1 00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:04,838 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:07,758 Last call, everybody. 3 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,343 You going to wake Norm? 4 00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:10,969 No, it won't be necessary. 5 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,766 One more, and I'm a memory. 6 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,560 Coming right up. 7 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:22,147 - How long was I asleep? - Couple of hours. 8 00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:25,234 You dropped off during Cliff's Florida travelogue. 9 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,778 Yeah, boy, you were the lucky one. 10 00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:30,072 Any subject you bring up, he uses as an opening. 11 00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:32,115 Yeah, at least before he went to Florida, 12 00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:34,576 he was boring on a wide range of topics. 13 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,204 Hey, cool it, he's coming. 14 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,206 Don't anybody say anything about anything. 15 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,543 Hey, look at this, huh? He is risen. 16 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,547 Yeah, you were snoring away for quite a while there, wasn't he, Carla? 17 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,507 Yeah, yeah. 18 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,468 Well, another day shot, huh? 19 00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:55,264 Guess I'll just slip off to the old hacienda and close the peepers. 20 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:57,307 Yup, good night. 21 00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:58,809 Later. 22 00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:01,395 Well, it's not really later in Florida, Sammy. 23 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:03,897 It's a popular misconception. 24 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,859 It's Eastern Standard Daylight Time down there too. 25 00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:11,655 Speaking of time, boy, it really stops still when you're in the Everglades. 26 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:14,491 Boy, they've got huge gators down there. 27 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:18,078 You know, gators are what we, who are familiar with Florida, call the alligators. 28 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,414 Yeah, they got huge gators and gigantic Crocs. 29 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:23,584 - You all know what a croc is? - Oh, yeah. 30 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:28,380 Well, yeah, the first, first morning there was crystalline. 31 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:33,093 As I was stepping out of the hydrofoil, the captain, Billy Bob Dupre, I think his name was, 32 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:35,804 asked me not to bring the beach umbrella, 33 00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:38,515 well, 'cause it got caught in the prop on the way out... 34 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:56,677 - Hi. I'm finally here. Better late than never. - Wouldn't be my choice. 35 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,430 Sorry, Sam, traffic was awful. 36 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,266 That's okay. Oh, what've we got here? 37 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,227 Just some things. 38 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:08,605 Some things you forgot a few months ago. 39 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:12,609 To be opened later-- privately, very discreetly. 40 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:16,196 Hey, my pants. All right. 41 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,950 Ooh, I've been looking for these. Where'd you find 'em? In your bedroom? 42 00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,368 A little louder, please, 43 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:24,121 for the three or four people in the Ukraine who didn't hear. 44 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,332 There's more. I don't know how you got along 45 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,584 without your Snoopy toothbrush. 46 00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:32,504 Nice, Sammy, nice. 47 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:37,050 Hey, Mr. Tooth Decay better watch out now, huh, Sam? 48 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:43,014 I'll have you know that four out of five dentists rate this right at the top. 49 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,100 I trust you'll return the favor. 50 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:48,270 I may have inadvertently left one or two things at your place. 51 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:52,190 - I'm almost sure I left my beige sweater there. - No problem. I'll take a peek under the bed. 52 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:55,652 Oh, but you can keep that little hand puppet you loved so much. 53 00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:59,364 - Hand puppet? - Yes, Brian the Lion. 54 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:03,243 Oh, yeah. Brian the Lion. 55 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,162 I remember how touched you were 56 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,706 that I actually gave you something I had in my childhood. 57 00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:09,166 Yeah. Touched, extremely. 58 00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,668 I'll give you five bucks to run out of the room right now. 59 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,712 - You got it. - No, no, take this with you. 60 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,633 Brian... 61 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:24,306 Oh, yeah, by golly, in this light, it does look a little bit like Brian. 62 00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:29,352 Brian the Lion, a bar rag? 63 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:37,027 Sam Malone, you are the most insensitive, insufferable boob 64 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,362 I have ever had the misfortune to run across. 65 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,032 Oh, come on, it just wasn't meant to work out 66 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:43,867 between me and Brian. 67 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,577 I wasn't cut out to be a puppeteer. 68 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:49,414 That's got to be a tough thing for a man to admit in public, eh? 69 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,376 Oh, come on. 70 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,881 Oh, come on. Please, Diane, don't, don't be mad at me. 71 00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:58,882 Hmm? Please. 72 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,175 Well... 73 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:02,844 - Please? - I guess I'm overreacting. 74 00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:06,306 Oh, good, then, how about a little kiss, hmm? 75 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,309 Okay. 76 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:12,020 And put some tongue in it. 77 00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:22,864 Well, Sammy, that'll be five bucks for my mad dash out of the room. 78 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,199 So, what was that all about? 79 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:28,578 Brian the Lion was my dearest childhood pal. 80 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:32,749 Oh. Then being a grimy bar rag should be a step up. 81 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,316 Norm, it's a little-known fact that the word "Florida" 82 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,443 comes from the language of the Okefenokee Indians 83 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,611 and it means, literally, 84 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:04,531 - 'a place where the old people come to sweat'. - Excuse me. 85 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,074 Sam. 86 00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,327 Did you see... see the lady there in the green dress? 87 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,621 - Yeah. - I'm going to marry her. 88 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,374 - You're going to marry her? - I'm going to marry her. 89 00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:17,043 - Wha--what's her name? - I don't know her name. 90 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,170 That--that doesn't mean a thing. 91 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:22,591 Sam, it's what we Italians call the "thunderbolt." 92 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,467 I had the exact same thing happen to me 93 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,803 when I first laid eyes on my Angela. 94 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,723 Coach, don't you think you're jumping the gun a little bit here? 95 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:31,641 Cliff ie, honest, I know what I know. 96 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:35,729 Norm, do you think I should go over there and introduce myself? 97 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,314 Yeah, I think it's best, Coach. 98 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,692 It eliminates that awkward first meeting at the altar. 99 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:44,112 Coach, 100 00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:48,408 that is the most romantic thing I have ever heard in this bar. 101 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:51,077 - Whoa, wait a minute. - Oh, thank you, Diane. 102 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,414 What about when I invited you to my nude limbo party? 103 00:06:56,207 --> 00:07:00,337 - Christmas Eve was a bad time for it, Sam. - Ah. Maybe so. 104 00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,881 The trouble is you're a little outnumbered over there, Coach. 105 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,259 Yeah, Coach, I think you need somebody 106 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,553 to run interference with her young friend. 107 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,057 You're absolutely right, Cliff ie. Sam, would you go over there with me? 108 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,434 Yeah, Sam would have been my pick. 109 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,437 Coach, I'm going to be blunt with you. 110 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,939 Her friend's cute and all that, 111 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,191 but she doesn't have what I'm looking for in a woman. 112 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,693 What's that, breakaway clothes? 113 00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:29,950 No. No, she just looks a little too tame for me, that's all. 114 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:33,036 Come on, now, Coach, you've got to look at it from my point of view. 115 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:36,498 - I mean, I only have so many nights. - And I'd trade all of mine for one of yours. 116 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:41,419 - No, you wouldn't. - Oh, yeah, I'd throw in my left lung too. 117 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,466 Would you please come over with me? I'd appreciate it. 118 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:50,387 Oh, boy, you know, the things I do for you, Coach... 119 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:54,557 Oh, thank you, Sam. Gee, I haven't done this in such a long time. 120 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:58,603 Look at my hands. They're sweating. Thank you, Sam. 121 00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:06,736 Coach, I'm going to tell you what you used to tell me when I was nervous 122 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:09,698 - and going out to the mound in late innings. - What? 123 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,366 Blow it, and I don't know you. 124 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:13,910 Boy, I should have written some of those things down. 125 00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,245 - Ready? - Yeah, let's go. 126 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:20,417 Good evening, ladies. Hi. My name's Sam Malone, 127 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:23,795 and this is my friend, Ernie Pantusso. You can call him Coach. 128 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:29,259 We were wondering if you ladies could settle a bet for us. 129 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,678 Are you two sisters? 130 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:38,101 My name's Irene Blanchard, and this is my daughter, Sue Blanchard. 131 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,227 - Ah. - Oh. 132 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,147 - Hi. How are you? Sue? - Pleasure to meet you. 133 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,898 Hi. Nice to meet you. 134 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,066 No, no. 135 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,862 Listen, we don't want-- mean to intrude here. You girls waiting for your husbands? 136 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,948 No, neither of us is married. 137 00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:54,868 Well, I'll see what I can do about that. 138 00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:56,911 Would you care to join us? 139 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:59,456 - Well, thank you. - Yeah, why not? 140 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:00,623 Thank you very much. 141 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,876 You two ladies out on the town tonight? 142 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,587 No, actually, we just dropped by to rob the place. 143 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,006 Everybody do as they say, and nobody'll get hurt. 144 00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,426 No, Coach, that was a joke. 145 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,596 Oh, well, I really enjoy a sense of humor. 146 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:16,973 I mean, with me, it's an absolute must. 147 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:20,351 - Is that a player piano over there? - Oh... 148 00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:30,070 Coach. Coach, that was not a joke. 149 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:34,657 Oh. Well, I like a serious side to someone too. 150 00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,744 Yes, yes, that is a player piano. 151 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,038 - Would you like to see it? - Yes. 152 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,499 I haven't seen one since I was a teenager. 153 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:47,170 - When was that, last summer? - Oh, Mr. Pantusso, you're a sly one. 154 00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:48,505 If I didn't know better, 155 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,049 I'd think you were trying to steal my heart away. 156 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,511 I'd rather have it given to me. Come on. 157 00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:57,430 Excuse us. 158 00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,599 Sam, I'm not going too fast for you, am I? 159 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:03,353 No, no, I'm just waiting for an opening, Coach. 160 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,855 Opening? You could drive a truck through this one. 161 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,111 Well, here we are... 162 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:16,783 Man, woman... Cool evening breeze, full moon. 163 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,535 Need I say more? 164 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,538 Only if you want me to know what you're talking about. 165 00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:22,914 Ah. 166 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,791 I'm sorry, that was my cute way 167 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,670 of inviting you out to dinner and an evening of romance. 168 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:33,091 Oh. Well, that's a very tempting offer, 169 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:38,096 but... Mother and I haven't been out for, oh, months. 170 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,973 Ah. Well, I understand. 171 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,266 Just my luck, huh? 172 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,643 Well, I'll tell you, if you change your mind, 173 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,770 there'll be a moonbeam with our name on it. 174 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:49,524 Excuse me, Sue, but Ernie wants to take me to dinner at his favorite restaurant. 175 00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:53,194 I know you won't mind, because we've had dinner together every night this week. 176 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,240 Very funny book. 177 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,785 Don't wait up. 178 00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:05,415 Sam, Sam, this is okay with you, isn't it? 179 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,083 - Sam? - Hmm? 180 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:09,002 - Is this okay with you? - Oh, yeah, yeah. 181 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:10,587 Oh, oh, good night. 182 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:13,006 Don't worry. I'll have her back by Thursday. 183 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:22,265 Excuse me, you did say you and Mom hadn't been out to dinner for months? 184 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,434 Uh... 185 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,312 Yes, I'm afraid I've been caught in a lie. 186 00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:33,693 You were lying to get out of dating me? 187 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:39,240 Well, I'm sorry. I was only trying to let you down easy. 188 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:42,202 You were trying to let me down easy? 189 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:46,164 The fact of the matter, Mr. Malone, is that you're not my type. 190 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:47,999 I'm not your type? 191 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,336 You know, you're not adding a lot to this chat, Mr. Malone. 192 00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,796 I'm not adding a lot to this chat? 193 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,300 Really, I--I'm sorry. What can I say? 194 00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,637 The initial attraction just isn't there. I'm sorry. 195 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,556 No, hey, no problem. Are you kidding me? 196 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,059 I was just inviting you out there to help out my pal. 197 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,810 The truth is you're not my type either. 198 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,437 Well, fine, no harm done. 199 00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:12,232 No, none. I mean, there's nothing going on here. 200 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,901 No magic, no spark, no reason to continue. 201 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,488 What're you doing tomorrow? 202 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:23,868 Well, I'm not doing anything tomorrow, but what does it matter? 203 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:27,455 - You see, I'm not interested in you. - Right. Yeah, we established that, right. 204 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,708 Thursday? Friday? Saturday? This week? 205 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,378 Hey, I don't want to go out with you! 206 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:47,183 Okay, Norm, okay, so he blew one. He's not a god. 207 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:55,358 - He was to me. I... - There, there... 208 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,282 My world doesn't make sense anymore. 209 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,993 What's going on here, Sammy? What went wrong? 210 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:09,372 Boy, you know, if you ask me, that girl's got a big problem. 211 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:13,042 You're right. It's called good taste. 212 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,963 - Oh, well, there you go. - That explains it, yeah. 213 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:23,886 It's the bottom of the ninth with two outs, and the Sox need a miracle here tonight... 214 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,057 Carla, Carla, look, the Sox are rallying in the ninth inning. 215 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,727 I've sworn off those losers forever. 216 00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,564 I am not interested. 217 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,858 It's going, going! 218 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,401 I retract everything. Go, Sox. 219 00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:42,030 - Oh, it's gone up against the wall. - Oh, God. Oh! 220 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:50,663 You know, I don't ask for much in this life. 221 00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:52,582 Fresh fish, 222 00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:56,127 ten cents off on laundry detergent, 223 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:59,839 volcanic boils all over my ex-husband, 224 00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:04,469 and the Sox in the Series again before I die. 225 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:07,764 - Hey, you're a good woman, Carla. - Ah, shove it. 226 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,770 Sam, did you remember to bring my sweater in tonight? 227 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:17,357 Your-- I'm sorry, I forgot that again. Don't worry, 228 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:21,402 - I promise I'll bring it in tomorrow night. - Please. I have to remind you every night. 229 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:25,281 Well, that's okay. It gives me a chance to throw it in the washing machine. 230 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:28,785 For God's sake, don't throw it in the washer. 231 00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:33,122 It's handspun lamb's wool. It'll shrink up to nothing. 232 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:36,584 Ah, oh, it'll shrink. Yeah, well, I'm glad we had this little talk. 233 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,628 I didn't realize that. 234 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:54,102 You know, since I'm going to have to part with that sweater, could you tell me 235 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,270 where I might be able to get one exactly like it? 236 00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:59,857 Sorry, Sam, I bought it in Ireland years ago. 237 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:03,444 - It's one of a kind, totally irreplaceable. - Uh-huh, uh-huh. 238 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:06,072 So if a guy had been spending the whole morning 239 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,784 going from one department store to the next, he'd have been wasting his time? 240 00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:14,080 Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 241 00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:16,791 - I'm sorry. - Oh... 242 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,418 It's clean. 243 00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,965 Sam, how could you? 244 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:27,802 Oh, come on now, Diane. Don't be small about this. 245 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,013 I hate you. 246 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,850 Well, don't--don't you want this? 247 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,727 What in the world is it good for? 248 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:41,315 Well, did you ever see that movie, The Incredible Shrinking Woman? 249 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:44,235 I pray to God it never happens to you, but you never know. 250 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,201 Oh, isn't it romantic? 251 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,162 Ta-da-da-da-da 252 00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:55,746 Ta-da-dee-da-da... 253 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:58,666 Oh, hey, Coach, I think I know somebody who's in love. 254 00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,669 Oh, good, buy him a beer, Cliff. So am I. 255 00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:04,755 - No, Coach, Coach, I meant you. - Oh, no, I don't need a beer. 256 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:07,425 I'm just too happy as it is, Cliff. 257 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,011 Oh, Sam, sorry things with you and Sue didn't work out. 258 00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:14,557 No, don't worry about it. Who needs that walking frigidaire anyway? 259 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,560 Oh, isn't it romantic? 260 00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,687 Ta-da-da-da-da-da 261 00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:21,022 Ta-da! 262 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:27,653 Just goes to show love can strike anywhere, anytime. 263 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,698 It doesn't ask your name. 264 00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,575 It doesn't ask your age. It asks only-- 265 00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:35,077 How big are your bazongas? 266 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:40,374 I should have known 267 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,543 the beauty of this moment was lost on you. 268 00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:45,588 Haven't you realized yet there is a great difference 269 00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:47,798 between the Coach's affaire de coeur 270 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:50,134 and your animal cravings? 271 00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:53,221 Tap your cloven hoof twice for yes. 272 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,642 Coach, isn't it your night off tonight? 273 00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,727 Yeah, it's my night off. 274 00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,939 Irene's coming in, and I'm taking her up to Melville's for dinner. 275 00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,525 Oh, ooh, better dig deep, Coach. 276 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,318 It's pretty expensive up north there. 277 00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:10,780 Oh, I've been saving for a couple of weeks, Cliff. This is a very special evening. 278 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,866 I think it's wonderful you two found each other. 279 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,328 - You radiate such bliss. - You want to know why, dear? 280 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:20,206 It's because we've got so much in common. 281 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,042 We both love music, we both love Italian food. 282 00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:25,753 She's a widow, I'm a widower. 283 00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:28,256 She's a hairdresser, I got hair. 284 00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:32,426 And get this, Diane, neither of us have ever been to Utah. 285 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,262 Oh, scary. 286 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,558 Hey Norm, you know what the back of my neck looks like normally. Check now. 287 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:44,272 Ooh, every hair at attention. Except for that one. Snap to, mister! Hee-ya! 288 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,441 I realize I've only known her for three weeks, 289 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:51,153 but this is the night. I'm going to ask her to marry me. 290 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,739 - Oh, Coach. - You're kidding me. 291 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,784 - Fantastic. - That's great. 292 00:17:57,326 --> 00:18:00,705 Come here, you little devil. Listen, you've been single for a long time. 293 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,374 - Are you sure about this? - Sure I'm sure, Sam. 294 00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:07,295 You know something, Sam? I think even my Angela would have liked this lady. 295 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:10,298 - Don't you? - Yeah, I think she would have. 296 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:14,302 I figured why put it off, you know? We're both not kids anymore. 297 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:19,557 The thing is, I don't quite know how to ask her, but anybody got any suggestions? 298 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:21,684 The only proposal I ever heard was Nick's. 299 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,770 Well, it worked, honey. I mean, what did he say? 300 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:29,483 "Hey, Carla, I knocked you up and you know where I live, so I guess I have to." 301 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,280 Not bad. 302 00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:38,868 - Now, moving on to the higher primates... - Hey, hey, hey! 303 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:42,455 Normie, Normie, how did you propose to Vera? 304 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,749 Well, I... 305 00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:47,418 You know something? I don't think I did. 306 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,671 You think there could be a loophole in this terrible tragedy? 307 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,090 Not if you consummated it. 308 00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,885 Egad, why couldn't we have had this conversation yesterday? 309 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,891 Well, now, I've written down a few ideas, 310 00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:07,271 and I guess they're going to have to do the trick. But, Normie, should I ask her before we order? 311 00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:09,357 Because I don't want to ask her 312 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:12,401 with something sticking in my teeth, especially if it's green. 313 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:16,989 Yeah. Why don't you just play it safe and drape a napkin over your head? 314 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,991 Not bad. 315 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,078 Hi, Ernie. 316 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,371 Oh, hi, sweetheart. 317 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,165 Are you ready for the best dinner of your life? 318 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:29,710 Ernie, every dinner I have with you is better than the one before it. 319 00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:30,836 Aw... 320 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:35,049 - Oh, no, no, no, no. - What's the matter? 321 00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:40,179 This is Wednesday. Every Wednesday up at Melville's, the vegetable is spinach. 322 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:43,432 Spinach is green, and you know what that means, right? 323 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,477 So please sit down. I've got a couple of questions. 324 00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:49,689 What I want to say is-- 325 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,399 Oh, wait a minute. 326 00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,442 There we go. I got it. 327 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:56,654 Irene... 328 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,781 I'm not a rich man. 329 00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:00,449 I'm not a young man. 330 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:04,328 I'm not a handsome man. I'm not a tall man. 331 00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:08,999 I'm not a strong man. I'm not a talented man. 332 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,877 I'm not a well-traveled man. I'm not a smart man. 333 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,462 I'm not a milkman. 334 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,508 I'm not a fat man. I'm not a gingerbread man. 335 00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,885 - I'm not a-- - What're you trying to say, Ernie? 336 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:23,556 Oh, I don't need a piece of paper to tell you what my feelings are. 337 00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:25,850 Irene... 338 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,560 Well, maybe I do. 339 00:20:29,103 --> 00:20:31,313 Uh... 340 00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,524 Irene, I'm not a rich man. 341 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,401 - I'm not a young man. - Coach... 342 00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:40,114 Oh. Yeah. 343 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,868 Look, Irene, what I'm trying to say 344 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:47,204 is that I love you and I want you to marry me, 345 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:51,917 - but I can't find the words to say it. - Ernie, you said all the words you need to. 346 00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:53,711 I'd love to be your wife. 347 00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:55,254 She said yes! 348 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:06,348 Well, I guess this seems to be the time for the bartender to pour some champagne here. 349 00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:08,476 Oh, I'm sorry, Sam. What am I thinking? 350 00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:10,519 No, no, Coach, Coach. 351 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:12,438 I've got it. 352 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:18,360 There have been many celebrations in this bar, 353 00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:21,655 but none as joyous and as inspiring 354 00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:24,325 as what we are experiencing here. 355 00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:26,494 Wasn't it Swinbourne who first said-- 356 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:28,871 - I'll get it. - I'll get it. 357 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:32,833 I'm the bartender. 358 00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:38,380 Cheers. 359 00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:42,259 Oh, well, hello, Sue. Irene, it's your daughter. 360 00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:47,348 Well, this is a surprise, ha, ha, ha, ha. 361 00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:52,937 Yeah, I've been expecting this phone call for a long time. Okay, commence begging. 362 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,607 Sam. Sam Malone. 363 00:21:58,192 --> 00:22:01,654 Yeah, she's here. She wants to talk to you. 364 00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:09,161 Sam, you seem to be working awfully hard to get a date with a woman who 365 00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:12,706 obviously wouldn't cross the street to spit in your hair. 366 00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:16,752 Don't worry, don't worry. 367 00:22:16,919 --> 00:22:18,879 She will when she gets to know me. 368 00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:26,470 What's wrong, sweetheart? 369 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,013 - I just... - What? 370 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:29,640 I can't believe it. 371 00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:35,062 Ernie, I won the lottery. Two million dollars. 372 00:22:36,438 --> 00:22:38,774 Oh, my God. Two million bucks. 373 00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:41,527 - I think I'm a little woozy. - Oh, take it easy. 374 00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:42,820 Sam, get some brandy. 375 00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,864 Yeah, make it the good stuff. She can afford it. 376 00:22:46,657 --> 00:22:49,076 Look, look, Irene, whatever you do, 377 00:22:49,243 --> 00:22:52,955 don't tell me that was the only lottery ticket you ever bought, even if it was. 378 00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:55,708 - It's a deal. - I knew it. Sam! 379 00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:59,545 I think we all ought to have a little drink to celebrate, huh? 380 00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,423 - I'm buying. - I thought of that too. 381 00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:07,136 I can't believe it. I'm stinking rich. 382 00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:10,598 Listen, I'd better go up and tell Vic we're going to be a little late, huh? 383 00:23:10,764 --> 00:23:12,933 Oh, boy, what a night. 384 00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:16,020 Oh, my goodness. Gee, how about that, Irene? 385 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:17,980 What a night for you, huh? 386 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,192 Magic. Two such wonderful developments in a matter of minutes. 387 00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:26,572 Yes, I won the lottery. And... 388 00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:29,617 What was the other thing?