. 188 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:48,730 That shit's just for my glaucoma anyway, you know? 189 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:51,316 - Father. - Hey, speak of the she-devils. 190 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,943 - Can I go over to Chelsea's? - Well... 191 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,695 That would depend on Chelsea 192 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,365 and her lovely, "far too young to be a mother" here. 193 00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:01,409 - Mom? - Hmm? Uh... Sure. Why not? 194 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,869 - Pick her up later. - OK. 195 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:05,413 Actually, stay for dinner. We're having people over. 196 00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,248 No. I don't play well with others. 197 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:11,336 - It wouldn't turn out well for anybody. - It's true, he doesn't. 198 00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:14,798 Look, if we're going to be bailing these two out of jail every now and again, 199 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,217 we may as well get to know each other a little better. 200 00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,719 So be there. Keep the weed at home. 201 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,472 Sure thing, Teach. 202 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:30,188 And that brings us to the issue of the house. 203 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,941 - I just want my fair share. - Mm-hm. 204 00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:37,487 It's been sitting on the market for months now, Charlie. It's not selling. 205 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,365 Maybe if you weren't too busy bringing every unemployed actor in LA 206 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:44,119 with a cougar fetish back to my house, you could focus on getting it sold. 207 00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:47,414 First... it's our house. 208 00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,833 And second, if you weren't too busy 209 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:53,962 trying to shove your angry inch into every damage case that crosses your path, 210 00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:56,339 we wouldn't even be in this mess to begin with. 211 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,299 Can I get a fucking amen? 212 00:11:58,342 --> 00:12:00,218 Unce, unce! 213 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,345 Look, all I'm saying is... 214 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:05,432 I can't afford to keep paying rent and mortgage at the same time. 215 00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:07,517 He's hiding money somewhere. I know it! 216 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,604 There's nothing to hide! She snorted it all! 217 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:15,358 - You're working as an agent again! - I'm working on commission! 218 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:18,403 Really? That's pathetic, Charlie. 219 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:21,948 Agreed. It's the only way I could get back in the business, OK? 220 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:25,452 It's not like the top five were rolling out the red carpet for me. 221 00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:27,746 Hmm. I wonder why. 222 00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:30,999 Oh, that's right. They were probably afraid you'd jerk off all over it. 223 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,584 (Snorts, sniggers) 224 00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:36,087 You know what? Have it your way, OK? 225 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,964 I'll just... I'll move back in. 226 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,091 - Hells no! - What? You said so yourself. 227 00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:44,012 It's our house. My name's on the mortgage too. You know? 228 00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:46,347 That can't be right. Tell him, Marv! 229 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,600 What can I say? 230 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:51,269 It's perfectly within his rights. 231 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:54,773 Oh! Yes! Finally! I win! Uhh! 232 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,205 (Tyres screech) 233 00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:14,167 (Honking) 234 00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:18,087 (Honk honk) 235 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,800 - Asshole. - Hey. 236 00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:24,719 Saving the planet doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. 237 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:26,387 - Fuck you! - Fuck me? 238 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:28,348 Yeah, that's right. Fuck you! 239 00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,517 - Live strong, asshole. - Aah! 240 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:31,601 (Tyres squealing) 241 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,061 (Grunts) 242 00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:53,498 - Hello? - Oh! Hank Moody. 243 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,625 Hello. 244 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,753 I'd like to introduce you to Richard Bates, the writer. 245 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:02,173 - Richard Bates. Wow. - He's going to be teaching here this year. 246 00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:04,259 - It's a huge coup for us. - Big fan. 247 00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:08,429 - I just feel a slight man crush coming on. - Well, thank you, aren't you kind? 248 00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:11,641 - This is my TA. - Jill Robinson. Nice to meet ya. 249 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,435 Jill, the pleasure is all yours. Or mine. 250 00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:16,020 OK, ours. 251 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:20,650 Hank is quite the accomplished novelist in his own right. 252 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:24,946 - That's right. I googled you. - Mm. I feel pleasantly violated. 253 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:27,991 So you were just gonna... show me to the little girls' room. 254 00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:30,159 Oh, sure thing. Follow me. 255 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,120 - Tinkle, tinkle. - Right this way. 256 00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:34,914 Drink with me. I insist. 257 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,749 - Oh, no, thank you. - No, no, please. 258 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,085 - No, I'm fine. - Oh... 259 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,670 Crack The Sky was a big deal for me. 260 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,339 I felt like I was climbing Kilimanjaro with you. 261 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:47,093 Gave me a huge writing boner. Come on. Please? 262 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,596 Pretty please? 263 00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,810 To the blank page. 264 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,732 Mm. 265 00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:02,650 (Grunts) 266 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,326 Oh! 267 00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:15,622 - Wow. That was something. - It sure was. 268 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:19,375 Haven't touched the stuff since Slick Willy was in the White House. 269 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,210 - Fuck me. - Yes. 270 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,838 - Now pour me another. - Oh, no, no. The bar just closed. 271 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,798 One was an honour, but I'm cutting you off. 272 00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:28,718 Give me the fucking bottle, bush league, before they come back. 273 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:29,969 - Mm-mm. - Give... 274 00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,679 - No. No. - Give me the bottle. 275 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:33,431 - Mm-mm. No. Uh-uh. - Come here! 276 00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:36,392 (Hoarsely) My balls. Oh, shit. 277 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,312 - Thank you. - (Jill) Don't say anything. 278 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:43,483 (Gasps) Oh! Oh, my goodness. 279 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,485 Whose piece of shit Porsche is that? 280 00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,904 - Stacy, what happened? - Oh, you wouldn't believe it. 281 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:52,367 - Some fucking asshole... - Well... It's actually kind of a classic. 282 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,827 - I just... - Stacy, this is Becca's father. 283 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,537 Hank Moody, the writer. 284 00:15:56,580 --> 00:16:00,083 Stacy, I do believe I can see the outline of your cock. 285 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:03,920 It looks like you've got yourself a nice big fire helmet down there. 286 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,130 I'm more of an anteater myself. 287 00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:08,341 Enhances sensitivity. 288 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,593 Shall we dine? 289 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,352 Times are tough, Runkle. 290 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:23,815 I need you to sign motherfuckers and put them to work. 291 00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:26,359 That's what I want. That's what you promised me. 292 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:29,696 Absolutely. You're right, Sue. You can count on me. 293 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:33,157 I stepped away from the game for a little while, but I am back now. 294 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,284 - I'm just a little rusty. - Rusty. 295 00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:38,287 You mean like a trombone? Hey, anybody ever give you one of those? 296 00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:40,832 I... don't believe so. 297 00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:43,584 Trust me, you'd remember. 298 00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:46,212 Anilingus... with a tug job. 299 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,548 Ought to try it. 300 00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,009 What's your favourite position? 301 00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,177 - Sexually? - Yeah. 302 00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:57,849 - I don't see how that's at all relevant... - Yeah. I like a stand-up 69. 303 00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:01,602 - You ever try it? - That sounds... challenging. 304 00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:05,481 Exactly! Which is why you end up coming like a baby gorilla. 305 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:10,403 So what's your take on interoffice romance, huh? 306 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:14,699 (Laughs) I appreciate the interest, Sue. Really, I do. 307 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:17,493 But I am right in the middle of a nasty divorce. 308 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:20,997 I'm what they call emotionally unavailable. 309 00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:22,623 Emotions? 310 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,500 Who needs emotions? 311 00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:28,254 I'm thinking about your tube steak. Is that unavailable too? 312 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,173 - Ah! - Oh, ho, ho! 313 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,884 Oh, you can play hard to get all you like, Runkle. 314 00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,094 Whatever makes you wet. 315 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,264 But Sue Collini always gets the wienie. 316 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,433 Always. 317 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,019 Bottoms up, cowboy. 318 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,355 Right of way or not, you were definitely hogging the road. 319 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:49,484 - You flicked your cigarette at me. - Sure. But you gave me the finger. 320 00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:52,487 That got my Irish up. That was downright antisocial of you. 321 00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:54,739 Yes. But you were honking your horn repeatedly. 322 00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:57,658 Which brings us back full circle to the fact that you were hogging the road. 323 00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,786 - I'm just sayin'... - I had the right of way. 324 00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:01,496 - Who says? - State of California. 325 00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:03,164 - I don't agree. - He doesn't agree. 326 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,583 - I don't agree. - Can we change the subject, please? 327 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,628 I... I'm fine with that. I mean, I've already moved on. 328 00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:10,630 And I won't hold any grudges. I'm cool. 329 00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:14,550 - Hate the game... not the playah. - I'll drink to that. 330 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:19,680 - Unbelievable. - Uh... can we be excused? 331 00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:23,935 - Please. I insist. - Hey, ladies, no Mary Jane. 332 00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:28,648 I'm serious. Try me. I'm like a drug-sniffing dog with a hard-on for justice. 333 00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,399 - Yeah. Hey... - (Becca) Father. 334 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,361 - Now get outta here. - Jesus. 335 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,863 OK, I'm gonna throw this out to the table. 336 00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:39,659 What are you guys thinking, gay, bi-curious, huh? What? 337 00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:42,787 What is wrong with you? 338 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:46,415 What? I'm the asshole just because I say what's on everybody's mind? 339 00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:49,377 - It never occurred to me. - Actually, me neither. 340 00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:52,880 - I can't really say I see it myself. - Oh. 341 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:56,592 Little girls... in pretty boxes. 342 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,052 (Tutting) 343 00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:00,888 Well, I'm not afraid to put it out there, you know? 344 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,224 And if my daughter decides she's a gay, 345 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,893 I cannot think of a nicer gal that she can, 346 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:08,187 you know, indulge her Sapphic tendencies with. 347 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:12,316 - That's vaguely sweet, I think. - Yes. Vaguely nauseating. 348 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,443 Where is the boom-boom room? 349 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:18,072 It's just down the hall, Richard, to your left. 350 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:21,534 - (Clears throat) - Good squash. 351 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,787 Ten years' sobriety, down the drain. Nice job. 352 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,456 How is he gonna get up in front of a class? 353 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:30,126 - Well, you know what they say. - No, what do they say, Hank? 354 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:35,506 You really have to want to quit. You gotta... hit rock bottom. 355 00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:38,676 Can I have a word with you, dear? 356 00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,970 Sure, darling. 357 00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:46,642 So what's your story, morning glory? 358 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,395 (Chuckles) 359 00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:54,066 - I'm... 33. - Perfect. 360 00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:56,903 - I'm getting my PhD on... - Perfect. 361 00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:59,488 - English lit. I love to read. - Oh! 362 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:02,325 That's my drug of choice, the written word. 363 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:05,786 And, uh... I just ended a five-year relationship 364 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,705 that yielded me a big, fat nothing. 365 00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:10,708 Not to make it sound like a cold, hard business deal, but... 366 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,878 - Mm. - Whatever. (Clears throat) 367 00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:16,172 And my 20s went by like a warm summer day, 368 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:19,800 and now my uterus is deteriorating with every breath. 369 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:23,304 So, yeah, I see it all. You're handsome and you're funny and... 370 00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:26,807 really, unless you're a serious prospect, 371 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,101 do not so much as smile at me. 372 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,354 Really, truly. Don't try to charm me. 373 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,481 It would just be a heinous crime 374 00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:36,025 against the other sex, given this full disclosure. 375 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,860 (Indistinct voices) 376 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:41,113 - And... I'm hard. - (Laughs sadly) 377 00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:46,077 No, please, seriously. You're really dangerous. Please stay away. 378 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:47,620 Um... 379 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:50,831 Let's try again, shall we? 380 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,709 That's mighty white of you, Stace. 381 00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,795 - Stacy. - Stacy. 382 00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:59,674 - Koons, right? - Uh, that's right. 383 00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:04,762 Mm. You're the dean of this fine institute of fancy book learning? 384 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:08,933 - Correct. - Which would make you... Dean Koons? 385 00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,810 (Stacy) I've heard that one before. 386 00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:13,938 Who wants to see me tuck and do the pee-pee dance? 387 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:16,357 - Oh! - (Felicia) Oh, my God. Richard! 388 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:19,235 Come on. I can't be the only one. 389 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:23,197 - And then... just like that... (Snaps fingers) - (Stacy) Where are the girls? 390 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:27,285 He unveiled his beautiful man-pussy. 391 00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:31,038 His glorious... mangina. 392 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,749 Mm... mm... 393 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:38,587 ♪ Meet my peach, baby, blow on my dice 394 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:41,590 ♪ I wanna swing that swing 395 00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:43,801 ♪ Don't you treat me nice 396 00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:46,721 - Richard, let me... - ♪ I'm wild for you 397 00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:50,891 - Let me call you a cab. Let me... - ♪ Sweet baby, I'm a child for you ♪ 398 00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:54,270 - Let's get your clothes. - Why don't you stay in the guest room? 399 00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:56,439 - Stacy. - Yeah. 400 00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:58,816 Have you ever spent time with an 11 -year-old boy 401 00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:01,986 and wanted more from him than he was willing to give? 402 00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:07,241 Have you ever breathed in the scent of a woman's sweaty, unwashed sex and just... 403 00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:11,495 (Inhales) Mm... wanted to bottle and sell it at market? 404 00:22:12,914 --> 00:22:15,791 Have you ever been so drunk on cock 405 00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:17,918 you howled at the moon 406 00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:20,713 and begged for a few inches more? 407 00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:23,507 Ladies? Dean Koons? 408 00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:26,093 All these questions and more will be answered... 409 00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:29,597 (Snaps fingers)... in my new novel. 410 00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:31,474 - Ha! - (Stacy) Let's get you dressed. 411 00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:34,935 First... I wanna go for a swim! 412 00:22:34,978 --> 00:22:37,396 - Arrgh! - Oh! 413 00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:38,481 Whoo! 414 00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:40,191 - (Thud) - (Laughter) 415 00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:42,068 (Hank) Love that guy. 416 00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:43,652 Big fan. 417 00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:47,156 - (Whispers) Big dick. - Wow! 418 00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:49,575 (Laughter) 419 00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:58,876 What do you want, Charlie? I'm watching my stories. 420 00:22:58,919 --> 00:23:00,878 Marcy Ellen Runkle. 421 00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:03,130 I love you. 422 00:23:03,173 --> 00:23:06,509 Oh! Go home, you miserable sack of shit. 423 00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:07,968 Sleep it off! 424 00:23:08,011 --> 00:23:11,097 But this is my home! This! 425 00:23:11,139 --> 00:23:13,140 And you know why? 426 00:23:14,309 --> 00:23:16,894 Because Marcy lives here. 427 00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:19,522 Yeah... she's my home. 428 00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:22,733 - My true west. - North. 429 00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:24,610 - What? - True north. 430 00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:26,737 - That's what they say. - Who? 431 00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:29,824 Oh. What? 432 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:34,078 Hey... Marce... (Clears throat) 433 00:23:34,121 --> 00:23:38,249 Let's give it another shot, hm? What do you say? 434 00:23:38,291 --> 00:23:41,293 - No? - OK, fair enough. 435 00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:44,338 Can I use the bathroom? 436 00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:47,466 (Chuckles) I have to go numero dos, 437 00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:50,886 and I don't know if I'm gonna make it back to Westwood in time. 438 00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:53,013 Make it quick, asshole. 439 00:23:54,391 --> 00:23:56,767 You sure Becca's OK to spend the night? 440 00:23:56,810 --> 00:23:59,728 Yeah. Let her sleep. I'll drop her off in the morning. 441 00:23:59,771 --> 00:24:02,064 But you'll, uh, you'll keep an eye on them? 442 00:24:02,816 --> 00:24:05,234 - Oh, right. For signs of lesbianism. - Mm-hm. 443 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:08,362 Yeah. Will do. I'll be vigilant. 444 00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:12,283 Sorry about the drama tonight. You must think I'm a world-class A-hole. 445 00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:15,244 Hm... Don't know about the world-class. 446 00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:17,705 Yeah, well, thank you. What about Bates? 447 00:24:17,747 --> 00:24:19,748 Is he gonna be able to do his thing? 448 00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:22,668 From rehab? I doubt it. 449 00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:26,464 You wouldn't happen to know of any other bad-boy novelists 450 00:24:26,506 --> 00:24:28,799 looking for a teaching gig, would you? 451 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:33,429 I don't know. I will, uh, bring it up at the next union meeting. 452 00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:36,182 - Good night. - Night. 453 00:24:36,224 --> 00:24:38,476 (Car alarm beeps) 454 00:24:39,936 --> 00:24:42,229 Where are you headed? 455 00:24:43,523 --> 00:24:45,524 Just home to the cats. 456 00:24:45,567 --> 00:24:47,401 Sounds hot. 457 00:24:49,237 --> 00:24:51,363 - How 'bout a libation? - Oh! 458 00:24:51,406 --> 00:24:53,866 Like that could possibly end well. 459 00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,035 Oh, look at you with the foresight and all. 460 00:24:56,077 --> 00:24:58,496 - Well played, lady. - Thanks. 461 00:24:58,538 --> 00:25:02,041 Good night, Mr Moody. 'Twas a pleasure meeting you. 462 00:25:02,083 --> 00:25:05,753 Good night, psycho. Take good care of that uterus. 463 00:25:20,393 --> 00:25:22,353 - (Knocking) - (Marcy) Oh, my God, Charlie. 464 00:25:22,395 --> 00:25:25,397 - What are you doing in there? - It's my IBS! 465 00:25:25,482 --> 00:25:28,859 You know how it kicks in in times of extreme duress. 466 00:25:28,902 --> 00:25:32,279 Well, this is one of those times! 467 00:25:35,283 --> 00:25:36,659 - (Hiss) - Aah! 468 00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:38,577 (Screaming) 469 00:25:42,666 --> 00:25:45,543 All right. It's all right. 470 00:25:45,585 --> 00:25:49,171 - (Sobbing) - Miserable slob. 471 00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:52,925 Guest room. Go. 472 00:25:58,932 --> 00:26:02,726 - What up, lady fair? - (Karen) Hank, it's late. 473 00:26:02,769 --> 00:26:05,187 And yet you don't sound even remotely sleepy. 474 00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:08,566 - Burning the midnight oil? - Something like that. 475 00:26:08,608 --> 00:26:11,485 I get it. Big date, huh? 476 00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:14,405 - I'm not sure how big it was. - Gross. 477 00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:18,742 Bad breath. HOB. 478 00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:22,204 - HOB? - Hair On Back. 479 00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:24,373 Oh. Well, now I'm starting to feel better. 480 00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:28,502 - What about you? - What about me? 481 00:26:28,545 --> 00:26:31,297 Our monkey in the middle said something about 482 00:26:31,339 --> 00:26:33,841 crossing paths with a friend of yours. 483 00:26:33,883 --> 00:26:36,260 Oh, she's a little meddler, that one. 484 00:26:36,303 --> 00:26:38,470 That she is. 485 00:26:38,555 --> 00:26:40,806 Well, not to worry. 486 00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:43,183 - Bad breath. HOB. - (Laughs) 487 00:26:44,686 --> 00:26:46,687 Mm. I miss you. 488 00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:49,648 I miss you too. 489 00:26:49,691 --> 00:26:52,109 It ain't the same without you, you know. 490 00:26:53,361 --> 00:26:55,446 That's nice to hear. 491 00:26:56,990 --> 00:26:59,450 I think it's good, though. 492 00:26:59,492 --> 00:27:03,037 - What's good? - We're... living our lives. 493 00:27:03,079 --> 00:27:07,082 We're being all normal and responsible and... 494 00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:09,877 like real, live grown-ups. 495 00:27:09,919 --> 00:27:14,256 Well, yeah, I do feel vaguely functional these days. 496 00:27:14,299 --> 00:27:17,426 You know, I think you might even be proud of me. 497 00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:19,720 I'm always proud of you. 498 00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:22,556 Even when I'm not. 499 00:27:26,227 --> 00:27:28,312 That's nice to hear. 500 00:27:29,606 --> 00:27:32,274 - But... - But what? 501 00:27:33,902 --> 00:27:36,570 What if, in the process of being... 502 00:27:36,613 --> 00:27:40,032 all responsible and grown-up like, we... 503 00:27:40,867 --> 00:27:42,868 just kinda get over each other? 504 00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:49,792 What if... 505 00:27:49,834 --> 00:27:53,003 you tell me about our daughter? 506 00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:56,882 Well... 507 00:27:56,925 --> 00:27:59,885 Things are changing, Karen, just like you said they would. 508 00:27:59,969 --> 00:28:02,596 I mean, fast, you know, but I'm... 509 00:28:02,639 --> 00:28:07,267 I'm holding on as hard as I can, and I am not gonna let go. 510 00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:10,396 I mean, I... I won't forget you...