1
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:09,758
<i>Previously on Californication...</i>

2
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:10,958
Man, what are the odds?

3
00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:13,674
I end up next to the most
beautiful woman in the tri-state area.

4
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,967
He wants Hank to come to him.

5
00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,802
Who the fuck is "he"?

6
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:20,518
Samurai Apocalypse.

7
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:22,976
But I wanna do my own thing,
my own moment.

8
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:26,066
<i>Santa Monica Cop is my
Eddie Murphy moment right now!</i>

9
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,818
I don't know. It's not really my thing.

10
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:30,441
Get your sexy ass over here, mama.

11
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:31,859
Damn.

12
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,316
I'm Charlie Runkle.
We spoke on the phone.

13
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,319
No, I'm just the nanny, but come on in.

14
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:39,081
- Are you OK?
- I just got fired.

15
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:41,034
Are you looking for a new gig?

16
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,200
Hank Moody!
Better not be hitting on my girl.

17
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,038
You should be in Starbucks
writing me some funny shit.

18
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,328
I don't think I can do it.

19
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,249
- How's Becca?
- Boyfriend.

20
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,883
I wanna kill him, Hank.

21
00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,213
Hey, Tyler.

22
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:56,546
This is not what it looks like.
This is my sister.

23
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:57,885
What the fuck was that all about?

24
00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:59,718
Some guy my daughter's seeing.

25
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,387
I think he's gonna break her heart.

26
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,222
Maybe we should break his legs first.

27
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:04,683
Tyler was leaving some club
in Hollywood,

28
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,600
and he got jumped
by a bunch of gangbangers.

29
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,589
Fade the fuck out.

30
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:35,001
The end, motherfucker. Charlie!

31
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,052
Way ahead of you, buddy.

32
00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:40,254
Print, bitches.

33
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:41,595
Wait!

34
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:42,965
Don't you want to spell check?

35
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:45,517
No, something tells me
the Samurai isn't much of a typo Nazi,

36
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:46,720
and I gotta get out of here.

37
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,357
I gotta get my brown eye
on the red-eye.

38
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:49,687
I got a plane to catch.

39
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:52,149
- Please, stay.
- Mmm-mmm.

40
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:56,532
I came, I saw, I turned some words
into cash. The coffers are full.

41
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,037
Besides, I don't want to get myself killed

42
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,114
by a trigger-happy rapper.

43
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:04,998
It's just not the same
without you, buddy.

44
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,871
Just go down to the bar, grab yourself
one of your Messy Bessies

45
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,206
and you'll feel better in the morning.

46
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,704
That's the thing, Hank.
It doesn't work any more.

47
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,043
I'm lonely.

48
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,960
I long for companionship.

49
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:16,214
Is this it?

50
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:17,631
Is this the moment
I've been waiting for?

51
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,132
Are you finally
coming out to me, Charlie?

52
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,180
Female companionship.

53
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,223
Female.

54
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:25,931
- Grab yourself a lady friend.
- It's not that easy.

55
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,064
I'm old and bald
and lacking in social skills.

56
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,226
Yeah, but you do make a decent living.

57
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,313
And you have this groovy pad.

58
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,232
And that's really good for the hedonist.

59
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:40,111
It impresses the shit out of
the strippers and the barmaids,

60
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,444
but what if I want something more?

61
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,994
Sometimes it's better
not to touch your dreams.

62
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,245
Take it from someone who knows.

63
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:50,086
That is profound... ly depressing.

64
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,792
Speaking of which,
I gotta go say good-bye to Becca.

65
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:56,381
<i>Then I gotta drop this puppy off
at MTV Cribs.</i>

66
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,046
What are you gonna do?

67
00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,216
I don't know.

68
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,546
I guess I'll probably masturbate
to something dirty on the Internet

69
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,383
while I wait for Stuart to show up
and spend the night.

70
00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,800
Solid plan.
What's on the menu these days?

71
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,223
I'm glad you asked.

72
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:10,562
I'm extremely partial these days
to live sex-cams.

73
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,400
Yeah, for just
a couple of bucks a minute,

74
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,026
they'll do anything you want.

75
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:17,444
I got this girl to drink her own pee
the other day.

76
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,316
- What is wrong with you?
- What?

77
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:21,784
This is why you can't find a girl.

78
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,786
You're too busy making them do
disgusting things on the Internet.

79
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,663
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
- I am.

80
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,291
Good. Now hug me.

81
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,167
I gotta go.

82
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,707
- Charlie?
- Yes.

83
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,503
Is that a dildo in your pocket or
are you just happy to see me go?

84
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:42,053
I think I must have been
reliving that pee thing.

85
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,598
Now it's just a shame boner.

86
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,026
Fuck, fuck!

87
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,279
Hey.

88
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:45,778
What'd that poor house ever do to you?

89
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,150
Nothing!

90
00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:49,155
It's what that pansy-ass little pussy fart

91
00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:51,121
is doing to my house.

92
00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:57,503
I gotta walk this shit off
before I end up back in prison.

93
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:58,834
Fucker!

94
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:01,999
Fucker!

95
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,226
Hey.

96
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,425
Hey.

97
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,014
What's with the hubby out there?

98
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,928
Oh.

99
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,890
Tyler got into
his 40-year-old bottle of Chivas.

100
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,441
What the huh?
I thought Batesy was on the wagon.

101
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:25,113
Yeah, he is. But he keeps it around
as a symbol of his sobriety.

102
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,279
Oh.

103
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,743
Right on.

104
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,072
So how's patient zero?

105
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,409
- Demanding.
- Yeah?

106
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,159
- Mmm.
- Mmm-hmm?

107
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,660
I'm waiting. My props?

108
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,711
I told you the kid was an asshole.

109
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:40,624
Well, yeah, but you think
everyone's an asshole.

110
00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,091
Yes. Yes, I do.

111
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:43,421
But that doesn't make me any less right

112
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,633
about this particular asshole.

113
00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:48,342
I gotta go to the drugstore.
Tyler needs more Vicodin.

114
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:50,923
- Hi, Becca. Remember me?
- Oh, hey, Dad.

115
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,726
Hey, I'm leaving.

116
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,812
On a jet plane.

117
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,056
Don't know when I'll be back again.

118
00:05:58,692 --> 00:05:59,972
Maybe a hug?

119
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,812
- Safe travels, Dad.
- All right, I love you.

120
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,149
See you soon.

121
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,239
Yeah.

122
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:08,151
Hey, a quick one while they're away?

123
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,702
Come on. For old times' sake.

124
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,031
You know what?
You're hitting on a married woman.

125
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:13,030
- I know. What's your point?
- Yeah.

126
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:16,409
You really want me to sic my husband
on you in the state he's in?

127
00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:17,616
You're right.

128
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,253
That kind of thing
could lead a man to drink.

129
00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,330
- Yes.
- And then his glorious mangina

130
00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:22,502
might make an appearance.

131
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,667
Wouldn't want to see that happen,
would we?

132
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:28,091
Actually, I would.
I'm dying to see that thing again.

133
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,425
- Come on, let's do it.
- Stop it.

134
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,922
Karen! Is dinner ready yet?

135
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,345
Yeah.

136
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,226
- I'm gonna take this...
- No, allow me.

137
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,684
- Well, put it on the...
- Hey, fuck that.

138
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,560
Thank God. I was about to eat my foot.

139
00:06:43,779 --> 00:06:45,059
Oh.

140
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:46,781
Hey, Hank.

141
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,941
Wow, you've really moved in,
haven't you?

142
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,869
I hope you're not expecting to get
you security deposit back, are you?

143
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:53,827
Hey, listen, they insisted, OK?

144
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,907
Mmm. It's good.

145
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,578
Aw.

146
00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,377
My folks are out of town, all right?

147
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:01,541
That's what your folks told you.

148
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,919
They actually hate your guts
and rue the day

149
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,965
that your father ever failed
to pull out in time.

150
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:07,842
Ha-ha. Why don't you go
easy on me, man?

151
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,506
I got my ass beat about a week ago.

152
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,304
I know. I know that.

153
00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:14,132
And I was almost sad
when I heard the news.

154
00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:15,685
And then I was vaguely
disappointed when I heard

155
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,141
you weren't gonna die
or anything like that.

156
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,803
But knowing that you were
in great pain did make me smile.

157
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:23,022
- It's the little things, you know?
- Mmm.

158
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,770
But if you break my daughter's heart,

159
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:26,486
being stomped on
by a bunch of gangbangers

160
00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:28,979
is gonna seem like a play date
compared to the can of rape-ass

161
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:31,150
I will open up on your...

162
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,285
Ass.

163
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:38,614
Mmm.

164
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,748
Well, I have no intention
of breaking her heart.

165
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,959
- Good.
- She's a cool chick.

166
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,541
And if you respect her coolness,

167
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,838
you will tell her that
you are a lying, cheating,

168
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,503
skulduggerous little manwhore.

169
00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:50,052
You hear me?

170
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,550
I hear you.

171
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:55,258
- Are we cool?
- No, never.

172
00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:57,889
Can I bum a smoke?

173
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,057
Sure.

174
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,023
Got a light?

175
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,517
Ah! See, it's this damn finger of mine.

176
00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:06,939
- Oh, yeah. I bet it's...
- Oh.

177
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:08,986
- It's hard to...
- God!

178
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,789
Oh, yeah.

179
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,999
This is how it was done.

180
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,289
Back in the day.

181
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,539
When the bushes were big

182
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:30,500
and the boobies was real.

183
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:36,131
Shit! Shit! Shit, shit, shit!

184
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:42,939
Shit.

185
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,654
- Hello!
- Hello.

186
00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,912
Not too much boob tube, OK?

187
00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,121
OK, OK, OK. Relax, relax.

188
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,616
- We only watch what's educational.
- Uh-huh.

189
00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:06,580
A little Baby Einstein, perhaps.
Who knows?

190
00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:08,332
Maybe he'll even say something.

191
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,752
Whoa!

192
00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:12,167
Jesus Christ, Charlie!

193
00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:14,043
Oh, my God.

194
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:17,174
I can't trust you alone
with this kid for one second.

195
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:20,599
Yeah, well, feel free to take him
with you out on date night, then.

196
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,180
Oh, let's not be rash, Marcy.

197
00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:25,390
You know, my assistant had to work
some serious magic for these rezzies.

198
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:29,065
Believe me.
I need a break from all things mommy.

199
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,695
Right, right.

200
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,902
So that whole "hiring someone
to watch your kid

201
00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:35,694
"while you go out all day shopping
and having your toes done" thing

202
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,575
not working for you?

203
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:39,867
Die young and suffer, dickless.

204
00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:43,158
Really kicking it back old-school
with the porn there, hey, Runkle?

205
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,448
Well, if you must know,

206
00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:47,460
I'm trying to wean myself off
the hardcore stuff.

207
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,420
Yeah, I'm trying to rediscover

208
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,673
the simple pleasures
of a masturbating teenager,

209
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:56,342
when girls were magical creatures
who didn't go ATM.

210
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,464
- Ugh.
- What?

211
00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:00,468
Ass to mouth.

212
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,770
- That's disgusting.
- Yet intriguing.

213
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,646
Don't get any ideas, OK?

214
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,640
You're way too big
for mommy's cornhole.

215
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:10,817
Yeah, that's what daddy likes to hear.

216
00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:12,480
You're welcome.

217
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,775
Hey, hey, what's the matter, buddy?

218
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,945
Hey, what's the matter? Huh?

219
00:10:21,747 --> 00:10:24,238
- Where's Mr Blanky?
- What?

220
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,076
Where is Mr Blanky?

221
00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:28,165
- You...
- You...

222
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,664
- Did you...
- You brought...

223
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,671
You put it in the backpack.

224
00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:33,872
OK.

225
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:37,259
You know, the traffic is
really terrible right now on PCH.

226
00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:39,173
I think maybe we should jet.

227
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:40,842
Yeah. Sorry, Charlie.

228
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:43,720
- OK, buddy, you're OK.
- You wanted weekday overnights!

229
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,768
- You're a big boy, right?
- Mommy loves you!

230
00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:48,641
Oh, no.

231
00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:52,479
Oh, you're a big boy.
You're a big boy, OK.

232
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:55,185
OK, OK.

233
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,165
Shit.

234
00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:12,789
I'm excited to read this shit, yo.

235
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,088
I'm excited that you're excited, yo.

236
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,258
You're a funny motherfucker, Moody.
You know that, right?

237
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,673
Right back at you, Sam.

238
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,839
May I call you Sam?

239
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:25,056
Call me Calvin.
My moms call me Calvin.

240
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:26,887
I'd be honoured.

241
00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,722
- You should.
- I am.

242
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:31,941
All right, nigga.

243
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,852
- I'm gonna read this shit.
- You do that.

244
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:35,652
No, I mean right now, yo.
Wait right here.

245
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:38,988
No, I can't. No, no, no, I gotta run.
I gotta go.

246
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,699
What if I gotta make changes
or some shit like that?

247
00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,195
You can e-mail them to me.

248
00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:44,527
That way I can ignore it more easily.
Come on.

249
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,281
You ready?

250
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,585
Damn. Damn, mama,
I gotta read this script.

251
00:11:52,171 --> 00:11:53,878
But you said we were going out tonight.

252
00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:55,921
I know, I know.
I'll make it up to you, all right?

253
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,673
- I'll make it up to you.
- Whatever.

254
00:12:00,179 --> 00:12:01,673
Oh, man.

255
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,597
Yo, is it me, man?

256
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:06,138
Or is she just hot
beyond logic and reason?

257
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,183
She be fine as wine.

258
00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:10,429
- Hey, I told you about...
- Sorry, I'm sorry.

259
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,100
Why don't you just
take her out, you know?

260
00:12:12,191 --> 00:12:13,353
You can read the script later.

261
00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:14,521
Later? Fuck, no, man.

262
00:12:14,610 --> 00:12:16,851
That's my motherfucking career, man.
I take this shit serious, man.

263
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,689
I'm gonna sit in my favourite chair
and read every page.

264
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,856
Even the parts I'm not in.

265
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:23,280
Put a pen to this bitch,
correct all the typos.

266
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,286
- I hate typos. That shit is lazy.
- Yeah. I hate typos, too.

267
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,616
Shit.

268
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,575
I do like when a girl come home
from a club, though.

269
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:31,782
After dancing and drinking,

270
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:33,834
they be hot as a fuck, ready to go.

271
00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:37,253
- What time's your flight?
- Uh, 11:40.

272
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,168
Well, that's plenty of time
to take Kali out for me, man.

273
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,133
That's not plenty of time,
not plenty at all.

274
00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:43,793
Come on, man. Do me a solid.
Take one of my whips.

275
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:46,261
That's tempting.
Would that I could, but I can't.

276
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,808
- My hands are tied.
- What you gonna do,

277
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,802
go to a fucking airport
or spend time with a beautiful woman?

278
00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,354
I've spent many a time
with many a beautiful woman.

279
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,813
- So what's the problem?
- I can't do it.

280
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:54,392
- I can't. I can't.
- That's fucked up, man.

281
00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:55,645
- I gotta run.
- Look, look...

282
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,727
I did you a solid with
fucking Little Romeo, right?

283
00:12:57,819 --> 00:12:59,064
- Ah, no.
- I put his fucking ass

284
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:00,814
- in the hospital for you.
- I did not ask you for that.

285
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,281
Yeah, but you needed that.
I felt what you needed.

286
00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:04,026
That's what brothers do for each other.

287
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,869
They feel each other. Feel me?

288
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,657
All right, a quick bite, but that's it.

289
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:12,030
Hey, that's all I'm fucking asking for.

290
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,370
Nigga, what? Shit.

291
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,785
- All right, OK.
- But, yo...

292
00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:18,757
Keep your motherfucking paws
off her, Moody.

293
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,543
And your fucking penis.

294
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,670
- A'ight.
- I'm serious, man.

295
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:25,007
- I heard that.
- I'm serious, man.

296
00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:27,220
- No, I heard that.
- You be playing too much, yo.

297
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,056
- You got it?
- Communication delivered.

298
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,638
All right, come on.
I got this fucking Caddy

299
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,104
with the hydraulics.

300
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:34,219
This shit's gonna be like...

301
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,346
Bong-bong!

302
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:02,336
I'm so sorry. You must be going nuts.

303
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,795
Charlie, I can't breathe.

304
00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:06,429
I can't breathe.

305
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,204
Hmm.

306
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:42,251
I'm sorry, can I get you
something to drink?

307
00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:44,132
No, I should probably go.

308
00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:47,503
No! No, please, please, please,
don't go.

309
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:51,006
- Please.
- OK.

310
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:13,825
Yeah, this not exactly
what I had in mind.

311
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,823
I'm sure, but whatever you had in mind

312
00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:18,407
is something I probably couldn't stand
for longer than five minutes,

313
00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:21,207
so this will have to do.

314
00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,253
You like torturing me, don't you?

315
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,249
I do. Very much so.

316
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:27,548
- Hey, don't do that.
- Do what?

317
00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:28,964
Don't look like that and talk like that.

318
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:30,596
It makes my wiener feel weird.

319
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,964
Well, we wouldn't want that,
now, would we?

320
00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:42,357
- What was that?
- Self-preservation.

321
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,400
I was warned not
to put my hands on you.

322
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,320
Well, what if I want your hands on me?

323
00:15:47,406 --> 00:15:49,398
You're shit out of luck. They're gone.

324
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:50,950
Arms, too. Blown off in the war.

325
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,363
I'm nothing but a torso now.

326
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,611
Oh, yeah, laugh.
Laugh at the torso guy.

327
00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:56,578
You're a mean and vicious woman.

328
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:58,536
You know he doesn't own me.

329
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,914
Yeah? Well, be that as it may,

330
00:16:01,003 --> 00:16:03,042
he does seem like the jealous type.

331
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,336
That is one way to put it.

332
00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:10,375
He almost chopped off
one of his bodyguard's fingers

333
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,262
for looking at me in an impure manner.

334
00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:15,182
Like there's any other way
to look at you.

335
00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:16,678
OK.

336
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,390
So that's when I tell you,
"Don't talk to me like that."

337
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,104
Cos I might have to put hands on you.

338
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:22,809
- Mmm-hmm.
- Mmm-hmm.

339
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:26,024
So he's crazy,

340
00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:27,392
and you're crazy beautiful.

341
00:16:28,322 --> 00:16:30,148
What's in it for you?

342
00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:33,614
Well, he discovered me,

343
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,029
and he signed me to his label

344
00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:38,197
and he's producing my album.

345
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:39,868
And that's it?

346
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:42,824
No.

347
00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:46,916
You know, it's not like
we're exclusive to each other.

348
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,539
- Mmm-hmm.
- Mmm-hmm.

349
00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:52,719
I honestly can't even count
how many baby mamas he's got.

350
00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:55,509
Oh, that sounds complicated.
I like to keep it simple.

351
00:16:55,599 --> 00:16:58,304
I only have the one baby mama.

352
00:16:59,478 --> 00:17:01,517
- Yeah. You told me about that.
- Mmm-hmm.

353
00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:04,148
- Dance with me.
- No.

354
00:17:04,233 --> 00:17:05,727
- No, no, no.
- Come on.

355
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:08,309
No. Hankie don't dance.

356
00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:10,988
Hold my purse.

357
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:15,403
You've got a really beautiful
place here, Charlie.

358
00:17:15,494 --> 00:17:17,451
Well, thank you, thank you.

359
00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:18,652
I'm jealous.

360
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:20,122
You seem like
you have it all figured it out.

361
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,788
Are you kidding?
I don't know anything about anything.

362
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,255
What are you talking about?

363
00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:31,088
You've got this great kid,
a successful career,

364
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:32,884
a working automobile.

365
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:34,843
True, true and true.

366
00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:38,180
I also have a failed marriage,

367
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:41,517
a number of truly humiliating
career turns

368
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,679
and I haven't got
an ounce of love in my life.

369
00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:46,773
- Hmm. Join the club.
- Come on.

370
00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:49,107
A beautiful girl like you?

371
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:51,230
I bet you have your pick of the litter.

372
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:52,650
Of creeps, yes.

373
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,028
Any creep I want is mine for the taking.

374
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:59,161
It's hard to find a nice guy in LA.
I'm not beautiful.

375
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:00,409
- Really?
- Hmm.

376
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:02,656
You're insane.

377
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,621
And you're sweet.
But I don't really fit the mould.

378
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,461
Don't even know if I really belong here.

379
00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:10,251
I mean, I want to write
children's books, not screenplays.

380
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,669
Wait a second, didn't you tell me

381
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,336
you were working your way
through cooking school?

382
00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:16,295
Yeah, that's the other thing.
I can't make up my mind.

383
00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:18,713
I want to be someone new
every other week.

384
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,445
You like that? Tell me you like it.

385
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:35,357
Tell me you want Charlie's
dirty fingers inside your pudding.

386
00:18:35,449 --> 00:18:36,528
No, Charlie.

387
00:18:36,617 --> 00:18:39,155
I won't tell you that, and I don't like it.

388
00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:40,620
- What?
- You kind of just

389
00:18:40,704 --> 00:18:42,495
finger-blasted me out of nowhere.

390
00:18:42,581 --> 00:18:44,823
I know, I know. I'm sorry.

391
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,702
Look, I don't know
who you've been talking to,

392
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,833
or what kind of porn
you've been watching,

393
00:18:48,921 --> 00:18:50,830
but girls in the real world,
we don't go from kissing

394
00:18:50,923 --> 00:18:53,496
to finger-banging
in a matter of seconds.

395
00:18:53,592 --> 00:18:55,631
You're right, you're right.
You're absolutely right.

396
00:18:55,719 --> 00:19:00,428
I have been watching
so much porn on the Internet lately.

397
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:03,089
And I've been seeking
so much sexual gratification

398
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:05,094
that it's like I don't even know
how to relate

399
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:08,188
- to real women any more.
- Clearly.

400
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,847
Yeah, it's as if going ATM
has become de rigueur.

401
00:19:11,944 --> 00:19:13,142
Um...

402
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,769
- What?
- Ass to mouth.

403
00:19:16,073 --> 00:19:18,361
- Oh, that's not good.
- I know.

404
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,609
No, I mean you could get an infection.

405
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:23,240
I know. Been there.

406
00:19:35,551 --> 00:19:38,836
Oh, what do we have here?

407
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:45,389
Hey, who's this clown?

408
00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:48,312
Just some old guy from earlier
who keeps hitting on me.

409
00:19:48,397 --> 00:19:50,224
Said he'd give me 30 bucks
for a hand job.

410
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,771
Oh, are we're playing
that game now, are we?

411
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,940
Yo, pal, why don't you just
take a walk somewhere?

412
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:58,485
Why don't you just kiss
my turd cutter, little lumberjack?

413
00:19:58,574 --> 00:20:00,780
OK. So what's up?

414
00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:02,528
- Oh, no.
- You wanna get hit?

415
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:03,995
You want a dry thumb up the ass?

416
00:20:05,289 --> 00:20:06,664
You had to think about it, right?

417
00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:08,706
You wanna just get out of here?

418
00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:09,871
- Gladly.
- No, no, no.

419
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,158
- You don't want to do that.
- Why not?

420
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,246
Cos I'm in charge of
getting you home safely.

421
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:14,714
No, I'm in charge of
getting me home safely.

422
00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:16,209
Now you're just splitting hairs.

423
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,091
Little hairs. Pubic hairs.

424
00:20:18,177 --> 00:20:19,635
Well, that's impossible.

425
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,048
Cos I don't have any pubic hairs.

426
00:20:21,138 --> 00:20:22,798
Come on.
Why would you want to do that?

427
00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:24,633
What's wrong with a little hair
down there?

428
00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:27,180
You kids today with
your self-loathing pube abuse.

429
00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:28,597
What about you, buster?

430
00:20:28,687 --> 00:20:30,763
- Keep a clean playground?
- What the fuck?

431
00:20:30,856 --> 00:20:33,062
It's a simple question, brosephine.

432
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:35,557
Broseph... Yeah, yeah.
Of course, everyone does.

433
00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:36,857
Ah.

434
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,605
- Homo.
- Say what?

435
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:40,025
Homo.

436
00:20:40,324 --> 00:20:41,522
What?

437
00:20:41,617 --> 00:20:43,526
You really think you're having
better sex than your parents?

438
00:20:43,619 --> 00:20:45,576
You think that your father loved
your mother's beautiful pussy

439
00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,489
any less because
she had more hair down there?

440
00:20:47,581 --> 00:20:49,289
Don't be talking about my mom's pussy.

441
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:51,533
What? I said it was beautiful, man.

442
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:53,169
What are you doing?

443
00:20:56,757 --> 00:20:58,999
Whoo! Oh, sorry. You're crazy.

444
00:21:06,058 --> 00:21:08,134
Now, this is more like it.

445
00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:11,101
I still can't believe you gave
that guy a titty-twister.

446
00:21:11,313 --> 00:21:12,558
Mmm.

447
00:21:13,607 --> 00:21:16,940
The titty-twister is frowned upon
in some circles,

448
00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:20,692
but it's actually a remarkably
effective street-fighting tool.

449
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:23,866
And it can diffuse
a potentially incendiary situation.

450
00:21:23,951 --> 00:21:26,027
And it provokes laughter. You see that?

451
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,326
- What'd I tell you?
- Oh, gosh.

452
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:31,786
I'm having fun.

453
00:21:31,875 --> 00:21:34,662
Well, of course you are.
I know how to show a girl a good time.

454
00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:36,793
A few drinks, some dancing,
a little titty-twisting,

455
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,837
toss a few burgers down her throat.

456
00:21:38,924 --> 00:21:41,462
Get her home before this low-rider
turns back into a pumpkin.

457
00:21:41,593 --> 00:21:43,004
Bong-bong.

458
00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:47,421
- This is amazing.
- That?

459
00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:50,342
- Bargain-basement promise land?
- Um.

460
00:21:50,978 --> 00:21:54,560
Say what you want, but this is
where dreams come true.

461
00:21:55,107 --> 00:21:57,064
Or come to die.

462
00:21:57,985 --> 00:21:59,099
Where you from?

463
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:01,696
Born and bred in the Bronx.

464
00:22:01,780 --> 00:22:03,155
- The Bronx?
- Mmm-hmm.

465
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,027
- That's an amazing place to be from.
- Yeah.

466
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,283
Well, how many of us
make it from there to here?

467
00:22:09,371 --> 00:22:10,949
Doesn't matter. You did.

468
00:22:11,832 --> 00:22:13,824
We'll see how long I last.

469
00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:16,408
I heard your music. I don't think
you have anything to worry about.

470
00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:23,715
So, you leave tonight?

471
00:22:24,303 --> 00:22:26,509
Yes, sirree, ma'am.

472
00:22:26,597 --> 00:22:28,305
- Let me ask you a question.
- Mmm-hmm.

473
00:22:28,390 --> 00:22:30,264
If you're leaving tonight,
like, this very night.

474
00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:31,595
Yeah.

475
00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:33,476
What's the harm in a good-bye kiss?

476
00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:38,516
Well, when you put it that way,
it's hard to see the harm.

477
00:22:38,609 --> 00:22:40,067
I know, right?

478
00:22:41,028 --> 00:22:43,353
- Maybe just one.
- Oh, yes. Of course.

479
00:23:18,273 --> 00:23:20,515
What the fuck you got to say
for yourself now, motherfucker?

480
00:23:20,609 --> 00:23:21,807
Uh...

481
00:23:22,069 --> 00:23:23,777
<i>- Come on!
- Santa Monica Cop</i>

482
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:25,487
cannot be my last credit.

483
00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:29,784
Oh, my God.

484
00:23:30,285 --> 00:23:31,863
I'm just fucking with you, Moody.

485
00:23:31,954 --> 00:23:33,531
It's funny how at peace I was with it.

486
00:23:33,622 --> 00:23:36,991
Yeah, well, you seemed
like you were really relaxed.

487
00:23:37,084 --> 00:23:38,459
What's up, mama?

488
00:23:38,544 --> 00:23:40,417
Man, the fucking script was
off the charts, homie.

489
00:23:41,046 --> 00:23:43,371
- You like it?
- Like it? Nigga, I love it, man.

490
00:23:43,465 --> 00:23:45,458
Made me one bad-ass motherfucker.

491
00:23:45,551 --> 00:23:47,259
I'll be able to walk on that set
with confidence, dude.

492
00:23:47,344 --> 00:23:49,502
My dick just swinging everywhere, man.

493
00:23:50,097 --> 00:23:52,255
Thank you, Moody. For real.

494
00:23:52,558 --> 00:23:54,349
You're welcome, Calvin.

495
00:23:54,434 --> 00:23:55,845
He show you a good time, mama?

496
00:23:55,936 --> 00:23:57,395
Yeah, it was all right.

497
00:23:57,479 --> 00:23:59,602
Kind of limited, boring white guy.

498
00:24:00,732 --> 00:24:02,476
Guilty as charged.

499
00:24:07,573 --> 00:24:09,031
You all two motherfuckers
knocked boots, man?

500
00:24:09,116 --> 00:24:10,943
- What the fuck?
- Babe, I mean, honestly, come on.

501
00:24:11,034 --> 00:24:12,659
I mean, this guy? Are you serious?

502
00:24:12,744 --> 00:24:15,745
Well, way to knock a guy
when he's got a gun to his throat.

503
00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:21,867
I'm just fucking with you, bro.

504
00:24:21,962 --> 00:24:24,251
I can't stop fucking with you, man.

505
00:24:24,339 --> 00:24:25,537
I'm in character.

506
00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:27,127
Understood.

507
00:24:28,927 --> 00:24:30,754
- You got a flight to catch, right?
- Mos def.

508
00:24:31,597 --> 00:24:33,174
Sorry.

509
00:24:33,265 --> 00:24:35,673
I do have a flight to catch.

510
00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:38,721
- Safe travels.
- See you around, Hank.

511
00:24:38,812 --> 00:24:41,268
Yeah, good luck with that
whole becoming-a-star thing.

512
00:24:41,356 --> 00:24:43,183
Ah, thank you,
and good luck with that whole

513
00:24:43,275 --> 00:24:44,520
keeping-it-simple thing.

514
00:24:44,610 --> 00:24:47,231
Ah, speaking of which, look.
It's from the baby mama.

515
00:24:47,321 --> 00:24:49,397
Ah, shit, I got a lot
of those motherfuckers.

516
00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:51,981
- Yeah, how many?
- Shit, I'm not sure.

517
00:24:52,075 --> 00:24:54,483
- I got it written down somewhere.
- Yes.

518
00:24:55,037 --> 00:24:56,068
Hello?

519
00:24:57,122 --> 00:24:58,451
Hey.

520
00:24:58,540 --> 00:25:00,034
Where is she?

521
00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:04,248
She's in her room. She won't come out.

522
00:25:04,338 --> 00:25:07,042
I mean, I haven't seen her
this upset since...

523
00:25:08,300 --> 00:25:09,379
Ever.

524
00:25:09,468 --> 00:25:11,259
- You're burying the lead.
- Which is saying something.

525
00:25:11,345 --> 00:25:12,922
This is good news.

526
00:25:13,013 --> 00:25:14,424
They broke up. He's gone.

527
00:25:14,848 --> 00:25:16,556
Yeah, but I'm not going
to break out the champagne

528
00:25:16,642 --> 00:25:18,551
when she's this upset.

529
00:25:19,102 --> 00:25:21,593
- He was cheating on her, Hank.
- You're kidding.

530
00:25:21,688 --> 00:25:23,266
I'll alert the media.

531
00:25:24,358 --> 00:25:26,979
- Nice.
- Why would he tell her that?

532
00:25:27,069 --> 00:25:28,563
I don't know.

533
00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:33,567
These things, they...

534
00:25:34,785 --> 00:25:36,493
They hurt, you know?

535
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:40,492
I know.

536
00:25:43,919 --> 00:25:46,077
Can I come in
or are visiting hours over?

537
00:25:47,005 --> 00:25:48,713
- Shut up.
- There's my girl.

538
00:25:50,884 --> 00:25:52,877
You can come in.

539
00:25:52,970 --> 00:25:54,547
But you'd better not gloat.

540
00:25:54,638 --> 00:25:56,761
Gloat? Me?

541
00:25:57,432 --> 00:25:58,631
Never.

542
00:25:59,184 --> 00:26:01,260
Please, you hated him.

543
00:26:01,353 --> 00:26:03,559
Yes, I did. But I hate everybody.

544
00:26:04,231 --> 00:26:05,855
And you've got a tough road
ahead of you.

545
00:26:06,984 --> 00:26:09,688
Nobody's gonna be good enough
for my little girl.

546
00:26:12,447 --> 00:26:15,947
Guess I finally understand why mom
put up with your shit for so long.

547
00:26:17,286 --> 00:26:19,325
What do you mean?

548
00:26:20,831 --> 00:26:23,785
He's an asshole, and
I hate his stinking guts right now.

549
00:26:24,710 --> 00:26:26,667
But it doesn't mean I don't love him.

550
00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:29,708
Yeah.

551
00:26:31,258 --> 00:26:32,669
I get that.

552
00:26:33,552 --> 00:26:35,379
And he was a great lover.

553
00:26:40,767 --> 00:26:42,012
That's gross, honey.

554
00:26:42,102 --> 00:26:43,383
Sorry.

555
00:26:43,896 --> 00:26:46,054
Thought I was talking
to a friend for a minute there.

556
00:26:46,148 --> 00:26:48,983
Yeah, no, you are,
and that's a great compliment.

557
00:26:49,568 --> 00:26:51,561
But it doesn't make it any less grody.

558
00:26:52,821 --> 00:26:54,861
Have to hand it to the guy, though.

559
00:26:55,616 --> 00:26:57,158
He was honest.

560
00:26:57,910 --> 00:27:01,160
OK, that's good, right?

561
00:27:02,247 --> 00:27:06,790
In a totally soul-crushing,
heartbreaking kind of way, sure.

562
00:27:08,253 --> 00:27:11,456
He fessed up to being a lying, cheating,

563
00:27:11,548 --> 00:27:13,837
skulduggerous little manwhore.

564
00:27:21,225 --> 00:27:22,719
Come on, let's go.

565
00:27:22,809 --> 00:27:24,849
We'll go to the canals.
We'll walk on the canals.

566
00:27:24,937 --> 00:27:27,060
Remember we used to do the shit
out of that when you were a kid?

567
00:27:27,147 --> 00:27:29,816
It's like penicillin for the lovelorn.
Come on.

568
00:27:30,734 --> 00:27:33,059
- Come on, let's go.
- Don't you have a plane to catch?

569
00:27:33,153 --> 00:27:35,609
I can always get one tomorrow.

570
00:27:35,697 --> 00:27:38,188
Or the next day, or the next day.

571
00:27:38,283 --> 00:27:40,406
There's no place I'd rather be.

572
00:27:49,169 --> 00:27:51,078
I'm sorry, sweetie.