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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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My name is Carl Palmer.
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I've returned home to find the son I abandoned
in Catterick when he was just four years old.
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This is the story of that search.
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D'you know where my son lives?
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He was working down the old what with
the old down the old Riley's Garden Centre.
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- We're going to find Carl's son.
- D'you wanna come?
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- I'm the best cuddler in England.
- (LAUGHS) Prove it.
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Tomorrow, you are leaving my employment.
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- It's still in the car.
- Did you not get Ian's message?
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There was a right nutter in here before,
looking for you and Carl.
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Don't worry. We nicked 'is car.
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- He'll calm down when he gets it back.
- Fetch it tonight!
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Fetch it tonight.
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Hello.
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Wakey-wakey.
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Shit! Jesus.
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Hiya.
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I just thought I'd pop in and say hello.
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Oh, listen, mate, I'm sorry about taking
the car and that. We 'ad to do it.
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Me brother Chris had seen summat
dangerous and important on the horizon.
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We thought it was best if we dealt with it alone.
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Oh, that's fine. I wouldn't want to get involved
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in something dangerous
happening as far away as the horizon.
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I clearly owe YOU an apology.
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- What's more, you say it was important.
- Yeah, it was, yeah.
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- So, what was it?
- A fire up the top of the hill, you know, and...
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It was almost like a bushfire, and it was...
There was children playing nearby. It was bad.
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- Mate, the keys are in me jacket. Just...
- Forget about the car.
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Let's relax, have a nice time.
Let's have a little party.
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- We've gotta be up early...
- I'm gonna stay up.
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I've been looking forward to this. Don't spoil it.
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I've even brought some music.
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First up, though, take this shoe off for me.
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- Sorry?
- Take me shoe off for me.
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Can't believe he's fucking done it. If I asked you
to take the other shoe off, would you?
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No, I wouldn't.
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(SOBS) You're a good friend!
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We're gonna have a good party.
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- (MUSIC: THEME FROM ''EASTENDERS'')
- (GASPING AND MOANING)
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♪ Anyone can fall...
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- There's nothing in there.
- I know.
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- Just saving you...
- Waste of time talking about it.
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What is it you want? I don't need any trouble.
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D'you wanna have a fight, or...
you want money? What?
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I want you to sing along. It's a party.
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- (MAN AND WOMAN MOANING)
- I don't know this song.
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- Didn't you have ''EastEnders'' in the army?
- Course we did.
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Remember it, then.
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(OUT OF TUNE) # Anyone can fall...
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I...I don't know the words, mate.
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You've ruined it now.
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Could've been a good party.
Look what you made me do!
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It's useless now! Eat it, you bastard!
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Come on, eat it! Steal my car, would you?!
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I know!
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(CHOKES)
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Help us! Help us!
Somebody 'elp us! You just 'ave to!
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Go on, get it stuffed down that little...
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- (CHRIS) Come on!
- Come back here!
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- Chris, man, get out of here!
- I know!
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- (SHRIEkING)
- God, Roy, what's that?
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(STRANGLED ROARING)
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Hang on!
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Come on! Get going!
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(ROARS)
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(DARTH VADER BREATHING)
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Ha. Ha ha!
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Oh, thanks, Mark, man.
You came just in time, like.
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Oh, no problem, Carl. Who was that feller?
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- The bloke you brained with a vacuum cleaner?
- Well, yeah, I think so, Chris.
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- I know!
- Why did you ask?
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- I never. I never said a single word.
- Yes, you did. You said vacuum cleaner.
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- Jesus was a carpenter.
- Thank you, Chris.
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- We borrowed his car without permission.
- This one?
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- Yeah.
- This one?
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- Er...the one we're sat in?
- Yes, Mark.
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It's a Range Rover.
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What on earth is Elephant Man doing in my lobby?
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What is your name? What is your name?!
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What is your name?
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It's you! It's Carl's mate. What IS your name?
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Tony.
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Tony, er...Curtis.
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(AMERICAN ACCENT)
The slaying of Neil Wheel of Neil's Wheels
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appears to be a singularly motiveless crime.
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His family and friends have all been excluded.
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He was a private man.
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A small businessman, God bless him.
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So what next, boss? It...it seems hopeless.
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It's not hopeless, Webster.
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Sever that thought from your mind
and replace it with one of guile and stealth.
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I will bag this rat before sundown.
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The wrong will be avenged.
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I wanna pay a visit to the Mermade Hotel.
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I smell a rat around that manager
who lied to me about having a wife.
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Come, Webster, time is not our worst enemy.
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They've taken everything.
Even the credit card records.
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(WHEEzES)
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Fat boy and his mates have shafted me!
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God, man, they've stolen my car.
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- My beautiful car.
- Who the hell are you?
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Hey, cool it. I'd just arrived to check in
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when I was attacked from above
by what I can only call the top third of a Dalek.
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It was a vacuum cleaner.
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Course! It was a vacuum cleaner, wasn't it?
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They have slipped us a length,
but they cannot be far.
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Phone the police. We'll get changed.
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I vill soon catch them in my supercar.
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(MOBILE RINGS)
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- I'm not answering.
- Just answer it!
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- No, you do it. I'm not doing it.
- Bloody 'ell, Mark.
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- Hello?
- Hello, I hope you're still enjoying the car.
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I'm just phoning to say I'm coming after you.
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Here, pull in 'ere, that pick-your-own place.
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I'll see you soon.
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Oh, and by the way,
if you've touched my money, you're dead.
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Actually, you're dead anyway. Ciao.
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Hello, mate?
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Hello?
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Ah, he's gone.
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It was that nutter from the hotel.
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He says we've got his money
and he's gonna kill us if he catches us.
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He can't kill me.
I'm indestructible. Everybody knows that.
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I don't mind dying if I die rich.
Where's this money?
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- In the car, I presume.
- 'Ey. It might even be this car.
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(BOTH TALK EXCITEDLY)
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(SHRIEKS) Oh! Oh!
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- Oh! Oh!
- Hey, Chris, get it over 'ere, man!
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- Oh!
- Open the handles.
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- Oh! That's money!
- Look at that!
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- Can you not handle it, Chris?
- I'm handling it already.
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Right, Tess, let's go.
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You never want to come! Not with me, anyway.
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- Right, let's go.
- Jesus, Roy, what you wearing that for?
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It is my specialist pursuit outfit. Let's go.
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No. No, I'm not coming with you, Roy.
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I'm sick of the way you treat me.
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Just listen to yourself,
ordering me around like I'm your slave.
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Sort yourself out, Roy!
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And stop staring at that thing in the safe!
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That ''thing'', as you call it, is our future!
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It is also a private matter,
and you're coming with me to reclaim it!
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- No.
- Do as you're told, woman!
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- No! Get off me, Roy! We're finished!
- I am not finished with you!
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Oh, shit, man, look. They've done your safe, too.
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God. Oh, my God, no!
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They've taken everything!
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- What, even the...?
- Yes, everything!
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- Have you called the police?
- Yeah, they're on their way.
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This is now a private matter.
Ve must catch them before the police do.
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Yes, that's it. In the supercar. Come on.
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Come on!
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?50,000, lads. It's gotta be stolen, you know.
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Otherwise it would be the police after us,
not that nutter.
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- What do you wanna do, Chris?
- Well, I'd very much like to keep it.
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PS. And spend it.
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- Mark?
- Well, firstly, I'd like to say I'm very excited.
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Er...and I too would like to keep it.
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That is assuming, of course,
you feel I'm entitled to a share.
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What would you spend it on, Chris?
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- I dunno.
- What things are you interested in buying?
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Well, luxury items, Mark.
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What, such as a home cinema unit?
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- A Ferrari?
- Oh, aye, Ferrari! Fastest car in Britain.
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Thanks, but no thanks. Luxury pets is what I want.
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Chris, what exactly constitutes a luxury pet?
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A soft white poodle,
a lobster, a venison and a silkworm.
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No, two silkworms.
I intend to wear a lot of luxury gowns.
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(SHRIEKS) Aaaaaah!
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The manager, his girlfriend
and a guest left ten minutes ago, sir.
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Someone stole the guest's
green Range Rover and they're chasing it.
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Matches our Range Rover, sir.
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Get in, Webster.
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I smell blood.
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And my God, does it smell good!
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Mark, what are you gonna spend yours on?
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Prostitutes, mainly.
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If I've got owt left, repair me mam's banister.
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Oh, excuse me, Carl.
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If I've got any money left over, I'd like to
contribute to the repair of Mark's mam's banister.
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- Thank you, Chris, that's very kind.
- I know!
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They have stolen my most precious possession!
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They can't have gotten far.
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They better hope the police get there first.
Yes, they have picked the wrong man to cross!
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Oh, yes, I will take them one by one,
from behind if necessary!
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- Stop! I wanna get out!
- Shut up! You're going nowhere!
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You will remain here under my command
at this time of crisis.
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Mark, you don't wanna
spend all your money on prossies.
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Get a real wife
and 'ave a luxury honeymoon, e.g. by a river.
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That's a terrible idea. Isn't it, Carl?
191
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- It is, Mark, yeah.
- What about you, Carl?
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Well, when I find me son, I'll give 'im 'alf.
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There might be bits and pieces he needs.
A mountain bike,
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or a stereo for his bedroom, sports jerkin.
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Maybe we'll go on 'oliday, just me and 'im.
That'd be nice.
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- What if you don't find 'im?
- Well, I will find 'im, Chris.
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- Calm down, man. You're driving like a dickhead!
- Well, it takes one to know one.
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How do you feel now, having what you said
reversed upon you so cruelly?
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Stop the fucking car!
200
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- (BUzzING)
- Vot are you brandishing? I need an answer!
201
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You two, stop itching your arses!
202
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Stop the car, Roy! You're gonna kill us all.
203
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(BUMP)
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(FARTING SOUND )
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(ROY) Doughnut.
206
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They've still not caught the bloke
who did that shooting. Terrible business.
207
00:13:25,967 --> 00:13:28,322
Pat, there's something I gotta tell you.
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I was up early trying to get the house
warmed up for the wife, you know.
209
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I looks out the window and sees the postman
crouching on the driveway.
210
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I thought, ''He's dropped an earring.''
211
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Anyway, I look at his anus,
and this great big shit was coming out of it.
212
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It dropped on the shingle that abuts the lawn,
213
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so I knocks on the window.
I went, '''Ey, not there, man, round the back!''
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But it was too late.
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He made this half-cocked attempt to cover
the brute with the gravel, then he ran off.
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Thing is, though...why my property?
217
00:14:01,927 --> 00:14:05,442
Why my driveway? Eh?
Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
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He's a government employee, isn't he?
219
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Could have been housing a transmitter.
You doing a ploughman's today, Pat?
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- Spatchcock.
- Oh, bollocks. Not spatchcock again, man.
221
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Well, it's not my bloody fault!
What an irresponsible place to put a gate!
222
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- Let me out!
- Both of you, shut it!
223
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Get a move on, man, or we'll be miles away!
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- (HORN HONKS)
- (TYRES SQUEAL)
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My God!
226
00:14:39,367 --> 00:14:43,440
(CARL) Now, subject to yous two's approval,
this is how we should proceed.
227
00:14:43,607 --> 00:14:48,397
We're gonna dump that car there
because it's become what I believe is called ''hot''.
228
00:14:48,567 --> 00:14:53,516
Now, Mark, 'ow far's that garden centre that
Dan the Shellfish Man said me son worked at?
229
00:14:53,687 --> 00:14:57,646
What, Riley's?
Oh, it's a few mile up the road towards Catterick.
230
00:14:57,807 --> 00:15:00,605
You say ''garden centre''
but it's much more than that.
231
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:04,601
You get pets, wicker shit, fragrant candles,
232
00:15:04,767 --> 00:15:08,396
and some very cheap hardback books,
mostly about military history.
233
00:15:08,567 --> 00:15:12,037
Thanks for the information, Mark.
Right, so we walk to Riley's,
234
00:15:12,207 --> 00:15:16,564
I'll ask about me son, then we'll
telephone a taxi from there. All right?
235
00:15:19,007 --> 00:15:21,396
You're quiet, Chris. What you thinking about?
236
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:23,046
Mandarins.
237
00:15:24,047 --> 00:15:26,925
Not the oranges. The actual people.
238
00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:31,923
- You OK?
- (SNAPS) Yes.
239
00:15:32,087 --> 00:15:34,681
(LIGHTLY) Think so.
240
00:15:34,847 --> 00:15:36,803
Is this your vehicle, sir?
241
00:15:36,967 --> 00:15:40,721
- No, it's mine, officer.
- I'm Roy Oates, manager of the Mermade Hotel.
242
00:15:41,847 --> 00:15:46,967
Webster, this is not the same guy who claimed
he was the hotel manager yesterday, is it?
243
00:15:47,127 --> 00:15:49,118
No, sir, it's the other one.
244
00:15:54,607 --> 00:15:57,075
I thought so.
245
00:15:57,247 --> 00:16:01,286
OK, get the driver's details
and run a vehicle check.
246
00:16:01,447 --> 00:16:05,838
- Sir.
- Sir, could I take a word with you over here?
247
00:16:11,007 --> 00:16:15,205
We met yesterday and you said
you were the manager of the Mermade Hotel.
248
00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:17,801
No way, man, you're mistaken.
249
00:16:17,967 --> 00:16:21,243
Who are you, my friend?
What have you got to hide?
250
00:16:21,407 --> 00:16:26,481
I am the American Eagle.
There is no nook nor cranny I cannot penetrate.
251
00:16:26,647 --> 00:16:30,117
This gentleman is Roy Oates.
He manages the Mermade Hotel.
252
00:16:30,287 --> 00:16:35,600
- The car's in his name, registered at the hotel.
- How interesting.
253
00:16:37,447 --> 00:16:39,517
We should get a little ID here,
254
00:16:39,687 --> 00:16:41,757
don't you think?
255
00:16:45,207 --> 00:16:46,925
Come on, we'd better get going.
256
00:16:47,087 --> 00:16:49,078
Come on, Chris.
257
00:16:50,167 --> 00:16:51,759
(SHOUTS)
258
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:53,679
Tess, what are you doing 'ere?
259
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,758
I've left Roy.
260
00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:59,806
He's just down the road
with some coppers and some nutter.
261
00:16:59,967 --> 00:17:03,801
They're looking for you lot.
We've gotta get away from here.
262
00:17:03,967 --> 00:17:07,277
Calm down, Tess! Just calm down!
263
00:17:12,327 --> 00:17:14,079
No.
264
00:17:14,247 --> 00:17:16,761
- (GUNSHOT)
- (BIRDS FLUTTER)
265
00:17:19,927 --> 00:17:23,317
- Get out, please.
- No, thanks, I've got a headache in my leg.
266
00:17:23,487 --> 00:17:25,921
Get out!
267
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:28,157
Fuckers! I'll take the car now, thanks.
268
00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:31,798
By the way, you did that.
269
00:17:34,407 --> 00:17:36,557
Oh, bloody 'ell!
270
00:17:36,727 --> 00:17:39,764
Tess! Tess?
271
00:17:39,927 --> 00:17:41,804
Where could she be?
272
00:17:41,967 --> 00:17:43,719
Tess! Where are you?!
273
00:17:46,007 --> 00:17:47,918
- Put your foot down!
- I am, Chris.
274
00:17:48,087 --> 00:17:52,524
- Put your foot down!
- Chris, calm down. It's not helping, you know!
275
00:17:52,687 --> 00:17:55,155
(SHRIEKS) Oh! Oh!
276
00:18:00,927 --> 00:18:04,078
Pack it in! You're just like me mam and dad!
277
00:18:12,287 --> 00:18:14,926
Right, you lot, stop it now! Behave yourselves!
278
00:18:18,887 --> 00:18:23,039
If you can't behave yourselves,
you can all get out the car, all right?
279
00:18:23,207 --> 00:18:25,004
Just stop it!
280
00:18:26,847 --> 00:18:29,680
- That's better. I'm surprised at you, Mark.
- Sorry, Carl.
281
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:32,202
(CARL) Come on, let's go.
282
00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:35,486
(GROANS)
283
00:18:39,567 --> 00:18:41,046
Shit.
284
00:18:48,847 --> 00:18:51,042
Webster.
285
00:18:51,207 --> 00:18:53,767
Oh, bloody 'ell.
286
00:18:53,927 --> 00:18:58,079
It was not me. I did not shoot him.
It was that crazy shit!
287
00:18:58,247 --> 00:19:01,956
- I deplore you, believe me!
- OK, calm down.
288
00:19:02,127 --> 00:19:05,324
Lay the piece on the ground.
289
00:19:05,487 --> 00:19:08,763
Piss on the ground!
Piss on the ground! Piss on the ground!
290
00:19:08,927 --> 00:19:10,246
What you doing?
291
00:19:10,727 --> 00:19:13,241
(ENGINE GRINDS AND SPUTTERS)
292
00:19:15,127 --> 00:19:17,038
(GROANS) Oh, excuse me, sir.
293
00:19:17,207 --> 00:19:18,686
Webster.
294
00:19:18,847 --> 00:19:21,281
Webster, is that really you?
295
00:19:21,447 --> 00:19:24,803
- Yes, it is, sir.
- Is this the creep who shot you?
296
00:19:27,287 --> 00:19:29,357
No, it isn't, sir. I'm...
297
00:19:29,527 --> 00:19:33,805
- I'm sorry, sir.
- No need to apologise, Webster.
298
00:19:33,967 --> 00:19:36,276
Who was it?
299
00:19:43,847 --> 00:19:45,280
Ah, the other guy.
300
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:50,760
Goodbye, sir. I hope the note is of use to the...
301
00:19:50,927 --> 00:19:53,043
Er...
302
00:19:53,207 --> 00:19:55,402
- Oh, what's the word?
- The search?
303
00:19:55,567 --> 00:20:00,561
- No, it's... Well, it's like a search, but it's...
- A quest?
304
00:20:00,727 --> 00:20:05,482
Well, it is like a quest,
but it's not as fantastical. It's...more forensic.
305
00:20:05,647 --> 00:20:08,207
- The investigation.
- Investigation, that's it.
306
00:20:08,367 --> 00:20:11,996
- (GROANS AND EXHALES)
- Webster.
307
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:14,123
No!
308
00:20:14,287 --> 00:20:15,959
No!
309
00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:20,080
(Webster.)
310
00:20:20,247 --> 00:20:22,317
My dear Webster.
311
00:20:23,207 --> 00:20:28,440
In the two... or is it three...
days that we worked together,
312
00:20:28,607 --> 00:20:31,360
you've become more than a friend to me.
313
00:20:31,527 --> 00:20:33,597
You're like family.
314
00:20:35,407 --> 00:20:37,875
Jeez, we had some good times together.
315
00:20:38,247 --> 00:20:40,283
Remember the time you tried to explain
316
00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:44,963
the difference between an Isuzu Trooper
and a Range Rover?
317
00:20:45,127 --> 00:20:47,197
Boy, that was somethin'.
318
00:20:49,127 --> 00:20:51,197
May God rest upon your soul.
319
00:20:54,927 --> 00:20:56,963
Miss you.
320
00:20:58,087 --> 00:21:00,681
# I'll be dreaming of you
321
00:21:00,847 --> 00:21:04,920
# Dreaming that I kiss you
when nights are long... #
322
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:09,319
Goodbye, my love.
323
00:21:10,327 --> 00:21:12,761
♪ Miss you
324
00:21:12,927 --> 00:21:16,715
♪ Since you went away, dear
325
00:21:17,647 --> 00:21:20,241
♪ Miss you
326
00:21:20,407 --> 00:21:23,399
♪ More than I can say, dear
327
00:21:25,047 --> 00:21:31,998
♪ In daytime, night time, nothing I do
328
00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:35,682
♪ Can make me forget
329
00:21:35,847 --> 00:21:40,125
♪ That I still love you
330
00:21:40,287 --> 00:21:42,801
♪ kiss you
331
00:21:42,967 --> 00:21:46,721
♪ In my dreams, I kiss you
332
00:21:47,887 --> 00:21:50,526
♪ Whisperin '
333
00:21:50,687 --> 00:21:54,362
♪ ''Darling, how I miss you''
334
00:21:55,407 --> 00:21:58,080
♪ Tell me
335
00:21:58,247 --> 00:22:01,956
♪ Do you ever miss me
336
00:22:02,167 --> 00:22:05,876
♪ As I miss you? ♪
337
00:22:10,247 --> 00:22:13,762
What did I tell you? Bargain books! Yes!
Meet you in the cafe.
338
00:22:13,927 --> 00:22:16,282
Yeah, Catterick Garrison.
339
00:22:16,447 --> 00:22:19,325
40 minutes is fine, yeah, thank you. Cheers.
340
00:22:19,487 --> 00:22:21,603
You left your bag, so here it is.
341
00:22:21,767 --> 00:22:23,485
I'm not bothered, like.
342
00:22:23,647 --> 00:22:27,356
Thanks, Chris. You didn't look inside
a lady's bag now, did you?
343
00:22:27,527 --> 00:22:31,236
No. My life's complicated enough as it is.
344
00:22:31,407 --> 00:22:35,480
I'll go and get a cup of tea.
(WHEEzES AND GIGGLES)
345
00:22:36,687 --> 00:22:38,006
Carl!
346
00:22:39,447 --> 00:22:44,680
- Now I've got money, can I look at marginals?
- Do what you want. What are marginals?
347
00:22:44,847 --> 00:22:47,566
Plants that grow around
the boggy fringes of ponds.
348
00:22:47,727 --> 00:22:51,163
- Right. You 'aven't got a pond, though, Chris.
- I know!
349
00:22:51,327 --> 00:22:55,878
I always said if I win ''Who Wants
To Be A Millionaire?'' I'd get a pond.
350
00:22:56,847 --> 00:23:00,840
- What kind of pond are you gonna get?
- I dunno. I'll get a big 'un.
351
00:23:01,007 --> 00:23:03,043
I'll get a lake.
352
00:23:03,207 --> 00:23:04,526
An oxbow lake.
353
00:23:04,687 --> 00:23:08,282
You can't buy one of them
in a garden centre, though.
354
00:23:08,447 --> 00:23:10,915
Well, what's that over there, then?
355
00:23:18,207 --> 00:23:21,802
I'll meet you in the caff, Chris.
Cab'll be about 40 minutes.
356
00:23:28,687 --> 00:23:32,726
- You got a cellphone?
- I have, but it's in me Rolls-Royce.
357
00:23:32,887 --> 00:23:35,276
In the glove department next to the herrings.
358
00:23:35,447 --> 00:23:38,484
Shit! Shit! Shitty shitty bang bang!
359
00:23:39,487 --> 00:23:41,842
Hmmm.
360
00:23:42,007 --> 00:23:45,841
Next to the herrings, you say.
A tasty and much-neglected fish.
361
00:23:46,007 --> 00:23:49,556
Yeah. They are quite tricky to fillet,
but it's never put me off.
362
00:23:49,727 --> 00:23:54,403
- What do you do? Pop 'em under the grill?
- Yeah, for about three minutes. Turning once.
363
00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:57,479
- Turning once, you say?
- Hm.
364
00:24:03,287 --> 00:24:06,757
- So you've left him for good this time?
- Yeah. Yeah, I reckon.
365
00:24:06,927 --> 00:24:12,206
You know, I don't know what a beautiful woman
like you was doing with a fella like him.
366
00:24:12,367 --> 00:24:15,325
When I first met him, you know, he was lovely.
367
00:24:15,487 --> 00:24:17,443
We had some good times.
368
00:24:18,407 --> 00:24:21,922
- He took me shopping...
- (TINKLY MUSIC)
369
00:24:22,087 --> 00:24:24,647
..taught me how to play the trumpet.
370
00:24:25,767 --> 00:24:28,440
He showed me how to climb trees.
371
00:24:29,287 --> 00:24:32,484
He even introduced me to a barrister.
372
00:24:35,167 --> 00:24:39,160
- Wow.
- You know, they were really, really good times.
373
00:24:39,327 --> 00:24:42,876
- Have a little bit of your gas if it helps, Tess.
- Thanks, yeah.
374
00:24:43,047 --> 00:24:45,038
(GASPS)
375
00:24:57,527 --> 00:25:00,325
So what went wrong, then?
376
00:25:00,487 --> 00:25:04,560
Well, he had this terrible accident,
and it changed him.
377
00:25:04,727 --> 00:25:06,206
He became a bully.
378
00:25:06,367 --> 00:25:10,485
We... I mean, we stopped having sex
and he got possessive.
379
00:25:10,647 --> 00:25:13,525
I couldn't even leave the hotel
without his permission.
380
00:25:13,687 --> 00:25:17,396
- You know what he was like, Mark.
- Oh, yeah, all of them things.
381
00:25:17,567 --> 00:25:20,161
Except he never stopped having sex with me.
382
00:25:20,327 --> 00:25:22,363
- Just joking.
- Oh, right.
383
00:25:25,967 --> 00:25:29,642
Tess means everything to me.
I could not live without her.
384
00:25:29,807 --> 00:25:32,605
If he has hurt her... (GROWLS)
385
00:25:33,847 --> 00:25:35,917
What are you gonna do, Tess?
386
00:25:36,087 --> 00:25:39,557
I've got a little place of my own nearby.
I'll lie low there.
387
00:25:39,727 --> 00:25:42,036
Oh, right. Well, that's nice, then. Yeah.
388
00:25:47,047 --> 00:25:49,038
Oh, er...yeah, I just...
389
00:25:49,207 --> 00:25:53,041
I think I'll, erm...go and have
another look at those bargain books.
390
00:25:53,927 --> 00:25:55,804
Yeah.
391
00:25:58,127 --> 00:26:02,678
There's something I wanted to say to you.
The thing is, I really like you,
392
00:26:02,847 --> 00:26:06,317
and I was wondering
if you would like to come with me
393
00:26:06,487 --> 00:26:09,877
to maybe to a village, or perhaps to a town, even.
394
00:26:10,047 --> 00:26:12,083
You know, the two of us together.
395
00:26:13,647 --> 00:26:15,763
It's tough, I know.
396
00:26:15,927 --> 00:26:20,159
I remember once I had profound feelings
for a beautiful black lady.
397
00:26:20,327 --> 00:26:22,045
An Australian.
398
00:26:22,207 --> 00:26:24,198
An Abo...
399
00:26:24,367 --> 00:26:27,086
..rigine. And boy, was she hot!
400
00:26:27,247 --> 00:26:28,885
Cecilia was her name.
401
00:26:31,127 --> 00:26:32,958
Well, I like you too.
402
00:26:33,127 --> 00:26:36,085
Some of the things you say are quite good.
403
00:26:36,247 --> 00:26:41,799
Your suggestion of going to a town
or a village is a particularly good one.
404
00:26:41,967 --> 00:26:47,758
But it's a bad time for me. I mean,
you know I've...I've just packed one bloke in.
405
00:26:47,927 --> 00:26:51,556
I think I just need some time
to get my head straight.
406
00:26:52,447 --> 00:26:55,837
- Of course, no worries. I understand, yeah.
- Yeah.
407
00:26:58,167 --> 00:27:02,206
We made love in a number of locations
I had personally cordoned off.
408
00:27:02,367 --> 00:27:06,997
I screwed her a lot and with great vigour.
Boy, I sure miss her.
409
00:27:08,647 --> 00:27:11,115
Well...you know, I should probably get going.
410
00:27:11,287 --> 00:27:12,606
Right.
411
00:27:12,767 --> 00:27:15,235
Erm...it's been a real pleasure meeting you.
412
00:27:15,407 --> 00:27:18,160
It was a pleasure meeting you, Tess, it really was.
413
00:27:20,047 --> 00:27:22,242
- Er...hope you find your son.
- Thank you.
414
00:27:22,407 --> 00:27:25,126
- Bye-bye.
- Yeah, bye.
415
00:27:26,727 --> 00:27:31,482
I will have your lady returned to your loving arms
before any harm can come to her.
416
00:27:31,647 --> 00:27:34,036
You have my sweet guarantee, my friend.
417
00:27:34,207 --> 00:27:39,042
Thank you. I hope your word is good
and she is soon returned to my hungry arms.
418
00:27:39,207 --> 00:27:42,756
But, friend, there is something else
of equal importance
419
00:27:42,927 --> 00:27:46,920
that has also been taken from me
by those criminals!
420
00:27:47,087 --> 00:27:49,442
If I do not retrieve this precious item,
421
00:27:49,607 --> 00:27:52,326
I fear there is no future for me and Tess.
422
00:27:52,487 --> 00:27:54,682
What is this precious item?
423
00:27:55,727 --> 00:27:57,843
My penis. In a jar.
424
00:27:58,007 --> 00:27:59,440
My God!
425
00:28:01,047 --> 00:28:02,446
♪ Miss you
426
00:28:02,607 --> 00:28:06,316
♪ Darling, how I miss you
427
00:28:07,367 --> 00:28:10,006
♪ Tell me
428
00:28:10,167 --> 00:28:13,921
♪ Do you ever miss me
429
00:28:14,087 --> 00:28:19,207
♪ As I miss you? ♪