1 00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:02,628 Here's a little-known fact, 2 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:05,047 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 3 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,681 So, Chuck, how's the job search going? 4 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,934 I got something, Sam, but I'm not too excited about it. 5 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:21,063 I'm a janitor at a biology lab where they do DNA experiments. 6 00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:23,440 You know, making mutant viruses and stuff. 7 00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,234 Well, that sounds like a pretty good job. 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,529 I don't know. It makes me nervous, all that weird stuff floating around. 9 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,489 Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's safe. 10 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:33,325 Yeah, absolutely. They take all the right precautions. 11 00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:34,451 Yeah, no problem. 12 00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:37,454 I guess you're right. Must be getting a little paranoid. 13 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,084 You know, I feel better already. 14 00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:44,336 - See you later. - Yeah, take care, Chuck. 15 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,461 Last week on Cheers. 16 00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:10,380 Interesting, interesting. 17 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,175 That was Sam's brother. 18 00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:15,093 He's on his way over. 19 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,553 He hates him. 20 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,472 The guy is better at everything than I am. 21 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:19,681 I mean, he's perfect. 22 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,934 - Nice voice. Who is that? - Guess. 23 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:26,438 Your brother is one good-looking guy. 24 00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:28,231 The guy did get me a job. 25 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:31,318 Norm. Come on, hurry up. He's gonna do some tap-dancing for us. 26 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,111 Your brother's teaching me Spanish. 27 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,155 You think Diane likes Derek? 28 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,574 I don't know, Sammy. I'll pass her a note in gym. 29 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:41,703 But he's just a man, like any other man you'd meet in Greek mythology. 30 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:48,543 Derek just wants to fly me out to Martha's Vineyard tonight. 31 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,172 In a plane or on his back? 32 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:58,136 Whatever you and my brother Derek wanna do is okay with me. 33 00:02:58,303 --> 00:02:59,554 I don't care. 34 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,848 - I'd rather stay with you. - What? 35 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:02,933 What did you say? 36 00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,103 I didn't hear anything. 37 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:12,192 Is Diane about to fall for Sam's brother? 38 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,194 Will Sam's heart be broken? 39 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:17,614 Will Norm find happiness in his new job? 40 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,159 Will Coach return to coaching in Venezuela? 41 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:25,789 Will Carl Yastrzemski please call Cheers and ask for the spitfire? 42 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,140 Well. Well, Coach, it's just clear 43 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,475 we've reached a philosophical impasse here. 44 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:49,521 You know, much like the question of the tree falling in the woods. 45 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:50,814 The what? 46 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,526 The tree falling in the woods. 47 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:59,072 The question is, if a tree falls in the woods 48 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,868 and if there's nobody there to hear it, does it make a sound? 49 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,872 Well, if there's nobody there, I mean, how do you know it fell? 50 00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:16,339 Well, Coach, we kind of... We assumed that it fell, you know. 51 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:17,799 Yeah, but you don't know. 52 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:20,761 All right, okay, Coach. I went into the woods yesterday 53 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,180 and saw the tree laying there on the ground. 54 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,974 Well, a bunch of beavers could have chewed at it 55 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,769 and then gently lowered it to the ground, Cliff. 56 00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:33,815 Well, you got me there on that one, Coach. How about another beer? 57 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:37,611 I'm telling you, you surprise me, Cliff. You're not prepared at all tonight. 58 00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:42,199 Yeah, well, I fell asleep while I was going over my notes 59 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:45,202 preparing for our conversation today, Coach. 60 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:46,870 You do that too? 61 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,964 Coach, where's Diane today? 62 00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,883 It's her day off. She must be out with Derek. 63 00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,593 She's been out with him every day. 64 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,137 You know, I am sick of hearing about her. 65 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:09,351 Ever since Lady Dye-Job arrived, she gets all the attention. 66 00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:11,353 I mean, nobody cares about me anymore. 67 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,481 Nobody asks what Carla's doing anymore. 68 00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:19,528 No, Carla, Carla, come on, now. Be fair. 69 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:22,823 You know, we weren't that interested in your life before she got here. 70 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,663 Well, Sam, thanks again. 71 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,290 Yeah, thank you for dropping me off. 72 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,084 You sure you can't come in for a drink? 73 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,837 I'd love to, but I'm in kind of a hurry. 74 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,048 Hey... 75 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,677 ...I'm sorry I shrieked the wrong name. 76 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,387 That's okay. 77 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:52,018 - Hi, everyone. - Hey, Sam. 78 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,272 Sammy, Sammy. Oh, my, my, Sammy. 79 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:58,108 Hey, Sammy, tell me true now, 80 00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:02,195 not only did that gorgeous-looking girl go out with you, she also drove? 81 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,239 No, she didn't drive. She carried me. 82 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,578 Hey, Sam, I'm proud of you. 83 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:11,788 You took my little wimp speech to heart there. 84 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:13,999 It's great to see you back in action again. 85 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:15,458 Yeah, I wanna thank you for that. 86 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:18,086 It took my mind off my brother and your skinny coworker. 87 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,921 I don't even care where they are anymore. 88 00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:22,507 Where are they? 89 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,761 Well, Bobby and Susie saw them at the drive-in 90 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,972 sharing a Cherry Coke and fries. 91 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,475 Afternoon, everybody. 92 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,185 - Hey. - Norm. 93 00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:35,645 How you doing, Norm? 94 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,607 Coach, I'm on top of the world, 95 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:41,359 which is a dismal spot in Greenland somewhere. 96 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,362 How's your new job coming, Norm? 97 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,114 - Don't bring that up. - Why? 98 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:49,826 I am no longer in the employ of Goldstein, Borman, and Kawakami. 99 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,036 - What happened? - What's...? 100 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,747 I discovered that so-called medical corporation 101 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,374 was a polite term for "den of thieves." 102 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,752 They're in the business of cheating on taxes. 103 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,922 Yeah, so you resigned in protest, huh, Norm? 104 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,215 Well, I took a long lunch and they canned me. 105 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:09,554 - The last angry man. - Damn right I'm angry, Sammy. 106 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,724 Those are rich people cheating on taxes. 107 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,309 And who has to foot the bill? 108 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:17,020 Honest folks, like me and you 109 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:21,274 and all you nice people here at the bar that I've listed as my dependents. 110 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,446 So where's Diane today? 111 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,198 She's not out with Derek again, is she? 112 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,326 I don't believe it. 113 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:36,623 Hey. Hey. Hey, what happened to all the interesting talk around here? 114 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:40,919 I mean, I used to enjoy coming in here and listening to a good conversation. 115 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:44,464 Now there's so much gossip, you should all have driers on your heads. 116 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,720 - I'm gonna be in the office. - Okay, Sam. 117 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:54,265 - So, what will you have? - I'll have a cup of tea. 118 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,309 - Tea. - And I'll have a small sherry. 119 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,978 - Okay. - Now... 120 00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,688 That sounds nice. 121 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:04,442 Sherry sounds very nice, and it is late afternoon. 122 00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,529 I think I'll have a glass of sherry too, please. 123 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,114 Two sherries. 124 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,992 Make that a glass of wine. 125 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,827 White wine. 126 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,161 Wine. 127 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,914 I haven't had a glass of wine in ages. 128 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,875 - Is your wine dry? - Yeah, it's okay. 129 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,128 - Then give me some wine too. - Two wines. 130 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:27,298 You know what sounds like fun to me all of a sudden? 131 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,426 - What? - A beer. 132 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,929 I haven't had a beer since I don't know when. 133 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:36,474 I used to have half a beer on a hot day. 134 00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:39,102 Well, it's quite cold out today. 135 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,605 Then put a shot of whiskey with it, and it's perfect. 136 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:47,110 Two boilermakers, Wild Turkey and Bud. 137 00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:54,409 - I'll run a tab. - Good. 138 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:01,750 What's wrong, Coach? 139 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,754 I didn't get the job in Venezuela. They hired another guy. 140 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,173 Oh, jeez. What's the matter? They didn't like your Spanish? 141 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:11,593 No, no, the Spanish was fine. They didn't like my English. 142 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,972 - Gee, that's too bad, Coach. - Sorry, Coach. 143 00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,349 Well, que so what, so what. 144 00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:26,191 Hello, everyone. 145 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,318 Hi, Diane. 146 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,737 What are you doing here? It's your day off. 147 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,574 I just felt like I needed to be in a place where I had a few friends today. 148 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:35,992 So that's your next stop? 149 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,539 Not today, Carla, please. 150 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,333 What can I get you, honey? 151 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,210 I'll have a soda water. 152 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,129 You know what, Coach? You never take a day off. 153 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,048 No, Thursday's my day off. 154 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,050 You work every Thursday. 155 00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,135 Yeah, but I go a little slower, you know? 156 00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:57,889 So tell me, how you doing? 157 00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,517 Not very well. 158 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,643 Well, what is it? 159 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:03,853 It's Derek. 160 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,772 Well, what about him? 161 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,610 He's flying to Paris today, and he wants me to go with him. 162 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,072 He's a charming man, Coach. 163 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,074 He's everything I've been looking for. 164 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,576 And I think he's interested in me too. 165 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,204 Gee, what a lousy break. 166 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:27,460 Wait a minute, wait a minute, Diane. I mean, maybe it's good. 167 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,671 - It is good. - I'll tell you why. 168 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:33,716 The second I looked at you and Derek, I said, "Now there goes a cute couple." 169 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:35,343 Yeah. 170 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,388 What about Sam? 171 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,766 Well, Sam and Derek are a little cuter, yeah. 172 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,229 Coach, let me ask you a question. 173 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,773 Yeah... Diane, you're asking a guy 174 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:51,151 who's taken a lot of fastballs in the head. 175 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,405 You sure you wanna ask the question? 176 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,283 Coach, do you think I'm a smart person? 177 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,743 You're the smartest person I ever met. 178 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:05,415 Well, I, Diane Chambers, bred and educated to walk with kings, 179 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,169 once offered a full scholarship at the Sorbonne, 180 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,004 have allowed myself to become attracted 181 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,882 to a 6'3" bubblegum card. 182 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,678 Well, gee, I think I can help you with the sore buns, Diane, but... 183 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,518 You know, the rest of what you say is all over my head. 184 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,272 Coach, I'm making a confession here. 185 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,316 Not just to you, but to myself. 186 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,652 Maybe I'll feel better after I say this. 187 00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:36,404 I... 188 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,033 - I... - I got it. I got it. 189 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,619 You're hot for Sam's chili. 190 00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,206 I think Keats would've said it differently... 191 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:49,667 ...but I'll accept that. 192 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,045 Look, Diane, if you like Sam at all, 193 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,589 I don't understand what the problem is here. 194 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,883 Derek's making a commitment. 195 00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:00,470 All I ever get from Sam is adolescent flirtation. 196 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,014 I'm not sticking around for that. 197 00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:06,559 If he'd give me something, anything, I'd stay. 198 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:10,188 Diane, Diane, you don't understand Sam. 199 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:14,359 Sam's the kind of a guy, you know, he keeps his feelings to himself. 200 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:19,405 I mean, the more he cares about something, the less he shows it. 201 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:23,076 I've been with him through his divorce, through his boozing, 202 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,870 through the end of his career, and let me tell you something, 203 00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:29,290 the tougher things got, I mean, the cooler he got. 204 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,834 You know something? It's a damn sure bet 205 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:35,672 that if he's not expressing himself to you, he's nuts about you. 206 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,383 Or he couldn't care less. 207 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,389 Diane, do you mind if I say something? 208 00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,140 Of course not, Norman. 209 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,560 Sometimes, a man and a woman 210 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,021 are so afraid of being vulnerable to rejection 211 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,148 that neither one of them will take the first step 212 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,067 of admitting their true feelings. 213 00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,237 Norman, that's beautiful. 214 00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:02,740 I do have a romantic side, Diane. 215 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,619 I know I make a lot of jokes about Vera... 216 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:11,207 ...but the truth is, if that woman ever packed her bags and left me... 217 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,043 ...I don't know what I'd do... 218 00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:15,461 ...first. 219 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:27,932 Well, I guess I have no choice but to force the issue. Where's Sam? 220 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,309 He's in the office, honey. 221 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,520 I'll tell him I'm going away with his brother and see what he does. 222 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,273 If, for the first time in his life, he's honest 223 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,651 and doesn't hide behind that tough jock façade, I'll stay. 224 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,363 But if he does one of his blithe, gratuitous jokes, I'm leaving. 225 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,490 - I swear it. - Whoa, wait a minute. 226 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,784 Whoa, Diane. Diane, hold on. 227 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:50,246 You're putting your whole future on the line in this one moment here. 228 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:53,499 You're letting your whole life turn on this one response. 229 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,126 In a way, you're right. 230 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,878 Can it wait till I go to the head? 231 00:13:58,504 --> 00:13:59,464 No. 232 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:01,341 I'll hear about it. 233 00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:06,095 Coach. Coach, what did you do that for? 234 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:09,265 I mean, that was our chance to get rid of her once and for all. 235 00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,933 Are you crazy? 236 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,393 Crazy, Carla? 237 00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:15,229 Crazy like a doorknob. 238 00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,280 Hi, Diane. 239 00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,158 Sam, your brother Derek has asked me 240 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:30,328 to go to Europe with him, so I've come to say goodbye. 241 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,372 Damn it. 242 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,750 - I didn't need to hear that. - What? What's wrong? 243 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:40,088 Well, it's too late to put a help want ad in tomorrow's paper. 244 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,513 Goodbye, everyone. 245 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,599 I'm leaving now. 246 00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,476 I'll miss you all very much. 247 00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,645 - Bye, Diane. - Bye. 248 00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,064 Bye-bye. 249 00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,907 Sorry, honey, I'm not interviewing till Monday. 250 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:10,743 Get this straight. I'm going away with him. 251 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:11,994 Good. Have fun. 252 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,747 This could lead to marriage, you know. Probably will. 253 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:15,915 - Oh? - Probably, nothing. 254 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,917 - Will lead to marriage. - Great. 255 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,919 We'll be Diane and Derek Malone. 256 00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,213 We'll buy a spread somewhere and call it "The Double D." 257 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,425 It'll make a nice brand. 258 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:29,178 Children. We'll have blond, blue-eyed children everywhere. 259 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,888 Have them brush after every meal. 260 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,641 I'll be your sister-in-law. You'll come over for dinner and say, 261 00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:36,144 "She sets a good table, and she keeps herself up." 262 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,104 I had to say something. You just fed me. 263 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:44,318 I'll send Christmas cards every year. "To a wonderful brother at Christmas." 264 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,779 It'll be nice to be remembered on the holidays. 265 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,531 The cards will have pictures of us. 266 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,950 Derek and I, the kids, the dogs. 267 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,660 The blond ones will be the kids? 268 00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,915 - This is all right with you? - If you're happy. 269 00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,084 I'm ecstatic. Goodbye. 270 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:03,045 See you at the wedding. Do I get to kiss the bride? 271 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,006 I think you know what you can kiss. 272 00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:13,473 This is it, everyone. I bid you a fond farewell. 273 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:16,100 I've enjoyed knowing all of you. You've brought a lot to my life. 274 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,561 - Bye, Diane. - Bye, Diane. 275 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,237 Goodbye, everyone. 276 00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,823 - Bye. - Bye. 277 00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,621 - Farewell. - Would you get the hell out of here. 278 00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,250 I won't let it end this way. 279 00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:46,881 I've had warts that went away quicker. 280 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:54,722 What did I hit? 281 00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,933 My nose. You're supposed to knock. 282 00:16:58,059 --> 00:17:00,144 You were coming out to say something to me, weren't you? 283 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,147 - What is it? - I wasn't gonna say anything. 284 00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:04,982 Yes, you were. What was it? 285 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,275 Go to the airport. 286 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,568 - Say it! - No. 287 00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:08,986 All right. 288 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,865 - Bye, Diane. - Bye. 289 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,751 The blackboard from the poolroom. What are you doing with that? 290 00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,753 Say what you were gonna say, or you'll be sorry. 291 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,505 Don't do that. I hate that. 292 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,006 Don't, don't, don't. 293 00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:33,678 - Sing. - No, don't. I hate that. Please stop. 294 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:35,638 Would you just stop? Put that down, please. 295 00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:37,974 Just put it... No! All right, all right, all right. 296 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,642 Please don't go. 297 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,562 - Ask me nice. - Come on, would you? 298 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,313 I mean it. I deserve that much. 299 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,400 - Ask me nice. - All right, all right. Just put it down. 300 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,110 Put the blackboard down. 301 00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:51,779 Put it down. 302 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,743 Please stay. 303 00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,913 - Why should I? - Go on. Get out. 304 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,373 Get out. Go on. 305 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,208 I'm not sticking around here just on the hope 306 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,502 that maybe something will happen between us. 307 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,588 What is it you want from me? 308 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,715 I want you to tell me what you want. 309 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,259 I'll tell you what I want. I'll tell you exactly what I want. 310 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,594 I wanna know what you want. 311 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,471 You're doing it again. 312 00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,515 Listen, look... 313 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:24,228 Will you just explain one thing to me? It is very important to me. 314 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,398 Why aren't you with Derek? 315 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,609 Because I like you better. 316 00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:37,158 Diane, listen, all the jealousy I felt for my brother over the years... 317 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:42,163 ...is nothing to what I've felt these last five minutes. 318 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:46,917 Sam. 319 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,673 I think we're about ready to start something that might be kind of great. 320 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,259 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 321 00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:57,637 Maybe we should... 322 00:18:58,429 --> 00:18:59,555 ...kiss or something. 323 00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,682 Well, no, we're not gonna just kiss. 324 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:06,103 We're about to start something. 325 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,773 I mean, a kiss is where you start, isn't it? 326 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,858 You don't make an announcement when you're about ready 327 00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,360 to kiss someone romantically. 328 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:13,903 No, it wasn't an announcement. 329 00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:16,447 I just didn't want to catch you off-guard. That's all. 330 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,824 On our first kiss, it's okay to be off-guard. 331 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,826 You should be swept away. 332 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,912 Well, I was. I was. 333 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,831 Nobody's swept away when they have the presence of mind 334 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,459 - to say, "Maybe we should kiss." - All right, all right. 335 00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:33,339 You're right. You're right. 336 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,760 All right, when I do it, I won't say anything. 337 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,263 No, no, this isn't right either. 338 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,768 Hey, I didn't say anything. 339 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,103 I was swept away. 340 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,897 Sam, let's face it. The moment's not right. 341 00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,608 We're too aware of what we're doing. 342 00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:54,694 All right. All right, you're right. You're right. 343 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,821 This whole thing is not going the way it should. 344 00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:59,365 Maybe we should just forget about the kiss and hit the sack. 345 00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:06,414 This is the dumbest conversation we have ever had, 346 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:09,583 which means it's the dumbest conversation that's ever been. 347 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,170 Maybe this whole thing is just a mistake. 348 00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:17,049 - What whole thing? - This whole thing we're trying to do. 349 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,760 Every time we try to get together, something goes wrong. 350 00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:23,639 Just because I'm a neat-looking guy and you're hungry at the moment, 351 00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:25,307 - doesn't mean that... - Hungry? 352 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,184 No. No, don't. Don't. Don't, no, no. Listen. 353 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:30,563 Listen, what I mean by that is... You've been here a long time. 354 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,398 Now, if something were gonna naturally happen, 355 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:36,026 it would have happened by now. It's silly of us to try to make it happen. 356 00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:37,695 Oh, fine. 357 00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,406 You tell me this now that I've let Derek go. 358 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:44,034 No, don't throw Derek in my face. Now, you never cared for Derek. 359 00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:45,369 You just used him to trap me. 360 00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:47,246 - Trap you? - Yeah, that's right. 361 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,248 I'm the best thing that could've happened to you, 362 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,208 and you're too stupid to realize it! 363 00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:52,209 Are you kidding me? 364 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,669 You are the worst thing that happened to me. 365 00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,838 Before you came here, I was a happy man! 366 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,175 You believe you were happier before you met me than you are now? 367 00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:00,342 Hell, yes! 368 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,386 How do you think it feels 369 00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:04,764 to be attracted to someone that makes you sick? 370 00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:14,690 I could write a book on the subject. 371 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:17,735 You can't shut up long enough to write a check. 372 00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:19,695 As a matter of fact, you can't shut up at all. 373 00:21:19,862 --> 00:21:22,156 - You're trying to change the subject. - No, I'm not. No. 374 00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:24,617 The subject is you can't shut up long enough to kiss me. 375 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:28,996 You know, to save your life, I bet you couldn't shut up for 30 seconds. 376 00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:31,957 - Make it ten. - I most certainly could. 377 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,375 All right, let's see. 378 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:36,837 - You're going to time me? - That's right. I'm gonna time you. 379 00:21:37,004 --> 00:21:39,340 Ten seconds, starting... now. 380 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:41,300 - This is the most moronic... - You wanna try again? 381 00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:46,013 I wasn't really trying. You wanna see me do this? 382 00:21:46,180 --> 00:21:48,516 All right, fine, starting... now. 383 00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:52,353 - This is the craziest thing... - Good. Really good. 384 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,979 All right, so I can't do it. 385 00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:56,190 Silence is overrated anyway. 386 00:21:58,067 --> 00:22:00,569 - At least I have something to say. - Meaning I don't? 387 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,446 The last conversation I had with Derek... 388 00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:07,159 ...was about walking on the moors like Heathcliff and Catherine, 389 00:22:07,952 --> 00:22:09,829 and I threw it all away for this. 390 00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,331 Good. I'll tell you what you do. I'll tell you what you do. 391 00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:16,418 Will you get out of here? Go on. 392 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:21,006 Take her with you. Go on. 393 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:28,514 Don't push me. 394 00:22:29,139 --> 00:22:31,016 Why don't you just go find Derek. 395 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:33,561 - Fine. - Shouldn't be too hard to find him. 396 00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:35,938 - Just follow the sound of applause. - Maybe I will. 397 00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:37,940 - Maybe I can still catch him. - Fine. 398 00:22:38,107 --> 00:22:40,943 And while you're up there floating around, remember the day I said this, 399 00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:46,198 You are the nuttiest, the stupidest, the phoniest fruitcake I ever met. 400 00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:48,742 You, Sam Malone, are the most arrogant, self-centered son... 401 00:22:48,909 --> 00:22:51,203 Shut up! Shut your fat mouth. 402 00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,122 - Make me. - Make you? 403 00:22:53,289 --> 00:22:56,667 My God, I'm gonna bounce you off every wall in this office! 404 00:22:57,501 --> 00:22:59,795 Try it and you'll be walking funny tomorrow. 405 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:04,717 Or should I say funnier? 406 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:08,721 You know... You know, I always wanted to pop you one. 407 00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,764 Maybe this is my lucky day. 408 00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:13,309 You disgust me. I hate you. 409 00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:15,185 - Are you as turned on as I am? - More. 410 00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:16,312 Bet me. 411 00:23:20,608 --> 00:23:22,234 Now I'm gonna nibble on your ear. 412 00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:25,738 Don't tell me you're going to nibble on my ear.