1 00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,881 Cheers. Carla, it's your little girl. 2 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,050 What? 3 00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:13,847 The baby? Well, bring her to the phone. 4 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:19,895 The baby is crying, and they can't make her stop. I'll try a lullaby. 5 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:24,399 God couldn't be everywhere. That's why he created mothers. 6 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:28,070 - And postal carriers. - You got her? 7 00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,447 Okay, now put her ear to the phone. 8 00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:34,117 Sweetie. Sweetie. 9 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:41,208 Okay. Oh, good girl. Good girl, okay. Now, listen to Mama. 10 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:47,172 Too ra loo ra loo ra 11 00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:52,803 Too ra loo ra li 12 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:59,351 Too ra loo ra loo ra 13 00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:04,314 - Hush, now don't you cry - Hush, now don't you cry 14 00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:09,570 Too ra loo ra loo ra 15 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:14,575 Too ra loo ra li 16 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:19,371 Too ra loo ra loo ra 17 00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:26,461 That's an Irish lullaby 18 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:29,840 - She's asleep. - Yeah! 19 00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:33,802 Thanks, everybody. Thanks a lot. 20 00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:52,964 Hey, everybody. Drinks are on me. I got my raise. 21 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,759 Hey, congratulations, Cliff. 22 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:59,012 - Thank you. How are you, Normie? - Congratulations, Cliff. 23 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,138 Thank you. 24 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,893 Oh, Norm. 25 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:07,938 Normie, Normie, Normie. 26 00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:12,192 You know, I know you're a proud guy, Norm, 27 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:13,652 but you've been out of work a long time. 28 00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:16,613 And I feel I've got to at least try to share my good fortune with you, 29 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,616 so I know what your answer is gonna be to this, 30 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:23,495 but would you please allow me to loan you $500? 31 00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:24,705 Sure. 32 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,544 - Beg your pardon? - Sure. I'd love it. 33 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,713 How soon can I get it? 34 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,465 You know, Norm, my greatest fear was that you'd say no 35 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,426 because you'd be afraid it'd hurt our relationship. 36 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,011 No, no. Can I get it in cash? 37 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:44,599 Sure, yeah, sure. I guess our friendship's pretty solid, huh? 38 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:45,892 Yeah, I mean, we're the kind of guys 39 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:49,187 who knows what the other guy's gonna say before he even says it, huh? 40 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,565 Yeah, I was wrong this time. 41 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,318 - Hey, Sam. - Hey, Mort. How you doing? 42 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,654 - What will you have? - Let me have a draft. 43 00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:01,658 Sam, you gotta help me. I got big trouble. 44 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,660 Really? What's the problem? 45 00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,663 The coach of my kid's Youth League Baseball team just quit, 46 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,582 and I figure you're a natural for the job. 47 00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:11,710 Boy, I'd love to, Mort, but I don't have any time around here. 48 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:14,421 I spend half my life trying to keep this bar on its feet 49 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,966 and the other half trying to keep Diane off hers. 50 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,137 Well, I gotta find somebody. I mean, this is a real good team, Sam. 51 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,723 We got a real chance of winning the pennant here. 52 00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:28,185 Wait a second. Does anyone wanna manage the team here? 53 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:31,188 Sam, wanna hear a crazy idea? 54 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,814 What about me? 55 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:37,486 Well, Coach, that's not a crazy idea. That's a great idea. 56 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:40,113 Well, I knew it was either one or the other. 57 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:43,992 Just give me a second here. Coach, this is perfect for you. 58 00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,119 I mean, you got some extra time on your hands. 59 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,205 You know the game. It'd be good for you. 60 00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:50,165 Come on, Sam. You know I never managed. 61 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,542 The highest I ever got was third-base coach. 62 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,085 - Mort? - Yeah. 63 00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,296 Hey, don't worry about it. You're gonna be great. 64 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:59,466 - Sam, can I talk to you about this? - No, no, not right now. Not right now. 65 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,718 - Sam, you think I can handle it? - Of course you can. 66 00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:04,387 - Come on, you're not kidding? - I'm not kidding. 67 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,890 - Mort, you got yourself a manager. - Hey, great, Coach. 68 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,767 I'll introduce you to the kids. They're over at the park. 69 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:13,730 God, things are going so fast. Sam, I'll be back before you know I'm gone. 70 00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,900 I'll probably be back before I know I'm gone. 71 00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:21,905 Sam. 72 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,283 I just got a real strong feeling. 73 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,244 Carla, watch the bar. 74 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,121 What? 75 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:34,668 I mean about this idea that Coach will manage the team. 76 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,795 I sense disaster. 77 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:38,547 Oh, come on, what are you talking about? 78 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:43,635 I mean, the guy's home life is a can of Spaghetti O's and reruns of Baretta. 79 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:47,138 This will be good for him. I mean, every guy needs a hobby, right? 80 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,516 I wish I had time for one. 81 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,767 Norm, 82 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:54,813 you've got time to make your own coal. 83 00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,864 Sam, this is serious. 84 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:07,075 Everybody knows that there can be a lot of pressure in children's baseball. 85 00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:10,704 The parents take it very seriously. 86 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:14,291 Well, I'm afraid that they'll take somebody as gentle and guileless 87 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:15,750 as the Coach and eat him alive. 88 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,919 You're kidding me. He's been in the big leagues. 89 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,130 This is not gonna be pressure for him. 90 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:23,425 No, no, wait a minute. He was working for somebody else. 91 00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:25,051 He was never the boss. 92 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,679 I'm telling you, I can't get rid of this feeling. Something's wrong. 93 00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:31,892 Hey, hey, Diane, you can have your feelings, but this is guy stuff. 94 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:36,980 I mean, there's a male bond that happens between men 95 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,815 that women just don't understand. 96 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:43,069 Hey, sweetheart, sweetheart, look, this is part of me that is private. 97 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,654 You're just gonna have to stay away from it. 98 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:49,451 So it's hands-off, no trespassing, keep out, end of discussion. Really. 99 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,912 Very well. 100 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:56,958 And from now on, there's a part of me that's hands-off to you. 101 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:04,674 Just my luck, it'll be one of the parts I care about. 102 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,765 - Sam, can I ask you a question? - Shoot. 103 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,600 Where do you stand on breast-feeding? 104 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,102 As I recall, I liked it. 105 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:20,190 Oh, no, I mean me with my baby in here. 106 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:25,111 Oh, Carla, I guess it's cheaper than a piano player. 107 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:29,282 Look, Sammy, you know, 108 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:33,787 I'm just tired of having to run home to feed her all the time during my shift. 109 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,122 I should have done like I did with all my other kids. 110 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,166 You mean you didn't breast-feed the other four? 111 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,835 No, they went right to raw meat. 112 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,882 - Hey, everybody. - Hey, Cliff. 113 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:51,513 - Thank you, Norm. - Say, remember that--? 114 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,264 Remember that money you were gonna lend me? 115 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,558 Oh, of course, Norm. Look, you're a friend of mine, 116 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,227 you're in need, and I'm here to help you. 117 00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,437 - I've got your money. - Great. 118 00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,564 Look, is a handshake good enough for you? 119 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,775 - Sure. - Not for me. 120 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,987 - A loan application? - That's right. 121 00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:10,198 Hey, it's a loan we're talking about here, not a handout. 122 00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:13,201 I don't wanna go through this kind of humiliation, all right? 123 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,996 I mean, I wouldn't be asking for this unless I really needed it. 124 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:20,000 All right, Norm. I got you. Just kidding around here. 125 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,086 Thank you. This is gonna go a long way to pay a lot of bills. 126 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:26,464 You know, I really should think of something nice for Vera too. 127 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,300 Hey, Norm, how about a candlelit dinner for two? 128 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,887 Great. Come on. We'll talk about Vera later. 129 00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,937 Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the Titans. 130 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,231 Come on, move it. 131 00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,400 Let's go. 132 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,320 That's a well-drilled team, Coach. 133 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:50,655 Thank you, Sam. 134 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:53,283 - Yeah, and look at you, Coach. - Oh, thank you, Diane. 135 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,868 Coach, how about doing the honors here? 136 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,413 Oh, yeah, sure, Sam. Fellas, this is Sam "Mayday" Malone. 137 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:01,916 Probably the greatest relief pitcher the game of baseball ever knew. 138 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,544 Then he hit the bottle, and he was through in less than a year. 139 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:05,920 Remember that. 140 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,089 Hi. 141 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,508 And this is Diane. She's smart. 142 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,597 Let me introduce my boys to you, Sam. 143 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,767 This is Peewee, Moose, Juice, Goose, the Tank, 144 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:22,562 the Chancellor, the Bull, the Cannonball Express, 145 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,315 Specs and Dynamic Duo. 146 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,193 Well, so, what have you guys been working on so far, Coach? 147 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,904 - Nicknames. - Yeah. 148 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,866 But the party's over now, Sam, and we start busting some butts. 149 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,993 I'll have these guys in shape within the week. 150 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,286 Well, there you go. 151 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:41,247 Well, isn't that always the way with children? 152 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,667 The delightful melding of their innocence with your wisdom. 153 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:48,588 Yes, we teach them, but they leave their impression on us-- 154 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,512 Deviate. 155 00:09:55,678 --> 00:10:00,016 Forget it, Diane. I can handle this. I got a way of communicating with kids. 156 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:03,728 All right, everybody file out. Except you, Specs. 157 00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:06,231 - Let's go. Move it. Move it. - See? 158 00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:09,150 - Come on, guys. - Okay, okay. 159 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,821 Maybe this thing will be a good experience for him, huh? 160 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:16,699 Yeah, he's standing a little taller, has a light in his eye. 161 00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:18,952 He's like a whole new person. 162 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,789 Specs, you get only one chance to make a mistake on this team. 163 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,875 Go home and tell your mother you're a flop. 164 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,005 A whole new person I dislike intensely. 165 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,799 Hey, Coach, Coach. Hey. 166 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,135 You gonna kick him off the team for that one little incident? 167 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,721 No, Sam, that's not the only reason. He's leading the league in errors. 168 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:42,225 The only thing he's had his hands on all week is Diane's keister. 169 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,383 Who the hell are you guys talking to? 170 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,766 We've been talking stupid to a duck. 171 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:27,353 Well, we kept it quiet. 172 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,817 She's hungry. 173 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:34,736 Okay. 174 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,449 - Well, here's dinner. - Hey! 175 00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,659 Hold it, please. 176 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,662 Oh, Carla, come on. It makes us a little uncomfortable. 177 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:48,750 - Okay, okay, I'll go in Sam's office. - Thank you. 178 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,252 Whatever happened to modesty? 179 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,797 Really, who would wanna look at something like that? 180 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,925 - Have you guys seen Miss June? - Who? 181 00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:59,052 Hey, what do we got here? 182 00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:05,475 Oh, dear, Norm's in season again. 183 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,436 Coach is a little late this evening, isn't he? 184 00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:10,730 Yeah, the game must have gone into extra innings. 185 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,106 How are those Titans doing? 186 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,193 They have not lost a game since Coach took over. 187 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:19,030 Coach has lost his sweet disposition. He's turned into a tyrant. 188 00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:20,740 Yeah, but he's winning, Diane, 189 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,992 and winning is the most important thing here. 190 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:26,913 Well, I don't think winning is the most important thing here. 191 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,749 Well, good, then you won't mind losing this argument. 192 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:34,420 - Over my dead body. - Hey, don't bring last night into this. 193 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:40,134 That's exactly what it was. Your last night. 194 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:42,887 Oh, now, come on. 195 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,765 Come on. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. 196 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,976 Come on, don't be mad. Don't be mad. 197 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,436 Look, what are we arguing about? 198 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,939 I mean, Coach is just being dedicated, that's all. 199 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,775 Yeah, you know, I never thought I'd say this about another man, 200 00:12:55,942 --> 00:13:00,154 but Coach may have the attributes to be a good postal carrier. 201 00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,365 Dedication, intensity and single-mindedness. 202 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:05,076 Yeah, the inability to recognize the word "fragile." 203 00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:06,577 Yeah. 204 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,331 I still say this was a mistake for Coach to-- 205 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,292 Don't touch me. 206 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:16,963 It's not a mistake. He's got a hobby, that's all. I mean, he's having fun. 207 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,798 - Fun. - I can stand physical errors, 208 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,800 but I can't stand mental errors. 209 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,845 After this one, boy, somebody's gonna have to go. 210 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,973 - What happened, Coach, you lost? - No, we won, but by only one run. 211 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:31,185 What's the point in winning if you can't humiliate the other team? 212 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:33,187 You gotta intimidate them, Carla. 213 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:37,734 Crush them. Crush them. Crush them, Carla. Crush them. 214 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,821 Hey, now, there's a fun guy. 215 00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:46,826 Well, he's not having the kind of fun you're talking about, 216 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:50,830 laughing and giggling and running barefoot through fields. 217 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,832 That's woman's fun. 218 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:54,876 Woman's fun? 219 00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:58,212 Yeah. Yeah, Coach is having men fun. 220 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:02,842 I mean, he's active, he's working hard, he's getting the job done. 221 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,635 Do you believe anything you're saying? 222 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:07,764 No, I'm lying, but that's another men fun thing to do. 223 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,435 - I am going to go talk to the Coach. - No, no, come on. 224 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:15,688 - Just leave him alone. Leave him. - Sam, he's obsessing. 225 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:16,731 I know all the signs. 226 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:20,401 I had a small obsession myself until I got some help. 227 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,903 - You did? - Yes. 228 00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:25,073 I was obsessive-compulsive about neatness. 229 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:28,201 I demanded that everything be in its proper place. 230 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:29,702 But now look at the-- 231 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,247 Look at the laissez-faire attitude I have about my apron. 232 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,416 Now, in the old days, I would have insisted 233 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:39,253 that it be pencil, pen, pencil, pen, pad. 234 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,839 Well, now it doesn't matter if it's 235 00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,384 pen, pencil, pen, pencil, pad. 236 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,761 Or pencil, pencil, pen, pen, pad. 237 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:49,722 Or even pencil, pen, pad, pencil, pen. 238 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,810 There's one thing I cannot have and that's this: 239 00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:56,687 Pad, pen, pen, pencil, pencil. 240 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:59,190 That's just irritating me. 241 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,576 Sam, we got any more of those antacid tablets? 242 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,663 Coach, you've been throwing down a lot of those recently. 243 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:16,582 Yeah, and a hell of a lot of good they've been doing me. 244 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,965 Hey, Coach. Hey, Coach, hey, it's kind of busy out here. 245 00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:25,800 - Are you working tonight? - Not a chance, Sam. 246 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:29,095 - We play our division rivals tomorrow. - Hey, wait. Wait a second. 247 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,681 You got a job here. I mean, if you're not gonna do your work, 248 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,391 I'm gonna have to replace you or something. 249 00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:36,352 Listen, Sam, do what you have to do, but stay out of my office. 250 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,776 - Maybe we both ought to go in. - Just let me do the talking. 251 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:47,447 - Oh, you won't even know I'm there. - Much like last night. 252 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:53,077 No, no, I'll save my left-hander for Saturday. 253 00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:56,789 What am I thinking about? I don't have a left-hander. 254 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,166 Coach. 255 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,128 Those boys are children. 256 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:07,467 And childhood is supposed to be a time when you're free to play a game 257 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:08,843 just for the fun of it. 258 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,887 - You know? - Fun. 259 00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:12,388 That's right. 260 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,849 Fun. That's it exactly. 261 00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,435 Fun. 262 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,855 That's why they're making all those mistakes. They're not having any fun. 263 00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:22,982 Well, they're gonna learn how to have fun, 264 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,984 or they're not gonna play an inning on my team. 265 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,736 Coach, Coach, Coach. 266 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,948 Sit down. Sit down right now. 267 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,159 Take a deep breath here. 268 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,995 Now, don't you think that you're--? 269 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,788 Coach, let it out. 270 00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:42,210 Don't you think that you're overdoing this a little bit? 271 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,670 Sam, come on, you know what it takes to win ball games. 272 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,089 Coach. Coach, you're doing this 273 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,883 because you think you have to make up for the fact 274 00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:52,637 that you never made it in the big leagues. But you don't have to do that. 275 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:55,264 I mean, you were a damn good coach. 276 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,849 - I was? - You bet. 277 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,769 And it wasn't because you were tough. It was because you cared. 278 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:03,439 I mean, my God, how many times did you walk me up and down 279 00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:07,735 the locker room before games, pouring coffee down my throat? 280 00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:10,404 No one else would have bothered to do that. 281 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:14,033 You're right, Sam. I was a lovely man. 282 00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:16,869 But it's not enough, Sam. 283 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,705 Look, I'm a contender for the championship, Sam. 284 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:23,459 Look, when I go out there, all those parents, Sam, they cheer for me. 285 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,921 - They cheer me on. - Really? 286 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:31,592 Now, after all we've been through, you're asking me to give all that up? 287 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:35,054 - Well, I-- - Coach, tell us this. 288 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:40,726 Sure, you walk out there, and you hear the cheers. 289 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,687 But what is it costing you, Coach? 290 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,899 Well, let's see, I had to buy a jock strap... 291 00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:49,860 Hey, how's my baby? 292 00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:54,865 - I'm fine, honey, but I'm a little busy. - Carla, come on in. 293 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,411 - I'm just gonna check her out. - Okay. 294 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,330 Coach. 295 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,334 You do what you want with your team. 296 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,795 - Thank you, Sam. - Where are you going? 297 00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,381 - Oh, please, leave me alone. - Sam. 298 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,845 Oh, there, there, Lucia. 299 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:20,433 - Now, doesn't that feel better? - I wish I could do that. 300 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,066 There, there, Coach. 301 00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,862 - Thanks, Carla. - My pleasure. 302 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,700 Sam? 303 00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:40,369 You're not going to accept that? 304 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,413 Look-- 305 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,790 What is the problem you're trying to solve here? 306 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:48,169 I mean, the Coach is happy, the families are happy, 307 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,837 the kids are happy-- 308 00:18:50,004 --> 00:18:53,549 Here, here. Here are Coach's happy little players right now. Hey. 309 00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:56,010 Are you on the sauce again? 310 00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:57,762 We're miserable. 311 00:18:57,928 --> 00:19:01,515 Yeah, we came to quit. We can't stand it anymore. 312 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,517 Yeah, and the pressure's getting to us. 313 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:04,852 Yeah. 314 00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:07,438 All right. Maybe you-- 315 00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,232 Maybe you guys ought to tell the Coach to his face. 316 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,610 Yeah, we'd like to do something else to his face. 317 00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,820 - Yeah. - What are you guys doing here? 318 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,698 They came by to quit. 319 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:20,242 Well, forget it, Diane. Nobody's quitting. 320 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:23,412 Well, I am. I can't take it anymore. 321 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:28,334 You're too hard on me. I can't sleep. My pets hate me. 322 00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:31,420 I'm starting to smoke again. 323 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,842 I have had enough, and I'm through. 324 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,178 - Me too. - Yeah. 325 00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,305 - So you're gonna quit, huh? - Yeah. 326 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,683 That's what I got on my hands, a bunch of quitters, huh? 327 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,434 - Yeah. - Well, go ahead and quit. 328 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:48,854 I can go it alone. Who needs you? Go on. Get out of here. Quit. 329 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:49,980 - Thank you. - Quit. 330 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,149 - Nice guy. - Get back here! 331 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,944 Line up against that bar, all of you. 332 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,862 Hut. 333 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:01,534 Now, I got a little story for you. 334 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:05,329 And I hope it just sticks with you for the rest of your life. 335 00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,582 Sam, what's a good story? 336 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,669 I don't know. 337 00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,838 What's a good story? 338 00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:18,634 Well, Coach, why don't you tell them a story about a real mean guy? 339 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,428 - Mean guy? - Yeah. 340 00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:23,180 Hey, the one you used to tell me, the Pledge of Allegiance. 341 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,890 Oh, him. 342 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,857 Listen, when I was a kid in school, just about your age, 343 00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:37,653 I had this teacher, a real mean guy, a guy named Mr. Spires. 344 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:40,656 He always wanted me to learn the Pledge of Allegiance. 345 00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:45,035 And one day in assembly hall he had me say it in front of the whole school. 346 00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:48,581 I had stayed up the whole night before trying to learn it. 347 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:53,461 But when I got up on that stage, I drew a complete blank. I was lost. 348 00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,755 And this Mr. Spires guy says: 349 00:20:55,921 --> 00:21:00,843 "Nobody in this auditorium is gonna leave until Pantusso remembers." 350 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,221 I stood there, and it seemed like forever, 351 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,724 with everybody laughing at me. 352 00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:10,728 It was probably the worst day of my life. 353 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:25,826 And the point, Coach, is that you finally did learn the Pledge of Allegiance? 354 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:28,037 No, Sam, I never learned it. 355 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:32,625 Yeah, but you respected Mr. Spires for trying to help you. 356 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,419 No, I hated his guts, Sam. 357 00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:37,963 But looking back on it now, you respect him for it. 358 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:41,717 No, no, he died, and I was glad he died. 359 00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:48,891 Thank you, Coach, I'm sure the guys enjoyed that inspiring story. 360 00:21:49,183 --> 00:21:50,893 I guess I must have said the wrong story, huh? 361 00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:54,188 - Well, I don't know-- - No, Coach, you told the right story. 362 00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:56,732 Well, why did I say it? 363 00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:58,734 Because you don't want these guys to leave here 364 00:21:58,901 --> 00:22:01,779 hating you like you hated Mr. Spires. 365 00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:05,324 Holy mackerel. 366 00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:12,790 So that's what you had on your minds, huh? 367 00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:14,416 Well, listen to me. 368 00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:18,003 Nobody but nobody's gonna turn me into a Mr. Spires. 369 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,255 You understand? 370 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,757 And, Coach, there's gonna be some changes around here. 371 00:22:21,924 --> 00:22:23,968 Yeah, you bet your boots there's gonna be some changes. 372 00:22:24,134 --> 00:22:28,138 From now on there will be no two-a-day practices, you understand? 373 00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,391 You're lucky if you're gonna get two a week. 374 00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:34,562 And any game we play, everybody plays, 375 00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:36,647 even the lousy ones, like you, Peewee. 376 00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:43,737 You got it? And if we win, we win. And if we lose, well, tough noogies. 377 00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:46,824 Shut up. 378 00:22:46,991 --> 00:22:50,327 Carla, give these guys sodas till they drop. 379 00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:52,705 And I'm buying it. 380 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:57,835 Shut up. Shut up. Turn around and have your sodas. 381 00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:01,046 Diane, 382 00:23:01,672 --> 00:23:03,465 if we lose tomorrow, it's your butt. 383 00:23:06,969 --> 00:23:08,345 You've made me so happy. 384 00:23:08,554 --> 00:23:10,222 - We finally got our Coach back. - Yeah. 385 00:23:10,472 --> 00:23:13,851 Yeah, things are gonna be even better than they were before. 386 00:23:14,018 --> 00:23:17,104 Oh, there's beauty in art. There's beauty in nature. 387 00:23:17,271 --> 00:23:19,565 I think that applies to human nature too. 388 00:23:19,732 --> 00:23:21,650 Things are allowed to take their own course. 389 00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:25,195 We have to be tolerant of each other. We have to be open-- 390 00:23:25,362 --> 00:23:27,823 Your pad's upside down.