1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:04,796
Hey, Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:07,007
Who's the lovely lady
Sam's talking to?
3
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,218
Another applicant for the waitress job.
4
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:11,970
It isn't easy for him probably
to find somebody
5
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,598
to work for the wages
he pays you, huh?
6
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:18,769
With tips I clear about
500 bucks a week, Clavin.
7
00:00:22,898 --> 00:00:24,274
That can't be right, is it?
8
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,276
I did her taxes.
9
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,570
You mean to tell me
that a federal employee,
10
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,740
entrusted with the most noble
and vital service of our society,
11
00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:36,286
makes less money than some wench
who serves beer to slobs on bars tools?
12
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,789
Makes sense to me, Cliff ie.
13
00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,124
No, really, I could go up to,
14
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,168
oh, three days or so without mail.
15
00:02:00,329 --> 00:02:03,999
Okay, here.
Carla, I'd like you to meet Sydney.
16
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:06,084
- Hi.
- Sydney is an applicant
17
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,003
for our waitress opening.
18
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,130
Well, she passed my interview
with flying colors.
19
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:13,008
And pending your approval,
I'd like to start her this afternoon.
20
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,511
Have you had any experience
serving the public?
21
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,263
You mean, dressed?
22
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:21,892
Take a hike, Sydney.
23
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,063
Well, I'll call you this afternoon
and see how you're doing.
24
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,357
Oh, thank you, Sam.
You're a very nice man.
25
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:30,192
Well, you're very nice too, Sydney.
26
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:33,403
I know we've only known each other
for a few minutes, but I...
27
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,572
Well, I feel like we've known
each other all day.
28
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:37,199
Yeah, me too.
29
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:38,492
Yeah, you take care.
30
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:40,911
You know, Sam,
31
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:43,288
when Diane left for Europe...
32
00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:44,790
Thank you, God.
33
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:48,001
...you promised that you were
gonna hire an actual waitress,
34
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,087
not one of these girls
that you love and leave.
35
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,505
I mean, they're bad for business,
36
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,507
they never last for more than a week,
37
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,258
and I end up doing all the work.
38
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:58,095
Well, that's why I'm allowing you
to give your approval
39
00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,722
before I hire them, but you
don't have to be so damn picky.
40
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,516
All I want is someone
41
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,186
who doesn't make us both think
of the word "boob" at the same time.
42
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,941
What is this, IBM?
43
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,859
Come on, let's not argue about this.
44
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,238
I'm sure we can find somebody
who's gonna make us both very happy.
45
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:20,492
- Brenda Wood?
- Hi. That's me.
46
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:23,078
Hi there, Brenda.
Come on down here
47
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:25,288
and let's take a look
at your application.
48
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:29,084
Well, I see that your turn-ons include
49
00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:33,964
banana daiquiris by a fireside
and men in tight jeans.
50
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:35,841
You're cute.
51
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,260
Well, I'm sold. Why don't you just
come right over here?
52
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,221
- Carla, I'd like you to meet Brenda.
- Beat it, Brenda.
53
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,098
- But, Sam...
- You heard me, honey.
54
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,183
Back to the bimbo union hall.
55
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:52,149
Gosh darn it, Brenda. I guess Carla
just thought you were overqualified.
56
00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,151
You know what might ease
that sting of rejection
57
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,820
you're feeling right now?
What would happen if I were to
58
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,364
slip into some tight jeans this weekend
59
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,825
and have you over to my place
for a banana daiquiri?
60
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,119
Do you have a fireplace?
61
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,288
No, but I got a sofa that's flammable.
62
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:11,126
- That'd be fine.
- All right. You take care now.
63
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,294
Bye-bye.
64
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,964
So the search continues,
huh, Sammy?
65
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:18,175
Yeah. Boy, it's tough being me.
66
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,596
- Okay, Lillian Huxley.
- How do you do, Mr. Malone?
67
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,849
Hi there, Lillian. Boy, thank you
very much for coming down,
68
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,769
but unfortunately this position
has been filled already.
69
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,229
Tell you what, though, we'll keep
your résumé on file just in case.
70
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,397
Freeze, slimeball!
71
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:35,901
- Yes, Carla?
- You letch!
72
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,403
This is the best résumé
I've ever seen.
73
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:39,863
Look at these references.
74
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,949
She's been schlepping booze for 25 years.
75
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,660
And my turn-ons include hunting dogs,
76
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,871
Thackeray and Welsh rarebit.
77
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,833
She's exactly what we need.
She's a career waitress.
78
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,960
- You are?
- Oh, that I am, Mr. Malone.
79
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,712
You see, I'm one of those
fortunate people
80
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:59,132
who felt the irresistible tug
of their true calling early in life.
81
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,426
When I was but 18,
82
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:05,055
I filled in one day for a mate
at a pub. Excuse me.
83
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,015
I realized that day
84
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:10,268
that I could have no happier
or finer destiny in store
85
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:13,814
than distributing refreshments
in a public house.
86
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:17,609
Oh, through the years I've lead
many a rugger side in a bawdy song,
87
00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:21,071
and countless times offered
my shoulder to cry on.
88
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,657
But never once
have I regretted my decision.
89
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,034
I shall consider my life well spent
90
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:29,037
if it can be honestly carved
on my gravestone,
91
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:33,250
"Lillian Huxley never kept
a thirsty man waiting for his ale,
92
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:37,462
and she always brought him
a wee bit more than a pint."
93
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,048
Bravo!
94
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,266
I'm not too sure I like her attitude.
95
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,245
Your heat control is over there.
96
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:14,791
And if you need anything,
please just call the front desk.
97
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,459
Thank you very much.
That'll be all.
98
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:22,841
And listen, 200,000 lire, that's...
99
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,676
That's about right, right?
100
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,978
Frasier, a letter from Cheers.
101
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:37,397
Oh, wait, it's not a letter...
102
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:41,234
...it's a Lillian Huxley's résumé.
103
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,947
And it's signed, "Ha-ha,
you're out of here forever."
104
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,701
Always nice to hear from Carla.
105
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,872
Diane, mi a more,
Cheers is thousands of miles away.
106
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:57,208
Why don't we just leave them
on the other side of the ocean, shall we?
107
00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:58,752
Of course.
108
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,004
- I love you.
- Et tu, Diane.
109
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:06,343
Did I just hear you say that you
tipped that bellboy 200,000 lire?
110
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,470
Yes, what is that,
about a dollar or two?
111
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,180
This inflated currency's so ridiculous.
112
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,933
I keep expecting a bum to walk
up and ask for a million lire
113
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,225
for a cup of coffee.
114
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:19,731
You tipped the man $100
to bring our bags 8 feet.
115
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:21,983
Are you sure?
116
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:26,613
Oh, well, this'll get a hearty laugh
out of the folks at the institute.
117
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:30,659
Just explain it to him.
I'm sure he'll understand.
118
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,535
What, you mean, go down there
and get it back?
119
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,537
What else, my angel?
120
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:38,625
Well, these people think
so little of Americans as it is...
121
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,628
- I'll go.
- No, no, no.
122
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,506
If I send a woman,
they'd think even less of me. I'll...
123
00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:47,550
- I'll do it.
- Oh, my brave little tourist.
124
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:48,760
Yes.
125
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,263
I guess it's time
to nip this thing in the bud.
126
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:54,599
Come in.
127
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:09,781
Jimmy will go to sleep
128
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:13,952
In his own little room again
129
00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:20,083
There'll be bluebirds over
130
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:24,921
The white cliffs of Dover
131
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,675
Tomorrow
132
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:34,681
When the world is free
133
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,937
Now let's sing
"Don't Dilly Dally on the Way."
134
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,272
No, no, no,
I'm tired of that one.
135
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,357
How about a little
"Knees Up, Mother Brown"?
136
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,608
Yeah!
137
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,819
No, no. I'm afraid
I'm too overcome.
138
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,363
All right, let's sell some beers
around here.
139
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,073
- I'll take two!
- Alrighty.
140
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:56,202
Oh, my aching back.
141
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,039
My postal career is over.
142
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:02,000
- Cliff, you look terrible.
- Yeah.
143
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,462
Oh, was today Sears catalog day?
144
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:06,921
That's right.
145
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,966
Yeah, and that's not all.
146
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,886
Spiegel catalog came out
at the same time.
147
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:16,890
Yeah, it's a phenomenon that
happens once every 27 years
148
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,226
when both marketing strategies
are in the same equinox.
149
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:23,229
Come here, you great silly sausage.
150
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,606
What? What are you...
What's going on?
151
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,900
- Now hush, pet, hush.
- Lillian, look.
152
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,693
There, fear not.
153
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:32,989
One, two, three.
154
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,957
Hey, Lillian,
thank you very much.
155
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:46,002
I feel... You know, I feel like grabbing
every woman in the joint
156
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,670
and just dancing.
157
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,381
Hey, how much to put him back
the way he was?
158
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,592
Now, Carla,
I've got customers to serve.
159
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:57,639
Well, Sammy,
Lillian's week is almost up.
160
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,809
Are you gonna be keeping her on?
I'm just dying of curiosity.
161
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:04,104
I'm big enough to admit when
I'm wrong. She's a terrific waitress.
162
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,106
The customers love her.
She's absolutely perfect.
163
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,734
Yeah, and the best part is there's no
chance of any romantic complications
164
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,986
- to screw things up.
- Oh, God. Amen!
165
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:15,490
Boy, no more sex stuff with anybody
even remotely connected with this bar.
166
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:16,491
Promise?
167
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,369
Carla, on my honor as
a great-looking human being.
168
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:22,080
Anyway, I think I have
just seen the woman
169
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,581
in whose arms I hope to die.
170
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,295
Hi there. Allow me to introduce myself.
171
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,048
I'm Sam Malone,
the next great love of your life.
172
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:34,425
I've heard you Yanks were bold.
173
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,053
Oh my good...
You know, you sound exactly like...
174
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,305
- Carolyn!
- Mummy!
175
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,933
- Sam?
- Carla...
176
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,902
Your mother never told me
she had a daughter.
177
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,698
She never told me she had
such a handsome boss.
178
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:57,907
Shucks.
179
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,244
Carolyn's visiting her old mummy
for a few days.
180
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:04,038
- Hey, Lillian, you're up here.
- Oh, excuse me, dears.
181
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,791
I must go and teach this bloke
how to play a proper game of darts.
182
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:09,669
I'll be back in
an embarrassingly short time.
183
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:17,218
So, Carolyn, how do you like Boston
now that you've seen the sight?
184
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,679
I love it.
185
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,723
- Sam, could I talk to you?
- Not now.
186
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,350
- Now.
- Carla, I'm on final approach,
187
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,644
and I've been cleared for landing.
You know what I mean?
188
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:29,689
Haul your butt over here now, sky king.
189
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,942
Will you excuse me
for a moment?
190
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,069
Yeah, what?
191
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:38,615
If you take Carolyn out,
it's gonna go bad like always,
192
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,534
and you are gonna lose
the two best waitresses you ever had.
193
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,953
- Carla, I hardly think...
- I'm warning you, Sam.
194
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,206
You go out with her and I quit.
195
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,666
- Oh, you don't mean that.
- Yeah? Try me.
196
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,585
Okay, okay, all right.
197
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,962
As far as I'm concerned,
Carolyn's off-limits.
198
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:55,006
That's your brain talking, Sam.
199
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:58,009
I would like to hear from the part
of your body that does the thinking.
200
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,597
It's in agreement too.
201
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:08,728
Boy, I'm sorry to be
such a miserable host here.
202
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:12,148
- So you're from England, huh?
- Yes.
203
00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:15,610
I'm just in the States for a few days
to shoot a layout for British Vogue.
204
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:19,322
Oh, now wait a second here. I think
that calls for a little bit of the old
205
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,283
welcome-to-the-US champagne.
On the house.
206
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,870
- Oh, great.
- Yeah, a little of the old bubbly here.
207
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,414
So you're a... You're a model, huh?
208
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,000
Yes. I do lingerie mostly.
209
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,170
You know, teddies,
merry widows, garter belts.
210
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:37,715
- This is my portfolio.
- I'll give you $1000 for it.
211
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,594
I don't know if I want
any of you to look at it.
212
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,179
I only brought it in to show Mummy.
213
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:48,017
Oh, now come on, you guys,
come on. Give her a little privacy.
214
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:49,811
Well, I suppose
it won't do any harm.
215
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,146
Well, all right, all right, here we go.
216
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,444
Oh, that's a very interesting shot.
I like that one.
217
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:02,615
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, that's nice lighting on that one.
218
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,534
Bet they used an F-stop
on that one, huh?
219
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,664
Oh, now see, I like
the composition on that one.
220
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,333
What are those? Ducks?
221
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:13,918
Yes, that's right.
222
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:20,300
I really didn't want to do
this one nude, but, you know how...
223
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:23,720
No, no. No, I think
it's very tasteful. It's...
224
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:26,264
It makes a point, I think.
225
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:27,724
Sammy, the ice.
226
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,979
Thank you very much there, Norm.
227
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:36,232
Will you just give me a second here?
I'll be right back.
228
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,363
Carla, can I speak to you
for a moment here?
229
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,699
Remember that conversation
we had a minute ago
230
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:47,285
right over there about me
not going out with Carolyn?
231
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,787
Can we just pretend that whole
thing never took place?
232
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:50,997
You bet.
233
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,124
I'll just go pack my stuff.
Nice knowing you.
234
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,585
Now... Come on, listen.
Hey, come on.
235
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,338
The lady is coming on to me.
236
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,632
If I resist, I could damage
some organs here.
237
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:06,637
I don't care.
If you go out with her, I quit.
238
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:09,182
Okay, all right, okay, all right, fine.
Fine, fine.
239
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,225
I mean, there are millions
of women on this planet.
240
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:12,685
I can certainly forgo one of them.
241
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,857
Kind of ironic though, isn't it,
that she's the most gorgeous one
242
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,318
that I've ever seen.
But, hey, that's life. That's life.
243
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,278
All right. That's all right.
244
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,655
Sam, the champagne is marvelous.
245
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,742
You certainly know how
to make a girl feel welcome.
246
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:30,828
Well, that... No, that's nothing.
I do that for everybody.
247
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,166
She's really coming on
to Sam, isn't she?
248
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,418
Sam? That's rich.
249
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:40,463
Norm, you know,
your naiveté amazes me.
250
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:42,882
What are you talking about?
251
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,676
That woman, she's doing all this
for my benefit.
252
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:49,972
Now, you notice she's talking loud
so I can hear everything?
253
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,724
You know, that woman wants me
254
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,018
more than any woman
has wanted me before.
255
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:58,189
Cliff ie, sometimes you really scare me.
256
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:09,409
Sam?
257
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,912
What about this Cape Cod place
I've been hearing about?
258
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:17,875
I hear that it's delightful and terribly
romantic at this time of year.
259
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:21,379
Oh, well, you know,
I guess it could be. Yeah.
260
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:25,258
Tell me, are there any
clothing-optional beaches there?
261
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,176
I like to get an all-over tan.
262
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:32,682
Oh, I know it's a lot
more common in Europe
263
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:36,144
than it is in America,
so I came prepared with a bikini.
264
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,813
But it's such
a skimpy little thing anyway.
265
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:40,565
Carla...
266
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:44,569
Well, I'm having a real hard time
with this map.
267
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,821
I just can't make head or tail of it.
268
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:48,990
I really don't think I'm gonna be able
to find my way there.
269
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:51,868
I'll take you.
270
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:56,289
- I'll take you. I'll take you.
- Oh, great!
271
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,082
What a lovely surprise.
272
00:15:58,916 --> 00:15:59,792
I'll take you.
273
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,505
I'll let Carla go, and I'll...
I'll take you.
274
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,593
I'll turn this into a self-serve bar,
and I'll take you.
275
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,763
- When did you have in mind?
- I'll take you right now,
276
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:15,850
right this very minute.
My car is outside.
277
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:19,187
- What the hell is going on?
- Carla, I can explain this.
278
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,564
- I'll take you.
- You make me sick.
279
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,524
I know, I know. I'll take you.
280
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,319
Hey, listen, Carla,
281
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,613
I'm a weak man.
282
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,866
Someday I will find a cure
for what I have,
283
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,076
but, please, let me have this.
284
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,329
- Oh, Sam!
- Come on.
285
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,872
Hey, come on, don't make me beg.
286
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,415
Please, don't make me beg, Carla.
287
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,375
Tell your mommy
not to make me beg, please.
288
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:42,752
Get up!
289
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:44,670
Is that a yes?
290
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,882
At least she's not Diane.
291
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,384
Look, I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what.
292
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,553
- What?
- You go tell Lillian
293
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:53,971
that you're gonna take
her daughter out,
294
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:57,141
and if she says it's okay,
I'll stick around for a while.
295
00:16:57,308 --> 00:17:00,228
Is that all? Oh, I'll do it.
I'll make you so proud of me.
296
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,979
Just... Just one more minute.
297
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:05,149
Have one more for the bed...
The beach... The road.
298
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,819
Lillian. Lillian, can I see you
in my office for a minute?
299
00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:12,114
- Certainly. Back in a jiffy, darling.
- Oh, super, Mummy.
300
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,408
Carolyn's filling out nicely,
don't you think?
301
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:21,707
Lillian, I... I got a problem here.
302
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,628
In the past, I've gotten into
trouble with my waitresses
303
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,047
by getting romantically involved
with them.
304
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,841
Now, you are a fantastic waitress.
305
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,261
I do not wanna do anything to lose you.
306
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:37,139
Don't say another word.
I understand you completely.
307
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,308
- You do?
- Of course.
308
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,018
Oh, that's... Hey, thank you.
309
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,645
Boy, I just wanted to...
310
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,188
Well, I just wanted
to get your approval first.
311
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:47,149
Oh, Sam, how can
you be so civilized...
312
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,569
...when your very blood is boiling?
313
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,908
Don't you think I haven't
been feeling the same urges?
314
00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:00,997
Don't you think I haven't felt
the same unconquerable chemistry?
315
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,666
Don't you think denying ourselves
316
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,918
hasn't been as treacherous for me
as it has for you?
317
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,757
- That is what you meant, isn't it?
- You bet.
318
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,010
No, no.
319
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:17,054
This... This whole thing just kind
of snuck up on me, that's all.
320
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:22,768
Well, I won't pretend this
hasn't happened to me before.
321
00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,771
Spend any amount of time
in a man's presence,
322
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,523
and I send out a sort of...
323
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:29,900
Well, let's face it.
324
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,778
...erotic signals.
325
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:42,204
Would you... Would you...
Would you wait here for just a minute?
326
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,248
I need to talk to Carla.
327
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,835
- Carla?
- Yeah. Carla is the person
328
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:49,170
that I usually...
329
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,047
Trust me.
330
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,967
Oh, so, Sam, are you ready to take me
down to that cape of yours?
331
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:56,719
One minute.
Just one minute more.
332
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,096
What happened?
And I already know it's bad.
333
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:00,765
No, no, no,
it's worse than you think.
334
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,642
Lillian thought that I wanted
to go out with her.
335
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,311
She's sitting in there with a case
of third-degree Sammys.
336
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,189
I knew it! I knew it!
I knew I shouldn't have given in.
337
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,982
Don't panic, will you? Just trust me.
338
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,526
I can handle this.
We need a solution.
339
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,195
I can always fall back
on the truth, I guess.
340
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:15,571
Oh, no, you can't do that.
341
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,282
If you tell her that you're
not interested now,
342
00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:20,076
she's gonna get hurt and quit.
343
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:23,204
If she gets hurt and quits,
I'll be hurt and quit.
344
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:26,415
If I get hurt and quit,
then you'll be as good as dead.
345
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,126
Oh, boy, what am I gonna do?
346
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:32,713
My mind doesn't work like this.
It's trained to get women into bed.
347
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:40,179
- What would Diane do?
- Talk till we puked.
348
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,263
Probably.
349
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,809
- I got it! I got it!
- What?
350
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,603
Lillian is smarter than us, right?
351
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:50,272
All right. You go in there and tell her,
352
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:55,277
"Lillian, we can't do this because...
Well, you know."
353
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,863
- No, I don't.
- No, Sam.
354
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,115
That's what you say.
355
00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:01,200
She'll think of something
and fill in the rest.
356
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,910
Oh, God, that's brilliant!
That's brilliant!
357
00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:04,620
How does the part go
that I say again?
358
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:08,666
- Come on.
- "We can't do this because...
359
00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,042
- Well, you know."
- No, I don't.
360
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,086
I wouldn't be asking you
to repeat it if I did.
361
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,549
Oh, right! Right, right, right, right!
362
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:18,592
Okay. That's perfect.
363
00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:22,346
Sam, my dear, you're damp.
364
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,682
It's sweat of passion.
365
00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:26,642
- Oh, Sam...
- Lillian...
366
00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:29,979
Lillian, we can't do this because...
367
00:20:32,523 --> 00:20:33,607
Well, you know.
368
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:37,361
Yes, I suppose I do.
369
00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:40,072
You do? Oh, God...
370
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:44,326
- Sam, why are you dancing?
- Well, I'm just...
371
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,370
I was relieved
that I wasn't the only one
372
00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:48,748
who knew why we couldn't do this.
373
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:53,294
No. No, I love this job.
I need this job.
374
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,546
Carla needs me so much.
375
00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:57,465
I would miss all
these wonderful people.
376
00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:00,551
Sam, we must try to preserve
377
00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:04,472
a proper working relationship
no matter what the pain.
378
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:09,685
I... But it's sad.
I mean, it's so very sad.
379
00:21:09,852 --> 00:21:11,645
Oh, buck up, Sam.
380
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:14,732
I'm sure it's all for the best.
After all, you're young
381
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:17,026
and not so schooled
in the ways of love as I.
382
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:18,944
Such a coupling could be fatal.
383
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,279
Unfortunately...
384
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:23,741
...I've already had two husbands
die in bed.
385
00:21:25,659 --> 00:21:27,870
Oh, I'm sorry. What'd they die of?
386
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,331
You child.
387
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:33,542
Really?
388
00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:37,338
Yes, they fainted.
Which all my men do.
389
00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:39,465
But they never came to.
390
00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:44,512
They fainted? And you're saying
that that's normal?
391
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:49,308
Well, I don't want to gloat,
but, yes, it has been known.
392
00:21:51,352 --> 00:21:52,603
Were these...
393
00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:55,272
Were these healthy guys to begin with?
394
00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:59,109
Well, they weren't athletes
such as yourself,
395
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:01,070
but they certainly weren't weaklings.
396
00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:02,363
And why do you ask?
397
00:22:03,781 --> 00:22:07,034
Well, I was just thinking
that maybe...
398
00:22:08,077 --> 00:22:10,120
No, no, you're right, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
399
00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:13,040
- Back to work.
- Yes, we must get back to work, Sam.
400
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:14,375
Yeah, I don't wanna...
401
00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:16,085
I don't wanna beat
this thing to death here...
402
00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:21,298
...but when these guys went, were they...
Were they, like, smiling?
403
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:24,760
Ear to ear.
404
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:27,471
And that was the grumpy one.
405
00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:31,350
I'll be darned.
406
00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:35,312
So, what happened?
407
00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:38,858
Everything's okay. I guess.
408
00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:42,278
Sam, are we ever gonna
get to this cape?
409
00:22:45,406 --> 00:22:47,241
Right. Yes, right, right, right, right.
410
00:22:47,408 --> 00:22:49,702
Oh, so you're going to take
my daughter sightseeing?
411
00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:52,454
Well, only if it's okay with you.
412
00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:54,707
I think it's an absolutely wonderful idea.
413
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:56,083
Well. Well, all right.
414
00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:03,382
And besides, it will take your
mind off what you really want.
415
00:23:04,425 --> 00:23:05,926
Yeah, maybe. Maybe.
416
00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:10,806
Well, Carolyn, it's just you and me
off to the famous cape.
417
00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:12,558
Here we go.
418
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:17,438
Do you mind if I ask you
kind of a personal question here?
419
00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:19,148
What's that?
420
00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:22,902
Can you tell me,
how did your father die?
421
00:23:25,195 --> 00:23:27,072
Well, the coroner said
it was a heart attack.
422
00:23:28,157 --> 00:23:30,659
But we all know it was Mummy's
passion that killed him.
423
00:23:35,039 --> 00:23:37,499
Well, that's... That's... That's tragic.
424
00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:39,209
Yes.
425
00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:42,004
I suppose that's why I hate sex so.
426
00:23:44,882 --> 00:23:47,009
The very idea gives me the chills.
427
00:23:48,302 --> 00:23:49,762
Well, let's go.
428
00:23:55,225 --> 00:23:57,353
But didn't... Didn't you...
Weren't you...
429
00:23:57,519 --> 00:23:58,437
Weren't we...