1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,838
That's it, folks.
Let's lock it up, please.

2
00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,550
Hey, Carla. Can I give you a lift?

3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:10,677
I doubt it.

4
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,555
No, really. Why don't you let me
give you a ride home?

5
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,015
A ride home?

6
00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:17,267
I know what a ride home means.

7
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:18,352
What?

8
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,978
We'll get out in front of my place,

9
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:23,023
and you'll say, "Boy, I could
sure go for a cup of coffee now."

10
00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:27,694
Out of the goodness of my heart,
I'll invite you in for a cup of joe.

11
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:29,571
We'll talk for a while.

12
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,823
It'll get later, quieter.

13
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,659
You'll ask me if my radio works.

14
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,369
I'll say, "Yeah."

15
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,747
You'll put on a soft-music station,
a song will come on we both like.

16
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:41,667
We'll start dancing a little bit
around the kitchen floor.

17
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,795
As we're dancing,
you'll take a chance.

18
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:46,922
You'll give me a little kiss right here.

19
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,091
Carla, I'm not that kind of guy.

20
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,968
Shut up and listen.

21
00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:54,680
You give me a little kiss right here,

22
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,557
then you give me
a little nibble on the ear.

23
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,517
- Which ear?
- Your choice.

24
00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:02,563
I respond reluctantly,
which really makes you crazy...

25
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,298
<i>Hi, my name's Ernie Pantusso.</i>

26
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:14,509
<i>I'm supposed to tell you what
happened last week on</i> Cheers.

27
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,011
<i>Well, I'm good at explaining things</i>

28
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,388
<i>because I used to be
a baseball coach.</i>

29
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,390
<i>Here, let me illustrate.</i>

30
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:23,393
<i>Now, you may remember me
from my playing days in the minors.</i>

31
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:26,938
<i>I still hold the league record
for the most times hit by a pitch.</i>

32
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:30,067
<i>That's as good as a hit.
Anyway, where was I?</i>

33
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:35,322
<i>Oh, last week on</i> Cheers, <i>this fellow
Semenko came into the bar.</i>

34
00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,574
<i>He's a very famous artist.</i>

35
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:41,078
<i>While he was here,
this Semenko fellow saw Diane</i>

36
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,080
<i>and he got an idea.</i>

37
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,790
<i>He decided to paint her picture.</i>

38
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,000
<i>He thought there was something
special about her puss.</i>

39
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,795
<i>Diane loved the idea
because she'd heard of this fellow</i>

40
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,172
<i>and thought he was good
and, as you all know,</i>

41
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:54,549
<i>Diane's very smart.</i>

42
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:59,137
<i>Well, the trouble is, when Sam
met this artist, Semenko,</i>

43
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,347
<i>he hated him.</i>

44
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:02,641
<i>He told him he couldn't
paint Diane's picture,</i>

45
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,768
<i>and he told him
to get out of the place.</i>

46
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,938
<i>Semenko started to go,
and Sam left the room.</i>

47
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,690
<i>Diane pretended to go along,</i>

48
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,567
<i>but then Diane went
behind Sam's back.</i>

49
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:13,694
<i>Hey, wait a minute.</i>

50
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:17,322
<i>This is starting to look like a diagram
for our old double steal.</i>

51
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,574
<i>As soon as the pitcher
goes into his wind-up,</i>

52
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,284
<i>the runner on first
breaks for second,</i>

53
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:22,953
<i>and the runner on second
breaks for third.</i>

54
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,705
<i>Or if second and third are occupied,</i>

55
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,581
<i>the runner on second
breaks for third.</i>

56
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,125
<i>And the man on third goes home.</i>

57
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,001
<i>The batter hits the ball
to the opposite field,</i>

58
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,754
<i>which means the fielder's play
is to home plate.</i>

59
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:36,133
<i>Wait a minute. I'm sorry,
this isn't the double steal at all.</i>

60
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:39,594
<i>These are directions
to my daughter's house.</i>

61
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,305
<i>No, I'm wrong again. She moved.</i>

62
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,141
<i>Or did she?</i>

63
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:47,602
<i>Anyway, Diane was
going behind Sam's back.</i>

64
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,020
Wait.

65
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,689
I really want you to paint me.

66
00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:54,443
What about that malignant growth
you call a boyfriend?

67
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:57,070
Once he sees the finished work,
he'll forgive me.

68
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:59,531
He'll forgive you,
he'll forgive everything.

69
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,324
He'll hate it.

70
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,410
And he'll hate you for doing it.

71
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,495
So you won't do it?

72
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,414
I'll do it for free.

73
00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:10,250
<i>Listen, I don't know about you,
but I'm worried.</i>

74
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:13,336
<i>I can't remember
where my daughter lives.</i>

75
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,297
<i>Oh, well, you're up to date.</i>

76
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,257
<i>Let's see, it's somewhere
in New England.</i>

77
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,218
<i>Something-something
Lane or Drive.</i>

78
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,524
Okay, listen up, everybody, will you?

79
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,235
The picnic is off.

80
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,446
Why is that, Coach?

81
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,949
Lack of interest.
I'm just calling it quits.

82
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,285
Sorry we spoiled your picnic, Coach.

83
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,287
My picnic?

84
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,916
You think I was doing this all for me?

85
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,461
You think I like sitting out there
in the dust and the dirt,

86
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,088
and fighting the ants
for a chicken leg?

87
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,757
I can do that at home.

88
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,802
But listen, forget everything,

89
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:05,847
just forget the picnic,
forget my sweat and all my work.

90
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,432
Forget me.

91
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,061
Oh, what the heck.

92
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:12,771
I'm going to Coach's picnic.

93
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:16,066
Yeah, stick my name up there,
too, will you, Shaffy?

94
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:24,491
Pathetic old-man bit, Carla.
Works like a charm.

95
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:28,453
Afternoon, everybody.

96
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,205
- Hey, Norm!
- Norm!

97
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,291
What's up, Normie?

98
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,293
The temperature
under my collar, Coach.

99
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,546
Oh, what's the matter there,
big guy?

100
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:40,048
That damn Hungry Heifer
restaurant again.

101
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,633
Place is the pits.

102
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,594
Oh, wait, you went back?
I thought you hated it there.

103
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,264
Oh, I got lured back
by their surf-and-turf special.

104
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:50,267
Oh, yeah, what's that,
lobster and steak, huh?

105
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,769
Tuna fish sandwich and beef gravy.

106
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,776
Well, Diane is late again today.

107
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:03,154
You know something?
She's been late every day this week.

108
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,575
Yeah, you know, ever since Sammy
threw that guy Semenko out of the bar.

109
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:10,161
Yeah, yeah, well, I could have
told Sammy a lot about that guy.

110
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,580
He's a real headcase,

111
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:15,292
and like all artists worthy
of the name,

112
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:18,920
the man is a homosexual.

113
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,298
Come on, Cliff ie,
you think that everybody

114
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,091
who's the slightest bit
different is gay.

115
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,469
Oh, hey, no, I'm giving you
the benefit of the doubt.

116
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,014
All right, all right,
you think that all artists are gay.

117
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,308
Absolutely. I mean,
if you don't believe me,

118
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:34,644
I can bring down this
coffee-table book I got at home,

119
00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:37,188
nude male statuary.

120
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,065
You tell me after you look
at those pictures

121
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,443
that the guys
who chiseled those lads

122
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:43,737
aren't a little light in the loafers.

123
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,463
Oh, Phillip.

124
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:05,050
It's wonderful.

125
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,427
Really, it is.

126
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,058
Damn it!

127
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,435
I've run out of talent.

128
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:17,854
Phillip.

129
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,648
I'm worthless.

130
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,275
I'm a dog.

131
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:26,029
Stick a knife between
my shoulder blades.

132
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:29,199
Phillip, please.
You do this every day.

133
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,118
Today it's different.

134
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:33,745
I've really lost it.

135
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,997
Is there anything I can do?

136
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:39,459
- There is one thing.
- Well, anything. What?

137
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,461
Let's go to bed.

138
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:47,425
You want to make love?

139
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,804
No, I always take a nap
with a blond in the afternoon.

140
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,264
Phillip, I don't know what to say.

141
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:56,893
I thought we had
a professional relationship.

142
00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,187
Okay, afterwards you can pay me.

143
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,275
I make love to everything I paint.

144
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:08,446
Your most famous painting is of
the Harvard-Yale football game.

145
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,784
Yes, I spent three months in jail.

146
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,997
College types don't understand me.

147
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:20,750
I do, however, still get
a few Christmas cards.

148
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,671
Phillip.

149
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,842
You're a very talented man.

150
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,636
If we had met at a different time
and a different place--

151
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,388
Wait a minute.

152
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:36,224
The problem is not my talent,
it's you.

153
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:37,475
You've lost your agony.

154
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:42,564
You've lost that sense of anguish
that drew me to you.

155
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:46,109
I'm dreadfully sorry.
What should I do to get unhappy?

156
00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:49,404
Why don't you go see
what Bullwinkle's doing?

157
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,241
Don't call him that.

158
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:57,370
- Who?
- I know to whom you are referring.

159
00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,749
You're always making remarks
about him.

160
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,375
I don't like that.

161
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,626
You don't know him.

162
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:05,253
I know him.

163
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,672
I know him better than you do.

164
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,883
What a prize!

165
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,719
Phillip, stop.

166
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,723
I admit, Sam and I
are very different people.

167
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,185
Sometimes that's good.

168
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,980
Sometimes it's not so good.

169
00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,776
Sometimes he makes me cry.

170
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:34,407
Sometimes he hurts me
and seems to like it.

171
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,329
That's it.

172
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:40,830
It's back.

173
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:43,249
The torment is back,

174
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,544
and with it, my brilliance.

175
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,216
I'll put some coffee on.

176
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,426
Never mind, I'm done.

177
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,429
What?

178
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,814
Oh, Phillip.

179
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,775
I love it.

180
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:12,112
And so will Sam. He will.

181
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,407
Okay, I got it.

182
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,159
My problems are solved.

183
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,495
An exploding pizza for Diane?

184
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:25,208
No, no. That's good, but no.

185
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,835
You remember how
she was so disappointed

186
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,087
that I wouldn't let that
Smirnoff guy paint her?

187
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,880
Keeps insisting he's a great artist?

188
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,091
Hey, yeah, we all know
what that means, right?

189
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,386
Well, I finally got something
to cheer her up here.

190
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,388
I had somebody do
a great painting of her

191
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:42,433
from those photographs that weren't
good enough for Laughing Boy.

192
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:47,397
- Where'd you get it, Sam?
- Oh, I saw an ad in <i>TV Guide.</i>

193
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:51,442
You know, the one with the cover story
about the ten cutest sitcom kids.

194
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,695
Oh, yeah, yeah, interesting reading.

195
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:57,407
Well, this guy takes
an ordinary photograph

196
00:10:57,615 --> 00:11:00,076
and he turns it into a work of art.

197
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:01,411
- You ready for this?
- Yeah.

198
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:02,662
- Yeah. Come on.
- Come on.

199
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:14,883
Good one, Sammy.

200
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,263
Even I think that's tacky.

201
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,516
Real jerky, huh?

202
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,268
I knew that.

203
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:28,771
Don't you-- Don't you worry about me.
I knew that.

204
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:31,191
Real work of art there, Sammy.

205
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,109
Boy, you know, this is great actually.

206
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,195
I was afraid she might think
I was serious,

207
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:41,451
but I see now that the humor
of this isn't wasted on anybody.

208
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,207
It's one of the most powerful
visual statements

209
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,709
of melancholy I've ever seen.

210
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:52,212
And Sam will appreciate
that it's atrabilious

211
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,505
yet not a bit lugubrious.

212
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:59,344
If you think Sam's gonna love
this painting,

213
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,722
you're crazier than
I'm accused of being.

214
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,352
Go ahead and show it to him.

215
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:10,730
Goodbye.

216
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:15,026
Well, you're not coming to the bar
to show it to everyone?

217
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:19,030
No. But say hi
to all the gang for me.

218
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:24,661
Besides, I think you should be alone
with Mortimer tomorrow.

219
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:29,374
Don't call him that,
and why should I be alone with him?

220
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,418
Because it's the last time
you'll ever see him.

221
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,895
Hi, Carla. Sorry I'm late.

222
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,398
Yeah, yeah.

223
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:55,316
What's that?

224
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:58,361
The large package
is a portrait of me.

225
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,406
It's that weirdo artist that Sam
threw out of here, right?

226
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,366
I knew what you've been
doing all this week.

227
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,159
You figured it out?

228
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:07,745
Of course. It's all so obvious.

229
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:13,376
Carla, I've been late a lot this week.
You've had to do a lot of extra work.

230
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,086
Here.

231
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,381
- What is it?
- It's a gift.

232
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,384
My way of saying you did
something nice for me,

233
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,720
and I thank you.

234
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,564
Hey, that's beautiful!

235
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,190
I thought you could wear it
with your purple outfit.

236
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:39,444
Yeah, yeah, I probably can.

237
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,696
Carla.

238
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:46,576
It's polite to express gratitude
when one is given a gift.

239
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:48,870
Yeah, right.

240
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,680
Damn, I'd love that thing too.

241
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:11,100
- Carla, keep it.
- Oh, good.

242
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,813
- Where's Sam?
- In the back.

243
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,316
Carla, why don't you
take the day off?

244
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,693
I'll cover. I owe it to you.

245
00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:22,070
Go join the picnic.

246
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,823
Okay, I know what
you're doing here.

247
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,700
I see what you're up to.

248
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:32,705
You're doing all this just to
get me to say that thing

249
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:36,542
that people say when other people
do favors for them.

250
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,753
You don't have to say it.
Go ahead and go.

251
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,255
I don't? Oh, thank you.

252
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,302
Oh, I have to punish my tongue.

253
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,563
Hey, babe. What's up?

254
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:01,025
- This.
- What's that?

255
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,027
It's a painting of me.

256
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,740
It was that Semenko guy, wasn't it?

257
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,367
You went behind my back.

258
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,744
I told you I didn't want you to do this.

259
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,205
You knew exactly how I felt,
and yet you went ahead and did it.

260
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:18,084
Sam, let's not talk
until after you look at it.

261
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:21,504
I don't wanna look at it.
I want an explanation here.

262
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:23,714
This is my explanation.

263
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:27,468
Fine, fine, fine,
I'll look at the damn thing.

264
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,971
No, I don't want you to look at it
in that frame of mind.

265
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,723
- Well, tough. Tough.
- No, no, you're upset,

266
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,476
and I don't want you to look at it
until your mind is open.

267
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,856
It's filled with animosity
to Phillip and me.

268
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,190
It is not.

269
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,276
My mind is completely empty,
all right?

270
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:47,113
No! I'm not going to have you
look at this until you calm down.

271
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:48,698
You're crazy, you know that?

272
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,367
First, you bring in this and tell me
that you want me to look at it.

273
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:52,952
Now you won't let me look at it.

274
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,745
You can look at it.

275
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,833
I just have to see some evidence
of calmness.

276
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,918
I'm calm, Diane.

277
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:03,796
- No, you're not.
- I am calm.

278
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,924
No, you're not.

279
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:10,470
I'm calm. if I were any more calm,
I would be dead.

280
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:15,933
Your knuckles are white
and your jaw muscles are quivering.

281
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:20,271
I get that way when I'm about to
look at art. Now, come on.

282
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:24,859
We'll do this later.

283
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,320
Fine, fine, fine.

284
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:33,409
I don't want anything to distract you
from your enjoyment of this painting.

285
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:37,622
When you see it,
you'll understand and forgive.

286
00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,333
What happens if I hate it?

287
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,169
I know you're going to love it.

288
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,338
Because in the last six months
you've come so far

289
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,465
and made so much progress.

290
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,719
You know, you sound like
you're talking about a chimp.

291
00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:55,431
I just push the right buttons
and out pops a banana.

292
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,934
That's a ludicrous comparison.

293
00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,354
There isn't a chimp alive
who could keep up with you.

294
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:05,274
You know, you always do this.
I really hate it.

295
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:07,735
You think you have to tell poor Sam
what he should like,

296
00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,445
what he shouldn't like.

297
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,739
How he should walk,
how he should talk.

298
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:14,575
What fork he should use
with his soup and salad.

299
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:17,078
I know, I know!
You don't use a fork with soup.

300
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,747
I just said you use a fork with soup.
It was a mistake.

301
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:22,500
Please, do not say,
"You don't use a fork with soup."

302
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,335
If you do nothing else for me
the rest of your life,

303
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,296
do not say, "You don't use
a fork with soup."

304
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,091
My God, Sam.

305
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,219
I made you a babbling idiot.

306
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,263
Who are you calling
a babbling idiot, huh?

307
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:38,724
Don't get upset.
I'm actually criticizing myself.

308
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:42,228
You just called me a babbling idiot
and you're criticizing yourself?

309
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,523
Do me a favor,
let me criticize me for a while, huh?

310
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:46,899
You're a sicknick!

311
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,323
I should have known.

312
00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,200
I tried to convince myself that you--

313
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:57,743
That I'm--

314
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:58,995
That we're--

315
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,545
This relationship has always been
a contest of wills.

316
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,171
I give up.

317
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,966
All my rage is gone.

318
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,343
Maybe everything is gone.

319
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,597
Oh, I see what you're doing here.

320
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,765
You don't wanna fight
because I'm winning.

321
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,603
Yeah. Yeah, I hammered you
pretty good on this one, huh?

322
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:26,981
Actually, I've won a lot of these babies,
I just never mentioned it before.

323
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:29,567
Yeah, here, come on.

324
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,445
I'm leaving. I find this
very tiresome all of a sudden.

325
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,030
Oh, no, no, you're not leaving yet.

326
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,782
Not until we've had a brouhaha.

327
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,535
Brew on your own ha-ha.

328
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,748
I tell you, I'm through. I'm empty.

329
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:47,251
Oh, yeah? The only thing empty
about you is your head.

330
00:18:50,004 --> 00:18:51,088
You go out that door now,

331
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,799
I'm gonna be crawling
with chicks by sundown.

332
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,594
Wait, wait, wait,
I'm not through yet.

333
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,096
Hey, watch this.

334
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,974
I'm gonna do it too.
I really am gonna do this.

335
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:06,687
All right, wait.

336
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,732
Wait, I was saving my best for last.
You ready for my best?

337
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,901
Okay, this is my best shot right here.

338
00:19:17,031 --> 00:19:19,283
Oh, my God.

339
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,911
Childish.

340
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:28,918
It's degrading to me, to you,
to the human race.

341
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,548
This doesn't bother me at all, Sam.

342
00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:36,634
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

343
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,261
Gotcha. Gotcha.

344
00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:42,682
- I win again.
- I want you to know something.

345
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:45,518
Ever since we've known each other,
I have said to myself,

346
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:48,896
one day, we are going to
get down to the real you.

347
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,065
Well, we did it.

348
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:56,487
Do you know what the difference is
between you and a fat braying ass?

349
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:57,863
Nope.

350
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,199
The fat braying ass would.

351
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:08,457
Speaking of fat braying asses,
you're about to get dumped on yours.

352
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,169
How dare you slap me.

353
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:19,802
- Don't you ever hit me again!
- Like hell.

354
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,517
You always think you gotta get
the last one in.

355
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,644
You don't-- Come on,
all right, all right, fine.

356
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,774
Please, come on.
Let go, come on. All right?

357
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,360
- You first.
- All right, all right, all right.

358
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,320
On the count of three.

359
00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:43,701
One, two, three, now.

360
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,957
- You're not letting go.
- You're squeezing harder.

361
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,376
That's because you're not letting go.

362
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:55,463
I'm not letting go
because you're squeezing harder.

363
00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:57,798
Come on, come on.

364
00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:59,800
This is it.

365
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:06,557
We have sunk as low
as human beings can sink.

366
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,102
There's no degradation left.

367
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:18,360
Are you okay?

368
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,571
Do I look okay?

369
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,825
Actually, you look
a little like Rudolph.

370
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:29,705
Come to me,
my sweet little reindeer.

371
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:33,334
Your big old stag's in town.

372
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:35,169
- Don't touch me.
- Oh, come on, come on.

373
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:37,963
- You hit me!
- Well, not hard.

374
00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:41,759
What does that mean, "not hard"?

375
00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:44,470
It means not as hard as I wanted to.

376
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,222
I'm leaving.

377
00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:48,182
No, no. Now, wait, wait,
you're not leaving yet.

378
00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:51,936
- Not until I say one more thing.
- Oh, what?

379
00:21:52,603 --> 00:21:54,688
Get the hell out of here.

380
00:22:02,905 --> 00:22:05,741
You are about to cross
a very dangerous line.

381
00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:07,368
You heard me. I want you out.

382
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:10,538
If this is coming out of the heat
of the moment,

383
00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:12,790
it is a very bad mistake.

384
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:15,918
One which you will never
be able to correct.

385
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:17,920
Out.

386
00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:23,175
Because if I go,
I am never, ever coming back.

387
00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:25,761
Can I get that in writing?

388
00:22:25,928 --> 00:22:28,931
Oh, damn, I only got pencils.
I'd sure like to get this in ink.

389
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,766
Don't joke, Sam!

390
00:22:30,933 --> 00:22:32,935
I mean it!

391
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:37,815
And I want you to understand,
if you don't stop me now,

392
00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:41,110
this is the last time
you'll ever see me.

393
00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:59,837
Fine.

394
00:23:02,673 --> 00:23:04,967
Hey, Diane.

395
00:23:09,263 --> 00:23:11,390
This is it, huh?

396
00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:20,316
This is it.

397
00:23:23,027 --> 00:23:24,737
Goodbye.

398
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:26,906
Goodbye.