1 00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:03,587 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:07,591 A gift. 3 00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,801 - Who's it for? - It's for Harry. 4 00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:14,389 Why are you giving a gift to that con man? 5 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:17,017 To pay him back for all the times he's conned us. 6 00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:19,436 Coach found a trick wallet in a novelty shop. 7 00:00:19,603 --> 00:00:22,564 Yeah, what you do is, you open it up, see, honey, and... 8 00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:26,068 flames come up right up to your face. 9 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,445 - Isn't this a little cruel? - No. 10 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,531 No, no, it's harmless really. 11 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:33,200 That's why we didn't give it to you. 12 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,745 - He's coming. Here he comes. - Okay. 13 00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,623 Hey, Harry! 14 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,459 Boy, am I glad to see you, Harry. 15 00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:44,545 - You are? - You bet. Are you kidding me? 16 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,965 You are a valued customer and a friend. 17 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,759 I was feeling kind of bad about all the times I kicked you out of here, 18 00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:53,554 so I just wanted to show you there was no bad blood between us. 19 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:57,266 - It's from all of us. - For me? 20 00:00:57,474 --> 00:01:01,061 Well, gosh, guys, I never expected anything like this. 21 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:04,815 I mean, no one's ever given me anything voluntarily. 22 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,234 - Should I save it for Christmas? - No, no, please, Harry. 23 00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:10,070 Open it now, really. Come on, it's a hot one. 24 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,243 Oh, it's a wallet. 25 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:19,413 - Well, it's just a little gesture. - It's beautiful. 26 00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,290 I can't wait. 27 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,458 I'm so touched. 28 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:26,420 Hey, don't mention it. 29 00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:29,047 Gee, Harry, aren't you gonna open it? 30 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,549 Oh, sure. 31 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,969 Harry, back from your face a little, so we can all see. 32 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:43,937 - Gee, it was funnier in the store. - There must be 50 or 60 bucks here. 33 00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:45,814 You guys are too much. 34 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:50,193 I'll never forget this. Thanks a lot. Gosh. 35 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,740 Did that wallet look familiar to anybody? 36 00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:00,871 - Your beer! Use the beer! - Don't you dare. 37 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:18,532 Come on, you guys, my boyfriend has been dying to see this Hagler fellow, 38 00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:21,827 and how's a waitress like me gonna come up with $200? 39 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,829 - Come on. - I don't care what you do, lady, 40 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,456 we can scalp these tickets at the arena. 41 00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:30,293 Oh, okay, I'll pay. I'll pay the $200. 42 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,920 Coach, will you give me my purse, please? 43 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,673 I still think it's exorbitant for a prizefight. 44 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,758 Hey, it's Marvin Hagler. 45 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:40,303 - It's the prizefight of the year. - Yeah, yeah. 46 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,723 I assume that a check will do? 47 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,641 Yeah, anything. 48 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:49,271 Make it out to "Phil Keppler Medical Corporation." 49 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:55,485 I thought I recognized that natural compassion, doctor. 50 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,662 He's a lucky man. By the way, 51 00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:09,040 I could remove that little thing in my office in about 30 minutes. 52 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,843 - Sammy? - Yes. 53 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,762 Surprise. 54 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,976 Don't tell me. The exhibit of Norwegian woodcuts is back in town. 55 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:34,107 - Holy moly. - What is it, Sam? 56 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,693 - Look at this. - Holy moly. 57 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:41,323 - Surely it's not that big a thing. - Are you kidding me? Look. 58 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,408 - Holy moly. - Holy moly. 59 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,953 Boy, how'd you do it? I mean, these things are impossible to get. 60 00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,288 Well, it wasn't easy. 61 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:51,416 They originally belonged to two young men in the bar, 62 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,710 but after I was finished waiting on them-- 63 00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:56,171 They were two old men. 64 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,967 They succumbed to my charms. 65 00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,470 Oh, they were two blind men. 66 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,391 Thank you so much. 67 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:11,520 Later on tonight you can redeem that for a real thank-you. 68 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:14,189 Know what I mean? Come on, let's go. 69 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,900 - We don't have that much time. - Oh, Sam, there's one proviso 70 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:18,276 with the fight tickets. 71 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:22,322 That you not take me with you or tell me about it later. 72 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,450 Okay. Gee, I wonder who I should take. 73 00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:33,291 Yeah. 74 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,294 All right, you guys, I gotta change. You figure this out amongst yourselves. 75 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:39,297 I cannot believe I'm going to the Hagler fight. 76 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,801 Oh, Diane, I love you. 77 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,306 All right, we got one ticket and four guys. 78 00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:50,475 - What are we gonna do? - I got a great idea, right? 79 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,561 I think of a number from one to ten. 80 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,521 Who comes the closest gets to go with Sam. 81 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,523 - Fair enough. - Fair enough? Okay? 82 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,316 - Normie. - Seven. 83 00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,442 - Carla? - Nine. 84 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,361 - Cliff? - Two. 85 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,196 I'll say three. 86 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:09,452 Wait a minute, Coach, you can't say anything. You know what it is. 87 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:12,080 - I know. It's six. - Why'd you say three? 88 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,165 Three's my lucky number. 89 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,252 Hey, now, Coach, I want in on this too. 90 00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,379 - Get away from me! - Get out of here! 91 00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:24,634 Sam. 92 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,262 - Sam? - I don't know about this new cologne 93 00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:31,308 you bought me, Diane. One or two showers, and it's all gone. 94 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,942 Sam, I want you to know 95 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,612 that what you just said out there just now 96 00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,698 set my heart to pounding. 97 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,493 Boy, one thinks one knows oneself, 98 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,746 but all those preconceptions fly out the window 99 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,831 when the man in your life says "I love you." 100 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,460 Who said that? 101 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:02,464 You did. 102 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,300 Oh, hey, honey, don't worry about that. 103 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,218 That doesn't mean anything. 104 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,391 - It doesn't? - Oh, no. 105 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:16,311 I've used that as a line on 100 girls. 106 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,107 You've never said it to me. 107 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:23,860 Are you kidding? I wouldn't waste a line on you. 108 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,322 Now, what I mean by that is 109 00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:31,159 is you're not the kind of girl that you use a line on. 110 00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:34,996 You're the kind of girl that falls for sincerity. 111 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,207 I don't mean that either. 112 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,334 Come on, it's just something I say. 113 00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,336 "I love you." I say it to the Coach all the time. 114 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,172 I say it to anybody who gets me tickets to the Hagler fight. 115 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,549 I just say it. That's all. 116 00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,718 Sam, get back in here. 117 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,933 I think I know what you're saying. 118 00:07:55,141 --> 00:08:00,063 When I and everyone else in the world say "I love you," 119 00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:03,858 we are opening up the very core of our being. 120 00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:09,531 When you say it, you are just clearing your throat. 121 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,075 Well put. 122 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:15,036 - Sam. - I'm getting confused here. 123 00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:17,497 You just gave me tickets to a fight that you know I wanna see, 124 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,082 and now you won't let me go see it. 125 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:22,043 What is this, some kind of test or something? 126 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,879 What does our relationship mean to you? 127 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,007 It means a lot. 128 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,303 - Go on. - Oh, thank you. 129 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,431 Sam, stop. 130 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:40,311 I have spent three months writing in my journal, filling page after page 131 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,313 with thoughts concerning us. 132 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,859 I have consumed entire weekends trying to discover 133 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,820 exactly what our relationship means. 134 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,823 And what do I get from you? "It means a lot." 135 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,660 - Can you see why I'm so furious? - Sure. 136 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,705 You work on it for months, and I get it just like that. 137 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,832 If you leave, we're through. 138 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,835 Don't give me ultimatums. I hate ultimatums. 139 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,171 You give me an ultimatum, and we're through. 140 00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:09,507 - What? - That's better. 141 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,676 - So? - So, Sammy, 142 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,345 guess who cut the high card for the extra ticket? 143 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,473 Come on, Harry. 144 00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:20,226 But please, Harry, don't get us in any trouble tonight. 145 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,395 Come on, Sam, I'll be good. 146 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,355 In fact, I'm driving. 147 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:26,524 What kind of car do you wanna take? 148 00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:44,042 She aches just like a woman 149 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:49,089 Queen Mary, she's my friend 150 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:56,721 Come on, Diane, I know you're up. Your candles are on. 151 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:04,437 - What do you want? - I wanna come in, I think. 152 00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,945 Insy-daisy. 153 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:18,910 Hey, hey. Wow, you're drunk. 154 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,871 Wow, you're stupid. 155 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,045 I'll be sober in the morning. 156 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,344 What are we drinking here, huh? 157 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,930 Vino. 158 00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:43,101 Listen, Diane, I know why you're doing this. 159 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,103 It's my fault, and I'm sorry. 160 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,272 - Don't flatter yourself. - No, it is, it is. 161 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,692 I mean, my walking out in the middle of an argument wasn't exactly-- 162 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,319 Boy, you know, when I was a kid, I used to have nightmares 163 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,113 about places like this. 164 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,992 Think you could...? Yeah. 165 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,163 No bats. 166 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:08,168 Listen, listen, I came over here for a reason. 167 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,713 I brought you this. Come on, it's a present. Open it up. 168 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,717 You bought me a present at this hour? 169 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,302 Hey, what's time? 170 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:21,431 When your lady's owed a present, she gets a present. 171 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,232 What is it? 172 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,443 It's a boxing-glove purse. 173 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:41,534 - How much did you pay for this? - Hey, price is no object. 174 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,286 Obviously. 175 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,748 Big shot. 176 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,292 Big athlete shot. 177 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,130 Boy, you really are bombed. I better get you some coffee here. 178 00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,716 I am bombed. 179 00:11:57,217 --> 00:12:03,056 But I have been doing some very clear thinking tonight... 180 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,225 ...about us. 181 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:09,229 I have decided... 182 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:13,483 ...that if it isn't worth examining what we have, 183 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,277 maybe we don't have anything. 184 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,155 Oh, come on, wait a minute here. 185 00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,241 You're not thinking about ending us, are you? 186 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,287 I'll have you know that when I was in high school... 187 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:31,334 ...I was voted the girl most likely to marry into old money. 188 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,506 Here, drink this. It'll make you feel better. 189 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,299 Nothing's gonna make me feel better, 190 00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:41,302 but this will make me feel better. 191 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,221 Okay, wait a minute. 192 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:47,100 Now, you're upset about my not thinking 193 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,435 about our relationship, am I right? 194 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,691 - Yes, sir. - All right. 195 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:57,193 I will start thinking about our relationship. 196 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,988 Maybe we should take some time off here. 197 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,823 You know, not see each other for a while. 198 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:05,410 That way I'll just have one thing on my mind the whole time. 199 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,204 One more than you usually have. 200 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:12,709 Come on, not now. Listen, how long should we take? 201 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,880 I don't know. 202 00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:19,465 A week would be nice. 203 00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:22,927 Oh, well, all right, all right, we'll split up for a week, 204 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:26,306 then we'll get back together and we'll compare thinks. 205 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,269 - Yes, sir. Fine. - Okay. 206 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,647 However, I must warn you, 207 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,609 if you come up with nothing, and I come up with nothing-- 208 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,237 Hey, come on, don't worry about that. 209 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:44,991 I'll come up with something. I promise. 210 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,661 You sure you're gonna be all right? 211 00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:50,621 Yes, sir. 212 00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,334 I'm not going to waste any time at all. 213 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:58,254 I'm going to start thinking right now. 214 00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:08,139 That's my girl. 215 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,694 I thought I was a disgusting drunk. 216 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:33,122 - What a night! - Well, it's not over yet here, Alan. 217 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:36,292 Everybody please step into Clifford's Poker Emporium. 218 00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:39,128 If you put a gun to my head, I couldn't remember the last time 219 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,797 I was in an all-night poker game. 220 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:44,133 Cliff, these cards you bought at the strip joint, 221 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,053 the sexy ladies are all wearing bikinis. 222 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:50,765 Yeah, that's right. You gotta rub it off with a dime there, Alan. 223 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:55,311 - Let me see, will you, Cliff? - Sure. 224 00:14:57,313 --> 00:15:00,900 Hey, there's something wrong here. I can't get the bikini off my girl. 225 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,319 Story of your life, big guy. 226 00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:09,158 Boy, I tell you, that's the first time I've ever been in the Combat Zone sober. 227 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,577 Just goes to show you... 228 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,996 ...you can still have a good time without drinking 229 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:17,583 as long as you're surrounded by naked broads 230 00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:20,002 shaking their wallies in your face. 231 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,004 Words to live by, gentlemen. 232 00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,006 Boy, we did have a good time, didn't we? 233 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:27,385 Well, it's all thanks to our fearless leader who won the chugging contest, 234 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:32,014 yelled crude remarks at the strippers and punched out a couple of bouncers. 235 00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:35,059 - Where is our leader anyway? - There she is right now. 236 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,311 Hey, Carla! 237 00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:42,191 Hey, Norm, you left these in the car. 238 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,280 Now, why did the stripper throw them at you, Norm? 239 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,532 Hey, women happen to be attracted to me, Alan. 240 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:53,870 Like moths to a flame, you know. Like honeybees to a flower. 241 00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,330 Like flies to a road apple. 242 00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,835 - Get out of here. - I blushed. 243 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,337 - Oh, boy. - Carla, 244 00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,882 how do you know so much about that Combat Zone? 245 00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:08,176 Oh, my ex always used to take me there. 246 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,261 He loved the theater. 247 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,971 You know... 248 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,765 ...we were actually there for the premiere 249 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,642 of College Girls Totally Nude. 250 00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:18,853 - No kidding. - Isn't this terrific? 251 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,146 I mean, the whole week. 252 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:24,692 Nothing against Diane, but it feels so good to get out with the guys again. 253 00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,194 Oh, yeah. 254 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,947 Sammy, you made a big mistake telling Diane "I love you." 255 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,283 You say that to a girl, they make a big deal out of it. 256 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,286 Say it to a guy, it doesn't mean anything at all. 257 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:38,080 Go ahead. Go ahead, say it to me, for example. 258 00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:40,291 Norm, I love you. 259 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,252 I was wrong. 260 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,132 Hey, well, time's running out there, Sammy. 261 00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,134 What are you gonna tell Diane 262 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,803 when she wants to hear the results of your thinking fest? 263 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,139 Boy, I don't know. You know, I've been thinking about it 264 00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,266 a million times, but I keep coming up with nothing. 265 00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:00,061 I mean, what's the big deal here? I don't need a week. 266 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,563 I mean, what was I known for when I was playing ball, huh? 267 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,690 Giving up tape-measure home runs? 268 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:08,236 - Chasing anything with a skirt? - Drinking yourself senseless? 269 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,321 Coming through in the clutch. 270 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:13,032 - Oh, right. - Right, that's it. 271 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,078 Yeah. No, no, I need the pressure, you know, 272 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:20,331 slugger at the plate, bases loaded, 273 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:24,502 thousands of fans chanting, "Mayday, Mayday, Mayday." 274 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:26,504 You'll see. You'll see. 275 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,214 Tomorrow will come, and I'll be there. 276 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,759 Well, it's getting on there, Sammy. Tomorrow's today. It's past midnight. 277 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:35,137 You don't think she's gonna come marching in now. Nobody's that crazy. 278 00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:37,265 Evening, everyone. 279 00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,184 I'm back. 280 00:17:40,351 --> 00:17:43,145 Mayday. Mayday. Mayday. 281 00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,652 Oh, Sam, I couldn't wait to see you 282 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:55,283 after an excruciating week of deep and torturous soul-searching. 283 00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:58,286 But I wouldn't wanna get in the way of your fun times. 284 00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:02,123 No, no, come on, you're right. It's a party. It's a victory party. 285 00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:03,624 You see, I got it. 286 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:06,419 - You got what? - Our relationship. 287 00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:09,213 I mean, tonight, all of a sudden, it came perfectly clear. 288 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,300 And I decided to celebrate there. 289 00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,678 Oh, Sam, that's wonderful. Well, tell me. 290 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,638 Oh, I can't wait to tell you. I can't wait. 291 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:22,059 But I just need a couple of minutes to polish it up. 292 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:26,063 It's pretty good, but I need to just rearrange the words just a little bit. 293 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,316 Two minutes? 294 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,568 - Of course. - All right. 295 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,237 Stall. 296 00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,826 - Diane. - Yeah, hi, guys. 297 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,286 You... 298 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,164 ...go anywhere? 299 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:47,335 Well, I spent some time at Cape Cod. 300 00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:48,878 I love it in winter. 301 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:54,175 Yeah, I have a theory about how Cape Cod was formed. 302 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,052 You know, geologically speaking... 303 00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:57,928 Excuse me. 304 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,266 Well? 305 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,563 Mayday. Mayday. Mayday. 306 00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:10,191 - Sam. - Oh, you surprised me. 307 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,859 I forgot what I was gonna say. 308 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:16,530 Well, I'm sorry. I'm just too excited. 309 00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:19,033 You have things to tell me. I have things to tell you. 310 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,743 Oh, tons. 311 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:25,498 So? 312 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:30,461 You know, one of the things I've discovered 313 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:34,131 is that I'm a very shy person. Do you mind going first? 314 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,926 Oh, well, of course not. 315 00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:40,346 - Great insight. - Yeah, thank you. 316 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:46,310 All right then, this is the way I'd describe our relationship. 317 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,230 It's more than like. 318 00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,941 Beyond fondness. 319 00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:58,572 Verging on deep affection. 320 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:02,952 There's a vital physical component 321 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,663 bordering on the passionate. 322 00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:08,499 However... 323 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:13,587 ...it has not reached the level at which we will abandon 324 00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:17,925 our reservations about a complete commitment. 325 00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:23,139 Well, that's how I see things. 326 00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:36,527 Ditto. 327 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:45,578 Ditto? 328 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:51,041 You're telling me I waited a week for "ditto"? 329 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,127 You took my answer. 330 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:58,299 No, no, all right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 331 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,135 No more stalling. 332 00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,179 I'll just tell you right here. 333 00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:10,311 I couldn't come up with anything. 334 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:14,273 I'm sorry. I really wanted to do this. 335 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,983 I don't understand. 336 00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:20,321 I'm usually so good under pressure, but I just drew a blank. 337 00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:27,787 Honey, I have no idea why we're together. 338 00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,665 Oh, Sam. 339 00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:35,836 Neither do I. 340 00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:41,091 - You don't? - I don't have a clue. 341 00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:45,221 - What about what you just said? - No, I read it in a book. 342 00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:50,100 It sounded nice, but it's not us. 343 00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:54,396 - Is it? - I don't know. I wasn't listening. 344 00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:57,358 Sam. 345 00:21:57,942 --> 00:22:00,361 Oh, please, please, whatever we do right now, 346 00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:02,488 don't say, "What are we doing?" 347 00:22:02,696 --> 00:22:04,824 What are we doing that I can't say, "What are we doing?" 348 00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:06,200 Here we go, here we go. 349 00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:10,412 I was going to say that it's totally hopeless. 350 00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:13,374 That I can't make any sense of our relationship at all. 351 00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:15,209 Why do we have to make any sense of it? 352 00:22:15,376 --> 00:22:18,212 I mean, I think it's stupid. Whenever you think too much about something, 353 00:22:18,379 --> 00:22:20,256 it loses all its sense. I mean obviously, 354 00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:22,675 the only reason why I'm with you is because I lo-- 355 00:22:25,803 --> 00:22:27,263 What, Sam? 356 00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:31,892 I said, the reason why I'm with you is because I lo-- 357 00:22:33,477 --> 00:22:34,687 You "lo--"? 358 00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:38,065 Well, you know what I mean. 359 00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:39,859 Well, what's the matter? Can't you say it? 360 00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:42,653 No, of course I can. I lo-- I lo-- I lo-- 361 00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:47,116 Don't you see? 362 00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:51,120 That phrase that you threw around so casually 363 00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:53,789 is now impossible for you to say. 364 00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:55,624 And why can't you say it? 365 00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:59,545 Because with me, it's no longer casual. 366 00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:02,131 I'm important to you. 367 00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:04,341 I matter. 368 00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:08,095 No, no, this is silly. I mean, I can say anything I wanna say. 369 00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:09,889 Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. 370 00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:12,516 A peck of pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick. See? 371 00:23:12,766 --> 00:23:14,351 - Okay, now say the other thing. - All right. 372 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,687 I lo-- I lo-- I lo-- 373 00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:23,777 Hey, everybody, Sam can't say he loves me. 374 00:23:26,030 --> 00:23:27,323 Who can?