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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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- Here's your mail.
- Oh, thanks.
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I'm afraid they're all bills.
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Oh, good. I'll give them to Bill
the moment he comes in.
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That's pretty funny.
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Oh, thank you.
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Hey, hold on there, sport.
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- Yeah?
- As you can see,
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I'm wearing the colors myself here.
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And as a veteran postal carrier,
I can only say
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I'm both shocked and dismayed.
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- Sir?
- Department policy
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regarding a uniform, son,
states in part, and I quote,
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"Uniform shirt shall be buttoned
up to and including the second button
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from the collar of said shirt,"
unquote.
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You're letting us down, son.
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I-- I'm sorry, sir.
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- I didn't mean any harm.
- It's all right, son.
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I was green once too. You'll make it.
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- Thank you, sir. I'll try to do better.
- Carry on, son.
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- Here's your beer, Cliff.
- Coach.
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Cliff?
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Say, you're not by any chance
Cliff Clavin?
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Sure am. You heard of me?
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Your name is kind of a symbol
around our branch office.
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Is that right?
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Yeah. Well, like, just the other day,
I messed up,
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you know, and my supervisor told me
to get my head out of my Clavin.
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- Damn.
- What's wrong?
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That was Ann Marie's teacher.
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Said she's gonna have to
hold her back.
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Oh, that's too bad, Carla.
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Oh, don't worry about it, Carla.
It's just as bad to skip a grade.
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You skipped a grade, Coach?
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I skipped four.
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"High school," I think they called it.
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Well, Carla, I hope being held back
isn't going to be traumatic
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for Ann Marie.
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No, she's been held back
twice already.
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In her class picture,
she looks like Snow White.
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Hey, Coach, set me up
with another beer, please.
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Where Normie, Carla?
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I got a great story to tell him.
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Ain't my job to keep tabs
on the walking beer keg.
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Besides, who cares
about your stupid story?
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Thank you, Carla.
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Coach, if you serve that beer
any slower, it's gonna be vinegar
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- before I quaff it.
- Oh, didn't I tell you, Cliff?
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I'm on the verge of setting
a new monthly record
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for fewest glasses broken.
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That's great, Coach.
How close are you?
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Oh, I just have to make it to midnight
without breaking seven glasses.
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Holy Quixote, Coach, there must be
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at least four inches of feathers
down there.
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Six inches, Cliffo.
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You can't be too careful
when you're going for a record.
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Boy, Coach, I never thought I'd see
the day you'd be working with a net.
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And you never will.
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Hi, honey.
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So the camel says,
"Pal, you get your own date."
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- Evening, everybody.
- Norm.
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- Norman.
- What's shaking, Norm?
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All four cheeks
and a couple of chins, Coach.
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- So, what will it be?
- I'll take a pitcher.
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How about you, George?
What do you want?
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Hey, Normie,
who's your funny friend here?
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Oh, sorry. This is Cliff Clavin.
George Foley.
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- George. Pleasure.
- Cliff. How are you?
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We ran into each other
down at unemployment.
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No kidding. So, what line of work
you out of now, George?
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I was a tree surgeon. I had to quit
because I fainted at the sight of sap.
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In fact, I'm getting a little woozy
right now.
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Yeah, yeah. Very humorous, huh?
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Yeah. Hey, Norm, I heard a great joke
down by the sorting machine the--
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Cliff ie, can this wait? George claims
he can run the table on me
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before I get my cue stick chalked.
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Don't suppose you wanna put
your money where your mouth is, big guy.
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Tried it once, but the bills got soggy.
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I like that guy, Cliff. He's funny.
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Coach, the rest of us are laughing
out of pity at the man's ugliness.
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He looks like one of those gnarled,
grotesque creatures you might find
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in a cave 20 miles
beneath the surface of the sea.
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Come to think of it,
he didn't say where he was from.
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You know what I hate
about working here?
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I know what I hate
about working here,
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but it couldn't be the same thing.
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- Coach, two vodka rocks.
- Two vodka rocks.
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We never get the holidays off.
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It's George Washington's
birthday weekend,
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and we're all going to be stuck here.
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Sam won't.
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This is when he goes away
on his ski trip.
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What ski trip?
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Well, he and his baseball cronies
go up to Vermont
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the same week every year.
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They rent a chalet, go skiing
and melt a few snow bunnies.
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Been doing it for years.
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Well, of course
he won't do it this year.
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Why not?
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Because he's involved
with me now, Carla.
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I know. But I still believe
in the old Sam Malone.
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I say he's still got some hair
on his butt.
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Perhaps, Carla,
your desperate observations
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accurately reflect the relationship
between men and women
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in the demimonde you inhabit,
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but for those of us who no longer
scrape our knuckles on the ground
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when we walk...
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...your views are incredibly primitive.
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Says you.
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Oh, Sam, listen--
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Sam, what's the matter?
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I just got a call from my Aunt Alice
this afternoon.
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Uncle Nathan died yesterday.
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I'm so sorry.
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What a shame, Sam.
Was he sick long?
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No, Coach, he was hit by a bus.
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Well, that's comforting.
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Honey, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to leave right now.
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I gotta go to Vermont.
The funeral's up there.
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- Did you say Vermont?
- Yeah.
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My condolences
in your time of sorrow.
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Oh, thank you, Carla.
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I was talking to Diane.
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- Where in Vermont?
- Stowe.
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Stowe.
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Isn't that a ski resort?
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Yeah, I think there is one
nearby there. Yeah.
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Anyway, I gotta leave right now.
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I'm gonna be gone
a couple of days, honey.
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Oh, this whole thing, I-- I don't know.
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Sam, you must've been very close
with your uncle.
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Oh, yeah. Very, very close.
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Well, I think I should come along.
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I should be with you
at a time like this.
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Oh, no, no, I don't-- I think it'd just be
too depressing for you, honey.
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Anyway, I'm gonna be staying
at my aunt's house,
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and she doesn't believe in
unmarried couples sleeping together.
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We don't have to sleep together.
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Why would you be coming, then?
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To support you emotionally
through this tragedy.
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Oh, that. You are so sweet,
but I just don't think it's a good idea.
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- Oh, Coach.
- Yeah, honey?
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Sam says his Uncle Nathan
up in Vermont just died.
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Yep, he sure did.
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- Do you believe that?
- Well, of course, Diane. I mean,
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00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:09,841
they wouldn't make funeral
arrangements if the man wasn't dead.
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I think they got a test for that.
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Hey, Coach, come on.
Why don't you tell Diane the truth.
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There is no Uncle Nathan.
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Well, right. Sam's accepted it,
so we all have to.
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That guy is good.
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Made me look like a big dope
out there.
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Oh, yeah? What did he do,
turn the lights on?
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- What's that supposed to mean, huh?
- Oh, nothing.
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Let me tell you that great story
I was gonna--
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- Right, right, right.
- Norm.
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We gotta get going if we're gonna
catch the opening face-off.
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Oh, right. We're going
to the islanders game.
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George has Bruin season tickets.
Center ice, man.
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Oh, yeah?
Right smack in the middle, huh?
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I hope you guys have a good time.
You got plenty to laugh about, right?
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Nice to meet you, Cliff.
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Yeah, I hope you catch a puck.
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In your Clavin.
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00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:03,812
Okay, honey, I'll call you
in a couple days, okay?
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00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,857
Please convey my sympathy
to your aunt.
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00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,984
Oh, I will. Thank you.
That's very sweet.
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Okay, bye-bye.
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00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:14,155
- Oh, Sam.
- Yeah?
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00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:18,493
How long were your aunt
and Uncle Nathan married?
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00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:19,828
How long?
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Well, I don't know, 50-- 40, 50 years.
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00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:25,500
- I don't know.
- My, my, my.
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Must be very hard on her.
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Oh, yeah. Oh, just imagine.
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Okay, I'm off now.
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Sam, do you know what the secret
of a long-lasting relationship is?
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00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,930
No, I don't, Diane. But I will
think about it as I drive along.
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Okay?
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00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:41,808
It's honesty, Sam.
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Once honesty leaves a relationship,
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00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,648
the relationship is over,
finished, empty.
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00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:52,986
For example, if one of us
were to lie to the other now,
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00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,990
it would be a crime of the soul,
a death of the spirit.
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Our lives would be diminished
beyond redemption.
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00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:05,999
Diane, this is not one of the world's
great goodbyes here.
187
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,126
Of course. You better go.
188
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,627
Be careful, huh?
189
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,629
There'll probably be
a lot of skiers on the road,
190
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,090
and you know how careless
and insensitive people on their way
191
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:16,217
to a ski weekend can be.
192
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:17,760
Okay, okay.
193
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:28,146
You're hanging
by your fingernails, honey.
194
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,650
He'll be back before last call tonight.
195
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,779
You don't believe her either,
huh, Coach?
196
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:42,160
No, Carla, I got feathers
in my shoes.
197
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:48,166
I don't know how a chicken
keeps a straight face.
198
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:01,596
- Coach, I need a draft.
- One draft coming up.
199
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:04,974
Oh, careful. The record, Coach.
200
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:07,644
Carla, the record's in the bag.
201
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:11,022
I got less than four hours
and five glasses to go.
202
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:12,815
Yeah, but don't get cocky.
203
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:14,442
Carla, I can't lose.
204
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:17,445
I've never broken five glasses
in four hours in my life.
205
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,405
Here, watch this.
206
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,369
Coach, you swept out the feathers.
207
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,663
Carla, feathers are for chickens.
208
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,206
Here.
209
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,876
- All right, you made your point.
- Made my point, Carla?
210
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,628
Watch this.
211
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:41,010
Coach, you know,
you're only two away now.
212
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:42,720
Two away, Carla?
213
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,806
Do you know what I think
of two away?
214
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,225
- What?
- It scares the hell out of me.
215
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,604
Hey, Coach, you wanna give me
another drink?
216
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:54,649
Well, Cliffo...
217
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:59,487
So, what's your problem,
droopy drawers?
218
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,490
You've been moping around here
all night
219
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:05,868
like a junior-high-school girl
who just broke up with her steady.
220
00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:08,413
Moping, Carla? I'm not moping.
221
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,499
Just spending a little quiet time
by myself.
222
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:15,461
That's what a man is:
solitary, strong, independent.
223
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,006
You ever hear
of the lone wolf, Carla?
224
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,676
Lone wolf, c'est moi.
225
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,678
Man alone needing no one.
226
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:26,556
I touch no one,
and no one touches me.
227
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,224
I'm a rock.
228
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,934
I'm an island.
229
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,857
- Evening, everybody.
- Norm.
230
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:37,692
- Norman.
- Beer, Normie?
231
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,611
Coach, I don't know.
I had one this week.
232
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:42,697
What the heck, I'm young.
233
00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:45,033
So who won the hockey game?
234
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,535
Bruins, eight-seven in overtime.
235
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,787
A real yawner, huh?
236
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:53,499
So where's Rootie Kazootie?
237
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:54,625
- Who, George?
- Yeah.
238
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:56,544
Guy turned out to be a real jerk.
239
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:59,047
He saw some friends of his
at the game, right?
240
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:01,758
End of the first period, he goes
and sits with them, leaves me there.
241
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:03,843
Oh, that happens, Norm.
242
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:05,720
You know,
friend turns against friend.
243
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,182
Yeah, I guess so.
244
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,725
Well, what say,
shoot some pool, huh?
245
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:14,479
What? You wanna shoot pool
with me?
246
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:18,649
Hey, everybody, Norm has deigned
to ask me to shoot pool with him.
247
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:21,194
Oh, Normie. Normie, do I have time
to get down on my knees
248
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:24,155
and thank the very God I pray to
that you selected me?
249
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:28,117
Okay, but hurry. I don't have--
We shouldn't lose that table there.
250
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,494
Norm, I just hope I can be
251
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,914
as delightful and effervescent
a companion as you're used to.
252
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,750
Okay, this is, like, sarcasm, right?
253
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:39,754
Yeah, you're a real tack, Norm.
254
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,842
Cliff ie, I understand how you feel.
255
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:47,637
You're not second best, pal.
You're aces.
256
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:53,142
Cliff, I'd be honored if you would
shoot some pool with me. All right?
257
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,019
Come on. Really.
258
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,896
Well...
259
00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:59,732
- Yeah, all right, but--
- Hey, Norm, where were you?
260
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,818
Georgie. My man!
261
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:05,696
- I looked all over the Garden for you.
- All right. Go, Bruins!
262
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:09,784
Krushelnyski! The Crowder brothers!
263
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,494
Come on, let's go get a burger.
264
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,037
I know where they have
the best in town.
265
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:14,997
All right. Scarf city.
266
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:21,504
George... Yeah, on second thought,
I don't think I'll go.
267
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,965
- You sure, Norm?
- Yeah. Not too hungry.
268
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,717
Okay, Norm, whatever you say.
I'll go alone.
269
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:29,637
The best burgers in town,
you say, huh?
270
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:30,721
Absolutely.
271
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,515
Yeah, boy, I'd love a good burger.
272
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:34,142
Glad to hear it.
273
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:39,856
You were gonna go with him,
weren't you?
274
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:41,983
That jerk?
275
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:45,111
I was just trying to get
his hopes up there, Norm.
276
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:49,407
So, what do you say we go back there
and shoot some stick, eh?
277
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,744
All right. Only if you do that trick
where you jam the pool cues
278
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:55,413
up your nostrils
and make like a walrus.
279
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,665
Oh, right, right, yeah.
I got a new twist on it.
280
00:15:57,832 --> 00:16:00,251
I can get the fat ends in there now.
Watch this.
281
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:01,419
It's true, you know.
282
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:06,841
The fat end, you say, huh?
283
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:10,970
Gee, we're almost out of olives.
I wonder if Sam ordered any.
284
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,890
Oh, gee, Coach,
why don't you just ask him?
285
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:19,395
Why, where's Sam?
286
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:24,984
Well, I thought that you said
Sam was coming tonight, Diane.
287
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,152
He is, Carla.
288
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,614
He's probably just coming around
the corner right down the stairs
289
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,032
at this moment.
290
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,202
Oh, well, then I should hurry
right over there and greet him.
291
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,871
Open the door for my boss
on his return.
292
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:39,081
- Hello there, Sam.
- Hi, Carla.
293
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,757
Ski weekend, right?
294
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,759
- What?
- Oh, come on.
295
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:51,761
I was three miles away
from my aunt's house.
296
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:54,430
Three miles, and all of a sudden
it came to me.
297
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,224
Ski weekend, huh?
Come on, am I right?
298
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:59,352
I'm sorry, Sam, I'm a little confused.
What ski weekend?
299
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:03,189
Oh, come on. Somebody probably
told you that I used to go skiing
300
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:05,233
with my buddies on this weekend.
301
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,779
Now that you mention it, I believe
Carla said something about that.
302
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,572
I knew it. I knew it.
303
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:14,617
- Coach, two drafts.
- Two drafts.
304
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:17,286
And all of a sudden, because of that,
you decide that I'm lying
305
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,455
about my Uncle Nathan, huh?
306
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:23,167
Well, for a moment there,
I was a trifle suspicious.
307
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:25,878
That is totally, totally silly, honey.
308
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:29,465
That ski weekend is part of my past.
309
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:32,677
Hey, come on, what kind of guy
with a swell chick like yourself
310
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,095
would go fool around?
311
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,222
Anyway, even when I was
on that ski weekend,
312
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,182
I didn't fool around that much.
313
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:41,644
So even if I were, I wouldn't be
doing it as much as you think,
314
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:44,522
and I'm not, so it's even less,
or none.
315
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,400
So...
316
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:48,776
You feel okay now?
317
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,653
I was never not okay.
318
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:52,655
You weren't? Well, great. Great.
319
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:55,783
Boy, what a silly misunderstanding
this was, huh?
320
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:58,077
- Sam.
- What?
321
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,788
There was never
a misunderstanding.
322
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:03,332
I knew the truth the whole time.
323
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:06,836
Well, that's great. That's great.
Well, I'm off again.
324
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:08,838
Okay.
325
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:11,257
Because if you were going to lie
about this weekend,
326
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,718
you certainly would've come up
with something a lot smarter
327
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:16,887
than this uncle's-funeral thing.
328
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,434
What do you mean by that?
329
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,769
I could check on it in a minute.
330
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,397
All I'd have to do is call up
the local newspaper
331
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:30,860
and ask them to check on their
death notices for the last few days.
332
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:35,114
Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
Everybody knows that.
333
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:36,699
Okay, well, I gotta skedaddle.
334
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,701
I got a funeral waiting for me.
335
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,578
Don't we all.
336
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,082
Well, slats, you blew it again.
337
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,792
This time, he's gone.
338
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,919
He'll be back within the hour.
339
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,101
Damn tropical drinks.
340
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,772
Gee, Coach, it's too bad
about the record.
341
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,524
Yeah, we were really
pulling for you, Coach.
342
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:13,110
Yeah, and I came so close.
343
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,737
But don't worry about it, everybody.
344
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:17,198
I still got a personal record
I'm very proud of.
345
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:18,532
What's that?
346
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:21,118
Eleven consecutive days
without starting a major fire.
347
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,881
Diane.
348
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:37,176
It's almost closing time.
349
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:40,721
You said that Sam would be back
before closing time.
350
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,265
Damn!
351
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:49,146
Okay, let's you and me
stop playing games, huh?
352
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,191
Alms. Alms for the dink.
353
00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:55,194
Poor devil.
354
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:58,280
Hey, would you just leave me alone,
please, all of you?
355
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:02,368
You know, I was almost all the way
up there this time before it hit me.
356
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,078
You don't believe me. I know it.
357
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:07,123
You don't believe me, and I think
that is rotten, really rotten.
358
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,666
I--
359
00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:12,128
Sam, I've never seen you like this.
You're acting crazy.
360
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:16,006
And it's so late now you're even going
to miss your uncle's funeral tomorrow.
361
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:18,592
Well, just tell me, how do you
expect me to enjoy a funeral
362
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:21,011
when you're making me nuts
like this, huh?
363
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:25,725
I don't know
what you're talking about.
364
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:28,269
Like hell you don't.
Every time I walk through that door,
365
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,604
you say something to make me
drive all the way back down.
366
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,857
I've been on that road so many times
they changed the sign
367
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,443
to "Welcome to Vermont, Sam."
368
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,530
What are you accusing me of, Sam?
369
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:41,991
I'm accusing you of accusing me
of being a liar.
370
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:44,702
I mean, all that crap
about calling the newspaper.
371
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,079
You just said that
to get me crazy, huh?
372
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:52,209
I mean, you and I both know that you
wouldn't make that call, would you?
373
00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:55,171
Would you?
374
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,550
You did it! Oh, God,
you called them!
375
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,010
I can't believe that.
376
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,637
Now you know there's no funeral,
there's no Nathan Malone.
377
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:07,349
God, what a stupid name, Nathan.
I shouldn't have said Nathan.
378
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:08,934
Sam.
379
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,853
- Sam.
- What?
380
00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,563
I didn't call.
381
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,982
- You didn't?
- No.
382
00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:19,361
Well, then I look like an idiot.
383
00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:23,574
No argument there.
384
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:29,413
Okay. Okay, okay, all right, all right.
I better tell you the truth.
385
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,373
That'd be nice.
386
00:21:31,582 --> 00:21:32,833
Diane,
387
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,377
I work for the government.
388
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:41,759
What are you talking about?
389
00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:45,387
I am on a top-secret mission
for my country.
390
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:47,973
You are an idiot.
391
00:21:48,182 --> 00:21:50,226
No, no, that's just my cover.
392
00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:55,356
Well, come on, you've been playing
games with me all day too, huh?
393
00:21:55,606 --> 00:21:57,399
You're right. Don't you think
you deserve it?
394
00:21:57,608 --> 00:21:59,610
Deserve it? You know what--?
395
00:21:59,777 --> 00:22:02,613
You're talking to me
like a mother talks to her child.
396
00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:04,782
Don't you think you've been acting
like a child?
397
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:07,326
Don't use that tone of voice on me.
I hate that. Don't.
398
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:09,829
- What tone is that, Sam?
- That one right there.
399
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:11,413
I hate it.
400
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,834
Okay, fine.
401
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:17,002
Here's a different tone.
402
00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:19,672
You slime!
403
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:22,466
- What?
- How dare you lie to me like that!
404
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,635
I had to lie to you. You kidding me?
405
00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:26,595
You made me lie to you.
406
00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:28,514
Okay, all right. All right. Just tell me.
407
00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:30,140
What would you have said
if I said to you,
408
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,351
"Honey, I just wanna go on
a semi-harmless ski weekend
409
00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:33,435
with my buddies"?
410
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,105
That's it.
411
00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:37,648
I've had enough.
412
00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:40,442
I don't care what you do.
I just don't wanna have to look
413
00:22:40,651 --> 00:22:42,987
at your big, flabby face anymore.
414
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,573
You can fool around
with every woman in Vermont.
415
00:22:45,823 --> 00:22:46,907
I don't care.
416
00:22:47,074 --> 00:22:49,034
Is that a fact?
Well, I'll tell you something.
417
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:51,245
You know, that's exactly,
exactly, what I'm gonna do.
418
00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:54,665
I'm gonna go on my ski weekend,
and I'm gonna have every girl in Vermont,
419
00:22:54,832 --> 00:22:56,667
even the bowsers.
420
00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,795
Go. By all means, go.
421
00:22:59,962 --> 00:23:02,131
Have all New England, for all I care.
422
00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:03,924
Maybe I'll just do that.
423
00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:07,803
Just mull this over
on your ride up to paradise.
424
00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:13,684
There happens to be
a certain box boy at my market.
425
00:23:15,811 --> 00:23:19,815
A sinewy youth who always wants
to carry my bags,
426
00:23:20,024 --> 00:23:21,692
if you know what I mean.
427
00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:25,446
Perhaps, just perhaps,
I'll go over there tomorrow...
428
00:23:26,113 --> 00:23:32,161
...and not demur at his subtle,
yet oh-so-unequivocal, advances.
429
00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:35,539
Yeah, you do that, Diane.
430
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,791
And I'll try real hard to give a damn.
431
00:23:45,299 --> 00:23:48,093
Holy mackerel,
I forgot to ask him about the olives.
432
00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:51,639
Don't worry.
He'll be back in ten minutes.
433
00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:53,015
I say five, Carla.
434
00:23:53,223 --> 00:23:54,975
Maybe even sooner.
435
00:23:56,810 --> 00:23:58,604
A box boy?