1 00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:04,296 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,591 Afternoon, everybody. 3 00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,468 - Hey. - Norm! 4 00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,386 How's a beer sound, Norm? 5 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:14,264 I don't know, Coach. I usually finish them before they get a word in. 6 00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,602 Hey, Normie, aren't you a little bit dressed up 7 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,396 just to come in here and suck on taps all night? 8 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:24,733 Cliff ie, if you must know, I have other plans for this evening. 9 00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,276 I have a date. 10 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,571 - Who is it? - I don't know. It's a blind date. 11 00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:31,365 Dangerous, dangerous. 12 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,158 Walking into a minefield there, boy. 13 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:34,743 No, no, no. A friend of mine set us up. 14 00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,162 He assures me the woman's perfect for me. 15 00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,413 That's what they all say. 16 00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:41,083 Let me guess. Said she had good table manners, 17 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,585 great personality and excellent posture, right? 18 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:46,505 Sure, they always make it sound good. 19 00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:51,385 As a matter of fact, Cliff ie, he told me that she was easy on the eyes. 20 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,346 You're a dead man, Norm. 21 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:13,634 - Hey. - Where do you want it? 22 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,928 Want what? Hey, wait. Wait a second. I didn't order that. 23 00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:20,015 - Cheers, right? - Yeah. 24 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,393 Coach, did you buy this? 25 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:25,687 No, not me, Sam. 26 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,898 You got your name here on the invoice. 27 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,733 Well, it's gotta be some kind of mistake. 28 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:30,984 Why would I buy a crate? 29 00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:36,573 It's an antique scale, Coach. 30 00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,533 Yeah, I bought the scale, Sam. 31 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:42,412 But, gee, now that I look at it, I'm kind of disappointed. 32 00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,207 Mister, we're in a hurry. Can you sign it? 33 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,460 Yeah. Coach, why'd you do this? 34 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,961 I've told you 100 times, 35 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:53,340 please, don't buy anything for the bar without checking with me first. 36 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:57,594 Gee, I'm sorry, Sam. That salesman, I just couldn't resist him. 37 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,763 I mean, he had a way about him. 38 00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,390 One of those fast-talkers? 39 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:05,936 No, no, no. He was a big tall, skinny guy, you know, with a beard. 40 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:09,356 He reminded me of somebody in history, a president. 41 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,400 The guy who freed the slaves? 42 00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,360 - Abraham Lincoln? - That's it. 43 00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:16,071 Only this guy, he wasn't nice at all. 44 00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:17,948 As a matter of fact, 45 00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:22,285 he was kind of mean. He reminded me of that little guy in Germany 46 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,996 with the mustache, World War ll. 47 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,748 Adolf Hitler? 48 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,919 Boy, don't play trivia with this guy. 49 00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:34,423 Coach, you mean this guy was a cross between Abraham Lincoln and Hitler? 50 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:38,343 Normie, I don't know. I just wanna tell you, he was strange, Normie. 51 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:42,180 He was all dressed in black, and his eyes shined like coals. 52 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,809 And he had this deep voice, see? And he said to me, 53 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:49,479 "This scale will not only tell you your weight, 54 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,524 but it will tell you your destiny." 55 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,068 - He had an accent? - No. 56 00:03:57,154 --> 00:04:02,284 Then why did you say it like, "your weight" and "your destiny." 57 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:04,244 Just a little color, Carla. 58 00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,874 Well, whatever. I'm calling this guy and telling him we don't want it. 59 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:12,878 Oh, Sam, isn't your curiosity piqued? I'd like to see what it looks like. 60 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:15,213 And that destiny thing must mean it's one of those scales 61 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,883 - that tells your fortunes. - Oh, all right, open it. 62 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,510 - Oh, goody. - But I'm still sending it back. 63 00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:23,722 Coach, give Norman a screwdriver, please. 64 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,725 Hey, I got a big date here. I don't wanna get pits. 65 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:30,395 Oh, come on, it won't be that hard. 66 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:39,237 It's all right, Norm. We'll stop you before your shoes get squishy. 67 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:45,285 Oh, now, let me give you an opening hint 68 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,996 from a guy who's opened a lot of these rascals here. 69 00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:51,541 If you smack this baby right about here, I think, Normie, 70 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,168 it'll open up like a big walnut. 71 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:56,463 That's the epicenter of the fulcrum, as I remember. 72 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,089 Yeah, you better step back here, Diane. 73 00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,467 This thing will shear your kneecaps right off. 74 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,803 Here? 75 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,683 - Cliff ie. - Cliff? 76 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:09,768 Cliff, you all right? 77 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:13,605 I can't find my shoes, Clyde. I think the dog got them. 78 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,900 Sit right here. Here we go. 79 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:20,487 No, there you go. There you go. 80 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,489 Let's get her out. 81 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,037 Oh, ain't that nice? 82 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:32,249 Oh, Sam, I like it. Can we keep it? Can we keep it? 83 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,918 Well, I'm afraid we're gonna have to. 84 00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,296 The number's been disconnected, and there's no new number. 85 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,715 The guy's obviously a con man, Coach. 86 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:45,303 I knew it. I knew he was a con man the minute I laid eyes on him. 87 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,138 Well, as a collector of antiques, 88 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:51,434 I think the scale might someday be worth what you paid for it. 89 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,437 Or a fraction thereof. 90 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,732 Well, Sam, the salesman also said-- He said, 91 00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:00,694 "This scale is not being made anymore, 92 00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:04,114 and this one was in a cellar for over 40 years." 93 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,909 Coach, you shouldn't have bought it. 94 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,371 Well, this has been fun, but I gotta get going on my blind date. 95 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,874 Normie, Normie, listen, get on the scale. Weigh yourself. 96 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,417 See how you're gonna make out tonight. 97 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:20,463 Oh, come on. It certainly doesn't have any fortunes left after all these years. 98 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,553 Do you ever get tired of being wrong? 99 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,264 It says, 'Your most troublesome problem will soon be solved." 100 00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:33,184 Hey, Norm, sounds like you're gonna get a trim on the old antlers tonight? 101 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:35,896 - Norm? - Yeah? 102 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,772 What's your most troublesome problem? 103 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,108 Well, that's tough to say, Coach. 104 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:44,029 Let's see, I'm overweight, unemployed, 105 00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:48,491 separated, depressed, starting to drink too much. 106 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:52,037 Guess my biggest problem is I've never been happier. 107 00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:57,626 - Okay, I'm going next. - No, wait, men in uniform first, Carla. 108 00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:01,338 Sam, Sam. See, they love it. I mean, this thing's gonna be bigger 109 00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,924 than that amusement park in California. 110 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,593 The one with the mouse and the duck and... 111 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,095 Disneyland. 112 00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:12,098 You're tough, Sam, but I'm gonna get you. 113 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,735 Sanderson Florist. 114 00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,946 What's the occasion there, Sam? 115 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,781 It's for Diane. 116 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,824 Did she die? 117 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,285 Of course not. 118 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:37,040 Is she dying? Is she suffering in any way? Throw me a bone. 119 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,668 No, no, no. She's just gonna be mad 120 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,170 because I didn't take her to some stupid art show last night. 121 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,839 Flowers is the only way to calm her down. 122 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,758 Yeah, hi, Sanderson Florist? 123 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,468 There's my guy. 124 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,889 Give me a big smoocheroo. 125 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,853 You're not mad about last night? 126 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:03,775 Oh, of course not. I just missed you so, you big lug. 127 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,862 Keep up the good work. 128 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:12,367 - Afternoon, everybody. - Hey, Norm! 129 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,618 What's up, Normie? 130 00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:16,371 The corners of my mouth, Coach. 131 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,999 Sounds like that blind date paid off, huh? 132 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,585 Yeah, well, turns out my buddy played a little trick on me. 133 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,755 - Yeah? - Guess who the date turns out to be? 134 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,882 My ex, Vera. 135 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,135 Anybody ready for the punch line? 136 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,845 We're back together again. 137 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,556 - Oh, Norman, that's wonderful. - Congratulations, Norm. 138 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,350 I feel so good about it, I'd like to set up the entire bar. 139 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,021 But since that's financially impossible, 140 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,816 I'll just settle for buying my buddy Cliff here a drink. 141 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:47,360 Oh, why, thank you, Norm. 142 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,862 Chivas on the rocks, Coach. 143 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,615 What, 12-year-old Scotch? 144 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,409 I was thinking more like a beer, you know? 145 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:58,038 Come on, Norm. This is great news. You got Vera back. 146 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:02,500 Yeah, Vera. Not Nastassja Kinski. Vera. 147 00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:07,505 - Beer, Coach, please. - Normie, Normie, tell me, what's it like 148 00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:11,634 to go out on a blind date, and then you find out it's your own wife? 149 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:15,221 Well, we were both kind of nervous at first, you know? 150 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:19,309 Then we split some clams casino and a little Chateaubriand, 151 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,312 a bottle of her favorite wine. 152 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,357 Next thing you know, we went back to what used to be our place, 153 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,985 and we kind of made love. 154 00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:32,447 Wait, wait, you can't "kind of" make love, Norm. 155 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,407 You don't know Vera. 156 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,578 Oh, my God! 157 00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:41,748 - What? - It's happening. It's happening. 158 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,751 Sam, she's losing what's left of her gray matter. 159 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:47,712 And I don't mean your underwear, Carla. 160 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,381 Come here, come on. What's wrong? 161 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,925 It's his fortune. 162 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,802 The machine said that Norm's worst problem 163 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,387 was gonna be solved, and he's back with Vera. 164 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,766 Carla, that was entirely fortuitous. 165 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,434 You're absolutely right, Diane. 166 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:05,939 And my little card said that I would be hearing from a distant loved one. 167 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:11,152 Sure enough, not a half-hour later, my daughter in Pennsylvania calls me. 168 00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:14,114 No, no, no. That's doesn't count, Coach. 169 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,490 She always calls you. 170 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,575 Yeah. Pennsylvania's not that distant, Coach. 171 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:22,163 No, no, no, Cliff ie. She called me from California. She's on vacation there. 172 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:26,126 Oh, it had nothing to do with your fortune, Coach. 173 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,336 And neither did what happened to Norman. 174 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,630 Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah, well, then how about this? 175 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:34,175 My fortune said, "Time waits for no one." 176 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,636 So last night, I get home late, 177 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:40,223 and my kids had started a grease fire cooking their own dinner. 178 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,808 Now, explain that. 179 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,769 Easy. You're an idiot. 180 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:47,981 Look. 181 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:52,610 There are things that you eggheads can't explain away in this world. 182 00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:56,906 Listen, nothing and nobody controls what happens to us. 183 00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,034 Wait a minute, Sam. You had a lucky piece when you pitched out there. 184 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:01,828 Yeah, well, a lot of good it did me. 185 00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:02,996 Listen, Cliff. 186 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,082 The only battles I ever won in life, I won on my own. 187 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,751 Sam, that was brilliantly put. 188 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,921 Well, actually, you said that to me just a few days ago. 189 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:16,217 Yes, I know, but you remembered it, and you used it in the proper context. 190 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:21,014 Yeah, yeah, they should carve his face on a mountain. 191 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,933 Look, Sammy, you've been hanging around with Diane here for so long 192 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,228 you can't see the facts in front of your nose. 193 00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:31,399 This machine has powers. 194 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,527 I guess I should get right on then and see 195 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,946 what the future holds for Miss Diane Chambers. 196 00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:39,240 Don't joke about this. 197 00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,369 What on earth are you doing? 198 00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:46,289 I am warding off the evil spirits, and if you weren't so stupid, 199 00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,958 you'd be doing the same thing. 200 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,377 Preposterous. 201 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,219 Well, what's the card say, Diane? 202 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,847 What difference does it make? It's a joke. 203 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,684 "Deception in romance proves costly." 204 00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:10,605 There. See? Now, you all know how Diane feels about honesty. 205 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,815 Yeah, she likes it. 206 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,985 - Yeah, honest as the day is long. - Absolutely. 207 00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,905 Now, can we all go back to work, please? 208 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,199 Good idea. 209 00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:00,029 Cliff ie. Cliff ie. 210 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,572 - You all right? - You okay? 211 00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:05,243 That's $20 postage due, sir. 212 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,828 And how are we today? 213 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,497 Cliff, you're at Cheers. 214 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:12,166 Cheers? Yes, sir, I know where that is. 215 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,710 Cliff! Cliff! 216 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,963 - Oh, Normie, hey. - You all right? 217 00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:21,301 Yeah. Oh, yeah, I think I just bruised my knee. 218 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,513 I hope I'll be able to do my postal route tomorrow. 219 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,432 Yeah, you wanna get an x-ray or something? 220 00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,350 No. 221 00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:32,020 I'll just check it out here. 222 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,855 Let's see. 223 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,943 Yeah, I'm fine. 224 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,033 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Cliff, 225 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:49,120 you got a fortune from that machine yesterday, right? What was it? 226 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,289 What was it? 227 00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:55,293 Cliff, did it say anything about slipping, falling down stairs, anything like--? 228 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,879 Oh, I remember. It was, "Talk to bigwigs." 229 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,590 What "ooh"? 230 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:04,927 I don't know. Yet. But there must be a connection. 231 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,016 I don't think you're in the ballpark on this one, Carla. 232 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,601 Oh, wait, wait, I got it! 233 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,561 Bigwig, right? 234 00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:16,064 Who is the biggest bigwig of them all? 235 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:18,232 Sinatra! 236 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,659 No, even bigger. 237 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,079 - Ronald Reagan. - No, no, no. Bigger, bigger. 238 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,247 Sinatra! 239 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,089 I don't know. 240 00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:44,175 If you ask me who really runs this country, 241 00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:46,469 I think it's the big oil companies. 242 00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,346 Like, I don't know, who runs Texaco? 243 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,516 Well, at my station, it's Dave and his son Herbie. 244 00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,688 Machmoud does the windows. 245 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:02,819 Yeah, well, you can't get much bigger than Herbie, Dave and Machmoud? 246 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,489 I am talking about God. 247 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:09,951 God is the biggest wig of them all. 248 00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,619 Cliff, 249 00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,997 did you pray before you left the house this morning? 250 00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:16,916 No. 251 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:23,297 There you go. If you had prayed, none of this would have happened. 252 00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:29,095 Oh, come on. If you guys are gonna stretch things this far, 253 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,931 then you could make anything out of those fortunes. 254 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,684 Hey, I hope there's nothing to this, because mine was bad. 255 00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,144 Well, what was it? 256 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:39,063 It said, "Your valuables are in jeopardy," or something like that. 257 00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,648 I'll show it to you. It's in my wallet. 258 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,610 Somebody lifted my wallet. 259 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:50,992 Carla, will you please take it easy? He'll owe you the tip. 260 00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:00,126 Yeah, well, how do you explain that there, Sammy? 261 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,795 I found it. Here it is. 262 00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,630 Yeah, what do you say about that now, Carla? 263 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,967 Well, it makes no difference. 264 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:13,514 The machine has been right up until now. I say it's evil, evil, evil! 265 00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,808 It heard me. 266 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:21,022 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hey, I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Forgive me. I didn't mean it. 267 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:26,319 Stop, would you? Everybody's looking. Come on, Carla. Hey, hey, come on. 268 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:31,115 Listen, I don't wanna hear any more about this. The scale is not magic. 269 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,035 You can't take it seriously. And I'll tell you something. 270 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,953 It's a sad world we live in 271 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,623 when Sam Malone becomes the voice of reason. 272 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,795 What am I talking for? Come here, Diane. Diane's the one who talks good. 273 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,381 Come on. Tell them how dumb they're being. Come on, sweetheart. 274 00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:51,260 You're being dumb. 275 00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,476 Had enough, huh? 276 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:12,073 Well... 277 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:17,411 ...guess I'd better get one more, just to make sure it's safe to go home. 278 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,340 I can't look. Sam, would you read it for me? 279 00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,511 But don't read it if it's terrible. 280 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,180 No, this is okay. 281 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,474 "You will grow lips on your forehead." 282 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,771 Very funny, very funny. 283 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,276 Oh, it's okay. 284 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,777 Well, see you tomorrow. 285 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,905 Good night, Carla. Good to see you again. 286 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:55,116 Keep it up. Keep it up. You'll pay. 287 00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:56,409 Bye-bye. 288 00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:00,621 - Night, Sam. - Night, Coach. 289 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,129 What are you doing? 290 00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,006 I just wanna see if I've gained any weight lately. 291 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,882 You didn't. Now get off of there. 292 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,719 What's wrong? You know, you've been acting strange all day. 293 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,887 I've been acting fine. Come on, now, let's go home. 294 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,599 - Well, let me just get my weight first. - Sam, don't! 295 00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:22,602 Will you please tell me what's going on? 296 00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,770 I mean, you're coming unglued here. 297 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:27,356 I don't know. 298 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,817 I feel like I'm losing my mind. 299 00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:33,404 That scale has me spooked. 300 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:37,116 You're kidding me. You're the last person I expect 301 00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:38,993 to fall for that voodoo stuff. 302 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,204 Do you remember that fortune I got today? 303 00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:44,373 No. 304 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:51,380 "Deception in romance proves costly." 305 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,049 So? 306 00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,760 I took another man to that show last night. 307 00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,557 You mean like a guy? 308 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,270 At least pay attention. 309 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:10,524 He's a classmate of mine. A male classmate. 310 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:14,820 So you took some pimply, book-faced wimp from school. Big deal. 311 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:19,492 His complexion is almost as clear as mine, and we had a wonderful time. 312 00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:23,037 At the performance. 313 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:25,998 Yes. 314 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,211 Well, of course he took me home. 315 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:33,798 And? 316 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:39,261 I invited him in. We had coffee. He left. That was it. 317 00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:43,099 Instant coffee... 318 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,560 ...or did you grind the beans? 319 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:52,233 It wasn't the same as it is with you. I didn't grind them fine. 320 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,612 You did grind the beans, huh? 321 00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,658 All we did was talk. 322 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,035 You didn't kiss him? 323 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,539 Oh, I kissed him good night, but it was nothing. 324 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:10,626 It was barely on the lips, way over to the side, up by the cheek, very dry. 325 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,053 I have to be honest. 326 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:25,266 It was so good to talk to someone. 327 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,894 I miss talking about the things I can't talk about with you. 328 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,525 I didn't wanna tell you because I knew you'd be angry. 329 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,987 - I'm not angry. - Oh, of course you're angry. 330 00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:41,407 No, I'm not. As a matter of fact, 331 00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:47,955 I'm kind of grateful. I think I see our relationship in a new light here. 332 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:52,126 The truth is, I don't fulfill all your needs, 333 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,712 and you don't fulfill all of mine. 334 00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,631 So maybe we should call it quits. 335 00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:02,052 What are you doing? 336 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:05,306 I have one innocent evening with a guy. 337 00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:08,684 I come to you to make a clean breast of it, 338 00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,144 and this is the reaction I get? 339 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,898 You're even less understanding than I feared you'd be. 340 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,650 Okay, fine, that does it. I want out of this. 341 00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:19,278 Out of what? I already broke it off. 342 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:25,117 No, no, you said, "Maybe we should call it quits." 343 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,787 I'm saying it's definitely over. 344 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:32,166 Hey, I don't care what I said. In my mind, it was definite. 345 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:35,711 That ship has sailed, baby. Our relationship is through. 346 00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:44,303 No, no, we're not through unless I say we're through. 347 00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:49,141 We're through. Now we're through. 348 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,309 Hey! 349 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:54,480 I'm not gonna get in an argument about who broke up with who first 350 00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:57,149 with somebody I broke up with first. 351 00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,569 As a matter of fact, I'm not even gonna acknowledge your presence. 352 00:22:01,362 --> 00:22:04,031 Is anybody here? Somebody I used to go with? 353 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,493 Oh, no, no, it's just Diane. Silly me. 354 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:12,998 Don't do this. 355 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,917 Too late, sweetheart. It's already done. 356 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,547 Sam, please. 357 00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:22,258 Please don't joke about this. 358 00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,343 I'm scared. 359 00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:32,726 We can't break up because a pile of metal springs said we were going to. 360 00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:36,397 There's too much at stake here. 361 00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:43,445 I'm sorry. 362 00:22:44,822 --> 00:22:46,240 Forgive me. 363 00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,410 Tell me you didn't break up with me. 364 00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:52,037 Oh, of course I didn't break up with you. 365 00:22:52,246 --> 00:22:53,414 Then I'm first. 366 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,668 You are history. 367 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,296 Wait! You know, that-- That was-- 368 00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:02,172 Now I know why I broke up with you 369 00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:05,801 a long time ago. Long, long before you broke up with me. 370 00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:09,096 Who's talking there? 371 00:23:11,265 --> 00:23:13,559 Oh, it's just my employer. 372 00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:26,405 Sam? 373 00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:29,283 - We got a fortune. - So? 374 00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:31,827 Aren't you gonna read it? 375 00:23:31,994 --> 00:23:33,370 No. What's the point? 376 00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,666 Sam... 377 00:23:37,875 --> 00:23:40,377 ...our destiny may be in that card. 378 00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:42,129 I know it. I can feel it. 379 00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:46,550 You're crackers, you know that? 380 00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:49,136 Then read it. 381 00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:53,641 Okay. Fine. 382 00:23:58,395 --> 00:24:00,606 Are you sure we should do this? 383 00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:03,150 We've got to. 384 00:24:03,317 --> 00:24:06,278 - There might be no other way. - All right. Okay. 385 00:24:08,989 --> 00:24:12,201 "Machine empty. Order more fortunes today."