1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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<i>My name is Carl Palmer.</i>

2
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<i>I've returned home to find the son I abandoned</i>
<i>in Catterick when he was just four years old.</i>

3
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<i>This is the story of that search.</i>

4
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Where is my money?!

5
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I'm gonna find somewhere safe
to hide this money.

6
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- (SCREAMS)
- There's a caravan. Meet you there in an hour.

7
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- (GUNSHOT)
- <i>Look after that briefcase for me, will you?</i>

8
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- God!
- I just wanted to go ten miles up the road

9
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to find my son after 20 years. This is ridiculous.

10
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Star dive!

11
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(SIzzLING)

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What was that?

13
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- D...did you hear something?
- Yeah.

14
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- What was it, then?
- I dunno. I never 'eard anything.

15
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That's not on fire, is it?

16
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(SNARLS)

17
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Hush, whisht, washt, whisht! Sounds like a dog.

18
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- (CLATTERING)
- (FOOTSTEPS ON ROOF)

19
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The dog's climbing on the roof!

20
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Clever dog. Good dog!

21
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- Piss cans.
- (THUD )

22
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Dog's had a dump on the roof. Dirty dog!

23
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What if it's the owner of the caravan?

24
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No way, man, the owner'd never
have a dump on his own caravan.

25
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Unless the owner of the caravan...was a dog.

26
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(CACKLES)

27
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(HOWLS)

28
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You're right, Chris. That's a dog, all right.

29
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I know. I know! And what's more,
you've eaten all his Swiss rolls.

30
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I did, didn't I?

31
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- (LIQUID SPLASHES)
- It's 'aving a slash on the roof.

32
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- Nasty dog. Naughty dog!
- (SPLASHING CONTINUES)

33
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Thirsty dog.

34
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That smells like brandy.

35
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It is brandy.

36
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A dog that piddles brandy.
We are rich beyond our wildest dreams!

37
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Hush and wish and stop listening to that.

38
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If it piddles brandy,
maybe those two dumps it laid on the roof,

39
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they might be, erm...

40
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- Cigars.
- Cigars.

41
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Big, big, Havana cigars.
Go and have a look, Chris.

42
00:02:36,927 --> 00:02:38,485
Shit, it's fruit cake!

43
00:02:38,647 --> 00:02:41,480
It shits fruit cake? Bingo!

44
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No, it's that nutcase who wants his money
and wants to kill us.

45
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- Oh, no!
- Bolt the door!

46
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OK, thanks very much.

47
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Got all that, thanks. Bye.

48
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(AEROPLANE)

49
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Why's he spreading brandy on the roof?

50
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'Old on a minute, Chris.

51
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Brandy is a highly flammable liqueur.

52
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(He's gonna burn the caravan down.)
End of life story.

53
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Shit, man, my lighter's not working.

54
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<i>(HEAVYMETAL GUITAR)</i>

55
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(WHIMPERS THEN SCREAMS)

56
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- <i>(SCREAM ECHOES)</i>
- Shit. Tess.

57
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(GASPS) I-it's a trout.

58
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No. Shit. It's a perch.

59
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And it's bloated.

60
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The clever bastard.

61
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Stand back.

62
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(EXPLOSION)

63
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(EXPLOSION)

64
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(GASPS AND SCREAMS)

65
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<i>(SCREAM ECHOES)</i>

66
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(BOTH SHOUT)

67
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What is it? I wanna kill it!

68
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- No!
- Wanna kill it!

69
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,965
- It's not worth it, Chris.
- Hold me back!

70
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-(FARTY BUzzING)
- (BOTH YELL)

71
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(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

72
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Right, hold that.

73
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(FARTY BUzzING)

74
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There goes the balloon
I sent in to discourage 'em.

75
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- (BALLOON BUzzING)
- (PANTING)

76
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(SCREAMS)

77
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All right, this is it, you pigs!

78
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I'm sick and I'm listening to you

79
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:04,040
because I am dirty! And I'm telling you
there's real dirt outside!

80
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And it's all my fault. House-proud, I am!

81
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And this is Howard Peel! He's on the show.

82
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This is all my fault!
I'm talking to you about rapper!

83
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There's only people here that know the creature!
And it's my fault because I've got an empty car!

84
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YOU FUCKERS!

85
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Tess? Are you OK, Tess?

86
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Florida. Oh, Tess, you cow!

87
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The money. The money!

88
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Looking for your briefcase?
Don't bother. She took it.

89
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My Tess took it.

90
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Full of money, was it? She left my money.

91
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Good girl, Tess.

92
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This money is to pay for me
to have personal operation

93
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to restore for me my missing parts.

94
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Jesus, he chopped you up bad, didn't he?
Have you got the missing part?

95
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Yes, it is preserved in Tess's icy box.

96
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- If it was frozen quickly, it should be OK.
- Yes, I know all that!

97
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I've seen ''Holby City'',
I listen to Jimmy Young, all that shit.

98
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But if the tide is against me,

99
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I fear I will be just one-arm bandit.

100
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I'll phone an ambulance for you, mate.
Think yourself lucky. The copper was shot.

101
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It all started the other day at Neil's Wheels.

102
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That poor guy's the proprietor, Neil.

103
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Shot in the head by a scumball with a Beretta
and relieved of 50,000 bucks.

104
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Look at him now. Got the mind of a six-year-old,

105
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but the sexual appetite of a 17-year-old.

106
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Spends all day jerking off
watching ''The Powerpuff Girls''.

107
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Guy who shot him is the same guy who shot me.

108
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Monstrous-looking guy
with black teeth and black eyes.

109
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And a black heart beating inside his chest.

110
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My God!

111
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Come on, mate, it'll be all right.

112
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- You heard of Mickey Bell?
- No, I haven't heard of Mickey Bell!

113
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He's a bit of a legend. He's only got one arm.
He's got loads of mates and he works.

114
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Works for an estate agent's,
puts up their ''for sale'' signs, you know?

115
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He just runs up the pathway
with the post in his good arm,

116
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and then just rams it straight into the ground.

117
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It's always straight and...
It's a beautiful job, he does.

118
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His good arm, it's strong as an ape's.

119
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He can lift three or four kids
and hold them there for ages and whistle for 'em.

120
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Yeah, but I don't vant to lift up
other people's children. I vant two arms.

121
00:08:41,847 --> 00:08:45,635
Hey, mate, imagine if you had two arms,
but on the same side.

122
00:08:45,807 --> 00:08:47,957
No, I'm not going to imagine that!

123
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I vant one arm on either side, like an aeroplane.

124
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With one hand I can caress, and with the other
I can point to things that need fetching.

125
00:08:56,007 --> 00:08:58,726
Tess won't vant
the attentions of a one-armed man.

126
00:08:58,887 --> 00:09:01,321
Don't be too sure. Heard of Dave Lee?

127
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No, I haven't! I suppose he's a legend, is he?

128
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Yeah, he is, actually, especially with the women.

129
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He gets loads of sex and he hasn't got any arms.
He works at the model village.

130
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They finished off his stumps with leather.
There's little pouches in one side.

131
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He puts little tools in.
On the other side, there's a larger pouch

132
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which they put the leaflets in
for him to hand out to the visitors.

133
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He got caught having sex behind the town hall.

134
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But it's only 18 inches high
so everybody saw him.

135
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Yes, but I don't want to have sex
behind miniature buildings!

136
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Look, I am telling you,
I want two arms so I can...have the clap,

137
00:09:38,047 --> 00:09:40,356
two arms like Val Kilmer,

138
00:09:40,527 --> 00:09:45,760
two hands so I can indicate to Tess
that she is ten out of ten, not five.

139
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Maybe I will never love again.

140
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Course you will, mate.
Have you heard of Foxy? Eric Fox?

141
00:09:51,127 --> 00:09:53,641
No, I haven't heard of Eric fucking Fox!

142
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- I suppose he's a fucking legend, too, is he?
- He is.

143
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He's only got one hand, right,

144
00:09:58,927 --> 00:10:01,885
but he's just married
the most beautiful girl in Hartlepool

145
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and she won ?10,000 on the lottery.

146
00:10:04,487 --> 00:10:07,081
Really? What, Vednesday or Saturday?

147
00:10:07,247 --> 00:10:09,841
- Well, it was a Thunderball.
- So, Saturday.

148
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Saturday, yeah.

149
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Anyway, she loves him despite the hand,

150
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despite the fact he's HIV-positive, and
doesn't mind that he's only got five fingers to...

151
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:20,246
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

152
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You don't understand!
It is not just my arm. I have also lost my penis.

153
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I had it preserved in a jar.

154
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The money was supposed
to pay for its reinstatement.

155
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- Now it is lost.
- Hold on. A cock in a jar.

156
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:36,281
I saw one earlier. It might be yours.

157
00:10:36,447 --> 00:10:38,756
Where? Where? Tell me, where is it?

158
00:10:38,927 --> 00:10:42,044
It was nearby.
It was only about 20, 25 minutes ago.

159
00:10:42,207 --> 00:10:46,962
- Come on, man, think! Come on, please!
- The river just behind the woods.

160
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(GLASS SMASHES)

161
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<i>That's i', yeah,</i>
<i>I remember saying ''Oh, look, a cock in a jar. ''</i>

162
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:57,197
Oh, joy. Now I will be complete.

163
00:11:01,847 --> 00:11:04,407
You must take me to it now.

164
00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:09,595
I'm sorry, mate, there's no point.
Somebody stood on it and crushed it.

165
00:11:09,767 --> 00:11:13,043
- Sorry.
- (No.)

166
00:11:13,207 --> 00:11:15,163
No. No!

167
00:11:15,327 --> 00:11:17,477
No! It can't be true!

168
00:11:17,647 --> 00:11:20,878
Wait! Maybe it was
somebody else's missing cock in a jar.

169
00:11:25,087 --> 00:11:26,918
Oh, no!

170
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I am doomed!

171
00:11:29,127 --> 00:11:31,357
No! No!

172
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No penis.

173
00:11:41,087 --> 00:11:44,443
There, I've given you a make-over.
You look lovely.

174
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,876
- (GROWLS)
- Go on, get 'im, Chris.

175
00:11:48,047 --> 00:11:49,799
(LAUGHS)

176
00:11:53,527 --> 00:11:55,995
I'm not a mistake to be Tipp-Exed out.

177
00:11:56,167 --> 00:12:00,319
I'm a real human being with real thoughts,
things I wanna do and say.

178
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:04,036
Y...you are a...a real human being, Chris.

179
00:12:04,207 --> 00:12:07,483
A very...special human being.

180
00:12:08,487 --> 00:12:11,240
At last I've found a true friend.

181
00:12:13,047 --> 00:12:15,277
I like you as well, Mark.

182
00:12:15,447 --> 00:12:19,042
You're the first friend I've 'ad for a long time.

183
00:12:19,207 --> 00:12:22,085
Still, it's not over till the fat lady sings.

184
00:12:22,247 --> 00:12:24,397
- No offence intended.
- Oh, none taken.

185
00:12:24,567 --> 00:12:28,321
- I know.
- Ahh, isn't that lovely?

186
00:12:29,647 --> 00:12:33,196
Now stand up and get on your boxes,
you couple of fairies!

187
00:12:34,247 --> 00:12:35,726
GET ON YOUR BOXES!

188
00:12:35,887 --> 00:12:38,162
(MOBILE RINGS)

189
00:12:38,327 --> 00:12:43,082
- Hello, Mum.
- Hello, love, what you doing? What's that noise?

190
00:12:43,247 --> 00:12:48,799
Oh, that's a...hedge trimmer.
I'm helping a couple of old ladies at the centre.

191
00:12:48,967 --> 00:12:50,958
Oh, you're such a good lad, Tony.

192
00:12:51,127 --> 00:12:56,485
- I'd better get on. I've got dead-heading to do.
- OK, love, I'll see you at teatime.

193
00:12:56,647 --> 00:12:58,046
Now get on your boxes!

194
00:12:58,207 --> 00:13:01,324
Not so fast, you...daft bastard.

195
00:13:01,487 --> 00:13:03,717
Oh, look who it is! It's Don Johnson!

196
00:13:03,887 --> 00:13:06,481
Oh, yeah, watch this then, you dickhead.

197
00:13:06,647 --> 00:13:08,558
- Huh?
- Wow!

198
00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:15,242
(FAST CELTIC DANCE MUSIC)

199
00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:26,362
Oh, here's daddy come to save his two little boys!

200
00:13:26,527 --> 00:13:28,199
Shit!

201
00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:31,279
Glad you could come!
I'm gonna burn your face off now.

202
00:13:31,447 --> 00:13:35,042
I hope you don't mind! (LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

203
00:13:35,207 --> 00:13:37,641
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

204
00:13:48,927 --> 00:13:51,122
Star dive!

205
00:13:51,287 --> 00:13:52,606
Come on!

206
00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:54,280
Wow!

207
00:13:58,967 --> 00:14:03,483
- Come on, guys, let's get the hell out of here.
- I know!

208
00:14:41,007 --> 00:14:43,965
We'll be all right, you know. It was self-defence.

209
00:14:44,127 --> 00:14:46,687
He was gonna kill us, wasn't he?

210
00:14:46,847 --> 00:14:50,283
You saw what he did to that copper
and them other people.

211
00:14:50,447 --> 00:14:53,405
If the worst comes to the worst,
I'll take the blame.

212
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:55,717
I might even end up a hero.

213
00:14:59,367 --> 00:15:03,883
Right, we're 'ere for a reason, there's
your son's house, so what are you waiting for?

214
00:15:04,047 --> 00:15:06,356
Chris, I don't think I can do this.

215
00:15:07,487 --> 00:15:09,762
It's not fair on 'im, you know?

216
00:15:10,927 --> 00:15:12,758
Let's just leave it, yeah?

217
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,839
'Scuse me, Mark.

218
00:15:18,687 --> 00:15:20,757
What's the matter with you, eh?

219
00:15:20,927 --> 00:15:24,920
You can't back out now. You abandoned him,
you abandoned me and our mam.

220
00:15:25,087 --> 00:15:29,285
You never see anything through.
Get your arse in gear and get over there!

221
00:15:29,447 --> 00:15:31,438
I can't do it, Chris.

222
00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:35,202
All right, then, I'll do it.

223
00:15:41,367 --> 00:15:44,086
- Was the hand frozen immediately?
- Yes, Doctor.

224
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:46,363
- How was it frozen?
- In Polar Krush, Doctor.

225
00:15:46,527 --> 00:15:50,122
- Good. What flavour?
- Bilberry, Doctor.

226
00:15:50,287 --> 00:15:53,597
Hold on a minute.
Polar Krush don't do a bilberry flavour.

227
00:15:53,767 --> 00:15:55,723
Well, maybe it was blueberry, doctor.

228
00:15:55,887 --> 00:15:59,562
Well, which was it, woman?
If there's a new flavour, I need to know!

229
00:15:59,727 --> 00:16:01,206
Yes, Doctor.

230
00:16:02,327 --> 00:16:05,717
Best of all was Detroit 1979

231
00:16:05,887 --> 00:16:09,436
when I blew the lid off of
Tony Felucci's hydraulic scam.

232
00:16:09,607 --> 00:16:15,125
I had the bastard in the palm of my hands
and I crushed him like a sparrow's skull.

233
00:16:15,287 --> 00:16:18,120
Er...are you nervous about seeing your son, then?

234
00:16:18,287 --> 00:16:20,039
Yeah, I am.

235
00:16:20,207 --> 00:16:22,641
It's been 20 years, you know.

236
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:26,163
He might not remember me,
never mind want to actually see me.

237
00:16:26,327 --> 00:16:30,081
Ah, he'll recognise you, all right.
20 years is nowt.

238
00:16:30,247 --> 00:16:34,923
I mean, er...some people on ''This Is Your Life''
haven't seen each other for 40 years.

239
00:16:35,087 --> 00:16:37,203
They recognise each other all right.

240
00:16:37,367 --> 00:16:40,120
Besides, you're a fairly striking-looking fella.

241
00:16:43,487 --> 00:16:45,876
So what do you remember most about him?

242
00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:51,438
Well, just his lovely little face, really, you know,

243
00:16:51,607 --> 00:16:54,838
and, er...he had this really odd way
of eating his soup.

244
00:16:55,007 --> 00:16:56,918
- It's just daft, really.
- Yeah.

245
00:16:57,087 --> 00:17:00,443
Anyway, what about you, Mark?
What are you gonna do?

246
00:17:00,607 --> 00:17:03,997
Oh, well, the first thing I'll do
is find somewhere to live.

247
00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:08,240
I might put down my share of the money
as a deposit on a flat.

248
00:17:08,407 --> 00:17:14,198
Then hold a couple of grand back, maybe get
meself a Y-reg Citroen Berlingo for deliveries.

249
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:18,838
- What sort of deliveries?
- Well, it's a very versatile vehicle, the Berlingo.

250
00:17:19,007 --> 00:17:23,398
Maybe floral deliveries, erm...
birthday paraphernalia,

251
00:17:23,567 --> 00:17:28,357
maybe do deliveries for a Christian bookshop.
I haven't really thought about it yet.

252
00:17:28,527 --> 00:17:31,087
Look, Mark, about the money.

253
00:17:31,247 --> 00:17:35,240
Oh, no, listen, I shouldn't presume
I'm gonna get a share.

254
00:17:35,407 --> 00:17:37,238
No, Mark, it's not that.

255
00:17:37,407 --> 00:17:42,003
You see, when I left you, I went into the woods,
and I found Tess's cottage, like,

256
00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:45,762
and I left the briefcase there
for safe keeping, you know.

257
00:17:45,927 --> 00:17:50,045
But when I went back,
she'd booked some tickets to Florida

258
00:17:50,207 --> 00:17:53,119
and...the briefcase was gone,

259
00:17:53,287 --> 00:17:58,315
so I reckon that's probably
the last we're gonna see of it, to be honest.

260
00:18:02,927 --> 00:18:05,521
Oh, well, easy come, easy go.

261
00:18:06,487 --> 00:18:10,196
- What a cow, eh?
- Yeah, what a cow.

262
00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:13,882
Shame, really,
'cause you really liked her, didn't you?

263
00:18:14,047 --> 00:18:16,197
Yeah, I did.

264
00:18:16,367 --> 00:18:20,076
- Yeah, I really did.
- It'll be all right, Carl.

265
00:18:20,247 --> 00:18:24,035
- Plenty... Plenty more pebbles on the beach.
- Yeah.

266
00:18:24,207 --> 00:18:26,243
Don't worry about it.

267
00:18:37,487 --> 00:18:39,045
(DOORBELL)

268
00:18:46,727 --> 00:18:49,878
Hello, Judy. I'm Chris Palmer,
brother of your ex-husband Carl,

269
00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:54,802
and I'm 'ere to ask permission for him to see
his son at your earliest convenient occasion.

270
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,446
How's that grab yer?

271
00:19:29,407 --> 00:19:32,046
Are these photos all of Paul?

272
00:19:32,207 --> 00:19:35,916
Paul? Oh, Paul Anthony!

273
00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:39,557
He's been called Tony since he were four.

274
00:19:39,727 --> 00:19:41,604
He's grown up now, i'nt he?

275
00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:43,678
Oh, he's a wonderful son.

276
00:19:43,847 --> 00:19:47,601
Always does a lot of voluntary work.
He's a very caring lad.

277
00:20:32,207 --> 00:20:33,686
Chris?

278
00:20:37,447 --> 00:20:40,405
Aye, aye, 'ere he comes,
walking across the grass.

279
00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:42,956
Have you, er...told him about the money?

280
00:20:43,127 --> 00:20:47,484
No, I probably won't mention it, Mark.
He'll have forgotten about it already.

281
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:51,925
Money's never meant much to 'im.
He prefers his woodpeckers.

282
00:20:59,647 --> 00:21:03,242
So come on, then, Chris, how did it go?
Did you see him?

283
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,883
I'm afraid it's bad news, Carl.

284
00:21:07,047 --> 00:21:09,038
You can't see him.

285
00:21:09,207 --> 00:21:12,563
- He's gone.
- What do you mean, ''he's gone'', Chris?

286
00:21:14,887 --> 00:21:18,675
Oh, Carl, I don't know how to tell you.

287
00:21:18,847 --> 00:21:21,315
He's not 'ere any more.

288
00:21:21,487 --> 00:21:23,478
Oh, Carl, he's... he's...

289
00:21:23,647 --> 00:21:25,922
- Yeah, he's what, Chris? Come on.
- He's de...

290
00:21:26,087 --> 00:21:27,839
- Chris?
- He's...

291
00:21:28,007 --> 00:21:30,567
Oh, come on, man, spit it out.

292
00:21:31,487 --> 00:21:33,398
He's gone.

293
00:21:33,567 --> 00:21:35,603
To Angola.

294
00:21:35,767 --> 00:21:38,042
What's he gone to Angola for?

295
00:21:39,807 --> 00:21:43,959
He's a big businessman. He's in the oil industry.

296
00:21:44,127 --> 00:21:47,722
He hasn't been back here for five years.

297
00:21:47,887 --> 00:21:49,923
He's doing really well.

298
00:21:50,087 --> 00:21:52,157
Did she say when he's coming back next?

299
00:21:52,327 --> 00:21:54,318
No.

300
00:21:54,487 --> 00:21:58,241
What about an address?
Has she got an address for him?

301
00:21:58,407 --> 00:22:03,242
She said you can write a letter and
she'll pass it on to the company, and that's it.

302
00:22:03,407 --> 00:22:07,525
Oh, she'll pass it on to the company, yeah?
And that's it.

303
00:22:17,807 --> 00:22:20,367
Shame, isn't it?

304
00:22:20,527 --> 00:22:22,358
Still, he can always write to 'im.

305
00:22:22,527 --> 00:22:26,042
Maybe they could meet up one day
if he decides to come back.

306
00:22:26,207 --> 00:22:28,437
Yeah.

307
00:22:33,007 --> 00:22:36,124
So what are you gonna do now, my new friend?

308
00:22:36,287 --> 00:22:40,644
- Oh, well, now that the money's gone...
- What money?

309
00:22:41,607 --> 00:22:46,044
Oh, nothing. Erm... First thing I'm gonna do
is find a place to live.

310
00:22:46,207 --> 00:22:51,327
Why don't you come and live with us
at our mam's house? It's a super place.

311
00:22:51,487 --> 00:22:54,479
- Will that be all right?
- Yeah.

312
00:22:54,647 --> 00:22:56,319
What about Carl?

313
00:22:56,487 --> 00:22:59,877
- Carl'll do as he's told.
- Get in!

314
00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:13,005
- All right, lads?
- It's Ian! Have you got a new car, then?

315
00:23:13,167 --> 00:23:16,716
No, no, no,
I've just come back from me wife's funeral.

316
00:23:16,887 --> 00:23:18,206
Uh?

317
00:23:18,367 --> 00:23:21,359
D'you want a lift anywhere?
I'm going to Northallerton.

318
00:23:21,527 --> 00:23:24,280
Yeah, you can take me down the pub.

319
00:23:32,207 --> 00:23:34,163
'Ow do you do? I'm Mark.

320
00:23:34,327 --> 00:23:39,355
Erm...I'm sorry to hear about your wife.
Was... was it sudden?

321
00:23:39,527 --> 00:23:43,600
Well, the medics have been trying to tell me
she's been dead for nine month,

322
00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:45,485
but I don't think that's right.

323
00:23:45,647 --> 00:23:49,003
I mean, yes, she was very cold,
yes, she was very quiet,

324
00:23:49,167 --> 00:23:54,002
but come on, I would know if me wife was dead
better than anybody, wouldn't I?

325
00:23:56,007 --> 00:23:59,044
Truth is, she's always been cold
ever since I met her,

326
00:23:59,207 --> 00:24:01,960
you know, both sexually and in the kitchen.

327
00:24:02,127 --> 00:24:06,598
But to answer your question, yes,
it was very sudden. Came as a great shock.

328
00:24:06,767 --> 00:24:11,841
When I last left the house, I'd put her
in the hot water tank to warm her through.

329
00:24:12,007 --> 00:24:17,479
I'd also filled her with cavity wall insulation foam
using a bicycle pump up her arse.

330
00:24:17,647 --> 00:24:20,320
I mean, she should've been as warm as toast.

331
00:24:20,487 --> 00:24:25,766
But when I got home, she'd just bloated up to
the shape of the cylinder tank and become brittle.

332
00:24:27,327 --> 00:24:32,765
D'you know? I think it was the bumpy ride
in the ambulance to the hospital that killed her.

333
00:24:32,927 --> 00:24:35,566
But will I get an apology
from the Highways Department

334
00:24:35,727 --> 00:24:38,400
or a promise to reduce
the number of speed bumps?

335
00:24:38,567 --> 00:24:41,479
No, no, no, no, I very much doubt it.

336
00:24:50,527 --> 00:24:53,724
Are you and your mate coming in for one, Ian?

337
00:24:53,887 --> 00:24:56,162
No, no, no, no, no, no.

338
00:24:56,327 --> 00:24:59,637
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, right.

339
00:24:59,807 --> 00:25:02,526
Right. I'm sorry, Ian, yeah?

340
00:25:07,767 --> 00:25:10,156
<i>(CARL) And there the story ends.</i>

341
00:25:12,767 --> 00:25:15,235
<i>Well, at least, that's what I thought.</i>

342
00:25:16,127 --> 00:25:19,517
<i>Until two weeks later,</i>
<i>we all met up again at the pub.</i>

343
00:25:31,967 --> 00:25:35,755
<i>♪ If I had something</i>

344
00:25:35,927 --> 00:25:39,203
<i>♪ That I could shout about</i>

345
00:25:39,367 --> 00:25:43,679
<i>♪ I would shout i' out the window</i>

346
00:25:43,847 --> 00:25:45,803
<i>#Just to let you know</i>

347
00:25:46,807 --> 00:25:50,402
<i>♪ If I had one song</i>

348
00:25:50,567 --> 00:25:53,639
<i>♪ That you could sing along</i>

349
00:25:53,807 --> 00:25:58,198
<i>♪ I would sing i' on your radio</i>

350
00:25:58,367 --> 00:26:00,881
<i>#Just to let you know</i>

351
00:26:01,047 --> 00:26:04,437
<i>♪ But I don't have a thing</i>

352
00:26:04,607 --> 00:26:08,441
<i>♪ And I don't have a song</i>

353
00:26:08,607 --> 00:26:14,364
<i>♪ I only have these words to say</i>

354
00:26:16,327 --> 00:26:19,160
<i>♪ I don't know</i>

355
00:26:19,327 --> 00:26:22,603
<i>♪ What the world is for</i>

356
00:26:22,767 --> 00:26:28,717
<i>♪ If i' isn't for making love</i>

357
00:26:30,327 --> 00:26:37,039
<i>♪ And I don't know what the world is for</i>

358
00:26:37,207 --> 00:26:40,040
<i>♪ If i' isn't</i>

359
00:26:40,207 --> 00:26:44,723
<i>♪ For making love, love, love, love</i>

360
00:26:45,407 --> 00:26:47,159
<i>♪ Love, love</i>

361
00:26:48,007 --> 00:26:52,000
<i>♪ If I had one light</i>

362
00:26:52,167 --> 00:26:55,079
<i>♪ I could shine on you</i>

363
00:26:55,247 --> 00:26:58,284
<i>♪ I would shine i' on your very soul</i>

364
00:26:59,807 --> 00:27:02,196
<i>#Just to see you through</i>

365
00:27:02,367 --> 00:27:05,916
<i>♪ Though I don't have a light</i>

366
00:27:06,087 --> 00:27:09,443
<i>♪ I do have a soul</i>

367
00:27:10,247 --> 00:27:11,885
<i>♪ Only my soul... ♪</i>

368
00:27:28,167 --> 00:27:31,921
That's your lot. Television's going back on now.