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00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:03,879
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:08,342
And a Bloody Mary for you,
Vodka Collins,
3
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,428
and an Old Fashioned,
light on the bitters.
4
00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:13,680
Ooh, Diane, look.
5
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I think you got it perfect
this time.
6
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Every drink wrong.
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My God, what is this?
8
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:26,193
Boy, does
your waitressing stink.
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My waitressing
does not stink.
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It does, too.
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- It doesn't.
- Does.
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If I really
put my mind to it,
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I could waitress circles
around you.
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You stink.
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I smell a wager, Carla.
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No, you smell your waitressing.
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I challenge you
to a waitressing contest.
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Whoever gets the most tips
between now and closing time wins.
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You're on, sucker.
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I'll even give you
a 10-buck head start.
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That's an insult!
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And thank you.
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We'll need a judge
to make sure this contest
24
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,818
is conducted
on the up and up.
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It's Sam's bar.
We'll let him be the judge.
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Oh, ladies, I'm honored,
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but don't you think
it'd be better
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to find someone to judge this
who gives a rat's behind?
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Well, I do. Make me the judge.
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Oh, we couldn't have
a more impartial judge.
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Oh, thank you,
Diane.
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Now, if either one of you
suspects any wrongdoing,
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you'll come to me
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and I'll make an immediate
and final decision.
35
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Do we have
any appeal?
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Well, I think
you're both cute as a button,
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but that's not
going to affect my decision.
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Oh, oh... Get ready
for the good times.
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The big guy
doth approach.
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00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,482
Afternoon, everybody.
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00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,443
- Norm?
- Normie?
42
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:14,569
Norman?
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00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,448
Why don't you sit down, Norm?
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What's the problem?
45
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,424
You know that job I landed
over in Braintree?
46
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,011
I had to take a company physical
this afternoon,
47
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:44,307
and apparently there was something
on the chest X-ray.
48
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,435
Something bad, Normie?
49
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,311
No, a happy face.
50
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:52,607
Sorry, Coach.
51
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,484
Yes, yes,
something bad.
52
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,319
A spot of some sort.
53
00:03:56,486 --> 00:04:00,073
They sent it over to a specialist
to take a look.
54
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,827
Well... Now,
come on, Norm, these--
55
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,954
These things
happen sometimes,
56
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:07,748
and they turn out
to be nothing.
57
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,249
They just
come to nothing.
58
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:10,292
Yeah.
59
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,085
We all come to nothing, Sam.
60
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,796
I'm just going to get there
a little sooner.
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00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,467
Norman, you're jumping
to conclusions.
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00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,385
Now, stop being so morbid.
63
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,513
Yeah, ever since
I heard this news,
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00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,015
all I can think of
65
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,893
is how I may be coming
to the end of my life
66
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,145
with nothing to show for it.
67
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:33,356
Well, you've got all of us,
your friends.
68
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,358
And we're going to be with you
all the way through this.
69
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:36,318
You bet.
70
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,488
You mean we're going to have to
have the surgery and everything, Diane?
71
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,116
I'm not saying
I won't do it...
72
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,411
I'll explain it
later, Coach.
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00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:49,039
Everybody says,
"I'll explain it later".
74
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:53,627
Cheers.
75
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,086
Oh, hi.
76
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:56,922
Yeah.
77
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,174
Uh, Norm, it's Vera.
78
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,176
She says she needs
to talk to you right away.
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00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:03,678
She's heard
from the doctor.
80
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:22,864
Hi, honey.
81
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,575
Yeah, that's what I figured.
82
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,369
So, what'd he say?
83
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,628
No, no,
that's the greatest news.
84
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:37,712
I can't believe it.
85
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,923
Yes, yes, you're right,
we do have something to celebrate.
86
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,258
So, what are you
going to do?
87
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,220
Yeah, yeah, sounds good.
That sounds good.
88
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:46,847
No, no, I don't know
what I'll do,
89
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,723
but I can't think
about it right now.
90
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,141
I have a lot of other
things on my mind.
91
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,477
Yeah, I'll talk to you
later, honey. Bye.
92
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:54,271
A flaw on the X-ray.
93
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,357
Oh, let me buy you
a drink, Normie.
94
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,818
No, no, no, no,
not right now, Cliff.
95
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:04,239
Right now I think I'm going to take
a little walk with a gentleman
96
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,533
I haven't been paying a whole lot
of attention to lately...
97
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,535
Norm Peterson.
98
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,745
I think I understand.
99
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,290
Well, I don't, but I'm sure
you'll tell me later.
100
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,755
Well, Carla, counting
the 10-buck head start
101
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:23,717
that you gave Diane,
you're still ahead nine dollars.
102
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:27,095
And you've got only...
one minute to go.
103
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,389
Yeah, but you know,
104
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:30,807
Diane gave me
a good contest.
105
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:34,436
I mean, she hustled
what passes for her buns off tonight.
106
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,063
Good. Then you're not going
to rub her nose in it?
107
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,648
To the bone.
108
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:42,777
Thank you very much,
109
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,947
and a happy 50th
wedding anniversary to you both.
110
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,908
Fiftieth anniversary?
111
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,951
Yeah, they ordered a
bottle of Dom Perignon.
112
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,954
I thought they were just
a couple of cheap old coots!
113
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,166
Coach, a $20 tip.
114
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:58,501
That's it!
Diane wins it!
115
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,212
Really?
116
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,134
Oh, this
is so exciting!
117
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,303
Yeah, who's going
to sleep tonight?
118
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,182
Oh... Don't hurt me!
119
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,603
I didn't mean to gloat, Carla.
I'm sorry.
120
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,229
Please don't hurt me.
121
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,776
I just wanted
to shake your hand.
122
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,862
But if you don't want
to shake my hand,
123
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:29,574
uh, I'll just say
congratulations.
124
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:42,128
Sometimes there is no pleasure
in conquest.
125
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:45,173
Yeah, I haven't forgotten
our first night together either.
126
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,058
Did you find Norm?
127
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,811
- Yeah, boy, is he weirding out.
- What do you mean?
128
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,396
By the time I caught up to him,
129
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,897
he was sitting
in the middle of a garden.
130
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,732
Said he wanted
to smell the roses.
131
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,111
Well, I don't think
that's weird.
132
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:07,988
Yeah, it was a vegetable garden.
133
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,033
That's weird.
134
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,827
Yeah.
I mentioned it to him.
135
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,620
He said, "So?
I want to smell the squash.
136
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:16,913
Leave me alone."
137
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,331
Then he got up
138
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,916
and he wandered on
towards the pier.
139
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:22,711
I shudder to think what
he wants to smell down there.
140
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,591
This is that bar
I was telling you about.
141
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,513
These people sit in here
night after night,
142
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,181
wasting their lives away,
143
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,101
but oh, no, don't hate them,
pity them, as I do.
144
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,145
You see,
they're chained here,
145
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,689
unable to soar free
like you and me.
146
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,445
Soar, little guy, soar.
147
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,117
Soar!
148
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,707
You want to sit down,
have a beer or something?
149
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,000
Oh, no, no time for that.
150
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,918
I just stopped in
to say goodbye.
151
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:06,629
See, uh,
I'm sailing for Bora Bora.
152
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,008
- Bora Bora?
- Yeah.
153
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:13,261
Ever since I was a little boy,
the South Pacific has been calling,
154
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:16,222
"Come to me, Norm.
This is where you belong."
155
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:19,392
And I've always ignored that call...
till now.
156
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,062
So, I'm going to go to the beach
and build a hut,
157
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,856
send for Vera,
and live there the rest of our lives.
158
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:27,150
Isn't that nice?
159
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,944
Yeah. I booked passage
on one of those cargo ships
160
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,529
where you, uh,
just work light duties.
161
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,406
We shove off at midnight, so...
162
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,533
Norman, wait a minute.
163
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:36,826
What about a passport?
164
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:37,994
What about shots?
165
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,413
Oh, I already have my passport
and, believe it or not,
166
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,290
you don't need any shots
for Bora Bora.
167
00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:43,958
There's no disease there.
168
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,877
Lunacy is on its way.
169
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,338
- Norm?
- Yeah?
170
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,507
What about that great
new job you got, huh?
171
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:53,176
Right, right. I should really
call that guy, shouldn't I?
172
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,969
Oh, yeah, yeah.
173
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,640
Sammy, you see
what he's doing, right?
174
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:02,185
The old jokemeister just
tugging at our ankles, huh?
175
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,978
Hold onto your socks,
gents. Here he goes.
176
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,272
Hi. Mr. Feldman, sir?
177
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,066
Hi. Norm Peterson here.
178
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:11,111
Oh, awfully sorry to wake you,
sir, uh, but you see,
179
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,614
I just wanted to call in to let you know
I'm not coming to work tomorrow.
180
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,117
I'm, uh, sailing to Bora Bora
and going to live in a hut.
181
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:21,412
Yeah, as a matter of fact,
I am in a bar.
182
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,958
Oh, no, no, no, no,
my head's quite clear, sir.
183
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,084
I'm quitting.
184
00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:29,379
Yes, I realize
I'm burning my bridges here, sir,
185
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,089
but there's no hard feelings
on this end.
186
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:33,758
As a matter of fact, uh,
if you're ever in Bora Bora,
187
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,343
stop on by the old Peterson hut
188
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:37,178
and, uh, we'll share
a cup of grog, sir.
189
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,429
Maybe I'll take you out...
190
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:40,890
uh, right,
I realize it's late, sir.
191
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,016
Very sorry.
192
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,480
I pity that man.
193
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:53,486
Sammy, I want you to give these
194
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,613
to some poor soul
who may need them, huh?
195
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,999
Well, everybody,
this is goodbye.
196
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,459
I don't know what
I can really say to you folks.
197
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,795
You've been
like family to me.
198
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:14,257
I'm going to miss you all,
that's for sure.
199
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,551
Oh, come on, man,
this is nuts.
200
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,178
I mean, people just
don't drop everything
201
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,471
and sail away to Bora Bora.
202
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,140
I do.
203
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:23,892
Goodbye, Normie.
204
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:24,893
Goodbye, Coach.
205
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,187
Coach, Coach...
You're going to feel pretty silly
206
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,314
when he pulls the plug on this gag.
Wait and see.
207
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,690
You understand,
don't you, Coach?
208
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,151
No, Normie, but they'll
tell me later.
209
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,823
Hey, uh, you better get used
to what you're doing there, Norm.
210
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,825
They got all-male crews
on those ships.
211
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,996
Okay, Norm, joke's over.
212
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,748
Knock it off.
It's ended.
213
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,168
Norm...
214
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,007
You kidder.
215
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:58,551
Boy, you had us going there
for a while.
216
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,640
Wingtips are for
accountants, Cliff ie.
217
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:06,059
I'm a beachcomber now.
218
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,450
Normie's gone.
219
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,669
Here you are, miss.
220
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,629
The service
was excellent.
221
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:36,798
Oh, that was nothing.
222
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,550
You should have seen me
in the old days.
223
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:42,053
I was something then.
224
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:43,888
I'm telling you,
225
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:48,810
people would come from miles away
to see me schlep drinks.
226
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:53,231
That was before...
The Troubles.
227
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:58,111
She should
be over this by now.
228
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,112
It's been weeks.
229
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,906
I robbed her
of her zest for life.
230
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:04,367
You do have that effect
on people.
231
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:10,748
Sam, Sam, we got another letter
from Normie.
232
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,793
Oh, good.
Good, good, good.
233
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,128
Norm letter here,
everybody.
234
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,841
Okay, uh, let me see here.
235
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,760
Oh, he says he's found the beach
he was looking for,
236
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,345
and he's built a hut.
237
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,681
All right, listen to this,
listen to this--
238
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:30,476
"I'll send for Vera
when I've built hers. Ha ha.
239
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:36,065
Whoops, I've lost my hammer.
Ha ha."
240
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:37,817
He put the haha's in.
241
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,861
Good thing.
242
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,448
"Every morning,
a native girl
243
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:46,701
leaves a coconut
outside my door.
244
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:49,370
I'm a little shaky on
the local tribal customs,
245
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:51,331
so either
we're married,
246
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,875
or I'm going to be
sacrificed next Tuesday.
247
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,501
Ha ha."
248
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,254
Boy, he sure knows
where to put those ha-ha's.
249
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,509
"Goodbye. Norm."
250
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:07,513
Hmm, you know, it took
a great deal of courage
251
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,474
for Norman to do
what he did.
252
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,684
I admire and envy him.
253
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,519
He has heeded
Thoreau,
254
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,855
who admonished us
that, quote,
255
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:19,067
"Life is frittered away
by detail.
256
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:22,487
Simplify, simplify."
257
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:26,199
Why didn't he just say
one "simplify"?
258
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:32,914
Let me see the old,
uh, postmark there, Sammy.
259
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,919
Yep, yep, she's valid,
all right.
260
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:42,590
Well, looks like our Normie
made it to paradise, huh?
261
00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:43,758
Yeah.
262
00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:45,843
Two scotch rocks,
Coach.
263
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,095
No hurry.
264
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,639
I'll wait till the good waitress
gets her order.
265
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:56,396
Carla, you are
the better waitress.
266
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,314
It's been proven
time and time again.
267
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:01,984
What does it matter
who won that meaningless contest?
268
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,194
It matters.
269
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:07,281
Well, what would it take
to make you feel better?
270
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:12,370
Hearing you admit
that you cheated.
271
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:15,039
Carla,
I didn't cheat.
272
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:17,500
Would it kill you
to say you did?
273
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,254
I did not cheat.
274
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:25,800
Two little words
to restore my will to live.
275
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,220
It doesn't seem
like that much to ask.
276
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:35,351
Okay, Carla, I cheated.
277
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:37,270
You cheated?
278
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,479
Why?
279
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:41,441
That contest
meant that much to you?
280
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:44,235
You are
a very sick woman.
281
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:48,781
Does anybody in this bar
realize how sick this woman is?
282
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,117
She cheated on that silly
little contest.
283
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,702
I did not cheat!
284
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,620
First, she says
she cheated,
285
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,622
and then she says
she didn't cheat.
286
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,166
Now, what are we supposed
to believe?
287
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:03,254
The things people do
for their egos.
288
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:06,382
Yeah, cheating on a silly contest.
289
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:11,929
Well, I suppose I could go
around the room
290
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:14,056
explaining to everyone
exactly what happened,
291
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:17,518
but I know that I did not cheat,
and that's enough.
292
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,061
I'll just let it drop.
293
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,189
I'll be in my office
if you need me, Coach.
294
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,231
Yeah.
295
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,568
I did not cheat.
296
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:28,112
We had this contest
a couple weeks ago...
297
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,452
Evening, Sammy.
298
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:35,870
Hey, Norm.
299
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,128
Norm?
300
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:51,010
Why aren't you in Bora--
Bora Bora?
301
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,055
Why do you think?
302
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,726
I chickened out,
just like everybody said I would.
303
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,563
Never even got on the damn boat.
304
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:05,233
These are getting stale, though.
305
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:06,817
Do you have any beer nuts
in here?
306
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,112
You've been hiding in here?
307
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,697
Just for a week.
308
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:14,325
Why?
309
00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:15,535
You kidding?
310
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:18,329
I made such a flaming jackass
out of myself,
311
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:20,081
I'd be a laughing stock
if I went out there.
312
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,504
So, you plan to stay
in here forever?
313
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:27,797
Yeah. Is that a problem?
314
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:30,299
Because, uh...
315
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,343
the way I figure, Sam,
I can just, uh...
316
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,929
you let me in in the morning
when you come to work,
317
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,764
and then, at night,
when everyone's going home,
318
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:37,974
just let me out.
319
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,767
Just like I always did.
320
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,687
"Just like I always..."
321
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,273
No, no, look,
get a bar stool, right?
322
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:47,483
You set it up, right, nice
and close, just like this.
323
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,694
Every now and then
you slip me a mug of brew.
324
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,320
Come on.
It'll be just like it used to be.
325
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:52,697
Come on.
326
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,407
- Come on.
- What?
327
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,325
I know how you feel, man.
328
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,703
You had this wild, crazy dream,
329
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,746
and, uh, you announced it
to everybody,
330
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,206
and you didn't live up to it,
331
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,333
but come on,
these people out there love you.
332
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:05,835
They're your friends.
They don't care.
333
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,628
Come on.
334
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:12,174
All right, all right.
335
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,386
I guess it probably
meant more to me
336
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:16,971
than it does
to them anyway, huh?
337
00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:18,306
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
338
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,225
Oh, maybe you ought to...
339
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:23,978
Yeah.
340
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:26,230
A toast to the man
who the South Pacific natives
341
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:28,482
are probably calling
the Great Tanned Beast,
342
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,110
an inspiration
to us all,
343
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,987
Norm Peterson!
344
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:39,035
Hey, uh, the sofa opens out
to a bed there, and, uh...
345
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,704
And laundry day is...
346
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,497
- Tuesday.
- Tuesday. Tuesday, right.
347
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:48,085
I have never cheated
on anything in my life.
348
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:52,548
The integrity of Diane Chambers
remains unblemished.
349
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:56,510
Excuse me.
Could we chat for just a second?
350
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,138
Trust me, trust me.
351
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,307
These people are your friends, man.
Just listen.
352
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,767
Another toast.
353
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:05,853
To Paul Gauguin,
Robert Louis Stevenson,
354
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:07,355
and Norm Peterson,
355
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,814
three men cut
from the same cloth.
356
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,275
Although they had to use
a few more yards
357
00:19:11,442 --> 00:19:12,568
for our pal Norm.
358
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:13,819
Yay, Norm.
359
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,656
Yeah, that Norm is quite a guy,
isn't he?
360
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:17,823
You know, I don't--
361
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,493
I don't think he had
to sail the South Pacific
362
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,829
to make us admire
and respect him.
363
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,206
He did for me.
364
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:30,753
It was the only worthwhile thing
he ever did in an otherwise wasted life.
365
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,963
Come on, come on, I'm serious.
366
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,800
I mean, if Norm
hadn't have gone to Bora Bora,
367
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:38,719
I don't think we would have
thought any the less of him.
368
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:39,804
Do you?
369
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:40,846
You kidding?
370
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,723
- Of course, we would, Sam.
- Definitely.
371
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,850
Sam, what are you
talking about?
372
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:49,146
Well, it's hypothetical,
but just suppose that Norm had spent
373
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:52,692
the last three weeks in a motel someplace
and that he sent those letters
374
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,986
before the ship sailed
and gave them to some fellow to mail
375
00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,154
when he got to the islands.
376
00:19:57,321 --> 00:20:00,282
We wouldn't think
any the less of him, now would we?
377
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:03,244
That yellow-belly
is in your office, isn't he?
378
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,704
No, no. Now,
don't be silly.
379
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,039
Oh, well, then if he's not,
he's not going to mind me doing this.
380
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,457
Oh, no, you don't.
381
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,710
Swell bunch of friends
I have here.
382
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,336
That's the last you're going to see
of Norm Peterson.
383
00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:14,046
Normie,
you yellow-belly!
384
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,006
You get out--
Show your face around here!
385
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:17,299
Come out of there.
386
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,843
Come on.
Lay off, will you?
387
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,219
The guy feels terrible.
388
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,470
Yeah...
389
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,764
Yeah, welcome back, buddy!
390
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:28,102
He's afraid that you're going
to laugh at him because he chickened out.
391
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,024
Norman?
392
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:38,362
Everyone has had a dream
that they let slip away.
393
00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:40,781
Yeah, but not one
everyone knew about.
394
00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:43,451
Would you like
to know about mine?
395
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:45,369
Not particularly, no.
396
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,248
When I was a child,
397
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:52,585
I wanted to be a ballerina.
398
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:54,420
I had...
399
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,761
I had years of private lessons,
400
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:06,682
but when the time finally came
to audition for the Juilliard School,
401
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,476
with my first step,
402
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,020
I fell down
and bloodied my nose.
403
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,522
And before I could do
anything else,
404
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:17,443
they politely said, "Thank you very much"
and I never heard from them again.
405
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,111
Thank you very much.
406
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,451
Okay, Diane.
Very good, dear.
407
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:26,786
Thank you, thank you.
408
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:29,705
Norm?
409
00:21:30,748 --> 00:21:33,459
Normie, do you want to hear
a crazy, hopeless dream?
410
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:36,504
I wanted to play baseball,
411
00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:38,964
and, uh, maybe coach a little,
you know?
412
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,926
And then afterwards tend bar
in a nice place.
413
00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:44,178
And look what happened to me.
414
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:48,808
Coach, that's exactly
what happened to you.
415
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,143
Oh, yeah.
416
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,020
No wonder I'm such a happy guy.
417
00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:55,981
Good try, Coach,
good try.
418
00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:59,235
Norm, has any of this
helped you?
419
00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:01,445
Oh, yeah, I'm doing
a jig in here, Sam.
420
00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:03,072
Go away.
421
00:22:05,616 --> 00:22:08,869
All right, Sammy, clear the decks.
It's up to me.
422
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:12,081
Normie, it's your best buddy.
423
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:13,833
Go away, Frank.
424
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:19,380
Even in pain,
he can make us smile.
425
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:24,635
Norm?
You know it's Cliff ie.
426
00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:27,721
And I too,
once had a dream, Norm.
427
00:22:27,888 --> 00:22:31,100
No, no, more than a dream,
really.
428
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:33,435
It was an all-consuming passion.
429
00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:35,855
I wanted to be a trapeze artist.
430
00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:40,985
Trapeze artist?
Like, in a circus?
431
00:22:41,151 --> 00:22:43,487
No, like in
your finer restaurants, Sam.
432
00:22:47,116 --> 00:22:50,286
When I was a lad, I went to see
the movie Trapeze
433
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:52,454
with Burt Lancaster
and Tony Curtis.
434
00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:53,581
No kidding, Cliff ie?
435
00:22:53,747 --> 00:22:54,707
Did you sit between them?
436
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:56,208
Coach...
437
00:23:02,089 --> 00:23:04,174
I must have seen it 20 times.
438
00:23:04,341 --> 00:23:06,969
I always imagined myself
up there with them,
439
00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:08,470
high above the center ring.
440
00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:13,809
The spotlight shines upon me,
sweat glistens from my body.
441
00:23:13,976 --> 00:23:16,562
Below me, the women's eyes
glaze over with lust,
442
00:23:17,855 --> 00:23:20,065
the men, they grind
their teeth with envy.
443
00:23:21,108 --> 00:23:23,986
I lunge at the bar
with almost an insane daring,
444
00:23:24,153 --> 00:23:27,156
flying through the air,
completing one, two, three, oh, my God,
445
00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:28,991
four somersaults!
446
00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:33,579
The first quadruple
in the history of the big top, Norm.
447
00:23:36,332 --> 00:23:39,752
But I became a postal carrier,
and the rest is history.
448
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:45,591
No, Norm...
having a dream isn't stupid.
449
00:23:45,758 --> 00:23:47,885
It's not having them
that's stupid.
450
00:23:48,052 --> 00:23:51,764
What's stupid is the picture of you
in one of those outfits.
451
00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:57,686
Hey, uh, I'd like to
take issue with this...
452
00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:59,772
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
453
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:02,274
Stop laughing at my pal here,
all right?
454
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:06,028
This man had the only dream
that was more ridiculous than mine.
455
00:24:08,822 --> 00:24:10,324
- Oh, yeah?
- A lot more, I might add.
456
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:13,744
Is that right, Marco ROLLO?
457
00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:19,124
Excuse me, I've got to buy a drink here
for the great Cliff ini.
458
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:23,295
Oh, the next round is on me
for Ferdinand Magelly-belly.
459
00:24:25,047 --> 00:24:27,383
Oh, listen to
the Flying Rear-enda here.
460
00:24:27,549 --> 00:24:29,635
Oh, is that right,
Christopher Columbutt?