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Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
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Okay, guys, time's almost up.
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How do they expect you to form words
with all the letters mixed up like that?
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- That's the point of the game, Woody.
- Hey, Sam, where's Diane?
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She's been burning the midnight oil,
studying for exams.
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I'm letting her catch a few winks
in the office.
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She couldn't catch winks if she walked
naked through a troop train.
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Say, I wonder if she's dreaming
about me.
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Fat chance.
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That's it, time's up.
What do you got? You first.
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I've got "reap," "pear" and "ear."
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Well, I'm sorry, Woody. I got those
too, so it cancels yours out.
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But I've also got "flork," 'ferd"
and "snot."
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Come on, man, there's no such
word as "flork."
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What are you talking about? You know
those little flags on the mailboxes?
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What do you think holds them on?
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Gee, Mr Clavin, you're so smart
I don't even know why
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I bother playing with you.
You always win.
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You know what I say, Woody?
You just gotta be tenacious,
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just like the great horned "muren."
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Hey, well, besides, you almost
beat me in the last game.
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Yeah, just missed by a cat's "pleck."
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Yep.
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Boy, that's some storm
out there tonight, huh, Mr Clavin?
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Well, to the layman perhaps, Woody.
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But in my profession we have
a saying:
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"Neither rain nor sleet nor gloom
of night shall stay this courier from
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the swift completion
of his appointed rounds."
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Cliff, my car is stalled outside. How
about getting me your jumper cables?
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What, and catch my death?
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Hit the bricks.
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Appreciate it.
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Sam, table six wants a bottle
of the house red.
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Woody, would you mind going
down to the wine cellar
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- and getting some more, please?
- Of course not.
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You know, I used to be afraid
of the dark, but I got myself over it.
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Oh, yeah? How'd you do that?
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Oh, well, I just shut my eyes
and pretended it wasn't there.
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Wine cellar?
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Since when have we had
a wine cellar? Vodka rocks, please.
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On your day off, I had a couple
of workers checking the plumbing,
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and they discovered that there
was a staircase
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behind the wall in the closet there.
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That's amazing. You mean
it's just been there all this time?
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Yeah. A long time ago, when this
was just a private house here,
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the owners used to keep their crazy
old grandmother down there.
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They say that if you're real quiet,
you can hear her chains rattle.
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Supposedly, she swore to seek
vengeance on blond waitresses.
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Very funny.
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- Evening, everybody.
- Norm!
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- Norman.
- Still pouring, Norm?
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That's funny. I was about to ask you
the same thing.
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Hey, some storm, huh?
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Yeah. if I don't get home to Vera soon,
that road's gonna be closed.
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Say about another half hour or so
ought to do it.
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Hey, Sam, where's the paper? I wanna
see what they say about the storm.
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Woody had it a minute ago.
Where is he anyway?
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Better go check on him.
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It's been a whole week since
I taught him how to climb stairs.
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- Oh, here it is. Wait a minute.
- I'll take that, Sammy.
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I told Vera I'd check
for double coupons.
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Oh, Norman, that's very sweet.
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Yeah, you know, Diane,
marriage is a full-time job.
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Oh, hey, Diane. Remember that
lunatic who tried to strangle you
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while you were doing
that scene from Othello up there?
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Oh, yeah, what was his name?
Andy Schroeder?
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- There he is.
- What about him?
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It says here that he escaped
from the state--
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- Whoa, she does remember him.
- Yeah.
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Anyway, it says here he could
be dangerous. I don't know.
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Hey, hey, come on, Normie,
what's it say about the storm?
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Sam, didn't you hear that?
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Andy-Andy, the man who tried
to kill me, is loose.
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Hey, calm down. No lunatic's
gonna go out on a night like this.
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He'd have to be nuts.
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Boy, I hope my new wine cellar stays dry.
Where are those guys anyway?
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- I'll go investigate for you, Sammy.
- Thank you.
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Yeah, I've been anxious to check out
your salon de vin anyway.
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Hey, look, if I'm any more
than five minutes,
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send down some cheese
and crackers, huh?
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Kind of a spooky night, huh?
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Sam, how can you be so calm
knowing this man is free?
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You've never taken him seriously.
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Just because he smiles at you
with that pink-cheeked,
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round kewpie doll face and says,
"Hi there," you think he's harmless.
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00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:09,244
Well, he's not. He's a cold-blooded
homicidal maniac.
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00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:13,915
Hey, no guy is gonna walk in here
into this brightly lit bar and attack you.
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- Probably not in a dark one either.
- Oh, Sam!
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What? Now, come on, everybody,
just relax here. I got candles now.
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00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,681
That's right, everybody,
just keep calm, all right?
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I mean, no reason to panic here.
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Sammy, those taps operate
when the power is out, don't they?
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Why haven't the others come up
from the wine cellar?
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They sure have a knack
for picking the wrong time
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- to goof off, don't they?
- All right, I'll go roust those guys out.
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Or else I'll just have to bury
their bodies.
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All right, that's it.
I'm calling the power company.
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God, Sam, the phone is dead.
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Oh, you're kidding.
Wow, no phone, no power.
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Cut off from the outside world
on a stormy night
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with a homicidal maniac on the loose.
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Isn't that always just the way?
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God, that was Norman!
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- What's happening?
- Oh, come on, whoa!
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You are such a sucker.
Don't you see what's happening?
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They know you found out
about Andy,
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and they're just trying
to scare you to death.
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Why don't you go down there
and just get it over with?
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I'm gonna go check the fuse box.
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Oh, of course that's it.
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Oh, I am such a goose.
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What should I expect
from this devilish crew?
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Here I come. I'm opening the door.
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Oh, I hope nobody's down here.
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Because it sure would scare me
if people yelled out a bloodcurdling boo.
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Well, looks like the candle is in
on your little joke too.
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Why won't this light?
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Hi there.
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What? What?
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Oh, God.
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I just had the worst nightmare
of my entire life.
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By the way, Sam,
you were beastly to me.
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Oh, really? Well, how was I?
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You weren't in it.
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Of course.
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Beastly? Can you be specific?
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- All right.
- Sam, I--
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I don't think Diane's dreams are
anything you should be meddling in.
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00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:14,554
Maybe you're right. Starring in them
is enough, I guess.
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You were having another one
of those dreams, weren't you?
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Yes. But it wasn't as bad this time.
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Diane, you've got to stop this
nonsense about Andy-Andy.
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You've been dreaming
about him for months now,
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00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:33,198
since you found out he was released
from the state mental hospital.
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Can you blame me?
The man tried to kill me, Frasier.
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00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:41,539
Look, Diane. Listen, I've--
I've talked with him.
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You what?
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Yes, as soon as you started
having those dreams,
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I found out where Andy was living,
and I went to see him.
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I wanted to learn if your fears
were unfounded, and,
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00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:51,674
believe me, they are, Diane.
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I've counsel led him for several weeks now,
and his progress has been remarkable.
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00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,430
Frasier, I don't believe this.
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I want you to confront this fear.
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I mean, just talk to the man.
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Never. Never, never, never!
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Diane, I sense resistance.
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Diane, I heard screams.
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Oh, well, I dreamt
I was being murdered.
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Was I the one
who was murdering you?
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- No.
- Was I helping in any way?
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00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,668
Sam,
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I'm still a bit shaken up. May I have
the rest of the evening off, please?
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- You bet.
- Thank you.
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00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:36,427
She came in, she fell asleep,
and now she's going home.
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00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:43,101
Diane, what you need now is a little
TLC. Tender, loving Crane.
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00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:47,981
Well, thanks anyway.
I'm sure I'll be fine.
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00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:51,317
After that nightmare, maybe now
I can sleep through the night
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00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:55,280
without being haunted
by that homicidal cherub.
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Listen, at least let me drive you home.
When you're this close to hysteria,
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you need the calming influence
of a strong and mature man.
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Hi there.
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00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,593
- Diane?
- Yes.
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00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,887
The reason I came here is to tell you
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00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:21,764
how deeply sorry I am that I hurt you.
166
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And I also want you to know that
I'm leaving the country.
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And it would mean so much to me
if I had your forgiveness.
168
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Fine, you're forgiven. Now get out.
169
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:36,738
You can wish the man bon voyage
at least, for God's sake.
170
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,783
You're right.
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00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:45,079
Andy, I hope everything works out
for the best.
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00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,749
- Do you really mean that?
- Yes.
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00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,876
Well, then maybe you can help me.
174
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:55,924
I've fallen in love with a wonderful girl,
and we're going to get married.
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00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,635
And I'd like you to meet her.
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- There's just one hitch.
- You killed her.
177
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:02,347
Hey, hey.
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00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:13,191
She-- She doesn't know about
my prison background.
179
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:16,986
So I've-- I've told her a few tiny fibs.
180
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:19,322
Like I have friends and a life.
181
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,701
And I've adopted you people to be it.
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00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:27,872
She's coming here to meet you all,
and I hope you'll back me up.
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00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:32,627
- I-- I don't know about this, Andrew.
- I disapprove.
184
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:35,964
Well, wait a second now. if I could just
throw in my two cents worth here,
185
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,925
I really couldn't give a damn
one way or the other.
186
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:44,305
Please, I-- All I'm asking is for what
society promised me.
187
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,224
A chance to start over.
188
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,727
Wait a second here. Frasier, Diane,
189
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,522
let me talk to you over here
for a minute, will you?
190
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:55,733
We'll be right back.
Hold on a sec. Come here.
191
00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:59,988
Come on, let's sit down
over here. Listen.
192
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,325
Is Andy cured, or isn't he?
193
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:09,080
Well, Sam, a trained psychiatrist
never uses the term "cured."
194
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,082
Unless we're talking about ham.
195
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,668
That's pretty good.
196
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,504
No, to wax serious,
197
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,840
Andy's progress
has been remarkable, and...
198
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:22,635
well, I'll-- I'll vouch for his stability.
199
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,220
Well, then I say let's help him.
200
00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:27,849
I mean, we'll be giving both of them
a new chance on life there.
201
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:32,312
By George, Sam, sometimes
out of the mouths of babes.
202
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:36,149
No, let's not talk women now.
What do you say, huh?
203
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,444
I'm not so sure about this.
204
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:46,617
Well, Diane, instead of dwelling on
the bad person that Andy used to be,
205
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:50,038
we reinforce the good person
he wants to be.
206
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,623
Oh, come on, loosen up, will you?
207
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:56,627
It might even be fun if you'd unclench
your keister long enough.
208
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,255
That was pretty good.
209
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:03,509
Hey, come on. Andy?
Andy, we're with you.
210
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,053
I really appreciate it.
211
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:09,140
Listen, before she gets here, let me
coach you on the little lies I told her.
212
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,060
My God, she's early.
213
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:14,771
What am I gonna do?
214
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:18,566
Please, everybody,
whatever I say, just go along.
215
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,401
- Trust me.
- All right.
216
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:27,241
- Andy.
- Cynthia.
217
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:31,245
- Everybody, this is Cynthia.
- Hello, Cynthia.
218
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:32,580
- Hi.
- Hi, Cynthia.
219
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,875
I've heard so much about you all.
220
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:41,506
Andy, I really love your bar.
221
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,385
Andy's bar?
222
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:49,263
Oh, you must be Sam.
223
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:52,266
Yes, that's right, I'm Sam.
224
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,062
I'm really glad to see you putting
your life back together again.
225
00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:00,024
Well, I'm-- I'm trying.
226
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:05,113
Well, I really admire Andy's philosophy
on giving ex-cons a second chance.
227
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,449
Even a flasher.
228
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,915
Well, you know what they say,
if you've got it, why not--?
229
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,667
Sam.
230
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,879
You must be Diane.
231
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:26,300
- Indeed I am.
- Poor, poor Diane.
232
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:29,470
Yes. Well...
233
00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:32,432
No, really, it's all right.
It's all right, he's told me everything.
234
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,059
What did he tell you?
235
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,895
How you so wanted to have his child.
236
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:44,235
And this, of course, is Frasier Crane.
237
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:49,073
Oh, the poor wretch
you've been counselling.
238
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,579
Yes, he's helped me quite a bit.
239
00:15:54,871 --> 00:16:00,418
I hope so. Are you still having trouble
with that little habit?
240
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:03,588
Habit?
241
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:07,508
- What little habit is that, Fras?
- Yeah, Frasier.
242
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,969
Do tell, do tell.
243
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:12,805
It's an illness. He's not ashamed of it.
244
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,974
- Are you, Frasier?
- Oh, certainly not.
245
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:19,187
Not exactly. Well, not entirely.
246
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:20,980
- It all depends on the--
- He's a kleptomaniac.
247
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:26,068
And not making
much progress, I'm afraid.
248
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,820
He shoplifted his entire wardrobe.
249
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:31,824
Well, not all of it, but these pants
are pretty hot.
250
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,121
Sam, are we having a good night?
251
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:39,999
- How much have I got in the register?
- Oh, I don't know.
252
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,585
It's been pretty slow. Probably no more
than about 50 bucks.
253
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:45,922
Are you kidding?
We must have 1,000 in here.
254
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:49,133
- Thank you, Woody.
- I just thought the owner should know.
255
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,843
I'll need the cash for my trip.
256
00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:54,722
- Oh, Andy, I don't know about that.
- Oh, Sam, loosen up.
257
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,933
Unclench your cash register.
258
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:04,190
Listen, Andy, how about tearing up
all my unpaid bar chits
259
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,984
- as kind of a little going-away present?
- Norm, you're a good
260
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,153
and valued customer,
but I can't do that.
261
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:12,156
- Nice try there, Norm.
- Do it yourself, big guy.
262
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:15,660
- All right. Hey.
- Hey, that's great, Andy.
263
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:19,247
- Hey, how about me, pal?
- Not a chance.
264
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:25,628
It looks like you did a little better
than I thought you did there, Andy.
265
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:29,340
Let's see here. One hundred, 200--
266
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:32,593
Oh, don't bother counting it, Sam.
I'll just take it all.
267
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:35,471
Say, look at the time.
We have to fly.
268
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:39,934
Diane, baby, for old time's sake.
269
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,566
The man just gives and gives
and gives.
270
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:53,781
Sam, take care of my bar
and take care of this little gal of mine.
271
00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:57,410
It was nice meeting you all.
272
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:02,248
Oh, us too. And by the way,
I love your choker.
273
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,250
I'm not wearing a choker.
274
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:07,753
- You will be.
- Come along there. Bye.
275
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:09,922
Sam.
276
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:14,010
You have to stop Andy.
He's taking all your money.
277
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:15,928
He'll be back. Just give him a chance.
278
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:20,808
Are you crazy? He's never
coming back. I'm calling the police.
279
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:24,312
Oh, come on, I--
He's coming back, Diane.
280
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:27,398
You know, I've made jokes about
your dearth of living brain cells,
281
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:31,027
but it's not funny anymore.
Don't you get tired of being wrong?
282
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,989
- Thank you, everybody.
- Hold it a second, Andy,
283
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,866
Diane's making a fool of herself here.
284
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:40,578
Sam, you guys made me look like
a big shot in Cynthia's eyes.
285
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,580
You guys were wonderful.
286
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,248
- I'll never forget you.
- Well...
287
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:48,586
I'm most touched that you
trusted me, Diane. You,
288
00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:51,589
who had reason to fear
and to hate me the most.
289
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,218
- Sam.
- Oh, yeah.
290
00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:58,721
Goodbye.
291
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:09,815
Sam, I'm sorry, I-- Sam, wait.
292
00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,695
How could I have been so wrong?
293
00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:16,906
A lifetime of practice.
294
00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:21,202
Sam?
295
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:27,124
Sam, I'm sorry. I feel awful.
296
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:30,711
You were right.
Please accept my apology.
297
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,631
Oh, forget it, Diane. I forgive you.
298
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,549
"The quality of mercy is not strained.
299
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,510
It droppeth as the gentle rain
from heaven
300
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,346
upon the place beneath.
It is twice blest.
301
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,391
It blesseth him that gives
and him that takes."
302
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:47,853
Thank you, Sam. What did you say?
303
00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:50,523
I think you heard me.
304
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:54,360
Yes, but you said it.
305
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:58,322
Well, perhaps in his pithy way,
Blake said it best.
306
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,908
Oh, yes.
307
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:07,707
"And throughout eternity
I forgive you, and you forgive me."
308
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:18,134
- I can't believe my ears.
- Oh, come on, Diane.
309
00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:26,308
You really didn't believe that buffoonish
façade that I've been perpetrating
310
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,895
for the benefit
of my blue-collar clientele, did you?
311
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,690
Oh, my God.
312
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:37,445
My heart is racing, Sam.
313
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:41,699
Oh, dear. Well, I know just the thing.
314
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:47,705
Perhaps a spot of chamomile tea
would calm you down.
315
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,419
There you go. Please.
316
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:59,717
- Careful.
- Sam, I never found you so attractive.
317
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:05,222
Oh, well, how nice.
Listen, before we take this any further,
318
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:09,059
would you mind sitting down?
I'd love to play you a little something
319
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:10,853
from an opera that I've been writing.
320
00:21:12,563 --> 00:21:17,234
It's-- It's based on the Old Testament.
321
00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:19,987
It combines the brooding
intensity of Mahler
322
00:21:20,154 --> 00:21:24,241
with the pesky insouciance of Poulenc,
and it goes something like this.
323
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,474
Sam?
324
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,311
Sam?
325
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:56,899
Take me. Now. I want you.
326
00:21:57,107 --> 00:21:58,734
Put the keyboard away,
327
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:03,280
and let me be the instrument
you play on.
328
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,536
- Diane?
- Yes.
329
00:22:08,702 --> 00:22:12,790
Do you realize you just ended
that proposition with a preposition?
330
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,918
Just have me.
331
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:18,003
Have me.
332
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:24,343
Oh, Diane.
333
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:26,053
Diane.
334
00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:29,974
Diane, Diane? Hey.
335
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:34,311
Sam.
336
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,481
This may be a silly question,
337
00:22:37,648 --> 00:22:40,985
but you don't have a velvet
smoking jacket, do you?
338
00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:44,947
Hey, come on, I'm smoking
in any jacket.
339
00:22:48,409 --> 00:22:51,704
- What is this? What's going on?
- But of course.
340
00:22:52,121 --> 00:22:55,332
I just had the weirdest dream.
341
00:22:56,542 --> 00:23:02,381
I thought I was waking up from
a dream, but I was in another dream.
342
00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:05,634
Andy-Andy came back.
Oh, it was terrible.
343
00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:10,556
And there was a wine cellar here.
And we all went into it.
344
00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:13,851
And Frasier was a kleptomaniac,
and you were smart.
345
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:16,312
When did it get weird?
346
00:23:17,855 --> 00:23:20,441
Hey, Sam? You wanna come
continue this word game?
347
00:23:20,608 --> 00:23:22,610
Woody's on the brink
of forming a syllable.
348
00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:26,155
Oh, yeah. Whoa, wait a second.
349
00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:29,199
You never told me how that
dream ended. Did you and I...?
350
00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:31,243
Certainly not.
351
00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:34,121
Oh, well, that really was
a bad dream, wasn't it?