1
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<i>Previously on Californication...</i>

2
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,133
I just want to know
what you see us becoming...

3
00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:14,881
I enjoy the casual nature of things.

4
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,883
- I'm a casual guy.
- Asshole.

5
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,466
I've got kind of
a bunny-boiler situation happening.

6
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:20,937
She's got a key to my place.

7
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,350
Wow.

8
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:23,727
Who that?

9
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:25,559
My apartment's on fire.

10
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:26,937
I just got fired.

11
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,518
Hey, are you looking for a new gig?

12
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:32,567
I'm lonely. I long for companionship.

13
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:37,037
You like that? Tell me you like it.

14
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,038
No, Charlie. I won't tell you that,
and I don't like it.

15
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:43,208
I don't even know how to
relate to real women any more.

16
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:44,953
Clearly. I am your child's nanny,

17
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,618
which makes this whole thing
pretty inappropriate.

18
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,043
Right.

19
00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:50,800
Hey, Tyler.

20
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,461
This is not what it looks like.
This is my sister.

21
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,672
You will tell her that
you are a lying, cheating,

22
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,473
skulduggerous little manwhore.

23
00:00:58,559 --> 00:00:59,804
- You hear me?
- I hear you.

24
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,016
- He was cheating on her, Hank.
- You're kidding.

25
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:05,140
He fessed up to being a lying, cheating,

26
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,640
skulduggerous little manwhore.

27
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,964
- You're blowing up.
- What does that mean?

28
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,711
You're a fucking pimp!

29
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:36,428
Oh, yeah, but not in a good way.

30
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,636
It's that chick from New York,
the bunny-boiler.

31
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,266
The one who set
your apartment on fire?

32
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,177
Yeah, yeah, Carrie. The very same.

33
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,226
She said she was just burning
all my first editions,

34
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,973
but it got a little out of control.

35
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,223
Understandable. These things happen.

36
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,475
- She still pissed at you?
- No, not so much.

37
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,478
It's all sweet talk and sexting now.

38
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,445
She's here on business
and wants to see me.

39
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,903
- Are you gonna do it?
- Hells to the no.

40
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:59,863
She's a psycho. Awfully wonderful
in the boudoir, though.

41
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,361
That's why I kept it going
long after the expiration date.

42
00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:04,408
What was so wonderful about it?

43
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,991
Just the enthusiasm, really.

44
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:10,003
You know, it was as if the act itself
was rejuvenating to her.

45
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,758
It was as if she were dying of thirst

46
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:15,297
and my cock were the fountain
of everlasting youth.

47
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,046
Mmm, must be nice.

48
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,762
I don't think a woman
has ever looked at my dick

49
00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,472
like it offered health benefits
of any kind.

50
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:26,013
Aw, shit. She says
she's got a surprise for me.

51
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,183
Maybe she
killed Karen and Becca.

52
00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:31,651
I'm not sure that's funny, Charlie.

53
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,738
I'm sorry, sometimes
I forget where the line is.

54
00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:38,273
No. No fucking way, right?

55
00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,193
- You tell her where you were staying?
- No.

56
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,160
Then you're all good.

57
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:58,923
- Surprise!
- Oh, geez!

58
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,336
Mmm.

59
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,348
Mmm... Ooh...

60
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,637
- Hi.
- Hi.

61
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:08,812
- How did you...
- I tracked your iPhone, silly.

62
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,724
Remember I figured out
your password that one time.

63
00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:13,223
Oh, right. Yeah, that one time.

64
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,189
OK.

65
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:17,154
Are we really just gonna
stand here with the chit-chat

66
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:19,397
when we could be
fucking each other's brains out?

67
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,338
Jesus fucking Christ.

68
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,923
I think you just added
seven years to my life.

69
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,837
- Oh, that's my gift.
- Oh.

70
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,637
I fuck in dog years.

71
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:26,723
Oh, it just fits so nicely inside there.

72
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,974
Hey, I would love to
make a plaster cast of your dick

73
00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:31,770
and then make a dildo from it.

74
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,231
- That's crazy.
- Mmm-hmm.

75
00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:35,557
Yet flattering.
And not so terrible an idea.

76
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:36,896
Maybe you could make
an extra one for me?

77
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,065
I could fuck Charlie with it.

78
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,027
Oh, my body responds to you, Hank.

79
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,735
It does things my brain says it shouldn't.

80
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,778
Tell me about it. My brain can't
believe I just slept with an arsonist.

81
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:48,158
- Yeah.
- A book-burner to boot.

82
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:50,998
Am I that much a slave
to my fleshy massah?

83
00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:54,665
No, it's me. Once you entered me,
there was no turning back.

84
00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,793
I bought the ticket, I took the ride.

85
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,295
I never know if we're speaking
metaphorically or not,

86
00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:02,918
- it's exhausting.
- I know! I'm exhausted, too.

87
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:04,256
You just fucked me something proper.

88
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,137
I think you just
added seven years to my life.

89
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,050
- You said that already.
- I did?

90
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,386
- Mmm-hmm.
- Oh.

91
00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,642
I'm so drunk on cock.

92
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,187
You're insane, you know that?

93
00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:14,351
When are you
coming back to New York?

94
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:15,638
I don't know.

95
00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:17,772
I'm in the middle
of this wacky screenwriting gig,

96
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:20,315
and my daughter's all distraught
about her asshole boyfriend

97
00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:21,649
and that might be all my fault.

98
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,731
- So it could be a while.
- OK, listen, listen, listen.

99
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:28,153
I got offered a job here, a good one,
and I think I'm gonna take it.

100
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,497
- Jesus saves.
- No, no, no, no, no!

101
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,291
Don't get it. Fuck me again!
Stay here, fuck me again!

102
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:35,621
And again. And again.

103
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:37,039
You don't wanna live forever, do you?

104
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,377
- Hi!
- Hi.

105
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,925
So we're off to Neptune's Net
for some heartbreak comfort food.

106
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,389
Oh. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

107
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:50,181
My heart is hungry.

108
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,094
- Aw, sweetie.
- Care to join us, Papa?

109
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:54,308
Yes, that's a good... Let's go, come on.

110
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,305
Do you wanna put on some pants?

111
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,395
It's not a question of want, Karen,
it's a question of time.

112
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,442
Come on, last one to the car
has a rotten crotch.

113
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,066
- Hi.
- Hi.

114
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,362
Aren't you going to introduce us, Dad?

115
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:10,743
- This is my daughter, Becca.
- Aw.

116
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,367
- And her mother, Karen.
- Oh, the famous Karen.

117
00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:16,156
- Oh, famous?
- In some circles.

118
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:18,659
Um, nice to meet you.

119
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:23,291
- Carrie.
- Carrie, from New York.

120
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:24,670
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

121
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,880
I'm sorry, I didn't forget.
I was just distracted.

122
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:30,094
I was quietly praying for an earthquake.

123
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:32,091
Hank, this is so not a big deal.

124
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:35,553
I'm married.
And Becca, she's an adult now, so...

125
00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:38,476
This is nothing. I've seen some shit.

126
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,772
Yes, yes, she's seen some shit.

127
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,148
- We assume you're out there dating.
- Oh, no, we're not dating.

128
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,351
Yeah, right. What she said.

129
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,771
No, I would love to,
but Hank's damaged.

130
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,063
- Broken, really.
- Mmm-hmm.

131
00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:50,032
Old dog, no new tricks.

132
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,317
You know what?

133
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,653
You guys, you should
come over for dinner tonight.

134
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,241
- Oh, no.
- Yes, we're gonna celebrate.

135
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,447
You don't even know
what we're celebrating.

136
00:06:56,542 --> 00:06:57,787
Doesn't matter. Not gonna do it.

137
00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,703
Stu has optioned Richard's new novel.

138
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:01,254
Oh, well, whoop-dee-doo, Karen.

139
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:04,090
You know how much I hate
celebrating other writers' successes.

140
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:07,424
<i>- Schadenfreude, baby.
- Come on, Marcy and Stu'll be there.</i>

141
00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:09,338
- It's gonna be fun.
- Or not.

142
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,888
- Help me.
- No.

143
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,799
You know, unfortunately,
I have to have drinks

144
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,967
with a friend of a friend,
it's sort of a date sitch.

145
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,803
Oh, you see that?
She has to move on with her life.

146
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,813
No, but I would
much rather do this, yeah.

147
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,234
I'm so excited.
I can't wait to meet your friends.

148
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:30,565
Oh, yeah, they're not really friends.
I wouldn't describe them as.

149
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,411
More like a bunch of
very entertaining narcissists.

150
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:34,824
You know what? I like LA.

151
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,072
I do. I could picture myself being here.

152
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,197
- No.
- Yes.

153
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,415
You don't wanna come here
and become a cunty gym face.

154
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,411
Yeah, one of those girls that
comes out to LA, joins the gym,

155
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:46,087
gets addicted and then
next thing you know they're...

156
00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:47,633
Oh.

157
00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:51,715
- You're funny.
- I have my moments.

158
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:55,139
We have fun.
We're so good together, Hank.

159
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,467
- We have our moments.
- Hey, hey, hey.

160
00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:59,435
You never... You never said anything,
by the way.

161
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:00,932
- About?
- About my job opportunity.

162
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:05,234
Oh, yeah, well, you know what?
I think you've got a great job

163
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,813
in the publishing capital of the world.

164
00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:07,935
Why would you leave that?

165
00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:09,310
Oh, because the business is changing.

166
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:10,865
- Print is dead, yadda-yadda-yadda.
- Oh.

167
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:14,235
Besides, I could be closer to this.

168
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,030
Hey, what are you doing?

169
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:17,615
I mean, I like what you're doing.

170
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:19,248
I just don't know
where you're going with it.

171
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,491
I think I might be going
straight to blowjob city.

172
00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,245
- Oh, that far?
- Yeah. What do you think about that?

173
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:25,875
Well, my eyes, they say no, but...

174
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:29,757
My dick, he says, "Yeah, I could eat."

175
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:33,010
Ooh, I really...
I think we need to examine

176
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,472
what you're getting out
of this relationship.

177
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:36,922
Hey.

178
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:40,144
Hank!

179
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,312
Hi, you must be Carrie.

180
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,691
So,

181
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,652
am I gonna like this gal or what?

182
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:54,940
She's very nice.

183
00:08:55,494 --> 00:08:57,617
OK, just so you know,
"She's very nice"...

184
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,827
- Mmm-hmm.
- Sounds like a weight problem.

185
00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:02,121
You said you wanted
to meet someone nice.

186
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,616
You said a normal woman.
And she is the nicest,

187
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,953
most normal woman
I know in all of Los Angeles.

188
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,834
OK, OK, I just... I hate blind dates.

189
00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:12,131
- The worst.
- I could stay home.

190
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,295
Hey, we could watch
a movie or something.

191
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,215
Inappropriate, Charlie.

192
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,504
- Right, that.
- Mmm-hmm.

193
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,141
Yes, that.

194
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:23,177
You didn't tell her about
my inappropriate behaviour, did you?

195
00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:27,056
Yes, I told her that you shoved
your hand up my skirt

196
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,357
and started talking like a sexual deviant.

197
00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:32,611
- What did she say?
- I'm kidding, Charlie.

198
00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:35,273
I was trying to talk you up,
not have you arrested.

199
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:37,775
OK, OK, OK.
So, uh, if Stuart wakes up...

200
00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:39,696
I've got it covered.
I've got the touch. Remember?

201
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:42,196
- Yes, you do. OK.
- Mmm-hmm.

202
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,282
Any advice?

203
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,705
Just be yourself, Charlie.

204
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,331
And who is that, exactly?

205
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,343
I'd like to propose a toast to the bravest,

206
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:02,220
most erotic book I have ever read.

207
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:05,015
<i>- Blood Mountain, by Richard Bates.
- Eh, eh, eh, eh.</i>

208
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,181
<i>That's exactly what you said about
Fucking & Punching.</i>

209
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,554
Word for word.

210
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,192
- And I meant it, Hank.
- Aw.

211
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,602
No, I did. I did.
It doesn't make it any less true.

212
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:15,104
All right, well,
here's to bending over and taking it,

213
00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:16,609
- Hollywood-style.
- Oh, my God.

214
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:20,401
<i>And this from the 19th writer
on Santa Monica Cop.</i>

215
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:21,694
I'm touched.

216
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,331
Aah, douché, my friend, douché.

217
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,289
Kiss me, you supercilious fuck.

218
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,997
- So, Carrie, I have to ask.
- Yes, Karen.

219
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,957
How did you manage
to nail down Hank for...

220
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:32,246
- It's a year, right?
- Almost a year, yeah.

221
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:34,796
Yeah, well, I would love to say
it was me, but I think it was the sex.

222
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:37,464
He unleashed
something in me, you know?

223
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,048
Something primal.

224
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,974
Before Hank, it was just me
and that little Pink Rabbit.

225
00:10:42,059 --> 00:10:43,553
Yeah, where is that Pink Rabbit today?

226
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,138
Sex toys.

227
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:46,391
- What's the consensus?
- Oh, my God.

228
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,519
- I love them.
- Could we just pretend

229
00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:51,691
to talk about politics
or the environment or...

230
00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:53,935
And then, maybe, you know,
end up with sex?

231
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:55,772
Karen, Karen, we're all grownups here.

232
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,987
- No, we're not.
- Karen hates talking about sex.

233
00:10:58,075 --> 00:11:00,317
- She ain't gonna do it.
- I do not.

234
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,984
OK, you guys wanna see something?
Here we go.

235
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,368
- Sex.
- No.

236
00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:07,248
Vagina. Pussy.

237
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,161
- Aah!
- Big hairy pussy!

238
00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,586
You know what? I used to be that way.

239
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,001
I did. I was really closed off.

240
00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:16,498
I was borderline frigid, actually.

241
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:17,756
Oh.

242
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:20,336
No, no, no, I'm not saying...
But Hank, he opened me up.

243
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,138
- He does. Yes, yeah.
- He did.

244
00:11:22,224 --> 00:11:25,593
- Emotionally and creatively.
- Yup, yeah, that's me.

245
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,228
The emotional safecracker.

246
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,803
Well, for what it's worth,
I find Karen to be

247
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,476
- easily the most sexual woman...
- Shut up.

248
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:33,476
I've ever had the good fortune
to copulate with.

249
00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:35,193
- Holy crap.
- Wow, well, that's...

250
00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:38,280
She's quite ferocious, actually.
Like a lioness.

251
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,274
I wanna go
and put my head in the oven.

252
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,861
Will you save room for me?

253
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:46,619
The reason I brought this up
was because I like the toys.

254
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,534
- Mmm.
- Marcy not so much.

255
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:51,543
- Oh.
- It's not that I don't like them, OK?

256
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:54,166
It's just that the noise
takes me out of the game.

257
00:11:54,256 --> 00:11:55,715
It's that...

258
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,339
Or... Whatever.

259
00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:03,338
OK, so I tried to control
the noise factor by suggesting

260
00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:06,101
that perhaps
we incorporate something quieter.

261
00:12:06,185 --> 00:12:08,011
Dildo, perhaps.

262
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:10,475
- Uh, she balks.
- Baby,

263
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:12,853
why would I need a dildo
when I have you?

264
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,641
- Well, that's nice.
- That's crazy.

265
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:18,405
I mean, back in the Runkle era,
however,

266
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:22,528
I really could have probably
benefitted from something

267
00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:26,200
with some girth, some... Just fold it
over a couple of times, something!

268
00:12:26,288 --> 00:12:29,621
Hey, don't speak ill of my boy
when he's not here to defend himself.

269
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,535
Innocent until proven diminutive.

270
00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:33,915
- That's what I would say.
- You fill me up, baby.

271
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,922
- That is exactly how I feel about Hank.
- Oh, Jesus.

272
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,964
- He fills me up.
- Carrie, come on, just...

273
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,919
What? We're talking.

274
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:44,214
- We're all talking frankly about sex.
- Yes, but it's not encounter group.

275
00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:46,263
You don't have to talk quite so frankly.

276
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:48,722
That's all right, Carrie,
I'll talk frankly about sex.

277
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,136
Yeah, I'll talk frankly about dildos.
I'm no stranger.

278
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:54,642
- A man's anus is an erogenous zone.
- Oh, my God.

279
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:57,224
There's certainly nothing gay about
having one's prostate stimulated.

280
00:12:57,319 --> 00:12:59,857
Oh, is that right?
Sounds pretty gay to me, Batesy.

281
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,782
Sounds about as gay as Tom Hanks
in a white sailor's outfit.

282
00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,147
I don't see it that way, Hank.

283
00:13:04,243 --> 00:13:07,576
You've inserted a dildo
into this man's gaping bunghole?

284
00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:09,454
Oh, you know me.

285
00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:13,158
I don't know if I'm proud of you
or ashamed or just sad for humanity

286
00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:15,493
or maybe all three, I don't know.

287
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,461
If the truth be known, no, she hasn't.

288
00:13:17,548 --> 00:13:19,540
- She's not comfortable with it.
- Thank you.

289
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:22,504
And I'm not comfortable with anything
my bride's not comfortable with.

290
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:24,293
That's nice, that's nice.

291
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,048
Besides, that was a long time ago.

292
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,799
Boundaries were
pretty blurry back then.

293
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:30,050
Oh, yeah, that was the gay '90s, huh?

294
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,385
It seems like it was raining
cock back then, was it?

295
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,768
Hey, I would do that for you.

296
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:37,561
I would stimulate your prostate
with pride and zero prejudice.

297
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:40,059
That's really sweet of you, thank you.

298
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,360
Oh, come on, Hank.
You've never experimented?

299
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:45,199
No circle jerks?
No towel-snapping incidents?

300
00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:47,407
Swordfights, perhaps?

301
00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:07,597
That was a pretty big one.

302
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,887
- Hmm? What?
- That silence.

303
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:13,558
That incredibly awkward silence.

304
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:15,056
It's our third of the night, you know?

305
00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:17,223
Really? Uh...

306
00:14:17,316 --> 00:14:19,189
I wasn't counting.

307
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:22,941
But you know what? I really think
awkward silences get a bad rap.

308
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:27,617
Because, uh, who really
has that much to say?

309
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:30,573
Don't worry, you don't have to make
excuses. I'm sure it's my fault.

310
00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,454
- Don't be silly.
- I'm not being silly.

311
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,947
I just... I'm out of practice.

312
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:39,086
I haven't been out on a proper date
in a long time.

313
00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:41,662
- Tell me about it.
- Well, he took me to Medieval Times,

314
00:14:41,757 --> 00:14:43,548
but the guy was a little handsy.

315
00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:46,469
I mean, he just kept putting his hand
up my skirt during the jousting,

316
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,095
which would have been fine.

317
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:50,552
It's just that, you know,
you eat with your hands,

318
00:14:50,641 --> 00:14:53,214
and he'd been really
fingering his chicken.

319
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:55,307
OK.

320
00:15:03,529 --> 00:15:05,735
- Four and counting.
- OK, OK, OK,

321
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:09,951
look, um, we can just either,
you know, cash in our chips,

322
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,577
go our separate ways right now,

323
00:15:11,662 --> 00:15:16,952
or we can decide to power through
and find some common ground.

324
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,287
- I'm game if you're game.
- Sure!

325
00:15:18,377 --> 00:15:19,954
- What do you say?
- Yeah, I'm game.

326
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,583
- I like your spirit, Charlie.
- OK.

327
00:15:22,673 --> 00:15:24,749
So how do you know Lizzie?

328
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,503
She's in my book club.

329
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,586
Awesome! Books! Excellent topic.

330
00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:29,710
- Nicely done.
- Thank you.

331
00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:31,347
How do you like to read these days?

332
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,590
Digital age and whatnot? Nook? IPad?

333
00:15:33,684 --> 00:15:35,261
- I'm a Nook girl!
- OK, well,

334
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,890
you're looking at an iPad guy.
What are you reading right now?

335
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,387
What is on your virtual bookshelf?

336
00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:43,056
<i>Oh, uh, Blood Mountain
by Richard Bates.</i>

337
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:45,643
Have you read it?
Oh, my God. It is so dirty.

338
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:49,486
- I sold the film rights.
- You're shitting me.

339
00:15:49,575 --> 00:15:51,651
You know what I think
we're looking at right here, Mary?

340
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:55,658
I think it's a little something
they call common ground.

341
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:58,155
- Up high.
- Oh. My hands are a little sweaty.

342
00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:00,456
You know that the average length
of sexual intercourse

343
00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:02,501
is only two-and-a-half minutes.

344
00:16:02,588 --> 00:16:04,497
Yeah, well, that means nothing
when you're tantric.

345
00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:05,704
I'm working on that.

346
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,210
- Well, it's a long journey, my friend.
- Mmm.

347
00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:09,005
Well worth it in the end.

348
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,550
Look, after a couple of decades
with prima Charlie,

349
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:15,387
anything longer than a Ramones song
seems like tantric sex to me.

350
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,552
I haven't released a batch in 14 years.

351
00:16:17,728 --> 00:16:18,842
Ew.

352
00:16:18,937 --> 00:16:20,811
- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing.

353
00:16:20,898 --> 00:16:22,440
It happens on the inside.
Tell them, Karen.

354
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:24,351
I can't... Oh, my God.

355
00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:25,605
She was insulted at first.

356
00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:27,402
Thought she was doing
something wrong.

357
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,860
But God damn it, she wasn't.
She was doing everything right.

358
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:30,980
Check, please.

359
00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:33,316
I mean, she was making me explode,
but up here.

360
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:34,489
- Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah.

361
00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:35,823
- Ew.
- When we make love,

362
00:16:35,913 --> 00:16:38,486
it is like a Fourth of July fireworks

363
00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:41,037
display in the screening room
that is my mind.

364
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:43,368
I don't get this whole tantric sex deal-io.

365
00:16:43,462 --> 00:16:46,379
Sex should have
a very strict three-act structure.

366
00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:48,956
Beginning, middle and end.
Maybe a third act twist thrown

367
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:51,589
- in there for good measure.
- Listen, Hank is an incredible lover.

368
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,252
Oh, for fuck's sake, Carrie. Come on.

369
00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:56,221
- I'm fine with it.
- She knows.

370
00:16:56,308 --> 00:16:58,716
No, you and Karen had
a tremendous sex life.

371
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,186
What?

372
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,892
I'm glad she was fulfilled
in that way. A blind man could see it.

373
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:05,519
If it sets the bar higher for me,
so much the better.

374
00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:08,065
There's no resting on one's laurels
in this household.

375
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:10,312
- Or in that bedroom.
- I gotta say something.

376
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:13,276
My man is
a pretty fabulous fucking lover.

377
00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:15,406
I just... I gotta put that out there.

378
00:17:15,494 --> 00:17:17,202
We're sharing. I love you.

379
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,454
I gotta tell you...
I could eat this woman for dessert.

380
00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:22,913
Can we stop with
all this lover bullshit?

381
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,544
This is creeping me out.

382
00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:27,914
The next thing I know, one of
you freaks is gonna suggest group sex.

383
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:32,916
What is wrong with you people?

384
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,928
- Mmm.
- Mmm.

385
00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,764
- Charlie.
- Mmm? Yeah?

386
00:17:36,849 --> 00:17:38,971
- I have to tell you something.
- No, I know, I know.

387
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,550
It unhooks in the front.
I always get it mixed up.

388
00:17:41,645 --> 00:17:43,270
No, no, not that. No, it's just...

389
00:17:43,355 --> 00:17:48,064
- Uh, I've never done this before.
- It's OK, I'm not judging you.

390
00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:50,858
Mmm... No, you don't understand. I...

391
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,905
I'm a virgin.

392
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,069
What?

393
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:56,487
I've never had sex.

394
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,235
Never? Ever?

395
00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,536
OK, well...

396
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:05,158
I let my friend Lindsay
finger me in seventh grade.

397
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,660
And it was not nearly
as hot as it sounds.

398
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:11,704
I mean, uh, she was morbidly obese

399
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,422
and smelt like McDonald's French fries.

400
00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:16,964
She also farted in the middle of it.

401
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:19,547
- We don't have to do this.
- No, oh, no!

402
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:22,179
I didn't mean it that way.
No, I wanna do this.

403
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:25,104
I've been sitting around,
waiting for Mr Right,

404
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:28,688
and I just wanted
a Mr Right Now to deflower me.

405
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:32,690
And look, for better or worse,
Charlie, that's you.

406
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,946
Oh, I want you to be
the first man on my moon.

407
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:39,982
I don't wanna die a smelly,
stinky old virgin creature.

408
00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:42,868
You don't seem that stinky.

409
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:44,415
Thank you. Ooh.

410
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,207
OK, this is really a lot to process.

411
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,866
I just... I don't know
how I feel about this.

412
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:52,960
OK, well, I understand
if you don't wanna do it. Look, I...

413
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:56,042
I just, I don't know what to do any more.

414
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:57,880
I waited around
for Prince Charming forever...

415
00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,798
- Yeah, well.
- And he never showed.

416
00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:02,511
- Yeah.
- I have needs, Charlie.

417
00:19:02,601 --> 00:19:04,261
- Sure.
- Desires.

418
00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:07,979
I'm not a prude. Yeah, I'll...

419
00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:09,559
I'll do things.

420
00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:11,144
Dirty things.

421
00:19:15,489 --> 00:19:18,359
You're blowing my mind right now.

422
00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:21,362
Ravage me, Charlie! Ravage me!

423
00:19:24,081 --> 00:19:25,623
Oh, wow.

424
00:19:29,962 --> 00:19:31,124
Oh.

425
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:34,458
Oh, there you are.
Knocking at my door!

426
00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:36,459
I can see that the king has sent you,

427
00:19:36,552 --> 00:19:40,003
my liege, to collect my hymen
and I shall bequeath it to you!

428
00:19:40,097 --> 00:19:41,377
Oh, wow.

429
00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:45,601
<i>That feels good! Entrez vous!</i>

430
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:48,603
Push it in! Go, get it going.
Don't be afraid.

431
00:19:48,689 --> 00:19:49,768
Ah!

432
00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:53,140
What's happening? What?

433
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:55,144
What happened to your little...

434
00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:56,779
Oh, I see what's going on.

435
00:19:56,864 --> 00:19:58,655
You're not attracted to me.
I mean, how could you be?

436
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:01,611
No! No, it's not you.

437
00:20:01,702 --> 00:20:05,201
It's a lot of pressure
to be someone's first.

438
00:20:05,289 --> 00:20:08,455
- Um... Um, I'm sorry.
- Ugh.

439
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,960
- I feel so ashamed.
- You should be.

440
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:14,749
Oh.

441
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:17,962
Shame boner. It's back.

442
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:21,467
- Oh, so it is.
- Do you still wanna?

443
00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:23,014
- Sure, OK.
- OK?

444
00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:25,055
Yeah, let's do it.

445
00:20:25,142 --> 00:20:26,304
OK.

446
00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:28,513
OK, yeah.

447
00:20:31,190 --> 00:20:32,470
Ow!

448
00:20:35,903 --> 00:20:37,361
- Aah!
- Ow! Ow! Ow!

449
00:20:37,738 --> 00:20:40,026
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

450
00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:49,824
- Oh.
- Ugh.

451
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:52,621
Whoa.

452
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,206
That's it?

453
00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:57,916
Yeah, pretty much.

454
00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:01,377
That's how a lot of first times are.

455
00:21:06,725 --> 00:21:08,599
I don't think anal sex
gets enough credit.

456
00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:10,559
I mean, I used to think
it was good, dirty fun.

457
00:21:10,646 --> 00:21:11,677
- Extra cream in mine.
- Now I think

458
00:21:11,772 --> 00:21:13,978
it's about something else.
I think it's about something more.

459
00:21:14,066 --> 00:21:15,726
- Intimacy.
- Mmm-hmm.

460
00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:19,233
I mean, to go in through the out door
is maybe the most beautiful act

461
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:21,444
- known to God or man.
- I agree.

462
00:21:21,532 --> 00:21:23,156
I agree. I agree.

463
00:21:23,242 --> 00:21:24,819
In fact, I have a lot to say
on the subject.

464
00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:26,653
Becca! Thank God.

465
00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,370
- Hi, Beckers.
- Where you been?

466
00:21:28,747 --> 00:21:30,870
Uh, nowhere special.

467
00:21:30,958 --> 00:21:33,662
Nowhere special with whom,
perchance?

468
00:21:34,169 --> 00:21:35,961
If you must know, Tyler.

469
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:39,130
No, you're not serious.
Are you serious?

470
00:21:39,216 --> 00:21:40,876
- What?
- I thought you said that was over,

471
00:21:40,968 --> 00:21:42,759
you were done with him. That was it.

472
00:21:42,845 --> 00:21:44,125
I was.

473
00:21:44,221 --> 00:21:46,926
But he kept texting me,
so I cracked and texted him back.

474
00:21:47,015 --> 00:21:48,296
It was good. We cleared the air.

475
00:21:48,392 --> 00:21:50,100
So that's it? It's back on?

476
00:21:50,686 --> 00:21:53,058
- That's it?
- Not necessarily.

477
00:21:53,146 --> 00:21:54,938
It took you so long to get over him.

478
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:57,147
What, you're just gonna go forgive him?

479
00:21:57,234 --> 00:21:59,310
Yeah. I wonder where I got that from.

480
00:21:59,403 --> 00:22:02,154
Hey, hey, that's no way
to talk to your... Becca.

481
00:22:02,239 --> 00:22:04,113
- Whatever.
- She's right. She's absolutely right.

482
00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:06,524
No, she's not right. And even
if she were, you're her parent.

483
00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:09,026
It's your job to make her feel
like she's wrong.

484
00:22:09,121 --> 00:22:11,410
- That's fucked up.
- No, you know what's fucked up?

485
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:12,909
Is her getting back into the snake pit

486
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,791
with that D'Artagnan-looking
motherfucker,

487
00:22:14,877 --> 00:22:17,664
with his hair
and his fucking... His facial hair.

488
00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:20,043
It's unsavoury is what it is.
It's not funny.

489
00:22:20,132 --> 00:22:21,330
Do you wanna talk about this later?

490
00:22:21,425 --> 00:22:22,753
Why? So we can get back
to talking about anal

491
00:22:22,843 --> 00:22:25,512
<i>- with the Kinsey Report over here?
- Watch your tone, Hank.</i>

492
00:22:25,596 --> 00:22:28,003
The woman you're disrespecting
is currently under my jurisdiction.

493
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:29,213
Mind your business, Batesy.

494
00:22:29,308 --> 00:22:31,596
We happen to be talking about
a child that we share.

495
00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:33,263
Keep it up, sweetheart,
and you and I are gonna end up

496
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:34,931
back on that dance floor, you hear me?

497
00:22:35,022 --> 00:22:38,355
Oh, I hear you, dick. And I'd be happy
to dance with you anytime, anywhere,

498
00:22:38,442 --> 00:22:40,648
you pansexual fucking weirdo.

499
00:22:40,736 --> 00:22:42,693
Looks like I'm getting
your Irish up there, son.

500
00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:44,066
Not at all. Care for a drink?

501
00:22:44,156 --> 00:22:45,318
You'd probably like that, wouldn't you?

502
00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:47,115
I would. Let's see that fucking mangina.

503
00:22:47,201 --> 00:22:49,489
You wanna eat my peach,
I'll bust her out right now.

504
00:22:49,578 --> 00:22:51,820
Guys, it's really nice
to be fought over, but, you know,

505
00:22:51,914 --> 00:22:53,456
let's not ruin the bromance.

506
00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:55,449
Oh, my God! This is
never going anywhere, is it?

507
00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:57,665
- What?
- You! You're never gonna be able

508
00:22:57,753 --> 00:23:00,041
- to commit to another woman!
- Carrie, this is neither

509
00:23:00,130 --> 00:23:02,455
- the time nor the place.
- Actually, it's kind of hilarious.

510
00:23:02,549 --> 00:23:04,542
I came here thinking that
I was gonna try and convince you

511
00:23:04,635 --> 00:23:06,793
- to give it another try.
- You know what's hilarious?

512
00:23:06,887 --> 00:23:08,714
- What?
- Is the fact that we broke up.

513
00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:10,845
And you set my apartment on fire!

514
00:23:10,933 --> 00:23:12,724
But you know
what the best part about all this is?

515
00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:15,894
Is that this whole time
I was thinking that this was my fault.

516
00:23:15,979 --> 00:23:18,268
I thought there was
something wrong with me. But it's you.

517
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:21,936
You're a loser, Hank.

518
00:23:22,027 --> 00:23:24,779
All your friends here, they all have
love in their lives. They've moved on.

519
00:23:24,863 --> 00:23:27,070
But you, you have nothing.

520
00:23:27,658 --> 00:23:30,528
Wow. Cheers, thank you.

521
00:23:30,619 --> 00:23:33,110
Congratulations, Karen.
I don't know how you did it, but...

522
00:23:34,456 --> 00:23:35,737
What? What do you mean?

523
00:23:35,832 --> 00:23:38,074
Carrie, I'm sorry you got hurt.

524
00:23:38,168 --> 00:23:40,208
I thought we had an understanding.
I thought you understood me.

525
00:23:40,295 --> 00:23:43,249
- You fucked me in the ass, Hank!
- Oh, my God.

526
00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:45,167
I swallowed your cum.

527
00:23:45,259 --> 00:23:48,959
But, worst of all,
I swallowed your fucking bullshit.

528
00:23:49,054 --> 00:23:51,212
And you can rationalise it
all you want by saying that

529
00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:53,513
you were always honest with me,

530
00:23:55,269 --> 00:23:57,308
but it's still stealing.

531
00:24:15,747 --> 00:24:17,325
- Are you OK?
- Mmm.

532
00:24:18,417 --> 00:24:20,409
Just licking my wounds.

533
00:24:22,212 --> 00:24:25,166
Marcy and Stu will give you a ride.

534
00:24:25,257 --> 00:24:27,166
Or you could spend the night with us.

535
00:24:27,259 --> 00:24:30,094
Yeah, I think I'd rather
go noose shopping, actually.

536
00:24:30,179 --> 00:24:32,586
Well, that's a shame. We'll miss you.

537
00:24:35,225 --> 00:24:37,182
Chick really levelled me, didn't she?

538
00:24:37,269 --> 00:24:39,511
Yeah, she got you pretty bad.

539
00:24:40,731 --> 00:24:43,186
Took me back
to some of our greatest hits.

540
00:24:43,817 --> 00:24:46,024
Oh, how I miss our fights of fancy.

541
00:24:46,486 --> 00:24:47,945
Oh, how I don't.

542
00:24:49,740 --> 00:24:52,065
You know, when you and Bates
got together, I was kind of happy

543
00:24:52,159 --> 00:24:53,902
cos I thought it's fucking lunacy.

544
00:24:53,994 --> 00:24:55,903
This is never gonna work. But it does.

545
00:24:55,996 --> 00:24:58,202
I guess. Kind of.

546
00:24:58,749 --> 00:25:01,536
It's been kind of nice in a way, though.

547
00:25:03,128 --> 00:25:05,702
Not having to watch you
fall in love with someone else.

548
00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:06,960
Hmm.

549
00:25:07,883 --> 00:25:09,674
But I don't want you to be lonely.

550
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,551
Aw, pshaw. I ain't lonely.

551
00:25:11,637 --> 00:25:14,009
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

552
00:25:14,097 --> 00:25:15,296
You're like this little boy lost.

553
00:25:15,390 --> 00:25:19,887
You kind of... It didn't work out
between us and you're still pouting.

554
00:25:20,354 --> 00:25:22,227
You picked up your ball
and you've run home

555
00:25:22,314 --> 00:25:25,268
and you're never, ever gonna
play with anyone else again.

556
00:25:26,026 --> 00:25:28,102
Yeah, well, I guess being in New York
makes it easier

557
00:25:28,195 --> 00:25:31,813
to forget that I still love the shit
out of you, Karen.

558
00:25:32,908 --> 00:25:36,241
Yeah, wow. I said that out loud, didn't I?

559
00:25:37,454 --> 00:25:38,533
So?

560
00:25:39,706 --> 00:25:43,040
I still love you. I always will.
Till the day I die.

561
00:25:43,502 --> 00:25:46,419
But, at some point,
I had to choose happiness.

562
00:25:46,505 --> 00:25:49,126
I have to make that a priority. I mean...

563
00:25:49,216 --> 00:25:51,339
And now I'm with someone
who understands

564
00:25:51,426 --> 00:25:52,506
that I will never stop loving you.

565
00:25:52,594 --> 00:25:54,883
And that makes me happier
than I've ever been.

566
00:25:55,055 --> 00:25:56,218
Good.

567
00:25:57,558 --> 00:25:59,266
That's fantastic.

568
00:26:00,477 --> 00:26:02,517
She's right. You're wonderful.

569
00:26:02,604 --> 00:26:05,012
You are,
and when women get to know you,

570
00:26:05,107 --> 00:26:07,645
you know, of course they want more.

571
00:26:08,485 --> 00:26:10,692
But it's kind of cruel to let them think

572
00:26:10,779 --> 00:26:15,108
that they can have it, when really
it's just no more than a hologram.

573
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,825
Contrary to popular belief,
I'm not out there

574
00:26:16,910 --> 00:26:18,286
trying to hurt anyone, Karen.

575
00:26:18,370 --> 00:26:19,615
I know.

576
00:26:19,705 --> 00:26:22,278
But what do you think Becca's
suffering from right now?

577
00:26:22,374 --> 00:26:25,624
Some guy, good or bad,
he's charmed his way into her heart,

578
00:26:25,711 --> 00:26:28,249
and obviously she wants more.

579
00:26:28,714 --> 00:26:31,039
You're trying to tell me
that I've given her some kind of

580
00:26:31,133 --> 00:26:34,253
- horrible daddy complex?
- No, no, don't worry about her.

581
00:26:34,595 --> 00:26:37,679
I'm talking about you.
Worry about yourself.

582
00:26:39,099 --> 00:26:41,388
Cos if really... If all your life is,

583
00:26:41,476 --> 00:26:46,352
is a series of fucking meaningless flings

584
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:51,434
and some idealised vision
of our love story,

585
00:26:53,405 --> 00:26:55,563
then I'm really sad for you.

586
00:26:55,657 --> 00:26:57,317
Because I know what you're capable of.

587
00:26:57,409 --> 00:27:00,659
Yeah, well, what if you're wrong?
What if this is it for me?

588
00:27:00,746 --> 00:27:02,240
What if I'm just destined to sit around

589
00:27:02,331 --> 00:27:04,869
and wait for the band
to get back together?

590
00:27:09,254 --> 00:27:11,745
You'll be waiting on a miracle.