1
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,917
<i>Previously on Californication...</i>

2
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:13,296
My ex-wife is looking
for a new nanny for our son.

3
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:14,468
Any interest?

4
00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:18,218
- You like that?
- No, Charlie.

5
00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,053
Hey, we could watch
a movie or something.

6
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,805
Inappropriate, Charlie.

7
00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:23,356
Right, that.

8
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,555
How's Becca?

9
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,726
Boyfriend. I wanna kill him, Hank.

10
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,811
A young, good-looking guy swoops in,

11
00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:30,232
starts sniffing around your one and only

12
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,520
and you question his motives.

13
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:34,023
But I really like your daughter.

14
00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:35,232
He's you.

15
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,652
What are you talking about?
The kid's a loathsome, fucking asshole.

16
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:39,828
I'd like to introduce you
to Richard Bates.

17
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:42,667
Haven't touched the stuff since
Slick Willy was in the White House.

18
00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:44,742
Come on up, honey.

19
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,248
Stop it.

20
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,494
Tyler switched drinks,

21
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,131
thought it would be funny
to watch him get drunk.

22
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,959
Jesus, that kid really is a young me.

23
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,214
You want me to go after him?

24
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,461
No, I don't. Just let him run it off.

25
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,678
Hey. Can I come in?

26
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,841
It's Richard.
You know, he won't stop drinking.

27
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:01,301
I think I made
a terrible mistake, you know?

28
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,675
Oh, fuck!

29
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:37,548
Oh, fuck, please tell me we didn't.

30
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,050
I can't tell you that.

31
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,469
- Oh, my God.
- I won't tell you that.

32
00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:41,934
- You don't remember?
- No.

33
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,561
- Anything?
- No.

34
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:44,890
Of course we did.

35
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:48,016
It was pretty epic stuff, too.
It was like a goddamn sex opera.

36
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,729
Your aria was beautiful, by the way.

37
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,904
- Oh, my God, this is so fucked up.
- Yeah.

38
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And not even remotely true.

39
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,065
Really?

40
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,318
Gimme a break, lady.
I didn't even lay a hand on you.

41
00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:01,740
Do you really think I'd take advantage

42
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,701
of a married woman
in such a sorry state?

43
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,661
That's not very nice.

44
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,457
Oh, God, all I remember is, like...

45
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,749
Having a couple of drinks and then...

46
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,968
Which, for you, is like the equivalent
of getting totally blotto.

47
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:17,713
I know.

48
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,135
- No...
- Come on.

49
00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:22,631
Give me a little tongue for being good!

50
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,932
Thank you. Thank you
for not taking advantage of me

51
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,725
when I'm sure you totally could have.

52
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,106
Now you tell me.

53
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,273
Whoa.

54
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:34,940
Batesy?

55
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:37,652
What the fuck, dude?

56
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:38,904
Hank.

57
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,533
Talk to me, buddy. Use your words.

58
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:46,369
Quietly.

59
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:48,783
Hank, I woke up
in a strange woman's bed.

60
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,040
Oh.

61
00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,495
I mean, she was naked, Hank.

62
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Incredibly naked.

63
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I got it.

64
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I can't find my wedding ring. I'm fucked!

65
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,128
Inside voice.

66
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,929
I can't go home
and face Karen like this.

67
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,722
Been there.

68
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,265
Why don't we do this?

69
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,898
Hey, Batesy. Batesy, stay. Stay.

70
00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:24,572
Hey, did I hear someone crying?

71
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:26,038
Oh, yeah, that's just Charlie.

72
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,368
- Oh, my God...
- No, he's fine.

73
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:28,537
He cries a lot. Wouldn't you?

74
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,369
Let's go to see...

75
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:31,961
You wanna go grab some breakfast?

76
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,670
Uh, no. No, no, no. Not hungry.

77
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,084
- No?
- Tummy troubles, actually.

78
00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:37,213
Too much booze and marital woe.

79
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:39,044
Yeah, it was like watching
a very special episode

80
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,713
<i>of Real Housewives
of Somewhere Lame.</i>

81
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:43,639
- I...
- Yeah, I think you should go, Karen.

82
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,930
I think you gotta go. What?

83
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,930
No, I just kind of figured
you'd wanna hang out for a while.

84
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:50,598
Oh, all right, all right.

85
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:53,014
So I'm like some lovelorn puppy.
You throw me a bone,

86
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,397
I'm supposed to roll over,
lick my balls and fetch?

87
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:56,730
Is that it?

88
00:03:56,862 --> 00:04:00,112
Well, maybe next time, Karen.
Peace be with you.

89
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,662
Off you go.

90
00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,288
Batesy!

91
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,377
Pretty grim, Batesy.

92
00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:06,927
How the fuck did you end up here?

93
00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:11,632
Ah, I just remember
drinking myself blind, getting into a cab.

94
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,147
Told the guy
to take me to a fucking strip club,

95
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:18,316
and after that,
it's just a blur of titties and beer.

96
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,610
Oh, shit! This way.

97
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:28,695
Oh, God. Oh, God.

98
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,325
Hello?

99
00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:32,038
Oh, hey. Hey!

100
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:34,865
Bates!

101
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:39,497
You snuck out on me,
you tricky little dicky, you!

102
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:40,704
She knows my name, Hank.

103
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,044
Yes, indeed, she does.

104
00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:45,301
And she appears to
have your wedding ring, too.

105
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,885
I'm going to be, uh, sick. May I...

106
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,047
Oh, you know where the bathroom is.

107
00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:51,304
Down the hall and to the left.

108
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,136
That's where I shot you up last night!

109
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,390
I'm just kidding.

110
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:58,937
Hank.

111
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,734
- Oh, Holly.
- Holly. OK.

112
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:04,318
So, uh, what's it gonna take if
the man needs his wedding ring back?

113
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:08,868
Oh, well, I mean, I understand
and I'm totally sympathetic,

114
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:10,067
but he did pay me with it.

115
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:13,946
The guy went to town in the VIP room.
Dance after dance after dance.

116
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:17,873
I shook my moneymaker
to an entire album for him.

117
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,831
<i>Guns N' Roses. Appetite.</i>

118
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,713
- Great album, great album.
- The best.

119
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,550
Lost my cherry to it. Front and back.

120
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,131
Hmm.

121
00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:29,885
How much is it gonna...

122
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,556
Come on.

123
00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:39,310
- These are 20s.
- I know. Come on.

124
00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:41,851
OK. That's it.

125
00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:45,148
Not a dollar more.
That's what I'm owed. Mmm-hmm.

126
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:48,319
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure thing, Hank.

127
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,282
Did you guys, uh...

128
00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:51,739
- Fuck?
- Yeah.

129
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,786
What do you think, I'm a slut?

130
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,748
You think
just because I dance naked for money,

131
00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:58,949
that I'm an easy lay?

132
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:00,159
- No.
- Oh, really?

133
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:01,796
Well, no, actually.

134
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,834
We came back here,
we brewed some mint tea,

135
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,959
curled up on the sofa,
and watched some British television.

136
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,008
<i>Return to Cranford.</i>

137
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,719
- Have you seen it? Oh, it's a real treat.
- Hmm.

138
00:07:13,976 --> 00:07:16,549
Of course we fucked!
The guy's an animal.

139
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,135
Come on.

140
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,061
Did he wear a rubber?

141
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,356
Oh, no glove, no love. That's my policy.

142
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,642
That's a solid policy.

143
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:36,696
- Hi, Charlie.
- Hi, Lizzie.

144
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:37,911
Can I come in?

145
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,159
Ooh, do you think it's appropriate?

146
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:43,455
In this case, yes.
I just wanted to say goodbye.

147
00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:46,631
Goodbye? What are you talking about?
You just said hello.

148
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:48,377
Marcy let me go.

149
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,419
Really? As in, fired you?

150
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:54,678
Why?

151
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,140
Well, it's a long story,

152
00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:02,226
but, basically, she thinks
I was trying to seduce her husband.

153
00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:03,812
Were you?

154
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,562
Stu's not exactly my type, Charlie.

155
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:09,152
He has a very big penis. Seriously.

156
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,944
It's like a pile of snakes
with an apple on top.

157
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:14,822
- That's disgusting, Charlie.
- Very.

158
00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,494
So, what happened?

159
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:21,791
Well, Stuart was taking a nap,
and it was so hot in the hills,

160
00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:23,371
that I thought I'd go for a swim.

161
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:26,747
They're always encouraging me
to use their pool.

162
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,414
I didn't have a bathing suit.

163
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,419
Continue. Please.

164
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:34,922
But no one was home.

165
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,117
Mr Beggs, I am so sorry!

166
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,863
Stuart's asleep,
and I thought I was here alone.

167
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,372
No apologies, dear.

168
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:03,038
You have a magnificent body.

169
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,336
And call me Stu.

170
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:11,088
- So, you were naked.
- Completely.

171
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:14,418
And I think
he must've said something to Marcy,

172
00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:16,552
and she thought it was inappropriate.

173
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,134
And then, suddenly,
she started screaming,

174
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:19,885
and I was fired.

175
00:09:20,853 --> 00:09:21,932
Charlie?

176
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:29,022
You let me see what I can do.
I'll go talk to them.

177
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,395
Thank you, Charlie.
You're a dream.

178
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,277
Now, just so I'm clear,

179
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:37,442
- you were totally naked?
- Yes, Charlie.

180
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:38,995
OK. Good.

181
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:40,534
- Got it.
- Yeah.

182
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,948
Um, do you mind terribly
if I use your shower?

183
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,746
It's just... I feel so dirty
and disgusting after all this.

184
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:49,620
No problem at all! Be my guest.

185
00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:53,338
Um...

186
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,132
Yes, I'll be totally naked
in your shower, Charlie.

187
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,300
Excellent!

188
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,178
Fuck it, I gotta know.
Did she say what happened?

189
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,896
- Who?
- The stripper, goddamn it!

190
00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:09,899
Ah, yeah. Right, the stripper.
Do you really wanna know?

191
00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:13,105
No, but I gotta know
what I'm dealing with here.

192
00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:14,857
Look, if I cheated on this woman,

193
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,946
this incredible fucking goddess
of a woman, my queen...

194
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,948
I gotta come clean, Hank.
She's been through it too much.

195
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,239
No of fence.

196
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:26,496
Some taken.

197
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,541
All right. Well, this is what she told me.

198
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:35,171
She said she brought you home,
and she was down for anything.

199
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:38,297
And you were tempted,
but you fought her off.

200
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,340
Said you were in love with your wife.

201
00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:43,433
You couldn't do it.
You couldn't even get it up.

202
00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:44,717
Jesus.

203
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,019
I'm relieved, but ashamed.

204
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,766
The drinking does that to a man.

205
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,566
Well, it happens to the best of us.

206
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,478
- Jesus.
- Not really.

207
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:55,986
I'm so relieved. Thank you.

208
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,691
Why?

209
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,192
- Why? Why?
- Exactly!

210
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:04,196
- Yeah, why?
- Why? You tell me why.

211
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:07,160
Why must two men
be confined to handshakes and hugs?

212
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,376
What happens when that's not enough?

213
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:10,836
You come out of the closet!

214
00:11:11,547 --> 00:11:12,661
What?

215
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:15,081
For such a fine man,
you're so damn limited.

216
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,423
It's a burden, but I cope.

217
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,800
How 'bout a breath mint, dude?
You been throwing up all morning.

218
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,003
Yeah, what's your excuse?

219
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,550
So you just fire her just like that?
No second chance, no...

220
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,722
Yeah, well, she's a dirty, little slut!

221
00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:31,689
Hey! Lizzie is many things.

222
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:33,981
"Dirty, little slut"
certainly isn't one of them.

223
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:37,105
Who swims naked in a pool
when the man of the house is home?

224
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,447
She was hot!
She thought she was alone!

225
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,277
Why are you defending her so much?

226
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,409
Cos she's great with our son!

227
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,785
Yo! I'm done.

228
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:49,828
Did my best. You're up, Marcy.

229
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,581
I fucking hate not having a nanny!

230
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,749
What about you,
big-time movie producer?

231
00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,801
You have no say in this?

232
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,972
Charlie, I've produced movies.

233
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,717
Big, small.

234
00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:07,097
I've run two studios.

235
00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:08,300
I have managed the egos

236
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,349
of some of the greatest movie stars
in the world,

237
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:14,013
but I cannot boss this woman around.

238
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,354
She rules the roost.

239
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:19,068
Which is just a fancy way of saying
you're fucking pussy-whipped.

240
00:12:19,323 --> 00:12:20,733
Precisely.

241
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:24,696
Besides,
there was something weird about it.

242
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:27,945
- What?
- The thing with Lizzie.

243
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,154
What do you mean?

244
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,538
I mean, there was a strange vibe.

245
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,475
I'm so sorry, Mr Beggs.

246
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,477
Stuart's asleep.
I thought that no one was home.

247
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:02,563
No need to apologise and call me Stu.

248
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,028
You have a magnificent body!

249
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,234
Thank you.

250
00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,535
Do you think I have
what it takes to be an actress?

251
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:10,869
Yes.

252
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:15,082
I don't see Lizzie as the kind of girl

253
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:18,919
to just throw herself
at some creepy, old married guy.

254
00:13:21,093 --> 00:13:22,468
Runkle...

255
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:25,502
I know I am not a handsome man,

256
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:27,673
but I am a very successful man.

257
00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,427
I know what it's like to be hit on

258
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:32,305
by pretty young things
who want something from me.

259
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:34,098
Must be nice.

260
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,684
Wish I did.

261
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:45,942
Whew! Do not go in there
for at least 24 hours.

262
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,197
OK.

263
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,030
- Hey, look at that. That's neat.
- Thank you.

264
00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:50,366
- Can I play with it?
- No! Please don't touch...

265
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:51,950
- Do you have matchbox cars?
- No!

266
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,116
I have a pitch to a client tomorrow.

267
00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:55,995
How's Batesy?

268
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:59,040
He's asleep, you know,
sleeping it off upstairs.

269
00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,673
How are you?

270
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,087
Well, what can I do?

271
00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:03,883
I mean, he's going through a crisis,
you know?

272
00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:08,631
If I throw him out, if I leave,
then it's just gonna get worse, right?

273
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,339
So that's it?
You're just gonna stand by your man?

274
00:14:11,435 --> 00:14:13,178
That's what I do.

275
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,688
Thanks for bringing him home,
by the way.

276
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:18,854
It's my pleasure

277
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:21,861
and I wanna apologise
for that weirdness this morning.

278
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:25,231
You know I love
spending any amount of time with you,

279
00:14:25,324 --> 00:14:26,901
however chaste.

280
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,069
Could you get it? It's probably just Tyler.

281
00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:32,031
Oh, fabulous.

282
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,535
Stop it.

283
00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:35,533
- Could you say sorry?
- I did!

284
00:14:35,626 --> 00:14:37,998
No, again, like you mean it.

285
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:41,745
Oh.

286
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,797
What the fuck, stripper?

287
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,343
I found this on the bedroom floor,

288
00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:46,886
and I thought that
maybe he'd want it back!

289
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,963
Have you no shame?
He's a married man!

290
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,254
Oh, so what? I didn't come here

291
00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:52,176
to tell his wife
that he bangs strippers on the side.

292
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:53,346
He doesn't bang strippers on the side.

293
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,392
He's got a drinking problem is all,
a little one.

294
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:57,521
Oh, I'll say. Guy's a fuckin' lunatic.

295
00:14:57,606 --> 00:14:58,886
He wanted me
to shove a dildo up his ass

296
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:00,892
- and jerk him off at the same time.
- Oh! Come on!

297
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:02,395
- What is that called again?
- Painful?

298
00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:04,110
- No, the Digging to China?
- Against God?

299
00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:05,394
The Fire... The Fire Hose.

300
00:15:05,489 --> 00:15:07,316
No, no, no. The Bazooka.

301
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,903
No, no, no, the Shotgun.

302
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:11,115
- That's what...
- OK. Yeah, OK, OK.

303
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:13,658
Oh, God, I'm sorry. I got
so much crazy shit goin' on up here.

304
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,122
I'll say.

305
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,991
Well, so, I'm here with his wallet.

306
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,164
- Cool.
- Yeah.

307
00:15:19,253 --> 00:15:21,494
Hand it over, stripper. Be on your way.

308
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,296
No finder's fee?

309
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,630
What, is everything tip-based
with you people?

310
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,508
There you go.

311
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,010
- Not much room there.
- Mmm-hmm.

312
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,930
It's been a pleasure
doing business with you, Hank.

313
00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:39,103
How do I know you didn't take anything
out of his wallet?

314
00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:42,315
Well, I'm not a fuckin' thief,
you asshole. Jesus.

315
00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:44,144
You know, no good deed
goes unpunished in this town.

316
00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:48,068
Yes, that's right. You're
a regular girl scout, aren't ya?

317
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,734
- What's your part in all this?
- What do you mean?

318
00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:50,904
Well, he's married.

319
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,784
He lives in the big house
behind the white picket fence,

320
00:15:52,870 --> 00:15:55,621
so who the fuck are you? His gay lover?

321
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:59,917
If you must know,
his wife is my baby mama.

322
00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:03,333
Come here.

323
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:06,998
- Who's that?
- My girlfriend.

324
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,171
- Holly.
- Holly.

325
00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:09,458
- Holly!
- Yeah.

326
00:16:09,553 --> 00:16:10,584
- Karen.
- Karen.

327
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,672
It's so nice to meet you, Holly.

328
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,051
Um...

329
00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:15,553
Well, you guys wanna come in, or...

330
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:19,094
No, no, she's just meeting me here.
We're going hiking.

331
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:22,565
- You hike?
- Oh, yeah! Of course I do. I love it.

332
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,180
Love it.

333
00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:25,813
Where?

334
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:30,653
Um, gonna go up Manderhoff Canyon.

335
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,277
- I haven't heard of that.
- Me neither!

336
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:35,278
Well, that's why I like it!
It's less crowded.

337
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,995
Road less travelled and whatnot.

338
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,785
You gotta watch out
for the snakes, though.

339
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:42,200
You know what, Karen?
I would love to come inside.

340
00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:44,619
- You have a beautiful home.
- No, no.

341
00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:48,663
Thank you, Holly. Please come in.
Welcome.

342
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:53,258
Is she a stripper?

343
00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:55,055
Oh, she's just workin' her way
through school.

344
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:57,678
Don't be so fuckin' judgemental,
Karen. God!

345
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,817
- Jesus!
- Charlie!

346
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:12,064
That was a long fucking shower!

347
00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:13,616
I'm so sorry. I dozed off.

348
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,527
I was upset,
and I sat on the couch for a second,

349
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:17,327
and, before I knew it,
two hours had gone by.

350
00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:20,449
It's OK. I just... I got scared.

351
00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:22,663
Now, I'm delighted.

352
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,999
I'm just really out of sorts.

353
00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:26,201
I've just lost another job,

354
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,704
and I spent all this money
on acting classes.

355
00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:30,376
Acting classes?

356
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:31,926
What happened to
writing children's books?

357
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:34,418
What happened
to going to cooking school?

358
00:17:34,513 --> 00:17:37,182
I told you.
I change my mind all the time.

359
00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:39,472
I haven't found myself yet.

360
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:41,012
Besides, Stu said

361
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:43,938
he thinks I might have
what it takes to be an actress.

362
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:47,641
Well, you certainly
got the beauty part down pat.

363
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:50,517
You're so sweet to me, Charlie.

364
00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:55,362
What can I say,
you, uh, summon the sweetness in me.

365
00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,487
As well as some other stuff.

366
00:18:02,875 --> 00:18:04,333
Yes, I can tell.

367
00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,620
- Well, guess what.
- What?

368
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:12,165
I don't work
for Stu and Marcy any more.

369
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,300
I know. You told me.

370
00:18:14,553 --> 00:18:16,510
So, this whole thing

371
00:18:16,597 --> 00:18:19,384
isn't quite as inappropriate
as it once was.

372
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:22,301
I guess it's not.

373
00:18:24,021 --> 00:18:27,970
So, I guess it wouldn't be inappropriate

374
00:18:29,443 --> 00:18:30,854
to do this.

375
00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:39,572
Not at all.

376
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:42,906
Just like it's not
inappropriate to do this.

377
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:54,458
- So, Holly, you're a dancer.
- Yeah.

378
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:57,422
Oh, actually, Karen, no. I am a stripper.

379
00:18:57,763 --> 00:18:59,839
And I'm a realist.

380
00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:03,099
It's like, do you go to the cinema,

381
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,019
or do you go to the movies?

382
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:07,511
I don't know about you,
but I go to the fuckin' movies.

383
00:19:07,606 --> 00:19:08,637
Right.

384
00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:10,855
How 'bout you, handsome? Huh?

385
00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:13,559
- You like strippers? Or dancers?
- Oh, strip...

386
00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:15,685
Dancers.

387
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:17,865
You're fuckin' hot, dude.

388
00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:20,201
You in a band?

389
00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:22,527
Kind of a boyfriend-girlfriend thing
goin' on...

390
00:19:22,621 --> 00:19:25,290
No, I'm not in a band,
but I do play some guitar.

391
00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:27,990
Ooh, guitarists are the best!

392
00:19:28,085 --> 00:19:30,623
So good with their fuckin' hands! Right?

393
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,334
They know how to find the spot.
Right, baby?

394
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:36,633
And then that guitar, up on stage,
it's like this pulsing member,

395
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:38,877
and they're just workin' it,
and workin' it, and workin' it.

396
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:41,841
I mean, you know
what I'm talking about. Right, honey?

397
00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:44,968
I don't wanna know if she knows
what you're talking about.

398
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:47,516
Am I gonna
have to get used to this one, Dad?

399
00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:52,354
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm not very domesticated.

400
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:53,771
Yeah, just don't pee on the rug.

401
00:19:53,861 --> 00:19:55,189
Oh, I did that once!

402
00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:58,149
At Vince Neil's house, I was so drunk,

403
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,739
I just squatted on the floor
and I peed everywhere.

404
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,743
He thought it was hot.

405
00:20:03,829 --> 00:20:04,860
That's nice.

406
00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:07,537
So, where'd you guys meet?

407
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,248
Oh, backstage at a Motley show.

408
00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:12,744
I had to wrap my lips
around the tour manager.

409
00:20:12,838 --> 00:20:15,210
- It was totally worth it.
- I think she means us.

410
00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:17,790
Oh, right, right. Um...

411
00:20:18,552 --> 00:20:20,176
- Trader Joe's.
- Yeah.

412
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,464
He was handling the melons!

413
00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:26,464
No. No.

414
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:32,518
So, you two used to be a couple, right?

415
00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,643
And this is your little girl.

416
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,277
So, now,
when does Bates enter the picture?

417
00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:40,525
- How do you know Richard?
- She doesn't.

418
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,533
- I just told her about him.
- Why?

419
00:20:43,035 --> 00:20:45,739
Cos he's such a fuckin'
character, Karen. That's why.

420
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,110
Totally.

421
00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:51,698
- I mean, from what I've heard.
- Yeah.

422
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:01,426
So, um, anyone want another drink?

423
00:21:01,512 --> 00:21:02,543
I do!

424
00:21:02,638 --> 00:21:04,464
- I'll give you a hand, Mom.
- Thanks, sweetie.

425
00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:06,134
I'm gonna come with you guys.

426
00:21:06,225 --> 00:21:10,637
I need to use the ladies' room.
I gotta pee like a fuckin' racehorse.

427
00:21:17,361 --> 00:21:18,440
Way to go, Hank.

428
00:21:18,654 --> 00:21:20,196
Really nice girl you got yourself there.

429
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,356
- Class up the wazoo.
- Shut up.

430
00:21:22,574 --> 00:21:24,401
Yeah, whatever, look.
What I wanna know is...

431
00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:28,071
Did Bates fuck that chick or something?

432
00:21:28,163 --> 00:21:30,535
What?
You're talking about my girlfriend.

433
00:21:30,624 --> 00:21:32,913
Oh, bullshit. That chick is not your type.

434
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:34,164
What the fuck do you know
about my type?

435
00:21:34,253 --> 00:21:36,329
I know your type and she's inside.

436
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:38,959
And she's not the one
pissing "like a fuckin' racehorse."

437
00:21:39,049 --> 00:21:42,383
My question is,
why are you working so very hard

438
00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:43,963
to protect her from the truth?

439
00:21:46,765 --> 00:21:49,470
Well, maybe she's been
through enough, all right?

440
00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:52,099
OK, yeah,
but maybe she and Bates don't make it,

441
00:21:52,187 --> 00:21:55,307
and then you've got yourself
another shot at the good life.

442
00:21:55,399 --> 00:21:56,478
Mind your business, son.

443
00:21:56,567 --> 00:21:58,892
And don't think I haven't entertained
that very notion.

444
00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:01,821
But my strict moral code prohibits me...

445
00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:03,068
- Fair enough.
- Acting on it.

446
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:04,236
Mmm-hmm.

447
00:22:05,909 --> 00:22:08,198
I've been meaning to ask you,

448
00:22:09,079 --> 00:22:11,072
- would you do a favour for me?
- No.

449
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:13,413
No? That quick? Really?

450
00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:16,455
What?

451
00:22:18,297 --> 00:22:20,704
- Will you read my screenplay?
- Fuck you.

452
00:22:20,841 --> 00:22:22,833
OK.

453
00:22:22,926 --> 00:22:24,670
Well, just so you know,

454
00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:29,344
I don't have the same
strict moral code that you do, Hank.

455
00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:34,057
- I give it ten pages.
- Thank you.

456
00:22:55,292 --> 00:22:59,455
That was exquisite!

457
00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:02,915
Best sex of my life!
Did you see how long I lasted?

458
00:23:03,008 --> 00:23:04,835
Oh, no.

459
00:23:05,594 --> 00:23:08,050
No, no... You're crying.

460
00:23:09,181 --> 00:23:12,881
Of course you're crying,
I dirtied you. I'm so sorry.

461
00:23:13,393 --> 00:23:16,394
I just don't know
what I'm going to do now.

462
00:23:23,695 --> 00:23:24,775
Hello?

463
00:23:24,863 --> 00:23:27,070
<i>- Have you talked to Lizzie?
- No.</i>

464
00:23:27,407 --> 00:23:30,942
Well, I left her a bunch of messages
and she's not calling me back.

465
00:23:31,036 --> 00:23:33,705
Why should she?
You fired her for no fucking reason.

466
00:23:33,789 --> 00:23:36,078
OK, so I'm hiring her back,

467
00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:37,826
because Stuart's
a little fuckin' nightmare

468
00:23:37,918 --> 00:23:39,412
and she's got the magic touch.

469
00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:41,455
She certainly does.

470
00:23:42,965 --> 00:23:46,547
Well, if I see her, I will let her know.

471
00:23:46,718 --> 00:23:47,999
Thanks.

472
00:23:48,303 --> 00:23:49,679
Hey, you wouldn't
wanna come over here

473
00:23:49,763 --> 00:23:51,886
and see if you could put Stuart down,
would you...

474
00:23:51,974 --> 00:23:53,053
Hello?

475
00:23:57,187 --> 00:23:58,266
Guess what?

476
00:23:59,022 --> 00:24:00,185
What?

477
00:24:00,399 --> 00:24:02,890
Looks like
someone got you your job back.

478
00:24:04,570 --> 00:24:06,112
Thank you, Charlie.

479
00:24:09,199 --> 00:24:12,782
I guess this isn't
quite so appropriate any more?

480
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:17,414
Well, I haven't
officially accepted the position yet.

481
00:24:17,666 --> 00:24:18,946
- Ah.
- Uh-huh.

482
00:24:34,892 --> 00:24:37,299
Come on, girls,
unleash your inner whores.

483
00:24:37,394 --> 00:24:40,015
I know they're in there. Come on.
Like this.

484
00:24:40,564 --> 00:24:42,557
Come on, roll your hips. You know...

485
00:24:42,649 --> 00:24:44,025
Did you put something in my drink?

486
00:24:44,109 --> 00:24:46,066
Well, if I did, I got some in mine,
too. That's for sure.

487
00:24:46,153 --> 00:24:48,395
The pole, right.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

488
00:24:48,864 --> 00:24:50,192
Come on, tall boy.

489
00:24:50,324 --> 00:24:51,652
Uh... Oh!

490
00:24:53,410 --> 00:24:54,441
Yes.

491
00:24:56,788 --> 00:24:58,283
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

492
00:24:58,999 --> 00:25:00,790
- All right, all right.
- Hey!

493
00:25:01,084 --> 00:25:03,410
Hey. Hey! What are you doing?

494
00:25:03,504 --> 00:25:04,583
What the fuck?

495
00:25:05,130 --> 00:25:06,328
Hey! Hey, hey!

496
00:25:06,423 --> 00:25:07,454
Ow!

497
00:25:08,217 --> 00:25:10,505
- Get out! Get out!
- Hey!

498
00:25:13,764 --> 00:25:15,555
You come to my home?

499
00:25:15,849 --> 00:25:20,143
You lay hands on my woman?
How fucking dare you?

500
00:25:20,229 --> 00:25:21,771
You psycho slut from hell!

501
00:25:21,855 --> 00:25:23,515
Batesy, Batesy! She's with me!

502
00:25:24,233 --> 00:25:26,190
This is my girlfriend.

503
00:25:26,568 --> 00:25:27,813
Holly.

504
00:25:45,295 --> 00:25:47,703
It's nice to meet you, Holly.

505
00:25:48,298 --> 00:25:50,042
I'll be upstairs.

506
00:25:55,055 --> 00:25:56,134
How can I help?

507
00:25:56,223 --> 00:25:59,224
You can take your tramp and you can
get the fuck out of my house!

508
00:25:59,309 --> 00:26:00,768
Whoa! Who's she calling a tramp, huh?

509
00:26:00,853 --> 00:26:02,228
Pretty sure she means you.

510
00:26:02,312 --> 00:26:03,890
This is all your fault.

511
00:26:03,981 --> 00:26:06,554
Everything you fucking touch
turns to shit!

512
00:26:06,650 --> 00:26:08,061
I know this is
probably none of my business,

513
00:26:08,151 --> 00:26:10,144
but I don't think this is Hank's fault.

514
00:26:10,237 --> 00:26:12,064
- Shut up!
- Shutting up.

515
00:26:12,155 --> 00:26:15,275
Oh, no, no. It is my fault.
It's always my fault.

516
00:26:15,993 --> 00:26:18,032
How can I be of service?

517
00:26:19,371 --> 00:26:21,447
All right. Let's go, tramp.

518
00:26:21,540 --> 00:26:24,113
- I'll get you that screenplay, Hank.
- Yeah, can't wait.

519
00:26:24,209 --> 00:26:27,294
Becca, let this be a lesson to you.
Stay off the pole.

520
00:26:27,379 --> 00:26:29,206
You think this is funny?

521
00:26:29,298 --> 00:26:30,958
Do you see anyone laughing?

522
00:26:31,216 --> 00:26:33,125
I'm so sick and tired of
you showing up out of nowhere

523
00:26:33,218 --> 00:26:35,258
and fucking with our lives,

524
00:26:35,345 --> 00:26:36,923
like, somehow, you know better.

525
00:26:37,890 --> 00:26:39,550
You make a mess,
and then you waltz off,

526
00:26:39,641 --> 00:26:41,717
like you've done something noble.

527
00:26:41,810 --> 00:26:44,348
But we have to clean up after you!

528
00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:48,019
Let this be a lesson to you, Dad.

529
00:26:48,192 --> 00:26:49,852
Stay the fuck away.

530
00:26:52,613 --> 00:26:55,234
I like you much better
when you're in New York.

531
00:26:55,866 --> 00:26:58,357
Whoo! Chick's got fuckin' balls, huh?

532
00:26:58,869 --> 00:27:01,538
Thanks for the hospitality, bitches.
Mmm-hmm.

533
00:27:06,210 --> 00:27:07,704
You all right?

534
00:27:10,130 --> 00:27:12,621
- Wanna get a drink?
- Sure, why not?

535
00:27:12,841 --> 00:27:14,217
Cool, let's hit the 'Bow.

536
00:27:14,301 --> 00:27:15,499
- The Rainbow?
- Mmm-hmm.

537
00:27:16,094 --> 00:27:18,632
I went there once with a guy
named Lew Ashby.

538
00:27:19,097 --> 00:27:21,090
- You ever heard of him?
- Hear of him?

539
00:27:21,183 --> 00:27:23,590
Sucked his dick
more times than I can count.

540
00:27:26,063 --> 00:27:27,343
Ooh.

541
00:27:27,439 --> 00:27:29,396
You have a Porsche, huh?

542
00:27:30,943 --> 00:27:34,193
Very, very hot. That makes mama wet.

543
00:27:34,530 --> 00:27:37,199
Holy shit, this is my favourite song!

544
00:27:37,407 --> 00:27:39,447
Check it out. Watch this.