Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.
Say, aren't you Ernie Pantusso?
- Are you talking to me, sir? - Yeah.
Yes, I am.
Well, I'll be damned.
Do you remember me?
Gee, no. I'm sorry, I don't.
- Let me give you a hint. - I like hints.
Shortstop.
Topeka, 1947.
My nickname was "Fancy Dan."
Joe Pitney!
No, Ernie.
I'm Dan Corelli.
Danny Corelli! My God, am I happy to see you!
Hey, everybody, listen up.
This is one of the most amazing men in the world.
One of the most amazing men that ever stepped
into a baseball diamond.
He was a great ballplayer. I know. I played against him.
But, listen, the man is totally blind!
Ernie, I'm not blind, and I never was.
Come on, Corelli, don't be modest.
You were a legend.
You were an absolute legend.
The whole league talked about the blind man
who played shortstop for Topeka.
Ernie, you're all confused.
They called me 'the Blind Man" because I sold venetian blinds
door-to-door during the off-season.
My God, how did he find the doorbell?
Now, is that an inspirational story or not, huh?
And they didn't buy your product out of pity, now,
I'm telling you, Corelli.
Hey, I'll see you later.
Corelli, watch it. The steps there, please!
Coach...
...I think he can see as well as we can.
Carla, in some ways, he can see more.
Well, thanks a lot for the hot tip, there, Peterson.
What are you talking about, Cliff?
You gave me the number of Vera's cousin, Natalie.
Said she'd go out with me.
I didn't say she'd go out with you. I said she'd go out with anyone.
Well, you're wrong. I just gave her a call and she shot me down.
It just doesn't make any sense. Vera said this woman was desperate.
What did you...? What did you say to her?
I just said hello, you know,
did my little icebreaker joke, and asked her out.
All right, Cliff ie, what was your little icebreaker joke?
A cute little pervert imitation I do.
- What? - Not pervert, you know.
It's just more like an obscene phone call.
You know, heavy breathing and all? Oh, Ma roars at it.
- "Hello, Natalie.' - Oh, no.
"What are you wearing?
You wanna know what I'm...?"
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.
Tomorrow, you're all gonna be using it.
Everyone on the faculty raves about this place.
They say the chef, Luigi, is a genius.
I'm so glad I was able to get us a reservation.
I want tonight to be perfect.
I have a feeling it will be.
I'm gonna start by getting the best table in the place.
I don't care how many palms I have to cross.
- Crane, party of two. - Crane?
Crane? Crane. Crane.
Ah, Crane.
Signora, please, this way.
Listen, I'd like the finest table you have.
Something quiet near the...
Any place is fine.
If the food is so good, why is the place empty?
I don't know.
Welcome to Luigi's.
Our world-renowned chef, Luigi, would like to welcome you personally,
but he's dead.
We buried him this morning.
Is this table satisfactory?
You buried him this morning and you're open for business?
Yes, it was one of Luigi's last wishes.
Would it be easier on you if we left?
No, no, no.
The...
...new man is a very fine cook.
He study under L...
The world's greatest chef.
Stay. Stay.
Well, we're very hungry.
Can you recommend an appetizer?
Yes. The calamari ALLA Luigi...
...is very good.
Well, we'll have an order of that,
and a bottle of your best Chianti.
Boy, can I show a girl a good time or what, huh?
Frasier, don't feel bad. It's not your fault.
Oh, I don't know, Diane.
It just seems the harder I try to please you, the more I mess up.
I wanted tonight to be perfect so that I could ask you to marry me.
Oh, how you talk!
Well, Dr. Marino helped me make the arrangements
for us to be married tomorrow at his parents' estate in Florence.
You're serious.
Well, Diane, this trip has put us to the test.
I've seen you at your best and your worst.
I didn't think your worst was all that bad,
especially when it was only in small doses.
The more I know you...
...the more I want you.
Will you marry me tomorrow and make me the happiest man in the world?
Oh, Frasier, I'm so nervous.
I didn't have the slightest indication this was coming.
Well, of course, my...
Look what I've done. May I have your napkin, please?
I'll... I'll be right back.
Pretty fancy answering machine you got there, Sam.
Deluxe model, top of the line.
I hate answering machines. I never know what to say to them.
Gee, and you're such a whiz with people.
You know, Sammy, I know you think it's a convenience of sorts,
but it's a poor substitute for a human being,
and I think you ought to trash it.
Are you kidding? This is an expensive machine.
Talking about Carla.
Like to see her top that one, huh?
Touché.
Sammy, I'm not much for these things.
Why do you need one, anyway?
Well, I've been missing a lot of my calls lately.
People have been screwing up my messages.
Hey, I resent that. We always get your messages right.
What do you think, we're too stupid to answer a phone, take a message?
- Well, no, I didn't... I didn't... - it hurts, Sam.
Yeah.
Well, I'm sorry, but I still think
it would be better if we had a machine.
Does anyone know how to record on this little devil?
Yeah, you press that little red button. There you go.
Just talk right into the machine there. Keep it simple.
Just tell them to leave their names and their phone numbers.
I'll make jungle noises in the background.
Okay, all right.
Quiet. Quiet for a second here, everybody.
Hi, this is Sam Malone.
Suckered you in. I'm not here. How do you like talking to a machine?
At the sound of the beep, please leave your name, number,
and something that'll get me hot.
- I hope that was for your private line. - Are you kidding?
I wouldn't waste a bon mot like that on business stuff.
Would someone get that for me, please?
Oh, well, gee, I'll try.
Hello?
- Hey, wanna help me, guys? - Oh, yeah.
- Hello? - Hello?
- Come in, Flash Gordon. - Cheers.
- Hello. It's me. - Oh, hold on here a second.
Hey there.
You been dreaming about me again? Just had to call, huh?
Actually, I was calling to talk to everyone.
Chat a little.
Tell you how nice the weather's been.
How romantic Europe has been.
Oh, yes, it's been very romantic.
The kind of place that makes a man lose his head
and propose to a gal on a night such as this.
So who do you wanna speak to next?
I'm talking about Frasier, Sam.
He had a couple of sips of Chianti tonight
and asked me to marry him.
Did you say a couple of sips or barrels?
I knew you'd be this way.
No, no. I'm not being any way here.
So, what did you tell him?
I haven't told him anything yet.
I'm just basking in the moment.
I see.
So, what's the problem?
You always told me you and Frasier are such a perfect match.
There's no problem.
Tell everyone that I'll call after the wedding tomorrow.
Tomorrow? What's the rush?
Frasier has thoughtfully and romantically
arranged for us to be married at the Marino estate.
It's somewhat of a landmark.
One of the most beautiful estates in Florence.
So are you gonna say yes?
You think I should say something else?
No.
No, you don't think I should say something else,
or no, you think I should say no?
Yes.
Yes, you think I should say yes, or yes, I should say something else?
Diane...
...congratulations. I'm... I'm very happy for you.
I see. Well, if you have nothing more to say,
I'd better be getting back to Frasier.
I understand. You probably wanna accept before he sobers up.
- Goodbye! - Bye-bye.
What's wrong, Sam?
Diane is gonna marry Frasier tomorrow afternoon in Florence.
Oh, Sam, free at last!
Hey, Carla, how about a little sensitivity?
Can't you see the man's broken up here?
No, Diane says she's in love with Frasier
and wants to marry him,
well, then I'm happy for her. She got what she wanted.
Maybe not. Maybe she called so you could talk her out of marrying him.
No, she wanted to gloat.
I think Normie's right here.
I think she wanted you to tell her that you cared for her.
You bet she did, so that she could laugh in my face,
but I didn't fall for her little trick, so I get to laugh in her face.
Hear me? I'm laughing.
The man is a rock.
From the neck up.
Oh, hello, Diane. I was just ordering the chef's special.
Well, what took you so long?
Oh, Frasier, I was...
I was overwhelmed. I needed a little time to myself.
Now I know what my answer was all along.
Yes, I'll marry you.
Diane, you've made me so happy.
Finally, something on this trip has gone right.
- Tonight is perfect. - Yes, it is.
I'm sorry, but we try to stay open,
but the people in the kitchen can't go on.
They're not taking Luigi's death as well as I am.
We...
Please, accept our apologies.
Here is the bill.
The bill? For what?
Sir...
...I'm not interested in squabbling with you on this night.
Here.
Are you satisfied?
Go back to Pittsburgh, USA.
Keep your money for your cowboy boots and missiles.
This place is overrated!
E lei, Frasier Crane...
I do.
E lei, Diane Chambers...
- Diane! - I...
Diane! Don't do this!
What the hell... Oh, excuse me, Father.
Sam, what on earth are you doing here?
Why are you marrying Frasier?
- I love him, of course. - No, no, no.
No. No, look me in the eye.
Now say that.
I can't.
You love me. Admit it.
- Now, look here, Sam... - I'm sorry, Frasier,
but Diane and I belong together.
I know it's nuts, but we both know it's true.
Oh, Sam, you're right.
I can't keep playing it safe.
I don't care if I get hurt. I have to admit it. I love you.
I've always loved you and I always will.
Frasier, will you forgive me?
You know I will.
I guess I always knew you two would end up together.
You're a good man, Frasier.
Well, I try.
A dear, sweet, lovely man.
Be happy, Diane.
Well, Sam, I'm all yours.
Come on. Let's go show Europe what romance means.
Oh, Sam.
It's not going to be like before.
I'll make you happier than you ever thought possible.
I'll respect you and accept you for what you are
and I won't complain or argue or be jealous
and I'll stop thinking the life out of everything.
I'll do all I can to make sure you enjoy life to the fullest,
and if that means letting you date other women
while I remain faithful to you, so be it.
Your love is worth the price.
I think this is gonna work this time.
Sam? Sam?
Sam!
I'm sorry. I guess my mind was somewhere else.
Well, sorry to disturb you, Sammy,
but if we don't start getting some beers to this crowd, they're gonna turn ugly.
Too late.
Say, does anyone know how long it takes to get to Italy from here?
Okay, nobody panic!
You can make it from here to Italy in eight hours, 37 minutes, 22 seconds.
- With a good tail wind. - Seriously?
Well, unless you take the polar route, in which case,
you run into those convex currents created by the aurora borealis.
You're a roaring bore-ealis.
Would you get hold of yourself, Sam? You're really losing it.
- You have a travel agent, don't you? - Oh, yeah, terrific. Cathy.
Yeah, get her on the phone.
Find out if I can get onto a plane tonight to Florence.
- Bingo. - What are you doing?
Can't you see this is a twisted cry for help?
Sammy, I'm here for you.
Will you knock it off? I'm not saying that I'm going.
I just wanna find out if I can, that's all.
I don't get it, Sammy. Why Diane?
Why not arsenic or strychnine?
Let me see if I'm following all this.
Now, Carla, you think that Diane is bad for Sam.
Oh, boy. This is the craziest thing I've ever considered.
Well, you think I should go through with this?
I think that you and Diane are lovely, special people, Sam.
Alone. Separately, you know?
Individually.
Together, frankly, you stink.
To the casual observer,
your running off to Italy would have to seem stupid beyond reason.
- I'm going. - Well, that's what I'd do.
But, Sam, she's gonna try to change you.
You can't be something that you're not.
You're a hound.
You were born a hound. You'll always be a hound.
You live for the hunt.
People change. Hounds can change.
Oh, yeah, thank you, Cathy.
Sammy, there's a flight leaving in 45 minutes,
a 747 wide-body, flight eight-niner-three,
Captain Omar Wilkins. Good man.
Movie is Blame It on Rio, edited for in-flight viewing,
and I recommend the chicken Diablo.
- Thank you. - Roger, wilco.
- I guess I'm out of here, man. - I'm glad.
Look at that pretty girl over there by the phone.
You looked. You know why you looked?
Because you told me to look.
Oh, no. I'm telling you not to go, you're not listening to that.
You looked because you're Sammy.
I don't wanna lose that guy.
I like him a lot.
You're not gonna lose him, Carla. I promise.
Listen, I gotta do this.
It's not for me. It's not for Diane.
It's for Frasier.
I mean, nobody deserves to be married to that woman.
No, I'm not saying I'm gonna marry her. I just...
I can't... I can't let her make this kind of mistake.
Sammy, liftoff's at 040 and counting, eh?
I'll call you from Florence.
Boy, hey, huh? Talk about romantic.
If I was a woman, I'd be crying.
What would you do if you were a man?
I suppose it's always possible
that Diane's gonna go ahead and marry Frasier anyway.
Not a chance. Come on.
No woman's gonna turn down a man like Sammy
who flew across the ocean for her.
Yeah, well, a toast to Sammy,
somewhere high over the Atlantic.
Or, if he's lucky, in it.
The operator's putting through the call.
Say, you know, Diane, even if you do get your mother,
she wouldn't be able to be in Florence in time for the wedding this afternoon.
She'd have to be in the air already.
Well, I know. I just wanna tell her we're getting married.
Oh, Frasier, look at that peasant woman
standing over by that old olive tree.
Wouldn't that make a beautiful picture?
The essence of Italy.
Give your mother my love.
Please, Sam...
...for once in your life, have done the right thing.
Don't be at Cheers. Be on a plane.
No, as far as I know, Paul Revere never went to Florida.
But...
Let me get it.
No, it's Sam's private line. The machine's gonna pick up.
Hi, this is Sam Malone.
Frasier...
...I've been thinking, we're so far from Florence,
and now we're having car trouble.
It's as if fate is trying to tell us something.
Why not just get married here in this little town, right now?
Wouldn't that be romantic?
Well, Diane, I love that idea.
- Let's do it. - I love you.
Are you cold, sir?
No. No, no, I'm not.
I just had a chill, I guess.
Well, if there's anything I can do...
Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine.
But don't go too far away. I think I may need some assistance.