1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:05,297
Hey, Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,341
Eh, so, Norm,
3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,676
any luck impregnating Vera?
4
00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:15,682
God, I miss the good old days
when people used to ask me things like,
5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,352
"How're those Red Sox doing?'
Things like that.
6
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:21,063
Well, excuse me for caring.
7
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:26,777
Yeah, I'm sorry, Larry,
uh, just a little edgy, you know?
8
00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:30,155
You have to understand.
I've gone an entire month with sex.
9
00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,784
Yeah, it's all right, Normie.
10
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,953
Uh, Larry understands you.
Don't you, Larry?
11
00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:39,206
But, look, you've been, uh,
trying for quite a few weeks now
12
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,874
and you've yet to strike pay dirt.
13
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,627
Can I, uh, can I ask you
a personal question?
14
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:46,296
Heaven forbid
this conversation'd get personal now.
15
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,883
Have you, uh, have you been
to a fertility specialist?
16
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:54,638
Yeah, yeah, actually we have,
but I don't have a lot of faith in this guy.
17
00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:58,475
He's got Vera sprinkling
powdered rhinoceros horn
18
00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:00,310
on my cereal in the morning.
19
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,064
Uh, does it make you feel
more virile, Normie?
20
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:08,735
Not really, but every now and then
I get this urge to charge a Jeep.
21
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,523
Afternoon, everybody!
22
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:29,691
Norm!
23
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:30,859
Norman.
24
00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:33,612
Uh, what would you say
to a beer, Normie?
25
00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:35,530
Daddy wuvs you.
26
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,118
Yi! It's freezing in here.
27
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:43,789
Didn't you hear? We're giving
our appliances the winter off.
28
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,751
There's some kind of blockage
in the heating system.
29
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:50,629
The furnace is working,
but we're not getting any hot air.
30
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,589
- What's Sammy going to do about it?
- You know,
31
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,341
I cannot believe this helplessness.
32
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:57,678
How about a little Yankee ingenuity here?
33
00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:01,556
If Cheers were burning, would you wait for Sam
to get back to do something about it?
34
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,976
No, Diane, 'cause I already
taught them the fire drill.
35
00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:09,981
We all file out in an orderly fashion
after nailing your hair to the bar.
36
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,866
Well, Clifford, we don't usually
see you in here this early.
37
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:22,160
Oh, I'm sick, Diane.
38
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,956
I must be coming down
with something.
39
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:29,751
Thought I'd get some coffee here
before I finish my route.
40
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,754
No, Cliff, a brandy.
Let me get you a nice brandy.
41
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:36,425
No, Coach, I hope I'm never that ill.
As long as I'm carrying this bag,
42
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,260
that's one thing
that'll never touch these lips.
43
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,595
You mean,
there's something that wants to?
44
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,515
Alcohol.
45
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:45,851
I'm on duty, Carla.
46
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,352
Just a coffee, please, Coach.
47
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,938
I can do better than that
for you, Cliff ie.
48
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,441
Will somebody go upstairs
to Melville's, please,
49
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:55,235
and get this man
a bowl of hot soup?
50
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,154
What happened to the heat,
Coach?
51
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:01,074
Oh, some minor malfunction
that no one here is skilled enough
52
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,034
to even attempt to fix.
53
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:06,121
Diane, I resent that.
I'm kind of a handy guy.
54
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:10,542
I'll have you know just the other day,
I, uh, changed one of them,
55
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,044
- uh, what do you call them?
- A light bulb?
56
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,297
A light bulb.
There you go, Carla.
57
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,216
Why don't you just call in sick?
58
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,552
Oh, no,
I could never do that, Diane.
59
00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,387
It's a matter of principle
with me.
60
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,181
I've got to be
on the verge of death
61
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,807
before I take sick leave.
62
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,185
I thought you used it all up
to go to Florida.
63
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,853
You got a problem with that?
64
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:33,356
Here you go, Cliff ie.
65
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,984
- Oh, thank you, Norm.
- Here's some soup, huh?
66
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:39,738
- How many letters you got left, huh?
- I don't know, seven or eight.
67
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:42,908
Hmm, boy, this tastes good.
68
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,494
Hey, you know something?
These are all on my way home.
69
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,330
Let me drop these off for you, Cliff ie.
I got to go home anyway.
70
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:51,625
Oh, oh, no, you're not trained.
You're not qualified.
71
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:56,463
What qualified? You drop them in a slot.
A chimp could do it.
72
00:04:58,089 --> 00:04:59,216
Are you kidding? No way.
73
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,551
They did a study
at the University of Michigan.
74
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,471
Chimps were 32% slower.
75
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:06,973
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know,
76
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,893
they were better with customer relations
and everything, but...
77
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:14,773
Clifford, the man is offering
to do you a favor
78
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:17,526
out of friendship
for your own good.
79
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:21,279
Cliff, sounds like you have
two options here. You let me deliver these
80
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:24,115
or run the risk of... non-delivery--
81
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,117
-livery, -livery, -livery, -livery...
82
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:27,536
I'll drop these off.
83
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:30,205
Oh, thank you, Normie.
84
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,207
And just remember,
in those envelopes
85
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,125
are the dreams, hopes,
and fears of the nation.
86
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,420
Yeah, and several
car wash announcements.
87
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:45,887
Hey, everybody.
88
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,391
Ho, boy, holy cow!
What happened here?
89
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,102
It's warmer up in the mountains,
and we were au naturel.
90
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,980
Hey, Coach, did you, uh,
check the furnace?
91
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:58,316
It's not the furnace, Sam,
it's that damn vent.
92
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:02,028
I called the repairman, that old
buddy of mine. He's on his way over.
93
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,948
Oh good. Well, Bambi, it looks like
it's up to you and me
94
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,075
to generate a little heat
for these folks, huh?
95
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:11,538
Don't bother. We'll just
huddle around a 3-watt light bulb.
96
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:14,958
Feisty little barmaid.
97
00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:16,585
I took her in off the streets.
98
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:19,713
She's crude, but devoted.
99
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,467
You know, I had a terrific time.
Thank you.
100
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,011
Thank you, Sam.
101
00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:29,055
- It was the best ski trip I ever had.
- Yeah, me, too.
102
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,975
Did you find any time for skiing?
103
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:35,395
No, darn it! You know,
somebody stole our skis.
104
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,939
We had to spend
the whole weekend in the lodge.
105
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,860
That's too bad.
106
00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:44,404
Yeah, but when we were
leaving this morning,
107
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,949
they turned up in the rack
on the roof of Sam's car.
108
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,995
Yeah, some kids
must have stolen them
109
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,080
for a... joy ski.
110
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:57,959
- Disrespectful punks!
- Yeah.
111
00:06:58,335 --> 00:06:59,669
Well, I've got to get going.
112
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,380
- I have to be at BU in half an hour.
- Okay. BU?
113
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,342
That's, uh, Boston University,
isn't it, Bambi?
114
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:08,345
- Uh-huh, that's right.
- Yeah, where all the smart types hang out.
115
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,972
What are you studying there?
116
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,099
Oh, I'm not studying anything.
117
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,769
I'm going to be part
of a fraternity stunt.
118
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,605
Yeah, she's, uh,
119
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,316
she's tutoring
some of the boys.
120
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:23,234
Well, in a way...
121
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,362
- Yeah. Ha.
- See you later, Sam.
122
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,280
Yeah, you take care.
123
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,783
Oh, boy, look at that.
124
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:34,120
Well, I guess I better take a look
at this air duct here, huh?
125
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,748
You know, sometimes
the problem's right over here.
126
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,500
"Bambi"?
127
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,585
Yeah, what's wrong
with that?
128
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:44,756
Well, I suppose it's better than
Dumbo or Goofy.
129
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:49,010
Not as appropriate, but...
130
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,931
Coach, can I have
my flashlight, please?
131
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,392
You know, Sam...
132
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,062
I can't help but noticing
133
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:03,316
that Bambi wasn't
the same little deer
134
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:07,153
that you left here
with on Friday.
135
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:08,738
No, I got rid of Cindy.
136
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,074
Hmm.
We weren't compatible.
137
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,784
Really?
What was the problem there?
138
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,414
- Dumb as a post.
- Oh.
139
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,124
With so much in common,
140
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,584
I can't imagine
why you two went awry.
141
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,170
No, I'm serious.
142
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,756
I mean, she just wasn't
my intellectual equal.
143
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,843
You should have told me you were
looking for your intellectual equal.
144
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,722
I could introduce you to something
that's growing on my shower curtain.
145
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,102
Well, thank you, Diane,
146
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:42,105
but I think I'll wait and see
how Bambi works out.
147
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,442
Well, I guess I've done just about
everything I know what to do here.
148
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,821
You shined a flashlight on it.
149
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:54,659
Yeah, usually works, too.
Boy, this one's really got me stumped.
150
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,040
Hey, uh, could somebody
go up to Melville's,
151
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,834
get me a little bit more soup?
What about you, Larry?
152
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,628
You're not, uh, doing anything
really important there, are you?
153
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,631
- Yeah, yeah, all right.
- Yeah, good man.
154
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,092
Thanks a lot.
155
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,761
I suppose you want some crackers?
156
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,597
Uh, well, those low-sodium kind,
all right?
157
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:19,768
- What's he doing in my office?
- Sam, the guy is sick as a dog.
158
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,937
Oh, yeah, actually, Coach,
I'm, you know, I'm not so bad now.
159
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:26,066
I could probably sit up at the bar there,
let Larry bring dinner down to me.
160
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,695
Cliff Clavin?
161
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,448
Oh, uh, yeah, officer.
Uh, what's the trouble?
162
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,241
You know a Norm Peterson?
163
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,952
Yeah.
Yeah, well, what is it?
164
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,829
Uh, we have him
down at the station.
165
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,247
We've arrested him
for mail theft.
166
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,834
Oh, no, no, no, no,
you made a mistake there, officer.
167
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,295
No, no, there's no mistake.
We caught him red-handed,
168
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:51,341
messing with the mailboxes on your route.
He had a, uh, handful of letters
169
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:54,761
- and he said he was delivering them for you.
- Yeah, I asked him to.
170
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,137
- You asked him to?
- Yeah.
171
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,681
Well, uh, you're
out of a job, fella.
172
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,310
Oh, uh, excuse me, officer, uh,
you interrupted me before I finished.
173
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,688
See, I asked him
to quit following me.
174
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:09,192
I mean, the guy, I had him pegged
as a sociopath right away.
175
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:13,947
See, he's a frustrated mailman,
uh, we call it "postal envy."
176
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,533
Yeah, so...
177
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:20,245
uh, so anything, uh, serious
going to happen to this ne'er-do-well?
178
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,621
Not serious enough.
179
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:25,583
Yeah, whew, damn it.
I rue the day they outlawed flogging.
180
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,961
- Bleeding hearts.
- Oh, ooh, yeah.
181
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,171
So, uh, how well
do you know this guy?
182
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,757
Well, you know, we, uh, talk
every now and then.
183
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,135
- He's a portly guy, isn't he?
- Full-size.
184
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,636
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
185
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,639
So, uh, what actually is going to happen
to this, uh, Patterson fella?
186
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,432
- Peterson.
- Excuse me.
187
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:45,603
Officer, I'm the owner of the bar here.
Sam Malone. Uh, is there a problem?
188
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,605
- No.
- Oh, no, no, some guy
189
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:51,067
tried to implicate this letter carrier here
in a mail theft on his route.
190
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,068
Crazy, huh?
191
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,362
You're kidding me. Mail theft?
192
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,030
That's ridiculous.
I've known Cliff for years.
193
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,074
He wouldn't be involved
in something like that.
194
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,076
Yeah, you're a fine bartender, Sammy.
195
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,203
You, sir, are sure
one of Boston's finest.
196
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,331
Well, thanks.
We just had to check out the story.
197
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,875
Well, and check it out
you did.
198
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,668
By the way,
the Federal government appreciates
199
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,545
the cooperation of you local boys.
200
00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:13,882
Let's just hope our penal system
can rehabilitate the wretch.
201
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,633
Thank you, officer.
202
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,053
Can you believe that?
Hey, guys, did you hear that?
203
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,222
Yeah, Sammy, what do you say
we go shoot some stick, huh?
204
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:25,143
Sure, why not? Yeah, they arrested
some guy on Cliff's route for mail theft.
205
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,312
You want eight-ball or straight pool
or your choice--
206
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:29,397
Wait a minute!
Norman was finishing your route.
207
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:32,192
- Clifford?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? Norm?
208
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,694
- Well...
- You mean that they arrested Norm?
209
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,238
- You didn't straighten the cop out?
- Well, not exactly.
210
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:40,241
- It's a little bit complicated.
- So, Sam, you want to break, you want me--
211
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,327
Clifford, get back here!
212
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:45,038
Oh, look, isn't it obvious
what I did here?
213
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,498
Yeah, it's obvious what you've done.
214
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:51,085
You've run your best friend Norm
up the river.
215
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:54,589
We're in trouble here.
My job's hanging by a thread.
216
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,549
Yeah, Norm's in jail anyway.
217
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,469
Just leave him there
a little while longer while I figure out
218
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,180
what's the best thing to do
for all concerned here. Norm'll be okay.
219
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,308
Hey, you know,
Norm isn't at some party, you know?
220
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:08,436
I mean, by now, he's probably had
all his valuables taken,
221
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:10,688
been strip-searched,
been deloused,
222
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:14,817
and thrown into some dark, cold cell
with a sex-starved pervert.
223
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:18,947
So? That's how he describes
a typical evening at home.
224
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,074
Hey, hey, hey,
Clifford! come on!
225
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,795
The reason I called you, sir
is because I'm looking for an attorney
226
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:36,089
that specializes
in criminal, federal offenses.
227
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:39,092
Yeah, you're going to be defending
the best friend I have in the entire world
228
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,885
and money is no object.
229
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,555
How much?
For one guy?
230
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:48,977
Stick your writ in your briefs,
you ambulance chaser.
231
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,690
Oh, let's let some young,
hungry public defender
232
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,192
make a name for himself
on this one, all right?
233
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,612
Look, I wish you'd see this
through my eyes.
234
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,282
I'd like to see this
through your eyes.
235
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,658
Oh, come on, Carla.
236
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:05,660
Norm's such a sweet,
cuddly guy.
237
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:08,705
Ah, the jury'll take one look
into his sad eyes
238
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,498
and there's no way
they're going to fry him,
239
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:12,333
whereas my whole career
could hang in the balance.
240
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,627
I'd like to see you
hang in the balance.
241
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:18,423
Yeah, I notice a certain re-occurring theme
in your comments here, Carla.
242
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:21,009
Look, Norm was doing you
a favor.
243
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:25,054
You don't even know if you're going to get
into trouble, Cliff ie.
244
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,224
Come on, will you get off my back?
All right, look,
245
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:32,395
if this is what I got to do, I'll do
the gutsy thing and call the post office
246
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,980
and get Norm out of there.
247
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,816
I'll just call them and, uh, tell them
it was the O'Hara kid.
248
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:40,028
Yeah, yeah, he wouldn't mind spending
some time in jail, if you get my drift.
249
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,573
Hey, hey, where's
your sense of humor?
250
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,533
If Norm was here,
he'd be laughing.
251
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:49,162
If Norm was here, he'd be tearing out
your tonsils and feeding them to you.
252
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,496
Yeah, and laughing.
253
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:53,541
All right, look,
I'll call and see what the penalty is,
254
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:55,501
but it's got to be anonymous.
255
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:59,380
Okay, everybody in favor
of Cliff calling, raise your hand.
256
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,008
It's anonymous.
257
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:05,511
Not even an extension.
258
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,930
Yeah, it's just what
I wanted to hear.
259
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,145
Oh, how'd you
make out, Sam?
260
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:15,355
Lousy.
261
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,689
They won't let Norm go
262
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,858
unless the post office
drops charges,
263
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,402
which means Cliff's going
to have to tell the truth.
264
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:22,612
I got to talk to him.
265
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,448
- He's on the phone now.
- Confessing?
266
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:28,993
Nah, no. He's, uh, finding out
what would happen if he did.
267
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,245
Meantime, you got
some other problems.
268
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:34,123
What, what? Uh, the furnace guy
didn't show up?
269
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:37,168
No, no, and we decided
somebody should
270
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:39,754
climb into the duct
and try to open it.
271
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:43,841
- Who?
- The skinniest person we could think of.
272
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,636
Hah! You're kidding me!
Diane actually agreed
273
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,097
- to crawl around in the air ducts?
- She had to.
274
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:51,641
She'd been shooting her face off
about it all day.
275
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,477
- Where is she now?
- I'm beneath you, Sam.
276
00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,062
Oh, I always knew that, but...
277
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:59,065
Oh! My goodness!
278
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,859
Well, looky here!
279
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:05,446
- How about that?
- I'm glad you find this amusing.
280
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,698
Well, what're you doing
down there, huh?
281
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,450
Aerobics, you idiot.
282
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:13,913
Well, why don't you get out of there,
silly, so I can fix it?
283
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,792
I can't crawl any farther and my clothes
are snagged on something,
284
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:20,670
so I can't back up.
I'm stuck right here.
285
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:25,049
Okay, egg-toss fans,
step right up.
286
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,969
Hit the geek and win a beer!
287
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,762
Three eggs for a nickel.
288
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:32,223
Sam, aren't you
going to step in here?
289
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,684
You bet your booties I am.
I only got a dime here,
290
00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:37,437
- so give me six, Carla.
- Sam, please!
291
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,605
Oh, Carla, how could you
suggest such a thing?
292
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:40,982
Terrible.
293
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,525
Tell you what I'll do,
294
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:44,944
I'll go down in the basement
and see if I can get you out, all right?
295
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,195
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
296
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:47,447
- Oh, Sam?
- Yeah?
297
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:51,742
Will you put the grate back, please?
Someone almost stepped on my face...
298
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:54,454
with the cutest
little satin pumps.
299
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:55,913
- Ooh.
- Thanks.
300
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,207
- S'all right?
- S'all right.
301
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:05,214
Well, my supervisor confirmed
exactly what I had suspected all along.
302
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,675
That he hired you as a token weenie?
303
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:12,930
No, he told me that a courier who
lets somebody else deliver his mail for him
304
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:15,349
could face a hearing where,
depending on his prior record,
305
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:17,685
he could be suspended
or even relieved from duty.
306
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,688
- What about Norm?
- Carla, look, you know as well as I do,
307
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,398
Normie's got no previous record.
308
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:25,735
They'll just give him a, uh,
suspended sentence and a sharp reprimand.
309
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:29,697
Oh, damn it, Cliff, you're wrong.
You know you're wrong.
310
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,617
You should be ashamed
of yourself.
311
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:34,827
Coach is right, Clifford.
312
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:39,290
You don't deserve to have a friend
like Norman if you let him down now.
313
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:40,458
Yeah.
314
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:44,045
So, either you go in there
and straighten this out, or we will.
315
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,464
Yeah, and we're never going to let you
show your face in here again.
316
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,258
All right,
all right.
317
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:55,097
I'll call my supervisor and explain
the whole thing first thing in the morning.
318
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,891
- Now!
- Now Clifford!
319
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,059
All right. Now.
320
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,853
I'll go explain
the whole thing now.
321
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,941
I want you all to know that this
is going to mean the end for me.
322
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:10,112
Yeah, I'll...
I'll be a civilian,
323
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,573
one of the crowd.
324
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,201
There's a lot of things
I'm going to miss, too...
325
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,246
free mucilage, the twine,
326
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,332
the "open with care" labels
327
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:24,043
we used to stick on our flies
at the Christmas party...
328
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,796
the uniform, the respect.
329
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,714
Yeah, I'm leaving here
a mailman.
330
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,925
I'm coming back a nobody.
331
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:36,305
Diane, I can't get to you.
332
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,808
The opening
to the air duct is too small.
333
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,518
Oh...
334
00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:44,480
Coach, call the furnace man, please,
and tell him it's an emergency.
335
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,775
I already called him again,
honey, this evening.
336
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,903
He said he might not
make it at all.
337
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,197
Sam, do something.
338
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:56,075
I will, sweetheart,
I know somebody else I can call.
339
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:59,453
But listen, I mean this,
if you say the word,
340
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,080
I don't care the cost,
341
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,666
I will rip this floor up
to get you out of there.
342
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,668
Oh, do it, Sam, please.
343
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,712
That's not the word.
344
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,257
Swine!
345
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,050
No, no, you're getting colder.
346
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,810
Come on, now, sweetheart,
open up.
347
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,145
Mm-mm.
348
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:27,023
Come on, darling, you don't know
how long you're going to be in there,
349
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,774
and you got to stay warm.
350
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,235
- Sam, I--
- Whoop, there you go!
351
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,154
Oh, I'm sorry.
352
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,575
You know, Diane,
the important thing here
353
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:42,663
is just to relax and stay calm.
Just remember, rats sense fear.
354
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,123
Carla!
355
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,085
Here you go, darling.
Here you go.
356
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:50,755
How's that, huh?
357
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:54,175
Sam, I'm not hungry,
and I'm not cold.
358
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:56,302
I just want to get out of here.
359
00:18:56,927 --> 00:19:00,389
I know, sweetheart. The guy I called
said he'll be here in a minute.
360
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,516
Say...
361
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,979
Just on the off chance
362
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,065
that the guy's not able
to get you out of there,
363
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,192
don't you think
you'd feel better
364
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,778
if you were
to declare your love for me now
365
00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:15,780
while you still have the chance?
366
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,199
You're right, Sam.
367
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:21,452
What'd you say?
368
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,331
- What?
- Let go!
369
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,667
Let go! Let go! Come on, let--
370
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,126
Yeow!
371
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,963
Well, she said she loves me,
always has, always will.
372
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,425
You're off the clock,
sweetheart.
373
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:39,178
Only a dollar?
374
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,180
No, no,
it's happy hour.
375
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:42,807
It's only 50 cents.
376
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:44,767
Oh, okay.
377
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:49,689
Pucker up, baby.
378
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,192
Hold it, hold it,
hold it!
379
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,861
Just go sit down, pal,
go sit down.
380
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,613
How could you
do that?
381
00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,782
It's all right, Sammy.
He had all his shots in the army.
382
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,579
Great news, everybody.
383
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,498
Because of my spotless record,
384
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:10,543
I only received
a 30-day suspension. Whoo!
385
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,337
Well, what about Norm?
Is he getting out?
386
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,381
My supervisor
already called the cops.
387
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,341
So, you see,
virtue triumphs again.
388
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,051
Set them up, Sammy.
Drinks are on me.
389
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,762
Well, I guess
I got to give you credit.
390
00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:24,390
- I know that wasn't an easy thing to do.
- Well, thank you, Sammy.
391
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,558
- Say, Cliff ie?
- Huh?
392
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,601
What do you suppose
is going to happen
393
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:29,854
when the big guy
walks through that door?
394
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:33,607
Well, I think our attitude should be
that he's paid his debt to society.
395
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,443
I mean, let him
start a new life, I say.
396
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:39,071
That's not exactly
what Carla had in mind, Cliff.
397
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,741
He's going to be
plenty sore at you, Cliff-o.
398
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:45,077
Yeah, I suppose he is, Coach,
and perhaps justly so.
399
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,245
Perhaps?
400
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,749
Oh, yeah, underneath that anger
is going to be love and understanding.
401
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,543
You see, uh, we go back
a long way, he and I.
402
00:20:53,127 --> 00:20:56,547
When that big fella comes in,
I'm just going to go up to him,
403
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:59,175
admit my error, and, uh,
ask for his forgiveness.
404
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:00,885
Here comes Norm now.
405
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,428
Ah, good.
406
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:03,721
If I know him,
407
00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:06,307
his, uh, understanding
will not long be withheld.
408
00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:08,434
Oh!
409
00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:11,270
Okay, come on, you guys!
410
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:14,273
No, no, no, no!
411
00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:16,025
Whoops!
412
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,861
- Come on, come on, come on!
- I'll kill him!
413
00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:20,905
But first I want to
hurt him a whole lot!
414
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:22,907
Take him over there,
will you?
415
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,620
- Take it easy.
- Get him out of here, Sam!
416
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,622
Out of this bar,
out of my life forever!
417
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:32,583
Okay, all right, Normie,
look, I'll go,
418
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:35,211
but I want you to remember one thing.
I took a chance for you.
419
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:36,378
I confessed
and got you out of jail.
420
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:39,215
I wouldn't have been in jail
if it wasn't for you!
421
00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:42,635
All right,
I'm sorry about that, Normie,
422
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:45,971
I'm really sorry,
but try and understand.
423
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,599
Your job's just a job,
424
00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:51,811
but being a mailman's
my whole identity.
425
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,939
I risked my whole world,
my entire life,
426
00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:59,276
to buy your freedom...
be-- because I love you, Norm.
427
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:04,490
Oh, come on, Norm,
isn't there something Cliff can do?
428
00:22:07,368 --> 00:22:09,912
Norman? He's right.
429
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,416
What is your heart
telling you?
430
00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:16,335
Never mind.
It's a long story.
431
00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:18,587
Goodbye, Norm.
432
00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:22,591
All right, all right,
wait, Cliff ie, wait.
433
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,556
I guess we have
been friends a long time.
434
00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:31,308
And... you are,
by nature, a weasel.
435
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:38,107
Well, there's something
you can do for me, I guess.
436
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:41,402
You can buy me
a beer...
437
00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:43,153
Aww...
438
00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:48,492
...With your pants
around your ankles.
439
00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:53,831
Oh, you can't
be serious, Norm.
440
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:55,583
Ankles, Cliff ie.
441
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,710
Standing on that stool...
442
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,839
while barking like a seal.
443
00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:15,769
Let's not stay.
There'll be a cover charge.