1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:04,546 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:09,134 - Oh, no. - What's wrong, Mr. Peterson? 3 00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:12,012 It's my anniversary, I have nothing for Vera, and stores are closed. 4 00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:15,140 Normie's in big trouble now. 5 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,559 Will Mrs. Peterson give you the cold shoulder? 6 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:21,522 It's not the cold shoulder I mind. It's the hard knee. 7 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:24,066 Well, not to worry there, Norm. 8 00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:25,943 I think with your wit and resourcefulness, 9 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:28,529 you'll come up with a suitable gift. 10 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:30,864 Yeah. 11 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,450 You're absolutely right, Cliff ie. 12 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,788 I tried. I'm doomed. 13 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,374 I know where there's a gas station open. 14 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,168 Why don't you get her a can of 40-weight. 15 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,128 - Very funny. - Hey, why not give her 16 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,756 the best gift of all, Mr. Peterson? 17 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,675 A night of romance. 18 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:52,261 Carla, where's that gas station at? 19 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,681 Come on. Come on, Norm. You can do better than that. 20 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,808 - What? - That ashtray's better than that. 21 00:00:57,975 --> 00:01:00,060 Come on, man. 22 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,354 Ashtray, huh? 23 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:06,275 It's a little shoddy, but... 24 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:09,236 You know, with a nice pack of cigarettes or something, 25 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:13,240 a nice snappy new pack of matches, I think we got something here. 26 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,409 - Hey, hey, hey, Norm! - Does Vera even smoke? 27 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,953 Oh, yeah, she's been known to smoke. 28 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,997 Occasionally after sex. 29 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,207 Usually during. 30 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:45,624 Well, not the best I've had, but it'll serve. Refill, Sam. 31 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:48,293 Frasier, I'm not sure how to get into this, 32 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,129 but your bar bill's up to 500 dollars. 33 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,716 My God. Really? 34 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,636 I'm shocked. 35 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:02,974 Well, I promised myself that if I reached 500 dollars, I'd quit. 36 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,518 So that does it. 37 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,521 I'll raise my limit to 1,000. 38 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,399 I hope you understand it's just business, 39 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,943 but 500's a little out of my comfort zone there. 40 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,112 Oh, I understand, Sam. 41 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:18,198 Seems nobody wants to pay a man for sitting around and drinking all day. 42 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:21,618 Yeah, it's a world gone mad, huh, Fras? 43 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:25,372 Sam, I've come to a very important decision. 44 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,541 I've just taken stock of myself. 45 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:31,044 It's not exactly AT&T, is it? 46 00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:34,881 I'm gonna pick up the pieces of my shattered life. 47 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,843 But in order to do that, you gotta hit rock bottom first. 48 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,761 For you, that's three flights up. 49 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:44,433 Carla, you wanna see if anyone in the back has open wounds to salt? 50 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,102 Spoilsport. 51 00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,646 - Sam, you are my inspiration. - Well, thank you. 52 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:52,315 You, too, were a worthless, drooling drunk. 53 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,943 Carla, hold it a second. 54 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,528 Sam, I'm sorry. 55 00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,947 See, the point is that you pulled yourself together. 56 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:04,077 I have to rebuild my life, my career, my reputation, my self-esteem. 57 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,497 I'm no longer worthy to practice psychiatry, 58 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:10,083 but I'm gonna make myself worthy. 59 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,044 I'll start at the lowest, most menial level. 60 00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:17,007 - Sam, who sweeps the floors here? - Me and Woody. 61 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,217 Mostly Woody. All right, Woody. 62 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,137 Well, let me do it for both of you. 63 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:25,974 - You can pay me whatever you'd like. - Oh, gee, Frasier. I don't know. 64 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:29,019 No, Sam, I know you think it's beneath me, but I really need this now. 65 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:31,563 No, no, I just don't know where Woody put the broom. 66 00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,815 Maybe if you try in the back closet there. 67 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:37,152 I mean, it's okay with me, but you sure you want Diane to see this? 68 00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:41,406 Yes. Let her confront her guilt for what she's wrought 69 00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:44,284 by her refusal to work out our relationship. 70 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,829 And if I have a scintilla of psychological acumen left, 71 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:52,417 when she sees my humiliation, she'll eat her liver. 72 00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,508 What's Frasier doing? 73 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:02,886 Well, he's the new janitor. 74 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,435 Poor Frasier. 75 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:14,064 I had no idea he'd take it so hard. 76 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:18,735 This is my saddest romantic legacy. 77 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:22,489 But I refuse to hold myself responsible. Do I beg men to fall in love with me? 78 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,200 I certainly hope not. I'd like to think I was special. 79 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,246 Have you made any friends since you moved to Boston? 80 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:33,542 A few, if you count cats. 81 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,294 You're really cute. 82 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,046 I'd love to have a friend like you. 83 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:44,219 Look, Sam. Could we be in on the inception of a budding romance? 84 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,054 You talking about a foursome here? 85 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,687 How can you make a sweet, innocent flirtation 86 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:57,399 into something tawdry? 87 00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:00,902 I could tell you, but it'd be a lot more fun to show you. 88 00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:07,117 So, Woody, maybe we could go out for coffee after you get off work. 89 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:10,996 Oh, gee, Lisa, I'd like to, but I gotta... 90 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:13,582 - I gotta do something else. - What? 91 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:17,043 I don't know, but I gotta start right now. Excuse me. 92 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,466 My God. I don't think I've ever seen a man Woody's age 93 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,510 so painfully shy around women. 94 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,929 That young lady asked him out. He refused her. 95 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,473 - Two beers, Sam. - Well, maybe... 96 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,351 Maybe she came on too strong. Some guys don't like that. 97 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,353 Well, I know how the lad feels. 98 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:39,107 I mean, in the mating ritual, I like to be the aggressor. 99 00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:44,738 Of course, I don't mind a woman giving me a clear signal that I caught her eye. 100 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,908 You mean like sticking a finger down her throat? 101 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,830 Woody hasn't had a date since he came to work here. 102 00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:57,834 Well, look, later on tonight, I'm gonna go cruising for chicks, 103 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:01,421 a popular pastime among virile studs of today. 104 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,214 I'll take Woody along. 105 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:06,301 There's not a man yet that's come back from a Clavin love safari 106 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:09,804 without some trophy to hang on his game-room wall. 107 00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:12,515 Especially the horns, you know. 108 00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:17,687 Hey, Woody. Lookit, later on, I'm going out scouting for chickereenios. 109 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:20,148 - You wanna come? - Well, sure. 110 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,817 What is that, some kind of cereal? 111 00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,404 I'm not sure, but I think he means girls. 112 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:29,407 Yeah, that's right. Come on, Wood. Look, I got this great pickup line. 113 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:31,576 We pull up next to this cute-looking babe, right? 114 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,453 I say, "Hey, my friend likes you." 115 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:37,082 Yeah, and if that doesn't work, Cliff throws an egg at her. It's great. 116 00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:41,419 That sounds like swell times, but I'm not much in the mood for it. Thanks. 117 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:45,423 Woody, would you mind if I stuck my big fat nose in your affairs? 118 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:49,594 Stick your big fat nose wherever you like, Miss Chambers. 119 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,224 There's no need to hide your feelings. 120 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:57,394 You're afraid of ladies rejecting you, aren't you? 121 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,357 No, it's not so much that. It's just that... 122 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,150 Well, I got this problem. 123 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:08,071 What problem? We at Cheers always share our problems. 124 00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:12,575 Besides, we kind of ran out of things to talk about, so we'd appreciate it. 125 00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:18,373 All right. There's this girl back home named Beth Curtis, 126 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:21,418 and she is the most wonderful girl in the world. 127 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:25,213 We dated ever since we were kids, but last year we split up. 128 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,632 You know, I wanted to travel around and see the world. 129 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:30,051 She wanted to stay in Indiana. 130 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:33,304 At first I thought it would be okay... 131 00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:36,349 ...but now I just can't seem to get her out of my mind. 132 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:40,645 Everything I do, everywhere I go, everything I see reminds me of her. 133 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,778 Beth. 134 00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,663 Poor kid, huh? 135 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,167 Oh, wait a second. Was that your meddling "hmm"? 136 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:05,962 Oh, Sam, we have to get those two back together. 137 00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:08,089 There's nothing sadder than a man 138 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,884 who wants his maiden and is denied her. 139 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,595 It tears my heart out. 140 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:18,933 Frasier. You're getting dirt on my new Joan & Davids. 141 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:25,732 - Afternoon, everybody. - Norm! 142 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,358 What do you say to a beer, Normie? 143 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,070 Hi, sailor. New in town? 144 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,032 Where's Diane? Back from the airport yet? 145 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,617 No, no, not yet. 146 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:38,036 What's Diane doing down at the airport? 147 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,955 Well, we all got together and thought it'd be kind of fun 148 00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,333 to get Woody's girlfriend out here and surprise him. 149 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:44,584 She's still picking her up. 150 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:47,337 What do you mean, "we all got together"? 151 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:50,340 I didn't all get together. Did you, Norm? 152 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:53,051 Yeah. Yeah, it was a good meeting, actually. 153 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:57,430 Had some hors d'oeuvres. It kind of turned into a little party, you know. 154 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,474 Well, you might have invited me. 155 00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:03,228 Oh, we might have, but we wanted to enjoy ourselves. 156 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,944 - Hey, Fras, how's the job going, bud? - Oh, great. 157 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,489 Yeah, I hear you're really cleaning up in your new business. 158 00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:19,285 At least I was invited to the party. Great rumaki, Sam. 159 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:25,750 Everyone, this is Beth Curtis. 160 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,211 - Hi, Beth. - Hi, everybody. 161 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:29,796 How you doing? Sam Malone. 162 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,881 I guess Woody told you all about me. 163 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,342 I haven't spoken to Woody in ages. 164 00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:36,970 That's all right. What could he tell you that you can't see? 165 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,721 Sam, please. 166 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:44,227 I'd really like to thank whoever all's responsible for bringing me out here. 167 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:47,021 - Yeah. Cliff Clavin, do-gooder. - Hi. 168 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,733 Gosh, I can't believe how big this city is. 169 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,318 Yeah, yeah, quite a place. 170 00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:57,782 You know, Boston is the hub of Boston proper, which comprises some-- 171 00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:01,369 There's probably, what, two and three-quarter million people 172 00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,079 spread out in 83 cities and towns. 173 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,290 Get out of here. 174 00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,041 You question my figures? 175 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:11,004 No, I want you to get out of here. 176 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,970 So where's my butterball? 177 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,723 - You mean Woody? - Yeah. 178 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,391 He doesn't mind me calling him that. 179 00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:25,185 He's not very sensitive about his weight. 180 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,562 Woody's not fat, Beth. 181 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:30,190 He was the last time I saw him. 182 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:33,568 - Wow. He lost weight too? - Too? 183 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:37,405 Yeah. I don't like to brag or anything, but I just lost 50 pounds. 184 00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:39,949 I don't think Woody will even recognize me. 185 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,369 Beth, that's wonderful. 186 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,914 Norman, isn't that wonderful? 187 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,045 Yeah, it's great. Great. 188 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,590 You know, actually, I just lost a little weight recently myself. 189 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,218 No, I just found it. 190 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:10,230 Beth? You shrunk. 191 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,607 I shrunk? Look at you. 192 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,154 Wow, my hands can touch. 193 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:23,743 This is a dream come true. What are you doing here? 194 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,871 - Well, your friends brought me out. - They did? 195 00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:30,250 Thanks, guys. You've been so good to me. 196 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,002 In fact, next to the Twilley brothers back home, 197 00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,754 you're the closest friends I have. 198 00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,006 Woody, after you left, 199 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,843 both Twilley brothers made improper advances to me. 200 00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:45,223 Hey, that makes you my closest friends. 201 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,934 Woody, why don't you take the rest of the day off. 202 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,852 Oh, really? Thanks, Sam. 203 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,689 - Look at you. I can't believe it. - I can't believe it either. 204 00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:57,277 You know, in high school, we were voted the couple most likely to explode. 205 00:12:58,069 --> 00:13:00,446 Hey, I'll show you the sights. What do you wanna see first? 206 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,198 I'd kind of like to get a bite. 207 00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:03,616 Didn't you eat on the plane? 208 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,286 Yeah, but not enough, I guess, because I'm kind of hungry again. 209 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:09,539 Yeah, I'm famished. See you later. 210 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,293 Do you find that strange? 211 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,169 The first thing they wanted to do was eat? 212 00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,213 Yeah, yeah, Woody just got back from lunch too. 213 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,383 Yeah, I'll say it's strange. If I hadn't seen my girl in that long, 214 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,468 I know what the first thing on her mind would be. 215 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,346 "How did he find me in Tibet?" 216 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:37,734 Sam, I finally did it. It took three days, 217 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:41,446 but I removed every trace of Carla's number from the men's room. 218 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,616 Would you mind your own business? 219 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:50,747 Frasier, for God's sake, hasn't this gone on long enough? 220 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,958 If you're trying to make me feel guilty, you succeeded. 221 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:57,712 Don't flatter yourself, Your Highness. 222 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,674 I'm working here because I enjoy it. 223 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,135 The Crane family is no stranger to hard work. 224 00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,346 I'll have you know that when my ancestors first came to this country, 225 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,931 they had nothing but strong backs, a dream of freedom 226 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,726 and a small personal fortune. 227 00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:15,772 Now if you'll excuse me, I have a life to live. 228 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,858 Sam, where do you keep the Jonny Mop? 229 00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,653 Sam, stop him. 230 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,448 Don't let him put on this stupid display. 231 00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:28,534 Well, sweetheart, I'm helping him regain his self-respect. 232 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:32,997 Besides, people come here specifically to see the sweeping psychiatrist. 233 00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,168 Sorry I'm late. 234 00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:38,920 Beth and I had to go to Baskin-Robbins 235 00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,672 for the changing of the flavors. 236 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,926 Woody, how are you and Beth getting along? 237 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:47,261 Oh, great. 238 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:50,139 We had this wonderful breakfast this morning. 239 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,142 Pancakes and sausages and hash browns. 240 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,144 And then we discovered this great little treat. 241 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,313 You know how when you get to the end of a meal 242 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,607 and you find something to kind of top it off? 243 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:02,193 - You mean like a sorbet? - No, like eggs Benedict. 244 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,195 It really hit the spot. 245 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,657 Woody, that's kind of like topping off a steak dinner with pork chops. 246 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:11,244 - Great idea. - Well, it's not original. 247 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,455 It's the Hungry Heifer Carnivore Platter. 248 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:21,170 Woody, it's none of my business, but aren't you and Beth worried 249 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,131 that you might put back on some of the weight 250 00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:25,925 you worked so hard to take off? 251 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:29,762 No, we're very careful. We always stop eating before we get lightheaded. 252 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,059 Who am I kidding? 253 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,311 It's happening all over again. 254 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:40,940 I swore after I took that 100 pounds off that I'd never tub out again. 255 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:45,069 Now I'm gonna have to send home for my fat clothes. 256 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:48,156 I don't know what comes over us when we get together. 257 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,908 You know, Woody, I thought of something. 258 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:55,079 I have old drinking buddies I can't be around without wanting a drink. 259 00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:56,581 Automatic thing. 260 00:15:56,789 --> 00:16:01,002 I think that maybe Beth is-- Well, she's like your old eating buddy. 261 00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:04,005 - Very good, Sam. - Well, thank you. 262 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:08,342 And just when we were about to hang a "for rent" sign on Sam's forehead. 263 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:13,264 He's right, Woody. 264 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:16,017 Friends with whom we share a common vice 265 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:19,103 sometimes reinforce our behavior. 266 00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:22,815 I'm sure that's what's happening in your case. 267 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:26,444 Thank you, amateur psychologists... 268 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:31,866 ...for your simple-minded diagnostic attempts. 269 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,076 Now, Woody, tell me, 270 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,496 do you come from a strict moral upbringing? 271 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,499 - What do you mean by that? - Well, 272 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:44,712 do you and Beth feel that premarital relations are wrong? 273 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,839 Well, I don't wanna talk about it. 274 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,759 Beth and I feel there's some things you just don't talk about. 275 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:53,387 - Like what? - I don't know. We never talk about it. 276 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,140 Now listen to me, Woody. 277 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,809 As healthy but moral human beings, 278 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:04,982 you and Beth sublimated your lust into the sensual pleasure of eating. 279 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,944 As your fondness grew, so did your appetites. 280 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:11,155 Well, in short, food became your substitute for sex. 281 00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,616 Vera became mine. 282 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,870 You really think that's what it is, Dr. Crane? 283 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,789 Yes, it's quite common. Well, for example, 284 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,333 when Diane left Sam, and he started drinking again, 285 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,211 he was filling the void that Diane left. 286 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,838 And Diane filled her emptiness... 287 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:33,427 ...by toying with and destroying a man 288 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,722 who's her cultural and intellectual superior in every way! 289 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,815 You see the point I'm trying to make, Woody. 290 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:49,902 - I don't wanna talk about it. - I rest my case. 291 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,988 Go rest your mouth. 292 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:58,411 Hey. You mean to tell me you've never slept with Beth? 293 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,415 Well, it's simple, then. You sleep with her, you stop eating. 294 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,042 What a great reason too. I mean, as if you needed one. 295 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,794 Sam, I can't do that. 296 00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:11,674 I can't ask a nice girl like Beth to sleep with me out of wedlock. 297 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:15,219 The younger generation. I just don't know what to say to them. 298 00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,264 Why don't you just marry her? 299 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,934 I don't think we're ready for marriage yet. 300 00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:27,523 Forget Frasier's Freudian rantings. 301 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:32,320 As anyone will tell you, I am a Skinnerian behaviorist. 302 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,448 I say we must address your symptoms. 303 00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:39,785 You and Beth must learn to retrain your eating habits together. 304 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:43,789 We've thought about diets before. All it does is make us hungrier. 305 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,458 Well, then I'll help. 306 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:50,463 I'll take you out to dinner and show you how to eat a light but satisfying meal. 307 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,214 Oh, well, I'll try anything. 308 00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:54,634 Hey, Sam, you wanna join us? 309 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:59,639 Well, Sam could join us if he so desires. 310 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,807 We'll have a... 311 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,770 ...sparse but nutritious meal and a lot of delightful conversation. 312 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:09,649 Thanks, Diane, but I got something a little more fun planned for myself. 313 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,234 I'm gonna go home, shave my head with a cheese grater 314 00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,987 while chewing on tinfoil. 315 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:20,034 How about tomorrow night? 316 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,840 - Wasn't it good? - Yeah. 317 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:37,551 Sam, can I tempt you with the last piece of broccoli? 318 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,888 Depends on what you're gonna do with it. 319 00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,350 Aren't we just the trendsetters? 320 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:48,270 It's not everyone that could walk into an elite French restaurant 321 00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:50,147 and order nothing but vegetables. 322 00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:55,528 Yeah, I gotta admit, I don't feel as full as if I had eaten food or something. 323 00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:58,948 Really, Diane, we appreciate what you're trying to do, 324 00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,617 but what do you say we cleanse our palate with some éclairs? 325 00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,203 Yo, waiter! 326 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,998 Yes, a sense of humor's very important when dieting. 327 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,794 But remember, this one meal isn't going to change your lives. 328 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,296 You're going to have to continue this way on your own. 329 00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,633 You think we can, Woody? 330 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,428 Oh, sure. Yeah, this was kind of nice. 331 00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:25,349 You know, I usually feel so full I can't really do anything. 332 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,518 - But now I... - I know. 333 00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,730 I feel a lot more energetic. 334 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,606 You know, I've been thinking 335 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:36,110 about what the janitor at Cheers said about sublimation. 336 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,281 About what? 337 00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:44,285 Well, he said that, for us, eating took the place of... 338 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,539 Woody, maybe you should go over to that table over there 339 00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:53,002 so you can be heard above Sam's termite impression. 340 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,671 Yeah, that might be better. 341 00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:58,048 I'm sorry. 342 00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,058 Eating took the place of what? 343 00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:12,104 Well, you know, that subject that you don't like to talk about. 344 00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:14,982 What subject don't I like to talk about? 345 00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:17,985 You know, that subject that you never talk about. 346 00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:21,822 The reason we never talk about that is because you don't wanna talk about it. 347 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,200 I don't mind talking about it. 348 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:27,411 In fact, I think about it all the time. 349 00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:29,371 Well, I don't mind talking about it either. 350 00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:32,708 - In fact, I think about it too. - You think about it too? 351 00:21:36,754 --> 00:21:38,297 Then maybe we should talk about it. 352 00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,549 Yeah, I think we should talk about it. 353 00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:46,597 You don't suppose there's a chance we're not talking about the same thing. 354 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,933 - No. - No. 355 00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:52,228 Well, I think we've talked about it enough. 356 00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:53,938 Me too. 357 00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:58,526 Well, I think we're gonna be shoving off. 358 00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,402 Where are you going? 359 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:02,780 We don't wanna talk about it. 360 00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:05,658 - I think I understand. - Yeah. 361 00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:09,995 Understand what? 362 00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:13,457 Oh, yeah, right. 363 00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:16,627 Probably gonna get something to eat, right? 364 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,172 Don't be silly. 365 00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:23,592 - Isn't it beautiful? - What's that? 366 00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:26,345 Two people in love. 367 00:22:27,221 --> 00:22:29,431 Yeah, you said it, all right. 368 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,478 - What? - I just had the funniest stray thought. 369 00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:36,605 Remember the first tryst you and I shared? 370 00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:40,818 Yeah, I think I had Cheez Whiz on my half. 371 00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:49,493 I'm talking about making love. 372 00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:51,787 I know. 373 00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:56,709 Yeah, of course I remember. 374 00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:59,920 It was... It was great, wasn't it? 375 00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:01,463 It was wonderful. 376 00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:04,925 Yeah, I think we gave new meaning to the word "cooking." 377 00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:08,095 Sometimes I thought it would go on forever. 378 00:23:08,345 --> 00:23:12,182 Hey, I came pretty darn close a couple of times, didn't I? 379 00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:17,771 That's not what I meant. 380 00:23:21,692 --> 00:23:23,235 You were wonderful. 381 00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:26,238 Yeah, you were pretty wonderful yourself. 382 00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:31,493 - It can be so wonderful, can't it, Sam? - You bet. 383 00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:36,290 Thank God there's no danger of all of that starting up again. 384 00:23:36,457 --> 00:23:39,627 Right. We know what kind of hell that would lead to. 385 00:23:40,461 --> 00:23:41,587 Amen. 386 00:23:57,978 --> 00:24:00,147 Will there be anything else? 387 00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:04,526 - I want two of these. Keep it coming. - Make it three. 388 00:24:04,693 --> 00:24:08,197 I think the word is "chocolate." I want more chocolate. 389 00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:11,241 That's it. Go away. Go away. 390 00:24:14,370 --> 00:24:15,412 We must come back.