1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,168 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:07,047 My dirty little whore of a nose is sorry that she let you down. 3 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,424 I wanna fix this, Charlie. 4 00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:11,635 (Laughing) Come on, say it, baby, say it. 5 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,554 I'm getting fucked by Rick Springfield. 6 00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:16,265 Do you want to, um, go up to my room 7 00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:17,808 and listen to some records? 8 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,477 - Only if they're mine. - Church. 9 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:24,440 - You're my student. - Not any more, I'm not. 10 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:27,234 I offered myself to you, and you weren't interested. 11 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,570 If only I could have just had one little nibble. 12 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:31,572 Ohh. 13 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,994 I'm in love with you, Hank Moody. 14 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,412 Ho! 15 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:41,540 Were you sleeping with your TA the whole time you were sleeping with me? 16 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:42,624 What? 17 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,668 Your dad's fucking my mom! 18 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,795 So what, you're saying we just pack up and leave LA? 19 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,672 The three of us move back to New York, together? 20 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,633 Yeah. End of the semester. Whatever. 21 00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,892 (Leather squeaking) 22 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,482 Oh, hey! 23 00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,734 Go ahead. You've earned the right. 24 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,652 Can't deny this privilege. 25 00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:13,197 - (Leather creaking) - Fire my ass. 26 00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:15,449 - Oh, I'm not planning to fire you. - Come again? 27 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:19,745 Unfortunately, not a single one of the ladies that you so egregiously fouled 28 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,539 has agreed to stand up and press formal charges against you, 29 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,583 and without that the matter ends here. 30 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,710 You win, Hank Moody. I admit defeat. 31 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:29,546 Not even my wife will say a bad word about you. 32 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:31,840 Or should I say ex-wife? 33 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,510 Just this morning, she requested I vacate the premises. 34 00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:36,887 - Oh, no, she didn't! - Oh, yes, she did. 35 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,640 No, you can't... you can't kick the dean out of the deanery. 36 00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:41,767 That shit is wrong. You've gotta get that woman back. 37 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:44,770 I can help you. What do you want me to do? Just ask me. 38 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,438 - Ask me. What can I do? - (Phone) 39 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:50,317 - OK, I've got a question for you. - Not now. No, not now. Hold on, I got a call. 40 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:56,907 Oh. M Flower. I don't recognise that number. I don't need to take it. 41 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,076 Mayflower, moron. Mayflower School for Girls. 42 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,036 - That call could be important! - Oh! 43 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,579 (Both phones ringing) 44 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:08,377 - Hank Moody. - Stacy Koons. 45 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:12,089 Yes, I'll, uh... I'll hold for Principal Green 46 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,799 on a disciplinary matter. 47 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,385 I will also hold for Principal Green. 48 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,889 Oh, this is Principal Green. (Whispering) I'm handling it here. I got it. 49 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:23,851 Uh-huh. I'm listening. A fight? Oh... 50 00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:26,687 A disagreement, you mean, an argument. 51 00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:29,231 - Oh, that kind of fight. - (Whispers) What kind of fight? 52 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,400 A physical confrontation. Hmm. 53 00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,527 (Laughs) Ah, yeah. That's my girl. 54 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:23,660 I assure you that expulsion is not a step we take lightly. 55 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,455 - Expulsion? - Hey, slow down there, Dean Koons. 56 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,874 It's not so much fun here on the other side of the desk, is it? 57 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,752 Yes, Stacy, let's just wait and see what Principal Green has to say. 58 00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:35,547 - (Whispers) She's such a kiss-ass. - After all, she didn't say that both girls... 59 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,341 Oh, no, they're both being expelled. 60 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,135 We have a zero-tolerance policy 61 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,638 on violence here at the Mayflower School. 62 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,973 We've just never had to apply it before, 63 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:47,851 since most of our young ladies have been taught 64 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:51,772 not to resort to physical violence as a means of expression. 65 00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:54,816 Mm-hm. So, hey, let's look at the bright side here. 66 00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,946 We're making history. Big ups for women's rights. 67 00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,530 You know what? This is wrong. 68 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:03,367 There is just no way that Becca would hit anyone. 69 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:07,246 Right. Not without being provoked. We're not a family that takes shit lying down. 70 00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:08,664 He just admitted it was Becca's fault. 71 00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:11,208 - I did not. I didn't. I didn't. - Did too. Did too. Did. 72 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,378 Principal Green, I'm sure that there's no need to take drastic action 73 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,755 that might impact the girls' academic future. 74 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:20,175 Chelsea was clearly upset yesterday because her father was moving out. 75 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,594 I tried to explain to her that it wasn't Hank's fault. 76 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,846 What? What's she talking about? 77 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,890 I don't know. She has that accent... 78 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,768 - I'm so sorry. - Hank's fault? 79 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:31,853 You didn't tell her. 80 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:35,107 Tell me what? 81 00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:37,901 Becca's father and I had a slight, well, indiscretion 82 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:41,488 that may have contributed - indirectly, though - to the girls' little kerfuffle. 83 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:44,449 She's kidding, right? You have got to be kidding me. 84 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:48,036 He fucks my wife, I somehow ended up sleeping at the faculty club. 85 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,414 - I feel sick. - You're making this worse than it has to be. 86 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:51,498 - I don't think so. - Karen... 87 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:54,376 You... You. You say one word to me, 88 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:57,087 and I will show you where Becca learned to throw down. 89 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:00,674 (Humming) 90 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:05,220 Hey, there, Minnie Mouse. 91 00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:08,473 Whoa! Shouldn't you be dressed and ready for action? 92 00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,892 I mean waxin'. Action waxin'. 93 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:14,313 Ha-ha. You get it? It rhymes. Action waxin'. 94 00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,565 Bite me. 95 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:20,277 Still no call from Rick Springfield! 96 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,779 You don't have to sound so chipper about it. 97 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:26,116 The man's been in Tahoe for the past three days. 98 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,160 I know, I know. 99 00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:30,162 That was a huge show for him. 100 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,372 He's probably just decompressing right now. 101 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,915 Sure, sure. 102 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,709 Or maybe... 103 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,919 he's trying to tell you something. 104 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:42,341 You know, this could be a blessing in disguise, really. 105 00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,052 - He'll call. - Maybe. 106 00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:49,139 Or... maybe not. 107 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:53,226 You know, maybe Rick Springfield not calling you for three days 108 00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:56,897 is his way of saying that he doesn't see the real you, 109 00:05:56,939 --> 00:06:01,360 that he doesn't, uh, value your essential woman-ness and so forth. 110 00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:04,571 Oh, my God, would you please mind your own business, Runkle? 111 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:08,116 Hey, Rick Springfield is my business. He's my client, for Christ's sakes. 112 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:12,537 I'll tell you something, Marce. I have seen some things, OK, up close and personal, 113 00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:15,374 some strangely fucked-up shit, huh? 114 00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:18,794 That guy... he's not the biggest friend to women. 115 00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:22,756 (Scoffs) Oh, and you're frigging Bella Abzug over here. 116 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:25,926 - Far from it. - No, I totally get it. 117 00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:28,637 I'm dating my dream crush... 118 00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,597 hitting my peak sexually, 119 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,975 this close to selling this frigid box of a house, 120 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,811 and moving on with my life, 121 00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,854 and you just don't want me to be happy, Charlie. 122 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:41,024 Of course I want you to be happy, Marcy. 123 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,860 God, I mean, look, we're talking here, OK? 124 00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:46,363 I miss this. I miss us. 125 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,156 Do you know how long it's been 126 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:51,159 since I heard you say those three little words? 127 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,370 - Eat my clam? - Eat my clam. 128 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,372 No, no, not eat my clam. 129 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:59,084 I love you. I don't mean to get a bee in my bonnet, babe. 130 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,044 I don't wanna see you waste your life 131 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,755 waiting for a phone call that might never come. 132 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,258 Oh, it's coming, fool. 133 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,385 And by the way, my gay uncle called. 134 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,762 He wants his expressions back. 135 00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:20,147 Guess it's home-schooling after all. 136 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:23,066 Well, you better hope that he remembers his algebra, 137 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:26,987 because you definitely won't be going to a New York private school after this. 138 00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:29,281 - Well, obviously, she was provoked. - Yes. 139 00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:32,451 She called you a home-wrecker... which you are. 140 00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:36,121 Yet somehow that didn't stop me from shoving her into the vending machine. 141 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,373 Then the hitting began. 142 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,916 Satisfied? 143 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:45,797 Hank, I asked you to do one thing. 144 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,633 Look after Becca. How hard is that? 145 00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:51,887 Hard. Real hard. I understand that now. 146 00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:54,014 Well, it couldn't have been that hard, could it? 147 00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:57,517 - What's that supposed to mean? - You know what that means. 148 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,060 You're mad about Felicia? 149 00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:02,314 No. I would not give you the satisfaction of being mad about Felicia. 150 00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,274 I don't know how satisfying that would be. 151 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,651 While I'm working my ass off in New York, 152 00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:08,445 you start some kind of relationship 153 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,156 with the most annoying woman on the planet, 154 00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:15,368 who also happens to be the mother of Becca's best friend and your boss! 155 00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:18,538 - What is... Grrr! - It's not a relationship, Karen, far from it. 156 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:22,250 You know that. She was just looking to sleep with someone, anyone, 157 00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,294 to get her groove back, get back at the dean. 158 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,172 I didn't want to. I thought it was a bad idea. It seemed wrong to me. 159 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,925 We don't like to get involved in other people's marital woes, 160 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:33,428 cos we've been there, it's sad, messed-up shit, and I wanted to keep us out of it. 161 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,431 Oh, you did a really good job of not getting involved, Hank. 162 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,225 Well, I did, at first. I refused. 163 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:41,019 But then she was gonna call in her chit with this other dude, 164 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,104 this Mr Zipless fuck, a real cheeseball... 165 00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,023 You know what? Out! 166 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,525 What? What? 167 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:49,611 I don't want to hear about Felicia and her midlife crisis, OK? 168 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,655 - I don't want to talk about it. - Do you have any idea 169 00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:54,574 - how fucking infuriating you are? - Yes. Yes, I do. 170 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:57,202 I'm just trying to fill you in on what happened while you were away. 171 00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:59,079 Leave now, OK? 172 00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:01,790 I need... I need peace, Hank. 173 00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,542 You must have something to do, 174 00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:06,962 I mean some... papers to grade, some fucking marijuana to smoke. 175 00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:09,130 Hey, some students to fuck. 176 00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:12,300 What? So you'd be totally fine if I, uh... 177 00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:17,222 Would you... Arrgh! 178 00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:25,772 (Rick Springfield singing on stereo) ♪ My life has just begun 179 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:29,651 ♪ Now I understand the greater plan 180 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:33,572 ♪ My precious little one ♪ 181 00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:35,949 (Song ends) 182 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:40,579 Oh. Pipes of a fucking angel. 183 00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:44,124 You know, I gotta take this down and play it for the girls at the orphanage. 184 00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,793 Right on. Hey, I'm doing a children's charity concert 185 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:49,087 at the Grove Thursday night. 186 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,215 Yeah, half the proceeds go to, uh, juvenile diabetes. 187 00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:55,343 What? 188 00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:57,178 Um, I'm speechless. 189 00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,556 Girls at the orphanage? Juvenile diabetes? 190 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,391 Who are you two, and what have you done 191 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,644 with the nymphomaniacal sociopaths I've grown to love and loathe? 192 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:08,773 Sorry to burst your bubble, Runkle. I'm a complicated beast. 193 00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:12,485 Me too. Plus, you know, charity events are like ground zero for single pussy. 194 00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:13,903 And he's back. 195 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,532 Hey, you should have seen me in Tahoe. Two nights, six chicks - no rubbers. 196 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:20,535 Bravo, Rick. Bravo. 197 00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:23,371 Safety first, I always say, of course. 198 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,831 But, then again, 199 00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:29,419 I'm not the one who's currently having intimate relations with my wife. 200 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,880 Ah, can it, Runkle. Life's messy. 201 00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:34,966 You better clean up your game, gonzo - the womanising, the boozing. 202 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:38,011 If you won't do it for Marcy, at least do it for your career. 203 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:41,181 We have landed you the comeback vehicle of a lifetime. 204 00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:43,308 Please don't fuck it up. 205 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:46,853 Hey, please don't use the "C" word, all right? I'm not coming back from anything. 206 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:49,564 That reminds me, I need some blow. 207 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,318 Sorry? 208 00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:55,028 Dude, you heard me. 209 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:58,031 Some blow, some yay, some white girl, some powder, some cake. 210 00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:01,618 I start filming tomorrow. It's my last chance to get fucked out of my mind. 211 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,536 All due respect, '80s rock star, 212 00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:06,289 I think you'd have a better line on cocaine than I would. 213 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,416 - So? - So why are you asking me 214 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:11,002 to procure you drugs like I'm your assistant? 215 00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:13,880 Gee, uh, let me see. Because I fucking can. 216 00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:17,717 I don't think I like your tone, bud, not one little bit. 217 00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:22,430 9pm, my trailer on set. 218 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:24,057 OK? 219 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,398 - (Scoffs) - Aw, Christ, Runkle. 220 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,565 Sack up! 221 00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:37,153 If a client asks you to dress up like a French maid and rim his shithole, 222 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,656 you comply, with bells on, huh? 223 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,325 I would hook him up myself, but my guy's in Thailand. 224 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:45,745 Just some sex tourism, something like that, anyway. 225 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,540 So this one's on you. Oh. Almost forgot. 226 00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:50,166 Here. 227 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:52,168 Annual bonus. 228 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,879 Don't spend it all in one place, ladyboy. 229 00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:02,971 This does seem mighty small. 230 00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:06,266 I think I got a bigger bonus cheque when I worked at Blockbuster in '91. 231 00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:09,728 Wait, wait. Be kind, rewind. Hank Moody worked at Blockbuster? 232 00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:12,313 Yeah. Yeah, I had the khakis, the tucked-in polo. 233 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:15,817 (Laughs) The whole thing. I used to splice porn into the Disney films. 234 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,777 Of course you did. 235 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,404 But back to you. 236 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,531 How does this all make you feel... 237 00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:24,701 emotionally? 238 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,994 Wow. 239 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,495 Well... 240 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:28,663 (Sighs) 241 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,790 ...between my sad little bonus cheque 242 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,959 and my new position as Rick Springfield's 243 00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,544 drug dealer-slash-pimp, 244 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:38,840 I would have to say I feel like shit emotionally. 245 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,843 Enough! I've grown tired of your jibber-jabber, Runkle. 246 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,845 My turn. Let's switch it up. 247 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:50,185 Ohh... 248 00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:52,562 Becca got expelled. 249 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,273 She went all Leon Spinks on her BFF. 250 00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:58,651 Really? Is it creepy that I find that mildly arousing? 251 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,655 - Yes. - Continue. 252 00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,824 Karen is livid, as well she should be. 253 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,076 I honestly don't know how it all got so out of hand. 254 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:10,455 Chelsea and Becca were thick as thieves, once upon a time, like you and me. 255 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:14,250 The dean's been kicked out of the deanery. Felicia did that, and that ain't right. 256 00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,711 And I should be happy, I know I should, 257 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:19,756 because we're all packing up and moving to New York soon. 258 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,175 (Charlie sobbing) 259 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,720 Are you weeping? 260 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,847 - (Continues sobbing) - (Chuckles) 261 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,933 I need cocaine! 262 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:32,435 (Sobbing) 263 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,813 - And this concerns me how? - I don't know! 264 00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:35,897 Mm. 265 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:40,109 I just... I might get fired! Collini doesn't give a shit about me. 266 00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:42,111 Marcy, she's a fucking stranger. 267 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,364 No one takes care of me! 268 00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:49,327 And now you, you're leaving me too. You're moving back to New York. 269 00:13:49,411 --> 00:13:51,496 (Sobbing) 270 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:55,834 Come here. 271 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,838 (Continues sobbing) 272 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,673 - (Knock on door) - Big boy. 273 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,424 Uh, sorry. 274 00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:06,636 Am I interrupting something, Professor Moody? 275 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,681 Nah. Just a complete psychological breakdown. 276 00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:12,809 I'm just picking up my essay. Jill said she graded them. 277 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,770 - Rock on. - Oh. 278 00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:18,022 (Charlie gulps, stops crying) 279 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:20,817 Oh, and you should hit up Dave Edelstein. 280 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,443 Kind of a douche, 281 00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:25,738 but his coke is the fucking truth. 282 00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:32,662 What? It's a great study aid. 283 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,873 Plus, it suppresses my gag reflex. 284 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:37,959 - Good for... you know. - Wow. 285 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,712 Noted. And dismissed. 286 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,716 Shotgun? 287 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,974 They're not gonna hear that. 288 00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,143 An unreliable drug dealer, the fucking gall. 289 00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:58,354 - All right, well. We tried. We gave it a shot. - That's you trying? 290 00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,524 - What? - No wonder my last book didn't sell. 291 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,861 - Aieee! (Grunting sounds) - Jesus, the cops. 292 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,114 Oh! Unlocked. 293 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,241 Go, go. 294 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,834 - (Clatter) - Come on. 295 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:27,926 Ho-hoh! 296 00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:30,219 Bleurgh! 297 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:33,014 Ooh, a Fleshlight - stealthy, secure. 298 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,141 I hate to say it, but it's highly likely. 299 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:38,686 Maybe in the labia. Vas definitely. 300 00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:41,147 - I would, uh, check it out. - Oh, shit! 301 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:44,317 Looks a little like you. Check it. 302 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,444 Go deep. Dig in. 303 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:48,154 Get in there. 304 00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,114 (Squelching) 305 00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:53,034 - Oh, Charlie. - (Both laughing) 306 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:55,453 Oh, God damn it. It's sticky inside. 307 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,163 What are you laughing at? 308 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,248 Cos I know where it is, numbnuts. 309 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:00,458 Go. 310 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,168 Fucking hell. 311 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:05,171 Oh, you have got to be kidding me. 312 00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:06,506 (Hissing) 313 00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:10,551 Go ahead. I had a few when I was a kid. They're like sweethearts with scales. 314 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,972 - Just do it. - (Squeaky) What is dis? 315 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:18,184 OK. You're not such a bad boy, really, are you? 316 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,311 No... 317 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,271 You're a good little boy. 318 00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,607 That's a good boy. 319 00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,237 - Ow! Fuck! Ah! God! - Runkle, shit! 320 00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,990 - What the fuck, Runkle? - That fucking thing fed upon me! 321 00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:34,701 That fucking goddamn monster fucking ate my flesh. 322 00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:37,036 Oh, shit. Jesus Christ, what if it's poisonous? 323 00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:39,163 I think I feel my heart slowing down. 324 00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:41,332 Oh, my God, I think something weird is happening. 325 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,626 - Is there? - You're becoming an even bigger pussy! 326 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:46,504 It's a garter snake. It's an overgrown earthworm. You're fine. 327 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:49,882 - (Knocking) - Excuse me. IDs. Now. 328 00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:52,051 Actually, we're just... we're just visiting. 329 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,971 - Yeah? Who you visiting? - His, uh... His, uh, cousin. 330 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,389 - Yeah. - Lover. His nephew. 331 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,099 David Edelstein. 332 00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,476 (Laughing) David Edelstein. 333 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,812 Runkle. Runkle. 334 00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:08,109 - Run, Runkle! - (Guard grunting) 335 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,111 Oh, I'm sorry. 336 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:12,572 Jeez. OK. Sorry. Sorry. 337 00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:16,284 Oh, sorry, sorry. 338 00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:22,582 (Both grunting) 339 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,250 - (Thud) - Ah, that's my left ball! 340 00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:26,044 - (Thud) - Ooh, that's my right ball. 341 00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:28,046 - (Thud) - Oh! Not the glans! 342 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:31,090 - Runkle, save yourself. Run! - (Cuffs clicking) 343 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,760 Easy on the cuffs there, bad lieutenant. 344 00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:36,095 - You're making a big mistake. - Save it for the cops. 345 00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:39,432 I'm very tight with the dean. He will not be pleased when he hears about this. 346 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:42,226 - You're friends with the dean? - I fucked his wife. Oh! 347 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,439 What, no dinner? 348 00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,609 Oh. I didn't think you'd be hungry. 349 00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,152 I'm not. 350 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,279 No, me neither. 351 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,949 Hey! Would you look at that? 352 00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,785 We have something in common. 353 00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:01,454 That, and we're both pissed at him. 354 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:04,499 I'm not pissed at him, because it would not be appropriate for... 355 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:06,042 Mother. 356 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,293 Daughter. 357 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:10,546 I just wanna know what the fuck is going on with my own life. 358 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,673 Yep. That seems reasonable. 359 00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:14,759 Basic, simple things. 360 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,552 Where am I going to school? 361 00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:20,014 Is he living with us? Is he not living with us? 362 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:22,308 Is someone in charge here? Anyone? 363 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:26,521 Or are we just going on in this fucked-up limbo forever and ever? 364 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:29,315 Sweetie, I know, I know it doesn't make any sense. 365 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:32,527 You can't sweetie me. I'm not six years old any more. 366 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:35,404 - I need real answers. - I know. 367 00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:37,156 You're right, I'm sorry. I... 368 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:40,868 And I know that's nowhere near enough. I... 369 00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,246 You see, I had a plan. 370 00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,915 I did. 371 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,626 But it just didn't work out the way I thought it would. 372 00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:51,462 Oh, you thought he'd do a good job of being in charge? 373 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,090 Right. 374 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,803 I have an idea. Let's get outta here. 375 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:01,848 We've been cooped up all day long. We need fresh air. 376 00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:03,641 Whatever. 377 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:06,352 That was kind of a yes, wasn't it? 378 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,312 Come with me. 379 00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:12,650 (♪ Rick Springfield: Love is Alright Tonight playing, muffled) 380 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,652 (Chatter) 381 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,786 Here's the jacket. There you go. 382 00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:47,393 (Rick) Hey, man. 383 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:50,646 Yewww... You're really hanging out down there, Rick. 384 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:54,483 Yeah. I like to freeball with my eight ball. 385 00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,652 Evidently. 386 00:19:58,947 --> 00:20:00,489 Jesus. 387 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:03,159 ♪ Love is all right... ♪ 388 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,203 OK. Look, Rick. 389 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,830 Before I, uh, hand over the goods, 390 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,791 I just... I really feel like I need to get something off my chest. 391 00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:12,543 All right, Charlie. It's OK. 392 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,296 I was out of line today. I'm sorry. 393 00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:18,216 I mean, you're my agent. You're not my errand boy. 394 00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:21,177 Wow! I'm... I'm surprised. 395 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,304 Well, OK. Uh, thank you, Rick. 396 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,514 - I appreciate that. - OK. So? 397 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,226 - Coca! - Absolutely. 398 00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,353 I'm just... I'm very thirsty. It was a long trip. 399 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,521 I see you got a cooler. I need some refreshment. 400 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:38,611 ♪ Tonight I'm crawling out from in it... ♪ 401 00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:43,366 Where is she? 402 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,286 Marcy, where are you? I know you're in here, Marcy. 403 00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,748 Uh-oh. 404 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,794 I don't know what shocks me more - 405 00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:57,964 the fact that you've obviously completely replaced me 406 00:20:58,006 --> 00:21:01,759 or that you'd jeopardise your sobriety for this fuckwit! 407 00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:04,679 Oh! This fuckwit happens to be 408 00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:06,597 one of the kindest, 409 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,183 gentlest lovers I've ever known. 410 00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:11,769 Ha! Oh, yeah, I know a couple of strippers out there 411 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:16,607 - who might dispute that assessment. - Watch it, Runkle. Gimme my fucking blow! 412 00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:20,111 Where is it? 413 00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:23,406 ♪ Love is all right tonight... ♪ 414 00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:25,741 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 415 00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:28,619 Oh, shit! 416 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:31,163 - You looking to get your ass fired? - That's not possible. 417 00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:33,833 - Really? Why is that? - Because I fire you first! 418 00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:36,085 That's right. I don't care how much business you bring in. 419 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:38,796 You're an emotional fucking albatross, Rick Springfield, 420 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,465 - and I'm through with you! - Charlie, perspective. 421 00:21:41,508 --> 00:21:45,428 You wanna go back to slinging Beemers in the Valley? 422 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,435 Maybe I got carried away. 423 00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,770 - What I meant to say is... - (Laughs) 424 00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:57,857 No, no, no, no. It's too late, fucker. 425 00:21:57,899 --> 00:21:59,150 You're dead to me. 426 00:21:59,192 --> 00:22:02,486 And you can tell that old cooze Collini that the whole Harry Greenberg Agency 427 00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:04,113 is fuckin' dead to me too. 428 00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:05,698 Fuck you! 429 00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:09,076 And... And fuck your Z3 and fuck your dumb bald head 430 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:11,620 and your small, shitty life! 431 00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:14,081 Now, gimme my blow and get the fuck outta here! 432 00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:15,541 Gladly. 433 00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:17,877 Oh! 434 00:22:17,919 --> 00:22:20,713 Shit! What the fuck? 435 00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:22,631 ♪ Love is all right... ♪ 436 00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:24,592 Like your dream crush now, Marcy? 437 00:22:24,634 --> 00:22:25,926 Damn it! 438 00:22:25,969 --> 00:22:28,804 (Marcy) It's like watching a figure skater fall. 439 00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:31,766 Come on, baby, let's go. We're getting out of here. 440 00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:37,355 (Silent laughter) 441 00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:48,657 (Stacy) Incoming! Boom! Boom! 442 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:52,286 Boom! And the little bird said... 443 00:22:52,329 --> 00:22:53,704 Dad! 444 00:22:53,747 --> 00:22:55,373 Oh! Oh, yes. 445 00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:57,208 I thought you hated Chelsea. 446 00:22:57,250 --> 00:22:59,794 Well, since when did you care what I think? 447 00:22:59,836 --> 00:23:04,090 Anyway, the point is to say what you wanted to say. Come on. 448 00:23:05,675 --> 00:23:07,676 (Knocking) 449 00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:09,178 (Karen) Knock, knock. 450 00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:11,680 Don't be afraid. We come in peace. 451 00:23:11,765 --> 00:23:13,599 Hello! Chelsea! 452 00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:16,394 Look who's here! Come on in. 453 00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:17,812 - I see. - (Karen) Thank you. 454 00:23:17,854 --> 00:23:19,939 I'm just not sure I give a shit. 455 00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:23,484 I guess that's what passes for a welcome around here these days. 456 00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:25,945 I just came to say I'm sorry 457 00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:28,531 for punching you in the face. 458 00:23:28,573 --> 00:23:30,699 And calling you a stupid twat. 459 00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:34,412 - I was highly emotional. - Aw, look at that. 460 00:23:34,454 --> 00:23:37,665 Rapprochement - it's my favourite part of any war. 461 00:23:37,707 --> 00:23:40,793 Why don't you and Becca go up to your room? 462 00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:43,295 It's not necessary, OK, Dad? 463 00:23:43,338 --> 00:23:45,131 - I'll finish dinner. - It's fine. 464 00:23:45,173 --> 00:23:46,966 Now, if you two don't mind, 465 00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:50,428 I'm enjoying some quality time with my dad... 466 00:23:50,470 --> 00:23:53,139 before he checks into the heartbreak hotel. 467 00:23:53,181 --> 00:23:56,100 We know. We've been there already. 468 00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:58,352 Oh, come on, now, you don't have to make it sound so dour. 469 00:23:58,395 --> 00:24:01,105 Well, that's a nice try, but you want my opinion? 470 00:24:01,148 --> 00:24:02,982 It's so much better not to lie to them, 471 00:24:03,024 --> 00:24:05,651 because they kinda know when things are shitty. 472 00:24:05,694 --> 00:24:10,573 - I don't know that things are all that... - They're shitty, Dad. Face it. 473 00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:12,533 All thanks to you-know-who. 474 00:24:12,576 --> 00:24:15,744 Look, it'd be nice if we could blame Hank for all of this, 475 00:24:15,787 --> 00:24:19,623 but the fact of the matter is, it's just... it's more complicated than that. 476 00:24:19,666 --> 00:24:22,418 I'm not talking about Hank. I'm talking about Mom. 477 00:24:23,211 --> 00:24:26,422 - She's making a complete ass of herself. - Well, that's true. 478 00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:29,049 - (Mouthing) - (Chelsea) I'm going to my room. 479 00:24:29,092 --> 00:24:33,929 That's where I'll be, in case, I don't know, you want to apologise further or something. 480 00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:40,436 (Whispering) I'm sure she doesn't mean it. Go on. Take a shot. 481 00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:44,106 You'll be OK. 482 00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:53,991 You know how we could really get back 483 00:24:54,034 --> 00:24:57,620 at those significant others of ours, the two of us? 484 00:24:57,662 --> 00:24:59,371 If we made love... 485 00:24:59,414 --> 00:25:02,416 that would really piss 'em off. 486 00:25:02,459 --> 00:25:04,543 - Huh? - Oh, wow. 487 00:25:04,586 --> 00:25:06,045 - Becca! - Too soon? 488 00:25:06,087 --> 00:25:08,380 You're right. It's too soon. 489 00:25:08,423 --> 00:25:09,924 My heart needs to heal. 490 00:25:09,966 --> 00:25:12,635 Hell, I'm not even sure the little dean is up to it, 491 00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:14,178 you know. 492 00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:16,847 - How about a glass of wine? - Sold. 493 00:25:17,849 --> 00:25:20,142 Free at last! 494 00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:23,562 You know, the air, it just smells better after you've been in the big house. 495 00:25:23,605 --> 00:25:25,356 Thanks for doing this, by the way. 496 00:25:25,398 --> 00:25:28,400 I can't believe you didn't have anything better to do with your evening. 497 00:25:28,443 --> 00:25:30,819 Couldn't very well let you rot in there, could I? 498 00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:32,321 Well, it's been done. 499 00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:35,157 Well, I'm the one who made the brilliant mistake of hiring you. 500 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,242 Yes, you did. 501 00:25:36,284 --> 00:25:39,787 And I never give up on my brilliant mistakes. I see them through to the bitter end. 502 00:25:39,829 --> 00:25:42,498 Is that where we are? Because I knew I recognised the place. 503 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,833 I don't regret any of it, you know, 504 00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:48,837 despite the humiliation, gossiping in the department, 505 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,422 or the end of my marriage. 506 00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:52,800 Shit. You gonna go through with this divorce thing? 507 00:25:52,842 --> 00:25:54,969 Sure. It's a wonderful feeling, you know, 508 00:25:55,011 --> 00:25:59,932 once you realise that it's all behind you - all that bitterness and anguish and torment. 509 00:25:59,975 --> 00:26:01,475 Mm. 510 00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:03,519 I don't know, I, uh... I've been there. 511 00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:05,646 I have. But it wasn't like that for me. 512 00:26:05,689 --> 00:26:07,648 It was more like having a... 513 00:26:07,691 --> 00:26:10,025 giant hole ripped into my universe. 514 00:26:10,068 --> 00:26:12,528 Yeah, but you never actually let go, did you? 515 00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:16,031 It's the pain that holds people together, the need to hurt one another. 516 00:26:16,074 --> 00:26:19,577 Once that's gone, there's nothing left. Nothing worth saving, anyway. 517 00:26:19,619 --> 00:26:21,954 I don't accept that. Where's the love, lady? 518 00:26:21,997 --> 00:26:24,456 - The love? - Yes. Where it be located? 519 00:26:24,499 --> 00:26:26,292 To misquote a '70s soul classic. 520 00:26:26,334 --> 00:26:28,502 Don't make me go Roberta Flack on your ass. 521 00:26:28,545 --> 00:26:32,089 That's love, torturing each other? Half in, half out? 522 00:26:32,132 --> 00:26:34,216 Torture. That sounds like love to me. 523 00:26:34,259 --> 00:26:37,970 - Well, you go on believing that, if you like. - I like. That shit's romantic. 524 00:26:38,013 --> 00:26:40,681 I've had quite enough torture for one lifetime. 525 00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:43,309 Oh, enough with doing the right thing. 526 00:26:43,351 --> 00:26:45,811 I never thought you'd be one of those types, you know? 527 00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:49,607 - The ones who suffer in silence. - No, I'm not. I suffer very loudly. 528 00:26:49,649 --> 00:26:52,568 - You should try it sometime. - (Chuckles) No, thanks. 529 00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:54,820 From now on, I'd just rather be happy. 530 00:26:54,863 --> 00:26:59,575 So that's it? You discovered the key to happiness in one short semester? 531 00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:01,577 Well, I did have a little help. 532 00:27:02,954 --> 00:27:04,663 Thanks, Professor. 533 00:27:06,541 --> 00:27:10,252 You know, if you ever decide to rethink that philosophy of yours, 534 00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:11,795 let me know. 535 00:27:11,838 --> 00:27:13,672 I'll be around. 536 00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:18,469 ♪ Catch a cannonball 537 00:27:18,511 --> 00:27:22,181 ♪ Gonna take me down the line 538 00:27:22,223 --> 00:27:24,350 ♪ My bag is sinkin' low ♪ 539 00:27:24,392 --> 00:27:27,186 ♪ And I do believe it's time 540 00:27:27,812 --> 00:27:29,980 ♪ To get-a back to miss Annie 541 00:27:30,023 --> 00:27:33,817 ♪ You know, she is the only one 542 00:27:33,860 --> 00:27:35,319 ♪ Who left me here 543 00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:39,490 ♪ With her regards for everyone 544 00:27:39,532 --> 00:27:42,409 ♪ Take a load off, Annie 545 00:27:42,452 --> 00:27:45,287 ♪ Take a load for free 546 00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:49,333 ♪ Take a load off, Annie, hey 547 00:27:49,376 --> 00:27:50,709 ♪ Hey 548 00:27:50,752 --> 00:27:52,211 ♪ And put the load 549 00:27:52,253 --> 00:27:55,547 ♪ Right on me 550 00:27:55,590 --> 00:27:57,591 ♪ Yeah ♪