1 00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:04,087 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:11,553 - Bye. It's been a pleasure serving you. - Thanks. 3 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,055 Wait a minute. 4 00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,515 - Is this for me? - Yes. 5 00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:16,225 Wow, a quarter! 6 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:19,520 - He left me a whole quarter. - Hey, look-- 7 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,522 Considering that great service I gave him, 8 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:24,191 I was expecting a big tip, but nothing of this magnitude. 9 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,734 - Hey would you hold--? - That does it! 10 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,153 Thanks to him, I am on easy street. 11 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,780 Now I'm gonna retire. 12 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,323 Hey, look, all right. 13 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,742 I'll give you some more, okay? Here. 14 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,369 You have change of a 10? 15 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,162 Yeah, now beat it. 16 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:56,116 All right, everybody, I'm warning you, you better stay on my good side today. 17 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,744 Cliff, I've looked at you from every angle. 18 00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,996 There is no good side. 19 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,332 What's the problem there, Cliff ie? 20 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,001 A new couple moved in next door to me and Ma. 21 00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:10,047 Just not our kind of people. They're loud, they're noisy. 22 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,382 They're up till all hours playing their bebop music. 23 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:16,970 Automobile parts strewn all over the yard. Nothing I can use. 24 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,515 Why don't you just have a word with these people, Cliff ie? 25 00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,643 Norm, they're not the type of people 26 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,436 you can just have a word with, you know what I mean? 27 00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,980 If I talk to them, it's only going to lead to a fight, 28 00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,940 and you know what I'm liable to do. 29 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:30,859 Yeah, wet yourself. 30 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:36,823 Oh, my God! 31 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:39,951 That's my boss. He saw me slip out early. He's come here to fire me. 32 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:42,537 You got here the same time you always do. 33 00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,748 I know. I always leave early. 34 00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:50,003 I refuse to be one of those little cowardly clock-watchers, Diane. 35 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,089 As soon as my supervisor turns his head, 36 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,549 I always slip out the heating duct. 37 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:59,429 - How would he know you're here? - The company's full of spies. 38 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:00,931 Really? 39 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,766 Yeah, they know everything about you. 40 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,935 They even keep track of your sex habits. 41 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,896 Thank God I don't have any. 42 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,609 He's coming this way. Cliff ie, cover for me, will you? 43 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,403 Wait a minute... 44 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,739 Excuse me, wasn't that Norm Peterson? 45 00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,409 No, no, no. There's no Norm Peterson here. 46 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:21,993 In fact, I don't even know a Norm Peterson. 47 00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,955 Are you sure? The man that just ran into the men's room 48 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,999 - with his jacket pulled over his head? - Absolutely not. 49 00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:30,127 Probably somebody that looked like Norm Peterson, 50 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,379 who I don't know. 51 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:34,089 I see. 52 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,258 And... 53 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,844 ...what's this on the floor? 54 00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:43,807 Foam insulation from our heating duct. 55 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,268 My information is correct. 56 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,402 Peterson, you in here? 57 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,828 Oh, were you talking to me? 58 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,413 What are you doing in there? 59 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:09,875 Sir, this is awfully close to being an invasion of privacy, darn it! 60 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,793 I wanna talk to you. 61 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:13,795 I'll wait outside. 62 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,547 No, no, no, sir. 63 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:19,050 I know what you're probably gonna do to me. 64 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:22,220 And this does seem like the appropriate place for it. 65 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:25,265 All right. Peterson, 66 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,185 we've been making organizational changes in the company, 67 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,644 and starting tomorrow... 68 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,230 ...we want you to be our corporate killer. 69 00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,318 - The guy who fires people? - That's right. 70 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:40,113 You see, we decided that terminating employees 71 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,574 puts too much stress on our executives. 72 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:44,701 We think you'll be perfect. 73 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:45,786 Why me? 74 00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:49,748 Because studies have shown that it's particularly humiliating 75 00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,291 when you're fired by somebody who is 76 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:54,836 clearly and markedly superior to yourself. 77 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:57,464 And that just wouldn't be the case with you, Norman. 78 00:04:58,757 --> 00:04:59,883 See... 79 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:01,885 ...you're just an ordinary Joe. 80 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:06,515 As a matter of fact, we-- We checked out your home life. 81 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:10,602 You have absolutely nothing anyone could possibly envy or resent. 82 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,605 I'm honored, sir. 83 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,608 But this just sounds like a horrible job, frankly. 84 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:20,487 It's a 300 percent raise, and if you don't take it, you're fired. 85 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,991 Sir, I will have you know that I cannot be bought 86 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,952 and I cannot be threatened. 87 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,830 But you put the two together, and I'm your man. 88 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,920 Carla, have you given any thought 89 00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:41,007 to using some form of natural childbirth this time? 90 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,510 I always use the Le Mans method. 91 00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:47,138 - No, you mean Lamaze. - No, Le Mans. 92 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,641 I scream like a Ferrari. 93 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,729 Evening, everybody. 94 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,568 - What will you have, Norm? - Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. 95 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,528 I'll take a glass of whatever is on tap. 96 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:03,738 Looks like beer, Norm. 97 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,282 Call me Mr. Lucky, eh? 98 00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:09,160 I'll take another one for my young friend there. 99 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,788 So, Mr. Lucky, who is your young friend over there? 100 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,999 Well, it's my first assignment, Cliff ie. 101 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,918 I was supposed to fire that guy first thing in the morning. 102 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,545 Haven't been able to do it yet. 103 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:23,383 You mean you've been with the guy all day and you haven't canned him? 104 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:27,888 He's such a sweet young kid. I just can't tear his heart out. 105 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,348 Oh, can I do it? Please? 106 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,933 Hey, hey. Do you mind? 107 00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:33,560 I know what you're talking about. 108 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,187 You know, I mean it's always hard to fire people. 109 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:40,400 Of course, I always give my waitresses the benefit of a severance boink. 110 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:47,407 That or the money equivalent: $1.14. 111 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:51,578 As I recall, you were always after an advance. 112 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:54,873 Oh, Sam. 113 00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:57,250 You're always bringing that up, 114 00:06:57,459 --> 00:07:00,295 trying to relive those few precious weeks 115 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:04,799 with the only woman you ever dated who knew how to spell your name. 116 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:11,181 As I recall, you used to spell it E-X-T-A-S-Y. 117 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:15,852 You got the X right. 118 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,605 And it's going to stay that way. 119 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,733 Would you two mind if we moved on to something a little more interesting 120 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,194 - than your star-crossed romance, please? - Sorry. 121 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,529 Come on, Norm, what could be more interesting 122 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:31,076 than another gripping episode of The Young and the Chestless? 123 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:40,085 I'm sorry, where were--? Oh, yeah. So when are you gonna talk to the guy? 124 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:43,672 I don't know. I've been struggling with it all day, Sammy. 125 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,632 I was gonna tell him at lunch, you know, 126 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,677 but we were enjoying ourselves so much it just seemed gauche. 127 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,845 So I thought I'd take him to a movie, you know, 128 00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,097 and try to get him relaxed a bit. 129 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,182 And you couldn't tell him there either? 130 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:58,353 No. But I came awfully close at the ball game, Diane. 131 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:04,776 Norman, as you know, no one is more sensitive than I. 132 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:10,323 And I say putting it off is of no value to you or the boy. 133 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,411 - Guess you're right. - Yeah. 134 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:20,250 - Thanks for the beer, Mr. Peterson. - Sure. 135 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,918 I sure have had a good time today. 136 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:25,130 Sure we won't get in any trouble? Oh, no. Besides, it's great to get away 137 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,090 from that old sweatshop anyway, isn't it? 138 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,842 Are you kidding? I love my job. 139 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,219 The five months I've had it have been the best of my life. 140 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,349 Isn't that exaggerating just a little bit, Billy? 141 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,517 Not at all. 142 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,978 Mr. Peterson, ever since I can remember, 143 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,771 I've dreamed of being an accountant. 144 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:45,608 From the age of 6, I did odd jobs so I could put myself through college. 145 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,405 Now that I have it, I feel like I've got the world at my feet. 146 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,365 I just put a down payment on a house. 147 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,659 Now, maybe it was a little more than we wanted to spend, 148 00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:57,620 but escrow closed today, so there's no turning back now. 149 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,958 Besides, with my wife pregnant, we're gonna need the room. 150 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,462 Your, your... 151 00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:10,467 Well, you know, my wife and I are trying to have a baby, actually. 152 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,177 Hey, that's great. 153 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:14,971 Our kids are gonna play together at the company picnic. 154 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,683 I don't think so, Billy. 155 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,268 Why not? 156 00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,979 Because you're fired. 157 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,941 - I'm fired? - Yes. It's not your fault. 158 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,277 You're history, Billy. 159 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,321 It's the damn company. They're-- 160 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,740 They're cutting back all over the place. 161 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:38,119 You're a good accountant... I just feel so sorry. 162 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,996 I can't believe it. 163 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,375 It's not fair. You're so damn young. 164 00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:48,546 That's right. I-- I am young. I've got that going for me. 165 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,924 I'll-- I'll start over. I'll find something else. 166 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:54,010 In this job market? Good luck! 167 00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,890 There, there, Mr. Peterson. Don't-- Don't you worry about me. 168 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,225 I'll be just fine. 169 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:04,521 I'm gonna make you happy and proud again. 170 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,731 Now, are you gonna be okay? 171 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,735 Come on, show me a big smile. 172 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,572 Come on, come on. 173 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,535 Attaboy. 174 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,207 Come on, stand up here. Come on. 175 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:26,376 Get him a beer there, Diane. 176 00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,253 Come on. 177 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:31,881 So how did it go, Norm? 178 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,883 Hey, Carla! 179 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,178 That damn company. 180 00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:41,057 What do they know about the pride in a young wife's eye? 181 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:46,354 And an unborn child and a... A boy's love of a calculator. 182 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,275 Norman, stop torturing yourself. 183 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,860 And us. 184 00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:01,411 I guess Billy Richter's not gonna be the only one without a job. 185 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,705 I'm not cut out to be a corporate killer. 186 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,207 - Well, thank goodness for that. - Excuse me. 187 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,086 I watched you with that young man over there, and I wanna tell you that 188 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,005 I've never seen anything like that. 189 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:16,342 Hey, pal, look, this is the 1980s. It's okay for a man to cry. 190 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:17,677 Thanks, buddy. 191 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,929 Of course, you'll never catch me doing it. 192 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:25,894 Maybe a manly tear or two, but never blubbering. 193 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,607 I'm Phil Wagner. 194 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,193 It's a policy of Talbert international 195 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,737 to send a representative to check on how their employees 196 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,238 handle new assignments. 197 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,365 I've been following you around all day. 198 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,160 - All day? - That's right. 199 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:45,455 Oh, by the way, how'd you like Rice's catch in the third inning? 200 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:47,916 Was a great catch. 201 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:52,212 Look, sir, I guess you're gonna tell them to find another killer. 202 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,464 And, I have to say I'm relieved, actually. 203 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:55,924 Peterson, 204 00:11:56,174 --> 00:12:00,637 you made that man feel that he was fired from a sensitive, caring company. 205 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,055 It was brilliant. 206 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,057 Now, I'm gonna recommend that they give you 207 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:07,602 that corner office on the third floor, overlooking the parking lot. 208 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,979 But isn't that Mr. Peabody's office? 209 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,607 Not after you talk with him tomorrow. 210 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,743 That's it. I've had it. I've had it. 211 00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:26,287 Those neighbors have pushed me too far this time. 212 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,164 What happened now, Clifford? 213 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,500 Last night they decided to have a party. 214 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,336 Cars parked all over the block, loud music, carousing 215 00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:34,712 and who all knows what else. 216 00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,923 And all this on a school night. 217 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,759 You know, I think it's high time they found out 218 00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,469 what you get when you cross a Clavin. 219 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:45,139 Someone crossed one with a chicken and got you. 220 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,433 I beg your pardon. 221 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,936 Come on. You come in here shooting your mouth off 222 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,605 about this guy every night, but you don't do anything. 223 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,816 I think you're afraid to stand up to him. 224 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,442 I'm not afraid of anything. 225 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:59,821 One of these days, I'm gonna tell that jerk exactly what I think of him. 226 00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,614 Oh, yeah? 227 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,991 All right. 228 00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:05,660 Here you go. 229 00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:09,289 - Write him a letter. - Oh, yeah. 230 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,165 You don't think I will, huh? 231 00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:15,336 All right. "Howdy, neighbor. Please don't take this the wrong way..." 232 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,964 Give me that! "Howdy, neighbor"! 233 00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:19,924 Let me do this. 234 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:26,180 "Dear vile, scurvy rat... 235 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:30,476 ...whose existence stinks up the planet..." 236 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,022 Yeah, I guess that is a bit stronger. 237 00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:37,483 Where's--? Where's Norm? 238 00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:41,904 He's in the backroom dropping the ax on his latest victim. 239 00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:52,081 It'll be all right. I'll find another job. 240 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,333 Yeah. 241 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:54,584 Someday. 242 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,336 You promise? 243 00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,672 I promise. 244 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,382 Now, buck up. 245 00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,641 That man is a prince. 246 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:15,563 Norman, why do you keep putting yourself through this? 247 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:19,317 You must be emotionally drained at the end of the day. 248 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:24,197 Yeah. Yeah, I am. But, hey, I'm good at it, huh? 249 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,866 I finally found something in life that I'm good at. 250 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,451 Pity. 251 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:34,374 Now, we just gotta finish it off with a real doozy. 252 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:37,168 Does he have any disabilities you can make fun of? 253 00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:38,378 No. 254 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:41,214 Well, his wife is not a particularly handsome woman. 255 00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,466 Oh, good, good. 256 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,844 "Bark hello to your wife for me." 257 00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:51,724 "Yours in disgust." 258 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:52,934 Sign that. 259 00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,603 Okay. I'll sign it with pleasure. 260 00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:58,439 And I'll mail this at my earliest convenience. 261 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,526 Fork it over. It's going out in today's mail. 262 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,278 Good, good. Glad to hear it. 263 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,488 Look, Clavin, 264 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:07,073 just think of this 265 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,993 as your ticket out of Weenietown. 266 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,038 Carla, I made that trip a long time ago. 267 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,791 Yeah, but they threw you out at Dinkville. 268 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,920 - I'm sor-- Norm? - Yeah? 269 00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:22,088 Your office called. 270 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,673 They're sending over a John Parker. 271 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,049 - Another one. - Yeah. 272 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,261 Last one of the day, I guess. 273 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,304 See what we got here. 274 00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,140 John Parker... 275 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,311 Thirty-five years with the company, Sam. 276 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:41,065 He's a widower, supports sickly parents. 277 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:44,735 Oh, no, three foster children. 278 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,864 So sad, so sad. 279 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,949 Afternoon, Sam. 280 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,534 And how are we today? 281 00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,911 We're fine, Walt. How you doing? 282 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,872 Well, it hasn't been an easy day, 283 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,833 but any day I carry the US Mail, 284 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:02,587 I count myself a lucky and useful human being. 285 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,257 Are all you guys like this? 286 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:08,217 Like what? 287 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:09,969 Never mind. 288 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,307 Hold on a sec, Walt, I got some outgoing mail here. 289 00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:17,393 - Sure thing. - How do you like that? 290 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:18,644 I just talked to Mom. 291 00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,522 Our neighbor's cleaning up his yard as we speak. 292 00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,858 Yeah, he said he would've gotten to it sooner, 293 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,151 but he's been in training 294 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,778 for the World Light Heavyweight Kickboxing Championship. 295 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,157 He would have made a worthy adversary for me, 296 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,409 but it's good I found out before that letter was mailed. 297 00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:36,787 That's excellent use of the nine-digit Zip code, Sam. 298 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:40,124 Consider these letters in the hands of the addressees. 299 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:44,003 Hey. Ho, ho, ho! Hold on there... 300 00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,255 - Twitchell, isn't it? - That's right. 301 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:49,175 I'm Clavin, South Central Branch, SCB. 302 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,802 Oh, right. 303 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:55,681 Listen, Twitch, you got a letter in that bag that 304 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,226 I don't need to have mailed, I'd appreciate it if I could have it back. 305 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,686 Sorry. 306 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,856 Hey, what do you--? What do you mean "sorry"? 307 00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,441 Well, I can't give it back. 308 00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:08,194 Any letter on my person for the express purpose of 309 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,404 - delivery, receives the same sanctity - Delivery, receives the same sanctity 310 00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,614 - it would be afforded - it would be afforded 311 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:12,865 - in any U.S. Mail receptacle. - In any U.S. Mail receptacle. 312 00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:16,160 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, look, this is a very personal, important matter to me. 313 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,620 Oh, you know the rules. 314 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,789 Hey, hey, hey, that's my bag! 315 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:22,375 Get your hands off that bag! That's a federal offense, you know. 316 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,210 - You're a federal offense, - Hey, what do you think you're doing? 317 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,628 - You meathead! - Hey, now--! 318 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:26,754 Hey! 319 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,297 Hey! 320 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,424 Go on. Get out of here! 321 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,593 That's Clavin. 322 00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,304 - Clavin with a C, right? - That's right. 323 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,931 Yeah, well, let me tell you, 324 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,599 - you're in trouble. - You're in trouble! 325 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,770 - They're gonna have your bags. - Your mother's a bag. 326 00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:46,983 Isn't that something? 327 00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:50,486 Put a uniform on some guys, it turns them right into a fascist. 328 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:52,113 I wouldn't be a bit surprised 329 00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:56,200 if that guy had deep sexual problems. 330 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,294 Norman's sleeping like a baby. 331 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:09,630 Yeah, a baby with a license to kill. 332 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:15,720 Well, I guess this job is taking its toll. I wonder what he's dreaming about. 333 00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:19,515 Oh, he's probably dreaming about what every man dreams about. 334 00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:22,435 In your case that would be me. 335 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,063 I hardly think that Norm is dreaming about you. 336 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,652 I stand corrected. 337 00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:36,616 You all right? Hey, you okay? 338 00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:39,410 - Wake up. - No, no, no. I'm-- I'm fine. 339 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,370 Strangest dream. 340 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,497 - What was that? - It was so weird, Sam. 341 00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:44,957 What? 342 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,709 So it's really dark, you know. 343 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,378 And cold and eerie... 344 00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,672 And it was out in the middle of nowhere, you know. 345 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:54,300 I mean, it was nowhere, but it was definitely somewhere, you know. 346 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,929 There was this endless line of accountants there, right. 347 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:02,558 And it was my job to make them go through a pair of elevator doors. 348 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,269 Going down? 349 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,163 One by one, they went, Sammy, 350 00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:27,458 falling, screaming into a bottomless pit. 351 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,509 Then I turned around and there's this accountant 352 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,302 who's wearing a blindfold, right. 353 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,513 I went up to him... 354 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:58,364 No, wait! I'm just demonstrating, you know. I'm fine. 355 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:02,576 Norman, don't you see what this dream means? 356 00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,371 A very precious part of you 357 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,999 feels as if it's being destroyed by this job. 358 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,545 The burden of your guilt is insupportable. 359 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:16,382 Hey, I never said I was in love with this job, okay? 360 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:20,302 As a matter of fact, I think it stinks, all right? But it is important. 361 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,430 These guys, they'd all be fired anyway. 362 00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,390 And I'm just providing a service, okay? 363 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:28,018 I'm helping them through one of life's most painful experiences. 364 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:32,231 Norman, these executives are having you do their dirty work. 365 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,483 You are their Judas goat. 366 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,652 Oh, come on, just lighten up, will you, Diane? 367 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,112 Well, I mean it. 368 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,323 You should have more pride than to do repugnant tasks 369 00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:43,492 for people at their bidding. 370 00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:45,536 You wanna wipe up that bar-sweat there? 371 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,621 Oh, right away. 372 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,094 Can I get you something? 373 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:03,387 No. 374 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:07,224 You okay? 375 00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:09,643 Nor-- 376 00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,229 Norm Peterson invited me for a beer... 377 00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:13,439 ...at Cheers. 378 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:16,275 Well... 379 00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:18,694 ...he's sitting down right over there. 380 00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:20,613 So that's him? 381 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,626 Hi. You must be John Parker. 382 00:21:33,876 --> 00:21:35,252 Hi. Norm Peterson here. 383 00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:37,213 I know. Yeah, I know. 384 00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:41,300 It's really terrible what you have to do to me, isn't it? 385 00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:43,052 You mean you know why you're here? 386 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:44,762 Everybody at the company knows about you. 387 00:21:45,179 --> 00:21:48,140 Well, then, John, I guess there's really nothing left to say, is there? 388 00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:50,267 What do you mean? 389 00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:51,852 Where's my sympathy? 390 00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:55,231 Where's the caring? Where--? Where's the tears? 391 00:21:55,397 --> 00:21:56,899 Well... 392 00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:58,776 I do feel bad for you, John. 393 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,361 Doesn't look like it. 394 00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:06,534 No, honestly, John, I-- I feel just awful. 395 00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:17,002 You have, like, foster children, I believe, right? 396 00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:19,213 Yes. And one of them needs braces. 397 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,340 Oh, braces... 398 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:28,264 You know, Peterson, 399 00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:31,725 I would rather have somebody come right out and fire me honestly 400 00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:33,811 than fake sentiment. Now, you-- 401 00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:37,439 You hide your true feelings behind a shower of crocodile tears. 402 00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:38,524 John, listen. 403 00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:41,861 John, wait a second. Let me-- Let me try again, John. 404 00:22:43,529 --> 00:22:45,489 Sickly parents. 405 00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:53,539 Look at me. I'm dry as a bone. 406 00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:55,666 Do you know what's happening to you, Norman? 407 00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:59,670 You're becoming callous and hard. 408 00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:03,841 Yeah, I know. Give me the phone... 409 00:23:04,174 --> 00:23:05,926 ...and a beer. 410 00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:09,471 What are you doing? 411 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,099 - I'm quitting. - All right! 412 00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:15,144 I'm calling Mr. Simpson in Personnel, tell him I'm resigning. 413 00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:18,647 I'm gonna let the bosses do their own dirty work for a change. 414 00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:20,149 Good man. 415 00:23:20,524 --> 00:23:23,360 Mr. Simpson? Yes, this is Norm Peterson, sir. 416 00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:26,196 We really have to have a lit-- Hello? 417 00:23:27,364 --> 00:23:29,783 He screamed and hung up. 418 00:23:31,702 --> 00:23:33,120 I'll try him again. 419 00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:38,751 Yes, is this Mr. Simpson's secretary? 420 00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:42,087 Hi. This is Norm Peterson. We seem to have been-- Hello? 421 00:23:42,338 --> 00:23:43,839 Hello? 422 00:23:46,342 --> 00:23:48,677 You see what's happening here, don't you? 423 00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:50,471 Yeah. 424 00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:52,181 This is amazing. 425 00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:54,433 Why don't I just give Mr. Hecht a little call? 426 00:23:54,725 --> 00:23:56,143 It was his scheme to begin with. 427 00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:59,188 Why don't I just tell him how good the little plan is going. 428 00:24:02,858 --> 00:24:03,859 Mr. Hecht? 429 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:07,488 This is Norm Peterson.