1 00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,422 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,468 - Come on up, honey. - Tyler switched drinks, 3 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,013 thought it would be funny to watch him get drunk. 4 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:16,055 Jesus, that kid really is a young me. 5 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:18,015 Give me a hug. There you go. 6 00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:19,133 Don't wait up. 7 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,432 Is he with you by any chance? 8 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,181 No, I've never seen him before in my life. 9 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,932 Yo, ain't this the little Romeo we had to smack down at 10 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,055 the club the other night? 11 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:26,525 Yes, yes, it is. 12 00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,484 Dad, what did you do? 13 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,362 I did... I did nothing. Will you tell them? 14 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,772 I knew it was important to him, so I took care of it. 15 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,574 That's what we do for each other. 16 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,947 Well, that's plenty of time to take Kali out. 17 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:41,122 Good Job. Keep your motherfucking paws off her, Moody. 18 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:42,788 And your fucking penis. 19 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:47,171 No, that's fucking Kali's new boyfriend right there, man. 20 00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:50,173 Oh, she's got a... A new boyfriend, does she? 21 00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,002 Sooner or later he's gonna find out about us. 22 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:53,422 I'm not gonna tell him. Are you gonna tell him? 23 00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:55,837 - No fucking way. - So we don't have a problem. 24 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,462 Let me ask you a question. 25 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,846 If you're leaving tonight, like, this very night, 26 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,346 what's the harm in a goodbye kiss? 27 00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:03,144 Maybe just one. 28 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,672 Batesy. 29 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,004 Hank? 30 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:35,963 Good God, man, you gave me the fuckin' willies. 31 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,928 Thought it'd help my cause. 32 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,173 Who can turn their backs on a sad clown? 33 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,430 Let me guess. My wife and your daughter. 34 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,431 Not even so much as a smile. 35 00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,393 You still hittin' the sauce? 36 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:50,560 Yeah, but, I mean, I got it under control. 37 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:51,732 Uh-huh. 38 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:55,652 Falling off the wagon is typically followed by a bit of a bender. 39 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:59,114 I mean, it usually worked itself out in a week or three. 40 00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:00,483 Oh. 41 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,031 I'm not worried. 42 00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:05,119 I'm glad to hear that. 43 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:07,788 I'm sorry, Hank. 44 00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,954 OK? They'll get over it. 45 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,422 - Eventually. - Yeah. 46 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:14,342 Yeah, in a week or three, but that's the thing about this thing. 47 00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:16,300 - Hmm. - There's nothing to get over. 48 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:18,634 - Hey. - I didn't actually do anything. 49 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,928 Uh, you... You're preaching to the choir, honey. 50 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,558 OK? I wouldn't give two fucks 51 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,101 if you had done it the way they think you've done it. 52 00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:25,301 But I didn't done it. 53 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,139 OK. I get it. 54 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:30,935 Man, you know I'd never tell, right? 55 00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:33,778 That shit would be between you, me and the wall. 56 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,060 I'd take a fuckin' blood oath. 57 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,029 - Nothing actually happened. - OK. 58 00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,823 - So there's nothing to tell you. - I believe you. 59 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,652 It's due today, so... 60 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,618 - I'm sorry, baby. - I'm sorry, baby. 61 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,327 Come in. I'll make you some breakfast. 62 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,123 Ooh, yummy, that sounds good. I could eat. 63 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,248 Can you tell him I'm not talking to him? 64 00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:50,961 - She's not talking to him. - What? 65 00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,955 Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do-do. 66 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,708 You'll forgive him, but not me? 67 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,045 I'll work on her for you. 68 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,510 One day at a time, Batesy. 69 00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,804 Ah, hells to the no! 70 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,714 Hank fuckin' Moody. 71 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,099 No more notes, Sam. I can't take it. 72 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,385 Just find another writer. 73 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,473 I won't be offended. I promise. 74 00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:11,894 It ain't about that movie shit, man. 75 00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:13,976 I need to see your ass now, tho'. 76 00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,439 - What about? - Kali. 77 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,274 What about Kali? 78 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,779 Not over the phone, nigga. 79 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,323 Just get your ass over to my studio right now. 80 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,995 - You hear me? - Yeah. I'm coming. 81 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,743 Or else my boys come get you, nigga, your choice. 82 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,329 No, no, no, no. No, that's OK. 83 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,247 Don't blow me off, Moody. I'm serious, man. 84 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:34,583 I'm on my way. 85 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,132 All right, motherfucker. 86 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,265 I can explain. 87 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,479 You better fuckin' explain yourself, motherfucker. 88 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,274 Well, it was a long flight. 89 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,269 You know, we got to talking. 90 00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:40,105 One thing led to another. 91 00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,774 What the fuck you talkin' about, man? 92 00:04:43,659 --> 00:04:44,857 I don't know. What the fuck am I talkin' about? 93 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:45,983 What the fuck am I... 94 00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:47,489 What the fuck are you talkin' about? 95 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:51,332 I'm talkin' about the fact that you're always fuckin' late, man. 96 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:52,448 Oh, all right. 97 00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:53,871 That's some real passive-aggressive shit, right? 98 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,084 You think your time is more valuable than my time, don't you? 99 00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,713 - Actually... - I sense that shit, man. 100 00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,253 Actually, I don't. I don't. But in a larger sense, 101 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,335 my time will always be my time. 102 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,254 So it will always mean more to me personally. 103 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,089 Man, shut the fuck up and buy a watch, nigga. 104 00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:07,212 All right. 105 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,763 In the meantime, nigga, I need your help, Moody. 106 00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:12,343 How can I be of service, my liege? 107 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:13,718 I got this piece of music here, right? 108 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,707 That is mighty purty. 109 00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,540 It's like vintage Elton John there. 110 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,505 Yeah, well, this bitch ain't no fuckin' Bernie Taupin. 111 00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:43,134 You see, that's why we can't write together, Calvin. 112 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:45,460 Because if I'm not sleeping with him, he's a total fucking asshole. 113 00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:46,585 Yeah, well, you know... 114 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,008 She can't write no fuckin' lyrics, yo. 115 00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,806 Just a pretty face and a fuckin' smile. 116 00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:52,892 All right, all right, all right. Well, how can I help? 117 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:55,184 Help the girl write some fuckin' lyrics, man. 118 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:56,387 Oh, no, no. 119 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,518 I write books, screenplays, emails... 120 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,152 Nigga, writin' is writin', man. 121 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,145 - I don't. - Help a brother out. 122 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,659 OK, I'll give it a shot. 123 00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:12,033 But we're gonna have to get good and drunk first. 124 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:15,158 See, now, that's the best fuckin' idea I've heard all day. Let's go. 125 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,667 - All right, so where do we start? - I don't know. 126 00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,746 It's obviously a love song, right? 127 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,666 So what rhymes with love? 128 00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:24,501 Dove, shove. 129 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:28,087 "Did you just shove a dove up my ass and call it love?" Done! 130 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,930 Writing lyrics is easy. 131 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,178 Next! 132 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,302 OK, the no-fun face. 133 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,967 - What do you wanna write about? - I just don't want it to be cheesy. 134 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,814 I didn't come all the way here to write cheesy love songs. 135 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,227 Sorry, that's my thing. 136 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,686 I specialise in cheese. Big, gooey globs of it. 137 00:06:43,779 --> 00:06:44,858 You're out of luck. 138 00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:46,690 OK, I just want it to be... 139 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,367 Bittersweet and dark. 140 00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:53,034 Well, you are nothing if not a semi-sweet piece of... 141 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,408 Milk chocolate? 142 00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,039 - You are cheesy. - Yeah. 143 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaking of love and whatnot, um... 144 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,757 Oh, two whiskies, barkeep, please, and keep 'em coming. 145 00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,964 I think the Samurai is deep in it. 146 00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,131 With you. 147 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:09,762 God, please. 148 00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:11,471 What the fuck does that guy know about love? 149 00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:13,265 He's a spoiled man-child. 150 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:16,185 He gets whatever he wants and he can't have me. 151 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,978 He just wants to control his product. 152 00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,094 I don't think that's it. 153 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,396 I think everybody's got that special someone 154 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:23,227 that gets under their skin and doesn't go away. 155 00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:26,272 I think maybe you have that particular fungal property for him. 156 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:31,900 All right, so if somebody was asking me about a short story, 157 00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:34,829 I'd ask them, "What are you trying to say?" 158 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:37,821 I don't know. 159 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,245 Um... 160 00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:45,454 I'd love to talk about coming to L.A. For the first time. 161 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:50,252 And the fact that you tend to leave something 162 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,970 or someone behind. 163 00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,514 All right. 164 00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:55,887 Now we're getting somewhere. I can relate to that. 165 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,811 I can remember that shit as if it were fuckin' yesterday. 166 00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,692 So what do you think? 167 00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:08,103 I don't know, you know. I think we should keep looking. 168 00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:09,525 - Really? - Yeah. 169 00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:10,943 Oh, I got a good feeling about this place. 170 00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,575 - Really? - Especially the bedroom. 171 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,451 I think we could get up to some trouble in there. 172 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,196 You've said that about every place we've seen. 173 00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:19,040 Well, that's just a tribute to how warm I am for your form, woman. 174 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,615 You know what? I'm still chafing from this morning, so... 175 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,453 I'm sorry. Hotels make me horny. 176 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,289 - What doesn't make you horny, baby? - Um... 177 00:08:26,465 --> 00:08:27,663 Cockroaches. 178 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,503 Dead babies. 179 00:08:29,593 --> 00:08:30,756 Poop. 180 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,420 - Shut up. - Look how close we'd be to the beach. 181 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,672 - And the homeless. - Which would surely alleviate 182 00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:38,767 any homesickness for New York that might develop. 183 00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:41,307 Oh, God. You so don't wanna do this, huh? 184 00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:43,519 You know what, I just think of Becca. 185 00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:44,722 - Yeah? - And, I... 186 00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,015 And it... It feels all wrong. 187 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:48,398 But she's so little and adaptable. 188 00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,526 Not to mention totally dependent on us. 189 00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:53,278 If she complained at all, we could easily threaten to abandon her. 190 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:56,071 I'm pretty sure that would shut her up immediately. 191 00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:59,662 You really sure about this? 192 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,830 I'm not, no. Not at all. 193 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,292 - Jesus. - Charlie thought it would be 194 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,120 a good idea for me to spend some time out here, 195 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:08,581 so people could put this beautiful visage to the name. 196 00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,832 And I'm trying to do what my agent says for once, 197 00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:13,880 rather than just telling him to fuck off and get me paid. 198 00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,679 - You know what? - What? 199 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:17,848 We were doing just fine. 200 00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:19,926 - No, we weren't. - Yes, we were, we were. 201 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,058 We couldn't even afford cable, Karen. 202 00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,138 - That was a choice. - Really? 203 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,974 - Yes. - Whatever. 204 00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:28,730 You're not being a very supportive baby mama. 205 00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:31,904 I thought I was your muse. 206 00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,364 You are. 207 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:35,984 And right now, you're inspiring me to point out 208 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,448 that compared to what we pay for in New York for a broom closet, 209 00:09:38,537 --> 00:09:40,161 that place is a steal. 210 00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:44,250 Plus, you'd get that. 211 00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:47,587 Just like home. 212 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,838 So, next we have... 213 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,001 We need to go to, um... 214 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,838 - What is it, Sepulveda? - Sepulveda? 215 00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:00,218 Look alive. 216 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,802 Ah, sorry. 217 00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:06,679 - Where'd you just go? - Nowhere. Just digging deep. 218 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:08,978 OK. 219 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,352 What rhymes with vagina? 220 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:12,856 I'm not gonna sing "vagina." 221 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:16,149 Your loss. That could be some seriously groundbreaking shit. 222 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,282 Yeah, some songwriter you are. 223 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:21,286 Ooh, ooh, ooh, here we go, here we go. I got something here. 224 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,403 - You ready? - Yep. 225 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,371 People think it's funny. 226 00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,917 But it's really hot and runny. 227 00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:28,539 Diarrhoea. Diarrhoea. 228 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:31,036 People think it's gross. But it's really good on toast. 229 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,836 Diarrhoea. Diarrhoea. Here comes the chorus. 230 00:10:33,926 --> 00:10:35,669 - Diarrhoea, cha-cha-cha. Diarrhoea. - OK, asshole. 231 00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,089 Come on, come on, come on. This is my career. 232 00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:38,459 You don't wanna have any fun? No fun. 233 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,797 OK, no fun, no fun. All right, what do you want to write about? 234 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,556 I don't know. I just... 235 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,435 Well, tell me about the guy you left behind. 236 00:10:46,522 --> 00:10:48,099 You know, that guy. That one. 237 00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:49,470 Um... 238 00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:52,437 He was jealous. 239 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:55,228 Well, you seem to attract the jealous type, 240 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,733 you bad girl, you. 241 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,397 I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way. 242 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,403 A hip-hop Jessica Rabbit, huh? 243 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:06,659 He didn't like the attention I was getting from our friend Samurai. 244 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,125 Well, who could blame him? 245 00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:11,994 And that I got the offer to come here and to make a record. 246 00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:13,251 So... 247 00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:19,669 I have an offer for you! 248 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,972 - Why are you yelling? - It's my style. 249 00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,015 My thing. It's bombastic. 250 00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,762 My clients love it. 251 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,514 - Not this client. - Oh. 252 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,099 Sorry. 253 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,305 What's the offer? 254 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,273 There is a script. It's at Universal. 255 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,816 They're about to start production. They need a polish. 256 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,315 Oh, I can polish things. 257 00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:38,568 - Ah. - Yeah. 258 00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:40,733 You have never polished anything... 259 00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:42,486 - Karen. - In your entire life, ever. 260 00:11:42,578 --> 00:11:44,036 Do I not polish your beautiful lady parts 261 00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,698 on a semi-nightly basis? 262 00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:47,663 Nailed it! 263 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,707 How much? 264 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,919 Twenty-five a week. 265 00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:54,834 Twenty-five... 266 00:11:55,424 --> 00:11:56,704 Grand. 267 00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:58,882 - Look at his face. - I love L.A. 268 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:00,547 I love it! I love it. 269 00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:03,045 I said it, I meant it. I'm here to represent it. 270 00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,634 - You know that. - Who are you right now? 271 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,516 - I don't know. I don't know. - Whoo! 272 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,766 You're gonna love it here too, Karenina. 273 00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:11,261 - They kissed. - I'm telling you. Ooh, ooh. 274 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:14,772 I don't think that a decision has yet been made. 275 00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:16,983 - Why? - Well, because, you know, 276 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,446 we're still looking at places. 277 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:19,728 Uh, "we" means "she." 278 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,531 - I sensed that. - Yeah. 279 00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:22,815 You know what? 280 00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,910 This motherfucker had to drag me kicking and screaming here. 281 00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,075 At first, I hated it. 282 00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:29,038 Now, I fucking love it. 283 00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,749 OK, what do you love about it? 284 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,827 Everything is fucking fake! 285 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,544 OK? The houses are like sets, 286 00:12:34,630 --> 00:12:36,788 and the people are indistinguishable from actors. 287 00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:37,997 It's awesome. 288 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,092 Hank's career is about to explode, Karen. 289 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:42,838 He needs to be here. 290 00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,424 Charlie Runkle. 291 00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:47,088 - Ah, Allie, so nice to see you. - You too. 292 00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:50,561 Is this him? 293 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:54,603 Hank Moody, Allie Andrews, your executive on God Hates Us All. 294 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:57,099 - Ah, nice to meet you. - You didn't tell me he was gorgeous. 295 00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,985 Well, for you to discover. 296 00:12:59,071 --> 00:13:00,648 It's great to finally meet you, Hank. 297 00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,447 - I'm a huge fan. - No, you're not. 298 00:13:02,533 --> 00:13:04,075 Oh, I'm not, huh? 299 00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:06,864 I am a huge fan, Hank. I swear. 300 00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,911 I love you. I cannot wait to get started. 301 00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,195 Wow. People are very excitable here. 302 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,832 You notice that, Karen? 303 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:12,996 - Allie, is it? - Uh-huh. 304 00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:17,082 This is Karen. Karen is my best friend, my lover. 305 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,081 - Don't tell her. - And my baby mama. 306 00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:20,550 - Did I cover it? - Yeah. 307 00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,377 - Pretty much? - Nice to meet you, Allie. 308 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,880 - Nice to meet you, too. - Hi. 309 00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:26,129 Hey, could I pull you aside and buy you a drink? 310 00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:28,262 I know we've got a meeting on the books for tomorrow, 311 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,684 but I would love to hit the ground running and get you up to speed. 312 00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:35,262 Go. Hit the ground running. Get up to speed. 313 00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:37,515 OK. You know how I love jargon. 314 00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:42,356 There's something you're not telling me. 315 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,191 You're holding out on me, lady. 316 00:13:48,412 --> 00:13:51,448 Because what if I think the truth makes me a bad person? 317 00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:55,660 Maybe the truth is what you need to finish this song. 318 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:04,086 The night I left for L.A., the night that I met you on the plane. 319 00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:06,799 - Mmm-hmm. - Me and my ex had one last dinner. 320 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,338 And we'd been arguing a lot, you know. 321 00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:13,301 And, to be honest, I was happy to leave town. 322 00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:15,852 But that night, he was so sweet. 323 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,812 He was actually the guy that I had been in love with 324 00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,893 for as long as I can remember. 325 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,985 And I wanted to stay. 326 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,279 I wanted to be with him. 327 00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:31,616 But then he asked me if I slept with Samurai. 328 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,413 And I lied. 329 00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,621 I told him what he wanted to hear. 330 00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:39,250 And then he pulled a ring out and asked me to marry him. 331 00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:40,963 Ohh. 332 00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:43,084 What'd you say? 333 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,926 Nothing. 334 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,597 I was speechless. 335 00:14:52,643 --> 00:14:56,142 I got up, I went to the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face. 336 00:15:02,653 --> 00:15:04,645 I slipped out the back, 337 00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:06,274 jumped in a cab, 338 00:15:06,365 --> 00:15:08,073 and went straight to the airport. 339 00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,703 Didn't look back. 340 00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:17,449 I knew, if I went back to the table, I would have said yes. 341 00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,077 But... 342 00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,754 Then my dreams would never come true. 343 00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,286 Hey, lady. 344 00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:06,413 Come on back to bed. 345 00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,382 I found this in your pocket. 346 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:11,220 Allie Andrews. 347 00:16:11,305 --> 00:16:12,585 "Please call me any time." 348 00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:14,056 Come on. Give me a break, Karen. 349 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,386 - I didn't even look at it. - She's a... 350 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,555 Shows you how much I care. 351 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,054 You looked like you cared last night. 352 00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:20,184 Well, she was full of kind words and flattery. 353 00:16:20,272 --> 00:16:22,146 - Who doesn't like that sort of thing? - She's a huge fan. 354 00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,189 - What's not to like? - She would totally fuck you. 355 00:16:24,276 --> 00:16:26,601 Yes, and I only want to fuck you. 356 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:27,858 - So what? - Yeah, right now. 357 00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:29,227 - But that could change, you know. - No. 358 00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:30,900 - L.A. Changes people. - No, no, no. 359 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,149 Cities don't change people. 360 00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:34,565 People don't even change people. 361 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,321 We are who we are. 362 00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,498 Do you really think we're gonna beat the odds? 363 00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:43,336 Fuck the odds. You know, we make our own odds. 364 00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,423 You're incredibly naive. 365 00:16:47,508 --> 00:16:50,508 And you're incredibly incredible. 366 00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:53,011 Not to mention beautiful. 367 00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:56,600 And, after all these years, you still get me wetter 368 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,388 than a West African slut during monsoon season. 369 00:16:59,478 --> 00:17:01,554 Oh, my God, I'm so not charmed by that. 370 00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:03,057 - That's repulsive. - No, you are charmed. 371 00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:05,057 Because you know I love you long time. 372 00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:08,481 And no trampy D-girl this side of the Mississippi 373 00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,527 is ever gonna change any of that. 374 00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:12,276 Really? 375 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,778 Now, come on. 376 00:17:16,328 --> 00:17:18,155 Come on back to bed. 377 00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:19,956 Let's californicate. 378 00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,156 Really? 379 00:17:22,251 --> 00:17:23,626 Is it different here? 380 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,288 - A little bit. - OK. 381 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,457 Let's get wet. 382 00:17:30,676 --> 00:17:31,755 Fuck. 383 00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:37,430 This is cheesy, Hank. 384 00:17:37,516 --> 00:17:38,796 Fuck you. 385 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,684 I'm just kidding. 386 00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:42,764 It's beautiful. 387 00:17:43,814 --> 00:17:45,142 Yeah, you think you can work with it? 388 00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:48,941 I hope so. I mean, they're beautiful words. 389 00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,854 Yeah, but they're just words. 390 00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:52,697 You gotta make the music. 391 00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:55,568 Well, I definitely think I can make them work. 392 00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:58,615 They're like a time machine. Take me back to New York. 393 00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:02,784 I remember exactly how excited I was, 394 00:18:02,875 --> 00:18:04,452 and how sad and scared. 395 00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:08,785 Do you think you'll ever make it back to your guy? 396 00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:11,709 I don't know. 397 00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:15,720 I spend a lot of time going back and forth in my head 398 00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:17,927 about what might have been. 399 00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,762 And, uh, just as well. 400 00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,139 I know the feeling. 401 00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:27,102 I think that there are people in your life who... 402 00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,145 They inspire art. 403 00:18:30,027 --> 00:18:33,063 You know, and you blow them up into these mythical characters 404 00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:36,820 and you give them all those magical qualities. 405 00:18:38,744 --> 00:18:41,864 But maybe they're just stepping stones for something bigger and better. 406 00:18:42,748 --> 00:18:44,705 That's a pretty cynical way to look at things. 407 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,072 Yeah, well, look at you. 408 00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,741 I mean, shit, I got a fuckin' song out of you. 409 00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:51,422 That's fuckin' cool. 410 00:18:51,507 --> 00:18:53,795 God, I feel so exploited. 411 00:18:55,344 --> 00:18:57,004 What do I get in exchange for digging deep 412 00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:58,376 and baring your soul? 413 00:19:04,353 --> 00:19:05,763 Anything you want. 414 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,356 No, I... 415 00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,484 I don't think it's right to capitalise 416 00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:13,477 on all this heartbreak and champagne. 417 00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:15,527 It's more than that, and I think you know that. 418 00:19:15,614 --> 00:19:16,812 - I do? - Mmm-hmm. 419 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:22,198 Because, no matter how messy or wrong... 420 00:19:23,497 --> 00:19:26,948 Or how much of a shitload of trouble we can get into, 421 00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:28,584 we just keep coming back. 422 00:19:30,838 --> 00:19:32,248 True that. 423 00:19:41,557 --> 00:19:43,514 Or maybe that's what makes it so hot. 424 00:19:58,782 --> 00:19:59,980 Can I get you another water? 425 00:20:00,075 --> 00:20:01,320 Mmm. 426 00:20:02,578 --> 00:20:05,329 - No, I'm fine. - Yeah, you don't look fine. 427 00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,159 - How do I look? - Thunderstruck. 428 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,328 Mmm. 429 00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:09,531 That's a good word. 430 00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,251 Look, I know it's a lot to take in. 431 00:20:12,004 --> 00:20:14,043 Maybe I should call Charlie. 432 00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:15,543 Why? What would you say? 433 00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:17,791 I don't think I'd say anything. I'd just scream. 434 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,592 - I understand. I do. - You do? 435 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,305 Your book is brilliant. 436 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,679 And now we're gonna make it into a movie. 437 00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:28,175 - But you gotta trust me. - But it's not a romantic comedy. 438 00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,144 - I know what I'm doing. - It's not a romantic comedy. 439 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:33,480 Your book is deeply romantic and very funny. 440 00:20:33,567 --> 00:20:35,524 But it's also very dark and bittersweet. 441 00:20:35,611 --> 00:20:37,402 Mmm-hmm. Totally. 442 00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:44,608 Mmm. 443 00:20:45,204 --> 00:20:46,614 Is this really happening? 444 00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,289 - Yes. - Hmm. 445 00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:51,459 And you're not exactly responding 446 00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:53,868 in the appropriate manner. What's that about? 447 00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:56,162 Uh, it's about the fact that my better half 448 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:58,415 would cut off my dick if she knew what was going on. 449 00:20:58,592 --> 00:21:00,003 Well, then you probably shouldn't mention it. 450 00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:01,338 Well, I'm not going to. 451 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,219 She already thinks you're a woman of ill-repute. 452 00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:04,468 She's right. 453 00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:05,837 I wish I could tell her, though. 454 00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:06,964 She'd be thrilled. 455 00:21:07,059 --> 00:21:09,135 I'm usually telling her how wrong she is about shit. 456 00:21:09,228 --> 00:21:11,267 How long have you guys been together? 457 00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:14,180 - Do you really care? - You don't cheat on her? 458 00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:15,899 No. Am I supposed to? 459 00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:18,563 - None of my business. - Well... 460 00:21:18,654 --> 00:21:20,362 Guess I just misjudged you. 461 00:21:22,074 --> 00:21:23,568 - What does that mean? - Nothing. 462 00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:27,120 First draft, 12 weeks. Is that doable? 463 00:21:27,204 --> 00:21:30,158 - I don't see why not. - Great. Good luck with the writing. 464 00:21:30,249 --> 00:21:31,957 Get me Todd Carr! 465 00:21:51,854 --> 00:21:52,885 How was your meeting? 466 00:21:52,980 --> 00:21:54,972 Kind of a nightmare, actually. 467 00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:59,150 - Did she try to fuck you? - Of course. 468 00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:01,069 I'm just that irresistible. 469 00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:03,776 I'm like Spanish fly to these Hollywood types. 470 00:22:06,535 --> 00:22:07,863 But it did get me thinkin'. 471 00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:09,787 About... 472 00:22:12,416 --> 00:22:13,827 Let's not and say we did. 473 00:22:14,084 --> 00:22:15,792 What do you mean? 474 00:22:15,878 --> 00:22:18,119 Fuck it. Fuck this place. 475 00:22:18,964 --> 00:22:20,624 Why mess with a good thing? 476 00:22:20,716 --> 00:22:22,922 You know, leave well enough alone, and other clichés. 477 00:22:23,010 --> 00:22:24,634 Let's stay in New York. 478 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,629 Charlie'll understand. 479 00:22:26,763 --> 00:22:29,634 And if he doesn't, fuck him and his bald head. 480 00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:33,134 - We do have a great life. - We do. 481 00:22:33,228 --> 00:22:35,898 - We're so lucky. - Totally. 482 00:22:35,981 --> 00:22:37,523 Which is exactly why we should do it. 483 00:22:37,608 --> 00:22:38,687 Yeah. 484 00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:40,941 - What? - Mmm-hmm. 485 00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:46,779 You're in a really exciting place right now. 486 00:22:46,867 --> 00:22:49,868 I mean, most people don't even get to where you are. 487 00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:54,164 It's like... The American Dream or some shit. 488 00:22:54,249 --> 00:22:57,499 We should just ride the wave and see where it takes us. 489 00:22:59,296 --> 00:23:00,375 - Are you sure? - I mean... 490 00:23:00,464 --> 00:23:02,172 Yeah, because as long as we're together, 491 00:23:02,257 --> 00:23:04,629 who gives a fuck where we live, right? 492 00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:08,717 So... 493 00:23:09,014 --> 00:23:10,473 There it is. 494 00:23:11,016 --> 00:23:12,973 We're movin' to L.A. 495 00:23:13,060 --> 00:23:15,348 Shit, fuck. 496 00:23:16,146 --> 00:23:18,768 Now that I've said it out loud, I can't take it back. 497 00:23:21,568 --> 00:23:22,944 Mmm. 498 00:23:24,154 --> 00:23:26,111 You're pretty amazing, you know that? 499 00:23:26,198 --> 00:23:28,523 - No, I'm not. - Yeah, you are. 500 00:23:29,660 --> 00:23:32,577 Pretty much the best baby mama a guy could ever hope for. 501 00:23:32,663 --> 00:23:34,073 Really? 502 00:23:34,164 --> 00:23:35,445 And don't forget it. 503 00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:37,989 Never. 504 00:23:38,836 --> 00:23:39,998 Ever. 505 00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:48,553 Moody, buddy. 506 00:23:48,637 --> 00:23:51,210 Yo, come on. Get in on some of this shit. 507 00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:52,966 There you go, buddy. 508 00:23:53,058 --> 00:23:55,216 - I take it you likey? - It's beautiful, man. 509 00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:56,935 It's the missing piece of the puzzle. 510 00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:59,060 This album had a lot of colour on it. 511 00:23:59,147 --> 00:24:01,685 But what y'all did, that's the home run, man. 512 00:24:02,234 --> 00:24:03,942 You both outdid yourselves. 513 00:24:04,027 --> 00:24:05,438 Glad to be of service. 514 00:24:14,913 --> 00:24:16,289 Hell, you two fucked? 515 00:24:18,834 --> 00:24:21,289 Come on, does it seem like we had time to do that? 516 00:24:21,378 --> 00:24:23,086 We've been writing the frickin' song. 517 00:24:26,175 --> 00:24:27,882 I'm fuckin' trippin'. 518 00:24:28,635 --> 00:24:29,667 - Hey, y'all. - Yeah? 519 00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:31,386 - Play that shit. - All right. 520 00:24:34,183 --> 00:24:35,297 Grab some tissue, Moody. 521 00:24:35,392 --> 00:24:36,970 It's just gonna break your fuckin' heart. 522 00:24:38,562 --> 00:24:40,436 Turn the shit up, motherfucker. 523 00:24:44,693 --> 00:24:45,808 Yeah. 524 00:24:53,952 --> 00:24:55,696 She promised you stars 525 00:24:55,787 --> 00:24:59,916 Like you read on her pages 526 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,918 All of the tinsel 527 00:25:03,003 --> 00:25:05,874 And the company of strangers 528 00:25:06,632 --> 00:25:09,301 The fear that you came with 529 00:25:09,384 --> 00:25:13,334 You thought you'd escaped it 530 00:25:13,430 --> 00:25:16,099 But even while breaking 531 00:25:16,183 --> 00:25:19,718 You could still be persuaded 532 00:25:21,104 --> 00:25:23,263 Looking out 533 00:25:24,525 --> 00:25:26,897 Across the lights 534 00:25:27,444 --> 00:25:30,979 Until the morning 535 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,611 Oh, but didn't 536 00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:40,325 they shine 537 00:25:41,542 --> 00:25:45,835 Like the night sky 538 00:25:47,381 --> 00:25:54,048 And didn't they shine 539 00:25:55,138 --> 00:25:59,006 Like the hazy daybreak 540 00:25:59,101 --> 00:26:03,264 Like champagne and heartbreak 541 00:26:10,571 --> 00:26:15,149 Oh, but didn't they shine 542 00:26:15,242 --> 00:26:18,860 Oh, didn't they shine 543 00:26:18,954 --> 00:26:23,117 Like the night sky 544 00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:26,413 Didn't they shine 545 00:26:27,921 --> 00:26:30,591 Oh, didn't they shine 546 00:26:35,762 --> 00:26:37,636 Hey. Can I come in? 547 00:26:37,723 --> 00:26:39,965 Sure. Everything all right? Is it Becca? 548 00:26:40,058 --> 00:26:42,976 No, no, no. She's good. She's fine, actually. 549 00:26:45,314 --> 00:26:46,476 What's up? 550 00:26:47,566 --> 00:26:49,393 It's Richard. He's, um... 551 00:26:52,196 --> 00:26:54,272 He, you know, he won't stop drinking. 552 00:26:54,364 --> 00:26:57,780 It's... I don't think he can, so... 553 00:26:57,868 --> 00:27:00,074 And I just... 554 00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:04,414 I don't think I can do it. 555 00:27:04,499 --> 00:27:06,159 I don't think I can, um... 556 00:27:06,251 --> 00:27:08,244 I don't think I can live like this. 557 00:27:08,337 --> 00:27:10,045 I'm sure. I'm sure he's gonna be... 558 00:27:10,130 --> 00:27:11,922 I'm sure he'll get it under control. 559 00:27:12,007 --> 00:27:14,878 Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Maybe he will. 560 00:27:15,969 --> 00:27:18,377 I just don't know if I can wait, you know? 561 00:27:23,602 --> 00:27:25,061 And the truth is that... 562 00:27:28,315 --> 00:27:31,186 I think I made a terrible mistake, you know?