1 00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:04,755 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:06,882 Excuse me, cutie? 3 00:00:08,884 --> 00:00:12,387 Cutie? Who do you think you're talking to? 4 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,474 - Her. - Better be. 5 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:19,019 - Well, as long as you're here-- - I ain't here. 6 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:21,355 What's the matter? 7 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:24,858 Did we get up on the wrong side of the web this morning? 8 00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,238 I hate it when they call me cutie. 9 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:31,323 Well, I do know how you feel. 10 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:35,744 Earlier tonight a customer had the effrontery to refer to me as "honey." 11 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:39,623 But that makes sense. Honey is bee barf. 12 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,007 Does that snort mean we were amused? 13 00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:52,928 No, no, definitely not. That was a snort of disapproval. 14 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,587 Afternoon, everybody. 15 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,464 - Norm! - Norman. 16 00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,342 - How's life, Norm? - Ask a man who's got one. 17 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:19,640 - Here's mine now. - Oh, about that, Norm... 18 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,934 - Sammy raised the price of the draft. - Hey, I was gonna tell him, Cliff. 19 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:26,104 Yeah, but you would've found some way to cushion the blow, Sammy. 20 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:30,651 Sure, Sam, why not? It's "Get Norm" year. Join the fun. 21 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,653 Hey, come on, it's only a quarter. 22 00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,822 Only a quarter. That's easy for you to say. 23 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,284 - Maybe this'll change your tune. - Watch it. He's going for his gun. 24 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,330 It's my calculator, Coach. 25 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:46,625 I'm gonna have to figure out how much I can drink 26 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,336 and still stay within my suds allowance. 27 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,131 What do you got? 28 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,468 I'm gonna have to cut back 8.7 percent. 29 00:02:56,843 --> 00:03:01,473 That comes out to one beer every half-hour. 30 00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:05,977 I guess I'm gonna have to drink a little more slowly. 31 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,402 Slowing down isn't so bad. 32 00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,197 Sam, I gotta tell you, 33 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:20,033 you got one of the cutest cocktail waitresses I've ever seen. 34 00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:22,411 Oh, stop, I'm blushing. 35 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,830 I meant you. 36 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,082 So what? 37 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,876 - I'm sorry. - You sure are. 38 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,589 Romance is in the air, Sam. 39 00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,884 Well, I guess... I'm a little busy here, but I suppose... 40 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,845 Oh, Sam! 41 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:47,352 If you could see past your codpiece... 42 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:53,066 ...you'd notice that I was referring to that gentleman right over there. 43 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:54,860 - Hank? - Yes. 44 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,862 He's been watching Carla all week. 45 00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:00,115 Haven't you seen how he gives her those moony-eyed looks? 46 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,616 It's almost embarrassing. 47 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:05,746 If he were any more overcome with desire, there'd be drool on his chin. 48 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:10,417 Excuse me. I'm done. What were you saying? 49 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,628 Well, for whatever reason, he's attracted to Carla. 50 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:16,089 But he doesn't seem to be able to get started. 51 00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,383 - I think I should help him. - No, I think you shouldn't. 52 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,969 We'll compromise. I'll help him. 53 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,888 Yeah, I knew we could work this out. 54 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,647 Excuse me. I'm Diane Chambers. 55 00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:35,776 - Hello. Henry Zenzola. - Henry, nice to meet you. 56 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,445 - Do you mind if I sit down? - No, please. 57 00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:42,073 Henry, I want to put it right on the line. 58 00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,451 How do you feel about Carla? 59 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,578 You mean the waitress with the foul mouth, 60 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,706 nasty disposition and what looks to be a real mean wallop? 61 00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,042 - That's the one. - She's the hottest thing walking. 62 00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:56,838 Would you like to get to know her? I think I can arrange it. 63 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,133 You think so? I've been trying to get to her all week. 64 00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,718 She acts like I'm contagious. 65 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,763 Has she actually made any retching noises? 66 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,225 - No. - You're in. 67 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,435 I'll be right back. 68 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:15,357 What a nice person. Is she always like that? 69 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,734 Yeah, yeah. Coach, give me a beer, will you? 70 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,071 Oh, hey, Norm, you're getting a little bit ahead of your 71 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,156 "one beer a half-hour" schedule, aren't you? 72 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,991 No, no, Cliff. I'm on London time. 73 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,160 God save the Queen. 74 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,206 His name is Henry. He's interested in you. 75 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:34,209 - So what? - So I think you should go talk to him. 76 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,169 - Well, I don't. - Why? 77 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,672 Because if he's interested in me, there's something wrong with him. 78 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:43,260 Carla, I assure you, he's perfectly charming. 79 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,220 I think he's kind of attractive too, don't you? 80 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,639 Yeah, as cue balls go, he's a looker. 81 00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,851 Don't ask me why, but for some reason, 82 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,937 any guy who I'm interested in or who's interested in me 83 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:57,399 always turns out to have something very seriously wrong with him. 84 00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,818 Carla, I can see why you think that, 85 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,612 but you have to stop feeling that you're undesirable. 86 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:06,616 Are you kidding? I'm too desirable. 87 00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,286 I'm a vermin magnet. 88 00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:16,710 Come on, Carla. This guy's not like that. 89 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:21,882 He's attractive, charming, intelligent, well dressed. 90 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,717 And opposites attract, so go for him. 91 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,095 Yeah, Carla, he's always talking there about the Sox. 92 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,472 - He knows Yaz personally. - Yaz. 93 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:30,932 Yaz. 94 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:32,934 Yeah? 95 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,354 - Okay, I'll talk to him. - Oh, goody. 96 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:41,776 Just long enough to find out what's wrong with this loser. 97 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:45,447 Yeah, I like a person with an open mind, huh? 98 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:51,453 - You're Hank? - Yeah. How do you do? 99 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,997 Shut up and answer a few questions. 100 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,294 First of all, where'd you come from all of a sudden? 101 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:02,213 - I never saw you in here before. - I don't really get out that much. 102 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:05,634 - He's married. - No, no, Carla. I'm single. 103 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,514 - You ever been married? - No. 104 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:16,061 - Gay as a goose. - No, no. Carla. 105 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,647 - What? - I like women. 106 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:22,108 - Some women, very much. - Hooker bait. 107 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:26,488 Carla, I don't mind being put through my paces. 108 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:29,824 In fact, I'm always one to enjoy a good game. 109 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:32,077 I hope this one gets better. 110 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:39,000 Yeah, yeah, this proves nothing. 111 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,379 He is great, and it's killing you. 112 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:45,674 I admit, he is tough, but I'll crack him. 113 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,928 Come on, we're going for a cup of coffee, on you. 114 00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:51,972 - Fine. - Sam, I'm taking a break. 115 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,556 - Fine. - You got a criminal record? 116 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,392 - No. - Any mental illness in the family? 117 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,810 - No. - Or artificial body parts? 118 00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,270 - No. - Okay, open your mouth. 119 00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:06,361 So who's the greatest matchmaker in the world? 120 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:07,821 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 121 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:10,240 - Come on, say it, Sam. - I'm not gonna say it. 122 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,909 Oh, come on, Sam, you gotta admit, Carla and Hank have been an item 123 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,412 ever since they went out to dinner, huh? 124 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:17,122 Oh, I hate to see that. 125 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,834 What, you think Carla's making a mistake there, Norm? 126 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:24,838 No, I just had my last beer of the 20th Century. 127 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,593 - Hey, everybody. - Hey! 128 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,470 - Hi. - Just came from the game. 129 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:37,058 - We killed the Otters, 28-3. - Whoa, way to go, guys! 130 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,019 And Hank has the greatest season seats. 131 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,813 Yeah, spitting distance from the visitor's bench. 132 00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:47,652 Listen, Hank, thanks a lot. I had a great time. 133 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:51,197 Yeah, I had a great time too, Carla. 134 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,825 You wanna meet later for a late supper? 135 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,202 I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you before. 136 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,872 We're through. Beat it. 137 00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:08,423 Carla, what did you find wrong with him? 138 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:09,632 Nothing. 139 00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,761 - Well, then why--? - Look, I do not want to talk about it. 140 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:16,264 I wanna be left alone. Sam, what do you need from your office? 141 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,516 - Nothing. - I'll go see if you have any. 142 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,321 - What happened? - I don't know. 143 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,198 We were getting along so great. 144 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:37,494 Hank, sit down. Coach, pour him a beer. 145 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:41,081 I'm gonna go see if Carla needs help finding that nothing. 146 00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,459 Hey, Hank. 147 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,712 You know, when I'm really kind of depressed, 148 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:51,049 I usually like to buy a beer for a friend 149 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,426 who's a little, you know, behind on his beer budget. 150 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,722 Well, I'm not really feeling all that depressed. 151 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,016 You're not? 152 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,311 I mean, you fall really hard for this girl, 153 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,022 you think you got her where you want her, then all of a sudden, 154 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,359 she cuts you off at the kneecaps in front of a room full of strangers-- 155 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,194 - Set him up. - Thank you. This'll help. 156 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,404 This is gonna help. 157 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,574 I wanna be alone, Sam. 158 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,953 I'll only be a second. I got something very important to do in there. 159 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,456 I have to fix the... immediately. 160 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,598 Okay. All right. All right. 161 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,517 What are you doing here, Sam? 162 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:46,354 I just wanted to come in and see if you wanted to talk, that's all. 163 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,440 - I don't. - Okay. 164 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,613 Look, Sam, this guy is perfect in every other way. 165 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:59,784 The only thing left is that he must be lousy in bed. 166 00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:02,245 Who needs it? 167 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,746 You know, 168 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:08,126 from over here, it seems like you're just afraid to go with this. 169 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:09,711 Being vulnerable. 170 00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,713 Vulnerable? 171 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:15,049 It's just a word I picked up somewhere. 172 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,764 The only thing I'm scared of is that if I go to bed with him, 173 00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:25,310 he's gonna be so crazed with desire, I'll never get rid of him. 174 00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,729 Carla, that's not what you're afraid of. 175 00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:30,273 You're afraid that you're gonna fall for this guy. 176 00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:35,403 No, I'm not gonna fall for this guy. I've already fallen for this guy. 177 00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:40,742 And now you're afraid he's gonna turn into a jerk, right? 178 00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,952 No, smart guy, he's already a jerk. 179 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:46,122 - Well, why is he a jerk? - Because he's dishonest. 180 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,916 Why is he dishonest? 181 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:51,252 Because he's hiding the fact that he's a jerk. 182 00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,340 Who's jerking who here? 183 00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,842 Come on, Carla, you know, you always say you're so tough. 184 00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,636 You talk tough, you act tough. 185 00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,763 You're not tough. Tough guys take chances. 186 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,766 - You're a chicken. - Don't ever call me that. 187 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,144 That's what you are, Carla. You're a chicken. 188 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,898 Hey! Hey, hey, hey, I wanna go with you. 189 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,192 You have been cruising on your looks for too long, buddy. 190 00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,736 - I'm not gonna fight with you. - Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are. 191 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:17,946 Let's go. 192 00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:21,950 Come on. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Carla, come on, you're half my size. 193 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,119 Carla, that's dirty, would you--? 194 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,251 Nobody calls me chicken. 195 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:34,629 I'll show you. I'm gonna go out there. I'm gonna be so vulnerable, 196 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,674 I'm gonna open myself to happiness like a banshee. 197 00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:40,093 Hey, Sam, could I have the night off? 198 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,511 Thanks. 199 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,810 Feel better now? Yeah, I thought so. 200 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,027 Hi. 201 00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:00,363 - Hi. - Wanna go to my place? 202 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:04,242 - You bet. - We can't. My kids are there. 203 00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:05,868 How about your place? 204 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:08,204 I told you, I'm staying with a friend till my apartment's ready. 205 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,126 Diane, give me the keys to your place. 206 00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:15,920 I will not. 207 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,506 Hey, you're the matchmaker. 208 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:22,093 You want this thing to work out, or you want it to end up with a broken heart? 209 00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:23,761 And a broken lip. 210 00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:31,144 - Enjoy. - Thank you. 211 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,647 And, Carla, when you're done, just burn the place. 212 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,777 Come on. 213 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:43,781 Carla, you've just made me the happiest man on earth. 214 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,616 Just wait. 215 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:55,043 Sam? Sam! What happened? Are you all right? 216 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,879 No, don't worry. Don't worry. She didn't hurt any of the good stuff. 217 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,679 Romance in this bar is kind of an inspiration. 218 00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:11,142 You know, you, Diane, Carla, Hank there. 219 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,936 Seeing you all makes me kind of, you know, 220 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,148 think that somewhere out there, there's somebody for me. 221 00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:23,112 Well, there are those that would disagree, I guess. 222 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:27,909 I'm sorry, Cliff, just a picture came to mind of you in the sack. 223 00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:34,457 You know, I see your mailbag draped over a chair 224 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,751 next to your gabardines... 225 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,128 - Yeah? Yeah? - That's as far as I wanted to look. 226 00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:43,216 Wait a minute. I agree with Cliff. 227 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,343 Cheers is a romantic bar. 228 00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:48,638 I mean, you take even a poor guy like Hank with his terrible problem. 229 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,640 He comes in here. He can get a girl. 230 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,603 Coach, what terrible problem? 231 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:59,148 Oh, well, I'm sorry, I can't talk about it. Hank told me not to. 232 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:04,445 Coach, this could be kind of important. Can you give us a hint or something? 233 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:05,571 A hint. 234 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,784 Okay, I got one. Lefty Cramer. 235 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,414 Lefty Cramer, the old third baseman? 236 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:19,293 Right. Lefty has the same problem that Hank has. 237 00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:23,131 Hank can't hit a breaking pitch? 238 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,429 - Oh, yeah, poor Carla, huh? - Yeah. She'll be crushed. 239 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:34,517 Go on, keep thinking. Think. What problem did Lefty have? 240 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:38,104 Well, he was ugly as a mud fence. I remember that. 241 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,064 He was a bad dresser. 242 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,567 Oh, he used to spit tobacco juice all over. 243 00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:46,779 - Yeah, he was great, old Lefty. - Could we forget Lefty? 244 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,825 What's wrong with Hank, Coach? 245 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,828 Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I got it. Coach... 246 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,039 - ...Lefty had a heart problem. - That's it. 247 00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,126 Hank has the same thing. I mean, least bit of excitement, 248 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:01,711 it's curtains. 249 00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,338 Coach, how about sex? 250 00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:07,300 Diane, please! I thought you were Sam's girl. 251 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:11,762 Well, now... 252 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,266 Coach, I'm talking about Hank. 253 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:18,311 Hank is seeing Carla. Are you listening to this? 254 00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:22,064 Coach-- Coach, what she's trying to say is, 255 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,859 is Hank in any danger with Carla tonight? 256 00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:29,030 No, no, not at all. Not unless he gets overexcited about something. 257 00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:32,700 - Oh, man. - Sam, we've gotta stop them. 258 00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,911 Now, wait, wait, Hank wouldn't have gone with Carla 259 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,246 - if he thought it was risky, right? - Come on. 260 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:40,416 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. - We've gotta stop them. 261 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,710 We've gotta warn Carla, at least. I mean, my God-- 262 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:46,923 I mean, what a shock if the guy were to drop dead in Carla's own bed. 263 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:51,093 - Oh, God, she's in my apartment. - You're kidding. 264 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:54,013 That's the last time I let somebody have a great time in my bedroom. 265 00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:58,768 - What? - Call. Just call. 266 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,188 - Go on, call her. - What am I supposed to say? 267 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,649 I don't know. Tell her to look over on the next pillow 268 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,150 and count the dead people. 269 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,903 - Norman. - Norm. 270 00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,405 Just ask her if everything's all right. 271 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:14,909 All right, all right, all right. The line's busy. 272 00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,495 Oh, then maybe she's calling an ambulance, huh? 273 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:22,124 Cliff! Now, stop it. We don't have to jump to conclusions. 274 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:25,086 A lot of people, when they're having a romantic evening, 275 00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:26,837 they take the phone off the hook. 276 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,799 They don't want anything to interrupt their intimacies. 277 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,092 How come we never did that? 278 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,136 I might miss an important call. 279 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:39,267 Sam, will you go over there, please, and see what's happening? 280 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,435 Coach, you're right. Coach, stay on the line here. 281 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:43,771 You know, it's my fault. I practically pushed them into this. 282 00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:46,190 I'm going too. I brought them together in the first place. 283 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:50,361 - I'll go with you. I know CPR. - Well, I'll go. I'm a CPA. 284 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:55,157 No, no. No, no, guys, stay here. I can handle this. if we need you, I'll call you. 285 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,618 Oh, please, God, let Hank be all right. 286 00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,958 - Stop! - Oh, no. 287 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:05,835 I wonder if we're too late. 288 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,422 Well, there's only one way to find out. 289 00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:10,881 No, no, Sam. 290 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:14,218 Well, we can't just burst in on them. That's a gaucherie. 291 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,555 Besides, we might actually... 292 00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:19,473 ...see them. 293 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:22,059 Well, what were we planning to do? 294 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,147 Let's make loud noises to draw their attention. 295 00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,690 Good, good. 296 00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:33,112 - Fire! Fire! - No, Sam, you'll startle him. 297 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,448 Oh, my God. I hope I didn't blow it. 298 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,576 Oh, Sam, that's so disgusting. 299 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,581 - Can you hear anything? - Not a thing. 300 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,126 Isn't that funny? I thought Carla would be the type to make noises. 301 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:55,509 Hello there. 302 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,261 They're just starting. 303 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,808 What the hell's going on here? 304 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,983 We thought you were in there. 305 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,860 Were you looking for pointers? 306 00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,530 We saw the wine glasses, so we... 307 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,075 We had a drink here and decided to go have something to eat. 308 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,534 So you didn't actually...? 309 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:23,621 Let's pretend for a minute it's any of your business. 310 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,542 No, we didn't. 311 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,670 Why are you here? ls there something wrong? 312 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,675 Hank, I'm sorry for intruding, 313 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:39,887 but Coach said something about you having a heart condition. 314 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:43,724 Oh, did he? 315 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,811 - Did he make a mistake? - No, he's right. 316 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,480 - I have a serious problem. - You do? 317 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:54,735 He also said that any exertion would be very dangerous for you. 318 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:58,489 And so we thought we'd catch you before you and Carla... 319 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,533 - Exerted. - Yeah. 320 00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,661 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 321 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,956 Are you trying to tell me you could've died? 322 00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,499 Carla, I... 323 00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:11,544 Yeah, it could've happened. 324 00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,630 Sex is okay for most people with heart problems. 325 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:17,425 I'm just one of those rare cases that makes it chancy. 326 00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:21,971 - Maybe if we didn't get too wild. - Are you kidding? 327 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,890 I've almost killed off guys with good pumps. 328 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,478 - Carla-- - Carla, will you just--? 329 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:30,688 Would you butt out? 330 00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,399 - Yeah, all right. - Now, I am not gonna forget this. 331 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:36,569 Of all the rotten things that guys have done to me, this is the rottenest. 332 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,946 - My instincts were right. - I should've told you. 333 00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:40,990 - I just didn't wanna spoil it. - Spoil it? 334 00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:44,702 Oh, I would've felt great waking up tomorrow with a stiff next to me. 335 00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,581 Well, at least you wouldn't have had to feed him breakfast. 336 00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:54,712 Hank... 337 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,923 ...why would you take such a risk? 338 00:20:58,466 --> 00:20:59,550 How could I not? 339 00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,763 Carla, I've been so careful for so long. 340 00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:06,974 And then I met you, and I just didn't care. 341 00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:10,603 The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to take the risk. 342 00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,272 Wow. 343 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:16,942 You're nuts. 344 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:19,570 I just got so carried away, 345 00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:21,447 I didn't stop to think what it might do to you. 346 00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:25,034 I don't know what to think about all this. 347 00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:27,828 I guess I better leave. 348 00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:31,707 No, hey, Hank, couldn't you and Carla just be good friends? 349 00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,167 Real good friends? 350 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:37,129 No. I don't wanna be just friends with Carla. 351 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,925 It would drive me crazy to be so close to you and not touch you. 352 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:44,261 Hear that, beanpole? 353 00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:48,390 Carla, I'm sorry I disappointed you. 354 00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:52,228 Wait, wait. Wait a minute, wait a minute. 355 00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:53,938 I just thought of something. 356 00:21:55,648 --> 00:22:00,402 In a way, I think maybe you and I were perfect together. 357 00:22:01,779 --> 00:22:05,282 See, we never had an argument, right? 358 00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:09,870 Not a harsh word, no one looking in another direction. 359 00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:13,624 Yes, it was like a incredibly delicate flower. 360 00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:16,293 It doesn't matter how long it lasts, the important thing-- 361 00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,504 Hey, whitey, this is my moment here. 362 00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:22,258 I'm sorry. 363 00:22:23,384 --> 00:22:24,802 In a way, Hank... 364 00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:29,932 ...I'll always remember you as the best lover I ever had. 365 00:22:32,935 --> 00:22:33,936 Carla... 366 00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:47,408 Goodbye. 367 00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:58,002 Oh, Carla. 368 00:22:59,753 --> 00:23:03,674 Well, now I've seen past your little masquerade. 369 00:23:04,842 --> 00:23:07,511 And there's a bond between us that can never be broken. 370 00:23:11,307 --> 00:23:14,393 I'm going to capture my feelings right now while they're fresh 371 00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:16,604 and put them on the pages of my diary. 372 00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:19,523 Oh, wait, Diane, it's right here. 373 00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,525 We were laughing about it at dinner.