1
00:00:01,293 --> 00:00:04,213
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,594
Morning, Norm.
3
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,804
Morning, Sam.
4
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:16,475
- Coffee's on.
- Great. Any calls?
5
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:19,686
Vera called this morning.
6
00:00:19,895 --> 00:00:22,564
Oh, yeah?
You guys gonna patch it up?
7
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:26,193
No. She just wanted to reach out
and nag someone.
8
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,285
Come on, admit it, Norm.
You miss her.
9
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:39,081
Yeah. Yeah, I do miss her.
10
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,416
Matter of fact, Sam,
there's only one thing
11
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:43,710
that keeps me from
taking her back right now.
12
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,838
- She kicked you out on your butt.
- Right.
13
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,592
Sammy, I appreciate your letting
me crash here for a while.
14
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,803
- Don't mention it.
- When I get back on my feet,
15
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,138
I insist on paying you
some kind of rent. All right?
16
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,182
Hey, come on, Norm,
that's not necessary.
17
00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:59,268
Come on.
I have my pride to consider. Please.
18
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:03,522
All right. You can pay me
a dollar a month.
19
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,149
For what?
20
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,237
All right, how about 50 cents?
21
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,322
All right, fine. No cleaning deposit.
22
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:16,285
- We're low on cream, Sam--
- Yeah, I'll get right on it.
23
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,745
No-- No rush, no rush.
24
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,248
Coach, do you know who that is?
25
00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,879
Who, the guy with Dick Cavett?
26
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,261
Coach, that's Dick Cavett.
27
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:01,014
Yeah, it is him.
28
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:06,103
Yeah, lecturer, talk-show host,
raconteur, short guy.
29
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,524
Kind of cute for a brainiac.
30
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,151
I used to watch him on PBS.
31
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,449
You watch PBS?
32
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:23,328
Sure. There's that one show
I used to love in particular.
33
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:24,496
Which one?
34
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:26,748
Well, the one with all the girls
answering the phones.
35
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:37,509
I wonder what Dick Cavett's
doing in Boston.
36
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,680
I don't like the look on her face.
37
00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:44,266
I haven't seen one I do like.
38
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:47,853
Oh, look at this. What a shame.
39
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,855
Scooter McGrath died.
Heart attack.
40
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,565
Oh, who was he, Coach?
41
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,526
An old teammate of mine, Carla.
Nice guy.
42
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:55,944
Oh, Coach, I'm sorry to hear that.
43
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:58,405
Yeah, well, you know,
Scooter had a lot of bad habits.
44
00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,449
He probably got himself
out of shape.
45
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,075
Yeah, well, there you go, Coach.
46
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:05,162
Just goes to show you, you know,
everybody needs a little bit of exercise.
47
00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:08,165
Yeah, I could sure
use something, Cliffo.
48
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:11,543
- What do you recommend?
- Well... Oh, you could do what I do.
49
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:14,296
It's prehensile isotonic geometrics.
50
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,841
Prehensile isotonic geometrics.
51
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:19,634
What is it?
52
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:22,679
Well, it's muscle tension
under constant contraction.
53
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,265
See, the beauty of it is
you can do it anytime, anywhere,
54
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,559
but you don't perspire.
55
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,145
- You wanna give it a shot, Coach?
- Yeah, sure.
56
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,773
Yeah, okay. So choose a muscle
and when I say, "Go,"
57
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,858
- flex it for 60 seconds. Right?
- Right.
58
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,109
One, two, three, go.
59
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,367
I saw this on Twilight Zone once.
60
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,581
Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing
you're Dick Cavett.
61
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:52,709
Hi. Well, I couldn't help
being Dick Cavett.
62
00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:56,797
Wit. My ears hunger for it.
63
00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:02,677
Being an aspiring poetess,
I, of course, enjoyed your interviews
64
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:06,640
with all those wonderful
writers and poets.
65
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:10,060
I will never forget the night
that that Russian poet decided
66
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,938
- to defect right on your stage.
- Yeah, that was a great moment.
67
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,815
Upset the cleaning crew a little.
68
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,151
You goose.
69
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,199
So, what brings you to our hostelry?
70
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:27,536
Well, if you must know,
and I gather you must,
71
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:30,664
I'm doing a book-signing party
over at the Copley Plaza.
72
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,542
Yes, yes, your new book.
It's wonderful.
73
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,294
- Have you read it?
- No, I can only imagine.
74
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:43,635
You-- You must have a lot of close
and dear friends
75
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,720
who are in the publishing world.
76
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:46,888
A few.
77
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:53,562
Wouldn't it be a great thrill for you
to run across a budding poetic genius?
78
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,190
Only if I were wearing cleats.
79
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,657
You don't know how I welcome
your sense of humor
80
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:08,118
in this desert of banality.
81
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:11,913
- Really? I wouldn't call this a desert.
- No?
82
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,874
No, a desert would be
an easier place to get a drink.
83
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,167
Oh, yes.
84
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:17,836
What can I get you?
85
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,629
Time's up, Coach.
86
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:21,798
So did it work, Coach?
87
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,384
No, Cliff, I was trying
to flex my gall bladder,
88
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:27,012
but I remembered it's in Providence.
89
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:32,684
That is the stupidest
exercise system I ever saw.
90
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,394
Yeah, stupid like a fox.
91
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,147
- How do you keep so trim, Carla?
- Sex.
92
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,359
You mean sex
is the greatest exercise?
93
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,738
No. I miss it so much I can't eat.
94
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,622
We ran together
95
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:55,916
Spring set the pace
96
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,626
Through the wild heather's bloom
97
00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,502
We stopped
98
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:02,213
Transfixed by a mayfly's flight
99
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,466
Is love not such
100
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,259
But easier to capture
101
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,053
"A bug", you said
102
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,180
Crushing it
103
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:13,975
I smiled, but just a little
104
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,896
Well, what did you think?
105
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:22,442
Well, it's--
It could use a little bit of--
106
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,111
What shall I say? It needs a little--
107
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,156
- Ambiguity, tension and paradox?
- Exactly.
108
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:32,535
Well, I think I solved that
with Ephemera II.
109
00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:37,749
The sky was gossamer
110
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,125
- Diane?
- Filling the world with--
111
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,251
- Diane?
- Yes.
112
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,962
Somebody wants you at another table.
113
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,546
- Who?
- Everybody at this one.
114
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,090
Come on.
115
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,092
Come on. Scoot, come on.
116
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:53,390
I'm sorry about that, Mr. Cavett.
She gets a little overexcited sometimes.
117
00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:56,267
- That's all right. Happens all the time.
- I'm Sam Malone.
118
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,938
I'm the owner of the bar here. You want
anything, you just call me. All right?
119
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,732
- Hey, wait. Sam Malone?
- Yeah.
120
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:06,403
- You used to play baseball?
- Yeah, that's right.
121
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:07,612
- Yeah.
- You remember me?
122
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,364
Sure. I saw you pitch once
in Yankee Stadium.
123
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:10,949
- Is that right?
- Yeah.
124
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,201
- Did I have a good night?
- I hope so. You had a lousy day.
125
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:21,710
As I remember, you hit three batters
and gave up back-to-back homers.
126
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,379
- Do you remember that game?
- I had a drinking problem
127
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,381
back in those days.
128
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,426
There are a few things
I don't remember,
129
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,637
like 1974, 1975.
130
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,723
'75, the year
you won the pennant.
131
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:37,142
We did? Well, hey.
How about that, huh?
132
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,310
Is that right?
133
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,772
- Well, you certainly seem fine now.
- Yeah, well, I finally kicked it.
134
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:44,983
Listen, if you want anything,
you just give a holler.
135
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,776
- Okay, Sam.
- Okay.
136
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:51,698
Say, Sam?
137
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,825
- I wanna thank you for everything.
- You bet.
138
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,452
Pleasure meeting you.
139
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:57,787
Say...
140
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,584
Has it ever occurred to you that there
might be some public interest
141
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:03,877
in your life story?
142
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,171
Oh, you mean because
of my baseball career
143
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,966
and my battle against alcohol
and the irony of owning a bar now?
144
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:11,426
- That's right.
- Never crossed my mind.
145
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:14,429
How about this?
146
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:17,390
Type up 50 pages, submit it to me,
I'll show it to a publisher.
147
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:18,808
They're always looking for a good story.
148
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:21,644
Hey, that's great.
149
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:23,897
Why you doing this for me?
150
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:26,357
Well, I like to encourage
young writers, you know,
151
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,611
especially one who has a potential
of being inferior to me.
152
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,281
Hey, thank you very much,
Mr. Cavett.
153
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,492
- Hey, guys, did you hear that?
- What?
154
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,661
Mr. Cavett's gonna help me
get my life story published.
155
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,289
Diane, did you--?
156
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:50,298
The man was just starting to fall
under the thrall of my poetry
157
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:53,676
when you distracted him
with your own miserable life.
158
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,596
Come on, sweetheart,
it wasn't anything like that.
159
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,056
I mean, it was his idea.
160
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,683
Well, it's still ridiculous.
161
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:04,562
Sam, the written word
is very special to me.
162
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:08,942
To you, it's nothing more than
a means of finding the men's room.
163
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,027
Now, come on.
164
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,697
Listen, I wrote pretty good
in high school.
165
00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,699
You didn't write pretty good.
166
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,702
You wrote pretty well.
167
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,497
Gee, I wish she'd make up her mind.
168
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,625
Wait a second here.
Listen, I got an idea.
169
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:31,589
You're a pretty go-- well writer.
Why--? Why don't we--?
170
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,426
Listen, why don't you help me
write this thing?
171
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,762
Please?
172
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,390
You're just feeling sorry for me.
173
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,725
No, I'm not. Listen, I am not.
174
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,022
Come here. Come here.
175
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:55,155
Look, I threw away my chance
to be a famous guy once.
176
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,782
Maybe you could help me this time.
177
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,200
Please?
178
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,582
- Well, it would be good experience.
- Yeah.
179
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,501
However, I would insist
on an "as told to" credit.
180
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,171
Okay. Hey, listen,
I think this is gonna be great.
181
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,965
You and I make such a wonderful team
in every other way, huh?
182
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,801
Come on, Sam. Now, do you wanna
fool around, or you wanna write?
183
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,429
Well, I thought I could do one,
and you could do the other.
184
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,683
- Let's get started.
- All right. Hey.
185
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,395
Moonglow?
186
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,856
Moonglow Peterson, is that you?
187
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,693
It's me, Wally Bodell.
188
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,487
Wally Bodell?
From Dean Acheson High?
189
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,364
- One and the same.
- All right.
190
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,116
- Hey.
- Well, I'll be.
191
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,160
- I haven't seen you since high school.
- Yeah.
192
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,537
Yeah, you put on a few pounds, pal.
193
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:47,874
You lost a few.
194
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:53,296
Yeah, you know,
I work out a little bit, you know?
195
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:54,923
Oh, yes.
196
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,717
- It is good seeing you, Moonglow.
- Yeah. Good to see you.
197
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:58,968
Moonglow, huh?
198
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:01,179
Yeah, well, we wrestled together
in high school.
199
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:03,431
Yeah, and in the state tournament,
200
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,851
his opponent accidentally yanked off
Norm's trunks.
201
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:11,105
Well, don't laugh.
That's how I first caught Vera's eye.
202
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:13,358
- Well, let me get you a beer here.
- I got some.
203
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:14,484
Oh, good, good, good.
204
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:15,902
- Old Vera.
- Yeah.
205
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,988
Boy, you know, Norm and I competed
for Vera all through high school.
206
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:20,323
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
207
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:23,243
- What ever happened to her, huh, Norm?
- Married her.
208
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,286
Married the hell out of her.
209
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,710
Actually, Wally, Vera and I
are kind of separated right now.
210
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,128
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
211
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,507
Oh, that's too bad. Too bad.
212
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,801
Hey, you wouldn't mind if I just sort of
213
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,761
dropped by and said hello to her,
would you?
214
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:43,263
Mind?
215
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,932
Hell, no, she's nothing to me now.
216
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,600
- Don't worry about it.
- That's right.
217
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,395
He's going out with a girl that's a lot
better than that old Vera.
218
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,521
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that old hag.
219
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,940
- And you can tell her too.
- Yeah. Damn right.
220
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,025
What's her name?
221
00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:57,610
- It's--
- Tanya.
222
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,445
Right, right, Tanya.
223
00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:02,115
Yeah. Tanya Cocoabutter.
224
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,246
Hey, well, you're sure you don't mind
if I drop by on Vera, huh?
225
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,081
- Sure.
- All right.
226
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,375
- I gotta go. Nice meeting you, Cliff.
- Hey, Wally.
227
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,461
- Yeah. Take care, Wally.
- Good seeing you. All right.
228
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,881
Hey, don't mention it, now.
229
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:27,265
Say, Norm, when are you
gonna bring Tanya by here?
230
00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:32,603
Hey, Normie, Normie,
what's the long face for?
231
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,230
What's the matter?
232
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,274
You guys don't know Wally like I do.
233
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,359
He moves fast.
234
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,571
I wonder if Vera will let me
kiss the bride at their wedding.
235
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,531
Well, I'm sure she will, Normie.
236
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,034
She didn't at ours.
237
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,871
Of course, you know,
I didn't try that hard.
238
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,965
Boy, I feel terrific.
239
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,134
- Been exercising, Coach?
- Yeah.
240
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:05,803
I just came back
from doing some laps in the pool.
241
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,764
How many are you up to?
242
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,308
Three. Takes about an hour.
243
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,311
Coach, that's kind of slow, isn't it?
244
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:17,190
I could run a hell of a lot faster
if they got the water out of there.
245
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,821
Well, you know what they say, Coach.
246
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,406
Healthy body, healthy mind.
247
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,242
- Pick one you got a good shot at.
- Right.
248
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,996
I never felt better. I'm telling you,
I feel 20 years old again.
249
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,664
- Good for you, Coach.
- Carla, listen.
250
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,334
I bet you I could do
handstand pushups right now,
251
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,002
and I haven't done any in years.
252
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,671
- I'm gonna try it.
- Oh, Coach. You be careful there.
253
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,965
- You might hurt something.
- I gotta try it, Cliffo.
254
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,304
Now let me try it one-handed.
255
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,765
I still got the old touch.
256
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,475
Coach, what the hell are you doing?
257
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,060
Handstand pushups, Sam.
258
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,895
Like I used to do in spring training.
259
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,815
Coach, you never did
handstand pushups in spring training.
260
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,358
That was Johnny Driscoll.
261
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,860
Oh, yeah, Johnny Driscoll.
262
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,865
Are you okay?
263
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,367
Yeah, Carla, I'm okay.
264
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:10,993
Thanks to Sam.
265
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,539
Oh, yeah?
266
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,582
Yeah, I got a kick out of it.
267
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,376
Yeah.
268
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:19,794
Don't worry about it.
269
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,379
I'll be here.
270
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:22,839
Yeah.
271
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,385
- Who's that on the phone?
- Wally Bodell.
272
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,387
Guess he didn't like my little prank.
273
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:33,474
- What did you do, Norm?
- Told the cops he was holding dope.
274
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,227
You'd think the guy had never been
strip-searched before.
275
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,353
What a sorehead.
276
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:40,106
Normie, how could you
do a thing like that, huh?
277
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,358
Guy's getting on my nerves.
278
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,569
He's really putting the moves
on Vera.
279
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:47,488
Every time I drive by the house,
his damn car's in the driveway.
280
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,074
Oh, so he's coming down here now, huh?
281
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,034
Yeah, gonna talk things over
a little bit.
282
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,120
Good idea, Norm.
You have a little talk,
283
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,789
you punctuate it
with a fist in his face.
284
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,417
Yeah, she might have a point
there, Normie.
285
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,544
I mean, you've sort of hit bottom now,
286
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,880
so it's time to make repairs,
fix the old engine
287
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,423
and get back out on that highway.
288
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:08,092
Don't tell me you wrecked
the car too, Normie.
289
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,428
No, Coach, it's a metaphor.
290
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,222
Those are the hardest
to get parts for.
291
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,019
Hey, Diane. He's here.
292
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:21,981
Mr. Cavett?
293
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:24,358
- Richard.
- Oh, yeah. Hi.
294
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:25,985
Thanks for coming on down.
295
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,361
- This is great.
- That's okay.
296
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:31,282
Say, I'm a little late for a meeting,
so I can't stay very long, Sam, but
297
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:34,452
well, I-- I thought you'd probably
be anxious to hear the verdict.
298
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:35,786
Guilty.
299
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:38,789
I'm sorry.
300
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,792
We're both a little bit nervous here.
What did you think?
301
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:45,630
Well, I-- I thought the writing
was competent,
302
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:48,090
you know,
a little undisciplined in places,
303
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,551
but still, it has a certain energy to it,
304
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,470
and...
305
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,639
- That's great.
- Thank you.
306
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,557
I take it you're Sam's coauthor?
307
00:16:56,933 --> 00:17:01,020
Miss "Jessica Simpson-Bourget"?
308
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:04,899
Diane Chambers.
309
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,902
I was only hiding
behind that nom de plume
310
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,196
until I made sure that you liked it.
311
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,573
- Yeah.
- I did just find that out, didn't I?
312
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,535
How can I put this, Jessica?
313
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,497
- You don't like it?
- Well, I liked it.
314
00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:23,125
It-- it shows a great deal
of promise and--
315
00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:25,503
But you're not going to give it
to your publisher?
316
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,588
Well, I'm afraid not.
317
00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:28,965
How come?
318
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:31,217
Well, I sounded him out
about it, but he,
319
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:34,720
he feels it's a little tame.
Not controversial enough.
320
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,306
Well, what about
the booze problem?
321
00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:39,517
Well, I guess booze
isn't enough these days.
322
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:40,893
Maybe ten years ago, but,
323
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,688
you know, nowadays they're looking
for something a little more spicy,
324
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,232
drugs, homosexuality,
a little perversion.
325
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,361
Oh, sorry I didn't get out more.
326
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,531
You know what, though?
There is an inference in here
327
00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:56,117
that you were a bit of a playboy
during your career.
328
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,536
Playboy? Hell, yes.
329
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,329
Well, kind of.
330
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:04,542
What I was gonna say was you seem
to kind of shy away from that in here,
331
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,003
and, well, the cold fact is, sex sells.
332
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,547
Now, of course, my publisher
wouldn't be interested in it,
333
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:12,550
but there are plenty who would, and,
you know, it might be worth the chance.
334
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:15,261
Anyway, I'll say goodbye now.
I gotta run along.
335
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,096
Okay.
336
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,558
Well, thank you, anyway,
for coming down here, Mr. Cavett.
337
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:21,934
Oh sure, sure.
338
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:23,477
Ta-ta, Richard.
339
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:26,939
Well, hey, what do you say
we get started here, huh?
340
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:29,650
Started on what?
341
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:32,987
Well, on what Mr. Cavett
was talking about here.
342
00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:34,530
Spicing this thing up a little bit.
343
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:36,282
Sam,
344
00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:39,493
I'm not going to have
my first published manuscript
345
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:42,580
be a memoir full of luridities.
346
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,374
Oh, no-- No, sweetheart, I think what
he was talking about was--
347
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,878
I know what he was talking about.
348
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,006
Hey-- Hey, come on, Diane.
349
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:55,134
I mean, if we get published,
this could mean a whole new life for me.
350
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,344
For you too.
351
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:03,643
No, no, I would never prostitute
my talents that way.
352
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:08,189
Well, would
Jessica Simpson-Bourget?
353
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,900
That little smut-peddler?
354
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,819
In a minute.
355
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,698
- I got some paper in the office.
- Okay.
356
00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:21,035
If they want steam,
I'll give them steam.
357
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:24,163
I'm going to use every weapon
in my literary arsenal
358
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:29,168
to make their tongues hang out
in unbridled desire.
359
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,545
Coach, we don't wanna be bothered.
360
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:33,798
Who does?
361
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:40,888
Norm.
362
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:43,766
He's here.
363
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,434
Hey, here comes Black Bart,
364
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:47,561
and this town ain't big enough
for both of you.
365
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,315
Of course, what town is?
366
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:59,907
You wanted to see me, Moonglow?
367
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,660
Go get him, Norm.
368
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:06,580
Yeah, I wanted to just talk.
369
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:09,458
Talk's cheap.
Throw some hands.
370
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,253
He wants you to leave
his woman alone.
371
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,422
So you don't like me
seeing Vera, huh?
372
00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,215
- No.
- No.
373
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:21,011
I'm not real wild about it, frankly.
374
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,723
There's something
you ought to know, Norm.
375
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,517
I like Vera a lot.
376
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:31,105
Yeah? How'd you like
the state trooper with the icy hands?
377
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,069
It had its moments.
378
00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:44,535
You know, you're as big a dink
as you were in high school, Peterson.
379
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,996
- Remodel his face.
- Positions.
380
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,207
Oh, you're in trouble, Bodell.
381
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,293
Hey, come on, you guys.
382
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:53,711
Pin him. Pin him.
383
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:55,296
Take this outside, will you?
384
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,298
Back off, Coach.
I'm fighting for my woman.
385
00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,468
Yeah, winner gets Vera.
386
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,808
Get him, Norm.
387
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:27,661
It's not exactly Frazier-Ali, is it?
388
00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:33,042
Give?
389
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,961
- No, you?
- No.
390
00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,549
Coach, a glass of water, please.
391
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,184
Boy, can I write.
392
00:22:11,539 --> 00:22:13,541
One, two, three.
393
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,459
It's over.
394
00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:25,469
- I did it.
- Way to go, Normie.
395
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:29,640
Now take what's left of your self-respect
and clear out of here.
396
00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:35,604
All right, Moonglow.
397
00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:39,191
All right, you beat me,
just like you used to in high school.
398
00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:45,489
We still friends?
399
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:48,576
Hey, don't let
a seven-and-a-half-hour hug
400
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,619
give you the wrong idea.
401
00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:55,040
Congratulations, Norm.
You won Vera.
402
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:56,542
Who?
403
00:22:57,585 --> 00:23:00,004
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
That's what we're fighting for, yeah.
404
00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:01,755
I'll have to tell her about it
when I see her.
405
00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:05,509
Norm, go to that phone
and call Vera.
406
00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:08,304
Yeah.
407
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:13,934
I guess I should.
I'd rather have a trophy, but...
408
00:23:22,693 --> 00:23:25,321
Boy, does she write good.