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00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:05,047
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:08,133
Okay. Closing time. Everybody out.
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Harry? Harry,
how did you get in here?
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Came in the back door.
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I don't have a back door, Harry.
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Well, then it's my secret.
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I've been serving him all night.
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Diane, you know I don't like this
flimflam man hanging around my bar.
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00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:28,612
Oh, Sam, that's a bit unfair, isn't it?
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Anyone with half a brain can see
through his petty little scams and tricks.
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Oh, you're too kind. Thanks.
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I hope he doesn't try to pull
anything on you, that's all.
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Me?
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It is to laugh.
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Diane, you know, I like you.
You're a smart cookie.
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Let me help you clean up.
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You ought to keep
the cover on this table,
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you know, when you're not using it,
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because the heat from the lights will
crack the felt. You gotta take care of it.
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- Table--
- Harry. Harry.
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- I'll take care of it. You can leave.
- Oh, okay. Okay.
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00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:06,775
Well, let me save you a couple of steps
with the check anyway. I'll pay Sam.
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Oh, thanks.
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Take care of that table now.
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Men can't make beds either.
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Okay, Sam, thanks a lot.
Good night.
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Harry? Harry, the bill.
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Oh, that's okay. I paid Diane.
29
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- Harry, I don't trust you.
- Oh, Sam.
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Diane, will you tell Sam it's covered?
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It's covered.
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I'm sorry I'm late, but wait
till you hear what I've been doing.
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This afternoon, I spent five entire hours
in a sensory deprivation tank.
34
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Your room?
35
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I'm telling you, it was incredible.
36
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Never have I felt more aware and
sensitive to what's going on around me.
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- Excuse me.
- Oh, excuse me.
38
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You see, the whole idea is that there's
a total lack of sensory input.
39
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What the hell's going on here?
40
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It's a book-promotion party.
41
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,877
How could that be in a place
where no one can read?
42
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My old roommate, Tom Kenderson,
43
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wrote his own autobiography,
and I'm in it.
44
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So this is a press conference
45
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to announce the arrival
of yet another thickheaded jock epic.
46
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Well, there must be confetti
all over the Library of Congress, huh?
47
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,568
Hey, for your information,
this one happens to be different.
48
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,445
It's got a lot of good stuff in it.
49
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:59,865
- Like what?
- Well, I haven't read it, actually.
50
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,578
- No, no, no.
- Didn't want to wear out your lips?
51
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:10,125
I was supposed to read it last night,
but an emergency came up.
52
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,002
- And what was her name?
- Sherry.
53
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,463
But that's not the point,
that's not the point.
54
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,883
The point is that Tom's book
should be really exciting
55
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,926
due to the times we had together.
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See, it's about us, and how we
handled the pressures of baseball.
57
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,307
- Oh, yes.
- A lot of guys handle it differently.
58
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Some guys turn to the bottle,
some guys chase chicks.
59
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And Tom and I couldn't
make up our minds, so--
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- So you did both.
- Yeah.
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00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:38,153
Okay, well, let me speed-read
this sucker...
62
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,823
...and then we can talk.
63
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,452
How long is that gonna take?
64
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,995
I'm on chapter four.
65
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:51,124
You know what,
I always loved that kid Tommy.
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00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:54,961
I mean, just a riot.
He was always pulling something.
67
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,046
- Is that right?
- Yeah.
68
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:59,883
Like, you know, he put my toothbrush
in a pair of sweaty socks.
69
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,385
He'd leave dead animals in my locker.
70
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:05,931
One time, him and a bunch of guys
held me down and shaved my whole body.
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00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:08,934
No. Coach, Coach.
You just let him do that to you?
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00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,478
No, no, no, Cliff. What I did was,
73
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,898
he was trying to cram me into
one of these clothes driers one day,
74
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:17,526
I pulled his socks right over his spikes.
75
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,611
- Good one, Coach.
- Yeah.
76
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,363
The guys, what a laugh they got.
77
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:23,740
I could see them
through the little window, you know.
78
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,492
They were laughing.
79
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,327
Hey, Mayday.
80
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,830
- Hey!
- Tom!
81
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:34,251
- Hey, wow, what a to-do, huh?
- How about this?
82
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,878
- Sam? Sam?
- Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
83
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:39,422
Carla Tortelli, Tom Kenderson.
84
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,925
Carla, nice to meet you.
85
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,553
I love you, Tom Kenderson.
86
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:45,804
Look, here...
87
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,391
Here's my number and a couple
of quotes from past lovers.
88
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- Thank you, Carla.
- Carla, come here. Sweetheart.
89
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:54,688
- Sam. He breathed on me, Sam.
- All right.
90
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:58,400
- I'm a whole woman.
- Coach, get her a seltzer.
91
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,611
Sam, did you get a chance
to read my book last night?
92
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,406
No. No, I didn't, Tommy. I'm sorry.
93
00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:06,199
I really wish you had.
94
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,827
Did you put in that flight to Kansas City
95
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:11,538
when we jumped in the garment bag
with those two stewardesses?
96
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,499
- Yeah, that's there, but there's some--
- Then I'll die happy. I'm fine.
97
00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:16,585
- Let's get you famous, all right?
- I don't think--
98
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:19,296
- Tommy, it's so good to see you.
- Hey, Coach.
99
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,673
- Good to see you. How you doing?
- Just great.
100
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:26,344
Tommy, do you remember the time you
put the analgesic balm in my jock strap?
101
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,431
- Yeah.
- I think of you every time I get the itch.
102
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Well, it's good
to be remembered, Coach.
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What a guy!
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Mr. Kenderson,
would you mind if we begin?
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Yeah, let's start. Let's do it.
106
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Let us through here. Pardon me.
107
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:43,695
Before we start here, Sam Malone,
come up here. Come on.
108
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,616
I'm sure you all remember Sam Malone,
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00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,868
and if you don't,
chapters seven through nine.
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No, no, no, I'm a businessman now.
I keep my clothes on.
111
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:54,873
Most of the time.
112
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:57,792
So you two were real close?
113
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:01,838
For three years we did everything
together. No one ever saw us apart.
114
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,507
Well, Sam, it must have been
quite a shock to you
115
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,010
when Tom wrote about
coming out of the closet.
116
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:13,642
You mean-- You mean in Detroit,
when I was with the waitress,
117
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:17,729
and he came out of the closet,
and he was wearing a...
118
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,148
That's not what you're
talking about, is it?
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Yikes.
120
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,324
Is this some kind of joke, Tom?
121
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:32,744
I wanted you to read the book, Sam.
122
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:36,039
It's still hard for me to tell people
from the old days.
123
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:40,335
Sam, you were saying that you two
used to do everything together?
124
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No, no, no,
you misunderstood that. No.
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As a matter of fact, people used to
come up to me and say,
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"Hey, you know,
you two are best friends,
127
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and yet you're completely different."
128
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,137
- I remember this time--
- Sam.
129
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,975
Sam, there's an emergency
in the backroom.
130
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:59,604
- What?
- I found holes in the pool table.
131
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,942
Oh, yeah, yeah. Will you excuse me?
132
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,569
Some chick wants to see me.
I can't get rid of them.
133
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,197
You guys know how that is.
134
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:13,326
So, honey, you can't go
in the backroom without me, huh?
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00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,161
Shut up.
136
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:19,582
Say it ain't so, Tom.
Say it ain't so.
137
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,418
Thank you for getting me out of there
138
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,461
before I made a complete ass
out of myself.
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00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:26,172
I was fast, but you were faster.
140
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,842
It wasn't my fault.
I mean, he should've told me.
141
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:32,804
- Sam, he told you to read the book.
- Yeah, but--
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00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:34,973
He should've known
that you'd be spending the evening
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00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:39,060
with a woman who thinks
Candide is a toenail polish.
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00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,980
I just can't believe it.
145
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:45,275
I mean, the guy was a hound, Diane.
He had women everywhere.
146
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,610
We'd be on the road,
we'd go into hotel lobbies,
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00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:50,113
there'd be three, four women
holding up kids.
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- He covers that, he covers that.
- Where?
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Here, here.
In this paragraph right here.
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- Want me to read it?
- No, I'll read it.
151
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:02,834
- Right there?
- Yes.
152
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:07,255
"From the outside, my days
in baseball seemed glorious,
153
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:11,259
but the greater my fear became
of my true sexuality,
154
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:16,181
the more I compensated
with typical Don Juan promiscuity."
155
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,432
Does that explain it?
156
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:20,602
I don't know. I've only read it once.
157
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:28,068
He was denying who he was.
He's no longer doing that.
158
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:31,905
I should've known.
159
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:36,576
I remember sitting in a piano bar with
him, and he requested a show tune.
160
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:43,875
Sam.
161
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:47,420
I do understand why you're upset.
162
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,256
You're afraid that now people
will think that you're--
163
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,468
No, I'm not upset. I'm not upset.
164
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:59,265
It's just that guys should be guys,
Diane, that's all.
165
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,769
Sam.
166
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:06,439
Look, your friend Tom's out there.
167
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:10,068
He needs your support now
more than ever before.
168
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,779
He really hasn't changed.
169
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,658
He's still the same guy you used to
tinkle off balconies with.
170
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,412
Boy...
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00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,332
The world was a lot simpler then,
you know.
172
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,381
Sam, sorry about all this.
173
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,675
See, I thought you'd read the book,
and everything was cool.
174
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,261
Look, I don't wanna cause you
any more problems,
175
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,263
so I'm just gonna take off, okay?
176
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:43,685
Damn it.
177
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:53,236
Thanks a lot, everybody.
It was nice talking to you all again.
178
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,196
So long, Tommy.
179
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,782
Tom?
180
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,493
You still a gin-and-tonic man?
181
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,706
Way to go, Mayday.
182
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:09,752
I make them the way you like them,
on the house. Coach.
183
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,009
- Thanks a lot, Sam.
- Hey, listen,
184
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,344
can we get a couple more shots
of you guys?
185
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:21,014
Yeah, sure, you bet.
186
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,391
I appreciate this, Sam.
I really do.
187
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,519
Well, you didn't dump me
when I had a drinking problem.
188
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,981
Sure I did.
You were just passed out at the time.
189
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,487
Pardon me, pal,
where are these photos gonna run?
190
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,115
Oh, I don't know.
Most of your local papers.
191
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,535
What's the matter?
192
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:46,706
Same thing's going to happen at Cheers
that happened at Vito's Pub.
193
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,805
Sam looks as terrific in black and white
as he does in color, huh?
194
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,934
- Yeah.
- Looking at Tom breaks my heart.
195
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:07,894
Hey, everybody.
196
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,146
- Hey, Sam.
- Hi, Sam.
197
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:14,984
We're looking at your kisser
in the morning rag here, Sam.
198
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,819
Yeah, I saw that.
199
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,615
Every time I look at this,
I feel so proud of you.
200
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,159
You know, I'm kind of glad
I did that now.
201
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:27,205
I think you are taking real strides
in your development as a human being.
202
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,582
You know, a couple of other chicks
said that to me today.
203
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:33,461
I think this human being image is gonna
get me more action than cheap wine.
204
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:38,007
Always the high road.
205
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,595
Hey, Norm.
206
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:45,056
What was that you said yesterday,
207
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,393
when they were taking pictures,
about Vito's Pub?
208
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,270
Oh, it's nothing, don't worry about it.
209
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,355
Talk to me, Norm.
210
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,316
Norm, I think it's best
he hears it from us.
211
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,486
Go ahead, tell him the story.
212
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,613
All right. You heard of Vito's Pub?
213
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,992
- Yeah. It's a gay bar, right?
- It didn't used to be.
214
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,995
It used to be a great bar.
I hung out there myself.
215
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,789
Wow, what a story, Norm.
216
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:14,502
- I'm not finished.
- There's more?
217
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:19,757
One night Vito lets a gay group hold
a meeting in the backroom, right?
218
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:22,719
Gays for the Metric System
or something.
219
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:26,723
Story got in the newspaper,
gets a lot of attention,
220
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:31,936
next thing you know,
Vito's Pub turns into Vito's Pub.
221
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,398
All the regulars left, Sammy.
222
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:40,069
Out went the oars and the moose heads,
in came plants and ferns.
223
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,362
Ferns.
224
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,407
Just don't want that to happen
to Cheers, that's all.
225
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,702
I don't believe that stuff.
Bars don't turn gay overnight.
226
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:51,372
You don't have to believe me.
I have scientific proof. Cliff?
227
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,166
- It happened.
- See?
228
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,503
Excuse me.
229
00:13:57,795 --> 00:14:01,299
You're talking about them
like they're ogres.
230
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,969
The fact of the matter is, there are
gay people in this bar all the time.
231
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:09,057
What...? No way. I haven't seen
a gay guy in here in ages.
232
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,934
Oh, I see. You can spot a gay person?
233
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,895
A mile away.
234
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:17,023
And there are none in here right now?
235
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:21,194
Nope. Looks like
a straight crowd to me.
236
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,488
Too ugly to be gay.
237
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:26,282
Too ugly to be out.
238
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,747
Well, I wasn't going to say anything,
239
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:37,168
but you've gone so far in proving
you're open-minded, Norman.
240
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:41,381
There are two homosexual gentlemen
in this bar at this moment.
241
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,674
Come on, get out of here.
242
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:47,387
They told me they were gay, that
they appreciated what Sam had done.
243
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,389
That's right, guys.
244
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,766
They're here right now,
and you don't even know who they are.
245
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:57,897
No, she's kidding.
Everybody here checks out all right.
246
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:04,320
Well, I don't know.
It occurs to me that Cliff...
247
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:07,532
...hasn't had a date in quite some time.
248
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,159
- That's right.
- Oh, yeah, Norm?
249
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:14,997
Well, how come we've never seen this
Vera you're allegedly married to, huh?
250
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:21,587
- Could we have a couple of beers, please?
- You bet.
251
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,465
Patty-cake alert.
252
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,510
- Hey, you're Sam Malone.
- Right.
253
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,054
Yeah, yeah, I saw your picture
in the paper this morning.
254
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:33,141
- That's good.
- Can't wait to read that book.
255
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:36,769
I'm not much of a baseball fan,
but that sounds interesting.
256
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,020
It should be pretty good.
257
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,231
Oh, listen, could we have
light beers, please?
258
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,567
Light beer.
259
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,612
- Here you go.
- Thanks, Sam.
260
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,531
Thanks.
261
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:53,953
- Sam, those guys look okay to me.
- They are okay, Coach.
262
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,457
Yeah, well, maybe we are
a little off base here, Norm.
263
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,750
Hey, let's test them out.
264
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,003
I got an idea.
265
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,047
Hey, look at the bagonzas
on that babe!
266
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:11,012
Oh, this is medieval.
267
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,973
I never knew
Lorne Greene had bagonzas.
268
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,435
Say, hey, Jack.
Change the channel, will you?
269
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,562
I think it's time
for the Benito-Venito bout.
270
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:21,564
Yeah, should be a blood match.
271
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,902
Yeah, they're not watching.
Let's string them up.
272
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:32,408
So, what are we gonna do
about these guys, huh?
273
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,285
- Carla.
- What?
274
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:36,329
You're not prejudiced against gays,
are you?
275
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,415
Well, I'm not exactly crazy about them.
276
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:42,668
I mean, I get enough competition
from women.
277
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:46,297
I'm telling you, if guys keep
coming out of the closet,
278
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,090
there isn't gonna be
anybody left to date,
279
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,468
and I'm gonna have to start
going out with girls.
280
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,640
Carla, you don't
have to worry about me.
281
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,643
I like my dates a little more masculine
than you.
282
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,062
Not much, but a little.
283
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,774
I can't believe you're all making
such a big fuss
284
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,567
out of two guys walking in a bar.
285
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,198
- Patty-cake.
- It's an orgy!
286
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:15,284
Ferns, Sammy, we're talking ferns.
287
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:19,413
You-- Come on.
I've seen you guys hug.
288
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,415
- Yeah, but we hate it.
- Right.
289
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:25,753
Say, Cliff. I haven't been
to Clancy's in a long time.
290
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,672
That still as nice a place
as it used to be?
291
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:30,258
I don't know, Jack. I haven't been there
in a long time myself.
292
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:33,177
- Come on, let's go on over there.
- Yeah, good idea.
293
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,429
Give me a break.
You guys are kidding, right?
294
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,723
Sammy, we check in in a couple weeks,
295
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,476
and we'll just see if Cheers
is still the kind of bar
296
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:43,437
where a single woman can be assured
of being harassed and hit on.
297
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:46,899
Hey, get back here.
All of you, right now. Come on.
298
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:51,195
You mean to tell me that you guys
are bailing out on me?
299
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:54,448
Sam, I'm telling you, within a month
there's going to be wild music,
300
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:57,702
and guys dancing
and exchanging phone numbers.
301
00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:01,622
You know, Sam, you've got
some really great friends here.
302
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,833
You've gone out of your way
to make a bar
303
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:07,712
where customers can feel
like they belong, part of a family,
304
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:09,714
and now they're walking out on you.
305
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,389
Quiet!
306
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:22,143
Perhaps we should
step into the backroom.
307
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:27,315
Anyone having something
intelligent to say can follow me.
308
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,445
Fine. Anyone with a two-bit opinion.
309
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,125
Sammy, Sammy, Sammy, look.
310
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,169
I've got a simple solution
to this whole problem.
311
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:51,839
See, you just go up to the guys
and politely ask them to leave.
312
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:55,259
- Everything is back to normal, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
313
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:59,639
Sam would never do that,
would you, Sam?
314
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,059
Oh, no.
315
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,895
I'm not sure. I mean,
these guys are my regulars.
316
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,064
If I lose my regulars, I lose my bar.
317
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,901
And if single women stop coming
in here, I have no reason to live.
318
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:19,784
No emotional appeal here, Sam.
This is a purely intellectual argument.
319
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:26,749
You let this bar go gay, you're gonna
have to hire male waitresses, right?
320
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,126
That means that I'm out
on the street,
321
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,962
and I'm not going to be able
to feed little...
322
00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,465
...Sammy Tortelli.
323
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,385
He kicked.
324
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,053
What?
325
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:42,390
What's that he's trying to say there?
326
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:45,059
I'm hungry.
327
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:51,440
I'm hungry. Oh, please,
don't let Sammy do this to us.
328
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:54,360
Thanks for keeping emotions out of it.
329
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,071
I think it's a trick, Sam.
330
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,281
- Sit down.
- All right, we're all agreed then, huh?
331
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:02,785
Sammy tells these guys to leave,
we don't go to Clancy's. Am I right, Sam?
332
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,331
- All right, all right.
- Sam.
333
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:10,501
Hey, just leave me alone.
I'm running a business here.
334
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,423
What do you think
I should say to them?
335
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:17,967
Oh, well, it's very simple.
336
00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:22,471
You just walk up and say,
"Hello, we're a group of sniveling bigots,
337
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:25,015
and we don't care for your kind."
338
00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:26,892
That's good. I like that.
339
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,408
- Hi, fellas.
- Hi.
340
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,285
Hi, Sam. What's going on?
341
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:47,121
Well, I got a little bit of a problem.
Maybe you can help me out.
342
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:50,291
- See, I'm the owner of this bar and--
- Yeah, we know.
343
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,418
We read the article in the newspaper.
344
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:53,961
Oh, right, right.
345
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,797
- That took a lot of guts.
- It really did.
346
00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:58,507
Yeah.
347
00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:00,968
So, what's your problem?
348
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,180
As a matter of fact,
I don't have a problem.
349
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:07,183
Coach, get these guys
a beer on the house.
350
00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:08,809
Right, Sam.
351
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:11,228
What's the matter, Sammy?
You chickening out on us?
352
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:14,732
Yeah, Sammy, Sammy, I thought
you always had more character.
353
00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:18,277
Hey, listen, those guys are staying.
Anyone else wants to leave, that's fine.
354
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,821
Okay, Sam, you know what kind of bar
this could turn into.
355
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:23,866
It's not going to turn into the kind of bar
that I have to throw people out of.
356
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:27,244
That was the noblest preposition
you've ever dangled.
357
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:31,874
Thank you.
358
00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:35,419
Now, let me say this--
359
00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:37,546
- No!
- Fine.
360
00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:43,219
All right, gentlemen, desperate times
call for desperate measures.
361
00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:45,179
What are you gonna do?
362
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,681
Coach, last call.
363
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,101
What are you talking about last call?
Norm, it's quarter to seven.
364
00:21:51,268 --> 00:21:52,770
No time for last call.
365
00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:55,815
These glasses have to be
off the tables by seven bells.
366
00:21:57,358 --> 00:21:58,484
Hey, excuse me.
367
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,278
This bar closes at 7:00?
368
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:04,240
Well, you know, only on
the first Thursday of every month.
369
00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:07,117
You see, we call it
Viva La Difference evening.
370
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:11,372
Yeah, we go home to our wives,
girlfriends, workbenches, power tools.
371
00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:16,085
This is the weirdest bar
I've ever been in.
372
00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:20,381
Coach, what the hell are you doing?
373
00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:23,133
Sam, this is Viva La Difference night.
374
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:26,136
- Where the hell did the month go?
- What?
375
00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:29,849
Your regulars just tricked
those three guys out of the bar.
376
00:22:36,397 --> 00:22:39,567
Let's have a round here, Sammy.
It's on Norm.
377
00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:41,652
What's going on here?
378
00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:44,154
Yeah, well, we just got rid
of your friends, Diane.
379
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:47,449
Yeah, it was all Normie's idea.
The man's a genius.
380
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:53,414
Norman, I think there's something
you should know about those guys.
381
00:22:53,664 --> 00:22:55,708
- Yeah?
- They're not gay.
382
00:22:55,916 --> 00:22:58,168
In fact, one of them tried to
hit on me tonight.
383
00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:00,713
- What?
- But you said they were.
384
00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:04,300
I said there were two gay men
in the bar. I didn't say who they were.
385
00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:07,011
They, along with myself,
386
00:23:07,177 --> 00:23:12,099
have had a wonderful time watching
you make complete idiots of yourself.
387
00:23:12,641 --> 00:23:16,729
Yeah, the guys I was talking
about are still here.
388
00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:19,857
- Right, guys?
- Right.
389
00:23:26,363 --> 00:23:27,406
Better than Vera.