1 00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:04,588 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,758 Okay, please, everybody, listen up, huh? 3 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:11,094 It's time once again for the Third Annual Cheers Picnic. 4 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,389 Now, I'm gonna need volunteers for these various committees. 5 00:00:14,598 --> 00:00:19,019 First, food. Now, who will volunteer to take care of the grub? 6 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:27,819 Well, what the heck, I can do this one. Ernie Pantusso. 7 00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:33,283 I did a pretty good job last year. At least no one complained. 8 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,121 This brings us to the entertainment committee. 9 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,374 Who wants to chair this baby? 10 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:49,007 Well, entertainment goes right along with food. Ernie Pantusso. 11 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:52,135 Now, we'll need two captains for the softball teams. 12 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:56,098 Two. Come on, a show of hands, huh? 13 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:04,147 Well, all right, I can handle one team. Ernie Pantusso. 14 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:09,236 Okay, so who wants the other? One more. 15 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:16,118 Well, I'm gonna be out there on the field anyway, so... 16 00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:18,120 Ernie Pantusso. 17 00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:22,040 Oh, and last but not least, I need somebody to head up transportation. 18 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:25,794 I got it. Ernie Pantusso. 19 00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:29,047 There will be a meeting of the committee chairmen 20 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,757 at my house tonight at 8:00. 21 00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:36,013 Please, everybody, try to be on time, huh? 22 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,178 Hey, everybody, sorry I'm late. 23 00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,681 - Hey, Sam. - Where have you been? 24 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,892 Well, I had to run a few errands. 25 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,728 Oh, a funny thing happened to me this afternoon. 26 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:10,357 I was on my way to Boston Magazine to be interviewed as one of the 20 27 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:13,485 most eligible bachelors in the city when I saw this man walking a dog. 28 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,780 Now, the funny thing is the dog was not walking like a dog, 29 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,324 he was walking like a man up on his hind legs. 30 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,160 Boy, where's the camera when you need one, huh? 31 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:26,540 Okay, enough jokes. Back to work. 32 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:33,171 - Twenty most eligible bachelors? - What's that? 33 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,757 Boston Magazine. 34 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,760 And you let them list you? 35 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:41,847 Well, if I hadn't, I would've missed that funny dog. 36 00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:46,268 Hey, you ought to dine out on that story there, Sammy. 37 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,188 Why do you want them to list you as an eligible bachelor? 38 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,942 Isn't that for men who are actively seeking female companionship? 39 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:55,736 No, not entirely. 40 00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:59,239 No, no, no. It's just good publicity for the bar, that's all. 41 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:04,745 Besides, it gave me a chance to air some of my views on political issues. 42 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:12,127 What political issues did you air views on? 43 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:16,173 I told them I thought nuclear war would be bad news. 44 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:24,014 Oh, Sam, you've stirred up a hornet's nest there. 45 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,603 Really? Well, that-- I can always say I was misquoted. 46 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,024 Oh, I see. When they say "eligible bachelors," 47 00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,234 they mean eligible for a brain transplant. 48 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,070 I knew it. I knew you'd make a big deal out of this. 49 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,948 You make a big deal out of everything. Come on, all it was 50 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:46,536 was a nice little article on my life, my interests, and a simple picture of me. 51 00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,497 I mean, it wasn't like it was cheesecake. 52 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:52,209 No, Sam, with men it's beefcake. 53 00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,338 If I posed, it would be cheesecake. 54 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:59,174 If you posed, it would be crumb cake. 55 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:04,179 Sam, I'm very hurt by this. 56 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,139 Oh, come-- Don't be. 57 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,225 All right, I wanna tell you something right now 58 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,977 that's gonna make you feel better. I wanted it to be a surprise, 59 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,396 but when I was talking to that lady reporter, 60 00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:15,065 I said, "Yeah, I may be a bachelor, 61 00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:18,318 but it so happens that I already found the woman of my dreams, 62 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:21,488 and her name is Diane Chambers." 63 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:23,573 Really, Sam? 64 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,369 That's very sweet. 65 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,830 Call and check. Her name's Helen Castella. 66 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:32,624 - She's still there. Go on. - I don't have to call. 67 00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:36,211 I believe you. I trust you. 68 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,214 I think that was a wonderful thing to do. 69 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,216 Yeah, me too. 70 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,348 She bought that? 71 00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:54,229 I'd like to sell her the Old North Church. 72 00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:56,648 Good luck. 73 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,859 I owned that once. 74 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:05,365 It took me forever to unload it. 75 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,035 Boy, did I take a bath on that. 76 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:12,163 Boy, I really did it this time. 77 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:16,001 What are you worried about? She already bought the story. 78 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,753 When the magazine hits the stands, just tell her it's not your fault. 79 00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,589 The reporter didn't mention your sweetie. 80 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,007 - Yeah, foolproof. - Yeah. 81 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,218 No, at best I'm just buying time. 82 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,762 She said she wouldn't call, but she'll call. 83 00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:31,182 There was a time when she wouldn't have called, but, no, she'll call. 84 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,937 Sam, you don't trust Diane very much, huh? 85 00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:39,274 Coach, it's gotten to the point where I can't trust a thing that woman says. 86 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,486 I know what you mean, Sam. Once the trust goes out of a relationship, 87 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:46,239 it's really no fun lying to them anymore. 88 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:56,666 It's not my fault. You know, she always starts things. 89 00:06:56,875 --> 00:07:00,587 Telling me how to walk, how to act, how to think. 90 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:04,007 Yeah. Yeah, and you've been doing those things since you were what, 14? 91 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:05,967 Yeah. 92 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:10,138 You know, it's gotten to the point where I start doing things 93 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,849 I don't even wanna do, but just knowing it's gonna tick her off, 94 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:16,436 I gotta do them. And the more I think it's gonna drive her crazy, 95 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:18,980 the happier I get. Is that--? Is that weird? 96 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,232 No, no, we know the woman. 97 00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:25,946 Sammy, I think it's time for a romantic gesture, you know, 98 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,281 like a little trinket to smooth the water. 99 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:29,950 No, I've done all that stuff before. 100 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,077 I tell you, it's gonna take a lot more than music 101 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:35,246 and candlelit dinner to shut her up this time. 102 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:41,002 Sam, listen, I'm telling you, it's time for you take a big step. 103 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:45,215 Now, I wouldn't say this ordinarily to anyone in a million years, 104 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,010 but you know what might help? 105 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:53,515 If you actually had physical relations with her. 106 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,354 I don't think so, Coach. 107 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,648 I think we're both gonna wait until we're sure 108 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,108 how we feel about each other. 109 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,946 You're a good old-fashioned guy, Sam. 110 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,368 All right, you wanna hear the most romantic thing 111 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:16,329 - I heard a guy do in a long time? - All right, all right, what? 112 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:20,417 Well, I heard that Sally got mad at Burt 113 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,795 because she heard he was gonna do another movie with Loni. 114 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,798 So, Burt, to make up for it, 115 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:30,176 had someone paint a portrait of Sally. 116 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:34,764 Thank you very much for that enlightenment, Carla. 117 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:38,810 Now we can knock it off with the fan magazine drivel, huh? 118 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:42,147 I heard yesterday that Burt and Sally are headed for the altar. 119 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,444 You know, that's not such a bad idea, having a portrait done. 120 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:50,905 - I mean, she'd like that kind of thing. - Yeah. Refill, Sam. 121 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,992 Yeah, it shows some thinking, it's sensitive, it's personal-- 122 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:58,121 The altar? How can Burt do that with the terrible secret 123 00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:00,790 that he and Dinah still share? 124 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,128 Do you mind here? Carla, come on. 125 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,339 Now, what kind of artist should I get to paint Diane? 126 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,008 - Better get a bad one. - Why? 127 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,594 Well, you don't want it to look like her, do you? 128 00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:17,474 You know, your wisecracks all the time don't make things any easier here. 129 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:20,143 Oh, come on, Sam, you know my philosophy. 130 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:24,189 If you can't say something nice, say it about Diane. 131 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,943 Come on, help me out here, now. Where do you go to find an artist? 132 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:31,946 What do you do? Do you go to a store or something? 133 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:35,450 A store. Come on, Sam, we're not talking about TV dinners here, 134 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,703 we're talking about artists. You gotta go to where the artists are. 135 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:41,706 You know, to an artist place. 136 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:45,168 What's that terrible secret Burt and Dinah share? 137 00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:50,215 I can't tell you. In a readers' poll, I voted they should have more privacy. 138 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,971 Hey, listen, fellas. Sam, can I put this all in check for a minute? 139 00:09:57,138 --> 00:10:00,016 - Go on. - I happen to be a wonderful artist, 140 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,977 and I'd just love to do a picture of Diane. 141 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,772 I'd consider it a challenge, and I'd welcome it. 142 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:09,984 - You never told me about this talent. - Sure. Here, let me show you. 143 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:14,239 Norm. Norm, just hold it like that, please. 144 00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:28,002 - It stinks. - Yeah, it does. 145 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:32,257 I just remembered, it was my brother that had all the artistic talent. 146 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:38,721 Yeah, now I remember, my talent is eating things that aren't food. 147 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,474 Could we get back to this artist thing? 148 00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,977 Oh, yes. I deliver mail to an artist. 149 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,479 Yeah, he's a very successful artist too. 150 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,273 I'll tell you how successful he is. 151 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:53,611 Yesterday, he received a letter, had a check in it for $25,853 152 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,405 from a guy named Sweeney. 153 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,657 How do you know what was on the check, man? 154 00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:02,203 When I put it in the slot, it happened to pass in front of a 300-watt bulb. 155 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,957 Well, you want me to get on the horn, get him in here? 156 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,459 Yeah, I guess I could talk to him. Do you think he'd come down 157 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,838 - and bring some of his pictures? - Sure, I'll give it a shot. 158 00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:14,299 I usually hesitate to use the power vested in me 159 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,217 by the post office and the Almighty, 160 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,428 but in this case I'll make an exception. 161 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,889 You got a dime? 162 00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:25,185 Wait a second here, maybe this whole thing's about to blow over. 163 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,772 - Sam? - Yeah. 164 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,443 We've been very childish in the past. 165 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,195 We have? 166 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:38,698 Yes, over things like this magazine article. 167 00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:41,910 I was just about to call that reporter and check your story, but I didn't. 168 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:45,163 - And I'm so proud I didn't. - Me too. 169 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:51,419 I know we're not perfect, and we're going through a difficult time, 170 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:56,883 but... I just decided this is the perfect time to start fresh. 171 00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:00,762 Let's cleanse our relationship. 172 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:04,390 From this moment on, no more pettiness, 173 00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:08,269 no more suspicions, no more dishonesty. 174 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:12,357 You really mean this, don't you? 175 00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:14,984 I really do. 176 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,113 Okay. 177 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:23,368 Okay, Diane. Yeah, I'm gonna start being honest with you right now. 178 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:26,454 You know how I told you how I told that reporter all about you? 179 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,290 I didn't tell her anything about you. 180 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,295 - I see. - But I wish I had. 181 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,801 Thank you for respecting me enough to tell the truth. 182 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:44,722 Well, actually, I'm lying again, because I'm glad I didn't tell her. 183 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,182 It would've made me look whipped. 184 00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:50,645 If you want me to get on that telephone and tell her, I won't. 185 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:54,190 I was about to say I would, but I won't. The truth is-- 186 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:58,278 The truth-- The truth is that I like having millions of women 187 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:02,365 looking at my picture and dreaming, "I want him." 188 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:05,034 Now, this is just me being honest with you here. 189 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,539 That's exactly what I wanted. 190 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:13,251 Well, this is great. This is great. Why didn't we do this sooner, huh? 191 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,379 - I don't know. - You see how if you start telling 192 00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,548 the truth right away-- 193 00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,263 Sammy-- Sam, I'll make that phone call, huh? 194 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,267 You kids just carry on with what you're doing there. 195 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:44,574 Coach, someone just put their names on your picnic sign-up sheet here. 196 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,701 No kidding. How many? 197 00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:51,039 Three. We got Ziggy Stardust, the Mad Hatter and Clark Kent. 198 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:55,084 It looks like I got myself an infield. 199 00:13:57,378 --> 00:14:00,048 - Hey, everybody. - Norm. 200 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:04,010 - How are you feeling, Norm? - Naked without my beer, Coach. 201 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:07,055 Walked all the way over here dragging my thirst behind me. 202 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:10,183 How was dinner, Norm, huh? 203 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,894 Listen up, everybody. Stay away from that 204 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,646 Hungry Heifer place, that new place downtown. 205 00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:18,232 Yeah, but they've been advertising that a lot, Normie. No good, huh? 206 00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:19,859 No, no, no, it's awful. 207 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:23,196 Served me a terrible piece of meat, tough potatoes, 208 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,907 - soggy vegetables. Yeah. - Why didn't you send it back? 209 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,409 Oh, here's another thing, the service stinks. 210 00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:31,037 By the time the waiter got there to ask me if everything was okay, 211 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,623 I was through. 212 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,924 - Can I help you? - I have come 213 00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:45,218 to pander to the tastes of a tasteless. 214 00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:48,638 Oh, you wanna head the food committee. Wait a minute. 215 00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:51,099 We got a chairman for the food committee! 216 00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:55,186 Hey, look, my buffalo's sunny-side up there, chief. 217 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,855 You're referring to my apparel? 218 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,233 Oh, hey, no offense there, Little Beaver, 219 00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:04,987 but it is a tad-- Tad out of the mundane, you know? 220 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:08,116 Excuse me, sir, but what is that outfit? 221 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:12,120 This is an Arapaho ceremonial tunic worn by the village elders 222 00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:15,498 when they hold council in their hunting lodge. 223 00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:20,336 I earned it by letting them pierce my flesh with wild turkey quills. 224 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:25,883 This is a JC Penney wash-and-wear, tapered tails. 225 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:30,179 Salesman was a little nasty, but I didn't have to go through anything like that. 226 00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:35,685 I'm looking for Sam Malone. 227 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:39,021 I was told he was interested in buying some of my work. 228 00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:41,524 You must be Phillip Semenko, huh? 229 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,861 Oh, I'm Cliff Clavin, your mailman. 230 00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:49,240 - We finally meet face to face. - I can die now. 231 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:54,620 Yeah, yeah, you've got a great wit about you. 232 00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:57,957 - Thanks for stopping by. - I don't like to be touched. 233 00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,293 Hey, I can grok that. 234 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,920 Hey, I don't like to be touched either. 235 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:06,382 You know, I bet neither one of you has to tell that to a lot of people. 236 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,306 Here's the connoisseur now. Sam, our artist friend, 237 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,892 Mr. Semenko, is here. 238 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,145 Hi, I'm Sam Malone, Mr. Cementma-- 239 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:22,773 Smo-- Samakama... 240 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:26,444 That walking fire hydrant over there told me you were a man of taste 241 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:30,364 and intelligence. I see no evidence of that. 242 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:34,619 Well, maybe he's exaggerating a little. But you see, actually, 243 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,830 I'm new to this art thing. But I've heard a lot of good things about you, 244 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:40,875 and I think you may be just the guy to get me out of the doghouse 245 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,586 with my girlfriend, you know, by painting a little picture of her. 246 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:47,131 I don't care how you do it, as long as you make it look exactly like her. 247 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:49,509 And if you can have it here by tomorrow, that would be great. 248 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:54,972 I've got some snapshots here I took while we were up in the mountains. 249 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,183 That's her on the left there. 250 00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,435 These were taken up in New Hampshire. 251 00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:00,811 We got this little cabin. 252 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,899 How about that? I'm wearing the funny hat there in that one. 253 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:10,154 This one's-- This one's pretty good. It's shot up in the cabin right there. 254 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,198 You ever get up that way? 255 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,826 I guess not. 256 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:19,121 You know, it is okay if you hold these by the edges. 257 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:25,211 - Is there a problem here? - Your existence. 258 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:28,881 I was told I was coming here to meet a wealthy art investor 259 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:33,386 who could fill my coffers. No, I'm not above that yet. 260 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:38,891 Instead, I find myself face to face with a nightmarish product 261 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:42,895 of our floundering American educational system. 262 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,732 Hey, I don't have to take that. Do I? 263 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,403 Why don't we just call this whole thing off? I'm not so crazy 264 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,905 - about your attitude. - You, sir, are an ignorant man. 265 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,199 You are all ignorant. 266 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:58,244 You are all stuff to fill graves. 267 00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:01,247 Don't forget to tell your friends about Cheers. 268 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:06,252 Don't feel too bad, Sammy, I feel I'm partly to blame. 269 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,254 Let's talk, Cliff. 270 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,926 Hello, everyone. I'm back. 271 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,928 Oh, hi, Diane. 272 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:19,849 I'm sorry I stormed off like that. 273 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,519 I've cooled off. 274 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:27,773 Coach, Carla, everybody, let's just continue. 275 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:33,321 It's important that you all know that I wasn't really trying to kill Sam 276 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,032 when I wrapped the telephone cord-- 277 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:38,826 May I help you? 278 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,079 That's the face I've been looking for. 279 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,832 Sorry, I'm still using it. 280 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,713 I could let you visit it on weekends. 281 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,803 - Two drafts, Coach. - Coming up. 282 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,662 Thanks. 283 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,164 What? What? What? 284 00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:27,792 What do you want from me? 285 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,127 I'm Phillip Semenko. 286 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:31,587 I want to paint you. 287 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:37,510 Phillip Semenko, the genius? 288 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,262 That's redundant. 289 00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:45,976 I've seen your work, and you're brilliant. 290 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:51,065 And I love this Arapaho ceremonial tunic. 291 00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:56,612 What are you doing here? 292 00:19:56,821 --> 00:20:00,032 Up to now, fondly remembering my bout with jaundice. 293 00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,910 But then I saw you. 294 00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:04,954 I want you to be my next subject. 295 00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:08,541 Oh, you're kidding. Me? 296 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:09,750 Why? 297 00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:16,507 You have an ancient soul, and it's suffering. 298 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,176 Suffering more now than it has ever suffered before. 299 00:20:20,136 --> 00:20:22,930 - Suffering? - Yes. 300 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:25,975 Your spirit is imprisoned, trapped, 301 00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:28,394 stretched on a rack. 302 00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,398 Your eyes... 303 00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,525 ...have the look... 304 00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:37,486 ...of a strangling sparrow. 305 00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:45,161 Well, that's in this year. Last year it was bangs. 306 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:50,082 Hey, Tonto, I thought I told you to beat it. 307 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,168 Please, something important is happening. 308 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:55,171 That's right, you're leaving. The deal is off. Now, make yourself scarce. 309 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:58,215 - Come on, beat it. - You have nothing to do with this. 310 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:02,678 How dare you interrupt the artistic process at its very start? 311 00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:05,014 That's how I get my kicks. Now, come on, vamoose. 312 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,182 - Sam. - What? 313 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:10,186 Stop. This is Phillip Semenko, the genius. 314 00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:15,191 He wants to paint me. I've never been so excited in my life. 315 00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:18,569 - You heard of this clown before? - Yes, of course. 316 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:22,323 He's one of the most promising young artists in the country. 317 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:25,659 - Someday, he could be great. - Come on, Diane. 318 00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:28,579 If he was a great artist, what is he doing alive, huh? 319 00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:33,501 Sam, for goodness sake, will you stop? 320 00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,669 This is a chance of a lifetime. 321 00:21:35,669 --> 00:21:38,172 Can't you see how fascinated he is by me? 322 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:42,802 I want to start our sessions tomorrow, maybe tonight, maybe now. 323 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:45,971 Wait a minute here. Don't you see what's going on? 324 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,974 He's gonna invite you over to his place, ask you to get all nuded up. 325 00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:52,520 Hey, that happens to be my territory, fella. 326 00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:54,146 Sam. 327 00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:58,859 Don't be silly. Of course he wouldn't want me nude. 328 00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:01,737 But even if he did, I'd do it. The man is brilliant. 329 00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:05,282 You don't want me in the nude, do you? 330 00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:07,660 God knows I'm open-minded about that sort of thing. 331 00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,704 It's just that this time of year, there are so many colds around. 332 00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:12,081 You know? 333 00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:14,792 I paint the soul, not the body. 334 00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:18,963 - To me, every soul is naked. - The weirdo walks. Come on. 335 00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:24,426 Sam. Now, you can't do this. I want him to paint me. 336 00:22:24,635 --> 00:22:26,804 I can't let an opportunity like this pass. 337 00:22:27,054 --> 00:22:29,139 Honey, I don't like him. 338 00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:33,018 You do anything with him, do anything, go anywhere, 339 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:36,480 share a bus with him, and we're through. 340 00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:38,148 I have spoken. 341 00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:44,488 - Fine. - What? 342 00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:46,991 I said fine, whatever you want. 343 00:22:47,157 --> 00:22:50,244 I see how strongly you feel about it, so fine. 344 00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:54,665 Oh, yeah? Well, in that case, I got something else I wanna tell you. 345 00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:57,209 And as soon as I think of it, I will. 346 00:23:06,176 --> 00:23:09,138 I can only imagine the hell you've endured. 347 00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:12,016 It hasn't been easy. 348 00:23:12,182 --> 00:23:14,310 Well, goodbye. 349 00:23:17,521 --> 00:23:18,898 Wait. 350 00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:20,733 I really want you to paint me. 351 00:23:21,442 --> 00:23:24,987 What about that malignant growth you call a boyfriend? 352 00:23:27,031 --> 00:23:29,450 Just give him some time to cool down. 353 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:32,161 Once he sees the finished work, he'll forgive me. 354 00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:34,872 He'll forgive you, he'll forgive everything. 355 00:23:35,039 --> 00:23:36,582 He'll hate it. 356 00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:38,792 And he'll hate you for doing it. 357 00:23:39,001 --> 00:23:40,878 If you pose for me, it will drive a permanent wedge 358 00:23:41,045 --> 00:23:42,838 between you and that man. 359 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,675 So you won't do it? 360 00:23:47,301 --> 00:23:49,178 I'll do it for free. 361 00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:57,978 Hey, listen up, everybody. 362 00:23:58,145 --> 00:24:00,564 I'm sorry about coming on so strong like that. 363 00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:03,400 I know you think it's pretty unprofessional of me, 364 00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:06,362 but roughhouse is the only language some people understand, 365 00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:10,199 and if I have to, I know how to speak it. Okay, thanks for your attention. 366 00:24:10,407 --> 00:24:12,618 Just go back and have some fun there. 367 00:24:12,826 --> 00:24:14,203 Where's Diane?