1 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,963 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,008 - Morning, Sammy. - Norm! 3 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:09,968 What brings you in this time of day? 4 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,345 Same thing that always does. 5 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:15,432 - A little early for a beer, isn't it? - So float a cornflake in it. 6 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,811 Beer it is. 7 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,732 Seriously, how come you're here this early? 8 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:27,486 My supervisor got sick, had to go home early. 9 00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,404 So he left me in charge of the office. 10 00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:33,575 So I closed it. 11 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:38,288 Hey, you know, thought I'd stop by here, have a few beers 12 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,207 and figure out what to do with the day. 13 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:44,670 After all, I have 24 golden hours to spend on Norm Peterson. 14 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,214 - Any suggestions? - If it was me, 15 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,049 I'd be out there sailing. 16 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,927 Perfect weather, waters won't be crowded. 17 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:55,597 Yeah. I get seasick, though. I don't know. 18 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,767 Well, you can always go to the driving range 19 00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:00,477 and work on your slice. 20 00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,729 No, I don't have my clubs with me. 21 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:07,734 Well, how about checking out that gym you've been putting off joining? 22 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,486 I'm not in the mood for sweat, you know? 23 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,324 Well, now let's see, you could set up that workshop in your garage. 24 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,452 I'd have to clean it all out first. It's a mess. 25 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,122 Well, Norm, you... You could sit here all day 26 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:22,207 shooting down my ideas and drinking beer. 27 00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:27,337 Wait a minute! I think we're on to something here, huh? 28 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,047 What do you say, put a head on this thing 29 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,549 and let's hear some more suggestions. 30 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,051 Well, all right, let's see, how about skydiving? 31 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:34,553 No, mess up my hair. 32 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,548 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 33 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:58,845 Whoa, there's a lovely young thing, huh? 34 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,890 Perhaps I should just go make my move, huh? 35 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,393 Yeah, go ahead and faint. 36 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,938 Yeah, all right. Look, 37 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,898 some of you people have gotten the impression 38 00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:12,609 that I'm a little inexperienced in the ways of love. 39 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:14,903 I mean, how many women do I have to conquer 40 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,656 to forever lay to rest this misconception, huh? 41 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:18,865 One. 42 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,869 All right. All right, I wasn't gonna do this, 43 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,289 but look what I got in the mail this morning. 44 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:30,210 - Normie, what does that say? - "inflatable Surprises Catalog." 45 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:34,047 Yeah, my mother sent away for it, all right? 46 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,757 She likes to play tricks on the cat. 47 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,802 No, that's the one I was looking for. 48 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,470 Go ahead, what's the name on there? 49 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:44,057 - 'Lanette Cahill." - "The Orange Blossom Motel." 50 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,934 Whoa, Cliff ie, who's this? 51 00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:49,020 Well, just some damsel down in Florida 52 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:52,482 who I had a doomed but delightful affair with while visiting. 53 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,528 Poor thing. She just keeps begging me to come back to her. 54 00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:59,281 Clavin, we're not falling for any of this. 55 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,408 Come on, why... Why don't you guys believe that Cliff 56 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,577 - had a little affair in Florida? - What? 57 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:04,911 I believe him. 58 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:08,331 I mean, she could have been drunk, blind, 59 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,708 just out prison, you know. 60 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,837 - Thank you, Norm. - Carla, you got a customer over here. 61 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,464 Oh, yeah? Thanks. 62 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,678 Carla? 63 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:25,265 Honey, what is it? Is it the baby? 64 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,517 The baby. Hot water, Sam. Boiling water. 65 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,269 - What's going on? - What? Come here, honey. 66 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,604 What happened? 67 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,567 - It's her. It's the evil one. - Where? What? 68 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,027 Over there at table five. 69 00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,698 Oh, the little old lady? 70 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:45,118 Drusilla Dimeglio. 71 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:50,373 She was the principal of St. Clete's School for Wayward Girls. 72 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,044 And we all hated her guts. 73 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:57,255 She used to do these mean, spiteful things to us. 74 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:58,590 Oh, I swore vengeance on her, 75 00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:01,092 but she retired before I could do anything. 76 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,845 Now, 20 years later, there she is. 77 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,473 If it's been 20 years, how... Are you sure it's her? 78 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,100 Well, there's one way to make absolutely sure it's her. 79 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:13,271 She has my teeth mark on her left ankle. 80 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,942 - Go check it out, Sam. - Okay, all right. 81 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:23,114 - What am I going for? - Well, I can't do it. 82 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:25,617 I mean, she'll recognize me, and then I'll lose her. 83 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,619 Come on, Sammy, you gotta do this for me. Please! 84 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:30,372 I will, I will, I will. But why don't I go over and ask her name? 85 00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,833 No! That would arouse suspicion. 86 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,709 Crawl over there and look at her ankle. 87 00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,672 Much better. No, I am not going anywhere. 88 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,258 - Go wait on her yourself! - All right, I will. 89 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,760 You all just watch and see what happens 90 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,679 - when she gets a look at me. - Hey... 91 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,320 What'll you have? 92 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,408 I'll have gin and grapefruit juice. 93 00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:11,955 Oh, Sam! 94 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:17,836 She doesn't recognize me. And that means 95 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:21,548 that I can take my time and work out my plan for revenge. 96 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,550 So she did have a mark on her ankle? 97 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,760 Mark, "schmark." it must have healed. 98 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:28,430 I'm gonna think of something slow and hideous. 99 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,265 You know, I have a suggestion for you, Carla. 100 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:31,558 - What? - Do nothing. 101 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:32,851 With the body? 102 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:37,188 No! No, I'm telling you to turn the other cheek. 103 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:40,191 Oh, Sammy, mooning her isn't enough. I wanna hurt her. 104 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:49,618 Sam, we haven't had any heat for hours. I'm freezing. 105 00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:52,037 You're the bartender. What can you recommend for me 106 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,538 that's nice and hot? 107 00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,040 Speaking. 108 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:03,465 Must you inject sex into even the simplest of conversations? 109 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,175 Well, I didn't want you to go completely without it 110 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,635 while you were in Europe. 111 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,848 I want for nothing in Europe. 112 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,642 And I'm sure that's what you're getting. 113 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:17,187 You know what I mean. 114 00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:21,441 In fact, I think I see my shushing hunk 115 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,653 skiing down the mountain right now. 116 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,529 Yes, that's Frasier. 117 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,659 He's able to ski right down to the back door of our chalet. 118 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,620 Sam, listen, I have to go. I'll call you right back, okay? 119 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,875 - Bravo! - Bravo! 120 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,336 Thank you. Thank you, good people of the Alps. 121 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:43,964 Bravo, bravo! 122 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,548 Thank you. Give me a minute here. 123 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,759 Hey, that's quite a hill, isn't it? 124 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:54,057 Oh, you were magnificent! Magnificent! 125 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,226 That was exhilarating. 126 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,356 It worries me, though, these risks you're taking. 127 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:04,776 Oh, Diane, you know, some men live their lives avoiding danger. 128 00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,903 Frasier W. Crane seeks it. 129 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,699 Oh, Frasier, here, let me put these away for you 130 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,909 so we can both get off our feet. 131 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:22,127 Now, you just relax and make yourself comfortable. 132 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,422 Tonight is your night. 133 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,299 That's the spirit. 134 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,385 The capper of all time was 135 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,680 when we glued Sister Scholastica's face to the radiator. 136 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,558 Who could forget the "frying nun"? 137 00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:39,978 Oh, God, those were the good old days. 138 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,313 - Life was simple then. - Yeah. 139 00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:46,651 By the way, you two started packing it away at lunch 140 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,069 when I said I was paying. 141 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,238 Hey, me and the kid over here were just trying to keep up 142 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,323 with Kathy and her quadruplets. 143 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,535 Oh, please, don't even say it. I've already got six more than I can handle. 144 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:59,539 - No, you have only five kids. - I'm including my husband, Al. 145 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,125 Who, if he touches me again, is dead. 146 00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:07,047 Four mugs and a pitcher for me and my pals from St. Clete's. 147 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:10,341 You know something? I envy all of you. 148 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:14,345 Sure, I'm the one with the education, the money and the great career, 149 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:17,807 but I'd trade my electrolysis license in for a family. 150 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,893 Mine's available. 151 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:24,981 By the way, I can get rid of that little Fu Manchu you're starting there. 152 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,233 - It's not so bad. - Oh, yeah. 153 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,528 Oh, my, the man of my dreams. 154 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,447 Sorry, Sammy. I can't take them anywhere. 155 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:36,326 It's all right. Four beers for the lynch mob. 156 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:37,702 Hey! 157 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:41,623 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your wonderful little surprise there. 158 00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:44,417 Don't go away. Don't go away! 159 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:48,129 So, Casanova, gotten any new letters from your Florida conquest? 160 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:52,258 Well, as a matter of fact, I did receive one today. 161 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:56,304 Yeah, each one gets more heart-rendering than the last. 162 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:59,891 This one, she tells me she'd give it all up just for my kiss. 163 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,476 She must mean her lunch. 164 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,814 - All right, wise guy... - Come on, come on, Cliff ie. 165 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,358 - Let's go shoot some pool. - Yeah, that's a good idea, Normie. 166 00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,235 You guys are just lucky 167 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:14,072 that I used up all my aggressive male hormones with frequent sex. 168 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,661 - Hey! - Hey, Rox! 169 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,747 Okay, Carla, we're all here. 170 00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:25,083 Now you can tell us what this is all about. 171 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,378 Well, ladies, I am really glad you're all sitting down, 172 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,713 because you are not gonna believe this. 173 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,799 I didn't believe it myself. 174 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,927 I found... 175 00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,429 ...Dimeglio. 176 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:44,144 Dimeglio? You mean our principal from St. Clete's? 177 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,020 Oh, I heard she passed away. 178 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,189 Hell wouldn't take her. 179 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,777 She comes into this bar every night at 7:00, 180 00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:55,488 sits at this table and has a gin and grapefruit. 181 00:10:55,655 --> 00:11:00,368 And she will be here again tonight. 182 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:01,578 So what? 183 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,454 So what? 184 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,790 This is our chance to get her, 185 00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:08,751 to pay her back for all those lousy things she did to us. 186 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:13,006 Carla, that was 20 years ago. We were just girls. 187 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:16,426 But we took an oath that we'd get her. Don't you remember? 188 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,429 She's coming. All right, get behind the bar! 189 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:22,974 - Carla, come on. - Get behind the bar! Come on! 190 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,727 Jeez, don't worry about it! All the old hate's gonna come back 191 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:29,105 as soon as you get a look at her. Just go ahead, come on, hurry up! 192 00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:32,233 - Hey, ladies... - Get down! Come on! 193 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:36,779 - Oh, hi. - Hello. 194 00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,948 Would you mind taking this table, because this one's taken. 195 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,241 Sure, yeah. 196 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:42,994 So, what are you gonna have? 197 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,413 Oh, I'll have a gin and grapefruit juice. 198 00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,832 - One gin and grapefruit. - Coming up. 199 00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:55,965 He liked your order. And I'm gonna get it. 200 00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:01,971 Now, what do you think? 201 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:10,063 Carla, that... That's not her. She was a lot... A lot taller. 202 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,191 She wasn't tall. We were shorter. 203 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:17,028 I don't think so either. She was two times as big as that. 204 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,822 So what? So she lost a little weight. 205 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,741 She's wearing contacts instead of glasses. 206 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,284 That's her. I swear it. 207 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,704 It's been a long time, but I don't think it's her either. 208 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,374 - What if it is, who cares? - Get down! 209 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:33,461 I care. All right, if you don't wanna help me, 210 00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:34,837 I'll get her without you. 211 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:38,258 - Fine. I don't want any part of it. - Go ahead, desert me! 212 00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,510 Just stay down there, because I don't want her to see you. 213 00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:41,928 You'll ruin everything. 214 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,264 What are we supposed to do back here until she leaves? 215 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,557 Find some way of amusing yourselves, okay? 216 00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:48,309 Okay. 217 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,939 No! Jeez! No, don't do that! 218 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,950 No, it's been crazy around here. Carla's been moping around all night 219 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,577 because none of her old school chums will back her up on this, 220 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:09,580 and you know Carla. She's got so much anger bottled up, 221 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,124 I'm afraid she's gonna hurt someone. 222 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,293 And without you here, I'm next in line. 223 00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:18,006 Oh, Sam, it would never come to that. 224 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:23,886 Carla has a means of dealing with anger that's very effective. 225 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,806 She vents it constantly in small doses 226 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:30,393 to prevent a buildup that might erupt in violence. 227 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:34,772 It's a technique that many hot-tempered, uneducated people 228 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:38,443 evolve instinctively. And though it's rather primitive, 229 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:41,446 it is nearly as effective as more sophisticated techniques 230 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:45,658 cultivated and employed by better-educated people 231 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,994 with gentler tempers... Stop that, damn it! 232 00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:55,251 Please, darling, just until I'm finished. 233 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,338 Certainly, dearest heart. 234 00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,633 Thank you, love of my life. 235 00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:09,515 Sam, I'm sorry. What were we--? What was I saying? 236 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,684 You don't know either? 237 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,147 Boy, we... We gotta have a rule around here. 238 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,691 When you speak, at least one of us has gotta be listening. 239 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:23,112 - Give my best to Frasier. Bye-bye. - Bye. 240 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:27,825 Well, may I proceed with my labor, 241 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:31,412 or would my precious like to perform the onerous task 242 00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,164 of getting some heat in this place? 243 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:37,835 No, no, please finish, my reason for living. 244 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,604 You spoiled, little, conniving... 245 00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,359 ...treasure. 246 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,280 Two beers, please, Sammy. 247 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:08,491 One for me and one for my buddy Cliff. 248 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,786 You recall Cliff, the fella who's in the john without this. 249 00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:17,333 The latest letter from his Florida flame, huh? 250 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,252 It fell out of his pocket while we were shooting pool. 251 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,380 Wow, what a shame. You know, we should get that back to him 252 00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:26,175 - as soon as possible. - Yes, and indeed we will, Sammy, 253 00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:29,679 but just as soon as he gets out here, you know. 254 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:31,848 In the meantime, I think it's imperative 255 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:35,768 - that we hold the letter thusly. - Why is that? 256 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,271 Well, because if you were to hold it the other way, 257 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:41,149 say, like so, it's an accident waiting to happen. 258 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:43,568 Witness! 259 00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,530 You know, I think we got a problem here. 260 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:51,284 The trick is gonna be to get that letter in this envelope 261 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,577 without reading it. 262 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,330 - Well, I'm game. - Yeah, why don't you? 263 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,296 - It no longer fits, Sam. - No, no. 264 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,507 Gonna have to read this. 265 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,971 "Dear Mr. Clavin, this letter's the last one I will send to you. 266 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:15,308 If you don't respond, I will turn the entire matter over to my attorney. 267 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,478 I will wait one week for you to pay for or return 268 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,355 the motel towels, ashtrays, light bulbs... 269 00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,401 ...doorknobs and shower-curtain assembly, 270 00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:30,072 including rod, missing from your room. Lanette Cahill." 271 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,825 Oh, jeez, the poor guy. 272 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,827 I was hoping he wasn't blowing hot air this time. 273 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,454 Interesting reading? 274 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:42,752 - I'm... I'm sorry. - I'm more sorry. 275 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,379 - Hey, guys, Norm has the letter. - The letter? 276 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,757 Hey, Steve, Larry, Norm has the letter! 277 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,342 All right, just knock it off. It's... 278 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,844 So, Normie, is it as hot as Cliff says? 279 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,930 Come on, let's read it, huh? We're not minors here. 280 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,973 Norm! Norm, I'm warning you! 281 00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:59,143 No, no. "My... My dearest Cliff..." 282 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,980 Well, if you must. 283 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:10,029 "I want you, I want you... 284 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,156 ...I want you. 285 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,619 You are burning in my heart like..." 286 00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:18,579 Like? 287 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,666 I can't make this out. Can you, Sam? 288 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:22,959 It's... 289 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,544 - ..."volcano." - "Volcano." 290 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,671 "Volcano," right. 291 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,092 "I think of you at night when I go to bed 292 00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:33,302 and in the morning when I wake up. 293 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:37,473 And I dream about you in between, when I'm sleeping. 294 00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,478 - Admittedly, when most people dream." - It's true. 295 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,691 "You're quite a man, all right, and that's for darned sure. 296 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:52,238 And you satisfy every hunger 297 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,490 that I have as a woman. 298 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:57,994 Respectfully yours... 299 00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:01,789 ...Lanette Cahill." 300 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:05,167 Norm, Norm, Norm, read them the PS there 301 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,421 where she talks about my sexual prowess in detail. 302 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:13,259 - Can't quite make that part out, Cliff ie. - Come on, Norm. 303 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,927 That's all right. I'll help you out there. 304 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,762 This word here is "gargantuan." 305 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:20,224 All right, I think they've all seen quite enough. 306 00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:23,394 - Yeah, what the heck? - I didn't realize you were that good. 307 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,938 - Good night, you guys. - God bless, you guys. 308 00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,277 - Well... - Yeah. 309 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,737 - Normie. - Yeah. 310 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:35,197 I don't know how to thank you for this one. 311 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,950 I'm just sorry I opened it in the first place. 312 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,285 Well... 313 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,078 Come on, I'll buy you a burger, huh? 314 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,663 - Listen. - Good night, you guys. 315 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:43,873 Good night, Sammy. 316 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,375 There's one way you could make it up to me if you want. 317 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:47,585 Yeah, what's that? 318 00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:50,838 Read me the letter again. You know, the spicy parts. 319 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:55,635 "My dearest Cliff ie, I want you, I want you." 320 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,195 You okay? 321 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,448 I just can't believe they didn't recognize her, Sammy. 322 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:21,118 I mean, I didn't think anybody would ever be able to forget that woman. 323 00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:23,954 Well, you're gonna have to face facts here, Carla. 324 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,207 Nobody recognized her because that's not the woman. 325 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,084 - Oh, but, Sammy... - Carla, come on. 326 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,419 She didn't have any scars on her ankles. 327 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,004 Well, that doesn't mean anything. 328 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,965 A lot of criminals have their ankles altered. 329 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:39,011 - So they can wear Bermuda shorts. - Hey, you're ranting, you know that? 330 00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:41,722 Really, you... You're sounding irrational. 331 00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:43,349 You're beginning to scare me. 332 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,811 I think you have to take a serious look at yourself here, Carla. 333 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,107 Yeah, maybe you're right. 334 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,402 What were you gonna do if it had been her? 335 00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:57,571 Well... 336 00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:03,035 ...I had this storybook fantasy when I was a little girl 337 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:07,832 about someday coming up behind her and shaving her head. 338 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,794 Well, I'm glad it turned out to be somebody else. 339 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,255 - For everybody's sake. - I guess. 340 00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,298 Oh, boy, look at that, will you? 341 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,051 - What? - I'm late. 342 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,386 - Oh, you got a date? - Yeah. 343 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,555 Well, I know you don't like to keep them waiting. 344 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,473 Go ahead. I'll clean up. 345 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:28,310 Oh, thank you, Carla. I thank you, and Debbie thanks you. 346 00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:32,732 I think you're going out with Janet tonight, bean brain. 347 00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,401 Well, then Janet really thanks you. 348 00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,124 I wanted her as much as you did. 349 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:57,381 - Oh, good. Someone's here. - It's her. 350 00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,011 - Can I help you? - I think I dropped my wallet 351 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,930 - here somewhere and... - Well, let me find it for you. 352 00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:09,059 - I got it! - Oh, thank you! 353 00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:10,603 Not so fast. 354 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:14,440 I have to be absolutely sure about this, you know. 355 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:19,153 - What's your name? - Drusilla Dimeglio. 356 00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,323 Drusilla Dimeglio. 357 00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:27,411 Oh, thank you. 358 00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:31,165 Do you believe in fate, Drusilla Dimeglio? 359 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:35,753 Well, I never thought about it. 360 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:40,633 Well, why don't you sit down, and we'll have a little talk about it? 361 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,718 I think you'll find it interesting. 362 00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:48,349 - Well, I'm kind of in a hurry. - One chair. No waiting. 363 00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:08,452 Who's back there? 364 00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:11,747 - Hey, Sam, is that you? - Carla? 365 00:22:12,373 --> 00:22:14,291 What... Hey, what's going on? I was driving by 366 00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:16,418 and saw the lights still on. Weren't you gonna close up? 367 00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:18,587 - Sammy, you're not gonna believe this. - What? 368 00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:19,588 After you left, 369 00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:22,800 I was sitting here all by myself, and guess who should walk in. 370 00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:24,301 Drusie. 371 00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:29,139 - Drusie? - Yeah, Drusilla Dimeglio. 372 00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:33,102 Carla, bring me another beer, will you? 373 00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:34,603 Coming up, Drus. 374 00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:37,523 - She's back there right now? - Yeah. 375 00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:40,651 We've been playing pool all night. We're tight, Sammy. 376 00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:43,737 Wait, so it is her? 377 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:47,157 Oh, yeah. It's her, all right. But you know something, Sam? 378 00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:50,286 After I told her how much I hated her, 379 00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:53,747 she explained to me why she was always so tough on me and everything. 380 00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,709 She was just doing her job. And maybe I'm a better person for it. 381 00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:58,878 Anyway, we're pals now. 382 00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:03,382 I can't... I can't believe this. I'm so proud of you. 383 00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,384 - Boy, this is a turning point. - Yeah. 384 00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:06,635 You know, maybe we've seen the last 385 00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:09,722 of that Tasmanian devil of a waitress, huh? 386 00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:12,266 Hey, Carla, bring some more pretzels too, huh? 387 00:23:12,433 --> 00:23:14,184 All right, right away. 388 00:23:16,645 --> 00:23:19,440 I can't believe that's the same woman whose head you were about to shave. 389 00:23:19,607 --> 00:23:21,942 Yeah, I almost went through with it too. 390 00:23:22,443 --> 00:23:25,654 I mean, I came that close. And I could've done it easy, Sammy. 391 00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:28,365 I mean, she's not as young as she used to be. 392 00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:31,285 But I stopped. 393 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,247 God was testing me, Sam, and I passed. 394 00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:38,918 Oh, hello there. Come on, Carla, it's your turn. 395 00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:40,419 Yeah, I'll be right with you. 396 00:23:45,466 --> 00:23:49,511 I didn't say I got an A, Sammy. I just said I passed. 397 00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:52,389 Rack them up!