1 00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:04,922 Cheers was filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:08,300 I think, if nobody minds, I'll take my lunch now. 3 00:00:08,467 --> 00:00:09,593 Do it. 4 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,136 Coach, would you mind? Right down there. 5 00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:12,429 - Here, honey. -Yeah. 6 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,182 I got some lovely roast beef for a sandwich. 7 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:20,521 Carla, if it bothers you, I could eat in the back. 8 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,899 No, no. I was a little nauseous before, but I'm fine now. 9 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,234 Oh, great. 10 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,861 You know, I'm starting to feel a little hungry myself. 11 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,197 Would you mind handing me my lunch there, Coach? 12 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,950 - Here you go. - Thanks. Thank you. 13 00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:41,291 - Mind if I join you, Diane? - Not at all. 14 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:47,297 You know, that's another thing about pregnancy, 15 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:49,299 You get cravings. 16 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,717 Green olive. 17 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,679 Red pimento. 18 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:59,226 Nice, juicy anchovy. 19 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:07,025 Now, you open the little anchovy's mouth. 20 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:13,490 Red pimento, stuff it into the anchovy's mouth. 21 00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:16,743 Sugar... 22 00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:22,207 I think I've just lost my appetite. 23 00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:23,792 Forever. 24 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,797 Works every time. 25 00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:54,049 - Good evening, everybody. - Norm! 26 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,384 Beer, Norm? 27 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:58,387 - That's that sudsy, amber stuff, right? - Yeah. 28 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,222 Yeah, I've been hearing good things about it. 29 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:04,017 - How's it going, Norm? - Don't ask. 30 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,061 It's no fun looking for work, Sammy. 31 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,691 - You going out on interviews? - Three today. 32 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:12,818 My résumé, right? 33 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:17,364 Last guy I showed it to reads it, laughs in my face. 34 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,032 Why would he do something like that? 35 00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:26,248 Well, I'm sorry. It's just that, well, it's pretty skimpy, isn't it? 36 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:32,045 You were born, worked at one company, and you're 5 foot 10. 37 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:37,050 What you gotta do is pep this up a little bit. 38 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,010 - No, that's cheating. - No, it's pepping it up. 39 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,513 Look, I mean, everybody does it. It's expected of you. 40 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,350 You just take what's here, just spice it up a little, right? 41 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:46,435 Yeah. 42 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:52,816 Lookie, there's Diane and her date back from the weekend. 43 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,695 Thanks for dropping me off, Walter. 44 00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:58,238 Bye-bye. 45 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:03,076 You wanna hear me do it one last time? 46 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,996 No, Walter. I have to get to work now. 47 00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,247 Twenty-eight. 48 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,625 Why don't you introduce me to your coworkers? 49 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,295 - I'm sure they'd get a bang out of this. - Oh, I don't really think... 50 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,464 Hello, Sam. 51 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,091 Walter Franklin, Sam Malone. 52 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,634 - How do you do? - Ten. 53 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,679 He's able to tell you instantly 54 00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:24,890 how many letters there are in any sentence you say. 55 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,183 Sixty-six. 56 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,270 - Why that's quite a gift. - Fifteen. 57 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,649 I've been at it all weekend. 58 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,818 - How many days did it seem like? - Twenty-four. 59 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,705 Listen, Walter, I have to go to work now. 60 00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:51,208 Thanks again for a lovely weekend. 61 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,251 Two sentences: 30 and 28. 62 00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,297 - Stop doing that, Walter. - Nineteen. 63 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,715 - I mean it. - Seven. 64 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,886 No, really, that's enough of this now. I'd better get going. 65 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:06,181 Goodbye, Diane. Nice seeing you, Sam. 66 00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,474 - Yeah. - Four. 67 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,394 - By the way, Walter? - Fourteen. 68 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:12,896 Yes, Sam, what is it? 69 00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:15,524 How was Diane on a scale of 100? 70 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:16,942 Twenty-nine. 71 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:26,827 Quite a catch. 72 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,540 - Thank you. - So's a large mouth bass. 73 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:37,963 Walter happens to be a distinguished geneticist. 74 00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:40,423 Oh, he studies Jeanettes. 75 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,386 Nice to be back. 76 00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:46,429 Okay, Sammy, we're rolling here. 77 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,932 Those job offers ought to start pouring in now, huh? 78 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:54,729 "Norm Peterson, thought-provoking, poignant, hilarious, 79 00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:56,356 a roller coaster of emotions. 80 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,401 If you hire only one accountant this year, make it Norm Peterson." 81 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:02,737 What is this? 82 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:05,198 He had the paper open to the movie section, Sam. 83 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,995 Here's the part I like best, Sam. It says, 84 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:13,415 "At last, an accountant the whole family can go see." 85 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:18,378 It's no use, Sammy. Nobody's gonna hire me anyway. 86 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,463 Hey, come on, hang in there. Something will turn up. 87 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:24,050 Come on, you ever thought about doing anything else besides accounting? 88 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,012 Well, I was in the motor pool in the service. 89 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,930 - Learned a little about engines. - Like what? 90 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,473 How to use them for shade. 91 00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,728 Norm, let's go have a look at these want ads. 92 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,358 Well, hello there. 93 00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:44,738 - Did you have a nice weekend? - Oh, I had a wonderful weekend. 94 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:49,576 Went to Martha's Vineyard, long walks on the beach, 95 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:53,830 hiked over the dunes, crisscrossed the island on bicycles. 96 00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,498 Still couldn't lose him, huh? 97 00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,879 You know, you are the last person in the world 98 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,924 who should take shots at somebody else's choice of dates. 99 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,927 Not with the coterie of Betty Boops 100 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:11,097 you squander your time, money and hormones on. 101 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,309 Hey, I date terrific women. 102 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,561 Yes, and talented. 103 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:20,398 Without them, the art of gum-snapping might be lost forever. 104 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:25,654 At least my dates don't count the number of letters in sentences. 105 00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,948 Your dates can't form sentences. 106 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:33,745 Okay, all right, you like dating nerds, nerds it is. 107 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:37,248 Well, the next time I decide to go out, I'll check with you first. 108 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,792 That would be a very good idea. 109 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,630 I suppose you know better than I whom I should date. 110 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,173 As a matter of fact, I do, lady. 111 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,593 I could set you up with the best date you ever had. 112 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,971 - That's ridiculous. - I could. 113 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,055 You want me to? 114 00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,266 Would you let me set you up? 115 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,394 Yeah. Why not? 116 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:04,693 I'm tempted to do this just to see what kind of a joke you'd bring in. 117 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,236 I haven't had a good laugh for a week. 118 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,904 Certainly not in a weekend. 119 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,823 - I resent that. - Eleven. 120 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,497 All right, Mr. Matchmaker, you're on. 121 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,750 - Let's set each other up. - You got it. 122 00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,669 You're not gonna pull out on me now, are you? 123 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:26,047 No. if you out with mine, I'll go out with yours. 124 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,132 Tomorrow night? 125 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,175 Well, I'll have... 126 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,471 I just thought of the perfect woman. 127 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:38,685 Yes. Bright, witty, attractive. Perfect. 128 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,688 - Yeah. This is great, I can't wait. - Okay. 129 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,274 All right, okay. 8:30 tomorrow night? 130 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,069 Two drafts. 131 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:55,201 Carla, Carla, who do I know who'd be a good match for Diane? 132 00:08:56,911 --> 00:09:00,373 What about that guy you used to play ball with, Fred Wilson? 133 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,250 Fred's dead, Carla. 134 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,463 So? She has to drive. 135 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,214 No, hey, no, I'm-- 136 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,216 Hey, I'm serious, Coach. Who do you think? 137 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,720 You know something? I always thought you'd make a great date for Diane. 138 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,305 Oh, Coach, that's crazy. 139 00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:19,059 Or is it? 140 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,518 Let me think about that. 141 00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,106 Of course, that's what she's doing. 142 00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,484 Oh, that's cute. That is cute. 143 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,736 Gee, thanks, Sam. I have lost a few pounds. 144 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:33,573 No, no, no. I'm telling you, Coach, don't you see what she's doing? 145 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,743 She's setting me up with herself. 146 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,037 Why that little scamp! 147 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,748 Yeah, you heard what she said, 148 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,750 "Bright, witty, attractive, the perfect girl." 149 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,377 She's talking about herself. Who else could she be talking about? 150 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:49,339 She's not gonna bring another girl in here tomorrow night. 151 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,508 She wants to go out with me herself. 152 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:57,222 I kind of like that. Our first date. Thanks, Coach. Thanks. 153 00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:59,474 If there's anything I can do for you, you let me know, all right? 154 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,976 Oh, yeah, Sam, by the way, there is. 155 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:05,271 One little thing, if you got some time later on, 156 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:08,608 could you please tell me what the hell we were talking about? 157 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:12,237 - You bet. You bet. - I'm looking forward to it. 158 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:18,076 Well, I'm feeling like quite the matchmaker. 159 00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:21,246 I called my friend. She said she'd love to go out with Sam. 160 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,376 Carla... 161 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,047 ...do you have any idea who Sam has in store for me? 162 00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:36,970 No. 163 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:58,408 Hey, Sammy, you're looking pretty sharp there tonight. 164 00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:00,368 Yeah, what's the occasion there, Sam? 165 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:04,122 I've got a very big blind date. 166 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:07,292 Oh, blind date. Isn't that a little risky there? 167 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,002 Not in this case. Coach. 168 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:10,670 Sam. 169 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,148 Oh, Sammy, watching you get ready for a date 170 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:33,318 is watching a great matador prepare for a bullfight. 171 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,654 I hate that stuff. You know, who wants to see 172 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:40,283 a guy go and manipulate and torment a poor, unthinking creature like that? 173 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:43,328 Hey, I always buy them breakfast, don't I? 174 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:48,124 But lookie here, here comes Diane. 175 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:51,169 Strangest thing, she appears to be alone. 176 00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:53,254 Mind if I sit here, Sammy? 177 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,215 Enjoy. 178 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,511 - Hello, everyone. - Hi, Diane. 179 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:01,596 Hi, Diane. 180 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,933 Sam, ready for your date? 181 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,935 I certainly am. Are you for yours? 182 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:10,021 Oh, as I'll ever be. Is he here? 183 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,485 Kind of a dumb question, isn't it? Of course he's here. 184 00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:17,278 Present and accounted for. 185 00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:21,032 But wherever is my date for the evening? 186 00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:25,370 Oh, she went to lock the car. 187 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:27,413 She what? 188 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,541 Oh, Gretchen went back to make sure her car was locked. 189 00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:31,918 Gretchen? 190 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:35,129 The point is, she is a woman of substance, Sam. 191 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,215 She's going to challenge you. 192 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:40,260 - Gretchen? - Yes. Oh, here she is. 193 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,345 Gretchen Darrow, Sam Malone. 194 00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,138 - Hello. - Hi. 195 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,225 Yes, you and Gretchen have a lot in common. 196 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:51,104 She's a grad student working on her thesis in kinesiology. 197 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,939 Oh, small world. 198 00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:57,443 That's the study of physical movement, Sam. 199 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,279 Akin to athletics. 200 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:03,533 She also lettered in three sports. 201 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:08,496 So you're the Sam Malone that used to pitch for the Sox, right? 202 00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:12,000 Yeah, yeah, as a matter of fact, I am. I am. 203 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:16,129 Coach, why don't you get Gretchen here something to drink? 204 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,423 - Sure. - Thanks, Sam. 205 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,801 I can't believe this. 206 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:25,263 I knew you'd like her. I'm a pretty good judge of people. 207 00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:29,142 So let's see how you are. Where's my guy? 208 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,438 Your guy. Well, as a matter of fact... 209 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,149 ...he's in the in the poolroom. 210 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,153 Will you shut up. 211 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:45,325 I'll just go back and get him right now. You just hang on here. 212 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:52,165 He's probably right back here. 213 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:11,851 Excuse me. What's your name? 214 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,812 Andy. Why? 215 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,981 Well, what're you doing tonight, Andy? 216 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:20,360 - Why do you ask? - Oh, no, no. Hey, no, hey. 217 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:24,197 - No, I got an extra girl on my hands. - Oh, I see. 218 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,200 It's worth $20 if you'll go out with her. 219 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,786 Why give me 20 bucks to take out a girl? 220 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,412 The 20 bucks is not to go out with her. 221 00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:34,332 It's for a little lie. To pretend we've known each other a long time, 222 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,376 and that we set this up yesterday. 223 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:39,337 What do--? My name's Sam, by the way. 224 00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:42,173 Sam, yeah, I'd probably know that, wouldn't I? 225 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,301 - Yeah, that's cool. - Sam, what if this girl doesn't like me? 226 00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:47,595 That's all right. She doesn't like anybody. 227 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,939 What're you looking at, endomorph? 228 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,278 Nothing. 229 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,780 Nothing, sir. 230 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:11,202 Here we go, Andy. I'd like you to meet Diane, and this is Gretchen. 231 00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:16,707 I finally meet Gretchen. Oh, boy, Sam talks about you all the time. 232 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,835 "Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen." 233 00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:20,753 He just met me. 234 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,381 But I knew you'd be coming along any day. 235 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,843 No, this is your date, Diane Chambers. 236 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,804 - Hello. - How do you do? 237 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:33,141 Diane, I'd like you to meet my good buddy, Andy... 238 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:34,600 Andy. 239 00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,770 Andy Andy? 240 00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,273 Well, that should be easy to remember. 241 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,068 - How do you two know each other? - Well, we-- 242 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:47,405 Oh, she asks good questions, doesn't she? Good question. 243 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:50,032 - We met in the pool-- - At the Y. The pool at the Y. 244 00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:53,453 We do a lot of swimming, floating, kicking, all your basic water sports. 245 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:57,582 Hey, now we're getting into your area of expertise, aren't we, Gretchen? 246 00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:00,626 Swimming is one of the finest cardiopulmonary exercises. 247 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:04,422 It's also wonderful for the development of all the major muscle groups, 248 00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,632 particularly the latissimus dorsi. 249 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,802 Boy, I bet you're kicking yourself that I got to her first, huh? 250 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,847 Okay, we're gonna take off now. You two have a good time. 251 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:15,433 Oh, you two, too. 252 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,767 Andy Andy and I... 253 00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,771 ...we'll have fun, fun. 254 00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:26,819 So, what do you think, Andy, how does Italian food sound, huh? 255 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:30,448 Oh, boy, I've been hungry for Italian food all day. 256 00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:35,286 Anywhere but Via Milano. That's bad memories for me. 257 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:36,996 I killed a waitress there. 258 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,880 - We'll double. - Did you hear what he said? 259 00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:49,133 No! No! 260 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:55,431 Hey, listen, Coach, you're not gonna believe this. 261 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,308 I was just talking to the guys in the back-- 262 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,352 I'd like to believe it, Carla. 263 00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,272 Oh, no, Coach, not that. 264 00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:07,944 You know who that guy that Sam just set Diane up with is? 265 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,111 Who? 266 00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:14,075 He just got out of the pen after doing ten years for manslaughter. 267 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:19,997 Oh, hey, that must be them now. 268 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,333 Yeah, I saw them taking off on a motorcycle. 269 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:27,713 You mean, Diane had to ride piggyback on a motorcycle? That's great. 270 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,925 You didn't think we were gonna make that last jump, did you? 271 00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:44,689 Well, here we are. Anybody need anything? 272 00:17:45,356 --> 00:17:46,649 A five-minute head start. 273 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,527 Why don't we just sit down here 274 00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,780 and pick up the conversation where we left off? 275 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,537 So where were we? 276 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,917 Yeah, that was about it. 277 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,629 Do you ever dream that you have claws? 278 00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:14,552 That's it for me. I've gotta run. No, don't get up. 279 00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:15,636 I'm warning you. 280 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,389 Good night, all. 281 00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:25,313 If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go scrape the bugs off my teeth. 282 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:36,407 Well... 283 00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,744 ...I guess that just about does it there for you, Andy. 284 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,413 Thank you very much. 285 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:46,083 And thank you. Sam, everything all right? 286 00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,501 Oh, perfect. 287 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,254 Hard to tell. She didn't say much. 288 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:53,257 Except for that little scream she let out 289 00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:56,218 when I asked the waiter for a sharper knife. 290 00:18:58,679 --> 00:18:59,639 Bye. 291 00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,066 Is he...? 292 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:11,984 He's gone. Yes. 293 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:21,535 In that case... 294 00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,706 ...let me just say... 295 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:32,046 ...of all the cheap, small-minded, 296 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:35,966 creepy, sophomoric pranks 297 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:39,762 you have perpetrated in your long, arrested adolescence, 298 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:43,140 this is far and away the worst. 299 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:47,603 How could you, Sam? 300 00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,190 So he wasn't your ideal date. 301 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,069 I'm big enough to admit when I'm wrong. 302 00:19:55,903 --> 00:20:00,157 Did you really think this was amusing? Did you have lots of laughs planning it? 303 00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:03,160 Diane, I swear to you, I wasn't trying to be funny. 304 00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:04,578 What were you trying to do? 305 00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:09,083 The truth is, I never saw the guy before in my life. 306 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,751 I met him in the backroom, and I... 307 00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,587 ...paid him to go out with you. 308 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:21,262 You hired a murderer to take me out for the evening? 309 00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:28,269 Well, it's kind of funny when you put it that way. 310 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:33,399 Oh, look, see, I actually... 311 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,485 I didn't think that you were gonna get me a girl. 312 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,487 What did you think I'd get you? 313 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:41,741 Well, I thought-- Well, I guess I... 314 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:45,661 I thought that you were talking about us. 315 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,204 You and me. 316 00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,790 Well, I thought that you thought... 317 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,962 ...you were the ideal date for me and vice versa. 318 00:20:58,382 --> 00:20:59,550 Really? 319 00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:02,303 You thought that I, that we...? 320 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:06,474 Oh, I know. I'm embarrassed. I am so embarrassed. I... 321 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,144 Well, I understand. 322 00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:14,315 Poor Sam. 323 00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:16,567 Thank you so much, my God. 324 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,321 Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. What do you--? 325 00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,448 What do you mean, "Poor Sam"? 326 00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:26,660 I didn't realize you were carrying such a torch for me. 327 00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:32,374 No, I didn't say I was carrying a torch for you. 328 00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:35,336 I said I thought you were carrying a torch for me. 329 00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:38,839 I'm certainly not carrying a torch for you. 330 00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:41,884 Well, then I'm not carrying a torch for you. 331 00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:44,678 - I mean, my... - Fine. 332 00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:46,806 Did you...? 333 00:21:48,516 --> 00:21:49,475 Sam. 334 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:58,818 If you'll admit that you are carrying a little torch for me... 335 00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,906 ...I'll admit that I'm carrying a little one for you. 336 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:16,168 Well, I am carrying a little torch for you. 337 00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:20,297 Well, I'm not carrying one for you. 338 00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:25,928 Hey, well, then I'm not carrying one for you either. 339 00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:27,930 - You just said you were. - No, I said that 340 00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:30,391 only to get you to admit that you are, that's all. 341 00:22:30,724 --> 00:22:32,643 Sam, you're making a fool of yourself over this. 342 00:22:32,810 --> 00:22:35,145 Would you just admit that you're hung up on me, damn it? 343 00:22:35,312 --> 00:22:36,522 - I am not! - You are too! 344 00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:37,898 - I am not! - Just take a look-- 345 00:22:38,065 --> 00:22:41,193 Please, please. Do you think I'd behave like this in your home? 346 00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:46,407 Sorry. 347 00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:50,661 Well, we are being awfully childish about this. 348 00:22:50,828 --> 00:22:53,122 - Well, maybe. - Let's leave it at this, 349 00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:55,791 I'm rubber and you're glue. 350 00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:58,335 Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you. 351 00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:01,881 - You love me, you love me. - I do-- I do not! 352 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:06,886 - Do too, do too, do too, do too, do too. - Do not, do not, do not, do not, do not. 353 00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:12,933 That is the most embarrassing display I have ever seen. 354 00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:15,686 You're absolutely right, Cliff. 355 00:23:15,853 --> 00:23:18,480 Anybody can look at them and see she's crazy about him. 356 00:23:18,647 --> 00:23:20,983 Are you crazy? He's nuts about her. 357 00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:24,445 - Are you nuts? - He's told me this on many occasions. 358 00:23:24,612 --> 00:23:26,864 I don't want to hear it. No, no, no! 359 00:23:27,031 --> 00:23:29,533 Oh, for crying out loud!