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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:10,344
Yeah?
3
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Hi. I'm looking for Sam Malone,
4
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the ex-Red Sox player.
5
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That's him over there
behind the bar.
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Boy, has he gotten old.
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Oh, no, no, son,
I-- I'm Sam Malone.
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I know.
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Does your mother know
you hang around in bars?
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Mr. Malone, my brother, Doug,
he's the biggest Red Sox fan ever,
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but he's in the hospital
having his tonsils out.
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It would mean a lot to him
if he could have an autograph.
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Sure thing.
No problem.
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Yeah, here you go,
Sam.
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Not yours.
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I figured you'd know
where to find Carl Yastrzemski.
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Well, no, I don't,
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but I'll certainly start you
on your way.
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Sam, hold it,
hold it.
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Just kidding, just kidding.
Here's your ball.
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I'm sorry,
I don't know where he is.
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We don't keep in touch.
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Gee, Doug's going
to be disappointed.
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I don't know
what to do.
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Hey, could you sign it?
It's almost as good.
26
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You sure your brother's
not going to mind?
27
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Yeah.
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He doesn't know
what Yastrzemski's handwriting looks like.
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Good point, good point.
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Okay, cut the crap.
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Today's my birthday.
You all know that.
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So, if you're planning
a surprise party for me,
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and you damn well
better be,
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let's get the show
on the road here, huh?
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Boy, if that's not
a cue for merriment,
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I don't know what is.
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Just a small token
of my appreciation.
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A very small token.
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Ah, you know
what they say,
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good things come
in small packages.
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No, little things
come in small packages.
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Oh, perfume.
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No... toilet water.
44
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Gag gift, gag gift,
I went for it.
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Okay.
46
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,612
All right, Carla...
47
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Oh, oh,
hold that thought.
48
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Maybe this will
make it up to you.
49
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,326
Now, this
is more like it.
50
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:22,452
All right.
51
00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:35,966
A jelly bean.
52
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Thank you, Norm.
53
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Another gag gift.
54
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Oh, you guys are too much.
55
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Oh, and garlic flavored!
56
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Oh, nice touch there, Norm.
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All right, you guys, all right,
all right, all right.
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Come on, stop.
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00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,442
I tried to stop them, Carla,
but you know how these clowns
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00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:54,651
have to get
their gags in.
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Anyway, we saved
the, uh, best for last.
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This is from me
and from Coach.
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Silverware...
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00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,958
Uh...
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Lone Ranger?
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00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,920
Yeah, you wear it
to ride on Silver.
67
00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:21,386
Don't you get it,
Carla?
68
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,346
You wear it
to ride on Silver!
69
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,682
- Silverware...
- Silverware!
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00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,518
Hilarious.
Thanks a bunch, guys.
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00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,396
Hey, don't thank us,
it's the thought, huh?
72
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Can we throw a party or what?
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Ah, there he is.
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00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,991
Frasier, can't we put this off
till tomorrow?
75
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,284
It's such a lovely evening.
76
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,161
Let's not despoil it.
77
00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,872
Diane, you only inflame
violent emotional confrontations
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00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,290
by putting them off.
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00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,378
Your intelligence
inflames me.
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Oh, really? Well, then...
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E equals MC squared.
82
00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:04,971
Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.
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00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,723
Oh, baby.
84
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,811
Sam, how about
a couple of brandies?
85
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,354
Where were you guys?
86
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:14,189
You missed
Carla's birthday party.
87
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:18,443
Oh, we discovered this wonderful little
French-Japanese restaurant.
88
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- Very chic, dark, romantic...
- Oh, yeah?
89
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You got to be careful
about those unlighted joints.
90
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You never know what kind
of grubby-looking food
91
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:25,909
they're going to slip you.
92
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,911
Oh, not Chez Fujimoto.
93
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:35,418
Sam... Frasier and I have
something important to tell you.
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00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,170
Sam, this may be rough going.
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I mean, despite your vehement protests
to the contrary,
96
00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:44,052
and with no intention
of disparaging your sincerity,
97
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:47,180
but Diane and I believe that you
may still be suffering
98
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,182
some emotional residue
from the turbulent relationship
99
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,475
you had with Diane.
100
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,310
I'm sorry, Frasier,
101
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,396
I must have dozed off
for a paragraph or two.
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00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,232
What
was he saying?
103
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,734
Sam, Frasier and I came
to an important decision
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tonight after dinner.
105
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:02,863
Sam, brace yourself.
106
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,116
Diane and I are going
to Cohabitate.
107
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:07,284
Is that--
108
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Right here in the bar?
109
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,745
Well, I guess it's cheaper
than a piano player.
110
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:17,752
This is predictable,
making jokes to mask the pain.
111
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:20,338
No, I don't understand
what you two are talking about.
112
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Sam, I'm going to move in to
Frasier's fashionable townhouse.
113
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,969
And where's Frasier
going to move to?
114
00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:30,015
Sam, I believe you're being deliberately
opaque in a situation where we're...
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Frasier,
he's making a joke.
116
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Oh, shoot.
117
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So, you two are going
to shack up together, huh?
118
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Yes, I decided it was time.
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I suddenly realized
that the only thing
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00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,448
that spoiled
an evening with Diane
121
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was having to say
good night to her.
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Really?
That was one of my highlights.
123
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,164
Sam, we know how much
this has hurt you,
124
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:56,917
but your defensiveness about it
is becoming annoying.
125
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,753
No, listen, I don't know what you expected
me to do when you told me,
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00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,047
but the truth is,
this does not bother me.
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00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,757
I am very happy
for you two kids.
128
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,675
Well, thank you, Sam.
129
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,385
We couldn't be happier.
130
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,387
The only thing that could
stand in the way
131
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:11,806
of a total commitment now
would be Pavlov's response.
132
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,310
You see, that's
my little joke, Sam.
133
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,605
Pavlov is my dog,
you see,
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and, uh, well,
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I couldn't
resist the witticism.
136
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Let me explain, Sam.
You see, Pavlov--
137
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No, that's okay, that's okay.
I know all about Pavlov.
138
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Pavlov's response-- drooling
at the sound of a dinner bell.
139
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:31,201
I've done that before,
but I never knew what to call it.
140
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,288
I had a puppy once.
141
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,124
My ex-wife took her.
142
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Little bitch.
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About this high.
144
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,422
Oh, Frasier,
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we left Carla's present
in the car.
146
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,384
Oh, I'll get it.
147
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,177
Hope I can remember
where I parked the thing.
148
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,721
I'm so inebriated with joy
over this situation.
149
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,599
Or else the sake
made me crocky.
150
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,477
Hey...
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00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,813
Hey, nobody told me
he was funny.
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Now you know why.
153
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,528
It's pretty exciting news.
154
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,906
Well, yes,
we felt it was time.
155
00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:12,409
Well, I wish you all
the luck in the world.
156
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,496
Because we'll need it?
157
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:17,706
No. Gosh, no.
158
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,708
I think you two
are a pair made in heaven.
159
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,376
I don't care
what the skeptics say.
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00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:22,585
I say the two of you
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00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:26,214
will last... let's see,
what time is it now?
162
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:31,678
Sam, you're hurting now,
aren't you? Admit it.
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00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:34,764
It's not in the least surprising
that you're bitter,
164
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,975
because I never took this step
with you,
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00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:41,187
but what Frasier and I
have together is more substantial.
166
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:47,068
What you and I had was exciting,
tempestuous at times,
167
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,696
but there was no future in it.
168
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Yeah, you got to be careful
about that excitement stuff.
169
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:54,909
I mean, too much of that,
170
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:57,829
and soon you're starting
to expect life to be...
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00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,080
enjoyable.
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00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,332
Then one day,
you wake up,
173
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,878
and all those years of pleasure
have gone by,
174
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,671
and what have you got
to show for it?
175
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:07,714
Happiness.
176
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,676
How true.
177
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,930
Here it is.
Where's our birthday girl?
178
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,349
She's in the back.
She'll be out in a minute.
179
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:19,809
Oh, Sam,
would you call her?
180
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:20,810
Carla!
181
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,187
I have a great deal to do.
182
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,814
We want to start
moving my clothes in tonight.
183
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,442
Frasier, do you have
enough closet space?
184
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,778
Loads, Diane.
Don't worry about that.
185
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:33,198
Carla, Frasier and Diane here
have a gift for you.
186
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,866
Be still, my heart.
187
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,242
Many happy returns,
Carla.
188
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,202
Yeah, yeah.
189
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:38,620
Beautiful wrapping.
190
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:41,331
Oh, yes, Coach,
exquisite wrapping.
191
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,749
Now let's get to the joke.
192
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,674
Oh... Oh, Diane,
these are beautiful.
193
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,593
Frasier
picked them out.
194
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,553
Thank you, Frasier.
195
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,971
Don't mention it.
196
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,057
Sam, how about a little vino
to break them in?
197
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,226
Yeah, yeah.
I want to make a toast.
198
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:03,686
I want to toast
to the two people
199
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:07,023
who had enough class
to get me a real gift.
200
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,025
To Diane and Frasier.
201
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,873
No matter how many times
I give fine dribble crystal,
202
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,166
I never tire of it.
203
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,512
So, uh,
how's it going, Carla?
204
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,639
Fine, thank you.
205
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,349
But, say, don't think
I don't appreciate
206
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:44,769
busy guys like you
caring enough to ask.
207
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,942
I think she's still sore
about the gag gifts.
208
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,443
She's, uh,
more than sore.
209
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:55,029
She's hurt, offended,
and, uh, resentful.
210
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:56,030
Yep.
211
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:57,615
If she were wearing
dirty bunny slippers,
212
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:58,825
she could be Vera.
213
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,872
You know, it's our fault,
really, you know.
214
00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,623
If we had chipped in
together,
215
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,041
we could have gotten her
something nice.
216
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,334
Well, it's not too late.
217
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,503
I mean, we can still
give her a surprise.
218
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,130
Just buy her
a real gift.
219
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,258
Well, uh, I'm
a knowledgeable shopper.
220
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:17,594
I'll be happy
to take charge of, uh...
221
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,553
"Operation Make-Good."
222
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,096
Hey, just a second here now.
223
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,681
We sure we want Cliff
to handle this?
224
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,225
He's likely to go off
and buy something kind of tasteless.
225
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,561
Yeah, but none of us'll
know the difference.
226
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,607
All right, Cliff ie.
Yeah, be our man.
227
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:36,821
Afternoon, everyone.
228
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,990
Golly, isn't it a beautiful day?
229
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:41,159
How are the new
living arrangements going, huh?
230
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,453
Oh, like a charm.
231
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:50,001
I don't know why we didn't do it
right from the start.
232
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,169
Is that right?
233
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:53,421
Yeah, I couldn't
be happier,
234
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:54,464
absolutely.
235
00:11:58,927 --> 00:11:59,719
Say, Diane, uh...
236
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:02,597
Yeah, yeah, I know,
I know, I'm sorry.
237
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,474
You'll have to excuse that.
I have some...
238
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,268
Some kind of an itch,
239
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,020
sort of in the back
of my throat,
240
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,563
but not exactly.
241
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,398
Have you ever had
one of... those?
242
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:18,321
Boy, it's almost as if
it's inside my ear...
243
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:19,656
But not there, either,
you know?
244
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:22,033
- Gee, that must be maddening.
- Yeah.
245
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,534
Let me get you
the ice pick.
246
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,082
Well, it was worse before.
I was sneezing all morning.
247
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,041
At least that's stopped.
248
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,918
Hmm. Gee,
I wonder what causes it, huh?
249
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,588
That adorable puppy
of Frasier's.
250
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,131
Little Pavlov?
251
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:40,468
Well, she's very sweet,
of course, but I'm a cat person.
252
00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:43,388
I obviously have some kind
of an allergy to dogs.
253
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:45,682
Are you sure
it's the dog?
254
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,517
Well, what else could it be?
255
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,269
Well, you've been around
that dog before.
256
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,228
I mean, you must have.
257
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:51,854
You know...
258
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:55,650
moving in with Frasier
is kind of a big commitment.
259
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:56,859
I just wonder
260
00:12:57,026 --> 00:13:01,114
if this whole so-called allergy thing
might not be psychosomatic.
261
00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:05,785
Oh, Sam, I'm very impressed.
262
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:09,580
That's a complex
psychological concept
263
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:12,542
coming from a man
who has to write L and R
264
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,252
on the bottom of his shoes.
265
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:19,215
So does that mean
you agree with me or not?
266
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,925
Don't be ridiculous.
267
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,761
Gee, you know,
I just had this thought.
268
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,221
Could it possibly be
269
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:28,766
that you still love
somebody from your past?
270
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,102
You?
271
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:32,895
Well, not necessarily.
272
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,523
It could have been Sumner
or anybody, for that matter,
273
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:39,819
but isn't it interesting
that I automatically spring to mind?
274
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:40,778
No.
275
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:44,032
You automatically spring to mind
whenever I hear something stupid.
276
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,328
Hello, my dearest darling.
277
00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:49,704
Frasier.
278
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:52,832
Uh... Gesundheit.
279
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:54,584
Diane, I've reconsidered.
280
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,044
I was quite unyielding
this morning,
281
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:58,296
and I now realize
that your happiness comes first,
282
00:13:58,463 --> 00:13:59,756
so I must give up Pavlov.
283
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:01,674
Are you sure?
284
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,344
Yes, I'm sure.
285
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,472
Of course, I can't just
put the little tyke out on the streets.
286
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:09,932
I mean, I've got to find her
the best possible home.
287
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,018
That could be a lengthy,
time-consuming process.
288
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:12,894
I'll take her.
289
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,813
Frasier, I realize
that this may--
290
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,649
I mean, if the dog is
the only thing standing between you,
291
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,276
then if I take her away,
292
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,111
everything'll be fine
for Diane, right?
293
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,739
I mean,
and I love dogs, Frasier.
294
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,783
I'll give her a great home.
I will.
295
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,577
- Well, there we are, then.
- Yeah.
296
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,621
Done, Sam. Done,
and by golly, done.
297
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,122
- She's yours.
- Good.
298
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:36,209
Well, then, that should clear
just about everything up, huh?
299
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,418
Well, I should say so.
300
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:39,045
And we're mighty
grateful, too, Sam.
301
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:39,921
Aren't we, Diane?
302
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,589
Oh, my, yes.
303
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:43,633
In fact, do you want
to hear something funny?
304
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,511
Just knowing
that the dog is going,
305
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,554
I'm already feeling better.
306
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,139
No more allergies.
307
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:55,686
Gesundheit.
308
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:08,783
Hello, Sam.
309
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,410
Hey, Frasier.
310
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,828
Well, what can I get you?
311
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:15,206
Well, I've got a pretty heavy
patient load this afternoon.
312
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:17,834
Why don't you make it
a triple Stinger and a beer chaser?
313
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:21,212
No, no, let me have a club soda.
314
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:25,174
So, Sam, listen, fill me in.
315
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,301
I'm hungry for news
of little Pavlov.
316
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,178
Pavlov?
317
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,930
Oh, you must mean little Diane.
318
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,184
Beg your pardon?
319
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:36,936
Yeah, I renamed the puppy Diane.
320
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,354
I figured you wouldn't mind.
321
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,148
I mean, it's my puppy now.
322
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,358
Yeah, boy, I tell you,
it's so wonderful.
323
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:43,443
I come home.
324
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:44,527
She gives me a little trouble,
325
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,946
I swat her on the rear end
and say, "Shut up, Diane."
326
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:48,823
And she does.
327
00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:50,616
It's heaven.
328
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,621
Sam, I have to be honest
with you.
329
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,540
Changing the dog's name
hurts me a little.
330
00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:00,376
Don't you think two Dianes
will be a little confusing?
331
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:02,378
Oh, maybe you're right.
I hadn't thought of that.
332
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,839
Well, we'll just have
to call your girlfriend Pavlov.
333
00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,719
By the way, how is Pavlov's allergies
now that I got Diane?
334
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:13,556
Well, you know, these things
don't clear up overnight.
335
00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:18,394
The latest symptom
is a recurring voice change.
336
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:19,937
A what?
337
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:22,899
Well, you'll have to hear it.
338
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,734
I don't think words
can do it justice.
339
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:29,989
Psst. Sam.
340
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,241
- Yeah?
- Where's Carla?
341
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:33,618
Come here.
342
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,829
I did it, I did it.
343
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:37,997
I went out...
344
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,542
I got her
a great birthday present.
345
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,712
You mean it's Carla's birthday
already again?
346
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,924
They tell me
that the older you get,
347
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:48,883
the time goes...
348
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:52,303
No, no, Coach, Coach,
this is just a real gift to make up
349
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,679
for those gag gifts
we got.
350
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,806
A real gift, which had better be good.
351
00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,435
Hi, sweetheart.
352
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,561
Sam.
353
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,021
Hey, uh, Carla?
354
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:05,233
Many happy returns.
355
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:06,609
No, thanks.
356
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,694
No more hilarious
gifts, okay?
357
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,072
My sides are still sore
from last week.
358
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:14,242
Carla, it's a very nice gift.
359
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:15,826
Oh, yeah?
360
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,914
What does it do, uh, explode?
Stink?
361
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,999
Or make disgusting sounds?
362
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,544
No, no, no, this is the real gift,
Carla,
363
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,338
which better be good.
364
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,350
Oh, oh, this is beautiful.
365
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:42,019
Oh, I love this.
It's perfect!
366
00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,479
All right.
367
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:46,857
Oh, this makes up
for everything, I think.
368
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:54,407
Well, you know, it's not easy
for me to say thanks, but...
369
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,285
Thanks, guys.
370
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,204
Okay...
371
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:02,248
- Hey, way to go, Cliff.
- Way to go.
372
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,291
Thanks, guys.
373
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,793
Hey, uh, you haven't heard
the best part, though.
374
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,045
The longer you wear it,
375
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:11,716
the body heat makes the words
"I am horny as a hoot owl"
376
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,384
appear right on the back.
377
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,012
Get him
out of here.
378
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:28,024
See you tomorrow, gang.
379
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:29,942
Good night, Cliff.
380
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,320
Excuse me, Sam?
381
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,655
Something's been troubling me.
382
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,074
I... I think I gave you
the wrong impression a while ago
383
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,618
that Diane and I are unhappy.
384
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:39,827
No, no.
385
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:42,747
Well, you know, we're just going
through a period of adjustment. You know.
386
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:46,375
In fact, today, I think,
she's shown some improvement.
387
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:50,963
Hello, everyone.
388
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,341
Hello, sweetheart.
389
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:54,592
Hello, Diane.
390
00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:00,890
Aren't you going
to say gesundheit?
391
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:03,643
Diane, I'm afraid
we've moved past "gesundheit',
392
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,228
and we're now on our way
to "stuff a sock in it."
393
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,357
Frasier!
394
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,400
I'm sorry.
You know I was joking.
395
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:15,237
How come you still
have allergies if I've got Diane?
396
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,448
Diane?
397
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,450
That's what he calls Pavlov.
398
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,786
Don't ask.
399
00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:24,997
Well, Diane, are you
feeling any better?
400
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:30,711
There are obviously still traces
of Pavlov in the apartment
401
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,546
which I cannot remove.
402
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:33,839
And she's really tried.
403
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:36,342
So far I've had it fumigated,
404
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,011
I've had all the furniture
reupholstered,
405
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,806
had the wallpaper steamed off.
406
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:43,974
Yeah. Looks darned good,
incidentally.
407
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:47,978
We discovered natural brick
on most of one wall,
408
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:50,231
and I think the place
really needed redecorating.
409
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:53,943
Sweetheart, how would you feel
about linoleum in the living room?
410
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,444
What?
411
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,488
Well, a lot of people
have done it,
412
00:19:57,655 --> 00:19:59,407
and I'm almost sure
I've seen pictures...
413
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,826
That's it, that's it, that's it!
414
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:03,411
I can't take it anymore.
415
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,705
Denial, evasion, repression--
416
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,708
I've devoted myself professionally
to fighting all of these,
417
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,960
and now I'm wading in them
upstream.
418
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,754
Okay, okay,
keep the carpet.
419
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,756
Diane, we're both
intelligent enough
420
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,342
to know how often
allergic reactions are psychosomatic.
421
00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:19,927
Gee, there's a thought.
422
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,474
Maybe on some
subconscious level,
423
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,309
you really don't want
to be living with me.
424
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,395
Frasier, it's the dog.
425
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,647
I keep telling you, it's the dog!
426
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:35,067
The voice.
427
00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:39,780
Diane,
the damn dog is gone.
428
00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:41,991
She's halfway across
the city.
429
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:45,077
I don't want to go on
putting you through all this.
430
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,412
Frasier...
431
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,374
We've made
a commitment here.
432
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:54,712
Obviously, you're not ready yet
for this kind of commitment.
433
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:57,006
Perhaps someday you will be.
Perhaps not.
434
00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:58,174
We'll just have
to wait and see.
435
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,551
No, I'm going
to make this work.
436
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:08,267
Diane, please,
don't hold on to this for me.
437
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:09,143
I love you,
438
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:12,021
but I think your health
is more important.
439
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,024
Maybe you're right.
440
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,109
I'm sure I'm right.
441
00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:21,322
Now, listen, go and gargle
and spray your throat,
442
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,782
use your inhaler,
443
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:24,867
take your antihistamine,
444
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:26,494
and, uh, put
your nose drops in.
445
00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:30,581
Use whatever else you can find
in that pharmacy you call a purse.
446
00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:40,216
Well, Sam, aren't you
going to gloat?
447
00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:42,635
I like to think
I'm above that, Diane.
448
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:52,102
Now, am I nuts,
or is that kind of sexy?
449
00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:57,233
Oh, Frasier, I'm s--
450
00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:58,859
That's a tough break.
451
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:00,653
Damn it, Sam.
452
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,739
I really thought we were going
to make it work in a big way.
453
00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:04,824
Well, I bet you do,
454
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,450
and I bet you
do it pretty soon too.
455
00:22:06,617 --> 00:22:07,701
Will you excuse me?
456
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,663
Well, Sam, the problem is,
you see, now I'm entirely alone.
457
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,082
Yeah, yeah, that's tough.
458
00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:14,917
I want my doggie back!
459
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,922
Frasier, I-I've grown accustomed
to the old girl.
460
00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:23,384
Well, my emotional need for her
right now is stronger than yours.
461
00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:24,593
Yeah, but she's mine.
462
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:25,719
Yeah, but I love her.
463
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,513
Well, you can find
another one.
464
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,557
Sam, I don't even want to talk
about this anymore.
465
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:32,268
There's nothing you can say
that would make me change my mind.
466
00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:34,270
She's mine
and she always will be.
467
00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:36,313
You were never anything
but a port in the storm.
468
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:37,898
I want her
and I'm going to have her.
469
00:22:38,065 --> 00:22:41,068
And nobody's going to stand in my way
or else they'll suffer my wrath.
470
00:22:41,235 --> 00:22:42,486
Do I make myself clear,
Mr. Malone?
471
00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:45,114
Frasier!
472
00:22:45,281 --> 00:22:47,283
This is so exciting.
473
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:51,662
You are the only man who has ever
proclaimed his feelings for me
474
00:22:51,829 --> 00:22:53,998
with such eloquence.
475
00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:55,916
Uh, I got a flash
for you here, Diane.
476
00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:58,335
- What we were talking about--
- Sam, she knows perfectly well
477
00:22:58,502 --> 00:22:59,920
what and who
we were talking about.
478
00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:04,925
She's a clever girl
and a... a beautiful one.
479
00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:07,928
Frasier, do you know
480
00:23:08,095 --> 00:23:11,307
that there's a Kurosawa film festival
playing at Cambridge?
481
00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:13,183
Well, Diane, I'm not really
in the mood to go--
482
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,478
Kurosawa, you say?
483
00:23:18,022 --> 00:23:20,983
Kurosawa, and I'm really
in the mood.
484
00:23:21,692 --> 00:23:23,319
Oh, I could see his films
again and again
485
00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:24,737
and again and again...
486
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:29,241
Sam, uh, could I have
the afternoon off, please?
487
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,577
Yes, Sam, you wouldn't want
to stand between me and Diane
488
00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:33,495
and, uh, The Seven Samurai,
would you?
489
00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:34,705
No, no, no, no.
490
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,707
I hope all nine of you
have a wonderful time.
491
00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:51,931
Sammy, Frasier walks
out of here with Diane
492
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:54,934
and you get to go home
to a dog.
493
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:59,063
Yeah, somebody up there
likes me.