1
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,960
<i>Previously on Californication...</i>

2
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:11,083
I want to kill him, Hank.

3
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:12,720
I don't like it. Not one bit.

4
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:14,215
Hank, he's you.

5
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:16,879
What are you talking about?
The kid's a loathsome, fucking asshole.

6
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,176
- Did you read his screenplay yet?
- No, not yet.

7
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,055
I'll never talk to you again.

8
00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:25,815
- That bad, huh?
- It's that good.

9
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,985
- Really?
- Don't you even fucking dare, agent.

10
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,023
I'm sorry, Charlie. He just fell asleep.

11
00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:33,487
- Guess I'll just go, then.
- Yeah, you should go.

12
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,493
- God, I'm so hard right now!
- Oh, holy shit, they're home!

13
00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:43,252
Why does couples therapy
get me so worked up?

14
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,874
Let's do the one where
Charlie is still your husband,

15
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,457
but he's upstairs in a wheelchair.

16
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:48,579
I like that one!

17
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,044
How much disrespect
can one man take?

18
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,928
<i>Hank Moody, this is Kali.</i>

19
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,973
Man, the fucking script was
off the charts, homie.

20
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,470
<i>- You like it?
- Santa Monica Cop</i>

21
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,518
is my Eddie Murphy moment right now!

22
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,265
- Hey, Batesy!
- Great to see you.

23
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,767
I'm so glad you could make it.

24
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:07,056
Loving that mangina.

25
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,728
It is fucking liberating.

26
00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:11,150
I think I made
a terrible mistake, you know?

27
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,481
You still thinking about leaving him?

28
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:34,083
- No.
- But...

29
00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:36,051
- Absolutely not, Charlie.
- Yeah, I get it...

30
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:37,549
No means no, you know?

31
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:40,843
I'm just asking you to put in
a semi-decent word for me.

32
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,476
There'll be no putting of any kind.

33
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:46,012
And I am kindly asking you
not to take this meeting.

34
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,431
- But it's on the books.
- Well, then cancel that shit.

35
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:49,688
That's absurd!

36
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,187
Why? You have no problem
cancelling on me

37
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,436
when you got to go get
one of your fucking boils lanced.

38
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:54,989
That was twice.

39
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:58,525
And it's different. I'm not worried
about impressing you any more.

40
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,822
Exactly. That's what happens
in a relationship. You stop caring.

41
00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:03,657
Next thing you know,
the sex is sporadic,

42
00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:06,370
the blow jobs biannual,
and ass-play is out of the question.

43
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,871
Hey, when it comes to me and you,

44
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,621
Hank, ass-play is
never out of the question.

45
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:12,251
Oh, eat a dick, Charlie, preferably Stu's,

46
00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:14,629
with mustard and ketchup on it,
maybe some of Marcy, too.

47
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,719
This kid is blowing up!
Eddie Nero wants to star in his movie.

48
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,169
In about five minutes,

49
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:21,506
Tyler's going to be the hottest
screenwriter in the business.

50
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:23,973
Someone has to represent him.
Why not me?

51
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:26,053
Because you're
my fucking agent, Charlie.

52
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:27,934
I could lose my job.

53
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,931
You already masturbated yourself
out of a job. And guess what?

54
00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:33,066
You bounced back.
You landed on your webbed feet.

55
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,644
If you can make it through that shit,
you can make it through anything.

56
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:37,198
This is fucking bullshit!

57
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:39,690
No. I will tell you what's
fucking bullshit, Charlie,

58
00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:42,358
is why I have to explain
to my agent and friend

59
00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:45,075
of way too many years
why it's absurdly inappropriate

60
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,790
to represent my daughter's
boyfriend as a client.

61
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,998
No. No, I get what you're saying.

62
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,500
But...

63
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:53,756
Why is it inappropriate exactly?

64
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:57,133
Because it offends me
on a deeply personal level.

65
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,962
Can you grasp that, Sammy Glick?

66
00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:03,380
I guess so.

67
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,469
Good. Now give me a hug and a kiss.

68
00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:07,352
It's my first day of work,
and I'm running late.

69
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:08,980
Oh, shit. That's right. I forgot.

70
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,012
Wait. You forgot?

71
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,018
You're my agent,
you're the Samurai's agent,

72
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,938
you're Stu's agent, and yet you forgot

73
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,069
<i>that today is the first day
of shooting of Santa Monica Cop.</i>

74
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,316
This is why people
don't like you, Charlie.

75
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,155
Who doesn't like me?

76
00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:23,656
People.

77
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:29,740
People love me.

78
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,101
You're gonna need a bigger gun.

79
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:35,181
Nah, man. That shit ain't working, man.

80
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,104
- It's not working.
- Cut.

81
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,559
It's not working.

82
00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:39,899
It's not working.

83
00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:42,736
- Hank, it's not working.
- Take that, watermelon!

84
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,233
Oh, I'm sorry.

85
00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,321
It turns out I am quite the Fruit Ninja.

86
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,246
- It's fucking shitty.
- The line's not working, Moody.

87
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,531
I told you it was stupid.

88
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,164
You can't just rip off one of the
classic movie lines of all time.

89
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,129
But it sounded badass at the time.

90
00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:59,878
<i>Yeah, because we were
really high and watching Jaws.</i>

91
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:01,717
I ain't feeling that shit no more, though.

92
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:02,833
Give him something else, Hank.

93
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:06,594
Sure, let me reach into my grab bag
of classic movie lines.

94
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:10,180
Nope, nothing there. Hold on.
Let me check up my ass.

95
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:16,398
- What the fuck we paying him for?
- His snappy fucking dialogue.

96
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,357
Sorkin passed, but he's a fan.

97
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:19,932
Really? That's awesome.

98
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,602
It ain't just the fucking line, man.
It's the whole fucking scene, man.

99
00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:23,860
This shit is weak.

100
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,443
I don't even know
what I want any more.

101
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:26,945
Well, you want the girl.

102
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,411
Who wouldn't want that girl?

103
00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:30,736
What's up, babe?

104
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,159
I would just kill the motherfucker,
wouldn't I?

105
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,530
Well, he's your partner, Sam.

106
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:35,997
Yeah, but he fucked my girl.

107
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,877
But you like him.
And he makes you laugh.

108
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,083
- Let me tell you something, man.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

109
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,630
Whoever fucked my girl,
brother's going to be sucking on this.

110
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:45,720
You know, I think this is brilliant, Sam.

111
00:05:46,305 --> 00:05:47,882
But the studio,
they're not going to want you

112
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,171
killing your best friend and partner.

113
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:50,677
They feel that that's the kind of thing

114
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,890
that makes you really fucking unlikable.

115
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:56,683
I told you, Stu, right? Don't use
that fucking word around me, man.

116
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,433
"Unlikable"? I hate that shit.

117
00:05:58,525 --> 00:05:59,556
Booyah!

118
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:04,194
Using the word "unlikable" actually
makes the user unlikable. Bong-bong.

119
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,487
With all due respect, Hank,
shut the fuck up.

120
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:08,484
You know what? Y'all motherfuckers
figure this shit out.

121
00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:10,655
Me and my boys are gonna go
smoke some fucking weed,

122
00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,204
- get my head straight, a'ight?
- A'ight.

123
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,164
- I'll be in the fucking room, man.
- A'ight.

124
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,456
- So you know what to do?
- Uh, no.

125
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:19,957
Just rewrite the fucking scene,
move some shit around,

126
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,419
- write a better kill zinger.
- And if I can't?

127
00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:24,834
Well, I could throw a rock

128
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,128
and find another writer
willing to replace you

129
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:28,964
for half the money
the studio's paying you, Hank.

130
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,381
I'll see what I can do.

131
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,143
What's wrong, Charlie?

132
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,809
Nothing. Not a thing.

133
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,475
I'm getting my dick sucked
on a beautiful day

134
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,526
by an even more beautiful girl.
What could possibly be wrong?

135
00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:50,652
Well, there's something very wrong
with your penis right now.

136
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:54,862
There are a great many things
wrong with my penis, dear Lizzie.

137
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:58,575
No, you're just not responding
the way you normally do.

138
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:00,663
I think I'm pretty hard.

139
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,379
Usually, you're forged of iron.

140
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:08,051
I guess I'm a little perturbed
by this whole Hank and Tyler thing.

141
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:11,343
What is a sleazeball agent to do?

142
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,889
Well, I told you what I think.

143
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:15,341
I know.

144
00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,643
Some things are just business, Charlie,

145
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,351
- and should be handled as such.
- I know.

146
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:24,684
But I've never seen him so adamant
about something. He's my best friend.

147
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,360
Well, do you think you could
service them both without conflict?

148
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,562
Absolutely...

149
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:30,695
I think.

150
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,907
Personally, I don't think it's fair
to ask a thing like that.

151
00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,240
It's very self-serving.

152
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,611
I agree.

153
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:36,820
Mmm-hmm.

154
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:41,164
I think you're just going to have to
go with your gut on this one, Charlie.

155
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,912
- Go with gut. Got it.
- Mmm-hmm.

156
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,252
Oh, um...

157
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,384
Have you had a chance to talk to Stuart

158
00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:56,589
<i>about Santa Monica Cop?</i>

159
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,470
If there's a part that I could read for?

160
00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:00,186
You know, something small, of course.

161
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:01,303
No, but I will.

162
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:02,930
You promise?

163
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,352
I promise.

164
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,577
Hold on.

165
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:33,335
Fuck it. Come on in.

166
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:35,879
How's it coming, Hank?

167
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:38,346
Just one of those days, Stu.
Shit's not flowing.

168
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:39,466
Copy that.

169
00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:43,851
You've got to let the cash
be your laxative, Hank.

170
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,275
Hey, that's a pretty good line, Stu.

171
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,933
I'm sorry I can't use it
in your big, shitty movie.

172
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,735
Well, you got 15 minutes, Hank.

173
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,864
My big, shitty movie is losing the light.

174
00:08:58,372 --> 00:08:59,996
Come in.

175
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:01,827
Can you do me a huge favour?

176
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,874
- What's that?
- Save my career.

177
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:08,120
I'm sorry. You must have me confused.
I... I'm just the writer.

178
00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:11,758
- And I'm just the girl.
- Well, at least you're the girl.

179
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,469
You're not just a girl.

180
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:16,211
I'm window dressing. I'm here to smile,

181
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,216
give teenage boys
something to jerk off to,

182
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,384
and get sexually harassed
by the director.

183
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,178
He is kind of a smarmy
little douche, isn't he?

184
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,268
My character needs to grow some balls.

185
00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:28,101
She's basically just a dial tone with tits.

186
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:29,475
I'll get right on that.

187
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:30,601
I'll show them to you.

188
00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:32,439
Your tits? I don't want to see your tits.

189
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:33,562
Really?

190
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:36,403
Well, that's not completely true,
but you don't have to show them to me.

191
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:37,987
I mean, I may be a schmuck
with an Underwood,

192
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,703
but I'm not a fucking sleaze merchant.

193
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:44,535
Look, I know my boobs got me this job,
but I'm actually a serious actress.

194
00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:47,546
I went to Julliard.
I'm a fucking theatre geek.

195
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:51,084
I love words.
Dialogue is like music to me.

196
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,167
Whatever you write, I will make it sing.

197
00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,879
Help me, Hank. You're my only hope.

198
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,801
All right, you're cool, you're smart,

199
00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:03,051
and you're appealing
to my subversive nobility.

200
00:10:03,896 --> 00:10:06,766
Plus, it doesn't hurt that I'm
really fucking high right now.

201
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:10,392
Let's see if we can't sneak a smart,
cool chick into this piece of shit.

202
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,896
Oh. That feels rad. Keep doing that.

203
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,198
You know, I'm getting inspired.

204
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,774
I feel some ballsy banter coming on.

205
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:20,693
Oh.

206
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,822
If you keep pressing those
savage yabbos into my back,

207
00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:25,908
I'm not going to get anything done.
Just saying.

208
00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:29,710
Maybe one more time. I'll decide.

209
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,583
<i>Why'd you cancel
on me, Charlie?</i>

210
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:41,180
Well... I... You know,
I've thought about this a lot, Tyler,

211
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:45,134
and, uh, I just don't feel it would be
appropriate to represent you

212
00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:47,555
while I'm representing Hank.

213
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:51,649
And, seeing as how I'm damned to
represent Hank unto eternity...

214
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:54,356
Wait, wait, wait.
You don't think it's appropriate,

215
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:55,857
or Hank doesn't think it's appropriate?

216
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:58,522
Does it matter?

217
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,323
Not to me. I've got
a bunch of meetings lined up.

218
00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:06,623
But it was really cool
to meet you, though, Charlie.

219
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:07,871
Kind of a dream come true.

220
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,330
Why is that?

221
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:11,121
Well, cos you're Hank Moody's agent.

222
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:13,581
Who wouldn't want to be represented
by Hank Moody's agent?

223
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:16,212
From where I'm sitting, that'd be
the coolest fucking thing ever.

224
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,333
Who else are you meeting with?

225
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,763
All the majors.

226
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:23,718
There's this guy at CAA. He's got
this little black book full of whores.

227
00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:26,135
He offered to hook me up gratis.

228
00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,553
- Can you match that?
- I'd love to, Tyler!

229
00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:30,189
But they watch me like a hawk here.

230
00:11:30,274 --> 00:11:33,025
I so much as look at
a naked picture on the internet,

231
00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:35,897
and HR swoops in
and an alarm goes off.

232
00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:37,398
It's fucking terrifying.

233
00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:40,814
Totally.

234
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:45,570
Well, if this isn't going further,
then I might as well take off.

235
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,037
What do you say you and me

236
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:51,456
get the hell out of here,
we go get a drink someplace?

237
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:55,590
I could give you some advice about
what to watch out for out there.

238
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,920
Sure, I could drink.

239
00:12:02,181 --> 00:12:03,556
This is really good, Hank.

240
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,172
Thank you.

241
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,511
I feel like I'm in this movie
all of a sudden.

242
00:12:07,603 --> 00:12:09,560
My pleasure. I hope it helps.

243
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:12,054
Good luck with all the dress-up
and the make-believe.

244
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,180
Seeing how good this is

245
00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:15,683
makes me think about all the other
scenes we could dig into together.

246
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,272
Whoa! Slow down there.

247
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,569
I'm here mainly to burnish
the Samurai's banter.

248
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:20,854
Can I show you my tits?

249
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,317
I... I told you, you don't have to...

250
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:24,775
Necessarily.

251
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,115
I'm doing my first
nude scene this week,

252
00:12:26,205 --> 00:12:27,912
and I'm a little insecure about the girls.

253
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:31,082
I'm sure the girls are fine...

254
00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:32,740
Doesn't even begin to cover it.

255
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:34,743
You are going to enchant

256
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:38,421
an entire generation of teenage boys
with those pound puppies.

257
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:41,375
That's, like, the perfect reaction.
Thank you.

258
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:44,300
And nab yourself a
Mr Skin award in the bargain.

259
00:12:45,224 --> 00:12:47,133
- Thank you.
- You're welcome. Thank you.

260
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:48,720
No, I mean...

261
00:12:49,353 --> 00:12:51,891
Thank you, Hank, for everything.

262
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,391
You're very welcome.

263
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:56,353
Mmm.

264
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,899
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.

265
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,980
Gosh, we have some
excellent manners.

266
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,943
This is like some serious
Merchant lvory shit here.

267
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:06,276
I guess I'm just a firm believer
in repaying favours.

268
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:07,484
Oh.

269
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:10,785
Did you hear the one about
the Polish actress

270
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,534
that came to Hollywood
and blew the writer?

271
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,242
Just kidding. Keep going.

272
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:19,128
OK, where are the fucking pages?

273
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:23,297
- Holy fucking shit!
- Oh, my word!

274
00:13:23,387 --> 00:13:25,510
Who the fuck do you
think you are, Moody?

275
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,590
Don't shoot me.
I'm only the piano player.

276
00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:30,846
I cast her, you fucking prick!

277
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,059
I've had my eye on her this whole time!

278
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,391
Her ass is mine!

279
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,806
- How's that working out for you?
- I want him fired.

280
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,272
No, you're going to have to
run that past the Samurai.

281
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:41,852
I can't do that.
That guy scares the shit out of me.

282
00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,322
How about defending me, Stu?

283
00:13:43,574 --> 00:13:46,491
I wasn't the one who got caught with
his prick in a young lady's mouth.

284
00:13:46,577 --> 00:13:48,949
Well, excuse me
for accepting a blow job

285
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:51,196
in exchange for
an honest 15 minutes' work.

286
00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:54,374
That woman is a legitimate actress.
She can blow whoever she wants.

287
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,668
My movie is going to shit.

288
00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,036
Are you crying?

289
00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,245
No, I'm just...

290
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,258
There is no crying
in tent-pole filmmaking!

291
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,048
You fucking Mary.
Go get some fucking Pamprin. Go on!

292
00:14:06,138 --> 00:14:08,012
Go on! Go on! Go on!

293
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,257
Get your shit together, man!

294
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:14,679
These pages are really good, Hank.

295
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:15,934
Totally deserved the B.J.

296
00:14:16,315 --> 00:14:17,429
I know, right?

297
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:29,738
So do you have any idea
what you want to do next?

298
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,407
Oh, yeah, I've got a bunch of ideas.

299
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:34,070
I actually, um, pitched some over
to the WB guys,

300
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:35,957
and they pretty much shit their pants.

301
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,537
Yeah, that's a problem over there.

302
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:38,867
They said that they could put me

303
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:41,632
in a room with studio heads
and I could sell my ideas immediately.

304
00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:45,087
Really? That's... That's great, Tyler.

305
00:14:45,219 --> 00:14:46,333
I think I'll be fine.

306
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,258
Yeah, you... You're going to do great.

307
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,721
It was really cool of Hank
to give me a leg up like this.

308
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,600
You know, I'm actually kind of surprised

309
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,228
he's so against you representing me.

310
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:56,766
It's a conflict.

311
00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,725
You'd be going up on
a lot of the same jobs.

312
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,098
No, I get it.

313
00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:04,977
Man, it'd be cool if we could do
something together, though, you know?

314
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:06,447
That would be cool.

315
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,567
That would be a big deal.

316
00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:11,366
- I got this one idea where...
- You know what?

317
00:15:12,538 --> 00:15:13,569
Let's do this!

318
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:17,698
What?

319
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,827
I want to do this.
I want to work with you.

320
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,663
You don't worry.
I will smooth it over with Hank.

321
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,878
- What, you want to sign me now?
- Yes. Yes, I do.

322
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,875
I'm going with my gut on this one.

323
00:15:27,803 --> 00:15:28,834
I don't know.

324
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:29,960
What do you mean you don't know?

325
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,763
What happened to the,
"Working with Hank Moody's agent,

326
00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:33,047
"that would be, like, the coolest thing"?

327
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,600
Well, I don't know, I mean,
I've got all these agents

328
00:15:34,685 --> 00:15:37,092
who are genuinely excited about
being in business with me.

329
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,512
I wouldn't want to be, you know,
twisting your arm or anything.

330
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,895
You're not twisting my arm, not at all.

331
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:44,272
Kid, I want to work with you.
Let's do this!

332
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,227
Something feels weird.

333
00:15:47,406 --> 00:15:48,604
What, you want me to
set you up with a whore?

334
00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:49,730
I can do that. Done!

335
00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:52,114
No, I don't want you to
set me up with a whore.

336
00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:53,859
I have a girlfriend.

337
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,781
- Becca?
- Becca.

338
00:15:56,874 --> 00:15:58,617
The daughter of your best friend
and star client.

339
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:00,536
Right. Great girl.

340
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,660
You're weird, dude.

341
00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:05,667
Yes. Yes, I am.

342
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:09,126
I'm also a fucking shark
and I will slay dragons for you.

343
00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:15,892
Well, those are all very
generically passionate words.

344
00:16:16,435 --> 00:16:17,466
But...

345
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,101
I think I need to see
some of this passion in action.

346
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:23,771
Anything. You name it, I will do it.

347
00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:28,404
Do you see that guy in there?

348
00:16:35,204 --> 00:16:36,911
Sure. How could I miss him?

349
00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:40,955
Go up to him and tell him

350
00:16:41,752 --> 00:16:43,709
that you want to suck his dick.

351
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:46,334
What?

352
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:47,924
And finger his asshole.

353
00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,471
You're kidding me, right?

354
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,136
You're... You're kidding.

355
00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:07,689
No?

356
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,986
I've got that meeting at ICM.
I should probably get going.

357
00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:40,685
What's up, Sam? They're kind of
waiting for you down on set.

358
00:17:40,853 --> 00:17:42,892
Did you not like the new pages
or something?

359
00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:44,684
Pages is good.

360
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,184
Well, that's great. Good.
I aim to please.

361
00:17:46,275 --> 00:17:47,306
That's awesome.

362
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:51,109
I don't like being embarrassed, man.

363
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,023
Embarrassed? Really?

364
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,319
Is this about...

365
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:55,783
Is this about the girl and the blow job?

366
00:17:55,868 --> 00:17:57,741
I mean, that's just one of
those crazy fucking things.

367
00:17:57,828 --> 00:17:59,287
She literally fell into my lap.

368
00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:01,121
You know, I... I couldn't say no.

369
00:18:01,832 --> 00:18:04,121
Could have thought about me
and our friendship.

370
00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:06,166
Well, as she released my dick

371
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,495
from the crowded confines
of my pantaloons,

372
00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:10,498
thoughts of you were
nowhere near my mind,

373
00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:12,299
which I think is probably a good thing.

374
00:18:14,845 --> 00:18:16,125
Do you value our friendship, Moody?

375
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:18,681
Yes, I've grown...

376
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:21,923
Quite fond of you, brodine.

377
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,598
Same here, motherfucker.

378
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,105
That's why I'm really going to
hate to do this to you.

379
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:30,898
Come on, Sam. This is a
bit of a hip-hop cliché, isn't it?

380
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,940
Clichés are clichés for a reason, man.
Because they fucking work!

381
00:18:34,031 --> 00:18:37,316
You don't want to do this,
not over a silly blowjob.

382
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:40,317
You know what? I don't.

383
00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:41,491
But what choice do I have, man?

384
00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:42,991
You disrespect me
in my fucking workplace?

385
00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,113
What are you...
What are you talking about?

386
00:18:44,208 --> 00:18:45,239
Do you even like this girl?

387
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:47,622
I don't even know that bitch's name,
man. That ain't the point here.

388
00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:49,704
The point is, I'm number one
on that fucking call sheet!

389
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,964
I can't have the whole cast and
crew of a major motion picture

390
00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:56,466
whispering how my court jester
screwed the baddest bitch on the set!

391
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:59,342
Is that all I am to you, a court jester?

392
00:18:59,598 --> 00:19:00,629
Yeah, what, nigga? You funny, man.

393
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:02,930
You amuse me.
You don't see the value in that?

394
00:19:03,519 --> 00:19:05,677
Yo! Jestering is a
noble profession, Hank.

395
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:08,345
Whatever.
You going to drop me or what?

396
00:19:09,024 --> 00:19:11,729
- You learned your lesson, man?
- Yes!

397
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,194
Have you learned your fucking lesson?

398
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:17,025
Do not accept free blow jobs
on the set from actresses

399
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:19,357
if you're not number one
on the call sheet. Got it.

400
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,237
Bring his ass fucking up, man.

401
00:19:36,635 --> 00:19:37,750
Excuse me.

402
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:42,344
What up?

403
00:19:42,975 --> 00:19:44,006
Well,

404
00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:47,311
I would very much

405
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:49,432
like to

406
00:19:51,108 --> 00:19:52,222
suck your dick.

407
00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,526
What? What did he say?

408
00:19:55,863 --> 00:19:57,654
I'm sorry.

409
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,441
I would like

410
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,608
to suck your dick.

411
00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:05,992
What the fuck?

412
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:08,163
And finger your asshole.

413
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,495
Let me get this straight.

414
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,584
You would like to suck my dick?

415
00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:15,666
And finger your asshole.

416
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:17,592
And finger my asshole?

417
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,166
Yes!

418
00:20:24,558 --> 00:20:25,589
Are you fucking with me?

419
00:20:25,851 --> 00:20:27,725
Yes! Yes!

420
00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,845
I'm sorry. It was a dare. I...

421
00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:32,476
No disrespect intended,
none whatsoever.

422
00:20:36,028 --> 00:20:37,226
It was a dare!

423
00:20:37,321 --> 00:20:39,444
I swear! It was a dare!

424
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:41,987
Be gentle.

425
00:20:49,917 --> 00:20:50,996
You OK?

426
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:53,920
I suppose so.
The heart palpitations are subsiding.

427
00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:56,210
I think I may need to
wipe myself, though.

428
00:20:56,590 --> 00:20:58,049
Look, man, I'm really sorry, yo.

429
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:01,460
It ain't easy being the star
of this fucking joint, man.

430
00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:02,834
I'm under a lot of pressure.

431
00:21:02,930 --> 00:21:04,887
A lot of people looking up to me
for an example.

432
00:21:05,349 --> 00:21:07,970
I don't give a fuck about that bitch,
but I do care about my credibility

433
00:21:08,060 --> 00:21:09,091
as a major movie star.

434
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:10,551
I got to save face.

435
00:21:11,355 --> 00:21:14,272
I'm sorry if I did anything
to endanger your face.

436
00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:17,309
You know, Pete Berg dropped off
of this joint because of you

437
00:21:17,528 --> 00:21:19,604
and your fucking shenanigans.
What did I do?

438
00:21:19,947 --> 00:21:23,113
Nothing. Took it like a man,
because you my boy, Moody.

439
00:21:23,367 --> 00:21:25,655
I like being your boy. Are we good?

440
00:21:26,036 --> 00:21:27,067
Yeah, we good, man.

441
00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:29,247
But, yo, if that had been Kali,

442
00:21:29,665 --> 00:21:32,998
your fucking ass would be a fucking
stain on Ocean Avenue right now.

443
00:21:33,085 --> 00:21:34,116
Of course.

444
00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:36,542
That's another thing, man,
the Kali of it all.

445
00:21:36,630 --> 00:21:39,465
This bitch's got my heart ping-ponging
back and forth, you know what I mean?

446
00:21:39,550 --> 00:21:41,459
- Yeah.
- How much turmoil can a brother take?

447
00:21:41,552 --> 00:21:43,260
Copy that. Yeah. Yeah.

448
00:21:51,937 --> 00:21:54,475
- Where you want it at?
- What?

449
00:21:54,565 --> 00:21:56,522
- I got to hit you, man.
- Why?

450
00:21:56,608 --> 00:21:57,640
Fucking consequences, yo.

451
00:21:57,734 --> 00:21:59,110
What about dangling me
over the balcony?

452
00:21:59,194 --> 00:22:00,225
That felt consequential to me.

453
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,894
- That was just to scare you, son.
- Yeah, well, it did scare me. It did.

454
00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:05,563
Look, normally, I would pistol whip
a motherfucker for this kind of shit.

455
00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:06,690
No, no, no. That sounds...

456
00:22:06,785 --> 00:22:08,991
- Yeah, that'd be too harsh, right?
- Yeah, that sounds too harsh.

457
00:22:09,079 --> 00:22:10,787
Stop fucking whining and
take your medicine, Moody.

458
00:22:18,964 --> 00:22:20,244
Hey, you don't look too bad.

459
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:24,419
I thought you'd walk back in here
all bruised up and shit.

460
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:26,718
The only violence was emotional.

461
00:22:26,805 --> 00:22:27,968
What did they do?

462
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:32,677
They took me out back,

463
00:22:34,855 --> 00:22:36,894
put me down on my knees.

464
00:22:37,482 --> 00:22:40,353
The big guy took down his pants.

465
00:22:41,278 --> 00:22:42,393
He took out his dick.

466
00:22:42,487 --> 00:22:45,157
It was very big, Tyler.

467
00:22:45,908 --> 00:22:47,366
He could have tied it into a pretzel.

468
00:22:51,121 --> 00:22:52,200
And?

469
00:22:55,584 --> 00:22:57,956
He slapped me in the face with it.

470
00:22:58,253 --> 00:22:59,664
He slapped you in the face
with his dick?

471
00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:04,796
Yes, multiple times.

472
00:23:05,135 --> 00:23:06,879
I think he left a trail of dog-water.

473
00:23:13,310 --> 00:23:14,341
Wow!

474
00:23:15,687 --> 00:23:17,182
Jesus! Um...

475
00:23:19,274 --> 00:23:21,101
You know, I don't think
I can be represented by a guy

476
00:23:21,235 --> 00:23:23,939
who would allow himself
to be humiliated like that.

477
00:23:24,029 --> 00:23:25,144
What?

478
00:23:25,489 --> 00:23:27,944
I'm going to take that meeting at ICM.
I'll let you know what I decide.

479
00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:29,278
Oh, no, you don't!

480
00:23:29,743 --> 00:23:31,652
You're signing with me,
and you're signing with me right now!

481
00:23:31,745 --> 00:23:34,236
I just went through hell and
back for you, you little shit!

482
00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:36,825
You're going to sign with me,

483
00:23:37,251 --> 00:23:38,745
or I'm going to have my new friends

484
00:23:38,836 --> 00:23:40,627
slap you in the face with all their dicks,

485
00:23:40,712 --> 00:23:41,744
you hear me?

486
00:23:44,591 --> 00:23:45,622
Yeah.

487
00:23:45,884 --> 00:23:46,999
Yeah, let's do it.

488
00:23:51,723 --> 00:23:52,838
What's up, Stu?

489
00:24:06,864 --> 00:24:10,695
You have no idea what I went through
for that two seconds of oral, lady.

490
00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:12,534
- Oh! Ow.
- Sorry.

491
00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:15,157
It's better if it looks like
you took advantage of me.

492
00:24:15,622 --> 00:24:16,867
Asshole!

493
00:24:16,957 --> 00:24:18,535
What the fuck?

494
00:24:21,461 --> 00:24:22,541
Hank!

495
00:24:22,629 --> 00:24:25,120
I say this with the utmost respect
and fondness for you

496
00:24:25,215 --> 00:24:28,002
as both an artist and a human being.
You're fired.

497
00:24:28,093 --> 00:24:29,208
What?

498
00:24:29,469 --> 00:24:32,221
You're gone. We're bringing in
another writer for the on-set work.

499
00:24:32,306 --> 00:24:33,385
Sam know about this?

500
00:24:33,765 --> 00:24:35,675
He knows it's the best thing.

501
00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:37,594
There's always the next one, buddy.
I'll be in touch.

502
00:24:43,442 --> 00:24:45,933
- What the fuck are you doing here?
- Charlie sent me to meet with Stu.

503
00:24:46,361 --> 00:24:48,769
- Charlie did?
- Yeah, I just signed with him.

504
00:24:48,864 --> 00:24:50,773
- You just signed with Charlie?
- Yeah.

505
00:24:50,866 --> 00:24:53,950
Kind of a dream come true, actually.
To be repped by Hank Moody's agent.

506
00:24:54,036 --> 00:24:55,198
Pretty fucking cool.

507
00:24:56,955 --> 00:24:58,070
For me.

508
00:24:58,582 --> 00:25:00,705
Anyway, it looks like
it's already paying off.

509
00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:01,955
This will be my first gig.

510
00:25:03,712 --> 00:25:04,827
Have fun.

511
00:25:05,506 --> 00:25:07,415
This isn't going to be weird for us, is it?

512
00:25:07,716 --> 00:25:08,879
No more than usual.

513
00:25:14,264 --> 00:25:16,553
- Sorry, Hank.
- Fuck you, Charlie.

514
00:25:16,934 --> 00:25:19,507
- You want to go get a drink?
- I have nothing to say to you.

515
00:25:19,603 --> 00:25:21,311
- You can hit me if you want.
- I don't want to hit you.

516
00:25:21,396 --> 00:25:23,472
I don't want to have anything
to do with you, all right?

517
00:25:23,565 --> 00:25:26,021
- Come on, buddy, don't be that way.
- I am not your buddy

518
00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:27,983
and you're fucking fired,

519
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:29,779
as an agent and a friend.

520
00:25:40,791 --> 00:25:43,745
- On the house, Pops.
- Really? Right on.

521
00:25:44,503 --> 00:25:46,542
It helps to have daughters in low places.

522
00:25:47,256 --> 00:25:48,999
That's for changing my boyfriend's life.

523
00:25:50,133 --> 00:25:51,592
I didn't really do anything.

524
00:25:52,135 --> 00:25:54,840
He just texted me and said
you helped him get a job.

525
00:25:54,930 --> 00:25:56,009
Huh.

526
00:25:56,181 --> 00:25:57,260
Well, I guess I did.

527
00:25:58,308 --> 00:26:00,431
Thank you, Dad. I love you.

528
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,643
- Oh, now you love me.
- I always love you.

529
00:26:04,648 --> 00:26:06,605
Even when I'm thoroughly
disgusted with you.

530
00:26:07,818 --> 00:26:09,727
You really like this guy, huh?

531
00:26:09,820 --> 00:26:10,982
I do.

532
00:26:11,530 --> 00:26:13,190
Not to be melodramatic or anything,

533
00:26:13,282 --> 00:26:15,405
but he's the first real love of my life.

534
00:26:16,451 --> 00:26:17,650
It is what it is.

535
00:26:18,495 --> 00:26:19,658
Well, the good news is

536
00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:22,320
I think he feels exactly
the same way about you.

537
00:26:23,208 --> 00:26:25,035
How could he not?
You are pretty stellar.

538
00:26:26,170 --> 00:26:27,284
So what's the bad news?

539
00:26:27,671 --> 00:26:28,750
There is none.

540
00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:30,876
Just be careful.

541
00:26:31,300 --> 00:26:34,217
Young writers on the rise have been
known to make certain mistakes.

542
00:26:35,387 --> 00:26:36,502
Such as?

543
00:26:37,347 --> 00:26:39,055
Such as sticking their dicks

544
00:26:39,141 --> 00:26:41,548
in places where kind words
and flattery come from.

545
00:26:41,643 --> 00:26:43,932
- That's disgusting, Dad.
- It is. I'm sorry. I apologise.

546
00:26:44,021 --> 00:26:45,100
It's just you're getting older,

547
00:26:45,189 --> 00:26:47,893
and the advice-giving gets more
and more confusing for me.

548
00:26:48,775 --> 00:26:49,855
Oh.

549
00:26:49,985 --> 00:26:53,734
If it isn't my favourite friend
of a friend of Bill W.

550
00:26:54,239 --> 00:26:56,446
- That's not funny.
- It's a little funny, Mom.

551
00:26:56,783 --> 00:26:59,274
You see?
The little barista says it's funny,

552
00:26:59,369 --> 00:27:01,492
it must be so.
She's pleased with me today,

553
00:27:01,580 --> 00:27:03,619
seeing as I changed
her boyfriend's life and all.

554
00:27:04,416 --> 00:27:07,203
I know. That was
incredibly sweet of you.

555
00:27:09,087 --> 00:27:10,285
Jeez.

556
00:27:10,547 --> 00:27:13,217
If I'd known it was this easy to
get back in your good graces,

557
00:27:13,342 --> 00:27:15,251
I would have blown Tyler
a long time ago,

558
00:27:15,344 --> 00:27:17,253
and we could have
lived happily ever after.

559
00:27:18,764 --> 00:27:20,009
Should we...

560
00:27:21,391 --> 00:27:22,554
- What...
- Up to you.

561
00:27:22,643 --> 00:27:24,185
Are you two lovelies up to?

562
00:27:24,978 --> 00:27:28,098
I'm off in a few minutes.
We were going to go to the movies.

563
00:27:28,941 --> 00:27:30,020
Do you want to come?

564
00:27:30,275 --> 00:27:31,354
Ah, to tell you the truth,

565
00:27:31,443 --> 00:27:34,479
I'm not really enamoured of the
fucking moving pictures right now.

566
00:27:38,367 --> 00:27:39,481
But of course.

567
00:27:41,370 --> 00:27:43,197
By all means, let's...

568
00:27:43,288 --> 00:27:44,533
Let's go to the movies.