1
00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:04,880
Cheers <i>is filmed
before a live studio audience.</i>

2
00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:13,847
Oh, hi.

3
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,058
I know you're surprised to see me...

4
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:21,688
...but let me tell you, it's taken
every ounce of courage I have

5
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,357
to show my face in here today.

6
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,818
Oh, come on, we get a lot of
funny-looking faces in here.

7
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,406
You don't remember me, do you?

8
00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:34,243
I'm Professor Sumner Sloane.

9
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:38,205
I came in several months ago
with Diane Chambers.

10
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:43,085
And to my shame, I deserted her
here to go back to my ex-wife.

11
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:44,628
What can I get for you?

12
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,257
- I'll have a glass of white wine.
- White wine.

13
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,759
Over dinner last night,
a mutual friend of ours

14
00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,844
informed me that Diane works here.

15
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,596
Is that correct?

16
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,723
Gee, I don't know.
I wasn't at the dinner.

17
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,106
You slime.

18
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:08,277
You are a total scuzzball.

19
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,946
You're not fit to live with sewer rats.

20
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,073
I can't defend myself.

21
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:15,200
Thank God.
I thought she was talking to me.

22
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,776
- Afternoon, everybody.
- Norm!

23
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,402
Fenway's seen the last of me.

24
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,197
Hey, I thought you guys
were at the baseball game.

25
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:36,865
We left in outrage.

26
00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:40,369
They gave us a hard time.
Asked us to change our seats.

27
00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:42,204
Why'd they ask you
to change your seats?

28
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,914
Oh, get this.
We're out in center field,

29
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:46,208
- take off our shirts to get some sun.
- Yeah.

30
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:49,086
They said the glare off Norm
was blinding the batters.

31
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,923
Can I help it if I have alabaster skin?

32
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:56,718
It's all right, Norm.
Baseball should be played at night anyway.

33
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,098
Don't say anything.

34
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,485
I killed him.

35
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,739
There's only one thing
that can save me.

36
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:24,496
I kinda miss the good old days, when they
threw up at the sight of each other.

37
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,418
Hello, everyone.

38
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,044
Hey, guys, what's happening?

39
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:34,172
There's someone waiting
to see Diane in the men's room.

40
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:40,345
Coach, sometimes you get
your participles in the wrong place.

41
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,806
Yeah, well, I slept
on my stomach last night.

42
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,561
He's right, slats,
you do have company.

43
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:54,192
Diane, please!
He's very sensitive about his face.

44
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,490
You said you'd be right back.

45
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,618
That was a year ago.

46
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,496
Well, you know the traffic in Boston.

47
00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:09,875
Diane, I need to talk to you.

48
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,419
You have every right to say no,

49
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:16,423
but you've always been one to listen
to another person's point of view.

50
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:23,221
Sam, may Sumner and I
use your office for a few minutes?

51
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:25,599
Of course.

52
00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:29,060
<i>Ici.</i>

53
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:37,736
Don't worry about it, Sam.

54
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,864
- I'm not worried.
- There's no reason to be.

55
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,241
You and Diane
have a great thing going.

56
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,661
Any girl who'd choose what's-his-name
over you would have to be crazy.

57
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:47,913
- Here, here.
- Right, Norm.

58
00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,706
- You betcha.
- Think he's got her undressed yet?

59
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,793
Joking, joking.

60
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:54,711
Before you go on,

61
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,881
let me say first
that I've gotten over you.

62
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,635
So I hope for your sake you didn't
come here to try to get me back.

63
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:02,928
I didn't.

64
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,974
- Good.
- I'm still with Barbara.

65
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:11,311
But I want desperately to win you back
as a friend, Diane.

66
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:15,148
I haven't been able to live with the thought
of someone in the world hating me.

67
00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:16,691
I don't hate you, Sumner.

68
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,694
I can't even stand the thought that
someone in the world thinks I'm a...

69
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,196
A creep?

70
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,615
Well, you might have to live
with that one.

71
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,076
My God!

72
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,995
Even a trace of your laughter
lights up a room.

73
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:33,500
Well, there are things about you
that I've missed too.

74
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,627
Sumner, let's cut the crap.

75
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,463
"Cut the crap"?

76
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,966
What have they done to you
in this place?

77
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:45,262
Do you wanna be forgiven?
You're forgiven.

78
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,181
Thank you, Diane.

79
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,809
Far more than I deserve.

80
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:56,481
Now, why don't we both
just go about our lives.

81
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:02,237
Well, I do have to be running along.
I have a class shortly.

82
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,117
Dare I think this thought?

83
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:09,786
What?

84
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:13,748
Let's have a dinner together,
the three of us.

85
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,376
I want you to know Barbara.

86
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,463
Oh, I don't want to know Barbara.

87
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,174
If you want to understand me
and what I did to you,

88
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,885
you must know Barbara.

89
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,096
I'd feel very uncomfortable.

90
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:29,681
Oh, you wouldn't, Diane.

91
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,558
You two are sisters of the soul.

92
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,768
You have so much to share.

93
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:38,899
Please, Diane, do it for me.

94
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:42,152
For what was once
and always will be ours.

95
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,989
- All right.
- Splendid!

96
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:52,120
Oh, are you seeing anyone now?

97
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:57,167
- No.
- There's no one you wanna bring along?

98
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,836
- No.
- Very well, then.

99
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,297
Just the three of us.
I'm looking forward to it.

100
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:04,966
Until then.

101
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,763
Not mad for your decorator,
Sam, old man.

102
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,058
Sam.

103
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:18,438
It's okay. It's all right.
It was just a warning shot.

104
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:20,774
Would you believe
he came in here thinking

105
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,776
he was just going to apologize
for everything?

106
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,236
Want me to punch his lights out
for you?

107
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,322
No, I think the best thing
for everyone now

108
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:30,200
is just to let it fade
from our memories.

109
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:35,205
You are the only one
in the world for me now.

110
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:39,459
Oh, Diane, I just remembered
my Chaucer lecture Friday night.

111
00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:40,794
Can you make it Saturday?

112
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,216
- Sure.
- Great. See you then.

113
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,636
Now, before you get angry,

114
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:52,847
this can all be explained very easily.

115
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,809
He wants me to meet
his wife, Barbara.

116
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,811
It's an innocent dinner
to get acquainted.

117
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:01,731
I didn't want you to worry about it,
so I-- I told a little white lie.

118
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,483
One more thing, Diane.

119
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:06,444
Since you're not seeing anyone...

120
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,949
...I know a young fellow in the
Philosophy department you might like.

121
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:13,910
- No. Thank you.
- As you wish.

122
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,458
- This one's a little harder.
- Oh, yeah.

123
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,961
Oh, Sam, let me explain.

124
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,879
Sam, will you listen to me?

125
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,965
I'm tired of listening to you, Diane.

126
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,926
Hey, you guys are just doing this
to get my hopes up, right?

127
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:33,638
You don't understand.

128
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:37,058
I didn't tell him about us because I
didn't think it was any of his business.

129
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,144
Oh, yeah?
Then how come you lied to me, huh?

130
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,395
I--

131
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,230
I didn't lie to you.

132
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,316
I just didn't mention it.
There's a difference.

133
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,861
That's a subtle difference
at best there, Diane.

134
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,239
Cliff!

135
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,119
I should have mentioned it.
I'm sorry.

136
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,746
Well, it's okay.

137
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,708
Hey, I'm not an idiot.

138
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,710
You didn't tell him
because you're ashamed of me.

139
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,962
You're afraid I'm gonna
embarrass you or something.

140
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,964
I'm not ashamed of you!

141
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,842
Sam. Sam!

142
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,594
Sam, you've got to understand.

143
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:15,680
I have always been intimidated
by that man myself.

144
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,891
He thinks everyone is beneath him.

145
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,560
You make a mental mistake
around him, he's merciless.

146
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:23,104
I was trying to protect you.

147
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,357
You're saying I'm too dumb
to associate with your friends,

148
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:27,859
and I think that stinks.

149
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:29,903
Another thing.

150
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,697
You're as much of a snob as he is,
you know that?

151
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:35,992
You're right.

152
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,753
I'm going to call Sumner right now

153
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:50,006
and tell him that you will be
my date Saturday night.

154
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,093
You're my fella.

155
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,138
And I'm proud of it, Sam.

156
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,441
- Hey, Sammy. All right.
- Hey, Sammy.

157
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:14,489
- Yeah.
- Yeah, pretty good, huh, guys?

158
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,950
- Great.
- That felt good. Yeah.

159
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,451
Great work, Sammy.

160
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,786
You just argued your way

161
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,373
into spending Saturday night
with three Dianes.

162
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:26,543
She's right.

163
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,962
That Sumner guy's
a major brain, Sam.

164
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,464
Yeah, he's an intellectual pit bull,
Sammy.

165
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,424
If he senses fear, he'll attack,

166
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,426
reduce you to a pile
of blubbering flesh

167
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,637
right in front of your sweet pea there.

168
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:41,057
He does seem kind of nasty,
doesn't he?

169
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,475
He's mean, Sam.

170
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,690
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's not like I'm stupid, is it?

171
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:55,655
Oh, my God!

172
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:58,533
What am I doing here?
I'm gonna look like an idiot.

173
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,493
Sam, it's gonna be okay.

174
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,538
Just talk about something
that you know about and they don't.

175
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:06,541
Say, something like your apartment.

176
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:10,628
Coach. Coach, I don't think everyone's
gonna wanna talk about my apartment.

177
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:14,465
Of course not.
They'd look stupid trying.

178
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:19,429
No. You know, Diane's right.

179
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:20,763
I'm going to embarrass her.

180
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:24,559
Sammy, believe it or not, I think
I have a simple solution to all this.

181
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,520
- He's a literature professor, right?
- Yeah. Right.

182
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,523
<i>War and Peace</i>
is the greatest novel ever written.

183
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:34,402
You read it between
now and Saturday, right?

184
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:37,572
Drop a few comments over dinner,
you're off to the races.

185
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,365
<i>War and Peace?</i>
This is a good book?

186
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,076
Yeah. Well, they say the first
800 pages are a little bit slow,

187
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,746
- but it shoots right off after that.
- Wait a second.

188
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:47,749
What are we talking about?
I got five days. How long is this book?

189
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,918
Well, I've delivered a few
for the book clubs,

190
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:55,215
and it's about three
and a half pounds, paperback.

191
00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:59,135
Forget it, Sam.
Nobody can read four ounces a day.

192
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:04,515
No, no. Listen, if this is the best book
ever written, then I'm gonna read it.

193
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,976
Matter of fact, I'll go get it right now.
What was the name again?

194
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:12,065
<i>War and Peace.</i>
You have to write that down?

195
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,360
And misspell it?

196
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,074
The apartment, Sam.
The apartment.

197
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:42,971
Come in.

198
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,807
- How you doing, Sammy?
- Hey, Sam.

199
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,977
It's just you guys.
I thought it was Diane.

200
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,813
Turn on the lights, will you?

201
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,649
Hey.

202
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,776
I never been in here before.

203
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,153
Classy, Sam.

204
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,616
Sammy, you know
where I can get one of these?

205
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,410
You know, Mother's Day
is coming up.

206
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:10,415
Would you guys give me just a few
minutes here? I almost got it finished.

207
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:12,750
What time is it?

208
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,877
- How many beers have I had, Cliff?
- Eleven.

209
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,879
8:05.

210
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,466
Oh, God, they're gonna be here
any minute!

211
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:24,012
Oh, God, cold coffee!

212
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,807
You know that I've been up
five nights?

213
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,352
No, I feel great. I really do.

214
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,856
Do you--? What did--?
What'd I stand up for?

215
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,443
To hike up your shorts?

216
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:40,361
No.

217
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:43,448
Hey, Sam,
the cheese head's here.

218
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,284
Thank you, Carla. Where's--?
Where's Diane?

219
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:50,997
She just went into the ladies' room with
a tub of mascara and a putty knife.

220
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:55,501
- Well, we're out of here, Sammy.
- Good night, Sammy.

221
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,253
Hey, hey, wait a minute.
Wait a second.

222
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:00,590
Do either one of you guys
have two type-B batteries?

223
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:04,218
Yeah, you know, I've got one.

224
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,637
No.

225
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,602
- Sumner.
- Diane.

226
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,022
Where's Barbara?

227
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,066
Barbara can't make it tonight.
She's ill.

228
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:22,737
- Well, then we'll make it another time.
- Nonsense. I won't hear it.

229
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:26,532
We'll be poorer for her absence
but richer when the check comes.

230
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,164
But the whole point was
for me to meet her.

231
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:36,667
Diane, she insists that her frailty
not ruin the evening for the rest of us.

232
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:37,960
Isn't she magnificent?

233
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:40,380
So I've heard.

234
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,882
Oh, Sam, if you wanna
have fun tonight,

235
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:44,967
you'd better bring along a yo-yo.

236
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,054
Hey, guys. It's in the bag.
I finished it.

237
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,807
- Sammy, shoes.
- Shoes, shoes, shoes.

238
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:55,895
Thank you.

239
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,605
There he is.

240
00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,023
Sam.

241
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,235
You didn't shave?

242
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:06,531
No. No, I needed
a new place to scratch.

243
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,992
Hey, where's your old lady?

244
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:11,953
Oh, Barbara's ill.

245
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,579
She won't be able to make it.

246
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:16,707
But I assure you
she'll be with us in spirit.

247
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:20,503
We have reservations for 8:30
at Maison Robert.

248
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:22,213
- Oh, wonderful.
- Oh, good.

249
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,298
Hey, I am really looking forward
to this evening.

250
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,926
I have been wanting for a long time
to sit down with this guy

251
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,053
and talk a little <i>War and Peace.</i>

252
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,850
<i>- War and Peace?</i>
- Oh, yeah. Great book. Classic.

253
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,727
Please. I taught a Tolstoy seminar
for six years.

254
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,188
I vowed never to discuss him again.

255
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,983
It is the most overanalyzed novel
ever written.

256
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:45,778
If you wanna talk Tolstoy,
I've always thought <i>Anna Karenina...</i>

257
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,118
Thanks.

258
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,751
Smells like something good
cooking up there

259
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,253
at old Melville's today, huh?

260
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,088
Yeah. I wonder what it is, Norm.

261
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,759
Well, that would be
cream-of-watercress soup, Coach.

262
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:13,264
Followed by baked mussels
lightly coated with tarragon butter

263
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:18,311
and topped off
by a fine raspberry torte.

264
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,897
You know, fine gourmet cooking

265
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:23,858
is truly one of the greatest
pleasures of life.

266
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,318
Absolutely.

267
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:31,199
Coach, what's the expiration date
on these?

268
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,416
Yesterday.

269
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,336
We'd better hurry.

270
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:59,185
Sam, how about some
after-dinner drinks?

271
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:05,316
Oh, English. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, what did you say?

272
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:07,735
- After-dinner drinks.
- Fine. What will you have?

273
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:09,612
- A cognac.
<i>- deux.</i>

274
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,489
<i>deux.</i>

275
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,575
<i>deux.</i>

276
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,540
- How was dinner, Sammy?
- Hi, Sam.

277
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,750
Great. Great dinner.

278
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,337
Food was French,
conversation was Greek.

279
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,924
I spent the whole evening pretending
I knew what they were talking about,

280
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,551
nodding my head like an idiot.

281
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,344
I see.

282
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,349
Hey, Sammy,

283
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,351
how about I throw the scuzzball
out of here?

284
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,520
No. Diane would be furious.

285
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,355
I was talking about Diane.

286
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:49,527
Sam, I don't think I'd leave those two
together for very long if I were you.

287
00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:54,699
Oh, yeah, I haven't seen Diane
having so much fun in a long time.

288
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,951
Thank you, fellows.

289
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:02,415
The only verifiable proof of the
existence of a supreme being would--

290
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:05,501
- So, what are we talking about here?
- We're talking about God.

291
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:08,838
The only verifiable proof of
the existence of a supreme being--

292
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,089
What about God?

293
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,469
- Well, it's rather involved.
- Oh, that's okay. I like involved.

294
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:16,679
Fire away. Go ahead.

295
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:20,808
Sumner was just saying that
the early mystics perceived God

296
00:18:20,975 --> 00:18:23,853
without subjecting him
to tangible proof.

297
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,692
- You know what I think about that?
- What, Sam?

298
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,075
What is your problem?

299
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,202
I don't have a prob--
Yeah, I do have a problem.

300
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,913
My problem is that I have not
been a part

301
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,082
of any conversation
that you've had tonight.

302
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:49,795
I tried several times to include you
in the conversation.

303
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,131
No, no, no. I don't think,
"Wrong fork, Sam"

304
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:55,092
and 'Don't spit that out"
are my idea of conversation.

305
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,264
Now, now, that's not fair, Sam.

306
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:03,017
I think we tried several times
to solicit your opinion,

307
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:04,393
but none was forthcoming.

308
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,562
Well, you know why that was?

309
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,397
Because I didn't have one.

310
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:09,899
What do you think of that?

311
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:13,819
Or maybe I had one
and I didn't wanna waste it on you.

312
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,075
What are you trying to say?

313
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,160
I'm not trying to say anything,
I'm saying it.

314
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,537
You know, you and I are a joke, Diane.

315
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:26,666
You and Sumner are a joke too,
but at least you're the same joke.

316
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:30,002
I may be stupid about a lot of things,
but I know some things,

317
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,380
and I know when two people
do not belong together,

318
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,298
and you and I
do not belong together.

319
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:36,926
Sam, sit down. You're creating a stir.

320
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,511
Oh, hey, hey. Come on, come on.

321
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,805
I know what's been going on
all evening.

322
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:44,266
I mean, this stuff about Barbara
being sick is a bunch of baloney.

323
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:47,144
You just set it up here
to get your big fan back.

324
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:49,355
Well, you got her. Way to go, guy.

325
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:51,399
Sam.

326
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:54,819
No, no, no, it's okay. It's all right.
I see it all very clearly now.

327
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,195
I got you on the rebound.

328
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:59,865
You were just slumming
with me between PhD's.

329
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:02,785
Well, he's come for you.
Go with him.

330
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,995
- Sam...
- I'll tell you something else too.

331
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,456
Before I read <i>War and Peace</i> again
in five days

332
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:11,252
just to impress some broad,
it's gonna be a cold day in Minsk.

333
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,892
I have to apologize for Sam

334
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:30,354
for that totally unfounded
accusation.

335
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,567
No, Diane. He's more perceptive
than I gave him credit for.

336
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:40,072
What are you saying?

337
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:42,908
I did come back to see
if there might be one spark left

338
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:47,204
of that brilliant fire that streaked
across the sky like a meteor.

339
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:51,792
Barbara and I had a parting
of the ways several weeks ago.

340
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:57,214
- Sam was right.
- Forget Sam.

341
00:20:57,381 --> 00:21:00,509
Isn't it obvious after tonight that
you and I have something special?

342
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,012
Diane, I may not be perfect...

343
00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:05,222
Then again, I may.

344
00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:08,434
The point is,

345
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:12,897
can you honestly say you belong
more in his world than in mine?

346
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,918
So you've come to say goodbye,
or as the French say, "ta-ta."

347
00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:38,047
No.

348
00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:41,008
I've come to tell you
that Sumner has gone.

349
00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:44,386
He has?

350
00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:46,514
Carla threw him out.

351
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:51,143
Come on. You don't mean to say
that you chose me over him.

352
00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:53,354
I flipped a coin.

353
00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:57,316
- You let a coin decide this?
- Yeah.

354
00:21:57,483 --> 00:22:01,487
I told Sumner, heads,
I was going to walk in here to you,

355
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:04,406
tails, I was going to
run in here to you.

356
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:08,369
Well, you're nuts. You know that?

357
00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:13,707
I mean, the guy is brilliant, charming,
he's sophisticated.

358
00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:15,918
You know, if you hurry, he's yours.

359
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:24,426
Why'd you pick me?

360
00:22:25,553 --> 00:22:27,346
You read <i>War and Peace.</i>

361
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:29,682
So did he.

362
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:31,517
You did it for me.

363
00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:35,229
I think it was harder for you.

364
00:22:37,523 --> 00:22:38,983
Call it a hunch.

365
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:43,445
It was no day at the beach,
I'll tell you.

366
00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,365
Oh, Sam.

367
00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:51,203
There's only one thing
more romantic

368
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,914
than you reading
<i>War and Peace</i> for me.

369
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:57,793
- What?
- You reading <i>War and Peace</i> to me.

370
00:22:58,419 --> 00:22:59,628
Oh, yeah?

371
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:03,799
Well, it just so happens
that I have a copy right here.

372
00:23:04,049 --> 00:23:05,551
Why don't we just sit down
right here...

373
00:23:06,635 --> 00:23:08,679
...and I'll read to you.

374
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,723
Boy, that's nice.

375
00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:12,766
Here we go.

376
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,812
Let's go see the movie.

377
00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:19,440
There's a movie?!

378
00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,859
Cliff! I'll kill him!

379
00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,320
Cliff! I'll kill him!