1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:05,172
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:08,592
- Okay, who's next?
- Make way for Norm.
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:13,764
Come on in, Mr Peterson, and we've
got the bathroom-stuffing record.
4
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:17,809
World's record, here we come!
5
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:24,066
We did it!
Congratulations! Drinks are on me!
6
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,781
The door's stuck.
7
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:34,493
It won't budge.
There's too many people in here.
8
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:37,162
Bartender must've stepped out.
9
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,581
Have a seat.
I gotta use the bathroom, okay?
10
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,508
Occupied.
11
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:08,462
Norm, we had the bathroom-stuffing
championship in our grasp and blew it.
12
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,381
Oh, gee, I see how I miscounted.
13
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:16,094
Boy, I had myself down here twice.
See, "Woody" and "me."
14
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:18,930
Here's to noble failure, huh?
15
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,933
Norm, I can't drink to that.
There's nothing noble about failure.
16
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,561
If there was, you'd be a duke.
17
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,981
Hey, Diane, hold it. Hold it.
Those aren't empty.
18
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,068
Sorry, guys,
I'm a little distracted tonight.
19
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,404
Oh, yeah? You got problems, Diane,
or just the usual?
20
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:38,784
What do you mean, "the usual"?
21
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,746
You know, just how you usually are,
you know.
22
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,666
How am I usually?
23
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,751
So you're distracted, huh?
24
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,630
Yes, I have to come up with $500
as quickly as possible.
25
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:55,258
What for?
Hush money for Miss Clairol?
26
00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:01,556
No. But I love the new thing
that you've done with your hair,
27
00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:04,851
and I think you should
continue washing it.
28
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:09,856
"Continue.'
That was totally uncalled-for.
29
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,150
So what do you need 500 bucks for?
30
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,737
Well, are you familiar with the Farthing
for Your Thoughts bookstore?
31
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,031
I've dallied there betimes, yeah.
32
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,574
Very funny, Norman.
33
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,576
Anyway, I was browsing there
this morning
34
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,496
when I unearthed
a rare Hemingway volume.
35
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:26,039
I know what everybody's thinking:
36
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:29,209
"Diane Chambers' sensibilities
attuned to Hemingway?"
37
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,878
Wow, that's really close.
38
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:36,258
Anyway, I discovered that
Hemingway's signature is in the book.
39
00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:40,303
And it's priced at a laughable $500.
40
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,764
The owners of the store
don't know what they're doing.
41
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:47,352
It's right there on the title page:
"Ernest Hemingway, Madrid, 1927."
42
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,521
Why don't you ask
that rich old lady of yours, huh?
43
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:52,274
She's got more money than
me and God put together.
44
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:55,318
No, I can't ask Mummy.
45
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,905
- I'd rather die.
- I like that even better.
46
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:03,994
I told her long ago I was going
to prove my own worth.
47
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,163
I refuse to go to her begging now.
48
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:09,875
Come on, Diane, she's your ma.
She carried you for nine months.
49
00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:12,294
Eight. I was premature.
50
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:15,630
Couldn't wait to get out
and start yapping.
51
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,135
It has occurred to me that
52
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:23,305
I could possibly get the money
right here at Cheers.
53
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:28,018
If you can't rely on friends,
who can you rely on?
54
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,812
I thought maybe I could ask Sam.
55
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:34,900
You bet.
He's got a lot of money.
56
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:39,446
But I don't know.
Given our past relationship,
57
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:43,158
I just don't think I'd feel comfortable
borrowing from him.
58
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,494
On the other hand,
I don't know where else to turn.
59
00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:48,747
Well, Miss Chambers, I'm gonna
give you every bit of money I have.
60
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:53,084
- Oh, no, Woody. I couldn't.
- No, no, I insist.
61
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,797
Oh, wow, that's wonderful.
62
00:04:56,963 --> 00:05:00,091
I must've got my pockets
picked again.
63
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,385
Well, welcome to the big city.
64
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,596
Thank you, Mr Clavin.
65
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,225
Woody.
66
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:13,230
- Thanks for trying to help.
- Thanks.
67
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,317
Well, I guess I have no choice.
68
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,153
Now, how best to approach Sam?
69
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,825
I could appeal to his generosity...
70
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,078
...his good nature.
71
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:33,667
It wouldn't hurt to remind him
that I'm a woman.
72
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,127
I'd carry a sign.
73
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,217
Sam?
74
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:44,427
Is now a bad time?
75
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:48,056
No, but I think it's about to be.
76
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,934
You goose.
77
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:57,440
Sam, would you say that
our relationship has matured?
78
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:02,195
If you mean getting kind of old, yeah.
79
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:07,325
Well, you're a regular Noel Coward
with a liquor license.
80
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,953
I don't-- I don't get it.
81
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,747
I'm painfully aware of that.
82
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:17,836
Sam, I know you to be a man
of pride and principle,
83
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:22,173
but strength is also to be found
in the ability to bend.
84
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:25,927
Witness the willow,
nature's strongest tree.
85
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:28,513
No, I thought the oak was
the strongest tree.
86
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,015
Only in furniture.
87
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:33,018
What about the saying
"strong as the mighty oak"?
88
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:36,479
The oak can be felled by a single
harsh wind under the right circumstances.
89
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,690
But what about birch and mahogany?
Now, those--
90
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:41,318
Would you shut up
about the damn trees?
91
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,612
You brought them up.
92
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:47,282
Sam, would you loan me
$500, please?
93
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,534
Well, sure.
94
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:52,120
But I haven't even told you
what it's for yet.
95
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:55,624
Well, it doesn't matter.
Use it for whatever you babes buy.
96
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:59,419
Hair curlers, clothes,
sewing notions. Whatever.
97
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,380
It's nothing as trivial as that.
98
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,883
Hey, listen. I mean it.
It doesn't matter.
99
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,302
Really. I know how hard it was
for you to come in here
100
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,888
begging like a dog for a bone.
101
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:14,517
So I'm just trying to be sensitive
and not make things worse.
102
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,521
Thank you for making it
easy for me, Sam.
103
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:24,778
This really is
an extraordinary attitude.
104
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:28,823
The truth is, I've had a lot of trouble
loaning people money in the past.
105
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:32,577
You know, hurt a lot of feelings.
Lost a couple of buddies once.
106
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,580
So I decided from now on,
anybody asks me,
107
00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:38,458
I'm just gonna give them the money
and never expect to see it again.
108
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:42,087
Oh, you'll see it again.
109
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:45,131
Diane Chambers
always honors her debts.
110
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,926
Hey, I could care less. Really.
You walk out that door,
111
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,428
I'm not even gonna think
about that money anymore.
112
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:53,932
- You'll see it again.
- All right.
113
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:56,434
- Thank you, Sam.
- Yeah.
114
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:58,770
You handled this even better
than I expected.
115
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,982
But even so, it was hard to come
in here and ask for this,
116
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,235
given our past physical relationship.
117
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:09,364
Yeah, it kind of feels like you should
be giving me the money, doesn't it?
118
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:22,293
- Afternoon, everybody.
- Norm!
119
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,338
- Norman.
- What's the good word, Norm?
120
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,383
Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
121
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:32,220
- No, not the Hungry Heifer.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
122
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,181
One heartburn cocktail coming up.
123
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,851
What's this Hungry Heifer place
you guys keep talking about?
124
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:41,396
It's this terrible restaurant where
Norm insists on torturing himself.
125
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:44,816
Hey, you're always giving the
Hungry Heifer a bad rap. I don't get it.
126
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:48,528
So I've had a few bad meals there.
But it's the best value in town.
127
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:49,988
Woody, their steaks come
by the pound.
128
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,115
Wow, the steaks are that big?
129
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,284
No, that's where they get them.
130
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:02,083
- I'll have to try it sometime.
- Yeah, I recommend Thursday night.
131
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,753
That's when the chef does
his tribute to swine.
132
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:09,674
Sam, two vodka tonics
and a Rob Roy, please.
133
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:13,178
By the way, Sam, has Diane
paid back that loan yet?
134
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:17,307
No, Carla, she hasn't.
But I could care less.
135
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:20,935
Not one dime? It's been
two weeks already, hasn't it?
136
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,771
Yes, Carla, it has.
137
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,899
But you can't expect her to pay
back that kind of money overnight.
138
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,525
She's just a hard-working waitress.
139
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:30,278
Diane got a job
as a waitress somewhere?
140
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,534
Sam, could you also give
me change, please?
141
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:39,496
- You bet.
- Okay.
142
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:43,917
My, what a lovely sweater, Diane.
143
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:47,045
- Why, thank you, Carla.
- Is it new?
144
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:50,340
Yes, as a matter of fact, it is.
How nice of you to notice.
145
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:55,011
Well, how could I help but notice
such a beautiful garment?
146
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:58,515
Cashmere, unless I miss my guess.
147
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,225
Yes, it is.
148
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,852
Must have cost you
an arm and a leg, huh?
149
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:08,024
No, no, it was marked down 2 percent
at Haute and Bothered last week.
150
00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:12,862
Well, we girls deserve to splurge
on ourselves once in a while.
151
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,491
- Don't you think, Sam?
- I could care less.
152
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,993
All right, I'm ready for a beer, Sam.
153
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,955
Hey, what's Mr Clavin doing?
154
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,540
You're not gonna believe this,
155
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,584
but he's trying to get into the record
book for walking backwards.
156
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,966
Everybody, afternoon good.
157
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:36,427
That's-- That's "good afternoon,
everybody" backwards.
158
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,847
And you're an "ass jack."
159
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,352
How close are you
to the record, Cliff?
160
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:48,022
Well, in two days,
17 hours, 33 minutes,
161
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,984
I'll be backing myself into the
history books. Thank you, Sammy.
162
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:54,529
I think I'll just take a quick reverse
strut around the old pool table,
163
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,990
pick up some women backwards.
164
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:01,327
All right, I know you guys think
that Cliff is pretty weird,
165
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,581
but I'll say this much for him,
he'll probably never reproduce.
166
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,419
Hey, that looks pretty good.
167
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,921
- You should just taste it.
- What is it?
168
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,090
It's lobster salad.
169
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:18,553
Lobster? Was there
a sale on that stuff?
170
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,471
This time of year?
Are you kidding?
171
00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:23,099
- Would you like a bite?
- No, no. No, thanks.
172
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:27,770
No, it's okay, I got too much.
I'll just end up feeding it to a cat.
173
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,648
No, thank you. Thanks, anyway.
174
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:33,526
I lost my appetite here
for some reason.
175
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,821
- She's got new shoes too.
- Who does?
176
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:41,534
You know who. The one dribbling
lobster all over her cashmere.
177
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,665
- I could care less.
- You know something, Sam,
178
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,251
Diane certainly borrowed this money
from the right guy.
179
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:54,422
I mean, here she is,
throwing her cash around like water,
180
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,132
and she owes you a bundle.
181
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,885
Most people I know
would be going crazy now,
182
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,304
especially if they knew what
she spent that money on.
183
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,473
What do I gotta do,
tell you over and over?
184
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,350
I don't wanna know
what she spent it on.
185
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,018
I don't care what she spent it on.
I'm not interested
186
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:08,811
- in what she spent it on.
- Okay.
187
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:12,023
Sam, by the way, I'm gonna
be a little late tomorrow.
188
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:14,275
I'm having a facial and a massage.
189
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:17,111
What did she spend it on?
190
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,155
A book.
191
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,699
- A book.
- A book.
192
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,912
- One book?
- One single $500 book.
193
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,248
And it's already been a movie.
194
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:33,503
- A book.
- Excuse me.
195
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,006
Would anybody like
to buy some cookies?
196
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:40,927
Oh, I'd love to. I just can't refuse.
197
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:44,973
- I'll take three boxes.
- Oh, thank you, ma'am.
198
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:48,768
And thank you. There's a little
something extra there for you.
199
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,354
Wow, thank you.
200
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:57,485
Oh, I just love these things.
201
00:12:58,069 --> 00:13:00,488
Well, aren't you going to ask Sam
if he'd like some?
202
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,657
Of course I am.
Care for a cookie, Sam?
203
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:05,034
Oh, don't worry,
I have a lot more at home.
204
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:09,372
- Help yourself.
- Don't mind if I do.
205
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:16,838
Those are delicious.
I think I'll have a few more here.
206
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:22,385
Boy, but once you start,
you just can't stop, can you?
207
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,809
I probably shouldn't
have had that last one.
208
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,991
I like my cookies this way. It takes
the work out of chewing, you know?
209
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,706
Oh, hey, Diane, I'm so sorry
about this afternoon.
210
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,876
I don't know what happened.
I feel like a sack of dirt.
211
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:57,420
Don't be so hard on yourself, Sam.
212
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,672
I'm sure you're not
the first man in history
213
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:03,593
to throw a frothing fit
over 'Nana Doodles.
214
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,928
I just don't know
what came over me.
215
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:09,265
I do. Despite your assurances,
216
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:13,770
you do not lend money
with the sang-froid you claim.
217
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,189
I would like to see you in your office.
218
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,358
I have something I want to give you.
219
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:21,486
How about a good spanking?
I think I deserve it.
220
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,992
For some mysterious reason,
221
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,912
you seem to have doubted
my good intentions to pay you back.
222
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,539
Well, what's the mystery?
I haven't seen dime one.
223
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,959
Believe me, I fully intend
to return all your money.
224
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,711
And to prove my good faith,
225
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,130
I'm going to give you
what I purchased with the $500
226
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:44,717
for you to hold as collateral
until I repay you.
227
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,303
God, it really is a book.
228
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:51,557
It's a book, and a very
valuable book.
229
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,810
It's a first-edition Hemingway.
230
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:59,023
The Sun Also Rises.
Oh, that's real profound.
231
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:08,616
I purchased it for $500, but I'm sure
it's worth a great deal more.
232
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,536
It's signed by
Ernest Hemingway himself.
233
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,163
For 500 bucks, you'd think
Margaux Hemingway
234
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,333
would come over to your house
and act it out for you.
235
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,337
I'm taking a big risk entrusting
this to you, Sam.
236
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,840
Please, go put it in the safe.
237
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,009
And whatever you do,
don't let anything happen to it.
238
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,054
Don't touch it, don't scratch it,
don't scratch with it.
239
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,889
Hey, you know,
you really make me angry
240
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,392
when you treat me
like some kind of animal.
241
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:37,145
I'm sorry, Sam.
It won't happen again.
242
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:41,149
Just put it in the safe, please.
243
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,653
I'm sure there's room in there
right next to your bowl of kibble.
244
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:55,955
Smells boring.
245
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:13,848
Mr Clavin, you're walking forward.
What happened to the record?
246
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,976
I was hours away,
and I met utter defeat.
247
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,936
Oh, that's too bad.
248
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,980
Yeah, it's doubly tragic.
249
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:23,566
If I had had a witness, I would've
gotten the world's record
250
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:27,820
for the loudest scream after
I backed into Ma's curling iron.
251
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:33,034
Well, I'll tell you something, Mr Clavin,
whether you set the record or not,
252
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,244
everyone here considers you a winner.
253
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,872
That's pronounced "wiener."
254
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:44,545
- Hey. Hey. Diane around yet?
- Not yet.
255
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:48,508
Good. Does anybody
know how to fix this?
256
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,426
What is it?
257
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,930
Well, it's Diane's $500 book.
258
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:59,101
No wonder it's so expensive.
It's inflatable.
259
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,687
No, no, it's not supposed to
look like that, Woody.
260
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,565
- What the heck happened to that?
- Well,
261
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:08,736
I got interested in the darned thing,
and I took it home with me and...
262
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,571
Then picture this.
263
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,657
I get into a nice hot tub.
264
00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:15,576
I'm lying down to soak and read,
naked as a jaybird.
265
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,703
And I'm reading,
and I'm reading, and I'm--
266
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,957
Hold on, I can't get one
of your socks off.
267
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,752
Never mind. I can.
268
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:28,130
Anyway, I'm reading and reading,
and I finally come to the part
269
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,466
where they tell us
the terrible thing that happened
270
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,593
to this Jake Barnes guy
during the war.
271
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,762
- What's that?
- Well,
272
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:37,306
let's just say that suddenly
he could hit those high notes
273
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,933
like he never could before.
274
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:40,977
Ouch.
275
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:44,897
Yeah, ouch. That's why I dropped
the book in the water.
276
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:48,109
Now the darned thing won't shut.
277
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:50,861
All right, just rip out
every other page.
278
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,239
Come on, man.
279
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:56,826
Diane's gonna be really angry at me.
She told me not to touch it,
280
00:17:56,826 --> 00:18:00,288
I touched it, and now it's fat.
281
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:06,252
- Hello, everybody.
- Hi. Hey, how's it going?
282
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,755
Oh, splendidly.
How's my precious volume?
283
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,133
It's fine.
Why do you even bring it up?
284
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,343
Well, don't be so sensitive.
285
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:20,182
I just asked because I bought the most
beautiful antique book stand for it.
286
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,436
Is it expandable?
287
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,772
It's very nice. It's very nice.
288
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,441
The perfect complement
289
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,569
to my inscribed first edition
The Sun Also Rises.
290
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,195
Isn't it exquisite?
291
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:35,740
Excuse me, my name
is Bruce Sayers.
292
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:39,285
I'm an avid collector of
20th-century American literature.
293
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,911
Hello. Diane Chambers.
294
00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:45,249
I heard you say that you have
an inscribed Sun Also Rises.
295
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:48,336
- Is it in good condition?
- Oh, it's a lovely copy.
296
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:51,047
No jacket, of course,
but signed by Papa himself.
297
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:52,590
And it's a lovely thought.
298
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:58,012
"Dear F. Scott,
boy, that Zelda is one crazy chick."
299
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:04,060
- It's a simple autograph.
- I wonder if it might be for sale?
300
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:09,148
Oh, no. I couldn't possibly place
a monetary value
301
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,108
on something so personal to me.
302
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,110
I'd give you $1,000 for it.
303
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:16,155
Make the check out
to Diane Chambers.
304
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:19,367
Sam, will you get this
man's Hemingway?
305
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:23,871
- No, you can't do that.
- No, it's perfect.
306
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,623
Now I can pay you back.
307
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:29,168
No, you can't sell the book.
You love the book, Diane.
308
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:32,296
Sam, we love people.
309
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,382
We own books.
310
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:37,218
Besides, even as a child
I found Hemingway to be
311
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,930
pretentious and over-mannered.
For my taste.
312
00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:44,767
- Sam, go get it from the safe.
- Yeah, I see. All right, yeah.
313
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:49,313
This may take a minute. The safe's--
The combination's kind of complex.
314
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,857
Oh, don't you remember?
It's your birthday.
315
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,819
It is? Hell, I should be
out there celebrating.
316
00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:56,529
Go, Sam.
317
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,123
Pull out these...
318
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,876
Sam?
319
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,297
Yeah?
320
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:19,218
I thought it would be better to
conduct our business in private.
321
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:23,180
- What's taking you so long?
- Well, I was just thinking.
322
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,598
Say no more.
323
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,353
You know, I was about
to open the safe...
324
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:31,731
...and a voice in
the back of my head said,
325
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:35,025
"Don't let Diane sell the book.
She loves that book."
326
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,404
The voice was wrong.
Open the safe.
327
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:41,949
I completely understand the value of
sentiment, but I must have that book.
328
00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:47,079
Yeah, me too. That's why I'm
gonna give you 1,010.
329
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,331
- Sam.
- Eleven hundred.
330
00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:51,876
- Eleven-ten.
- Do you know what you're doing?
331
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:55,087
- Eleven-fifty.
- I know it sounds crazy,
332
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:58,090
but when I was getting your book
out of the safe very carefully,
333
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:02,845
I started to look through the pages
very, very, very carefully, and I...
334
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:04,930
Well, I fell in love
with the darned thing.
335
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,642
- You're serious, aren't you?
- Yeah, you bet I am.
336
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:12,229
- Eleven-sixty.
- It must be an extraordinary specimen.
337
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,440
- Eleven-seventy-five.
- Twelve hundred.
338
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,400
- Twelve--
- Stop. Enough.
339
00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:18,819
We're throwing around
monetary figures here
340
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,697
as if they had a place
in the world of art.
341
00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,867
Sam Malone,
you have taught me a lesson
342
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:28,037
about the true value
of literature tonight.
343
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:31,040
I'm sorry, Mr Sayers,
the book is no longer for sale.
344
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,583
I want Sam to have it.
345
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:36,754
Oh, all right. Hey, I hope there are no
hard feelings here, Sayers, old man.
346
00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:38,714
I can't say I'm not disappointed,
347
00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:41,509
but it's heartening to know
there are people around like you.
348
00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:43,093
People who love books.
349
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:45,763
Love them? I just wish
you could eat them.
350
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:50,017
I don't know what to say.
351
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:54,522
I'm looking at you in
an entirely new light.
352
00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:59,318
- What do you mean?
- Well, I don't know myself,
353
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:02,655
but I think tonight I saw in full flower
354
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:05,783
the sensitivity you try so hard
to conceal.
355
00:22:07,451 --> 00:22:10,287
Oh, well, that's-- That's no big deal.
356
00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:13,958
Oh, no. You were wonderful.
357
00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:17,670
Yeah, well, I guess my little
masquerade's over.
358
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:20,798
I am sensitive as all get-out.
359
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:26,303
Honestly, Sam, I don't know what
brought about this change,
360
00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:31,016
but I find myself extremely
attracted to you just now.
361
00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:34,270
There's something stirring
inside me.
362
00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:38,607
I don't know what it is,
but I'm becoming flushed.
363
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,363
Yeah, maybe it is getting
a little hot in here.
364
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,533
Very hot.
365
00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:51,370
And you mean all I had to do
was go nuts over a book?
366
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:55,833
Oh, I know it's crazy.
All the warning signals are flashing.
367
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,628
I never intended for this to happen,
but it's out of my control.
368
00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:01,505
Kiss me, Sam.
369
00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:08,178
You know, truth is, I've been thinking
about getting a lot more books.
370
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,476
Yeah, maybe even getting
a library card, huh?
371
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:17,605
- Oh, Sam.
- What?
372
00:23:17,771 --> 00:23:20,065
- Isn't it amazing how life works out?
- Yeah.
373
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,651
When we woke up this morning,
who would have guessed
374
00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:24,945
that we'd end the day this way?
375
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:27,615
Just look.
You have a beautiful book,
376
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:31,952
I've made myself a tidy little profit,
and we're in each other's arms.
377
00:23:35,706 --> 00:23:37,791
A tidy little profit?
378
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:43,172
Yes. Your last bid was $1,200.
379
00:23:45,299 --> 00:23:47,384
You expecting $1,200 from me?
380
00:23:49,053 --> 00:23:52,640
No, of course not,
you big, foolish man.
381
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:56,310
I intend to deduct
the $500 I owe you,
382
00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:58,062
and you really only owe me $700.
383
00:23:58,228 --> 00:24:01,482
But let's stop talking
and start rejoicing.
384
00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:03,692
Hold me, Sam.
385
00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:09,365
Sam, you're holding me a little tight.
386
00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:13,661
Sam, I can't breathe.