1
00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:04,796
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:06,798
I got it. Yeah, thank you, Vic.
3
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:11,428
Table ready upstairs
at Melville's for the Anderson party.
4
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,598
Table ready for the Anderson party.
5
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,392
- Your name is Anderson?
- Yeah.
6
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,980
I guess there must be two Anderson
parties. What's the first name?
7
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:23,482
Ernie, but they call me Coach.
8
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:27,236
Coach, there are
two Anderson parties here.
9
00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:31,073
Would you call upstairs and find out
which Anderson party gets the table?
10
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:32,783
Good idea.
11
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:38,080
Vic, we got a little problem down here.
There are two Anderson parties.
12
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:42,167
Now, which one is it?
Oh, thanks, thanks, Vic.
13
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,669
Thanks. I got it, Vic.
14
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,380
I'm sorry, folks, I was wrong.
15
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:50,008
It's not for the Andersons.
It's for the Blubberbutts.
16
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:56,431
Table ready for the Blubberbutts!
Table ready for the Blubberbutts!
17
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:12,799
Dylan Thomas, Delmore Schwartz,
Fitzgerald, Faulkner,
18
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:15,052
they all virtually drank
themselves to death,
19
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,845
gone before their time.
20
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:19,389
So can I get you another round?
21
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:25,646
Diane's mouth
has sprung a leak again.
22
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,147
- Excuse me?
- Yeah.
23
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:29,107
We have to leave.
Could we get our waitress now?
24
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:30,859
Sure.
25
00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:34,655
Here's my theory on the relationship
between alcohol and genius.
26
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,240
Writing is a very lonely profession.
You know--
27
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,785
Excuse me a moment.
28
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:43,080
Carla! Carla! Please, please, Carla.
29
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,831
Here you go.
30
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,378
- Could we get our check, please?
- Certainly.
31
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,882
Carla, I've told you before,
keep your hands off Diane.
32
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:55,634
I will if you will.
33
00:02:58,845 --> 00:02:59,930
Carla...
34
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:04,685
...I have two things to say to you.
First, don't you ever do anything like that
35
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:07,896
to me again, or you will regret it
for the rest of your miserable little life.
36
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:11,108
And second, would this be a bad time
to ask you for a favor?
37
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,695
For you, there's no good time.
38
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:18,949
Well, then, I would greatly appreciate it
if you would switch schedules with me
39
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,618
so that I could have next Tuesday off.
40
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:22,869
No.
41
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:28,709
Carla, Oriana Fallaci
is giving a speech at Harvard.
42
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:32,671
Now, come on, please.
You've gotta change with me.
43
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,882
Yeah, I don't have to do nothing.
Before I do a favor for you,
44
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,052
I would rather be dragged
around town by my tongue.
45
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,432
Well, since you don't feel
strongly about it,
46
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:46,476
maybe Sam would like to decide for us.
47
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:50,605
I'd rather flip a coin.
At least that way I'd have a chance.
48
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,399
What is that supposed to mean,
please?
49
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:55,360
It means that ever since
you two started...
50
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:57,696
You know.
51
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,450
She gets away with things
the rest of us wouldn't.
52
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,745
- I beg your pardon.
- Carla, maybe you're right.
53
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,621
Maybe I have been too easy on her.
54
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:10,625
I'll take her in the backroom
and teach her some obedience.
55
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:20,177
I got no feelings about what you two
do in private.
56
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:24,931
No matter how disgusting,
sickening and putrid it is.
57
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,059
I just don't think the rest of us
should suffer for it.
58
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:31,772
Carla, all I asked you to do
was switch nights off with me,
59
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:35,275
- and you turn it into a verbal lynching.
- Yeah, what's the big deal?
60
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:39,404
- Changing one night with her?
- There you go again, taking her side.
61
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,826
Okay, all right, all right.
62
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:49,206
Diane, work Tuesday night, and let's
just forget this whole thing, will you?
63
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:54,544
Sam, you obviously don't realize
how important this speech is to me.
64
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:57,881
It's only one night, Carla.
65
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,052
Hey, Diane, I think if you...
66
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:06,807
Carla, come on--
Does anyone wanna buy a bar?
67
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,559
All right, Sam, relax.
68
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,103
It's not fair to put you through this.
69
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:15,065
Carla, I've changed my mind.
You don't have to switch with me.
70
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:16,733
- Good, good.
- Okay?
71
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,778
I've just come
to a very important decision.
72
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,530
Well, good for you.
73
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,951
- Evening, everybody.
- Norm!
74
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:28,912
- Norman.
- Would you like a beer, Norm?
75
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:32,582
I'd like to see something
in a size 54, sudsy.
76
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,751
So how's life
treating you there, Norm?
77
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,547
- The same.
- That's too bad, Norm.
78
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,842
- If not worse.
- What's wrong, Normie?
79
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,719
Nothing.
Just a little personal problem.
80
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,680
If it's anything
you wanna talk about...
81
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,475
No, I thought I'd kind of sit here
and let it gnaw at my gut for a while.
82
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:53,395
Now, now, Normie, now,
come on, you're among friends here.
83
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:56,064
Hey, if you can't talk to us,
who can you talk to?
84
00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,733
- That's right.
- Not Vera, that's for sure.
85
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,611
She and I have split.
86
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,239
- I'm sorry, man.
- What happened, Norm?
87
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:08,118
- What caused it?
- She said we no longer communicate,
88
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:12,414
that I never listen to her,
a bunch of other stuff. Yak, yak, yak.
89
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:17,961
Well, cheer up, Norm, maybe
this will be good for you somehow.
90
00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:20,338
- Yeah?
- Yeah, absolutely. Look at it this way.
91
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:24,593
- You are a free man now, Norm.
- Yeah, carefree bachelor.
92
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,763
- Yeah, I do-- I have a pad now.
- Hey, where is it? Great.
93
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,807
You know that big, beautiful
building down by the waterfront?
94
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,893
- Holy mackerel!
- You take a left there,
95
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:36,021
you drive for about a half an hour.
Don't come at night.
96
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:39,107
No, I think this is gonna be
a whole new way of life for you.
97
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,651
You just gotta get up
and around a little bit, you know.
98
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,447
- I don't know.
- Come on, man. Come on.
99
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,991
- What are you waiting for?
- Come on, Norm.
100
00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:50,660
All right, all right.
All right, I'm gonna do it.
101
00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:55,582
Norman, Norman, Norman!
102
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:01,004
Stand back, I'm on the prowl.
103
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,807
Slow up.
104
00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,479
Come on, man.
105
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:27,155
- That was awfully quick there, Norm.
- They know where to find me.
106
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:30,992
- Sam?
- Yeah.
107
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,953
- Read this.
- What is it?
108
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,704
- My resignation.
- Your what?
109
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:35,956
Read it. Read it.
110
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,417
"Dear Sam...
111
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:46,216
...although my tenure here has been
one of value and enlightenment, still..."
112
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:49,052
Il faut cultiver notre jardin.
113
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:56,101
Come on! First of all,
nobody resigns from a bar.
114
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:59,145
And second of all,
nobody resigns in Latin.
115
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,401
- It's French, Sammy.
- What does it mean, Cliff?
116
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,112
Well, because of the
idiomatic peculiarities,
117
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,698
it can't really be translated
into English.
118
00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:14,411
"One must cultivate
one's own garden."
119
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:19,207
Diane, you took some liberties
with the derogatory tense there,
120
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:23,378
but I think we'll let it slide
this time, huh?
121
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,339
Hey, what the hell's this about?
122
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,509
Is this because I didn't take your side
against Carla?
123
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:33,096
No, Sam, the problem with Carla
is only a symptom.
124
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:37,017
You see, it's abundantly clear to me
125
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:40,020
that our working together
is making our lives miserable,
126
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,730
and it can only get worse.
127
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:45,567
Diane, you just can't leave like that.
We should have a party, you know.
128
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:50,739
Some booze, a lot of pretzels, some
munchies, get a lot of people together.
129
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,158
Coach, you mean, kind of like this?
130
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,786
Well, I guess that's goodbye, Diane.
131
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,666
Sam, come on,
you don't need me tonight.
132
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,209
I wanna go home and start planning.
133
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:08,256
Carla, what's the matter, sweetheart?
You all right?
134
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:11,843
Well, don't you see?
135
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,973
My life hasn't exactly been
a bag of roses, you know.
136
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:24,314
My old man used to beat me.
I spent half my childhood in reform school.
137
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:29,444
My husband was a rat who left me
with four hungry mouths to feed.
138
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:34,532
But this makes up for all that.
139
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,413
I am the happiest woman alive.
140
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,750
I'm sorry. I think this is a mistake.
141
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,628
I mean, it's a tough town
out there, Diane. Norm, am I right?
142
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:50,006
Most employers wouldn't spit on you
if your hair was on fire.
143
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:55,845
But you'll make it, kid.
I know you will. You've got moxie.
144
00:09:56,012 --> 00:10:00,934
I know. I know. You all think
I'm nothing but a hothouse orchid,
145
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:04,312
unequipped to survive
in anything but a rarified atmosphere.
146
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:07,357
Well, I'll have you know,
there's weed in me.
147
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,987
What a farewell speech.
It went on exactly the right length.
148
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:15,532
Any more would have been too much
of a good thing.
149
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,495
Hey, you're really gonna do this,
aren't you?
150
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:24,833
Sam, I'm doing this for us.
151
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,543
- Really?
- Yes.
152
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,419
Now, don't you wanna spend
your nights
153
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:34,050
with a woman who's fulfilled,
independent, self-actualized?
154
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,719
I suppose it's worth a shot.
You got her number?
155
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,778
- Hello, everyone.
- Oh, hi, Diane.
156
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:57,574
- Hey.
- I have wonderful news. I've got a job.
157
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,660
Write us about it.
158
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,996
- Good for you.
- Yeah.
159
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,332
Well, I know you all thought
I was a social misfit,
160
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:08,001
unable to function on the streets.
161
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:11,588
Well, I not only got a job,
I got a great job.
162
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:14,382
Yeah, I'm a proofreader
for a small publishing house.
163
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:18,261
- Isn't that perfect for me?
- Oh, yeah, I'm proud of you.
164
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:22,056
Well, it's been two weeks of hell,
but I did it.
165
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,851
So, what's going on here, Norm?
You been looking for months,
166
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,854
and Diane goes out there,
snags a job in a couple of weeks.
167
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,023
It's easier for girls.
168
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:33,276
I'll tell you, if God had made me a woman,
I'd never be out of work.
169
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,030
Well, yeah, as long
as there are carnivals.
170
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,870
Hey, Diane.
171
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,498
You know, I was skeptical
about you finding something.
172
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:52,587
But I guess it won't kill me
to come out and say...
173
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,716
- ...congratulations.
- Oh, thank you, Carla.
174
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:06,184
Carla, get up, will you?
175
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,858
So when do you start?
176
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,654
- Well, I'm not sure yet.
- How come?
177
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:24,077
Well, the job isn't exactly, officially,
technically, completely, finally definite.
178
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:26,746
- You don't have the job?
- No, I've got the job.
179
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,915
You mean I poured out my heart
for nothing?
180
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,375
I-- I--
181
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,420
Carla, Carla, I have the job.
I have the job.
182
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:43,263
It's just that there's one small formality
that has to be taken care of.
183
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:44,806
And that's what?
184
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:49,185
Well, Mr. Hedges said he wanted a
reference from my previous employer.
185
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,937
He's gonna call you tonight.
186
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,439
And you're going to say
some wonderful things
187
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,608
about me, aren't you, Sam?
188
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,820
Sam, we're gonna need
more red wine here.
189
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:01,948
Okay. I will tell him that you
are the best cocktail waitress
190
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,950
I've ever seen in my entire life.
191
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,996
And then I'll tell him that I'd like to sell
him some land in Florida that I own.
192
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,665
No kidding? Where is it?
We might be neighbors.
193
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:17,130
I wonder what Vera's doing tonight.
194
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:21,050
Yeah, by the way, Normie,
how did you and Vera meet anyway?
195
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:24,012
Didn't I tell you this, Coach?
We were in high school together.
196
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:25,346
We were?
197
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:29,142
- Not you and I. Vera and I.
- Oh, good.
198
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,647
Yeah, she was a cute little thing
back then.
199
00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,316
Boy, could she give a hickey.
200
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,028
Famous all over the Midwest for it.
201
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:42,989
She gave me one the night
of the senior prom.
202
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,074
It lasted till a year ago, Christmas.
203
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,831
Hey, give her a call there,
big fella, huh?
204
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:53,875
I don't think so.
205
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,003
- Normie?
- Well, yeah.
206
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,880
I probably should just see
how she's doing.
207
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,007
Well, then, here, Normie.
Save a dime. Wait.
208
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,550
Thanks, Coach.
209
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,597
Are you lonesome tonight?
210
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,017
Do you miss me tonight?
211
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,269
Vera? It's Norm.
212
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,022
How are you doing?
213
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:19,442
- Great, great.
- Does your memory fade
214
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:23,029
- So, what are you up to?
- With a bright summer day?
215
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,365
You have a date?
216
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:30,870
Yes, I'm hurt.
I know it's been two weeks, but...
217
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:35,124
You know, it so happens
I have a date myself.
218
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,584
Yeah, I've been getting around.
219
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,046
- You don't believe me?
- Hey, hey.
220
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,173
She's right here.
You can talk to her yourself.
221
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,469
Hello?
222
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:53,351
Mrs. Peterson, thank you
for letting Normie go.
223
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,353
He's such an animal.
224
00:14:56,854 --> 00:15:00,400
I've never known a man
who can thrill me the way he does.
225
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,611
He touches me, and I'm a woman.
226
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:08,658
A total, quivering woman.
227
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:13,579
All right. Thanks, Carla.
228
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,708
Say, Carla, you wanna...?
229
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,256
You wanna maybe, like, get some
coffee or something?
230
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,465
Get real.
231
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,471
Yeah, Cheers.
232
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,975
Yeah, he's in the back.
Who can I say is calling?
233
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,686
- Hedges?
- Oh, Coach, that's my boss.
234
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,522
You the Ducky Hedges
who owes me 50 bucks?
235
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:44,026
Sure, anybody can say
they're not Ducky Hedges!
236
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,653
No, Coach!
237
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,905
What was the color
of Red Wilson's hair?
238
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,324
Ducky!
239
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:56,539
You bet I'm an idiot for ever loaning
you 50 bucks! You no-good chiseler!
240
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,625
I loaned you that money, and you would
think I was gonna forget about it.
241
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:02,128
- Coach.
- Well, I fooled you! I remembered it!
242
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,005
Coach, Coach, come on,
come on, let me have it.
243
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,632
Give it back when you're through.
244
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:11,345
Hello? Yeah, this is Sam Malone.
245
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,764
No, I've been expecting your call.
246
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,808
You probably wanna know all about
Diane Chambers, right?
247
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:17,852
Well, I can make this real simple.
248
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:22,148
She's brilliant, she's competent,
she's efficient,
249
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,859
and I recommend her completely.
250
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:27,945
What's that?
251
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,072
Man-to-man?
Yeah, what do you wanna know?
252
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:33,367
I don't think I wanna answer
that question.
253
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,705
- No, I don't think I wanna answer it.
- Answer it!
254
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,833
Yeah, I've seen her naked.
255
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,638
Hello, Mr. Hedges,
this is Diane Chambers.
256
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,557
You are the most rotten,
disgusting pig.
257
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:59,560
I wouldn't work for you if it was--
How much?
258
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,355
Does that include medical?
259
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:07,276
What am I saying? I wouldn't take your
job if it were the last one in Boston!
260
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:12,365
- Told him, Diane.
- I can kiss that 50 bucks goodbye.
261
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:17,370
He was only interested in my body.
262
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:22,375
You know, sometimes
I'm just ashamed to be a guy.
263
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:26,963
But if I made the switch now,
I'd have to buy a whole new wardrobe.
264
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:32,718
Men are beginning to really disgust me.
Even more than before.
265
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:36,514
Hey, come on, lighten up here.
One rotten apple doesn't--
266
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:40,393
No, no, no, not one.
We're talking orchards here.
267
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:47,400
The few scant offers I've had for a job
have all had sexual strings attached.
268
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:50,236
It just makes me crazy to think
of those guys
269
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,321
treating my squeeze
like a sex object!
270
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:56,659
Here, here.
271
00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:01,664
Well, I guess I'm not going to get
any purely professional offers.
272
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,917
Listen, listen, why don't you
just come back here to the bar?
273
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,087
This is where you belong.
This is where your people are,
274
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,839
where your friends are...
275
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,425
...where your big guy are.
276
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:16,095
- Where my heart are.
- Yeah.
277
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:19,307
Hey, guys,
I think she's coming back.
278
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,566
Hey, why don't you let me go
get my coat.
279
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,653
And then we'll go over to my place...
280
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,116
...and we'll celebrate
your homecoming.
281
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,369
- Great.
- You may need this.
282
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,392
Sam? I was just thinking--
283
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:07,313
Oh, yeah? I tried that once.
Never cared for it. Come on, let's go.
284
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:12,276
- Sam!
- Nice, huh?
285
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:17,531
Why did you re-hire me just now?
286
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,035
I hired you because
you're the best combination
287
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:24,747
girlfriend-waitress in the city.
And you stink as a waitress.
288
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,833
- Exactly what I thought!
- What?
289
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:31,128
You hired me for sexual purposes.
290
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:34,256
Just like that swine Mr. Hedges
wanted to do.
291
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:37,468
Oh, come on!
It's completely different.
292
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,680
How is it completely different?
293
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:43,516
Well, it...
294
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:48,813
All right, all right, for instance,
you're nuts about me.
295
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:56,153
Yes, but who knows? In time,
I may have become nuts about him.
296
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,489
Well, we had a few things in common.
297
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,450
We both found me adorable.
298
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,412
- This is serious here!
- All right.
299
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,748
Now, how can I come back here
knowing that you think of me
300
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:11,127
as nothing but your...handmaiden?
301
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:18,718
You know, Diane,
it gets me the way you women
302
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:22,221
are always talking about sex
on the job.
303
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,390
As if you were the only victims.
304
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,184
What about me?
305
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,772
- What about you?
- You telling me you took this job
306
00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,774
because you wanted to be
a waitress?
307
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:39,071
Absolutely not.
I had a burning desire to discover
308
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:43,325
and explore this vein
of American culture.
309
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:46,454
Bull! You had a burning desire
to discover
310
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:49,248
and explore Mount Sammy here.
311
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,171
- What are you saying?
- I'm saying you took this job
312
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,631
because I was here.
You had sex on your mind too.
313
00:20:57,798 --> 00:20:59,717
That's not true.
314
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:02,762
Not entirely true.
315
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:07,641
Yeah, well, how do you think
it makes me feel to know
316
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,686
that the first time you saw me
you undressed me with your eyes?
317
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:16,984
Do you have no regard for my dignity
as a man, as an employer?
318
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:19,904
I was just a challenge to you,
another notch on your belt.
319
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,281
Well, let me tell you something,
Miss Chambers, I'm a person.
320
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:23,824
I have dignity too, you know.
321
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:28,954
You know, I know you have
no regard for this job.
322
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,957
And you continually tell me that I
have the brain of a cucumber.
323
00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:34,919
So, what's left? The only thing
that's left is that you want
324
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:39,673
your physical lust satisfied.
And that's where I come in.
325
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:47,765
Well, there's only one thing to do.
326
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:51,477
I know. I know.
I'll undress and do my duty.
327
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,354
No, no, don't.
328
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:56,982
No, you've shown me the light.
329
00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:58,734
I've been a cad.
330
00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:04,782
Okay, I propose that you and I abstain
331
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:08,160
from any sort of physical contact
for a period of one month.
332
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:10,287
Strictly business for one month.
333
00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:14,458
I think that's the only way that each
of us can regain our self-respect.
334
00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:19,505
I think that's a very good idea.
It would help me out a lot.
335
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:24,176
Fine. One month it is, Mr. Malone.
336
00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:25,469
Miss Chambers.
337
00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:30,057
There is just one more thing.
338
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:32,059
I think...
339
00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:33,936
Please, have a seat.
340
00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:37,982
I think that my self-respect
bounces back
341
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:40,109
just a little quicker than you expect.
342
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:46,323
I think two weeks of strictly business,
343
00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:48,325
and I'd be back in peak shape.
344
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:52,246
Maybe, if I concentrate, one week.
345
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:55,541
Well, I believe
that my recuperative powers
346
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,626
are even greater than yours.
347
00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:00,129
A day would be fine with me.
348
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:03,215
I think the important thing
here is we both know
349
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:04,967
in our minds that we could stop.
350
00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:13,475
I think that an hour
would certainly prove that.
351
00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:18,272
Well, from that argument, it follows
that 15 minutes would be adequate.
352
00:23:19,523 --> 00:23:21,483
I believe that's just enough
time to get back to my place.
353
00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:22,860
Let's hurry.